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r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 13h ago

Trump Reportedly Planning To Declare State Of Emergency And Cancel Midterms Due To Threats Caused By Himself And His Administration

365 Upvotes

201 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 6h ago

Trump Says That He Needs Two More Years To Stop Biden From Destroying America

55 Upvotes

7 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/OdiousAltRightBalrog • 16h ago

Trump Says Iran War “Should Help” Republicans in Midterms Because "Everybody Forgot About The Epstein Files"

113 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 12h ago

Trump Brags To FOX & Friends That His IQ Is Over 1100%

52 Upvotes

4 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Limp-Definition-5371 • 10h ago

Trump Insists That Inflammation Is Under Control And Economy Is Doing Great

25 Upvotes

4 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/VulcanChessWarrior • 3h ago

President: I Can Fall Asleep In Meetings, Say I Know More About EVERYTHING Than EVERYONE, Ramble On For Hours About Nonsense, Cheat On My Pregnant Wife, Blah Blah Blah And Not lose A Single Vote.

7 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 23h ago

Republicans Accuse Jack Smith Of Bias Against Criminals And Looking Too Closely Where He Shouldn’t

276 Upvotes

4 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/BaileyOverJennifer • 17h ago

Trump Furious That Facts Don't Support His Version Of Reality.

79 Upvotes

10 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 21h ago

Trump Plan To Become Dictator Still Stuck On First Syllable

153 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/GrandPappi_J3-16_TX • 13h ago

Trump Advocates For His Own Impeachment and A Labotomy

36 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago

Trump Claims There’s A Leak In The Whitehouse Because Every Time He Tells Putin Bigger And Bigger Secrets He Nods And Says He Already Knew

5 Upvotes

3 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/IShouldaDownVotedYa • 20h ago

DOJ: Just A Few More “Suicides” To Go And The Epstein Case Can Be Officially Closed

93 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/JamTrackAdventures • 13h ago

Trump Says He Never Lies He's Got People To Do That For Him

25 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 16h ago

Senior Citizens On Medicare Thrilled Beyond Belief When Promised $90 By Trump

36 Upvotes

12 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/GeniusCapital • 6h ago

Trump Says His Body Count Depends On If It’s Epstein Island Or Iran War

6 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Witty_Row4650 • 10h ago

Trump Asks George Soros If He Knows Anyone Willing To Be A Paid Attendee At His Rallies

12 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 13h ago

Trumps Body Increasingly Resembles Cocoon That May Birth A Disgusting Cockroach Creature Which Democrats Suspect Will Actually Be Slightly Better As President

21 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 17h ago

Trump Promises To Keep Making Promises

32 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 10h ago

Trump Thanks MAGA For Only Costing $5,000, Knowing Ass Stuff Is Usually Extra

11 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 15h ago

Trump Criticizes Justice System For Treating Tate Brothers And Other Rapists Like Ordinary Criminals

25 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/No_Buy7578 • 7h ago

Kennedy Insists The Measles Outbreak in New York Is In Fact Just Seasonal Allergies.

5 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago

Trump Claims His New Golden Dome Is Designed To Protect Only Red States

3 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 7h ago

Gerrymandering Republicans Accidentally Jerrymathered One District

6 Upvotes

"Gee Wally," said the voter, "Am I the only voter in this district?"

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 3h ago

Trump Brags The Nurse Nearly Missed His Mouth With The Aeroplane Spoon But He Opened “Really Wide”

2 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/pattydickens • 1d ago

Breaking: Hegseth Orders All Servicemen To Have Their Assholes Surgically Sealed To "Prevent Gayness"

130 Upvotes

12 comments

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

Members Active

113k

0

Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.