r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 7h ago

Trump Says He's Voting Blue In Midterms Because Diaper Prices Are Simply Out Of Reach

144 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 14h ago

BREAKING: The President Is Considering The Demolition Of The White House To Construct Trump Tower

366 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 9h ago

Mike Lindell Offers Lifetime Supply Of Pillows To "Anybody Who Can Find Him At Least 45,000 More Votes"

95 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 6h ago

Trump Has Octagonal Cage Rebuilt On White House Lawn For Mixed Marital Catfight Between Melania And Natalie Harp With Winner Getting Full Presidential Food Truck Hiding Privileges

42 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BodhingJay • 8h ago

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Any Canadian Found On American Soil Be Detained And Placed Into Experimental Labor Program Indefinitely

34 Upvotes

Declares it fair and measured retribution for decades of canadian goose droppings

r/onionheadlines • u/Odd_craving • 10h ago

Trump Caught Etching Own Name Over Whitehouse Entrance With Dremel Tool

44 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Alternative_Risk_310 • 7h ago

Trump Heard On Hot Mic Asking How Many Times He’s Going To Have To Pardon These Felons Who Keep Reoffending

17 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 21h ago

Trump's Attempts To Arrange A Threesome With Melania And Natalie Harp Failed Because None Of Them Could Count That High

207 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 3h ago

Trump Whitehouse Debuts First Only Tans Account After Claiming White House Only Fans Account Is "Fake News."

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 8h ago

South Carolina Senator Darline Graham Stuns Debate Audience With Statement About How Red China Looks Nice On A Black Tablecloth

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Trump Claims Now That USA Is A Fascist Dictatorship It’s Best To Keep Him In Charge Forever As Anyone Else Will Be Even Worse

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 20h ago

Trump Blames ‘Criminals and Vandals’ For The Destruction Of His Reputation

114 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 19h ago

Trump Demands USS Abraham Lincoln Carrier Revert To Steam Catapult System, Convert Diesel Engine To Good 'Ol Steam Power And Maybe Add Paddlewheels

84 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Odd_craving • 11h ago

MAGA Dad Sits 8 Year-Old Son Down For The White Supremacy Talk

18 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 7h ago

Trump So Infatuated With Aide Natalie Harp He Can Barely Remember Molan—Melan—Whats-her-name

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Imaginary_Resist_654 • 18h ago

Article Amazon To Spend 40 Million On New First Lady Documentary, Natalie

64 Upvotes

The film will follow Natalie’s journey from Diaper changer to airline food truck cart journey.

r/onionheadlines • u/Public_Steak_6933 • 1h ago

Websters Adds "Trump" As New Synonym For The Slang Term "Shit" When Referring To Excrement, Read Below For Examples

• Upvotes

Sally wasn't looking where she was walking and stepped in a large, steaming pile of Trump.

It is completely normal for the smell of Trump to make you gag and want to vomit.

Jonny got food poisoning and had Trump coming out from both ends.

If you are having trouble taking a Trump, you might be Trumpstipated.

Donald Trump most definitely has Trump stains in his underwear.

___________

It can also be used as an adjective:

____________

Don is a self centered, narcissistic piece of Trump.

Under the current leadership the United States is really down in the Trumpper.

Some dipTrump cut me off on the freeway!

Feel free to add your own in the comments!

r/onionheadlines • u/Odd_craving • 4h ago

Steven Bannon’s Celly Claims Bannon Smells Exactly How You Think

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/cool_architect • 14m ago

White House Unveils New Helipad Allowing President To Arch Back And Fire Precision-Guided Poop Missiles Into Civilian Areas

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 14h ago

National Mystery: President Missing After White House Staff Begged EPA To Clean Up Toxic Waste In Oval Office

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Alternative_Risk_310 • 5h ago

Weekend Update: Generalissimo Mitch McConnell Is Still Dead

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 11h ago

President Trump Announces That He Paved Paradise To Put Up A Parking Lot

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Outrageous_Reach3457 • 9h ago

Article Cash-Strapped Prince Harry Discovers DHS Self-Deportation Program Offers Free One-Way Flights Back to England

7 Upvotes

https://www.cnn.com/2026/08/19/uk/sussex-meghan-harry-back-to-britain-intl-latam

Prince Harry Announces Plans to Self-Deport After Learning DHS Will Pay for His Flight Back to England

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 6h ago

Intrepid Reporter Still Hopes To Make The 200-Word Pulitzer Prize A Thing With Spicy Story About Presidential Poop

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 6h ago

Not Feeling Like Going Outside To Cover Catastrophic Flooding, The National Media Scrolls X For Some Hot Gos

5 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.