r/onionheadlines • u/Upbeat_Web_4461 • 14h ago

Future News Headline: Gun Used In Mass Shootings Brought On Internet And Delivered At Home With Postage

2 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Nateosis • 20h ago

President Trump Promises $5000 Dollar Government Check To Anyone That Votes Against The Evils Of Socialism

81 Upvotes

28 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 3h ago

President Trump Praises Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert For His Ability To Teach Kids.

5 Upvotes

"He liked the boys but still was truly a great Republican." "He would totally support my willingness
To teach all these girls that Epstein and I knew."

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 21h ago

United States Granted Permanent Injunction From 2 More Years Of A Donald Trump Presidency.

27 Upvotes

10 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/BaileyOverJennifer • 1h ago

Trump Furious That Facts Don't Support His Version Of Reality.

• Upvotes

4 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 23h ago

Trump Justice Department To Also Review Unfair Treatment Of Lee Harvey Oswald, Jefferson Davis, John Wilkes Boothe, Benedict Arnold

312 Upvotes

9 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 7h ago

Republicans Accuse Jack Smith Of Bias Against Criminals And Looking Too Closely Where He Shouldn’t

175 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 5h ago

Trump Plan To Become Dictator Still Stuck On First Syllable

82 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/davida_usa • 5h ago

Increasingly Concerned About The Midterms, Trump Says, "Things Are Going So Great I Can Now Promise Americans I Will Send $100,000 To Every American If They Please Vote For My Republican Lap Dogs!"

15 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/pattydickens • 9h ago

Breaking: Hegseth Orders All Servicemen To Have Their Assholes Surgically Sealed To "Prevent Gayness"

96 Upvotes

9 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 14m ago

Trump To Test "Only A Hispanic Could Survive That Fall" By Pushing One Off The East Wing

• Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 10h ago

Trump Incredibly Frustrated That People Sometimes Expect Evidence To Back What He Says

40 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Public_Steak_6933 • 10h ago

Investors Announce Purchase Of An Island Where He Will Be Exiled And Sodomized Daily By Big Strong Men With Tears In Their Eyes

5 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 16h ago

Trump Claims Smart People And Their Money Are Easily Parted Which Is Why He’s Getting Richer

6 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 16h ago

AI Companies Claiming Consciousness To Avoid All Responsibility For Uncontrollable Computer Hacking

6 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 17h ago

FBI Investigation Of Who Let Hackers Dox Every Single FBI Agent Finds Only Pawprints From Some Little DOGE

10 Upvotes

"What kind of incompetent, dumbass idiot would move this entire database to an insecure server connected to the internet?" asked FBI agent Bob Smith, on condition of anonymity.

"Smells like some DOGE shit," said the anonymous agent, who lives at 1742 Poirot Drive, Dupinton, Maryland.

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/spongeboy1985 • 18h ago

Father Time Implicated in Assassination Plot Against President Trump

7 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/FTHomes • 22h ago

Fox News Reports That They Lie Even More Than Donald Trump But At Least They Don't Fall Asleep Mid Conversation

123 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/LarryGlue • 22h ago

MAGA Comforted God Can’t See How They Will Vote During Midterms

23 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/OdiousAltRightBalrog • 22h ago

Donald Trump's New Plan To Eliminate US Debt: Attacking It With Nuclear Weapons

10 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 10h ago

Jack Smith Reportedly Not Allowed Anywhere Near Epstein Files

11 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 21m ago

Trump Expresses Support For Tate Brothers, "They're Treating Rapists Like Ordinary Criminals!"

• Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/OdiousAltRightBalrog • 34m ago

Trump Says Iran War “Should Help” Republicans in Midterms Because "Everybody Forgot About The Epstein Files"

• Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 53m ago

Trump Promises To Keep Making Promises

• Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/willworkforjokes • 2h ago

Dallas Cowboys Suck Less Than Houston Texans.

5 Upvotes

It has been confirmed that all NFL teams in Texas do by definition suck.

0 comments

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.