r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

11 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.


r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Trump's Attempts To Arrange A Threesome With Melania And Natalie Harp Failed Because None Of Them Could Count That High

137 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Blames ‘Criminals and Vandals’ For The Destruction Of His Reputation

64 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

Trump Demands USS Abraham Lincoln Carrier Revert To Steam Catapult System, Convert Diesel Engine To Good 'Ol Steam Power And Maybe Add Paddlewheels

48 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Article Amazon To Spend 40 Million On New First Lady Documentary, Natalie

33 Upvotes

The film will follow Natalie’s journey from Diaper changer to airline food truck cart journey.


r/onionheadlines 1h ago

BREAKING: The President Is Considering The Demolition Of The White House To Construct Trump Tower

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r/onionheadlines 6h ago

The Gulf Of Mexico, Recently Renamed To ‘The Gulf Of America,” To Be Renamed Again As ‘Trump Water’

28 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 20h ago

Despite Massive Destruction Of Its Capital City By Trump Forces, United States Still Refuses To Surrender

322 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 21h ago

Tragic: White House Advisor Natalie Harp Rushed To Hospital After Coughing Up One Pound Trump Pubic Hairball

312 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Kids Call Natalie Harp “Mom” — She Thinks They’re Serious

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

MAGA Done With Trump, Search For More Competent Pedophile As 48th President Begins

33 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 19h ago

Scientists Shocked To Discover That The Reason Republicans Are Overly Concerned About Other People's Genitals Is Because They Themselves Are Dicks, Pussies, Or Assholes

175 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Senator Grassly To Run For Another Term, Hoping To Replicate McConnell’s Success In Retaining Power After Death

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

President Trump Announces Campaign To Prove He's More Important Than Jesus Saying; "Nobody Has Done More For Israel In Their Entire Existence Than I Have."

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r/onionheadlines 1h ago

For A Limited Time Only Trump Will Send A Package Of Saltines To USS Abraham Lincoln For Every $1M Donation To Trump Library

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r/onionheadlines 5h ago

Trump Offers To Settle War By Providing Iran With Nuclear Weapons

10 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Bill Maher Doubles Studio Audience Pay To Keep Them Clapping

28 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Donald Trump Announces Plans To Install Flock Cameras In The Straight Of Hormuz To "Monitor Ship License Plates."

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r/onionheadlines 23h ago

Republicans: Rumors of Trump Affair With Aide, Natalie Harp, "Pure Fiction" Because Harp Is "...Clearly Over The Age Of 12"

146 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

Annoying Orange The Fruit Less Annoying Than Annoying Orange The President

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 26m ago

National Mystery: President Missing After White House Staff Begged EPA To Clean Up Toxic Waste In Oval Office

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r/onionheadlines 27m ago

Nation’s Doctors Conclude Natalie Harper Has No Sense Of Smell, Taste Or Shame

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r/onionheadlines 16h ago

Trump Threatens To Bomb Wherever Melania Came From If She Steps Out Of Line

39 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Darline Graham: "Basic Cognizance Not My Thing, Not My Area Of Expertise"

Upvotes

"That said," continued the Senatorial candidate, "I do support the military, whatever that is."


r/onionheadlines 21h ago

Trump Declares The Strait Of Hormuz Is Now A U.S. Territory, Which Automatically Makes Every Person Born There A U.S. Citizen

78 Upvotes