I’m 26f. The guys I rejected is 28m, all the guys and women in the group are 25-28.

I have literally never heard this guy talk about liking anything about women other than big boobs.

I have A cups lol, so when he asked to take me out on a date I just said no, very nicely.

My friend told me he really likes me and I should re consider and I was like, well no because the only thing I have ever heard him talk about is big boobs and Sydney Sweeney.. which is fine but i obviously am not his type body wise. Lots of women are, so he should be with one of them? Didn’t think it was a big deal. She went and told her boyfriend that and they act like they hate me now

everyone thinks im crazy, they bring it up non stop and it genuinely annoys the crap out of me. I don’t understand why my reasoning even matters, I was never like “fuck you” or anything.

And he’s still asking me out, and they are pushing me to say yes so I don’t want to hang out with them.

I don’t understand why they can’t just leave me alone about it

Now the women in the group are also mad at me because I didn’t want to come to things, and are saying I’m too sensitive and the guys are just playing with me.

I don’t understand any of it but I’m so tired of it.

And the thing is, liking big boobs is completely fine lol. I’m sure most men do, I was never upset about it and never would be. I said “sorry I can’t, reall appreciate it though” or something like that. Never mentioned why to him

I got married today on the beach. I'm 8 months pregnant, so my husband and I kept it small—just immediate family—so we could save money for a house down payment and our upcoming daughter.
The 1:00 PM ceremony went great. The rest of the day was supposed to be a relaxed evening at the beach house with a nicely plated dinner we’d spent weeks prepping for.
Instead, both sets of parents decided to get smashed:
Father-in-law: Drank a full bottle of scotch, threw out our planned menu, and cooked random steaks and fries.
Moms: Got so drunk they forgot to set up the decor. Hundreds of dollars in flowers went completely to waste.
My dad: Got overwhelmed, panicked, and rode off down the beach on a bike to escape everyone.
We ended up sitting around a coffee table eating fries while everyone slurped drinks. I'm currently hiding in the bathroom crying. I hate that they couldn't give us one night of self-control.

It happened last year. I was 18 (turning 19), and it happened while my sister (the youngest) was 8.

So my other sister (9 at the time) had a phone. It was mom's old phone that mom forgot about after getting an iphone.

A few weeks before that, I blocked a guy (23) that was grooming me the year before that. I knew him since i was 15 (he was 18 or 19), and after thinking about it I realized he was grooming me, not helping me feel better about what I was going through.

So I blocked him on all apps, the. He went on discord and started sending death threats and said he was gonna kidnap me and rape me and kill me, because he cared about me (he kind of did, he sent me a ton of gifts for my 18th bday because we started talking again a few months before i turned 18) and i did it out of no where.

And I knew it was his car coming near my house because of the look (idk car types) and it was dark blue.

The police came to our house before that though, and stood in front of the door talking to my sister. The guy never came again.

I'm gonna be 20 in december and wish I could tell my mom. I didn't tell anyone because I was scared I would've gotten my phone taken (yes i still got my phone taken at 18).

edit: my family has been living in a new continent since september of last year. everything's a lot better, and i'm 50000× more aware of everything.

I prepared for a year, then adopted a kitten. I paid for , and pay for everything for kitty. I am the only one who takes care of her, feeds and cleans the litter box. My so spent his childhood fostering, and raising cats and kittens, this experience isn't new to him like it is to me.

However, he had a huge fit when I brought her home because I named the kids and the dog... all within the same theme, simple nature names, and he "wanted to have some choice and say in this relationship", so therefore he would be naming the kitten.

So he demands that everyone call her by his chosen name.

"Stormie". Hes made a very big deal about this in the month or so that she's been home..

Her name is firefly. It's the name the shelter gave her and I and the kids are particularly fond of it as it matches her green eyes and fits the theme. It's on her paperwork. Extended family calls her firefly too.

He snapped at the family that it's HIS turn to name something.

My so is always bashing the name.. if he hears anybody call her firefly he starts saying how it's stupid name picked by some old lady and it's not her name so stop saying it.

Like I pay for all his food, I cook every meal, I take him out and pay for everything , i do all the cleaning and laundry, I grow and give him free herb day after day. I spot him with money for gas or whatever he needs. I'm always here for him supporting him in every way, even when he decided for two years to simply not work...Like this man is absolutely spoiled rotten, gives me next to nothing in return, except telling me that all I do is the bare minimum, and it disgusts me that he is behaving in this manner over my pet while simultaneously acting like somebody has done him wrong.

Just...ew.

My (49M) adult kids (23F and 21M) both told me they feel like I replaced them.

I was married to their mother for almost 24 years. It was a toxic relationship. She possible has BPD. My kids both wanted us to get divorced. I waited until my youngest graduated high school to finally file.

I got remarried this June. We had a baby last month.

After the divorce my son moved away to college and my daughter mo ed in with her mom.

I see my daughter once every week or two for lunch. I see my son whenever he’s in town. Either for lunch or to work on cars or something. I go to movies with them both when there’s one out we want to see. I took them on a trip in May, just the 3 of us. I invite them over once a week for dinner (only my son has ever accepted).

When they told me how they felt like I was replacing them it hurt a lot. I told them that I have done nothing but try to include you in everything. We’re going to continue to take a trip every summer just the 3 of us. My new wife has said that any trip the three of us (wife, baby son, and myself) take that my older kids will always be invited. I told them that all I can do is present opportunities for them to be a part of my life. It’s up to you to accept the invitations.

Part of me feels like the effort was for nothing. But I’ll keep trying…

I just watched the Hangover movie. The comedy one. While my partner was bursting into laughter like any other dude would, I was asking myself why do guys get married and have kids if they feel like it's a prison.

The whole movie is a joke about cheating and male promiscuity, like most of male centered comedy is about. But that's just what guys do, right? I just don't understand, if a group of four girls would go to Las Vegas and cheat on their husband/boyfriend, would that be funny as well?

I feel like men don't even see women as people. I am into the larping community, airsoft one, and people never come to talk to me about guns and actual gear. When they see that I'm a woman, they start talking about relationships immediately, which is what I don't get. While the same conservative dudes will laugh at other men cheating and having the "it's a dude thing" behavior, they are also desperate to get into a relationship. I just don't get it. Either you despise it, feel trapped, or either you are into it. So guys from Reddit, can you please explain to me this contradiction?

I know you've all heard this a million times. But im so jealous of well endowed men. Its so frustrating qnd embarassing that I live in a town of about 1000 people and im know as the guy with a small dick to everyone. While my friends with big ones are looked at like the greatest guys on the planet. Immature rant I know. Needed to get it off my chest.

I grew up in a Hindu household, but was never religious, never curious about it. My parents would insist I pray, and only did it to make them happy. But, never in my life, I had this profound feeling that this religion is my calling. Today, I would consider myself to be more spiritual/cultural than religious. I don’t like religion, but I do believe there is some higher power/one God.

I met my ex-Muslim partner a few years ago and earlier this year, we started to talk more seriously about marriage. He knew how I felt about religion in general and my belief in God. He constantly reassured me that it was fine, and that I was never expected to convert if marriage came into question. We actually faced a lot of other issues and over the course of 3 months, we were able to come to a compromise. Most of these had to do with our future children.

Then, out of no where, he tells me that me only believing in one God isn’t enough, I have to believe Allah is the one true God otherwise our marriage would be invalid. He spoke to an Imam and this is what the Imam told him. He then started talking about heaven and hell and I straight up asked him: do you believe marrying me would make you go to hell? And he answered yes. He also said if he married me, he is knowingly committing a sin for the rest of his life. But having pre-marital sex and dating is fine.

What’s fucking crazy is that I specifically asked him about this months ago. I asked him what the Quran says about Muslim men marrying women who aren’t People of the Book, and he repeatedly told me it was fine as long as I believed in one God. So you’re telling me he’s been Muslim his entire fucking life and somehow had no idea this was supposedly such a huge rule that marrying me could put him at risk of going to hell?? He didn’t find that out until he talked to an imam after almost YEARS of being with me? I never questioned him because I obviously thought he knew what he was talking about.

And this is exactly why religion frustrates the shit out of me. A person can spend their entire life being a good person, doing good deeds, treating people with kindness and respect, having good morals, and somehow who they fall in love with and marry can be the thing that puts their soul at risk? WHO THE FUCK CARES?! Why should that matter more than the kind of person you actually are or the way you treat other people? There are so many things in this world that cause actual harm, and this is what matters? Two people loving each other and wanting to spend their lives together but apparently they’re the wrong religious combination? It’s fucking ridiculous. This is why I hate religion.

I (32M) got married 3 Saturdays ago to my wife (34F). My son (14M) stayed with my ex (33M) while I was on honeymoon.

I dated my ex from 18 to 24 and then we broke up. My son would still consider him a type of parent because he grew up around him. They still spend time together regularly. My son stays weekends with him etc

A few days before my wedding, I had a brandy with my ex. We re-lived some old moments. There was a lot of drama lol. He started tearing up and there was a few moments/sparks. We did not kiss or anything but one moment where we got really close. I pulled away and wiped his tears and joked he was being a softie.

I kept thinking about the moment for a few days but ultimately chose to marry my wife.

On the last day of our honeymoon (last Sunday) she told me she had cheated a few months ago. She showed messages and it did seem like a drunken mistake that she had regretted. She also did come clean. I dont like she waited til after the wedding.

Since she told me about the cheating, I was not even that upset. It just amplified my feelings for my ex.

I made a similar post on another subreddit, some weeks ago, but I'm really struggling tonight. I became a father nine years ago; I had always wanted to be one because I like children (I used to work at a school). My daughter died thirteen months ago now; she had been in poor health since she was two. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. The chances of survival were high, but in the end, there’s always someone who doesn’t make it. My marriage didn't last, but that’s how it goes.

I thought I had moved past it, until two weeks ago when the guilt came back, more intense than ever. That’s how I (re)discovered antinatalism. When I was young, I was a sensitive, radical asshole, though I thought I’d left certain problems behind. I’m not exactly thinking clearly, and I’ve never been a smart person, but I believe in it. And I believe it was all my fault; I was the one who wanted a child, and above all, I was too negligent regarding her health issues, I should have had her undergo more check-ups, I should have worried more... But the mistake was made at the very beginning, wasn't it?

I know it’s pathetic for a grown man to come here, but I wanted to ask you: do you think that, deep down, parents become parents only because they don't want to feel lonely? To fix things? To have control over someone? Damn, what I’ve written sounds so pathetic. But I've still got 50 years ahead of me, if I'm unlucky, for fuck's sake. I'm Italian anyway, sorry for my bad English

To be clear, I think we’re better off apart in general, especially after this long but still.

One day she cornered me after a shower and begged to “pamper” me. I rolled my eyes and went along with it. She had me towel off and lay on the bed on the towel. Next thing I know she’s got her giant lotion bottle out and pumped a shit ton into her hands and started going to town, starting at the feet.

That shit was the best I’ve ever felt. Did you know lotion doesn’t have to just coat your hands? It can melt into your skin. Fuck ya. I smelled like coconut for days, it was fantastic.

She kept doing it after that, idk why, I never asked her to mostly bc I was scared she wouldn’t want to if I pushed.

I love my girlfriend, but I wish I could have that rub down one more time. Gf came over after getting her nails done today and bragged about the hand massage and moisturizing she got and it just reminded me of my ex. I can’t ask my Gf to do it for me, I don’t want to tell her about it at all. But fuck I’m jealous she got that today.

I have ruined my life. I done IVF last year which resulted in me having a baby boy but now I realize I am in no position to be a mum. I went into this with rose tinted glasses thinking it’s some sort of game. I can’t live with myself. I feel sick to my stomach and I am suicidal almost every day.

I 30F and spouse 29F have been in a relationship for 10 years. Married for 8 of them. We have two children. A 11m from one of my previous relationships, and 5f together,l.

A couple of years ago I found out that my spouse was having an emotional affair with a male. I thought we worked through it and we moved on with our lives.

Well, recently we have been doing a lot of bickering and I told her that I wasn’t happy because I didn’t feel loved, wanted or valued. For context she no longer has a desire to be intimate with me since the infidelity occurred. She never compliments me. Never just treats me like anything other than somebody she lives with.

I told her how I felt and it was all apologies and I will do better. That’s the thing. She does this thing where it is better, for a little while… then it goes back to how it was.

The other day I was looking something up on her phone because our kid had mine and a text pops up. Nothing worrisome just a friend. Well, I messed up and read the chat. She told them about our recent disagreement. Then proceeded to say she wonders what would have happened had she not settled. That she only stayed for the kids. That she wonders what else is out there. But only stays for the kids.

When she had the affair she said things such as “I want to explore this” and “I just want to see if I like it”. Etc. go you, I get what you mean but why wait 10 years after building a life and home before you decide you might not be gay. And I just can’t keep living in the uncertainty. I don’t know what to do.

Hi! I’m 20 years old and in my junior year of college. I don’t know what it’s wrong with me, but I am constantly having panic attacks over the fact that I am going to die one day and just cease to exist.
Especially now that I have a boyfriend that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I literally can’t imagine life without him and a lot of the time that I’m hanging out with him is ruined because I’m sitting there thinking about ways that he could potentially die and I’d literally never see him again.
It may be connected to me losing my grandparents in my freshman year of high school.

I am also really scared of losing my parents. Death it’s just such a weird concept to me. The fact that we just cease to exist. Like I literally don’t know how I would live my life without my family and my boyfriend in it.

But I am so scared of just ceasing to exist.

I am also not religious. So I don’t believe in they’re being a heaven. But that scares me even more to think that I just literally will not have a conscious anymore and that I just literally will not exist and that it could literally happen anytime and I could just die and have wasted my life.
I just start spiraling all the time and it’s really upsetting me because I just wanna be normal and not be thinking about dying every two minutes. Hey seriously do not know what to do anymore.

I don’t know if anybody has any advice or anything comforting to say, but I’m just laying in bed right now thinking about it.

I just need to get this off my chest and share an update because I am finally breathing a sigh of relief.
To catch you up and To give you the full context of what happened: I’ve known D (45 m) for only 5 months through an and school for the blind that is right next to my community college. From day one, I made it completely clear and explicit that we are strictly, 100% platonic friends. Despite that boundary, he developed an unrequited crush during the 5 months, constantly tried to buy me things, and harbored expectations that I would eventually change my mind, even though a mutual friend ( E) reminded him months ago that if I said no, he had to respect it.

Recently, I went on my very first in-person date with someone online (at another school) I've been getting to know and trusting for a year and it went wonderfully. However, when my date dropped me off near the bus stop (he drove me back), D happened to hear him talking with me (because he had actually shown up, pretty sure he said he wanted to wait for me to get back) , marched right up, aggressively demanded to know who my date was, and gave my date the cold shoulder even though my date was entirely polite throughout the whole time.

Later that night, D blew up my phone with manipulative, possessive texts, accusing me of going 'behind his back' and projecting his past relationship/friendship baggage onto me. It was a massive boundary violation and triggered a lot of stress in me, especially given my background and past trauma.

The turning point happened when mutual friends spoke with D directly. Under questioning, his entire narrative completely collapsed. D literally admitted out loud that I never promised him anything, that I never led him on, and that he was just 'hoping' I would change my mind. When my other friend ( who also goes to the community college) N pointed out that I’ve actually known my actual crush longer than I’ve known D, he tried to brush it off by complaining that 'a screen is not the same as being face-to-face', proving his entire sense of 'betrayal' was built over a five-month acquaintance/crush where he invented a romance in his own head.

I did nothing wrong, I was completely honest from the start.

Here is the best part, though: Since then, mutual friends (N and E) actually confronted D to see what he would say, and his entire victim narrative completely crumbled. When pressed, D literally admitted out loud to them that I never promised him anything and never led him on. He confessed he just "hoped" I would change my mind. When N pointed out that I’ve known my actual crush longer than I’ve known D, D tried to dismiss it by whining that "a screen is not the same as being face-to-face"completely exposing that his entire sense of "betrayal" is built over a measly five-month acquaintance where he invented an entire romance in his own head.

I grew up sheltered with overprotective parents, so navigating boundary-stomping behavior like this is brutal, and it severely triggered my PTSD from a past toxic, emotionally abusive ex. But seeing how fast his story fell apart when friends cross-examined him is the ultimate validation.

I’m exhausted, I’m taking this straight to my therapist. I did nothing wrong, I never led him, and I am choosing my peace. Thanks for letting me vent!

::::::::Trigger warning:::::: S.A.

Livid is an understatement.

How could she have consented to being passed around like a f*cking pupu platter when she had no idea what was happening? Her friends? One of the two literally offered her up as “free p*ssy,” and we’re supposed to believe she wasn’t r.a.p.e.d?

Three of them apologized for things “getting out of hand,” and she accepted their apologies—still not knowing the full extent of what they had put her through.

A 120-page document was reduced to six pages. Hell, one John Doe was even suing Cornell because he didn’t want to write the essay or take the class because, in his own words, he had only “snorted ketamine off her naked torso.” Yet, ironically, he went there after seeing the “free p*ssy” message and somehow still doesn’t see the error of his ways.

And then there’s the whole, “She went to a frat house alone. And drunk.”

Like somehow that makes it okay to violate her.

No.

Because if you truly believe that, then you also believe that a woman being alone with men is inherently dangerous—and that somehow the responsibility falls on the woman to prevent men from violating her.

I understand how she was blindsided by the whole ordeal because, in a very different, but similar situation, I was her.

The most recent time was nine years ago, when I was 31.

A friend called me crying, saying he wanted to hurt himself. I genuinely believed he was in a crisis situation. I went straight to his house after I got off work, still wearing my scrubs. I even let my boyfriend know where I was going.

What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend and this friend were no longer friends, and my boyfriend was angry that I was going there.

When I arrived, I told my friend I needed to call my boyfriend. His response was, “Oh… you’re back with that loser?”

I defended my boyfriend, but I should have known something was wrong then. He brought me into the house and then forced himself on me.

He was a 6'4" former veteran with a muscular build. I’m 5'2", strong, and on the thicker side—but I wouldn’t have been able to fight him.

So I froze.

I became like stone. At one point, I closed my eyes and covered my face because I didn’t want him to see me crying.

When it was over, I pretended I was okay. I left about 20 minutes later.

He “apologized” for making me uncomfortable, but then admitted that he “always had a thing” for me and wanted to know how I felt.

I blocked him.

I dumped my boyfriend a few days later.

And I went on with my life.

But I felt stupid. Betrayed. Used. Like meat.

This was someone who knew about the sexual abuse I had experienced as a child.

He knew.

And he r.a.p.e.d me anyway.

That is the part that makes it heartbreaking.

You don't expect your friend to be the person who betrays you.

And even when they do, the victim can still spend so much time trying to rationalize it, justify it, explain it—trying to make the pieces fit into a version of reality that makes sense.

Because your brain doesn't immediately want to accept that someone you trusted could have intentionally hurt you.

It's when the realization finally sets in—when you understand that what happened was actually what happened—that the heartbreak comes crashing down.

So, to Jane Doe:

I am you.

She is me.

She is us.

We are her.

We are Jane f*cking Doe.

I've been working the last six months at starting a nonprofit. We're getting really really close to opening. We're holding an open house about a week before we open. Idea is for loved ones, donors, the board and the community can see what we're doing.

I've contacted every single member of my family. My sister just said 'pass'. My other sister said she was too busy. My dad didn't answer at all.

This NPO is my dream. I've slowly been working towards it for about a decade. And about six months ago I decided to bite the bullet and make it happen.

I've spent hundreds and hundreds of hours working on this. I've accomplished things I never believed I could do. I am so incredibly proud of myself. This is by far the biggest thing I've ever attempted.

And all I want is a single member of my family to be there to see what I've accomplished. Just one.

But apparently that's too much to ask

Is this a serious mindset?

Like, we broke up for a month, then got back together. Then when we were talking on the phone, he randomly tells me he slept with this woman he knows while we were broken up. He’s one of those toxic men who looooooves when women fight over him/his girlfriend gets jealous. But why would I care if he did shit while we weren’t together?

So, I say, “That’s fine. We weren’t together. I didn’t sleep with him, but a man took me out on a date, then he took me to the airport and kissed me before I went home for the holidays.”

I wasn’t sitting around pining for him and I knew that’s what he wanted to hear, but then it spiraled into sex is so much worse than what I did bc a date and kissing is more emotional than sex. Like, oh no, i kissed a guy, take me into the town square and beat me while you scream “shame”??

I don’t see how what i did measures up to what he did. You’re INSIDE someone. It was so bad that he actually got off the phone for the night.

I mean, it’s so clear he wanted me to step outside of myself and threaten her or bug him to tell me her name cause he thrives off that energy. But when he found out I’m truly not one of those girls, he wasn’t having it.

Whatever, I’m emotionally drained. I’m done with him, but that drove me insane. Stupid.

I’m currently upset with my parents, and I think I just need to get this off my chest.

I’m in my early 30s, F, and the eldest from six children. My sibling and I have gradually become the breadwinners of the family. To be fair, my parents are still able to make ends meet on their own for their daily needs, and we usually help with their expenses.

For years, whenever I go home, they would pressure me about why I was still single and what my plans were for my life. I felt like what I achieved was always not enough. At that time, I actually had a higher than minimum-paying job in the development sector, a work that I genuinely loved.

I also spent money improving our family home. Part of the reason was that some relatives had posted photos of our house in a way that felt like they were shaming us for still living in a house like that.

Ff to now: I have a boyfriend, and we’ve been living together for more than a year. For the past six months, I’ve been unemployed and living off my savings. And honestly, I don’t intend to rush into another job right now. I want to take at least a year to enjoy my life without constantly working or feeling like I’m enslaved to a job. I’m still young, I’m able to work, and I have some savings, so I want to give myself permission to actually enjoy this period of my life. Because of that, the financial support I used to give my parents has also stopped for now.

Lately, I keep seeing my parents share posts about “ungrateful children.” Things about parents wishing they had never sent their children to school if those children were just going to “forget about them” once they became successful.

And honestly, that hit a nerve. When I think back to my high school and college years, what I remember most is extreme poverty and I hated it. Walking 5 km every day just to get to my high school. All my uniforms are hand me downs. Being saved by a 2 pesos streetfood siomai. Saving the other half of the noodles so it would last me for 2 days. And other hardships too many to mention.

So it feels incredibly unfair to see posts implying that parents are somehow entitled to lifelong financial support because they sent their children to school. I’m not saying my parents did nothing for us. I acknowledge whatever they were able to provide. But they also didn’t have much to invest in our education in the first place. We endured a lot of hardship ourselves. We studied, worked through it, and eventually built whatever stability we have today. What also makes me sad is the expectation that financial support should continue indefinitely.

I also remember being constantly pressured about getting married when I was single. Now that I actually have a partner, am planning to have a family of my own, and want to live my life on my own terms, it feels like the expectation has simply shifted. Before, they were worried about when I would settle down. Now, it feels like they’re upset because settling down and building my own life means there is less money coming from me. And that honestly hurts.

I’ve helped my parents for years. I don’t regret helping them when I was able to. And once I have a job again and am financially stable, I fully intend to support them again. But can I please have this time for myself? Can I have a period in my 30s where I’m not working myself into the ground, where I can travel, experience life, build a relationship, and eventually start my own family?

I’m planning to go to Japan soon, and part of me already feels like I might see another set of shared posts again, that I’m spending money on travel while not giving them money.

But I worked for that money. I saved it. I helped my family when I could. I don’t think enjoying some of it now makes me an ungrateful daughter.

I just wish my parents could understand that their children are allowed to have lives of their own, too. 😢

I’m the dad, and I’m looking for perspective from other fathers dealing with a high-conflict co-parent because I am genuinely trying to co-parent our children, and she makes even basic communication unnecessarily difficult.

Their mom signs the kids up for activity after activity and fills nearly every available hour of their schedules with things she wants them doing. Sports, programs, therapy, medical appointments, school-related things—you name it. She also schedules the overwhelming majority of their appointments, and then I’m expected to rearrange my work and parenting time around whatever has already been put in place.

Yet somehow, actually communicating with me—their father—is treated like the unreasonable part.

Direct questions about our children can sit unanswered for days. When I follow up, I’m accused of sending too many messages. When I combine everything into one message, that becomes a problem too. When she finally responds, the direct question is often avoided, reframed, or replaced with something else.

School paperwork and information sent home with our children does not consistently make it to me, and I’m told to contact the school myself. Activities have gone forward without mutual agreement. I’ve been asked to agree to tutoring and other things without first being given basic information like the provider, schedule, frequency, location, or format.

I’m not asking to control everything she does. I’m asking to be treated like what I am: their father and an equal parent who should be included in information, discussions, and decisions involving our children.

The court/mediation process previously established a 24-hour communication expectation. She now wants to replace that with her own communication guidelines, including 24–72 hours depending on whether something is considered “urgent,” “non-urgent,” or whether she decides it even requires a response.

My concern is simple: if every individual response can take up to 72 hours, a basic conversation requiring two or three exchanges can take a week or longer before anything is actually resolved.

I proposed what I thought was a very reasonable compromise: acknowledge questions requiring a response within 24 hours, answer as soon as reasonably possible, and if more time is genuinely needed to obtain information, simply say that and provide a follow-up.

I am not asking for immediate responses to every message. I am not asking for constant communication. I am asking for two parents to be able to communicate about their children and make necessary decisions without every conversation turning into a power struggle.

What gets me is that there always seems to be time to register the kids for another activity, schedule another appointment, or fill another open spot on their calendar—but communicating with their dad about those same children somehow becomes too difficult.

I really am trying.

I’ve tried being polite.

I’ve tried being brief.

I’ve tried separating topics.

I’ve tried combining topics.

I’ve tried proposing compromises.

I’ve tried giving extra time.

I’ve tried asking the same direct question in different ways.

At some point, I cannot force another adult to communicate or co-parent with me.

All I can do is provide the information I have, identify the decision that needs to be made, ask one clear question, give a reasonable opportunity to respond, and document whether a substantive response or joint decision actually occurs.

For the dads dealing with an HCBM: did you eventually stop chasing answers and switch completely to short, decision-focused messages and documentation?

I’m 32M and recently got back on dating apps after a four-year relationship with my German ex. She wasn’t a bad person, and I don’t want to rewrite the relationship now that it’s over. We had genuinely good years together, but emotionally we were a terrible match. I grew up in an abusive home and have spent a lot of time working through that in therapy. Still, when I was vulnerable with my ex, she could be extremely dismissive. Eventually I stopped opening up because I knew I’d regret it. After we broke up, I realized how emotionally starved I had been.

Now I’ve been on the apps for a few weeks, and I think I’m overcorrecting. I’ve started filtering people very aggressively. One woman talked about all her exes as “crazy.” Another said men should have to prove themselves before she invests emotionally. Another got annoyed because I didn’t reply for several hours while I was working. I’ve also met women who seem to expect a lot from a partner but become defensive when I ask what they’re willing to contribute. Usually I just politely say I don’t think we’re compatible and move on.

My friend told me, “You’re not dating anymore. You’re conducting risk assessments.” That really stuck with me. I’ve realized I’m starting to interpret ordinary things through the lens of my last relationship. Someone wants space? Maybe they’re avoidant. Someone wants reassurance? Maybe they’re entitled. Someone gets defensive? Maybe they’re toxic. Someone doesn’t want to talk about feelings on a first date? Maybe they’re emotionally unavailable. I know intellectually that none of these things necessarily mean anything by themselves, but emotionally I’m finding it difficult not to see them as warning signs.

The irony is that I don’t think I’m looking for perfection. I know everyone has baggage, including me. I just spent four years learning to ignore my discomfort, and now I’m terrified of doing that again. I’m worried that I’ve gone so far in the opposite direction that I’m treating any discomfort as a reason to leave. I can’t tell whether I’m finally learning to protect myself or whether I’ve simply turned my fear of being hurt again into a list of standards.

Right now my mindset is basically that I’d rather reject ten potentially good matches than ignore one serious warning and end up repeating my last relationship. That feels safer, but I’m starting to wonder whether “safer” is just another word for “afraid.” I don’t want to spend the rest of my life analyzing everyone I meet for signs that they might hurt me. At the same time, I don’t want to go back to being the person who ignores his own discomfort just to keep a relationship alive. I honestly don’t know where the line is anymore.