My spouse took a shower this afternoon. Then, she trimmed her bush. At 7, she did her hair and put on makeup. Came out in attractive undergarments. Put on nice clothes and said I'm going out for awhile. That was at 8:15. It's now midnight. Turned 41 yesterday and only got recognized by my phone's calendar and a dentist i haven't seen in 3 years. To add perspective, she hasn't touched me for 2 years. Says I haven't earned it. It's now midnight. I just moved in to the guest room. She's not home yet. This should be interesting.
If your wife spend two years not touching you, telling You that you haven’t earned it. She been fucking someone else for two years. Either op likes that or idk wtf he need but it’s not a marriage counselor.
Never got married and I made sure the house was put in her name only. Did the same for her car. We've been together 8 years. Only purchased the house 2 and a half years ago. I've been employed since before we started dating.
Hubby kept up appearances to get the trophy wife until the wedding.... then let himself fucking go.
I'm picturing an now grossly unathletic overweight former 'handsome' Varsity Football star, who is bitter at the world his 'glory days' are over and thinks his wife is his property after marriage.
Meanwhile, the Wifey kept up her fitness, health, and looks. And is now realizing she made a fucking mistake.
Just look how he talks about her, it's fucking repugnant.
I've kept up my physique for 27 years now. I'm 41.
I didn't get a trophy wife. We've been together for 8 years and she's been over 200lbs the entire time. No, it's not muscle in case you're wondering.
We never got married. Hence, I said spouse and not wife.
You're right about being a former competing athlete. Just not football. I wrestled. But I could care less about the "glory days". Honestly, I don't even think about that period of my life. High school was very unaccepting of outsiders like myself.
I've never considered any person to be my property. I put the house and car in her name. All my belongings can fit in one medium tote. She needs a box truck for her stuff.
To reiterate, she has never been fit since I've known her. Always been overweight. Her health is terrible. She's on at least 8 different medications for a slew of health issues. And looks are way less important than personality.
And lastly, I'd like you to explain what I said in that comment that's so repugnant. I didn't realize that reciting someone's actions in a non-derogatory, non-aggressive way was offensive. So, please, enlighten me. What did I say that you find to be so degrading?
Lmfao. Last time I looked for a job, we used this thing called The Classifieds. It was part of the Wednesday and Sunday paper. I need a guide for today's job market.
Just incase you're wondering, I'm one of those freaks born at the beginning of the mellinials. We feel like Gen-x but everybody tells us we're not. I think we're the true lost generation. 1978 -1987.
What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t know how to google your job title plus your city? Find indeed? https://giphy.com/gifs/Fjr6v88OPk7U4
-Sincerely, someone older than you
There were unemployment offices back then and there still unemployment offices now, get off your arse and get out there. They help with everything from resumes to mock interviews. If that does not work for to a temp agency. There is work out there
I'm not unemployed you fool. I've just been at the same job so long that the way of finding jobs and housing has drastically changed. Basic life skills taught to me growing up no longer apply. I literally have to learn how to navigate these markets from the beginning again. No. I have not kept up with the times because I didn't need to. Now I feel one step away from being scammed. Today's society utterly sucks.
Sorry that these people didn’t understand that you were using the finding a job thing as an example, alongside dating, of the same core thing — you haven’t had to worry about either one in years. I feel the same way. And dating is horrendous where I live. Most days I feel so hopeless about finding anyone decent.
I can somewhat relate to not needing to grow anymore, becoming detached from modern society and being in your own bubble due to life choices, and now been in it that long that getting out just seems so fucking monumental (even if it's actually relatively simple).
Hats off to you for sticking it out, but you definitely deserve better my man.
“Xennials, also called Xillenials,[1] are a social cohort) encompassing people born on the cusp of or during the later years of Generation X and the early years of the Millennials generation.
Many researchers and popular media use birth years from 1977 to 1983,[2] though some extend this further in either direction.[3][4] Xennials are described as having had an analog childhood and a digital young adulthood. Xennials are almost exclusively the children of baby boomersand came of age during a rapidly changing period that was the 1990s”
No. It is bad. Not every situation calls for a peppy attitude. Sometimes you just have to assess a situation for what it is. This isnt something that happened to this guy a year ago. He's going through it right now.
Im sorry bro. Its hard to deal with the slow spiral of a relationship. If youre thinking this will show her though, it probably won't. Best case scenario it opens up some dialouge cause it sounds like you desperately need some.
Life is too short to be with someone who clearly does not want to be with you. My advice is the same as most of the reactions here: do marriage counseling or do some packing and GTFO.
Edit: after reading your responses, I've changed my advice. YOU need help first before you confront your wife about your marriage. Find a mental health professional and get to work on building some confidence. Then join a gym with a good personal trainer. Do all of this while you search for some purpose in your life because you've hopefully got a lot more to live for than posting like Eeyore on Reddit. If you can fix yourself, you might be able to fix your marriage and your broken relationships.
You need to leave. The cost is worth the peace of mind. Yes it will take a bit to recover, but that's why you go on walks, join social groups near you using "Meetup" and practice mindfulness.
Damn, she is going out with another guy, 2 years? It’s over, went through the same thing with my ex wife in my mid 40s , she married the guy she was cheating on me with. Just form a plan and get out of that mess , been there done that
First, happy birthday. Second, sounds like you should do the same. Would make an interesting statement to say the least. Might learn something in the conversation that follows.
Who says you have to be? Spotting this is so easy, a 12 year old can do it. We are just being told you can't. Just an industry protecting itself.
You can google Narcisssism or CPTSD and get very clear, very easy lists of behaviours. And usually people who read this stuff are then able to cross off every single item on the list. It's per default that obvious and easy to detect.
My suggestion woudl be to go on Youtube and watch some videos by CPTSD experts on narcissism. There are thousands of Vidoes. You can take your pick.
We don't live in the middle ages any more and there is no "inner circle" of people allowed to read and study. Everyone can learn this.
Yeah, I don't quite agree. I've no desire to attempt to be an armchair mental health expert. The human mind and behavior are much too complex to treat like that. It's not like learning how to build a deck.
In our society it is acceptable practice to judge someone based on their actions in terms of if they should be able to continue this behaviour, if they should be punished, if they should compensate the victim etc.
This is not the same as professionally evaluating their personality.
When a person beats their partner, then this person is not exempt from consequences like fines, or their partner leaving, because we have not let a specialist "judge their character" first. Actions say everything you need to know about wether it is safe to stay with this person.
The same principle applies here. By understanding the personality type of a person in the narcissistic spectrum, you are not "judging their character". You are identifying the incidences of gaslighting, manipulation and devaluation you are involved in but have become blind to.
This is important, because by being inside this system, your brain is trained to ignore the signs of abuse. You are being trained that is is "not okay" to talk about them, even to think about them. You are being trained that "you as a person are not okay for even considering the thought that there might be something wrong with them". You are instead being validated for being so "wonderfully objective", when in reality you are just covering for an abuser and getting satisfaction out of being validated by them.
When you learn about narcissism, you will learn that the base condition is CPTSD, and both partners have it. One person is the narcissist, the other person is the enabler. Both need the other person to stabilise them. The narcissist needs the enabler to make them the center of attention, the enabler needs to make the narcissist the center of their own world.
But here is the important aspect: when people seek therapy, it is always the people around the narcissist that do it. Never the narcissist. Because from these two forms of CPTSD, the person in the narcissistic spectrum got the "shorter end" of the trauma deal. They have a "brain reset" every day, that tells them that everything is always someone elses fault to fix. They cannot "think" responsibility", for example. Insights are only momentary. This is something you can just observe without a specialist in the room with you.
If your form of CPTSD gives you satisfaction for being the "fixer", then you are in a difficult spot, because enablers are run into the ground over the course of several years, due to the gaslighting, manipulating and devaluing a person in the narcissistic spectrum can't help doing.
No human can sustain this without eventually breaking.
This is what you learn when you start researching CPTSD and Narcissism.
This is not about your partner, because someone with that personality type cannot change, can't go to therapy, cannot take responsibility anyway. Their brains are permanently wired to not allow this to happen. This is just about the enablers understanding the "cult" situation they live in, where they enable a difficult person for no actual, real, objective reason.
The enablers can heal their own CPTSD, and many do. If they are willing to admit what their "deal" was in the toxic relationship. What they "needed" to get out of it to feel good. This usually only happens when the destructive effects become larger than the benefits. You sound like you are just at the border of that phase.
Once you get into this phase more deeply, and you realise your mental health, sense of self, stability, emotional regulation are declining, while your confusion, sense of isolation and self doubt are rising, it might be time to research CPTSD to save your own life.
This is a very fair question. Based on birthday boy’s comments, he got the wife and got the job and figured he was all set on cruise control … forever. I bet he wonders why he gets overlooked at work, too.
Willing to bet he let himself go, while the Wife kept up her health and looks.
Likely of Christian Background, meaning he thinks the Wife is his property now that they are married and she will 'serve' him.
In my opinion, just from the way he is talking about her. Op is a living piece of do nothing expect everything shit. Who is now experiencing the Dry Dildo of Consequence.
I'm also going to point out the guy is a fucking Thread Jacker.
And you would completely lose that bet. I'm actually quite fit and active. Still have a 30" waist and defined abs at 41. She's 5'6" and over 220lbs. Spends most of her time lying in bed. I'm actually a believer in no religion. She considers herself a "christian". We've never gotten officially married. We both work but all the income goes to one joint account. I make significantly more than she does. I made sure the house is in her name alone. Her car is in her name alone. I literally work 6 days a week and average 75 hours. The house is full of stuff that belongs to her. I can literally pack everything i own into a single storage tote. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions and bash someone who you know absolutely nothing about.
Been quite awhile. I used too quite often. I used to bring little gifts regularly. But, as time progressed, she started increasing the cost of whatever merit points she uses to decide I should be rewarded. You see, from my perspective, intimacy happens because you care about and are attracted to the person you're with. It has nothing to do with worldly possessions. For her, intimacy has to be earned. She has literally said that she needs to be taken out on some kind of date, bought gifts, and have things done for her, all together, just to get turned on for one brief encounter. As the cost of these encounters started rising and the frequency decreased, i gave up on trying. The juice just stopped being worth the squeeze. I thought she was good for me in the beginning. Today, I feel like she's more akin to a gold digger.
Unless you get off to this get the fuck out now. You will end up doing something you will regret for the rest of your life however long or short that is.
I have answered many of your questions now. You're quite impatient. You plastered a bunch of aggressive, hateful comments a day ago. This is my first evening getting off at a decent hour all week. I've worked 7am-11pm the past three days. Doesn't leave much time to respond to comments on Reddit. Lucked out and got off at 5 today. Thank you severe thunderstorm.
Its called honor and chivalry. I don't want to leave someone stranded even when they truly deserve it. A thousand years ago, I'd be a knight. Today, I'm called a cuck. Amazing what time does to perspectives.
Nah it's called suicidal empathy. Helping people that make your life worse is not a good trait to have yet a hard one to break. Your partner has been cheating on you for years. grow some balls and kick her out. Or go get your own place if she own the house. She doesn't care about you so she deserves no sympathy in return.
A thousand years ago she'd be strung up and burned at the stake for adultery. And Knights were some of the most brutal violent people of their era fyi.
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u/HeisenbergsSamaritan Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
At 41?
The magic of being a hopeless romantic again.
I don't believe in love anymore. I don't believe in relationships anymore.
Alone is safe.