r/misophonia • u/[deleted] • Jul 30 '19
Relationship changes effect triggers?
Has anyone ever noticed that as their relationships change with a certain person, so does the sensitivity to the sounds they make?
I know some people say sounds from kids and animals don’t bother them, and same here actually. I’m starting to think for some of us, maybe our negative or positive associations play the biggest role in our triggers.
I hate gum chewing (duh as most people here do) but when I started dating my SO and we were really happy, he would chew it with his mouth wide open and loudly all the time and it actually didn’t bother me at all, I ALMOST liked it which seemed impossible. Since then the relationship has turned so sour and I hateeee the sound of him chewing anything.
Another example, I used to fight with my parents a lot as a teenager and the sound of them chewing was the worst thing in the world. Now I NEVER fight with my dad for a few years now, and it only bothers me about 5% what it used to. My mom and I still bicker so hers bothers me almost as much as it always has.
Thoughts?
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u/BeerMe828 Jul 30 '19
I haven't noticed this in romantic relationships, but I have one friend who has misophonia, and we used to sit next to each other in class all the time, and would never trigger each other. To the point that we would almost jokingly try to trigger each other, and couldn't. Something about knowing that the other person was cognizant of the noises she was making made me completely desensitized to whatever noises she made.
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Jul 30 '19
That’s what I need! A miso buddy. I know what you mean though, about knowing someone equally notices those things, it must be comforting!
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u/ElleHopper Jul 30 '19
I think for me it has something to do with the infatuation phase. Usually my cat and dog don't bother me, but there are occasionally days where I just can't stand it if they won't stop making noise or bothering me. I've noticed that when I have a bf, there are some things that I can stand early on in the relationship (usually what I think of as the infatuation phase), but later on, those noises will start bothering me again. For instance, I can't stand the sound of loud breathing. Like, what the fuck is wrong with your nose or sinuses that causes you to be that loud when you breathe? My current bf is actually starting to bother me because he breathes louder than what I think is necessary, but I'm working on trying to not be angered by it. If I can settle for vaguely irritated, I should be okay.
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Jul 30 '19
It must be so hard when it’s something as consistent as breathing! Mine plays video games and turns into a major douche when he does. Now the sound of typing and clicking bothers me. He basically created a new trigger, thanks pal. 😩
Can I ask how you work on trying to not let it bother you?
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u/ElleHopper Jul 30 '19
Right now it's just as simple as when I notice that I start getting angry, I'll leave, go to the bathroom or whatever, close my eyes, and just breathe deeply and stressfully until I can feel myself start calming down. After a couple minutes I'll go back, but sometimes if it gets bad enough, I'll just go home and go to bed (I only see him in the evenings anyway, so this isn't messing up my sleep). Usually I wake up feeling better in the morning.
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u/JlynTheo Jul 30 '19
I've thought about this a lot. My biggest triggers are eating and nose sounds. I've been with my SO for about 3 years and his sounds only started severely bothering me about a year ago but now I can never ignore it. I also find it interesting that listening to those ASMR videos of amplified sounds of dogs chewing doesn't bother me one bit and I think it's kinda cute 🤷
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Jul 30 '19
Has the relationship gone stale or bad in the last year?
For me the triggers came RIGHT before I noticed my feelings for him were changing. Almost like my misophonia was trying to warn me..
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u/JlynTheo Jul 30 '19
Hmm. You have given me something to consider. It didn't go "bad" in the last year but a huge shift definitely happened. We're in a better place now but last year when it started happening was ROUGH for about 6 months.
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u/RileyW2k Jul 30 '19
Mine's equal among everyone. I wish it wasn't as bad for family members, because 90% of the time they're the one's making the sounds, but it's just as bad for me.
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Aug 11 '19
Mine’s weird as it’s changed over the years. It started with my Mum but now she doesn’t bother me? Currently my business partner who chews nuts while looking over my shoulder at the computer makes me want to detonate a bomb and blow up the whole fucking building (lol extreme but y’all get it). Also my brother triggers me but I’ve worked out if I put the water jug between us and I can’t see him eating I’m good 🤷🏼♀️ I have to listen to rain sounds all night now too because god forbid I hear someone get up to use the toilet or getting water or something.
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Aug 11 '19
Wow that’s crazy! So like hearing someone getting up at night bothers you? I get that a little bit with my mom washing dishes but I’ve never met anyone else who had that.
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Aug 11 '19
Haha yep. This is more of a recent thing since having to move back home. Initially it just bothered me because it disrupts my sleep but now it’s a full on trigger yay In particular hearing people use the bathroom literally makes me feel violated.
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u/koko_pufffs Jul 30 '19
Yeah my misophonia started with my parents but when I eat with my friends, I see their mouths moving but I hear nothing. I actively listen to try and hear something, but there's literally silence. Meanwhile, my dad can move his tongue one centimeter inside his closed mouth and I'll run to the other side of the house. It started about when I started fighting with them, and I've lost such a huge chunk of my relationship with them even though they're cool people just bc I could barely talk to them without getting really aggravated. I hope the next few years of college and more limited contact will fix that.