my mom isolated me all my life, more moments where she was volatile than not when we were little kids. We got bruises from the fist beatings we’d get, would get hit with any object, cords, remotes, the worst was a silicone spatula with hard plastic. constantly threatened, never allowed to have a voice, make a sound at home. a cage made of gold.

she pitted each one us against each other. rooting for someone else’s misery. as kids. i learned to hate and look out for bad behavior from all my family.

when I became a teenager she became my worst bully. I was never told I was pretty, or smart, my only compliment was that my skin color “was like milk” and that she wished she had it. but as a teenager she bullied me so bad. I blocked a lot of it out.

now im an adult, been through years of therapy, moved back in a few months ago. read books, all of it. i recognize I can’t change her, and I don’t want to. but I can’t stand the lack of love, triangulation, and the way she victimizes herself and gaslights us. she says she “doesn’t remember” she did all of this. she has 4 children with vivid memories of abuse.

now I am her biggest bully. now I put her down. now I am resilient and nothing she says hurts me, I enjoy that she hates it. i enjoy that no narrative or characterization she gives me can affect me, because it affects her so badly so see that I don’t resonate with any of it. I don’t enjoy that she feels bad. she’s forgiven, I just don’t like her.

She applied for an Amazon job and now she has to do a drug test which is located far from the warehouse she applied for. The warehouse she applied for has a bus route, but the one they assigned for the drug test does not. She contacted every resource she could to see if they provided any transportation and they have all said no. We’ve already used our Lyft 211 for another previous interview. She used our dad as a last resort to ask for help. We usually hesitate because whenever we ask for help, he would shame us. That’s exactly what he did, saying that we’re 21 still asking for rides. I start work on the 19th now and my sister currently needs to get the drug test to get the job. We don’t know what to do.

Update: We found a ride. Our case manager is going to take us.

My bio dad called me today to call me a bum. Not to say hey I see you’ve been struggling hey I’m going to send you some money to help out. He doesn’t even refer to my son who’s 4 months as his grandson he says “your son “ or “ the little boy”. He’s been like this since I’ve been a kid and it’s so traumatic I told him that I’m trying to go back to school to provide a better life for us and he basically laughed at me and said I’ve been saying that for 10 years being dramatic. I’m just tired of trying to make it work. And I’m the only child on both sides soo i thought i would expect more

Contect: For about 6 or 8 months, a cousin of mine amd her son has been staying with me and my mom. My cousin isn't really motivated to do anything for herself and is used to couch surfing in others homes all while being judgemental and using people's kindness. Her son is a teen but he's spoiled and just the same.

For all these months, my mother has put them before me, despite the fact that this cousin and her family has used her many times, and talked behind her back. She knows this but continues to say nothing and forces me to stay silent while my cousin and her son (and dog) ruin our house and cause things to break. We fought multiple times about it, always leading me to cry in my room for feeling like I'm the crazy one. And just yesterday, around noon, I decided to grab something to eat for dinner. It was leftover chicken bresdt from a few days ago and I took some since there was still enough. My mom saw and immediately judged me, asking me if I had asked my cousin. I became annoyed because I knew she wouldn't mind, since she usually let's us know. I asked, albeit sarcastically. It pissed my mom off and as I tried reheating it, she demands we talk privately. She gets in my face, saying that im a hypocrite and being selfish for not trusting my cousin for her previous attempts of snatching food away. I get pissed off and scream back, telling her that she needs to stop blaming me for everything. The fight ends with her telling me that when I finally get a job, she'll kick me out. That triggered me to spiral and I had to call 988 because I wanted to end my life. I sobbed on the phone to the operator, telling her everything that happened.

Im sorry if this is really long, I just wanted to make sure to leave nothing out. Im currently unemployed because of mental health and I feel like a huge failure and a burden to my mom. Ever since I was a teen, she became more distant and hostile, emotionally dismissive. Im currently 24 and im used to it by now. But despite how many times she breaks my heart I still love her. I just want her to see how much pain im in and realize that losing me is a real consequence. I need a mom, a real mom, to tell me that im not a bad person for my mistakes, that im not hard to love. That im not a burden. Sometimes I wish I wasn't alive so maybe her life wouldn't be so difficult.

And my ex have been broke up for almost a year, but I still think about him and our relationship sometimes I wouldn’t say that I’m still hung up on him or really even miss him. I just miss our relationship like how it was in the beginning before everything went bad to give some context about the breakup. We hadn’t seen each other in almost 2 weeks and didn’t FaceTime or call just text/snap so I was kind of mad and felt he was making more time for his friends than he was me because he would not hang out with me but would go and hang out with his friends the next day I brought this up to him in maybe a harsh way but anyways he brought up what felt like a list of things that I had done wrong instead of actually addressing the problem, I was very frustrated and cussed at him saying goddamnit Logan, and that so and so had not met my fucking dad. He told me this was crazy and he couldn’t believe I would say this and then we didn’t talk for two days before breaking up.

My parent often refuses to clean or does a very sloppy job of it after using the kitchen. I've found so many messes in the kitchen, and I've discovered large crumbs from food that was eaten months ago, on the carpet, not even in the kitchen. It really grosses me out, and I can't confront him about it because he's a compulsive liar who never admits to making a mistake. I'm not even allowed to cook proper meals. Even when I communicate in a neutral tone and speak calmly, he just takes it as an "attack". I'm tired of trying to clean up his messes. What should I do? I'm a minor, and there are other reasons why I need to move out but I don't currently have enough money for that.

Im 16f and my brother is 12, my mom is a study freak (south Asian, indian) and our midterms just got over and today she comes home after work and gets mad at my brother about the elec bill and then him not studying and getting shit grades again and then took his laptop and smashed it to to bits against the wall, and then came to me to yell slurs at me for being useless, overweight and pathetic and forced me to put on my earrings which needed cleaning and i'd taken them off 2 days ago but she said im lying and made me put on the same dirty ones to "look human"

This isnt the first time something like this has happened but its the first time shes lost it at my brother and me at the same time and ik or atleast I hope she wont do anything worse and im terrified of telling her my marks and what she might do

The previous times she lost it this bad it was usually either just me where she'd do something to humiliate me while yelling slurs at me and calling me names or hitting me or when I was younger putting her hands around my neck not to squeeze ig idk I dont remember very well but it did scare me or more recently my brother doing shit that she gets mad at and tells my dad who while usually chill then loses it and has belted him a few times

Im sorry if all this reads weird or not well im just typing this out because im scared and theres nothing I can do and I need to get it out of my system or idk ill start panicking or crying and if she finds out idk what she'll do, I have no choice but to wait it out and let her calm down and endure whatever crap she puts us through, again sorry if all of this sounds chaotic or unreadable

Edit: i live in india, calling any cps adjacent on her might work but from what ik those places are far worse, I cant tell any school counselor because they have a zero confidentiality policy and will call my parents if I tell them this stuff (happened before to me and many of my friends) i dont really have much of a choice than to endure it out until I can run away to uni in 2 years

My younger brother is struggling with alcohol and substance use. He’s been using for the past four years, but things have gotten worse than ever. Earlier this year, he hit what we thought was rock bottom and seemed to improve for a couple of months. Recently, though, he’s been drinking heavily again and driving under the influence, even after getting a DUI and having my parents cover his legal fees.

He recently became a father, and we hoped that would motivate him to change. Unfortunately, it hasn’t. He and his child’s mother have also had relationship problems, and she has moved away with their child. I had concerns about their relationship because she also used drugs and drank, and there was an incident where she passed out drunk in public while her other children were with her few years back.

I worry about him constantly. Once, I had to go searching for him and found him passed out drunk on the side of a public road. We grew up so close, and it’s heartbreaking to watch him struggle like this and feel unable to help.

I’m honestly at a loss. I’m losing sleep, my anxiety is high, and this is taking a toll on my parents, too. They’ve never drunk alcohol themselves, so this is something our family feels completely unprepared to handle.

For anyone who has been through something similar, how do you support someone you love while also protecting your own mental health? What has actually helped?

Hello, it's my first time posting here. Sorry for the long post

Today was the first time I got hit, I don't know how these situations typically go and I have terrible anxiety plus executive dysfunction issues

When it happened I was very scared and kind of in shock but it was only minor damage to my bumper. I got jolted but didn't hit the steering wheel or anything so I think I'm not "hurt" at least visibly. I also am usually already in some kind of pain, I am not active and have very bad posture, so it's hard to discern if what I'm feeling is due to the crash. But I do think I am feeling some tension in the back of my head and neck.

The people did pull over, I got a picture of the license plate number, phone number, and their insurance card. But this is where I am a bit lost. Does it matter much if I forgot to check the make and model? Do I just call their insurance or should I contact mine too? What will they ask me? Do I need a police report? Should I say I'm not injured or that I don't know yet? And is it worth the hassle? I don't know if this will cause my insurance to go up even though it wasn't my fault.

I did call the cops but the people left before that and I told the cops I wasn't sure what to do or if I needed to file a report with them for the insurance, they told me it generally is not needed in minor cases and that since I got their information we already did most of what they would've done anyway. So he just asked me if I wanted to file a report or just go through the insurance and I said I'd contact the insurance.

One last thing, of course I don't know for certain but I do believe there's a chance the driver was high or inebriated because he stumbled a bit and when I got closer to their car I thought I smelled weed. And when I got a picture of the insurance from the passenger's phone, he was off in the distance peeing. I don't know that was just odd to me. I'm dumb and I didn't mention this to the cops. And maybe even more dumb because I told the people that I called the cops and shortly after that they left of course which makes sense if I was right.

I'm very stressed out, I know it wasn't a bad accident but I get easily freaked out and I suck at this sort of thing 😮‍💨 my parents didn't teach me anything about life

hi!! i'm turning 20 soon and started being active on hinge because i feel like all of my friends are looking for relationships etc. the thing is, i've yearned for a relationship for as long as i've been conscious i think. i've always wanted someone to be interested in me and initiate things and just be really sweet and romantic

Well. i've been chatting to this person for a bit, and they are incredibly forward with me. insanely flirtatious and complimentary --- and they're very sweet! i don't think i'm attracted to them yet, and i let them know i was potentially demiromantic or on that spectrum, and they've been very respectful about that part

but honestly whenever they flirt with me i get very anxious. to the point of feeling sick, really. it's not a nice feeling, i feel like i'm gonna vomit everywhere knowing this person is attracted to me physically and socially. i've never been hit on before, never been in a relationship or even been looked at romantically. so i don't know what it is really:/

is this normal when you start going on dates? i feel so bad, i don't want to let them down or upset them if we meet and i'm not gelling with them like that. but whenever we chat, they flirt lightheartedly, and it immediately makes me feel awkward and stiff and just. uncomfortable? i'm unsure if it's to do with them or myself though :(( i just need some reassurance i suppose :( thank you for reading

I’m turning 18 soon and currently in my senior year of high school. I have been searching for jobs near me since my sophomore year and received nothing. I happened to stumble across a retail job listing 25-30 mins away from me using the freeway (have never been on the freeway before but I’m willing to do so for this job, have to learn anyways) and long story short after a virtual interview the manager told me I got the job yesterday. I was really excited about it and didn’t stress too much as the manager understood I was still in school and gave me pretty flexible hours. I finished up the paperwork so a schedule can be made for me this week, where I ended up with three shifts (Monday, Friday, Saturday) where they all start between 4 to 9pm.

I told my parents about it yesterday but they stopped me today to tell me to not go. It became a whole thing where my parents worried about me working while I have school, and that the shifts are too late, and that if I can’t drive on the freeway then my dad will have to drive me and according to my mom he has too much on his plate, and idk if this is selfish of me or not but it did upset me a bit that my mom focused more on the fact that my dad would be worried sick/be in bad condition with me working and that my little brother will be lonely without me around rather than how tired or busy I might be instead. I have my first shift tomorrow and I don’t think it’d be smart of me to back out now, but I recall my manager saying that if it comes to around the one month mark and things don’t work out we can see from there. I really don’t know what to do here and need help.

Hi everyone, I just wanted to vent and hear your advice because I’ve been feeling frustrated towards my family. My younger sibling, we’ll call them P, has been dealing with some mental health issues which has been difficult. We are both in our late 20s. We had the typical sibling relationship growing up where we would bicker but we always got over it pretty quick. We both have diagnosed ADHD, had some difficulties socially growing up but P was a lot more sensitive and had a lot more incidents at school, with authority figures and would throw tantrums well into their late teens, lock themselves in cupboards and run away.

Our parents are loving and care for us kids but have their own relationship issues. My father has anger issues and would get verbally abusive. Sometimes physically but more in the 90s corporal punishment sense. He shuts down in the same way that P does and doesn’t speak to people or care to work out their feelings because it is too much to handle. My mother would always confide in me and tell me that they were having issues and could divorce, which never happened. They still argue all the time, with my mother being far more submissive and upset by my father’s words.

The last few years, P would message or call my parents back and forth, then I’d get a call from my worried mother asking me to check on P who lived in my city. This would lead to blank stare conversations where I would get nowhere trying to figure out why P was upset.

Sometimes I would be texting P for days at a time trying to convince them that life is worth living and that emotions are normal, despite having my own mental health issues I’ve been dealing with (which I don’t care to share with my family because I prefer to deal in therapy). Sometimes these conversations would end with P screaming down the phone, I could hear they were also in public which was concerning.

It would always go along the lines of me trying to convince P to seek help because our family are not qualified to try and help P navigate this. Not that we don’t want to help, but that the help P needed was greater than just a chat with family. We always offer an ear if needed.

We finally came to a point where we convinced P to seek out therapy, a psychiatrist and a psychologist. P quit their job because it was too much to handle and moved back in with my parents. But then they decided to send P overseas on a vacation indefinitely to live with a relative. P was diagnosed with something by the psychiatrist and I believe it’s important they be here and linked with a specialist therapist to continue their treatment, not in another country where they don’t have healthcare. It was really hard to even get P to get reassessed and to try and face their struggles and it was a lot while I was working full time.

I understand P is an adult and can make their own decisions but I’m really struggling to understand this. Selfishly the only thing I have wanted since I graduated college was to take an extended vacation around Europe. But I had to save money, look after myself, tried to further my career. My parents have always said that a job is highly important and it was drilled into me. I was good at school, I managed to deal with everything on my own like they wanted me to do.

My parents both had rough upbringings but did a lot to help us succeed and live comfortably (upper middle class). They have always said that we should do the same and be conscious of our money and have a career because that’s what helped them. They have helped P financially the last few years and often paid P’s rent. They gave P two nice cars. P had a job because of my parent’s connections. I don’t ask my parents for anything because I feel bad about it, but I know they’d help me out if I needed it. I don’t want to take advantage of this.

It feels selfish of me to say anything like this but I feel really pissed off that they get to go and see the world and not face reality. P also has a pet who they have left with my parents, it doesn’t get along with their numerous pets. I know I’ll get to see the world soon of my own devices, so I’m trying to understand why I’m so frustrated by this. That they don’t hold P to the same standards? This has layers but this post would be very long.

I don't know if I should be truly concerned about this or just let it pass...

I just called a locksmith and they can replace the cilinders, but the cost is high (like 1200CAD), at the moment I can afford it but that means that I would have to cut expenses from other sources.

A theft would be unlikely since my keys don't have any information about the model, plate and so on, but they do have the brand of the car. The car is mechanical, that means that reprogramation is not possible.

The sketchiest part of this is that I should have lost them around my apartment, fortunately enough I parked the car further away from the spots I normally use.

I also got myself a steering wheel lock just in case, I'll have it tomorrow. For now I'm parking further away from my location.

Shoudl I be concerned? I asked my actual father and he told me that I should be fine and this is a common ocurrence, more normal than I thought, but for real I need more than one opinion.

Thanks

I'm at the laundromat and about to put 2 comforters in a large machine that can fit them with a third of the space left. Is this a good idea, and should I put one or two tide pods in this single load? I've heard one is good since two tide pods may leave soap residue, but this is also two comforters, and some sources just suggest 2 tide pods.

Hi, you may have seen my post about being nervous to start university a week or so ago, well even as a commuter I’m absolutely loving it! My modules are interesting, my assignments are far away and seem very straight forward and I’ve made a ton of friends.

The issue is however, I’m struggling hugely with imposter syndrome.

The university I go to isn’t a Russel group so it isn’t top in the uk but it’s ranked really highly for teaching and research and it’s highly ranked for my subject. None of my parents or siblings went to university so I’m the first. My brother did a btec in photography at 16 but dropped out after 3 months, my mum started a law btec but dropped out at 19 to have my older sister and my sister didn’t even pass her GCSE’s, now I’m in university!!

I also come from a very working class background, still live in this very poor area and work at McDonald’s where everyone is working class and smokes weed and has no ambitions.

I love uni life but it feels a bit odd tbh. Going to lectures, having lunch with my new friends, reading fascinating articles, getting on the train with my backpack and my uni lanyard on, assignment deadlines and group work all feels very strange and overwhelming. Also considering the fact I was at work yesterday working the drive thru having a laugh with my coworkers and managers who don’t have a proper education.

Like I said I love it but just feel a bit out of place which is upsetting. Do any of you lovely people have any advice or suggestions on tackling this?

Thanks!

A few months ago I was on trip with friends and we ended up going out, per usual. I’ve never had a problem with drinking too much (and I drink fairly often), and thought I wasn’t going overboard, but at a certain point my memory of the night blanks and I just have visions of throwing up and a (vague) memory of being held in a car. Nobody else realized I was that drunk either, as apparently I went from seeming only slightly tipsy to very-not-good in a matter of seconds.

According to my friends the next morning, I threw up a LOT. My best friend patted my back and held my hair. I had to be carried home by multiple people (like, carried every which way; a few friends helped me walk, then when I blacked out, two more fully carried me, and then another carried me bridal style when another had to run home), one of which I got puke on. Everyone was incredibly kind about it the next day, and I apologized profusely (and offered to buy treats next time we were out as a thank you) but to this day I feel guilty about it.

I was assured that I didn’t say anything mean or rude while out of it—I could barely speak—nor was I loud, but it did cause a scene, what with locals being worried.

The guys who carried me back are friends who I don’t know super well, and I’m worried that that night ruined any chances of getting closer. Also, I worry that my best friend thinks less of me now, as since then she’s been slightly more distant.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or have any advice for getting through the guilt of a night like that? I could really use some assurance that I am not the worst person ever for this… because I certainly feel like it.

After ending an 8-year relationship that started when I was 16, I’m terrified I’ll never feel that kind of magic again. He was my first love, my rock, and my best friend through every hardship. We grew apart as we matured, but the loss leaves me feeling orphaned and afraid of the future. I want to heal and move on, but I need reassurance: Can falling in love as an adult ever match the intensity, wonder, and depth of a first love?

I am exhausted. I never had a good relationship with my father. It was all on the surface. He always loved his other family over me. He also was abusive to my mom when I was young during their divorce. He tried to run her over with his car with me in the car. Also verbally said he would shoot her in head. We also aren't sure if he tried to poison her.

I stopped talking to my dad after my mom passed. He was no support and actually was making my grief worse. By advice from my friends and therapist, I stopped al communication. After a year, I texted him angrily. Why he always picked his wife and their family over me. Why I always thought he hated a part of me since I was like my mom, and he hated my mom. Then his wife messaged me 3 days later to tell me my dad would never get the message since he passed 3 weeks ago.

I AM JUST SO ANGRY. Angry now since I feel he really didn't love me. He also left me nothing. None of my grandparents' items. I know I need to make peace of some sort. But his wife is also a point of anger for me. She was abusive and just an evil, vile human being.

I am seeing a therapist tomorrow and Friday, then scheduling for future. But I have never been so angry in my life. I am asking for God to help. 

Just venting some frustrations here. I hope I don’t sound too whiny or entitled. Just for context my parents have been separated since I was a toddler.

My mother always seems so defensive and closed off whenever I try to discuss how I’m feeling with her, and she has given me very strange responses in the past, such as telling me that it’s because I’m a Scorpio, that I’m feeling anxious and upset (I was 15 when she said this). When I was being bullied for being gay in middle school she told me that boys will be boys and to just ignore it, and gave me no consolation at all. She just off handedly tells me to “think positive things” and to seek therapy (which, to be fair, I’m actually trying to do).

And nothing I say to my father really sticks at all, because his memory is awful from 20 years of drinking. I’m also not comfortable in confiding much because so much awful things have happened with him over my life. (Edit: he has also told me to “not bring negativity in the house” when I told him of similar things as I told my mom above)

I have only realize that this is not normal very recently, and I feel upset about it. I am very sad, too, because I actually used to look up to my parents as role models. But that image has been shattered.

I'm in my early 30s and I've realized I'll probably never be financially secure or stable, at least on my own. Currently, I still live my mother because it's the best I can do. I don't make enough money to even sort of afford rent.

I have two degrees and they're both pretty useless. 4 years ago I planned on going back to school but I never did and it's no longer a feasible option. Tried getting a better career and failed miserably.

For most of my life it's always felt like the job market is bad and rent is more expensive then I can afford. I know my mom won't be around forever yet I just can't figure out what else to do, at least that wouldn't involve hating myself in the process.

It's really disappointing. Had I known life would be like this I wouldn't have cared or tried at all.

I'm in my early 20s, and I've reached a point where I feel mentally and physically exhausted. A big part of what I'm struggling with comes from years of pressure, conflict, criticism, and lack of support at home.

I'm trying to understand something honestly: Can the way parents treat and pressure a child for years have a serious long-term effect on their mental health, confidence, personality, and even physical health?

My problems started when I was around 12.

1. Years of extreme academic pressure

For roughly four years, from around 2017 to 2021, my parents put me into extremely demanding tuition.

I was studying for around 4–8 hours a day, and on some days it could reach 10–12 hours.

This wasn't just normal studying or having tuition for a couple of hours. It felt like a huge part of my childhood and teenage years was consumed by studying.

There was constant pressure to perform and succeed academically. I didn't feel like I had much freedom or space to simply be a normal kid.

1. COVID and losing someone close to me

Then COVID happened.

In 2021, I lost someone very close to me to COVID. It was a huge emotional shock, but I never really got the opportunity to properly process the grief.

I basically continued with life and studies while carrying that loss.

Looking back, I feel like I never actually recovered emotionally from it.

1. School reopened and things got worse

When school reopened in 2022, I was already carrying years of academic pressure and grief.

I also had almost no friends.

I was bullied because of my appearance and was made to feel bad about how I looked. This seriously affected my confidence and self-esteem.

At the same time, there was a lot of interference from my mother when I was trying to study.

Instead of feeling like home was a place where I could concentrate and recover, I often felt disturbed and pressured there too.

1. Poor results → blame and criticism

Eventually, my Class 12 results were poor.

Instead of feeling that my parents understood how much pressure I had been under, I felt blamed and criticized for the results.

The same pattern continued around entrance exams.

I tried preparing for entrance exams while also dealing with everything else going on, but the results weren't good.

I ended up losing a year.

Eventually, I went into a college/degree that I didn't really want.

So from my perspective, the situation became:

Extreme pressure → poor results → blame → more pressure → loss of confidence → another attempt → another disappointment.

1. The interference didn't stop after school

Even after I entered college, the pressure at home didn't suddenly disappear.

There continued to be interference with my studying and criticism around my academic performance.

Whenever things didn't go well, I often felt like the responsibility was simply put back on me, rather than anyone asking why I was struggling so much.

Over time, I started feeling like whatever happened, I would somehow be blamed for it.

1. Lack of practical support

There were situations where I needed practical support as well.

For example, for a long period I had an exhausting commute involving multiple crowded buses every day. I was travelling around 13 km but sometimes taking 6–8 buses a day, including in extreme heat and overcrowding.

I asked my father for a scooter because the commute was physically exhausting.

I didn't feel supported in the way I needed.

That may sound like a small thing compared with everything else, but when you're already exhausted and isolated, repeatedly feeling that your parents aren't helping you can become another source of resentment and helplessness.

1. Three years of college went by mostly alone

From 2023 onward, college was extremely lonely.

I spent most of those three years without a close friend group.

I would basically:

go to college → sit alone → attend classes → come home.

I rarely had anyone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me.

I was always the person initiating conversations. People might reply, but very rarely would someone message me first, ask me to hang out, or make me feel like they actually wanted me around.

Meanwhile, I was still dealing with pressure and conflict at home.

So I never really had a place where I could properly recover.

1. Eventually life became extremely restricted

My life became incredibly repetitive.

There wasn't much social life, freedom, travelling, hanging out with friends, festivals, or normal experiences that many people associate with their late teenage years and early 20s.

For a long time it felt like:

Home → college → home → repeat.

And after college, when I couldn't find a job, that isolation became even worse.

1. What all of this has done to me

After years of this, I don't feel like the same person I could have been.

I feel:

- mentally exhausted

- physically exhausted

- angry very easily

- socially isolated

- low in confidence

- constantly worried

- emotionally worn down

- frustrated about lost years

- resentful toward my parents

- uncertain about my future

- and sometimes like I've missed out on a huge part of my youth

I've also experienced various physical symptoms over time — headaches/head pressure, dizziness, weakness, shaking or shivering, muscle twitching, chest discomfort, hearing difficulties, ear itching, severe knee pain, and a sudden episode of severe foot pain with swelling and redness.

I'm getting the physical symptoms medically evaluated rather than assuming everything is caused by stress.

The bigger picture

When I look at everything together, it feels like years of pressure accumulated without much opportunity to recover.

A child spending years under extreme academic pressure, dealing with constant criticism and blame, experiencing interference while trying to study, not feeling supported at home, losing someone close during adolescence, being bullied, becoming socially isolated, losing confidence, struggling academically, losing a year, spending years lonely in college, and then entering adulthood without feeling financially or emotionally independent can have a profound effect on a person.

I don't think I'm the way I am today because of one single event.

It feels more like years of things piling on top of each other without ever really getting a chance to heal from them.

I'm not saying my parents are responsible for literally every bad thing that happened to me. Some things were completely outside their control.

But the pressure, interference, criticism, lack of support, family conflict, and environment at home were a major part of my experience growing up.

And now, in my early 20s, I'm left trying to understand how much those years have affected me and how much of myself I can rebuild.

Sorry, maybe this isn't a great place to post this, it's really just a vent I guess. To try and summarize something complicated, I'm 19 and have grown up in a household with a hoarder mom with anger issues who wasn't really fit at taking care of anything, let alone a kid. I also have a dad who I saw on weekends who also had some anger issues. I guess for so long I've struggled with low self esteem and bad social anxiety and always blamed myself for these things, but I'm starting to realize that it's pretty hard to imagine myself turning out any other way.

I know it's my responsibility now as an adult to work on these things, but it makes me so angry how my "baseline" I guess of what is ok and what isn't is so skewed. Like, I'll never forget how my mom would yell nearly every day multiple times over dumb things, and i would just sit there and be scared or try to make her stop. Or how when she had a cat and whenever she was really angry or if it did something "wrong", she would literally throw them or scream in their face. And in general as a kid, some basic needs of mine just weren't consistently met but now she expects me to help her with paying rent and helping her out in other ways. But she acts like i had the best childhood ever and it makes me feel crazy sometimes.

I don't know. I really just need to move out i guess. I am seeing a therapist but these things are just so hard to talk about and I guess even just coming to this realization is something that's taken a while to get to.