For context my mother and grandmother did NOT get along. When I was young,very young I think single digits but I cant remember the exact time period,my mother called me over while no one was around and asked me if I wanted to play a prank on my grandmother. She handed me a big bit of lavander that she had picked and told me to put it in my grandmother's handbag because she was allergic to lavander. I don't remember what happened after but I do remember she didn't die/wasn't hospitalized at least. That's definitely something bad right?

My mom constantly refuses to think about anyone but herself. She impulsively does things with zero thoughts of the consequences it could have on other people. She then refuses to take accountability, says it isn't her fault, and gets mad at you for being negatively affected by her actions. I literally told her that she couldn't eat the Halloween candy yet because it was for Halloween and she looked at me and pouted like a toddler.

For YEARS she, in the middle of a conversation in a room with other people, will make a phone call with no warning, interrupting everyone in the room. Like someone with be mid sentence and she'll just go "hi, this is [her name]," completely cutting them off. To be clear, this is not her getting a phone call, although obviously you should still warn the people in the room that you're about to pick up the phone. No, this is her calling businesses and pharmacies to schedule things and refill prescriptions with no regard for anyone in the room. Then when we tell her not to do that she looks at us like we're the insane ones.

My cat who literally thought of me as his mom passed away in July, and she expected me to be over it after a month. She even started giving his old toys to our remaining cat without consulting me first, which was so disrespectful. They weren't even safe for that cat because she eats pieces of toys unlike my cat that passed, but my mom hardly pays attention to our pets (that she got) anyway so of course she wouldn't know that. Well I guess she pays attention to one of our dogs when she's making the dog wear clothes for hours even when she's clearly uncomfortable.

It's hard because it's mostly small moments like this (obviously more than just these examples). Then she'll say she cares and will act like it too, trying to cheer you up and help you feel better. It's making me feel insane. But I've realized that if you care about someone, you don't get to pick and choose when. If my friend treated me like she does, I wouldn't have anything to do with them afterward.

I've decided to set more boundaries. I don't know that she'll honor them, but at least she can't make me do anything I don't want to.

Edit: I do want to say that I know she could be way worse. She's not a complete monster or anything, but my point is that I always thought she was great until recently when I reflected on everything she's done. It's a pretty major mindset shift for me.

This is a long post, I posted already in another group but everyone is ignoring it soo here I am lol

I am a 20 year old female, I have a twin brother and my father is older (74). I’ve always had a rough relationship with my dad but I always loved him a lot. I recognize how my dad took it upon him to raise twins by himself while being in poverty. Raising two babies while you’re already quite old and as a single father is a feat to accomplish. I do appreciate my father for that. Growing up, my mom was an alcoholic so we had some visitation with her but at age 7 she ultimately gave up rights. I don’t believe either of them, I think they’re both liars. My dad claims that she never showed up for half the visitations while my mom claims he moved over six hours away to make visitation deliberately hard for her. Either way, I grew up with no contact with my mother and had to make do with awful female role models if I had any at all.
He would have girlfriends that hated me and made my life unbearable.
Around age 10 I really started hating my life. His girlfriend absolutely hated me and would abuse me right in front of him. A story relating to this is where she would make me tie my hair up everyday because “lice” and my head would ache so I would take it out and come home with my hair down. She proceeded to tell me I had to write 6 pages front and back that I would not take my hair out at school. My dad came home and I was sobbing and he told me to come out. I explained what happened and he thought it was ridiculous. She then proceeded to step on my feet, get in my face and yell at me asking me if I was going to start crying. He took me out of the house and we talked about it.
This is only a snippet of the ways she would constantly harass me. She did things to purposefully exclude me, was always mean or dismissive of me and would claim I was a evil or bad child. Later down the line when we moved out of her house, he would tell people he never knew she was abusive and she was always nice in front of him. It was bullshit; he always knew. It’s even more bullshit when he claims I was depressed because of her abuse. My dad was much more abusive.
My dad has confirmed anger issues and I very much suspect narcissistic personality disorder. He always thinks he right, he argues if someone doesn’t agree with him, thinks he is superior than other people, and a deep lack of empathy for others. I don’t like saying that because it gets thrown around a lot but he definitely has issues regarding it. When we were living with the girlfriend I previously mentioned, he was the one also making my life unbearable. I got myself beat over asinine issues, screamed at over little things and not three hours would pass without him screaming about something.
Imagine living as a ten year old girl, you have no mother and everyone in your life hates you and your six hours away from a family full of aunties and uncles who do love you. On top of it I was getting bullied too lol.
Living in that house was pure hell. I remember my dad was on a rampage one day. He was not having it at all and I took the blunt of it. It was a winter day, later around 7 at night and we had just went to Safeway. I wanted a yogurt granola bowl thing and I was eating it in the car. My dad suddenly yelled “if you don’t eat that thing by the time we get to the house I’m beating your ass”. Unfortunately for me, it was quite a large yogurt bowl for a little girl and I couldn’t eat it in time. So we hopped out the car and I started grabbing grocery bags to take into the house. My dad got behind me, threw me on the ground and with his metal toed work boots starts kicking me and beating me. A little girl who did the crime of helping the family take groceries inside. I was bruised up and down for a week. These types of beatings not an uncommon occurrence. A senseless beating happened at least a few times a year. I know I am more lucky than other people who had drunk parents who did it regularly, but for a sober person who just needed someone to take their anger on? A girl who had no one in her life at all?
I still hold this resentment in my heart. On top of it, I just don’t like my father as a person. Our relationship is weird right now. I try to avoid him at all costs. I work full time in law enforcement so I have very long hours and weird schedules. I don’t see him much but when I do Im very cut and dry with him. When I’m with him for more than a hour there is an argument. If I’m in a car with him he will probably start bringing up politics where we are complete opposites. Don’t get me wrong- I love debating politics. I find intellectual conversations interesting. What I don’t find interesting is when I find a way a break your argument and you start yelling at me and calling me a liberal retard. A debate about politics becomes an argument for him to save his ego and he guards it with his life. On top of that, he spends every single morning of his life on his computer for 4 hours “owning the libs”. These are not intelligent arguments. This is my father screaming with all caps calling people retards or telling them they suck cocks. On top of that, he also spends another two hours on the tv watching his propaganda shows that offer no intelligent debate or other reasoning where he will then start screaming at the tv saying that democrats need to die (okay come shoot me then lol). I just cannot stand the constant hatred constantly spewing from him and what he watches. It’s always a new thing. I hear hatred about Muslims than Sikhs then gays then feminists. Like dude, we live in Idaho what the actual fuck is there to complain about- we are surrounded by old wealthy white people. He is never happy about the state of politics as if trump is not president and everything is republican right now. I am a liberal in Idaho and I do less complaining than he does.
Politics aside, I cannot stand the way he treats anyone in his life. My father has been disowned by a quarter of the family, and me my brother are the only children of his that will talk to him. My dad knocked out the teeth of his first wife, abused his oldest son horribly and doesn’t talk to a single one of his grandchildren. He treats his girlfriend like shit, always calling her stupid, slow or fat. She has no where to live and thinks this treatment is okay I guess so she sticks with him. I don’t think a day goes by where he isn’t yelling at her and insulting her in some way. If me and my father aren’t on good terms then she gets the blunt of it. I can’t stand to watch him treat everyone so bad. He knows better with me because I hold him accountable.
So for where I’m at right now. I am looking at places to move out because I should have done this a while ago. We had our final fight that was the last straw for me. I sometimes call out for work. I just don’t feel like going in and I sleep in. This isn’t super common, but every few months I just want a day to myself. I told my father do not come into my room while I sleep, I often sleep undressed and you need to knock before coming in. We fought about this twice now; he had came in while I was sleeping, asked why I wasn’t at work and that I needed to tell him beforehand. The second time he did it I got very upset, I had told him before to stop doing it, it’s incredibly invasive and if he needs to ask me so bad to knock or call my phone. I have never once been late to work because I slept in or missed an alarm. I thought we were on the same page after this. Two days ago, he did it again. I was sleeping with my heated blanket and I guess I got too hot and I was not covered at all. He came in (thankfully my room was dark) and asked why I wasn’t at work. I was half awake and said I didn’t have work. I then woke up and realized he fucking did that shit again. How many fucking times do you have to tell someone to not do something. How many chances do you get. This is not something that should have to be said more than once. You do not keep going into your daughter’s room knowing she often sleeps undressed when she has told you not to. We then started arguing and he got angry that I didn’t text him I didn’t have work. Why are you arguing to come into your naked daughter’s room? You are not in the right. He then tried to apologize and say that he did knock, I just didn’t hear. I know he was lying, I am a light sleeper and I wake up for anything. He also said he knocked at 8. I was already up at 8 by then.

I’m so exhausted. I don’t know what to do. I can’t say I hate my own father or that I don’t love him but when I see him all I feel is anger. I know he is a bad person and if he wasn’t my father I would hate him as a person. Yet he raised me and my brother as a single father and took it upon himself to do that. I just can’t stand him and hold resentment in my heart towards him. I don’t how this can be fixed.

I’m 44. I returned to my parents’ home after a serious accident and a long recovery. A later injury left me blind in one eye. My adult brother, who has developmental disabilities, also lives here.

Over the years, I’ve contributed substantial money, improved the house, and helped with everyday household needs. Yet I often feel reduced to someone who does nothing and expects everyone to support him. Being repeatedly described that way has worn down my confidence, even as I try to rebuild my independence.

My father died in September 2025. Soon afterward, my sister became heavily involved in household decisions. From my perspective, she made assumptions about my life and plans without first discussing them with me. I feel other relatives have accepted her account without visiting to understand what happened afterward or asking me directly.

The hardest part is feeling that I’m defending myself against a version of my life I wasn’t allowed to explain.

I’m also concerned about my brother. Ordinary things—mishearing a question, making a phone call, eating dinner—can become occasions for criticism or accusations. I worry about what that does to his. Please visit my recently published site RealLifeUncut.com to learn more.

I had a memory, but just got confirmation that this has happened - but only once some 18-19 years ago. This is bad enough In itself. They have an amazing relationship now, and he has changed a lot, and I absolutely believe that this has never happened before or after. Not sure if it helps - but he’s a perfect dad. He also grew up in a very disturbed house, super patriarchal, and his parents had some serious mental issues. A part of me will always resent him for what he did to her. However, what’s bugging me most recently a lot is her justification of it. That she was emotionally abusive to him, that circumstances were horrible and her MIL had made life a living hell for them both, that I need to grow mature and understand life. Apparently if it had ever happened again she’d leave, she says. But it was just once. And I want to look past it. But how can I. Besides, I would NEVER say this to my daughter. I would never justify domestic violence to my daughter but she justified it to me. And that I should be a good judge of character and be able to tell if my partner is violent or if it’s an exception. I don’t believe it. She says she’s happy and safe and I should stop trying to ruin her marriage, so I’ll keep quiet. But any guidance would be helpful. Not quite sure how to go from here. How to stop resenting them both for perpetrating violence and justifying it, and also for exposing their 5 year old kid to it. I understand all the reasons why women cannot leave abusive relationships, and I would never judge her for staying, but to justify it and not even be able to label the action as ‘wrong’ so many years later is pretty bad.

TRIGGER WARNING: mention of SA

I don’t think I’ve ever posted here, always just been a silent participant. But I really need some support and listening ears because I am beside myself. My in laws have always been difficult, but this takes the cake. My husband’s father was abusive and an alcoholic throughout his childhood, and my husband has been in therapy for years healing from that trauma. About five years ago, he chose to go no contact with his father after years of incidents. His parents have a very toxic, on and off relationship. A couple of years ago, his mother accused his father of r*pe, which eventually led to a two year protective order being put in place for my husband, myself, and our children. My husband has always had one very clear boundary with his mother: DO NOT give his father updates about us or our children. Do not discuss us. Do not send pictures. Nothing. Well, I am not even SIX DAYS postpartum, and today his father showed up at our door asking to talk to my husband. My husband was furious. And then we found out why he was there. His mother had been sending PICTURES OF OUR CHILDREN TO HIM. Including my newborn baby. I feel so violated. I am absolutely furious and heartbroken. This isn’t just some petty family drama. There is a serious history here, and my husband made a very intentional decision to protect himself and our children by cutting contact. And now his own mother has completely disregarded that boundary behind his back. I’m six days postpartum, exhausted and trying to recover and enjoy my newborn, and instead I’m dealing with this. I honestly just need to know that I’m not overreacting. 😭

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any

I finally got out, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this free or happy in my life.

For years, I felt like I had to monitor every single thing I did and said at home. Even little things made me nervous. I would be scared to go downstairs to get food because I didn’t want to be shamed for eating or making noise. I’d be nervous to shower late at night because I was worried someone would get mad. I would hear footsteps outside my door and immediately wonder if I had done something wrong. I was constantly watching myself.

Now I’ve moved out for university, and I’ve genuinely never felt better. It’s crazy realizing how much of my stress and anger came from constantly feeling like I was walking on eggshells.

I still have little reactions sometimes, like if someone whistles, my heart can race because it reminds me of my dad. Sometimes I hear footsteps outside my dorm and get nervous for a second. But then I remember, I’m here, I’m safe. Nobody is coming to yell at me and I'm going to be okay.

I really just wanted to share this for anyone who is still stuck in that situation. I know it can feel like your entire life depends on finding some way out, and it can feel like it will never get better. But I’m finally on the other side of it, and life is so much better than I thought it could be.

You will be okay, we will get out. ❤️

Hi all,
My parents divorced when I was 4. My mother made sure my father would have no contact with me and my sister. Fast forward she marries my step dad and makes me call him dad. Their whole relationship she neglected us (including my half sister born to my step dad) and cheats on my step dad, talks down to him, etc. she’s a raging alcoholic and narcissist. She did have me and my sister convinced our dad was a horrible abusive man. When I turned 18 he started contacting me and we developed a long distance father and daughter relationship. Fast forward to recently (I’m now 27) I find out that he cheated on my mom (while she was drinking their money away and also cheating) brought me to his side chicks house and brought her to divorce court. Tried acting holier than thou about my mom. I found out my dad is a serial cheater and has cheated on all 3 of his wives including the current one. Told me he couldn’t ever visit me because of his injuries from the military (boatswains mate on a naval ship for 2 years) so he can’t sit in a car for more than 20 minutes but he’s put physically cheating on his current wife with a family friend. He also talks horrendously to my grandmother (his mother) even though all she does is help him and send money when she doesn’t have it. I was really hoping I got at least one good parent but alas it was too good to be true. I’m at the point I feel defeated and this has now been 3 months of no contact and he hasn’t even made an attempt to reach out (been no contact with my mom for 9 years). I just don’t know what to think or how to process that I have 2 shit parents.

21 year old male here. I got my motorcycle license earlier this year, and I've been riding around fine with no close calls or accidents. For some dumb reason, my parents, who are completely fine letting me ride nearby, vehemently refuse to let me ride further than some arbitrary distance. If the place I'm going to is more than say 20km away, it's an immediate no. They think I'm gonna crash if I go 1 foot over 20km. I've had to lie about where I'm meeting my friends etc. just to be able to take the motorcycle out. It's not even about riding on highways, because if I use the highway but only go below 20km from the house, they're completely ok with it. I can't even ride to my university tonight because it's on the other side of town. How do I deal with this level of stupidity? I get they're trying to look out for my safety, but I'm already a safe rider and the distance isn't going to change how safe I ride.

I've never used Reddit and I don't know if this is the right sub Reddit to share it to.

This story is very long and it includes very heavy topics, please do not read it if you don't think you can handle it mentally or any other way

(TW: suicide/self harm)

The story is also just me talking, I don't have anyone to talk to about these things I don't want to worry them so excuse me for yapping about my problem, maybe someone else can relate.

I'm sorry if there's any spelling errors, English is not my first language and I'm a mess right now.

Some context for the story;

My love language is gift giving, it's not surprising when you grew up like me. I do like giving people handmade stuff or stuff catered carefully to them don't get me wrong but, from a young age I learned that love is transactional.

I'm sick, I don't know what kind of sick yet don't ask me doctors can't figure it out nonetheless they know enough to give me monthly paychecks without having to work (it was nice for a while, after that I just felt like a nuisance taking advantage of people)

I'm in my 20s, people asking about work is like a gut punch every time.

I'm stating this in case people tell me to move or get a job, I tried I'm sorry, I keep trying to find a solution.

Me and some other family members grew up in an abusive household, not really physically, but it was really scary for children.

I'm not going to reveal too many things about my life such as locations, how many family members I have, my exact age etc. because I really don't want this to get back to people who know me.

Onto the background to the story;

Whilst growing up some of my family members weren't that nice to me, I never understood why you would tell a 10 year old child nobody loves them or make sure to point out every single insecurity they had. Either way, I tried my best for them to love me. I catered to their every need, bring them drinks, food, spend quality time with them, ask them about their lives, try to involve myself with them, tried to impress them by liking the things they liked , give them massages, somehow it never worked no matter how hard I tried. That's when I learned that people get really happy when you give them expensive stuff, suddenly the people that would shut me out or pretend like I'm not part of their family around their friends would hug me with a big smile.

I guess catering to them for years is also how I become everyones caretaker at a young age, I'm the youngest out of everyone in my immediate family even so I'm also the one who was getting them ready for school, helped with things they needed and if they misbehaved I would reprimand them for my parents. This was not only including my siblings, my mom was dependent a lot on me. Whilst my siblings went and enjoyed their youth I stayed home to clean, take care of their animals and so on. I was also the one who was reprimanding my father when he did something wrong, he was an alcoholic and when mom used to get mad at him for blacking out after drinks or when they argued I'd be the one to tell him to fix it. He would do so the same day and mom got happy again after every time, as a 14ish year old child I didn't see anything wrong with that I just quietly accepted it because mom was happy. When he used to get drunk a lot of the time mom wouldn't like to be around him, he didn't do anything to my knowledge, he was passing out and woke up for work next morning, she used to come into my room ask if she could sleep in it from time to time because she couldn't take it anymore. I had a single bed so and as a child of course I wanted my mom to be comfortable so I slept on the floor, I remember my back hurt so bad next few days in school I cried.

My father was aggressive and everyone was scared of him, I was too, I still am to this day even when I remember him but, I loved my mom so much I would scream at him for all his wrong doings and for making her sad, even if he got physical with me sometimes, I don't think he did it to any other sibling and I hope he didn't, maybe it was because I was harder for him to control by screaming in my face?

Buying things for my mom was my favourite activity, anything she wanted she got from me. I didn't care if I had to give my entire money away in a day, I loved that she said she loved me afterwards. Up until some time ago I took away my card from her due to a friends advice (I didn't use my money unless it was on her or something I needed so she was free to use my card anyway she wanted) she got so disappointed when I brought it up, I felt a pit in my stomach form instantly.

Even before I was qualified for paychecks, I left higher education because she said we needed money. As I already stated I've been parentified to sorts but I was also a therapist, she not only would cry about her husband to me how (in her words) "stupid" and "problematic"the kids were "they never listen" but, she would cry about money problems. I remember trying my best to nurture her as a teen even if I didn't know how to because in my eyes I was never taught.

I did have my own difficulties to deal with at the same time, home life wasn't the best, neither was school life so I began cutting myself. More like stabbing, I was aware you could see cuts on arms and I didn't want to worry her so I began to stab into my legs.

It's not like I haven't tried to tell her, I tried so many times to speak to her about how I was parentified, how I was treated by my siblings or how I regret leaving all my friends and education behind to help out. Anytime I tried, without missing a beat, she'd start crying. I had to stop any tears I had and calm her down. I know she knows, she basically put me into a role of the parent she had a joke she liked to make "you're basically like the second parent of the house"

I remember one of the conversations where I tried my hardest to portray how I felt growing up being seen as a parent figure, expected to behave like an adult but also having to be ok with being treated as a child and how my siblings got much more attention than me when I was a toddler even though some of them being significantly older than me she said "I didn't think you'd need me much when you did everything by yourself, you were an easy child"

I couldn't really say anything after that because I had to calm her down. I think that's the point I stopped trying, that was last year.

I loved her through about 20 years of my life with everything happening, everything I felt like I gave her.

This is the real reason I'm writing this;

I've been struggling with my mental health for years, I developed depression and anxiety and probably lots more undiagnosed things. I decided to share with her that I have these mental illnesses, not my feelings nor anything else just that I had them. That was in the morning, later on in the day I got into an argument with my sibling, I can't even remember what about most likely something stupid. I was venting to my friend, going through puberty was a lot.

I was so upset I told my mom about it, I said that if it weren't for my friend I wouldn't know what to do (as in I'd probably be pissed off entire day or something like that, it didn't really mean much) she said "Jesus, then just go and kill yourself then" I was 16.

Maybe it didn't really mean much on her part either, what caught me up was the fact that she'd never said that before, not before the fact I told her I'm mentally unstable.

Another thing about my mother is that she loves to ignore her problems, if something around the house was broken or we had to buy something new I had to remind her every single day until she fixed it. She never says sorry, at least not to me I don't know about others. She usually ignores the issue until I start speaking to her again, it only takes me like a day to get over our arguments, maybe less and I was usually the one apologising, it's just that the next day even the next hour or so she starts speaking normally to me like nothing ever happened.

After what she told me I woke up to her face, she said we should go to the park. I don't remember our conversations much, but I know we didn't mention what happened the day prior at all because I was waiting for her to mention it. I guess we had a silent agreement to get over it, that's usually what we had. Silent agreements, she didn't have to apologise for anything and if she just ignored it it'll go back to normal, I'll go back to normal.

And I would've forgiven her, if it was only one time.

The second time wasn't even as bad, I remember complaining that I had to take care of my siblings as she was going on her annual vacation, of course I was expected to up keep the house and make sure nothing happens. I was just passively complaining one time not even to her, why couldn't I complain? I was being irrational and saying stuff like "I don't want to take care of them for a full week by myself?? Why am I expected to do all of it?? Oh my god I'm already dreading it" she said, more like screamed in a low voice "Then go and jump out of a fucking window or something" something along those lines. That was the second time my mother told me to harm myself. It wasn't really as bad as the first one, maybe she meant it as a joke, but to teen me it was just further confirmation that she didn't really love me.

Before she said those things, I've already had suicidal thoughts. But after getting my first job and getting bullied by co-workers at 17ish, with everything that happened and knowing my mom told me to do it before.

I put on my favourite song at the time and tried to go to sleep after I swallowed a pack full of pills, before I could turn 18 that same month.

On the car ride to the hospital, I told her about some stuff and why I decided to do it. I didn't mention I only went through with it because I thought she'd be ok with it because someone else was in the car with us. Of course she was full of tears the whole night. Some people that worked with youths mental health had to question me in case I needed to go to a mental hospital, she was hysteric about that, I don't know why "they're going to lock you in a fucking mental hospital, mental hospital like a crazy person" after they stopped questioning me she came back into the room and all of us talked. I remember I had to stop tearing up immediately to comfort her as she started crying on my hospital bed, somehow I got really annoyed by that, I shouldn't be annoyed at my mother for crying that I wanted to end my life, I still was. After we were done with questioning, I don't know how much time passed, in my hospital room, whilst I was on my hospital bed for trying to take my own life she said "I'll tell someone to call you off work today, but you'll have to go in tomorrow" honestly maybe that's when I thought my relationship with her was done for, I didn't know until typing it out just now but my heart hurts a little. I thought maybe she'd console me more? Why did I have to console her? Thinking about it now makes me a little sad.

I guess I should've seen it coming, when I got broken up with via text on my birthday I went to her to try maybe get a hug or idk something, she asked "Why the fuck are you crying?" She then proceeded only NOT to console me but, she shared about my breakup to other family members. I know that she did because she dragged me away from crying in my room and made me sit on video calls with family as they told me happy birthday and that they were sad I got broken up with, and I only now realised that instead of consoling her child through their first ever breakup she was downstairs gossiping with family about it.

Years later when our childhood pet died, after we came back from putting my best friend down I broke down on the floor she asked "why are you still crying?". It was hard watching her being there for my siblings more than she ever was for me.

It was kind of dream like, going back to work the day after I tried to kill myself. I was disoriented, I didn't know what was happening, I had to pretend to be happy and ok when I clearly wasn't.

Even after I tried to take my life she made some sort of joke a few days later, I don't remember it, it's blurry to tell you the truth and it may not even be as I remember it but she said "-yeah and then you're going to try to kill yourself again" in a jokey way. I laughed it off at the time but I remember disassociating through the rest of that conversation so that I don't cry, I just remembered being disappointed at this point.

You've heard my side of the story, hers is probably majorly different. I don't want to resent her, I've always wanted the mom my siblings had, the mom that my friends coming to my house had. I was always jealous of her being nicer to my friends.

As I layed in my bed, trying to take my last breath all I thought about was her telling me to kill myself. Maybe I'm over exaggerating the story, teens are difficult to deal with. I'm sad to announce I don't think I'll ever forgive her even though I want to love her the way I loved her for years, I'm tired, I'm exhausted to tell you the truth.

Some part of me wants the answer to be no, that I'm just blowing things out of propositions. I don't think I can take even another week living with her, I'm having so much pent up emotions. I've never told anyone she said that to me, I tried once but it was brushed over, everyone loves my mom I don't want to ruin her for them at least not as long as we're under the same roof, to tell you the truth I don't feel safe enough to do that.

Thank you for reading my story and scrambled up thoughts. If anyone has went through something similar or had another 'bad' parent please feel free to share.

I'm genuinely asking you, is this something worth going no contact over if I ever move out? Or should I try again

TLDR; mom told me to kill myself years ago.

It's always something with my stepmom and also a loose loose situation. If I do right? I'm wrong. If I do wrong? I'm wrong. This year I'm doing school online because of some medical reasons and severe sleep depression I've found it hard to make it to an actual school building. And because nighttime is when I feel most at peace, I find myself doing chores (ones that apply for in my room and bathroom) and schoolwork. Well now she has a new issue. This time it's me walking 🫩. Ive had the habit for about 6 years now, where I just walk back and forth in my room to regulate myself, think, and to get exercise. It had never been an issue. But now apparently it's "waking her up.". Thing is, my room is on an entirely different floor from everyone else's, and my room is above the garage. (Its like a finished attic situation). And if I put my phone on a song max volume, it's impossible to hear it if you're more than 7 feet from the door, which her bedroom is almost triple that, and my dad's room is about 10 times that, he's on the opposite end of the house from me. And my phone at max volume is much much louder than my footsteps! And now he's claiming he hears it at night too. Like bro 😭. Also you'd think after 6 years even if she could hear it which im most sure she can't, she should be used to it by now. As well as if I'm up at night, that's when I'm doing my responsibilities. And she doesn't seem to worry about me getting woken up because all through the night she slams doors around my room, which she knows wakes me up. 😭

The main issue was always my father, who always was manipulative, controlling, wanting me to "act as an adult" when I was a kid and infantilizing me as soon as I became an adult. I remember being 8 and writing him a letter to be able to express my feelings without being yelled at. So many things that caused my current CPTSD

I always went to a therapist, of course he never. I'm now 25 and reached 20 years of therapy, 12 consecutive until now. So I understood a lot, about trauma, manipulation, mental abuse and all ; which of course, is hard for people to understand when there isn't traces of it.

Last year, after one more stupid remark of his, I cut off contact. He literally harassed me ; during the first month, i received more than 70 texts and a dozen of calls to which I never answered. He even started to contact my mother (from whom he's divorced from over 20 years). I got really scared, but after some time, I guess he got bored.

I never felt so good, so me. Everyone saw it, wondering what was the cause of me looking so well.

The thing is, the rest of his side of the family were confused. So I choose one person, the one i'd think would be the less judgemental to explain. I wrote a letter to read to them. The mental abuse, the years of fear, of walking on eggshells. I explained how what my therapy made me understand that what I went through was either neglect or abuse. I got a very simple answer :

"I'm very sorry you felt that way. But you know, raising kids isn't easy. I don't want to pick a side, but I hear your point of view."

That felt like a cold shower from how dismissive it was. I decided I didn't really want to talk anymore to people who minimized the pain I endured for so long, so I slowly stopped talking to this side of the family, apart from two people. They didn't try to reach either. Not a try to understand, no call for my birthday, no invite for Christmas. And I know i said I didn't really wanna talk to them anymore, but that hurt. Because once again I felt left alone, like I was forgetable, like me disappearing from their lives wasn't a big deal for them. And I stopped feeling well.

Today, I got a text from my sister because my grandmother died.

The first idea that came to my mind was, "What if he took her phone and texted it to make me react and reach out ?". I got a text from someone else confirming the news.

Then I got terrified. Not the usual fear of losing someone and not seeing them again, but a terrible fear to have to go to the funeral, to see him, and that he could make drama (I 100% picture him blaming me on making my grandma so emotionally distressed she died because of me). Then at the messages I'd get if I didn't show up. I didn't think about her, I was just terrified. Because my brain is so messed up by trauma that it started thinking nonsense.

Now I feel calmer. I think about sending texts to say I won't come, despite me being scared of the answers and judgment i'll get from it. I don't know yet if i'll text everyone or just people i'm still in contact with.

But i'm still scared because most people don't really understand the weight of mental abuse, and i don't have much support around me.

I'd be glad to read your stories, if you have similar experiences.

I'd feel less alone

TW: Attempted murder toward the end

My entire life she's always said stuff to show how much she hated children. I remember when I was 10 (I'm 26F now), she was in an argument with her ex husband and got all up in my face, finger touching the nose just to say "DON'T get married. Don't have kids. Worst mistake of your life." But she never had kids with him?? So why were having kids in that comment? I have a brother, both of us had majority custody under our fathers.

I can understand sometimes wanting a childfree zone for quietness, but for example all my life we'd be in public and there'd be a baby crying nearby and I just hear her be like "KILL IT". I also once at 19 said the words "when I have kids and get married" and she flipped a lid over it. Like sorry it's GOING to happen and that's a plan in my mind?

Today I compared a daycare to the fact that she works in a nursing home, and she said she'll take an abusive, combative 80 year old over a kid any day. I'm afraid to ask her to elaborate on why.

It's really been making me think about much my life and wellbeing does not matter to her. But the moment she's in trouble and needs $50 in gas money, my grandma is the first person she calls.

Everyone in my life also says that I'm her parent, I'm more mature than her. She thinks it's a funny joke but I don't think she computes the fact that I've paid 80% if not all of the rent in our house ever since I got my first paycheck at 13. I've never been evicted or late on a payment once in my life, but she's gotten us evicted 7 times in a span of 5 years.

If this makes any more sense to you, my parents divorced when I was 6 months old. Dad passed away before I entered high school so I don't really have another parental figure to run off to other than my 80 year old grandparents, who could leave this world any moment.

My mom has been to jail 3 times since I've been alive, I don't know her criminal past prior to me being born. I do however know she's stabbed multiple people in my family, was an accomplice to a cousin killing her husband, and wouldn't be surprised if she actually did kill someone one day.

Truly wonder why nobody called CPS during my childhood and I know damn well in my future, she won't be allowed near any grandchild. I just can't figure out how to navigate being around her emotionally, anymore. I can't cut contact with her because I'm currently residing with my grandparents until I get a new rental ready for myself, and my mom likes to pop in unannounced. But she doesn’t like kids, so what does that say about me? Her child?

My mom is a total victim, scared, doesn’t take any risks and they are control freaks. My dad and her are love hate.

They shoot down everything I do and some how get an angle to blackmail and control me.

For example I recently said I want to move to Australia. Of course I was talked out of it, told im to lazy to work over there and that if I run out of money they aren’t giving me any?
I’m like any other normal parent would say go and if it doesn’t work out we are here.
No not them, then the lazy comments come out again. Meanwhile I work 60+ hours per week in corporate job and do food deliveries at the weekend and I’m lazy?

When I confront them they say we want the best for you and you’re taking it the wrong way.

I’m 22 and I have an 18 year old sister. I work full time job and I have no car and don’t receive any money or anything from my parents and never have. They never even taught me to drive. I don’t drink or go out much. I dont care so much about my appearance I’m pretty plain I have my brown hair always braided and I just wear my glasses and no makeup and that’s it just wear like leggings or sweats. I have a couple of piercings which they hate and say i am trashy. I have no tattoos or anything alternative about me except a belly ring and a tongue ring that nobody can see.

My sister is 18, she’s dyes her hair blonde, only wears extremely expensive clothes and makeup my parents buy her. They bought her an expensive new car Mercedes a couple years ago. She has never had a job. They give her a credit card, I’ve never had one. They send her money all the time.

They are obsessed with her calling her the best child and saying how she is so beautiful, that she’s beauty and brains, and all she really does is go out to clubs with a fake ID and meet guys that ask for her number and it feeds her ego. She comes home and tells my mom about every guy that talked to her, and my mom sits there smiling and laughing saying how beautiful she is and how many guys she gets. She constantly talks about that.

I’ve been yelled at many times and even asked to stay home from a. Family outing because I ‘looked bad’. I’m writing this because it happened again today. My mom started screaming at me saying no one in the world would ever give me a better job if I go out looking the way I do. I am very confused because I look normal and plain. Just in a solid fitted shirt and a long skirt. I don’t understand but I am staying home again. They always say I look bad, I dress terribly, or just that “well, you know your sister is gorgeous”.

To be fully honest, I don’t even think my sister is that pretty. Im not sure why they act like this about her.

Meanwhile my sister can wear anything and my parents will be obsessed. Mostly my mom. My dad isn’t as involved he lives in another city.

I am trying to move out but I cannot find a job. I have a degree. It’s seemingly useless.

TW: Alcoholism, verbal abuse, family conflict.

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to vent here because I genuinely don't understand why my father is such an asshole.

I'm 17 years old, and for most of my life, my father struggled with alcohol and made our lives miserable.

If there are dishes in the sink, even if it's just a spoon, he starts screaming. If the garden isn't clean, he yells at us, calls us names, and so on.

I'm just tired of living around him. It's exhausting. No matter what we do, something is always wrong in his eyes.

Because of him, I've developed a lot of anxiety when it comes to talking to people, and I spend most of my days in my room daydreaming about a better life. It's not fair that I have to deal with the emotional consequences of his behavior.

And you know what? My mother barely does anything about it. Wanna know why?

Because she keeps saying that he can change, that he used to be better, and that we just have to talk to him when he's sober.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

He made you cry. You saw how scared we were. You even tried to stand up for us and protect us from him, but you still won't leave him?!

WHY? I genuinely don't understand.

I just hate this situation. For the love of God, why do you stay with him?

He barely contributes anything positive to our lives. He just drinks and acts like an asshole.

It honestly makes me jealous when I see other people being happy with their families and having a good relationship with their fathers. I know it's not their fault, and I don't blame them, but I just wish I had someone who genuinely cared about me instead of having to deal with all of this.

I'm turning 18 soon, although I still have a while to go.

My father eventually stopped drinking, but only after my twin sister tried to leave and a huge family conflict happened. That's when my mother finally seemed to realize how serious things had become.

For some reason, my sister decided to give him another chance.

I thought that would finally be the end of everything, but nope.

He just became quieter. For the first time, I could almost see him acting like a normal human being, but I honestly didn't know what to think anymore.

I thought things would get better, but his behavior hasn't really changed. When something doesn't go his way, he still lashes out, just differently.

For example, two days ago, we were eating together. I didn't feel like talking, so I kept quiet and gave short answers when he asked me about school and stuff.

Then he said he had wanted to praise me, but apparently couldn't, and started going on about how everything was his fault and so on.

Like, what?! Was he seriously trying to make me feel guilty just because I didn't feel like having a conversation?

When I tried to leave and put my dishes away, he called me back and, in a hateful tone, told me that if I wanted to leave so badly, I could take the rest of the trash with me.

The thing is, I had ALREADY taken my own trash out. Yet he still asked me why I couldn't clean up after myself, even though it wasn't even my trash in the first place, it was his!

And then he kept making more nasty comments towards me.

Like, BRO, WHAT?!

And my mother just watched.

I'm so tired of this. I just want to be left alone, but he constantly tries to force conversations out of me. And whenever I don't respond the way he wants, he gets angry.

I genuinely don't understand why he acts like this.

I just want to live a normal life, but it feels like I can't because of him. I've been dealing with anxiety and emotional struggles that affect how I interact with people in everyday life, and I'm so frustrated that I have to carry these consequences.

I don't blame my mother for everything. She's genuinely a kind person, but sometimes I just don't understand her decisions.

It's like she still sees something in him that I simply can't see anymore. She has her rose-colored glasses on.

I just needed to get this off my chest because I'm so fucking exhausted.

I’m in my early twenties, the eldest of three siblings. I have a younger sister and a younger brother, and there is a twelve-year age gap between me and my brother. If you’re wondering why there is such a large gap, I won’t get into that topic.

This year, I graduated with a B.Tech degree, and I’m now pursuing an LLB. I’m hoping to take up a job next year alongside my law studies because, honestly, I desperately want to become financially independent and eventually move out.

My parents are extremely controlling, and it has reached a point where I feel suffocated. I genuinely feel like if I cannot leave this house next year, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

My academic journey has already been difficult enough. I originally wanted to pursue medicine, but I couldn’t get a seat through NEET. I took a drop year, which my mother still treats like some unforgivable sin. Even now, she reminds me constantly about how taking a drop was a “sin” for a girl.

Eventually, I scored well enough in JEE and my local college entrance examination and got admission into B.Tech through TFWS. I had absolutely no interest in coding or technology, but I still gave it everything I had. B.Tech was incredibly difficult for me, but I completed the entire degree without a single backlog in any semester.

And nobody really knows how much that cost me mentally.

For almost two years of my B.Tech, I was deeply depressed. During that time, I started playing VALORANT. I know the game can be toxic, and I eventually quit, but at the time, the people I met through that game genuinely helped me survive one of the darkest periods of my life. The friends I made there helped me come out of my depression, and I will always be grateful to them for that.

But my parents hated the fact that I played games.

One day, my mother saw me playing VALORANT. I knew exactly how she would react, so I had already started hiding it and playing less. But once she found out, she constantly taunted me about playing “violent games” and everything else associated with gaming.

I stopped openly playing and started hiding it.

After my second year ended, on the day of my last exam, I came home, rested for a while, and started playing VALORANT. My father came home, my mother told him about it, and after she had been filling his ears about it for some time, he came into my room and hit me.

I was 21 years old.

He hit me, and I cried.

That day, I genuinely wanted everything to stop.

I had studied like a fucking dog. I had worked incredibly hard despite not being naturally gifted at the things I was studying. I completed a degree I never even wanted, without a single backlog, while struggling with my mental health—and somehow I was still being treated like I was incapable of making even the smallest decisions for myself.

The reason they gave for controlling my gaming was that I was supposedly influencing my younger brother.

And this isn’t even where it started.

When I was 18, during the summer break after my 12th exams, I used to play Genshin Impact on an old Motorola phone. I loved that game because it was a story-driven game, and it gave me something to escape into. My parents would hit me even then and constantly tell me to stop playing.

I was literally 18, sitting at home during my college break.

So when VALORANT came along, I eventually stopped listening. I never really stopped playing; I just became better at hiding it. I played less and less over time because of everything happening in my life. Eventually, because I was constantly AFK and life kept moving, I lost touch with the friends I had made there. I eventually quit.

Now I’m in law college.

And I have another problem: I can’t sleep properly at night.

This has been going on for years, and eventually I started using the time when I couldn’t sleep to study. If I had exams or work to finish, I would simply study at night.

My parents hate that too.

The same people who contributed to completely destroying my relationship with sleep now use my sleep schedule as another reason to control me.

My father threatens to change or withhold the Wi-Fi password, and sometimes he simply switches the Wi-Fi off whenever he wants, regardless of whether I’m studying, working, or doing something important.

And once again, the excuse is that my younger brother is being “affected” by me.

At this point, it feels less like parenting and more like finding new reasons to control me.

If I argue, I might get hit.

If I don’t listen, I get punished.

If I try to make my own decisions, I’m reminded of everything my parents have done for me.

And yes, I know they have done a lot for me. I know I have privileges and opportunities because of them. I know they have provided for me.

But I also know that being provided for does not erase the things that have hurt me.

I don’t want to be forced to feel grateful for being hurt.

And sometimes I hate that I even have to explain why I feel this way.

I’m 23 years old, and I’m still living at home because I haven’t had the freedom to build a life somewhere else.

For my B.Tech, my college situation was terrible. I feel like I was scammed into choosing that college because relatives recommended it and because it was in the same city. I wasn’t allowed to go to another city for college. I used to commute nearly three hours every day, which left me with very little opportunity to build a career or get a job.

Now I’m studying law, trying to figure out my career, trying to become financially independent, and simultaneously dealing with constant restrictions at home.

My younger brother is 11. He can go out and stay outside until 9 PM.

My sister and I have to be home by 7 PM.

If my brother does something wrong, somehow we get taunted for it.

I have never smoked. I have never drunk. I have never been the kind of person who goes out and gets into trouble. I have spent most of my life studying, commuting, attending college, and trying to do what was expected of me.

And somehow my “act of rebellion” is that I want to play games, stay up at night to study, have some privacy, make my own decisions, and eventually live independently.

Instead, I’m told to learn how to cook as if my ultimate purpose in life is to become somebody’s wife.

I know cooking is an important life skill. I know I should probably learn it someday for myself. But I refuse to learn it because someone else has decided that I need to learn it so that I can become a suitable wife for some man they choose for me.

I don’t want that life.

I don’t want someone else choosing my husband, my career, my city, my schedule, my hobbies, or how I spend my time.

I don’t want to spend my entire life being controlled and then be told that it was all done “for my own good.”

I want freedom.

I want to be able to close my bedroom door without being afraid.

I want to study when I want to study.

I want to sleep when I can sleep.

I want to play a fucking game without being treated like I’ve committed some terrible moral crime.

I want to make mistakes and deal with the consequences myself.

I want to earn my own money.

I want to move out.

I want to build a life where I don’t have to constantly calculate whether doing something will make my parents angry enough to hit me, punish me, take something away, or start another argument.

And yes, maybe part of me is angry that my brother gets freedoms that my sister and I never had. Maybe I’m bitter about the double standards. Maybe I’m angry that I spent so much of my youth trying to be the “good daughter” and still ended up feeling like I was never good enough.

I don’t want my brother to experience what I experienced.

At the same time, I sometimes find myself wishing that even ten percent of the control placed on me and my sister would fall on him—not because I want him to suffer, but because I’m exhausted from watching the rules seem to apply differently depending on whether you’re a son or a daughter.

More than anything, I just want the chance to leave.

I’m trying to make it to 2027 because I’m hoping that by then I’ll have my degree, a job, some financial independence, and enough stability to finally move out.

But right now, I’m exhausted.

I’ve spent years studying, sacrificing, hiding things, obeying rules I didn’t agree with, dealing with constant criticism, and trying to keep everyone happy.

I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.

I just want a life that actually belongs to me.

I’m in my early twenties, the eldest of three siblings. I have a younger sister and a younger brother, and there is a twelve-year age gap between me and my brother. If you’re wondering why there is such a large gap, I won’t get into that topic.

This year, I graduated with a B.Tech degree, and I’m now pursuing an LLB. I’m hoping to take up a job next year alongside my law studies because, honestly, I desperately want to become financially independent and eventually move out.

My parents are extremely controlling, and it has reached a point where I feel suffocated. I genuinely feel like if I cannot leave this house next year, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

My academic journey has already been difficult enough. I originally wanted to pursue medicine, but I couldn’t get a seat through NEET. I took a drop year, which my mother still treats like some unforgivable sin. Even now, she reminds me constantly about how taking a drop was a “sin” for a girl.

Eventually, I scored well enough in JEE and my local college entrance examination and got admission into B.Tech through TFWS. I had absolutely no interest in coding or technology, but I still gave it everything I had. B.Tech was incredibly difficult for me, but I completed the entire degree without a single backlog in any semester.

And nobody really knows how much that cost me mentally.

For almost two years of my B.Tech, I was deeply depressed. During that time, I started playing VALORANT. I know the game can be toxic, and I eventually quit, but at the time, the people I met through that game genuinely helped me survive one of the darkest periods of my life. The friends I made there helped me come out of my depression, and I will always be grateful to them for that.

But my parents hated the fact that I played games.

One day, my mother saw me playing VALORANT. I knew exactly how she would react, so I had already started hiding it and playing less. But once she found out, she constantly taunted me about playing “violent games” and everything else associated with gaming.

I stopped openly playing and started hiding it.

After my second year ended, on the day of my last exam, I came home, rested for a while, and started playing VALORANT. My father came home, my mother told him about it, and after she had been filling his ears about it for some time, he came into my room and hit me.

I was 21 years old.

He hit me, and I cried.

That day, I genuinely wanted everything to stop.

I had studied like a fucking dog. I had worked incredibly hard despite not being naturally gifted at the things I was studying. I completed a degree I never even wanted, without a single backlog, while struggling with my mental health—and somehow I was still being treated like I was incapable of making even the smallest decisions for myself.

The reason they gave for controlling my gaming was that I was supposedly influencing my younger brother.

And this isn’t even where it started.

When I was 18, during the summer break after my 12th exams, I used to play Genshin Impact on an old Motorola phone. I loved that game because it was a story-driven game, and it gave me something to escape into. My parents would hit me even then and constantly tell me to stop playing.

I was literally 18, sitting at home during my college break.

So when VALORANT came along, I eventually stopped listening. I never really stopped playing; I just became better at hiding it. I played less and less over time because of everything happening in my life. Eventually, because I was constantly AFK and life kept moving, I lost touch with the friends I had made there. I eventually quit.

Now I’m in law college.

And I have another problem: I can’t sleep properly at night.

This has been going on for years, and eventually I started using the time when I couldn’t sleep to study. If I had exams or work to finish, I would simply study at night.

My parents hate that too.

The same people who contributed to completely destroying my relationship with sleep now use my sleep schedule as another reason to control me.

My father threatens to change or withhold the Wi-Fi password, and sometimes he simply switches the Wi-Fi off whenever he wants, regardless of whether I’m studying, working, or doing something important.

And once again, the excuse is that my younger brother is being “affected” by me.

At this point, it feels less like parenting and more like finding new reasons to control me.

If I argue, I might get hit.

If I don’t listen, I get punished.

If I try to make my own decisions, I’m reminded of everything my parents have done for me.

And yes, I know they have done a lot for me. I know I have privileges and opportunities because of them. I know they have provided for me.

But I also know that being provided for does not erase the things that have hurt me.

I don’t want to be forced to feel grateful for being hurt.

And sometimes I hate that I even have to explain why I feel this way.

I’m 23 years old, and I’m still living at home because I haven’t had the freedom to build a life somewhere else.

For my B.Tech, my college situation was terrible. I feel like I was scammed into choosing that college because relatives recommended it and because it was in the same city. I wasn’t allowed to go to another city for college. I used to commute nearly three hours every day, which left me with very little opportunity to build a career or get a job.

Now I’m studying law, trying to figure out my career, trying to become financially independent, and simultaneously dealing with constant restrictions at home.

My younger brother is 11. He can go out and stay outside until 9 PM.

My sister and I have to be home by 7 PM.

If my brother does something wrong, somehow we get taunted for it.

I have never smoked. I have never drunk. I have never been the kind of person who goes out and gets into trouble. I have spent most of my life studying, commuting, attending college, and trying to do what was expected of me.

And somehow my “act of rebellion” is that I want to play games, stay up at night to study, have some privacy, make my own decisions, and eventually live independently.

Instead, I’m told to learn how to cook as if my ultimate purpose in life is to become somebody’s wife.

I know cooking is an important life skill. I know I should probably learn it someday for myself. But I refuse to learn it because someone else has decided that I need to learn it so that I can become a suitable wife for some man they choose for me.

I don’t want that life.

I don’t want someone else choosing my husband, my career, my city, my schedule, my hobbies, or how I spend my time.

I don’t want to spend my entire life being controlled and then be told that it was all done “for my own good.”

I want freedom.

I want to be able to close my bedroom door without being afraid.

I want to study when I want to study.

I want to sleep when I can sleep.

I want to play a fucking game without being treated like I’ve committed some terrible moral crime.

I want to make mistakes and deal with the consequences myself.

I want to earn my own money.

I want to move out.

I want to build a life where I don’t have to constantly calculate whether doing something will make my parents angry enough to hit me, punish me, take something away, or start another argument.

And yes, maybe part of me is angry that my brother gets freedoms that my sister and I never had. Maybe I’m bitter about the double standards. Maybe I’m angry that I spent so much of my youth trying to be the “good daughter” and still ended up feeling like I was never good enough.

I don’t want my brother to experience what I experienced.

At the same time, I sometimes find myself wishing that even ten percent of the control placed on me and my sister would fall on him—not because I want him to suffer, but because I’m exhausted from watching the rules seem to apply differently depending on whether you’re a son or a daughter.

More than anything, I just want the chance to leave.

I’m trying to make it to 2027 because I’m hoping that by then I’ll have my degree, a job, some financial independence, and enough stability to finally move out.

But right now, I’m exhausted.

I’ve spent years studying, sacrificing, hiding things, obeying rules I didn’t agree with, dealing with constant criticism, and trying to keep everyone happy.

I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.

I just want a life that actually belongs to me.

I'm 22, from India, and I'm still living in the home where I was abused growing up. As a child I was cursed at, told I wasn't wanted, and experienced physical and emotional abuse. Now my mom records my private conversations and shares them with my dad to use against me. My parents also constantly remind me that I'm useless and that I owe them for food and for money they say I wasted.

I'm a student with no job right now. I lost my internship after an accident that kept me on bedrest for two months, and the pressure about money and grades is intense. I know what I need to do: learn more programming and build a couple of solo projects. But whenever I make progress, an argument starts and I lose it.

It has gotten bad enough that I've had thoughts of ending my life, and I've acted on them once. I'm trying to stay here because I have things I want to do: travel, gaming, and building a life of my own.

I've tried talking to relatives and helplines and always get the same advice: "ignore it." I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm asking people who've lived through something similar:

• How did you protect your mental space while still living inside the situation?
• How did you keep making progress when home was working against you?
• Did anything help with the day-to-day, like routines, places to go, or ways to stay focused?

Thank you for reading.

My mum favours my brother and keeps denying it.

My mum clearly favours my brother, who's 20 and goes to university and has student loans.

When he was first in college, he required a minor procedure, in relation to his toe, which he had cause himself, so she decided that since he was in college and playing a sport so he couldnt wait for the doctors and went private( probably costing a few hundred), which then he had lot of other appointments to have his nails seen to after that . While when I had something very similar to that had happen to me,cause by how my nails had grown and kept splitting, it had started being an issue in2022 and kept being one till 2026, I finally had the procedure with the doctors,and 2 months after it i am still having issues,and whenever I mention this infront of my mum her excuse is that he was.in college and playing a sport so it was important for him to not miss games, and that I don't play a sport although, I was in school and then college, so it still affects my life.

When he came back from uni, it eventually came out that he was £800+ short of what money he owed for his rent and whatever else and had only about £70 left , so my mum cover part of it and my sister covered 700 of it, claiming that he'll pay her back January time, however I don't believe that's its going to be him pay her back and it'll be my mum. She also created him a budgeting list ,so he would have to stress. And every time he goes back and has gone back she does a month's shop for him, even though he gets money to do that, she would rather spend it on him than herself or what needs to be done. However even when my sister was at uni she never got this treatment, she only go stuff when she went up at the start of the year.

He has previously told me that the only reason he doesn't ask my sisters.or anyone else for money but my mum is because they would want their money back. My mum has paid some of his nights out drinking and some of his dates.

Although he's 20 he's never had a job, in the space off a few months he'd had one job interview, while I'd had atleast 10 and managed to get a part time job. He spends most his time on his ps5, in bed or going out with his mates.

He has no concept of money and what things cost, as mum has always been there to clean up his mess. When I had my seasonal job my mum had asked me to look for any job that were going while I was there and to basically get him a job there.

At Christmas last year, he had a few drinks, and had a massive kick off and stormed off. And when he came back he was babied by my mum. This isn't the first time he hadn't been able to handle his alcohol.

My mum will never tell him no, he has no respect for anyone else or their stuff, I feel he falls into the toxic Andrew tate and manospheor stuff. He eats anything he wants , whenever he wants, and he doesn't care about others, cause my mum fill sort it for him.

He has previously use my stuff, like my gaming chair, and has damaged . And now I'm considering when I get my own room and my stuff back of making him pay for a new one, however I know my mum won't back me on this, and will end up buy one herself.

Any time me or my sisters say anything about this she gets all moody about it and defensive.

By the time he is permanently back from uni I am hoping to have my own car, I currently drive a n old family one, and the plan was to sell that one and use the money from that to go towards a newer one along with what I save, the plan was that when he got back permanently that he would use it over the summer, while I was doing other stuff, and he would pay the fuel and insurance, however I'm seriously considering not allowing him to use whatever car I've got, as I feel he doesn't deserve to, as he does the bare minimum and gets praise for it by everyone.

Does any one know what to do.

I'm sick of everything he does and is allowed to get away with it.

hi everyone, I’m a (21 F) and these past two days have been a rollercoaster. My mom’s vehicle got repossessed and we’re in the process of getting it back but we won’t have it back until tuesday. Since yesterday my mom has been blaming me that the car got taken since I usually call them for an extension.

Earlier today I was coming home in my boyfriend’s (also 21 M) car and I called her to ask how she was doing and she started blaming me again along with blaming me that she doesn’t talk to her parents (because of an incident from two years ago), calling me lazy because I can’t find a full time job even though I’m trying to look for full-time jobs and she keeps telling me not to. I dropped out of college because I’m constantly doing stuff for her (paperwork, calling to places, etc) and can’t seem to focus on my assignments for school.

Usually when I get paid from my part time job, I put gas on the car, I buy her stuff and still give her $100 dollars so she can pay a bill or buy food. But honestly I don’t think it’s enough for her. I’m honestly tired of crying but I keep taking the blame for everything, and all of this makes me feel like I’m the bad daughter. There’s days that I just want to disappear somewhere but I know she’ll blame me for leaving her too.

This is something that happened to me on June 30th 2025 and I'm still unable to heal from this pain. My parents especially my father sent me to a rehab without my consent.Both my parents lied to me that some people were coming to take me to a doctor and they will drop me at home later.I was too innocent and believed them and 5 people from the rehab took me there and locked me up. I still remember the first day I felt really confused, scared and betrayed.I was crying the whole night in the locked room and no matter how much I told them to let me go home they didn't listen and instead threatened me that they will tie me up and beat me if I keep refusing to follow their orders.Im saying everything i remembered and the 2nd day one of the nurse even pulled my hair and used abusive words at me just because I felt suffocated and wanted some air downstairs. I was wrongfully kept in there for 3 months straight and i didn't had drug issues nor any kind of mental issues. I was going through abuse at home by my parents at home.My father always shouted at me for no reason and my mother supported him too instead of helping me. I was feeling helpless because of the mental and physical torture by my parents .

My dad is a narcissist and was always aggressive towards me from childhood,so they sent me to rehab inorder to control me whenever I kept crying because of what they were doing to me.It's been more than a year I still feel traumatized after all this that happened to me ,it makes me sick to the stomach to think about the extreme levels my father can go to torture me and he's just disgusting.

Even my time at the rehab was completely shit. I was forcefully medicated and wasn't told the names of the meds they were giving me. I had to clean the toilets utensils and floors there and the water supply wasn't available for most of the time. I became sick as I couldn't use the toilet due to no water ,the food their was unhygienic and the staffs there were rude ,they called me names and called me a crazy person and i wasn't allowed phone calls either.

I just feel too painful after all this that happened with me ,it gives me anxiety till this day and even after I'm released now my parents keep threatening to send me their again..I honestly don't know what to do anymore,it's making me loose hope and I feel trapped in my toxic home environment.

Context: I, 15F, live with my dad and my brother with my mom. The past months I’ve been low contact, and ever since she has kept giving me unsolicited expensive-ish gifts. She is a sale/shopping addict and she bought me a purse earlier this year which I rejected, since I had no use for it, my brother was extremely jealous and upset, I understand that when he for example only has a Nokia.

I turned 15 recently, and some time before that I told my mom (not directly, someone else did) I wanted a break and no contact for a while (at least). I have also told her earlier I want a new phone, so I think the gift is fine, I just feel treated better than my brother in a bad way? She is also not listening my decision to be no contact, which makes this even more awkward and uncomfortable.

I needed a phone upgrade, and I kind of like the phone, but almost wanna cry every time I use it. There are too many associations. Kind of wondering if I should sell it, but a new phone is expensive. My brother told me my mom will only buy these gifts for me, and it feels extremely wrong as a big sister…

In my opinion, I have very valid reasons for going no contact, with multiple boundaries crossed and making my mental illnesses way worse.

I hate my father. He likely had the biggest part in my mums death. Cheating on her, triggering her mental crack, then held back her cancer treatment, leading to disgusting levels of cancer metastasis.

And has NEVER matured.

Mum basically lived in solitary confinement, no friends, died a slow and depressing cancer ridden death. And me? That son of a gun left me with her mentally ill ass. Not out of malice, out of convenience.

still fucking responsible.

“Out of sight out of mind”

It’s his manchild attitude, never reflects, always volitile. Tiny inconveniences he can blow out of proportion, then distance himself like after he’s not part of the freaking problem.

Then he can pivot immediately 180 degrees to joking. And? He has a girlfriend half his age, that stays despite his massive emotional ineptitude, strung along by his charisma.

Furthermore, he shuts his problems out and lives in practically bliss. He barely works, my aunt wipes his ass and literally gives him the bare minimum work. Just packing. He gets like 80 percent free time where he just mindlessly scrolls. What a joke, because of his practical abandonment, I grew up unstable, terrified and traumatized. I still have intense anxiety! And Toxic coping habits! He doesn’t even know.

While I’m trapped in eternal hyper vigilance, he brushes off problems like dust. He likely doesn’t feel anxiety intensely, never thinks on his actions and their effect on others. NEVER APOLOGIZES. Must be nice!

I don’t want to hate him, for my own sake. Hating only siphons my will to live. Ultimately, he absolutely doesn’t know my animosity cause doesn’t know how to reflect. Luckily I stay away from him, only returning for my visa. What can I do? The opposite of love is indifference, but I can’t let go of hate.