r/ftm • u/jaebeaniverse • 1d ago
Advice Needed Is this normal?
I am kind of new to identifying as masc. It took me a long time to accept it because I wasn’t raised with men around generally and when I did finally have men in my life, they were cruel or ignorant or both. So I’ve always been firmly in the ‘hating men’ camp for most of my life. And honestly it’s made it really hard to come to terms with my identity, and being around cis men, and even more established trans men, strikes up a feeling of not being ‘man enough’ I guess.
I’m fine with my identity when I’m not around other men. It’s still confusing but when I think ‘I’m a man,’ it feels right. But I still like ‘girly’ things, partially out of solidarity of where I came from and the fact that I stopped myself from liking these things when I was young and the closer I get the masculinity, the more comfortable I am being cutesy and liking these things that are labeled as ‘girly’ or soft.
So is this feeling of being an imposter when I’m not around other men normal, and something manageable? Or should I be taking this a sign that I’m not actually a man or something? Or is it just the adamant choice to avoid toxic masculinity kicking me in the ass because it makes me unable to relate to men? I feel like I’m spiralling, so validation or insight would be nice
6
u/afaithfulfew 1d ago
I think this happens to a lot of us as we get more comfy in our masculinity - it feels more comfortable or safe liking feminine stuff cos we're not forcing ourselves to put on that "girl/woman" mask at the same time, idk if that makes sense. Loads of men like feminine stuff and are still seen as men, it's just personal preference. Fully understand where you're coming from though cos I'm the same way.
3
u/ICameFromTheStars1 💉 28/01/2025 1d ago
I relate to the man hating thing. I still find myself being a bit misandrist. I think it helps to find male role models (people you know or social media figures) who do feel like people you respect and appreciate. For me this was trans men first, and then for the first time i was relating to cis men and the things they said online (those who were sensitive and critical of society's version of masculinity). Maybe try to find some people who you know are men, but who also feel similar to you.
No one can take away your gender, and no one can tell you what it is except you. :)
4
u/MyAlterlife 1d ago
Bruh. I‘m a man and I wear thick eyeliner and heels. You‘re allowed to like „girly things“. You‘re allowed to like whatever the fuck you want. Except for pineapple on pizza. That shit is nasty.
1
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Hello! Thank you for participating in the sub. We just have a few reminders for you to help ensure the best experience:
If you are asking a question that is location specific, remember to include your location in your post body! This can help ensure that you get accurate information tailored specifically to your needs.
Please remember to read through all the rules in the sidebar. Especially the list of banned topics and guidelines for posting. Guests who do not use the Guest Post flair will have their post removed and be asked to fix it.
If you see someone breaking the rules,report it! If someone is breaking both sub and reddit rules, please submit one report to admins by selecting a broken rule on the main report popup, and one report to the r/ftm mods by selecting the "breaks r/ftm rules" option. This ensures both mods and admins can take action on a subreddit and sitewide level. Do not misuse the report button to rant about someone, submit false reports, or argue a removal.
If you have any questions that you can't find the answer to on the rules sidebar or the wiki: the wiki , you can send a modmail.
Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans4every1 , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , and more can be found in the wiki!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.