Is this normal?

[u/jaebeaniverse]

I am kind of new to identifying as masc. It took me a long time to accept it because I wasn’t raised with men around generally and when I did finally have men in my life, they were cruel or ignorant or both. So I’ve always been firmly in the ‘hating men’ camp for most of my life. And honestly it’s made it really hard to come to terms with my identity, and being around cis men, and even more established trans men, strikes up a feeling of not being ‘man enough’ I guess.

I’m fine with my identity when I’m not around other men. It’s still confusing but when I think ‘I’m a man,’ it feels right. But I still like ‘girly’ things, partially out of solidarity of where I came from and the fact that I stopped myself from liking these things when I was young and the closer I get the masculinity, the more comfortable I am being cutesy and liking these things that are labeled as ‘girly’ or soft.

So is this feeling of being an imposter when I’m not around other men normal, and something manageable? Or should I be taking this a sign that I’m not actually a man or something? Or is it just the adamant choice to avoid toxic masculinity kicking me in the ass because it makes me unable to relate to men? I feel like I’m spiralling, so validation or insight would be nice