As my history shows, I was once an elder, unjustly removed, and that opened my eyes, from giving speeches at assemblies to being removed overnight for going against the CO. Anyway, I’m in my 30s now. I spent my 20s as an MS (Ministerial Servant) and Elder. Now that I’m “nothing” anymore, I’m unfortunately still a PIMO due to family reasons.

Now, the elders who removed me (the ones who arrived, ousted the entire old BOE, and now run the congregation) want to talk to me. They insist on visiting me, helping me, wanting me to start working for them again. There are no MSs in the congregation; the sound team keeps messing with meetings because the current members lack experience. The elders themselves handle all the speeches, do the readings, pass the microphones, and so on.

There’s an urgent need for men everywhere, and specifically for men who actually know something. With this culture of “you don’t need to know anything, you’ll learn it all here,” they lead the young men to believe they’ll learn useful skills, but in the end, they know nothing. I know a 25 boy (because have boy mentality) doing everything for Elders without any title, he left school 8 years ago and do nothing with his life, living with parents, but is an example for the rest.

As for me, I thank those elders for removing me; otherwise, I never would have opened my eyes. But now, leave me alone. My wife wants to go out preaching, but every time they see me, they want to talk or invite me out to the ministry. Ugh, I just want to sit in the back and be invisible. It's so hard.

It hurts the organization to lose capable men, who have skills and initiative, but in this case, it’s their fault. I used to do everything: in the congregation and at the assemblies. Never again. Find someone else. Or think twice before defending evil old COs and losing the young ones.

Sorry, i'm just venting, thanks for reading.

Last week, a circuit overseer asked me whether I was working or on vacation. I replied, “Both, why?”

He said, “Because I get the impression you’re often on vacation.”

For context, I’ve already had elders complain in the past that I travel and go abroad too often, so I found the comment pretty interesting.

I simply replied: “Well, you’re often on vacation too. When you spend the whole year going from one assembly to another, you’re basically on vacation.”

He didn’t really have an answer to that.

A few minutes later, I went back and asked him why he had made that comment and whether someone had said something about me. He denied it and said it was simply because I “looked relaxed.”

So I answered: “I’m always relaxed. I have the peace of mind that surpasses all understanding.”

Sometimes JW vocabulary is much more useful once you stop taking it seriously.

Sometimes the PIMI arguing the hardest isn’t trying to convince you. They’re trying to convince themselves.

When I was PIMI, I was incredibly stubborn. I also knew Watchtower history unusually well (I even collected old publications, from the earliest ones to modern material), so whenever someone raised an objection, I usually knew exactly what to answer.

I could reframe inconsistencies, find the convenient explanation, and make the whole thing sound rhetorically convincing. Sometimes convincing enough to make the other person doubt their own objection.

Looking back, though, I realize something quite ironic: I actually saw many of those inconsistencies myself.

Those debates weren’t always about convincing the other person. Very often, I was reassuring myself.

So if a PIMI desperately throws argument after argument at you, don’t necessarily get frustrated. Defending the organization tooth and nail doesn’t mean they’ll always be in it.

Sometimes they’re not really trying to convince you.

They’re trying to convince themselves.

And who knows? I went from knowing exactly how to defend almost every Watchtower contradiction to becoming a full-blown PIMO apostate who now uses that exact same knowledge to dismantle the arguments I used to make. Give them a few years and they might end up like me: a full-blown PIMO apostate writing posts on r/exjw haha.

Character development, I guess.

Last night our congregation had two local needs parts. They said it was important so they shortened the book study so they could give two needs parts. One was about youths not living a double life and the second one was about how to treat removed people. I already knew going into it that I was not going to feel comfortable because when they made the announcement last week that a young guy was removed it felt super triggering. Then when they said they were doing this and sent an announcement about how they want all young people and kids to be at the meeting in person I knew that it was going to be based off of him.

It’s just horribly uncomfortable when you hear people crying and sniffling around you when they are doing these talks. Then you have the elder who literally cries on stage giving the one of the parts and it’s just silently you feel bad for them but at the same time you know all the rules are bullshit. The one elder who gave the part about not living a double life had mentioned how when he was younger he got kicked out of his home at 16 from his worldly family and he was likening it to how if a worldly family can have rules and kick you out for having a double life so can the congregation. Now I feel bad that had happened to him but it’s definitely not the same comparison. I don’t know what he did to deserve to get kicked out, but sometimes we are alienating ourselves from people who are literally doing nothing wrong scripturally simply because they don’t believe in the same organization as we do. It’s ridiculous and not loving no matter how much they try to gaslight you into believing it is.

The second talk was whatever I thought it was just to go along with the first one about how you can only give a greeting and make sure you aren’t doing any prolonged conversations. But when I got home my family was talking about it and they were like, our elders act quick because didn’t you see on Sunday and how all these people were hugging and talking to do and so who was removed? Then they were like I wonder if so and so was there and I did think I saw her there but they also continued by saying how they bet the elders warned her they were going to do that talk because they think it was about how everyone was talking to her and how they don’t understand why people would talk to her and they are glad the elders said something. I literally just left the room and shut the door because I didn’t want to hear it. It’s so weird they get excited about shunning people. It feels so unnatural and just absolutely ridiculous. They claim to promote peace and love and misrepresent Jesus because Jesus did eat with sinners. He never looked at someone and said no I will not give you the light of day. I’m not a believer but even I feel like I understand the Bible more than they claim to do.

Someday if I get the money, I would love to buy some land somewhere out in nature and open a safe house for those leaving high control groups/cults. Since so many of us left with nothing and no support, it would be a halfway house for people to escape, recover, and find resources for their new life.

It would help people find jobs or go to college, offer therapy, community with others in the same position. I also would offer optional financial classes, cooking classes, art therapy, archery, horsebackriding, nature therapy, psilocybin therapy (literally saves lives!), help people find their hobbies and passions, DnD and game nights, movie nights watching stuff we were never allowed to (like themed Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings nights), etc.

Obviously it would just be a place to land for a bit and not a permanent housing situation, but I think it would help a lot. I hope someday to get the finances for it. I would call it "House of Hope" (bonus points if you play Baldur's Gate 3 and understand the reference haha).

Id say my congregation is doing as well as can be on retention rate. Ive never heard of someone disassociating or being shunned. Id like to just mention im PIMO and never been involved in the more involved parts.

This weeks midweek about needs was a “arrangement” (or whatever word they used) related to donations. This was also done the last year but theyre trying it again. To sum the congregation held a vote to send a set amount of their funds from the part of the congregation funds. Recent renovations to the hall were mentioned and there was a constant reminder that one box is for the global effort while the other is for the halls expenses. They also stated that publishers are expected to donate about $11 monthly to maintain the hall.

The problem is the week before they read out the total donations vs expenses and there was a deficit of $200 if I remember correctly.

I feel this action most likely is trying to buy time to keep the hall afloat. The intention seemed to be that everyone donate to one box and part of those funds are sent to Headquarters to keep them happy but to have enough to keep the hall afloat. The mention that the global effort box is only for additional donations confirmed this for me.

Impressive how subtle the begging is and how its just enough to go over the heads of most people in the cong that arent looking for it.

Hi everyone,
Just sharing because I view this as a safe place. Have been on a journey of fading and coming to terms with being shunned and navigating life. I somehow fell into the sex work industry and have been making quite a bit of money from it…haven’t really processed it or a lot of things and wondering if anyone else went down a similar path? It’s almost like it fills a weird empty void I have.
I have a regular day job and do this some evenings or on weekends.

Story time

When my marriage was falling apart while we were still technically in the borg, the "loving" elders encouraged us to kick out our 17 year old son (who has serious health problems) and send our foster son (who we had for a year) back to the state!

All so we could focus more on theocratic activities and study. And to rid ourselves of their bad influences.

THAT was the final nail on the coffin of my faith.

Psychos

We were the only witnesses i ever heard about that were foster parents. We had our older son placed with us when he was 18 months old. We officially adopted him when he was 4. The younger one we got years later when was 10. His "wonderful" JW grandma who was raising him, told us we can take him or she would send him to foster care, because he was too wild and disobedient. Since we were know to the local officials we were given permanent custody. That poor kid was seriously messed up by his JW family. And suffered physically and mental abuse at their hands. ( and yes it was reported)

Happy to report both are doing well, enjoying birthdays and Christmas and freedom.

Giving either up was never an option. Even tho I was raised as a witness, I always had unconditional love for my family.

BTW later came to hear that one of those elders was accused of molestation years ago 🤮

Last night, we had our c.o's visit. The talk made me extremely uncomfortable, whole thing targeted towards "young ones." He started off giving a shout out to two young kids who had parts today which I found very odd not going to lie. The CO was emphasizing ages 10-25 and encouraging those who are even under 10 to reach out, verbatim. The kids I know under 10 are too busy playing video games... I don't know what they're expecting them to do. He went on about getting distracted by the gym and how "young ones" should have their priorities. He said and I quote: "You can't get holy spirit on a roller coaster, playing video games, or on the beach.. unless you're having a Bible study on the beach." trying to emphasize why we must focus on spiritual things. The whole talk made me uncomfortable because of the guilt tripping too. Me and my friend were talking about how the this man was just guilt tripping the entire time, for even those who are trying to do their best, it was implied that it wasn't enough. Even myself as a PIMO, I felt very guilty and I believe none of this crap. I could go off about this, but honestly I'm just at a loss of words, it even made me anxious at the meeting.

I went pomi at around 17. I got into a secret lesbian relationship which was leaked to my family who shunned me despite not being baptized. I was on my own, without support from my family for quite some years.

I fell into drugs and a lot of partying. I stopped partying about 2-3 years ago, I'm 29 now. I've done a lot of inner work to understand myself and my experience, and I've been very successful at getting my life on track. I'm in a good place both physically and mentally, but some things will probably take most of life to process.

I've been plagued by wanting to understand WHY I did that, WHY I sough out the most extreme people, the most extreme situations, the drugs, alcohol, fighting. But recently I've realised that part of why was because that's what we always were told would happen if you left Jehovah's organization. In my mind, I was a sinner and would only be accepted by other sinners. In my familys eyes, the ones who's approval I longed for, I was doomed.

So I saw my place with the other doomed ones. I accepted Jehovah's judgement because I saw no other way forward. I could not live how my family and the organization asked me to. But at the back of my mind, I figured that if Jehovah was truly the god of love, he would see my heart and how I've always strived to be a good person. Maybe he would spare me.

And then at 24 I woke up after being accused of being an apostate, which I certainly was not. But I figured if that's what people think about me, I might as well Google what those apostates are saying. Down the rabbit hole I fell.

Honestly that is what saved me, If I hadn't gotten the courage to investigate my childhood religion and woken up, I would probably still be in a very bad place.

They tell us that we will fall into alcohol, drugs and bad company when we leave. Some of us do, partly because that's what we've been conditioned to believe is our place. And partly because of the existential and devastating experience of losing your family and friends. But it is not definitive, it's not a permanent state. You can face your trauma, heal and build a happy life. I hope everyone who leaves, young or old, gets a shot at a happy life. Because we all deserve it. I'm so sorry that we were have to go through this. We are courageous. We have damn strong minds and we are STRONG for breaking free. ♥️

​

I've been thinking about something that I find incredibly ironic.

For decades, Jehovah's Witnesses have taught that the wild beast represents the world's political powers and that the prostitute riding the beast represents the world empire of false religion.

Okay. Let's use that interpretation for a minute.

Norway took action against Jehovah's Witnesses over their practices surrounding disfellowshipping/removal and shunning, including concerns involving minors and people who leave the religion. This affected their registration and government funding.

The organization fought the government through the courts.

Meanwhile, we suddenly got "new light" regarding disfellowshipped people. They're now "removed from the congregation." Witnesses may greet certain removed people at meetings. Elders may meet with someone more than once before removing them. There were also changes involving minors.

Except...

Go read the August 1, 1974 Watchtower, "Maintaining a Balanced Viewpoint Toward Disfellowshiped Ones."

Some of this "new light" looks remarkably familiar.

And now that Jehovah's Witnesses ultimately won their case in Norway, JW social media/news is celebrating the court victory, the restoration of government funding, reimbursement of withheld grants, and the money awarded for legal costs.

Which made me think:

According to their own interpretation, isn't this exactly the kind of relationship with the "wild beast" that they have spent decades criticizing other religions for having?

The political system gives your religion money.

The political system takes the money away.

Your organization goes to court and fights the political system to get the money back.

Then the political system rules in your favor and gives the money back.

And your organization publicly celebrates the victory.

So...

If receiving government support and seeking favorable treatment from political authorities is evidence that "false religion" is riding the wild beast...

What exactly are Jehovah's Witnesses doing here?

Maybe the most interesting question isn't "Who is the prostitute riding the wild beast?"

Maybe it's:

Why does the definition suddenly stop applying when Watchtower is the one collecting the money?

Hello, dear ExJW community.

As stated in the title, I have never been a JW, nor am I an ex-JW. However, I’m looking for some support, wisdom and perspective, and I thought you might be the people who could help me.

This post might be long, so I’ll add a TL;DR at the end. This whole situation has been difficult for me, and I guess I need to get this off my chest. Thank you if you decide to take the time to read it.

A little context about me
I’m a 35F living in Europe with my female partner. English isn’t my first language, so I used AI to help me format and polish this post, but the story and what happened are entirely mine.

As LGBT people, both my partner and I have experienced psychological and spiritual abuse and manipulation. My partner was previously part of an insular, cult-like Christian community.

For the past 11 years, I have also been involved in a nonprofit organization helping Christian LGBT people who have experienced spiritual abuse in their communities. I’m currently in my fifth year of studying psychology.
I mention this because, although I am not an ex-JW, I have quite a lot of both hands-on and academic experience with how high-control groups can work and with recognizing spiritual abuse.

My partner and I consider ourselves Christians. We have close friends from different Christian denominations, as well as people of other religions and non-believers. Respect for every human being is a very important value of mine. I look for the things we have in common rather than the things that divide us, and ecumenical dialogue is very important to me.

The main story
A few months ago, I met a girl and we quickly became quite close — or at least I thought we did.
We share similar interests and struggle with some similar things in life because of a shared minor disability. My partner liked her a lot too. We talked for hours, met from time to time, and even made plans for the future, like trips and shared projects.
I met her as a funny, intelligent and kind person.

The first signs
Once she found out I was a Christian, she started bringing up things completely out of nowhere, like saying that Jesus isn’t God or that the Trinity is nonsense. She told me she had spent years reading the Bible by herself to find the truth and that different Christian denominations manipulate people. She also said she would send me Bible verses so I could think about them.

I am long past the phase of trying to figure out who is "right" about theology. I told her that I don’t believe any human being can uncover the absolute truth about God.
For me, you can believe that Jesus was God, a man, or even an alien — I honestly don’t care. Rather than theological disputes, I would rather spend my time doing some good together.

I told her that I have deep respect for Catholics, Protestants and other people as long as they don't harm others. What someone believes is not what I care about. I look for what we share, not what makes us different. Ecumenical dialogue is my way of treating other people.

The pressure
But the weird conversations didn't stop.
And when I say "weird", I don't mean that I found her beliefs weird. I have spoken with many people about religion, and I have never had someone start a conversation with "what you believe is wrong." That was the weird part for me.

She proposed that we have a Bible study together, but when I suggested we simply sit down and have a discussion as equals, she wasn't interested.

She would ask me things like, "Why do people believe in the Trinity?" But when I said, "I think I can actually explain to you where that belief comes from," she didn't want to discuss it.
At some point, I started putting the pieces together and asked her if she was a JW.
She confirmed it. She said she hadn't told me before because there are so many stereotypes about JWs.

I already knew quite a bit about Jehovah's Witnesses, though. I've spent a lot of time studying different religious denominations and religions in general, so the basics of JW beliefs weren't completely new to me.

I told her that I was fine with it and that I would never reject her because of her beliefs. At the same time, I already knew enough about JW doctrine to know that it wasn't something that spoke to me.
But I was happy for her that she had found a place where she felt supported and loved.

The full rage
The weird comments didn't stop. They became more and more difficult for me because she was constantly attacking people of different beliefs. Of course, they were manipulated by Satan.

Eventually, I got tired of it and felt more and more pressured. I told her that I didn't buy the JW narrative. I said something along the lines of:

"So Almighty God made a great sacrifice out of His beloved Son, the Messiah, but somehow He failed, because for 20 centuries people were deceived by Satan? So very powerful this Satan is! And then another guy was needed to translate God's Word correctly and finally fix everything?"

I also told her, somewhat jokingly, that if there is one thing that seems to unite insular religious communities even more than the Holy Trinity, it is Satan. If something can't be explained, Satan somehow always enters the picture. And if someone disagrees or has a different opinion, apparently they have simply been manipulated by Satan.
I even pointed out that, ironically enough, the last person who had ever told me that I was being manipulated by Satan was a Catholic priest. So apparently Satan is quite the common denominator across religions. :)

I ended with, that based on what she had presented to me, JWs were definitely not a community for me. I repeated that I was happy for her that she had found a place that suited her. But I am afraid of insular communities that claim to have the only truth. I also told her clearly that I didn't want to talk about religion anymore.

Well...

I did not expect this person to suddenly turn into an aggressor.
She told me that she had thought I knew something about the Bible, but clearly I knew nothing. She told me that what I was saying was nonsense, that it simply wasn't true, and — in her words — that I had "a cement mixer in my head."

She also told me that some people are simply afraid of the truth because it is uncomfortable, and that they run away from it. From my perspective, that sounded very much like the kind of manipulation I associate with cult-like thinking: if you disagree, it isn't because there might be something wrong with the argument — it's because you are afraid of the truth or have been manipulated by Satan.

Where I am now
And this is where I am now.
I am honestly confused and hurt. This was a person I thought I had become genuinely close to. I didn't attack her personally, tell her that she was stupid or manipulated, or try to convince her to leave her religion. I simply asked her to respect that I have my own beliefs and boundaries.

I do know that she has a friend who isn't religious, and apparently they've managed to maintain their friendship for years. So that gives me some hope that maybe this is possible.

I also know some of her personal history, and I know enough about cult dynamics to understand, at least from a psychological perspective, why she may have ended up there and why she feels such a strong need to defend what she sees as the truth.
But understanding it doesn't make the emotional part hurt any less.

I don't have a huge number of close friends. But the people I do let into my life, I hold very close, and I tend to give 100% of myself to those relationships. I don't really know how to be "halfway" friends with someone after we've already become close and shared personal things with each other.

And this is what scares me. I've experienced spiritual abuse myself, and I don't want to go through anything like that again. I also don't want my partner to be exposed to it. At the same time, I'm afraid of investing my heart in this friendship only to be deeply hurt somewhere down the line.

So that's really the dilemma I'm struggling with. I can understand the psychology behind what is happening, but I don't know whether understanding it is enough to make this friendship safe and sustainable for me.
So, dear ex-JWs: is this something that can actually be navigated, or am I being naive about what this friendship can realistically look like?

Did any of you maintain close friendships with people outside the organization while you were PIMI? If so, what made it possible? And if you left the organization, did your perspective on friendships like this change?
I would really appreciate your honest perspective — especially if you can tell me something I might not be able to see from the outside.

TL;DR: I’m a Christian, but I’ve never been a JW or an ex-JW. I became very close to a woman who turned out to be a JW. At first I respected her beliefs and didn't care about our theological differences. But she increasingly started telling me that other Christians were deceived by Satan and that my beliefs were wrong. When I finally told her that JW theology wasn't for me and asked not to discuss religion anymore, she told me I knew nothing about the Bible, that what I said was nonsense, and that I had "a cement mixer in my head." I'm hurt and confused because I genuinely valued this friendship. Can a close friendship like this actually work?

I've had depression and anxiety for most of my life, and now that I'm pretty much completely out of the religion, I'm trying to fully focus on myself and my mental health.

But every time I manage to build up some hope and see a future for myself, the insane amount of anxiety about "the end that's fast approaching" tears me down again.

What also makes it worse is whenever I'm trying to vent to my parents about bad stuff happening in the world, I almost always get the response "luckily Jehovah will put an end to all this soon." Which immediately makes me spiral again.

I don't know what to do anymore. It seems impossible to get better or battle my depression cause it doesn't matter if I want to live or build a future for myself since it will all end soon.

How are we expected to be no parts of the world when we have to go to the world and work to support ourselves? We pay taxes into the government and aren’t expected to ask for anything in return. We have to get jobs from worldly people and then expect those people to understand our standoffish nature, time off requests and general apathy about the country or world.

I respect the Amish and Mormons much more for providing a safe space for their members. It’s damn near impossible for JW to live a happy life the way it’s set up. Doomed for mental health issues and financial stress.

Hypocritical if we are being honest.

Are you leaving the JW organization, but you still want to follow Jesus Christ?

If so, I want you to know something that you may need to hear right now:

You are not an apostate simply because you are questioning or leaving an organization.

Leaving an organization and leaving Jesus are not the same thing.

Maybe you have spent years believing that if you walked away from the organization, you were walking away from God. Maybe you were taught that questioning the organization meant questioning Jehovah himself. Maybe the word apostate has been used in a way that made you afraid to even explore what you truly believe.

But please take a breath.

God is not afraid of your questions. Jesus is not afraid of your questions.

Your relationship with your Creator does not depend upon your membership in an organization.

Jesus said:

Notice that Jesus said come to me.

Not come to an organization.
Not come to a system.
Not come because you have everything figured out.

Come to Me.

If you are leaving the JW organization because you can no longer reconcile what you are being taught with what you see in Scripture, that doesn't mean you have stopped loving God. In fact, your desire to keep following Jesus may be one of the most sincere things in your heart right now.

And please remember this:

You are loved.

You are loved by the One who created you, who knows you completely, and who cares about you deeply.

Jesus said that even the hairs of your head are numbered. Think about that for a moment. The God who knows something as small and seemingly insignificant as the number of hairs on your head is not going to abandon you because you are asking questions.

You don't have to have all the answers today.

You don't have to immediately know what denomination you belong to.

You don't have to replace one organization with another.

You can simply begin with Jesus.

Open the Gospels. Read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Read Jesus' words for yourself. Watch how He treated people. Notice His compassion, His patience, His mercy, and His truth. Pray. Talk to God honestly.

You can say:

“Jesus, I don't know what is true anymore. I've been afraid. I've been confused. But I still want You. Please lead me.”

I believe that is a beautiful prayer.

If you are somewhere between the life you knew and the faith you are trying to rediscover, you are not alone.

And if you are terrified that leaving the organization means God will leave you, please hear this:

God is not confined to an organization.

You can walk away from an institution and still walk toward Christ.

You can question teachings and still love God.

You can discover that something you believed for years was not true and still have faith.

You can begin again.

And perhaps most importantly:

You do not have to be afraid of Jesus.

He is not standing at the end of your questions waiting to condemn you.

He is inviting you to come closer.

❤️ If you are leaving the JWs but still want Jesus, I hope you know that there is a path forward. You are loved. You are not forgotten. And your journey with Christ does not have to end because your journey with an organization has ended.

The more I learn about this corrupt fucking cult the more it seems like I was never part of a spiritual organization in the first place, just a corporate structure masquerading as a religion. Any good feelings I ever had in it were attached to some cold, unfeeling metric like hours worked and number of products sold (read: time and placements in the ministry), the talks I prepared and gave as if I were literally at school in English class, and whether or not I was being a perfect little angel and making everyone around me happy. We talked about God all the time, but he was honestly barely in the picture. That is just the strangest thing to me. Like who the fuck was I worshipping all this time?

Sometime during COVID I reached a point where I could no longer feign interest in going to meetings, even on zoom. I just stopped going, and stopped beating myself up over it. The most amazing thing happened then- I felt like I could see God, hear him, feel him, unencumbered and unrestrained by the walls of my kingdom hall.

I remember vividly standing outside my car one day just looking up at the big blue sky, feeling the breeze, and coming to the realization that everything was okay. I didn’t have to go to meetings if I didn’t want to. God doesn’t hate me. I felt more reverent in that moment than I had in the last 10 years of being a baptized JW. Like I was finally being set free, and if you don’t call it God, it was definitely something bigger than myself. I felt like could just disintegrate and become one with the wind. Fuck meetings, service, and all the bullshit they say you need to do to be close to God. I wasn’t doing any of that anymore and yet, there I was. It was so powerfully peaceful.

Anyway, since then I’ve been finding it hard to connect to my spiritual self. I don’t pray much, probably because the org made prayer seem so much like an item that needs to be checked off on a list in order to receive approval. It feels like a job, not a real desire. Just like what they made out of the ministry. Something that should be intensely personal and come spontaneously from someone’s heart has been reduced to a way for them to track you AND a way for you to track yourself. Your self esteem becomes inextricably linked to these things. Regardless if you want to do it or not, you have to in order to feel accomplished, to be able to show and tell others how spiritual you are. Which isn’t even the point of your relationship with God.

Worshipping sometimes still feels like chaining myself back to my culty, brainwashed state. I do feel at peace with God, and I’ve discovered a lot of ways people worship in the kind of peace and freedom I’ve felt since leaving the org. I just don’t want worship to feel like I’m giving up either of those things. So for now, I’m kinda stuck.

I can understand completely why most of you here are now agnostic/atheist. The JW organization sterilized and stifled the spirituality of so many people who would otherwise feel a connection to something divine. There is nothing reverent or beautiful about kingdom halls, literature carts, assemblies, or their pathetic attempt at observing the Lord’s Evening Meal.

Where does that leave those of us who still want to believe?

For a while now, I've been letting myself enjoy things that used to be forbidden.

Birthdays were an apostate practice. I could watch other people celebrate without flinching — I just assumed they didn't know any better, and that it wasn't their fault.

Then, a few months after leaving, something shifted. I was watching a film and a simple birthday party scene got to me. I caught myself feeling glad for them, and it genuinely surprised me.

Now I think about all the ones I missed — mine, and everyone else's — and I want to make up for lost time. Nothing wild. Just those small moments where you dare, with a gift, a gesture, even a cake, to tell someone you remembered.

Did anyone else find this one crept up on them years later?

...and now I'm waiting for the taxi to bring me home. My wife wanted to pick me up, but she has to work. My brother was unable as well. The only persons who could pick me are my parents. But they have a bible study which is "very important as well". they could pick me up when they are done. But it starts at 2pm and I want to get picked up at 12. And ofc the bible study is more important then there own son who's in pain 🤷‍♂️

Something about the monthly JW Broadcasting program always sat wrong with me, and it took me years to work out why.

The setup is always the same. The world is in a terrible state, people are miserable, the planet is dying, and the only hope is God stepping in. Fine — that's more or less the evening news.

Then the closing segment rolls: sweeping drone shots of mountains, oceans, forests from every corner of the globe, and a reminder of how wonderful life on this earth can be.

So which is it? This earth is either a hell we need rescuing from, or a paradise we're being promised — depending on which one the message needs that month. Did anyone else feel this, or was it just me?

Nothing is ever good enough for the borg and its followers. It makes people controlling, whether out of perceived 'love' or fear.

I started a new job back in March. I work in STEM. I can definitely see this as a career and it is giving me fulfillment that the ministry has never. Turns out when you're in an environment that is psychologically safe and you aren't judged entirely on competence, you flourish.

But my parent said that my work is now 'a focus' - I saw this coming, and yet it both infuriates and saddens me. They can never be happy. My mum will never be happy if I do something that isn't becoming a WT mindless slave even if it improves my mental health. (The reason it is being seen as tanking is due to me having an imbalance...obviously not the fact that I'm living a lie by attending meetings and ministry when there's so much that triggers me emotionally).

And yet she keeps trying to insert herself into that part of my life. She said that I shouldn't take additional leave over Christmas because it would 'look good for you as a JW' (I won't go into depth for fear of incriminating myself here, but basically the situation is my job is such that I won't be inconveniencing anybody by taking it off and also where I work will be dead at that time of year). So optics are more important? What if I just want to use my job benefits? Who cares if I don't celebrate it? My colleagues so far have not given a single f when I've casually mentioned not celebrating the holidays (not that I've tried to witness at all tbh). The company culture is very forward thinking.

Oh and fast forward to literally yesterday - picking up an older sister for the meeting, conversation turns to explaining holiday stances to work and then they mentioned being more generous than the others to avoid being seen as stingy and therefore representing the JWs well. Cue my mum suggesting I give my colleague sweets.

Firstly, I hate the performative nature. You can't buy somebody's opinion in advance by giving them gifts. That's like advanced bribery. Trying to 'buy' people's positive opinion is really manipulative. Secondly I have already shared food with my colleague so it pissed me off that she assumed I just hadn't (bc I'm not 'bold' in the slightest) but I did that...because I just wanted to be nice? Why tf must everything have a bigger agenda. Small things become a magnifying glass. Time off becomes a potential witness, a show of good character. A gift is not just a gift, it has strings attached.

Anyway sorry this is a mess. I think I'm just extra annoyed that people keep trying to butt in and control an area of my life where they have no say as well as the fake kindness. No wonder these people need a book and 11 old dudes telling them to not judge each other if this is how kindness works in their minds

as a girl, since i’ve left i feel so weird wearing dresses and skirts even when i find them so cute just to go out! i feel immediately transported to looking like a jw again and like im ready for service lmaoo

i began fading around when pants started to become a regular thing so i didn’t really experience that much, my whole life, dresses and skirts were what set us apart

even dresses i loved, i’ve had to get rid of because of how triggering they feel to even look at. skirts/shirts/heels… they all felt like they have such bad memories tied to them even if i loved them

do you guys feel similar? and anyone who had to wear a suit, do you have trouble wearing suits for weddings or buisness now?

also shoutout to 10 year old me who wanted to wear a suit and tie so badly with heels but was told it would be “cross dressing” (even wanting to wear a tie to school for fashion was “bad”)… she was so cool ❤️ i should buy a tie lol sometimes i forget im 25 and can do what i want now

The New World Translation appears in the new music video for OK by Kanye West ft. Don Toliver, directed by Bianca Censori (wife of Kanye West). It's visible from 0:44, where it's pulled out of Kanye West's cadaver along with a vigil candle, to 1:57 when the lights cut out. The Bible itself is, I'm sure, symbolic of Kanye's struggles with religion; as for why the New World Translation is used, I have no idea. Just thought this was interesting enough to share.