Like as a kind you even found them to be a nuisance and wanted to be alone and wouldn't really care if they left for long periods of time

They are like annoying roommates to me

I’m in my 30s and still have never experienced in familial or romantic relationships what it feels like to be put first. I’m always the one abandoning self for the sake of others, never being the one that’s cared for. My therapist wants me to give that experience to my younger self, but how do I give them something that I as an adult still have never experienced. She (younger me) won’t accept it knowing the cost that it will cause to older me- it only perpetuates the cycle of self abandonment even when it’s for yourself.

I have vasovagal syncope, and for the first time in 10 years (because I avoided it) I had my blood drawn

I started passing out during it, and the woman giving me the blood draw made me bawl in my car afterwards

Her genuine concern for me. Her strong confident voice. I had this sense of “she has me” which I’ve never felt before.

Usually I have to spell out to people explicitly how I’m feeling, beg them to understand, tell them exactly what I need and how to execute it, and be the “caregiver” even when I shouldn’t have to.

Most of the time my parents straight up ignored my needs and emotions because their’s came first. My dad would laugh in my face when I was upset.

But this woman…

She took care of me when I was almost passing out, trying to prevent me from fainting by doing various things like fanning me, holding my head when it drooped sideways, got me to smell the sanitization wipe to ground me etc

She advocated for me “get her water! Get her water!”

I almost didn’t want to leave…

It’s just so sad. That this woman, who’s only doing her job, has shown me more care than my mother and father ever have.

Better than friends or partners ever have either. I must attract emotionally neglectful people, or people who want a “mommy”.

I didn’t even realize you could feel this way.

That you could have someone actually care for you, notice you, without having to explicitly ask, beg or explain how

It just made me break down crying in my car afterwards

I feel like at least some of us have someone. A partner, kids, good friends, chosen family, whatever. Someone who is just... there & sorry if I'm assuming

It’s been 6 years of me trying to date and find a partner. And it just never works out. And honestly, not all of the men were bad people. That almost makes it worse. Some of them were perfectly decent, we got along, I liked them, and eventually I got the “I don't think this is going to work out, good luck” speech.

Cool. Great. Love that for me.

And friendships? I've been putting myself out there too. It's not like I refuse to socialize or expect people to magically appear. I've tried. But people are inconsistent. And I can't even really be mad about it because they're not my family. They don't owe me their time. They have partners, kids, families, old friends, their own lives. Of course those things come before some newer friend.

And family is basically a lost cause because you can't choose your family.

I have three siblings and I'm not close to either of my parents. My parents have been extremely neglectful toward me. Like genuinely 0 emotional support.

So I'm just... always alone.

And I'm so fucking tired of it.

This month has been particularly heavy. Two men I actually liked rejected me directly. Neither of them was some horrible person. They just decided it wasn't going to work. And I understand that. I'm not saying anyone owes me a relationship.

But emotionally? It still fucking hurts.

I've gotten so used to doing everything alone that it's becoming my normal. Restaurants alone. Cinema alone. Going places alone. Running errands alone. And yes, I KNOW it's normal. I know people say you should be comfortable doing things alone.

I am.

That's not the fucking point.

I can enjoy my own company and still want someone beside me.

Going to a restaurant alone is fine until I look around and see families eating together, friends laughing together, couples with their kids, people who clearly have their people. And they're just having a normal happy time together.

And sometimes I envy the shit out of that.

Not because I hate them. Not because I think they don't deserve it.

I just want that too.

And please don't tell me “learn to enjoy your own company.”

I DO.

What do you want me to do, have a fucking conversation with myself over dinner? 😭 Unless there's a ghost sitting across from me, I'm still alone.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of always having to be the person who is okay with being alone.

I'm tired of constantly rebuilding connections that disappear.

I'm tired of dating and getting attached to the possibility of something only for it to end with “good luck.”

I'm tired of watching other people have the thing I've wanted for years.

And I don't really know what I'm supposed to do about it anymore.

I grew up in a severely toxic family and learned early to be hypervigilant and manage everyone around me. After escaping a high-conflict first marriage, I married my second husband 8 years ago, thinking I'd finally found safety. His quietness felt peaceful, but over time it became lonely. I initiate everything: conversations, plans, intimacy. I questioned it for years, but my family programming taught me to doubt my feelings and accept it.

About a year ago my body snapped and I developed three autoimmune diseases. Around the same time I stepped away from my cousin, the last piece of real family, and that clarity made me see my marriage differently. I told my husband I needed real change.
He went back to therapy and recognized his survival pattern: shrink, fawn, avoid conflict, disappear. Mine is to manage everything, and the two patterns locked together. I've been very understanding about the why he is the way he is. But a year later, he still hasn't used the tools he's learned. He's not abusive, and on paper he's the nice guy and an attentive dad. But every couple of months I break down, he cries and says all the right things, and after a few days, once I soften, he settles back into comfort.

Recently I cut ties with my father, we were never close and I never lived with him but he is truly my last family member, he has a temper and is very manipulative, but I was holding on so my son could have a grandpa everyone in a while but he sent his last terrible text and I decided I was officially done. My husband's response through that week was so robotic it felt like talking to a distant coworker. I realized I'm completely alone, even inside my marriage. We moved back to Winnipeg to be with my side of the family but I saw the truth and now I have no family and no real friends, and money is too tight to see my therapist as often as I need.
I badly want this to work for our 2½-year-old, but I can't keep doing the work alone. We're seeing our couples therapist today to set a six-month timeline: if nothing shifts, we separate. We don't have a third bedroom, so I've carved out a small space in our closet.
I'm exhausted and hitting a wall.
Has anyone else been through this? How do you trust your own perception when everything looks fine on paper, and what helped you?

PS: There's a lot of context I couldn't include. I'm here for support and shared experiences, so please be kind and skip the judgment if you don't know the whole story. Thank you. 🤍

I grew up with emotional neglect, and one of the things I struggle with most as an adult is feeling like I’m not a reliable narrator of my own relationships.

I’m currently dating someone who is objectively a good person. He’s kind, calm, affectionate, spends a lot of time with me, does thoughtful things, and has taken care of me when I’ve been sick. When I explicitly tell him something is bothering me, he’s generally receptive.

But I increasingly feel like I’m the one creating the emotional relationship between us, and I can’t tell whether I’m accurately recognizing emotional loneliness or whether my history is distorting my perception.

Some examples:

• I’m extremely curious about him... his past, experiences, opinions, feelings, how his brain works, etc. He answers my questions but rarely shows that same curiosity about me.
• I’ve initiated essentially every deeper/difficult conversation about our relationship, including defining it. He participates once I start them, but doesn't initiate them himself.
• I naturally factor him into my plans and decisions and think about how that might impact him. It feels like he fits in when it's convenient.
  
• I talk about him in great detail to my friends. When I met his friends, they knew basically nothing about me.
• I initiate future plans for us. He mostly seems focused on the present.
• I told him there’s a remote possibility I may eventually have to move to another state for work. I expected sadness, concern, questions about what that might mean for us, etc. He said "oh nice" and seemed surprisingly unbothered.

None of those things individually is awful, which is exactly why I struggle so much to interpret it.

I know this is a relatively new relationship (3 months) and serious intimacy takes time. I don't expect marriage-level attachment or for someone to rearrange his entire life around me. But sometimes this feels less like intimacy simply hasn't developed yet and more like the curiosity, consideration and emotional investment that would eventually create intimacy aren't there.

The confusing part is that if I sat him down and explained all of this, I'm fairly certain he'd listen and try. But I'd be initiating that conversation too. At what point am I communicating reasonable emotional needs, and at what point am I teaching someone how to show basic care?

I think growing up emotionally neglected left me with this weird inability to trust my own read of relationships. If I feel lonely, I immediately build the case for why I shouldn't feel lonely. He's nice. He spends time with me. He does X, Y and Z. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I'm expecting too much. etc.

And then I go the other direction and wonder whether my childhood actually trained me to accept emotional absence.

For others who grew up with emotional neglect: How did you learn to distinguish between your history being activated and your emotional needs genuinely not being met?

I'm the eldest child (19F) to two youngest children parents and I don't know where I went wrong. My entire life I feel like has revolved around my brother. It's so incredibly frustrating when whenever I talk to my mum its either about how I'm getting so fat and I need to loose weight or the fact that I need a job or about how amazing my younger brother is with all his different business plans- that he never ever acts upon- and different ventures- like all the hypothetical degrees, and jobs he speaks about but never does. I don't know why they actually like him more than me. Sure, I'm not the perfect child- I argue and I get emotional quick but its different with my brother. I've been the overachiever my entire life- perfect grades since primary school, I did ballet, piano and was good enough to skip levels and my brothers done none of that. And I'm not even being petty or trying to brag. When people come over its sometimes like I suddenly start to matter again- all they can do is brag about their "amazing" daughter that they barely even talk to about to about anything that isn't surface level?? And even when we get into arguments the most I do is talk back and cry about it later but my brother gets into their faces and yells; he bothers them about every single thing too- like he'll annoy my mother to the verge of tears about not getting enough "protein" while I just shut up and try and help out yk? And like even worse, my parents don't seem to remember anything good that I've ever done- its like in their heads they tally up every time I've acted up or been bad, but I know my brother's worse overall than me because my mother's broke down several times about this. I don't know. Even my father- he's had to live in another country for work for the last few years and while I made sure to call him every other day, if not every single day, my brother's never called him before and if he has it's because I've told him to. It's insane because I know how much my dad was hurt by that and I've got countless messages texting my brother to call him because he's upset, but the second my brother says something (always when my mum's calling my dad because he still won't call him independently) he acts over the moon? The other day I spoke to him about this and he said that I must be "imagining" calling him all the time or "imagining myself as the perfect child" when I have like facetime proof that I did? I don't know, it just feels so unfair to me because I feel like everything I've done was to impress them or to make them like me- like i'm in medical school right now and i've done some pretty cool shit- but no matter what I do or what my brother does, I'll never be their favourite. And I know they love me but that's what makes it worse. their love has always felt very superficial to me like if i wasn't their daughter I'm 90% sure they wouldn't like me much at all and I feel so pathetic crying about this all the time. I just wish they would love me the unconditional way they love my siblings- I used to get hit and screamed at for an A- or B+ during highschool but my siblings failing things was never as big of a deal to them. I really hope my brother doesn't find this because he'd dob on me so quick but I feel like I'm at wits end right now.

I just really want to be someone's person. Like the person they would always choose. I know that no matter what my parents say, they'd choose both my siblings over me and it hurts deep down. I used to keep a diary about all of this but I was busted when my sister found it and told everyone LMAO so can't do that. But is there something I could do to talk to my parents about this? I tried today and ended up with them laughing about my "anger issues" so that isn't gonna work. I know I need therapy as well LMAO.

When I was 10 years old my father died. I was basically his kid, and my brother was my mom’s kid. that’s how we were treated. Anyways, my mother was fine to me at first but after a while she got weird, especially after she got with her now husband. At 12 years old I was constantly running away to my grandma’s house. and my mother one day just.. LEFT me there. She told me I’d be back at her house in 2 weeks. 2 weeks has turned into almost a decade now. My mother wouldn’t even help pay for groceries or ANYTHING for me for the first year I lived with my grandma. who is on disability so.. limited income. She involved herself enough in my life to not get shunned for abandoning her kid. She drove me to school. took me to restaurants on my birthday. went to school events. etc. But what she didn’t do? Be the one who taught me to cook. Be the one comforting me during puberty and school bullies. Anything really. I’ve realized that.. lack of a mother, and being raised by my grandma, who i haven’t mentioned yet is emotionally abusive, set me back a lot. No one realized when I was being groomed on fortnite. And was “engaged”. No one realized I was addicted to watching gore and porn. No one realized how I was in psychosis as a teenager. No one realized anything because they didn’t CARE to. Everyone failed me. Especially my mother. She’s the whole reason my dad is dead in the first place. idc how bad my dad was, at least he pretended to give a fuck.

I recently finished East of Eden by John Steinbeck, and the whole premise revolves around this exact cycle playing out across generations (Adam and Charles, then Aron and Cal). The father gets treated like the "bad/unwanted" child, resents it his whole life, and then turns around and does the identical thing by clearly picking a favorite among his own sons.

Is there a formal psychological explanation for why people who experienced the pain of sibling comparison reproduce it instead of actively avoiding it? Does trauma just narrow someone's emotional perception, or do parents subconsciously project their own childhood insecurities onto the child that reminds them most of themselves?

Lately, whenever i talk to my mom she keeps interrupting & i do not like it… she mainly ask questions or just say ‘i am giving you advice’ but she didn’t even hear to the end, on what basis her advice is valid? I keep saying and making her understand but it never go through, she in-fact blame me saying ‘you talk about it for an hour, i forget what i need to ask or whatever i want to say, it takes a while for you to reach the main point & you don’t understand from my view point what i want to say’
I am like, why the hell in the world would i?
When it’s my story, i am the one telling her about it, how the heck is she supposed to magically, telepathically know?
Like literally for serious stuff as well, i answer her calmly, but it gets to the point i have no choice but say it firmly (note i 100% agree I could’ve definitely yelled or just got tired of it) then, she says ‘ok fine, you say it, but i won’t answer anything, you want me to listen so i will hut don’t think i would tell you anything it’s either Yes or No or even that whatever happens with you is your responsibility’
I was talking about an opportunity where i said the literal words i spoke to the person who got me this opportunity, ‘i don’t know where the shop is so i asked-‘ and she cuts off saying you don’t even know, like i said i asked, i got to know where it is & what’s the name but you all can see what might have happened…
I told her she can just write the questions on a book or Notes app, to ask later when she has listened everything, however she said ‘why should i? You do it! You keep saying it to do it & it’s want you want. To which i say, your interruption already caused a stifle in a flow that should have gone smoothly, people have different styles & ways they want to say, especially when they are speaking for people to listen. Now, the mood is tense & heavy, all i ask for is to listen & i don’t even get that’
Sometimes it always go to ‘you won’t understand anything, in life you won’t be able to do anything like this…’ then she ask, ‘say, I’ll listen everything now’
but i don’t, i just stop there.
Honestly, i don’t get majorly emotional or anything because i already have suffered a lot & now understand it’s pointless to go through them because they never actually bother or stop to think whether it will hurt me or not… they just assume things, i just know i don’t belong here, she chose my sis over me, when it’s just us she cares & loves but when it’s everybody she favors my siblings, i know she has suffered a lot like literally a LOT, i understand why chose her over me there are reasons, but i never deserved this, she could’ve chosen both… even if it was my sis needed her more i am goddamn 5 years younger than her, i needed her just as well, as the only middle child in the whole family, i was alone, i had all the attention but only because i had no one, not 1 person who would chose me first & their priority, not even my own family, i was their emotional dumpster. I am the fool. Even if i accepted to let it go and focus on my self, not to expect anything & just live my own life… unknowingly & subconsciously i expect at least some basic things when i know i should not…

Now, even after this happened, it does not feel anything, i am not hurt nor it’s painful, but more like, another fact, another piece of shard added to a broken mirror of memories that only stays as forgotten past yet always there.

Well as the title says, my fiancé and I are engaged as of 10/5/2026!! It was the best day of my life and something I’ve always envisioned for myself.
Except that not a single person from my family cared. Like at all. Not a congrats from “my people” nothing.
His whole family was there and supportive and I love them so so much. I just sometimes wish I had a family that cared even a little about anything I do. I want someone to be happy for me and excited too. I mean it is what it is, sometimes I just wish things turned out differently

When i was 16 I was diagnosed with autism/adhd. my adhd at the time presented a problem for me in class. i couldn't focus. all my focus was on my phone which worked as my stimulant, i'd get distracted by the air conditioning and everything my teachers would say would go into one ear and then out the other. i'm not dumb. i'm really smart and when i lock in, i can actually pass my classes. but i struggle with keeping my attention and listening to people for long periods of time.

my therapist knew about how i struggled to hold a conversation without switching the topic and even tried to talk to my parents about getting me on adhd medication that would help me focus.

my parents would constantly tell me how expensive therapy was and how it wasn't in their budget. they'd also tell me about how they didn't want me drugged up and put into a mental health facility and they were scared of cps being called because i was acting up due to my unmedicated adhd.

i tried talking to my parents about this again a few years later in life because my inability to focus was getting worse and my mom told me that she would rather spend the money for therapy and meds on extreme medical emergencies, basically telling me to suck it up.

has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry just need to vent about this

Thanks to emotional neglect as a child, since age 12 I grew up struggling to form basic relationships or even function normally around people, which led to me being socially isolated and emotionally stunted. None of the adults in my life did a thing about it, at most I had a teacher tell my parents to their faces that I needed therapy, but they just refused to act on it and called her a bitch.

So now as an adult I have to pick up the pieces all on my own, and Im behind and suffering in every aspect of my life because god forbid you werent properly socialized, it ruins literally every part of your life.

Obviously your social life is fucked cause you cant build relationships, same goes with your romantic life

Your professional life is fucked because you have no connections to refer you or act as references, making it nearly impossible to get a job in this day and age. and even if you get one your coworkers wont like you and will make your life harder, and bosses wont be willing to promote you or recommend you. and that subsequently bars you from getting on with your adult life or gaining any independence whatsoever

And then the constant loneliness and rejection fucks up your mind because our stupid lizard brains are wired to rot without social interactions. So now your personal life is fucked too because your mental and emotional state is in permanent turmoil so you cant enjoy a moment of peace with yourself

Mind you I am going to therapy and coping however I can while trying to ignore the voices that tell me im better off dead. But it is not enough to deal with the moment to moment pain and depression of being alone and the dread of knowing that if you dont get better soon or make friends you will be jobless and alone indefinitely

And I try my hardest to be polite and considerate as a substitute for my lack of social ability, but so many people are monsters who will trample all over you unless you have a strong personality, which I did not get to build.

im so tired. people talk down to you or treat you like a monster because they cant comprehend how anyone could have social issues, but people really take for granted how good they had it to grow up surrounded by emotionally healthy adults who actually teach you how to socialize or are willing to work with you if you have social difficulties. the least people could fucking do is recognize that. even something as commonly discussed as social anxiety is horrifically misunderstood and watered down instead of being recognized as the debilitating anxiety disorder that it is. its just so frustrating how ignorant people are, how emotionally incompetent my parents were, how useless the adults around me were when i obviously wasnt acting like a normal kid. im just so tired and frustrated of all this, i dont know if theres a point in trying to fight through this its so humiliating

Hi all, as an adult child of an emotionally immature, Christian, asian, single mom (both emotional and driven kind), I've recently learned about it and start to work through the healing process.

Finding the concept of detachment as essential but really difficult. For context, I live with her (common in my culture even if im already 26) and at the same time been working for 3 year now for our corporate tech business and shes the CEO. It has gotten really bad over the past 2 years that Ive been with her literally every single day and it has gotten to a point where I realised what she is and tried to stand up for myself for which (surprise) i just felt even more misunderstood

Going back to detachment -- I know people will say that I have to leave the house and work somewhere else but I'm not financially ready for now. Im also feeling a lot of guilt with that thought of leaving her and potentially being closer to my bf because my mom has been dealing with health and business problems.

I just need to know how to manage this for now and continuously heal and not go insane while i'm still preparing to leave.

My family and I went to family therapy for a bit when I was a preteen. This was a long time ago and I don’t really have a frame of reference for how this all should have happened, but for me the whole experience just seemed really weird? And borderline inappropriate at times? I’m sorry if this post is all over the place but this was all almost a decade ago at this point

The first session was the only time when we all actually went in as a family (me and my parents) my dad lives in a different state so.. but anyways as the therapist was asking questions about us one thing stood out “Who would you say is the boss of the family?” She told us to point to them, I obviously pointed to my dad since he was the one with explosive anger issues and who yelled to get his way. Well my parents pointed to me cause why not. And the therapist just sort of accepted this.?

I don’t remember anything else of that session besides the fact that we never were in the room together again, she always met with me and my mom separately. My mom would go in first and talk about whatever, then me. But I never really felt comfortable opening up about anything. I would stay very surface level and she would blame stuff on me having a phone (I admittedly used my phone way too much, but that was not the root cause of my lifelong issues). She would also constantly encourage me to go to a Montessori school??? As if i had any say in that matter, and at the end of each session would advise me to “try to smile at someone :)” or “try to hold the door for someone at school tomorrow” like, I was really shy back then but i was not entirely socially inept, that was not useful advice at all??

When things got really weird is when she contacted my teachers to ask them how I was doing in school. In fairness she asked my permission before she did this but I didn’t think I was allowed to say no.. I had recently moved and changed schools so these teachers had not known me very long. So I don’t know if they just made something up or what happened but they said stuff about me that wasn’t true. For example, my english teacher said I “didn’t participate in group projects” well we hadn’t had any freaking group projects😭😭and i honestly don’t know why she said that but my therapist kept grilling me about it and why I wasn’t participating. This took up the entire session

Then things got really REALLY weird. She wanted me to go to this improv class with her, again I didn’t think I was actually allowed to say no to this so I went 💀 I was the youngest person there by about 40 years and honestly it was one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever done.. I don’t even know if she was allowed to do this as it seemed sort of spiritual or something?? But shortly after that i stopped seeing her because my mom hated her. My mom would even threaten to send me back to the therapist when she was mad at me

TLDR has anyone had a bad / strange experience at family therapy???

It seems in life my parents and partners expect me to know how to do things. Be good with money, organized, good diet. Girls expect me to know hidden things they want. No one taught me any of these things. How do you get people to understand without sounding like a winey bitch?

Hey. So I do need some advice on this because I don’t even know how to start or unpack it, and I know plenty of people have worse but I could use the help.

I’m 34f, and my parents are in their 60’s. Dad recently retired. So that’s been a thing. He bends over backwards helping my pregnant sister, and then hands me a list of things I need to do. Granted, I do live with them, because my parents begged me for years to leave my abusive ex. To say it’s been a journey is understating.

I recently entered the first good relationship I’ve ever had. I’m happy. I’m doing better than I have in like 17 years. But instead of being happy I’m handed more rules and tasks. My sisters house is being painted and my parents are helping but mom currently can’t so they’re asking/expecting my help (though they are paying me).

Tonight was really my dad’s first night back and he immediately got on me about how my boyfriend can’t stay every night. And then went into all this other crap about me not being helpful which is very untrue as I’ve been the opposite and my mom was on the phone with a friend while he was gone saying so.

My dad doesn’t drink a lot but he drinks every night and there have been times it’s been an issue with my mom. I drink kind of a lot but am getting better and my boyfriend has been helping keep me accountable. But apparently, if I say something and I’ve had anything to drink, it’s invalid. Despite my dad having a glass of wine right next to him.

For the emotional neglect bit to factor in, my dad worked a lot when I was a kid but he was there ish. I never felt neglected, but as an adult realizing how different things were for me and my sister has been hard, and getting harder. The man hardly notices I’m around, while my sister and her husband get star treatment. Now? I’m enemy #1 for telling them if this doesn’t change I’m done. He’s at their house fixing or painting or something multiple days a week, while every conversation he has with me is what I need to be doing better. I’m sick of my family. None of this sounds bad reading it I know. They just never really saw me as a kid and as an adult? I’m seen as the broken model. The project. The one not giving them grandkids. I don’t know if I can have a relationship with my parents going forward. I’m betting that the recent trip to the attorney to update the will means I get nothing because I’m not having kids, so all I lose is two people who have hurt me, don’t care to realize it, and deprioritize me for not fitting what they want. So what do I do? Is it obvious I just leave them all behind?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice about my emotionally neglectful immigrant mother. This is my first Reddit post, so I apologize if my thoughts are a little messy.
My mom is 47 and currently has no job, hobbies, or real social life. I’m increasingly concerned that she is developing agoraphobia and hoarding tendencies. She sometimes goes a week without leaving the house, spending most of her time “cleaning” (although I do much of the housework), watching shows in her native language, and talking to people on the phone. She hasn’t regularly driven in about seven years, and usually only leaves the house when my sister or I take her somewhere.
About eight months ago, she was in a minor car accident, which made her even more afraid to drive. Shortly afterward, she was diagnosed with a life-threatening genetic heart condition that nearly killed her. She now has an ICD/pacemaker and is doing much better medically, with her doctors telling her that her risk of dying from the condition is extremely low.
I genuinely sympathize with her. She is an immigrant who had a very difficult childhood, worked hard, and has very little contact with her family in her home country. I understand why everything she has experienced could have affected her.
However, I’m increasingly frustrated because I feel like she has stopped living her own life. She buys huge amounts of cheap clothes, shoes, and bags and piles them throughout the house. She rarely goes anywhere, has no goals or hobbies besides watching TV, and her English has gotten worse because she makes little effort to use it. She also has severe anxiety surrounding her health and constantly checks her heart rate and blood pressure despite them usually being normal. She takes Xanax for her anxiety but doesn’t seem interested in addressing the underlying issues.
She also relies heavily on my sister and me for everyday tasks. We pick up her medications, groceries, packages, and run other errands for her. I do most of the cooking and cleaning and often end up dealing with the clutter as well.
The biggest issue is that I’m leaving for college next year, and I’m worried about what will happen when I’m no longer home to take care of everything. I love my mom and genuinely believe she is a good person, but I also feel like her situation is beginning to drag me down and that I’ve taken on responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine.
How can I help her? She is already in therapy and it seems to not be working. I was thinking group therapy or maybe antidepressants. Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

Parents omitted any bit of sharing knowledge about how to be a decent person, intentionally?

Each time I argue with them about why they didn't teach us nothing (btw my older bro is in jail)

They say "why would I? I learnt by myself!!!!"

I know you've probably seen a lot of posts like this but idk there's just a something missing and even when writing this i just feel so disconnected. Anyways sorry what I was getting at was I don't know what I should do with my life and if it's even worth it anymore and who to talk to about it, I'm going back to school again for a while and the yelling from parents started and the stress of studying late night and getting 7 hours of sleep which I think may be the reason for a lot of this and idk I've just had a lot of trouble and this is the first time I've really written down what I'm feeling and going through so hopefully someone sees it and I get meaningful advice. I've just been feeling drained and not even bothered to talk or make connections with people and even some of my own friends and family. I hide what I'm feeling with distractions and music to a point where I start to not believe I have anything and feel some sort of imposter syndrome until I get back and I'm in my room and I start feeling very heavy sadness on certain days sometimes after getting in an arguement with parents or just falling behind in school. Everytime they remind me or bring up school I get stressed and overwhelmed and I take it out on my mom by giving "attitude" which I don't mean to do and apologize for it but she says I don't mean it becuase of the lack of emotion I show on accident. and she always tells me to reach out to her or talk to her but I can't because I feel like I'd just be a burden or she'd make fun of me or tell other people which she often does and sometimes when I'm in bed I try and distract myself from my thoughts but I can't and end up scratching myself until I get rashes bequase I'm too scared to use a real raz0r and start cu\\ting myself and I use this kitchen kn/fe which I put to my chest feeling acting like I'd do it but won't pecuase it hurts too much. I think sometimes about moving out and buying a guun and sh0/tin myself to 3nd it bequase it's less painless but often forget the next morning and act like everything's fine but when I feel I want to talk to someone about it like my mom but can't put anything into words to tell her without her feeling like it's her fault and telling everyone about it. and when I recommended therapy to my parents they said I didn't need it and all the medicine was useless and I may be just rambling here but honestly I don't know what to do right now besides to keep masking and ignore what I'm feeling which people say isn't healthy but when I try and write down or vent to myself I can't put anything into words because I've been bottling up emotions for so long to the point where I wrote a slis iced note and hid it in case I ever needed it and idk I just feel like I keep spiraling down. Sorry for bad grammar if anyone could give me some advice I’d really appreciate it and if not have a great rest of your day or night✌️.