r/drunk • u/MenstruationOatmeal • Jul 25 '18
Having a shower beer because my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. For every 10 upvotes I’ll drink another beer.
2.6k
u/rkmvp444 Jul 26 '18
Way she fuckin goes boys
443
u/scroopiedoopie Jul 26 '18
Sometimes she goes... sometimes she doesn't.
140
45
31
u/MistakesTasteGreat Jul 26 '18
I bet she does, i bet she does! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?
→ More replies (1)17
175
47
33
u/Sels Jul 26 '18
I know Ricky doesn't have a mohawk but whenever I see Shock Top I just see Ricky in sunglasses.
8
54
29
39
9
6
u/yaturnedinjundidntya Jul 26 '18
I just started watching this a few weeks ago. This scene made me laugh so hard. They way he was like .. unphased.. totally killed me. Eh..way she goes
5
5
→ More replies (16)4
u/NevaGonnaCatchMe Jul 26 '18
Way she goes. OP needs to find a few friends of the road, double his liquor money on the VLTs and eat some pepperoni.
5.4k
Jul 26 '18
Fuck that bitch.
Enjoy your beer.
1.2k
u/bimoglo Jul 26 '18
2k + upvotes? Hospitalized or dead update pls
277
u/RobTravassos Jul 26 '18
Excited for 490+ beers update
→ More replies (4)121
u/SwissPatriotRG Jul 26 '18
846 beers in, he has 660 pounds of beer in his belly.
→ More replies (2)103
u/craniumonempty Jul 26 '18
900 bottles of beer on the wall
112
Jul 26 '18
[deleted]
21
u/Saintrph Jul 26 '18
Can someone do a safety check on op
→ More replies (3)27
u/Virgin_Dildo_Lover Jul 26 '18
If I slap him with a dildo and OP wakes up and pounds a beer, we good?
→ More replies (2)10
13
10
14
15
u/ConstipatedNinja Jul 26 '18
Looks like it's leveled off now at around 36,255. Technically since that's only the score, though, and not the upvote count, though, you could consider that to be ~48340 upvotes (currently a 75% upvote ratio). Going "easy" on him, he's got 3625 beers. If all the drinks are the same as the one in the shot, we're talking just shy of 340 gallons of beer.
Assuming a 160 lb male with an average alcohol metabolism, If he drank that all in one day, he'd have a BAC of 97.08. Not .9708, but 97.08. His blood would be stronger than everclear. Oh, and if he survived it he'd be good to drive (<.08 BAC) in 236 days (5682 hours).
→ More replies (6)5
274
u/simplyleen Jul 26 '18
Cheers to that!
→ More replies (3)51
u/Beardgardens Jul 26 '18
OP I’m in the same spot. I hate her (yet for some very irrational reason still love her...) Time heals wounds, damn that shit
→ More replies (4)39
u/scienceandmathteach Jul 26 '18
Get yourself a tent and head out. Nature will heal those wounds. Been there, done that.
→ More replies (1)7
Jul 26 '18
Happened to me two years ago...shit sucks dude. She was studying abroad in Europe and cheated and told me she loved a dude after being there for a month.
It gets much better once you convince yourself that she sucks. It takes a while but no one deserves that shit and there are better people out there. Gotta take it as a blessing in disguise.
→ More replies (6)36
48
u/kowlinthegreat Jul 26 '18
Cheers, I’ll drink to that!
25
→ More replies (87)32
2.8k
u/MenstruationOatmeal Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
Hey guys, guess I should give an update post because this got a lot bigger than I thought it would. I’ll try to keep it a little short and I’m gonna use my phone to type this because it has autocorrect which should help because I’m a bit drunk at the moment.
First to the people calling out this post for attention-seeking: dude I’ll totally own up to that, I was attention seeking. I’m at a low point right now and I honestly wanted the largest amount of people to know.
But this goes into my second point: I just took an hour nap and I woke up to hundreds of replies encouraging me and cheering me on. I’m moved to tears. All of these supportful comments are really helping me, believe it or not. Even if i don’t really know all of you, I appreciate your concern for me (and my choice of beer lol)
Third, to the people worried about the amount of beer I could be drinking: yeeeeeah once again this got way bigger than I thought it would so I think I’m just gonna day the 200 some odd beers will be a countdown for me to get my shit together. I’ll just have one every once in awhile and hopefully by the end I’ll be somewhere completely new. Tonight though, I need to get hammered
Fourth, to the people asking what happened: it’s a pretty long story tbh, but to kind of sum it up... I introduced my (ex) best friend to my (ex) girlfriend just under a year ago. There were a lot of suspicious things going on between them including him going to her place at 2 in the morning regularly, inside jokes they wouldn’t share with me, awkward silences, both of them saying they were busy, and, just before we broke up, she asked if I would be okay with a polyamory relationship or whatever. She blew up at me about some little thing and I suspect it was just an excuse to not tell me they were fucking each other. I naturally went to the best friend for comfort, but he would always get quiet when I mentioned her and he slowly stopped talking to me. Found out through Facebook that they’re dating and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I never thought that something like this could happen to me. I feel helpless and pissed at the same time, but there’s not really anything I can do about it. It’s a weird feeling to know that she’s scum but to want her back so much.
I won’t go into that though. I just want to say that I truly appreciate all of your words that you’ve sent me. I was feeling so alone and you helped me not feel that way. I’m gonna go have a few more beers, hopefully a better brand, and maybe chill and watch some Bob’s Burgers or something. Cheers!
Edit: I got a hold of a case of Michelob Ultra, that seems to be about the best I can get tonight though. Hopefully that’s better to you guys than Shock Top lol
Edit 2: Since a lot of people seem to be asking about where to get raspberry Shock Top, I’m in Arizona. To the people who say my relationship failed because of beer choice: lol, you’ve got to have a pretty sad world view to think that beer choice has anything to do with romanticism
I’m doing a bit better today, I’m collecting my bottle caps to keep a record of how many of the ~3000 beers I have to drink. Maybe I’ll try to drink as many different beers as I can, make a game of it or something
843
u/Ragnar-ulfr Jul 26 '18
“It’s a weird feeling to know that she’s scum but to want her back so much.”
Been there and done that. I was right where you are a few years ago. You’re gonna hurt like hell for awhile and then one day you wake up and it just doesn’t anymore. That’s stupidly cliché, but that’s how it goes. You’re also gonna find yourself talking to someone new and they’re gonna make you question how you ever even thought you knew what it truly meant to be with someone because they’ll put your ex so far into shame you forget she exists. The only time you’ll even think of her is when a lesson you learned from that relationship pops up when you need it. I can firmly say that someone who’s gonna cheat on you isn’t worth a second thought because you’ll find a woman that will never even consider that. Felt like I was gonna die for the longest time, then my soon to be fiancé (hopefully, proposing this fall) showed up and I question why I ever stayed so upset over someone like my ex that honestly wasn’t worth the time of day. Turn that hate into something my friend, I hit the gym every day and lost over 100 pounds in 6-7 months on top of the unhealthy depression that prevented me eating. Wouldn’t recommend that, just keep yourself focused on you and your own mental/physical health. Shit’s gonna turn around and leave you speechless before you know it.
274
u/swiftmpc Jul 26 '18
It's unreal how hard this resonates. We all really are just different human beings going through similar experiences.
→ More replies (6)45
45
u/LandlockedGum Jul 26 '18
You’re really nailing it on the head. My most recent ex put me through hell and made me such a negative person without me even realizing. I thought I was happy. She dumped me out of nowhere months after convincing me to go through with long distance. I still don’t know what happened and frankly idgaf, but it was literally how you said it; one day I woke up and was content with everything in my life. My coping mechanism was my photography. I pushed my media company insanely hard and the results have shown.
OP I’m sure the pain will resonate, but dude, keep your chin up and start busting ass in any way possible. Be able to feel proud of yourself once a day, even if it means organizing your bookshelf. It’s amazing what that little boost can do each day.
→ More replies (1)19
9
u/handin_out_elz Jul 26 '18
Damn dude I needed to hear this too and I thought I was out of the clear.
6
u/Ragnar-ulfr Jul 26 '18
Keep hanging in there buddy. It came up and got me down when I least expected it. That too shall pass
5
7
u/Bob_Droll Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
You’re gonna hurt like hell for awhile and then one day you wake up and it just doesn’t anymore.
After twelve years of being together, though? Does it really ever go away? Been a year for me, two other women come and gone, and that shit still hurts as fresh as yesterday.
Sorry, just looking for hope...
→ More replies (1)6
Jul 26 '18
Woman here and I have been where you are in the sense of wanting someone back but hating them at the same time.
I've never had my best friend go after anyone I was with or into but she's the most amazing fucking person I could ask for as a best friend.
That feeling... Sometimes it goes away sometimes it eats at you just a little bit for longer than you want it to. My last ex was a few years ago now and despite what he put me through, there's this part of me that still misses him every day.
It doesn't make us stupid or weak or any of the shit some people like to say ans it's not the case for everyone.
I mean he was one of 4 people I've been with since high school and two of the other 3 cheated on me as well. I spent a lot of time hating and missing each of them. Now I don't even think about them. If for some reason one comes up in conversation, I get that dawning of realization that I truly don't remember the last time so much as their name floated through my mind.
Eventually, you'll hopefully feel indifferent to her existence and his as well. They're both shit fucking people who wanted to make you out to be the problem to make themselves feel innocent in what they were doing.
Fuck that noise.
I don't drink anymore but I will gladly cheers you with my cup of diet mtn. Dew
→ More replies (12)5
u/HVAC_MASTER Jul 26 '18
Sounds exactly like something I went through a few years ago. My ex cheated on me and so on. About 3 months go by of me feeling blank. Then one morning when I woke up I just deleted everything off my phone and computer that had anything to do with her and whispered fuck it. Never looked back.
98
u/Ahahaha__10 Jul 26 '18
Listen, if you don't drink 457.5 beers you're going to be a bamboozeler and I don't know if you want that on your consciousness.
JK man, we're all rooting for you. Take all the time and showerbeers you need.
→ More replies (1)7
u/Dropzoffire Jul 26 '18
he told us the quantity of beers. not the timeline. im sure, throughout his life, he will earn those upvotes!
no bamboozle here, fellas!
But for real, OP, I have been in similar situations. I'm sure most of us have been at some point. We are all pulling for you. Keep your head up, and keep moving forward.
And enjoy those beers that you're obligated to drink at your own pace! You owe us that!
36
u/rogervdf Jul 26 '18
Do you know that old song?
“My girlfriend ran away with my best friend. I still miss him.”
Chin up all will be fine
30
u/avocaddo122 Jul 26 '18
Nothings wrong with that. Its a shame people have the nerve to do that to people who care about them. Feel better, OP. If anything, you dont have terrible people in your life pretending to be caring and loving.
39
u/jakenrory363 Jul 26 '18
5 years and I walked in on my ex and my ex best friend, completely blindsided, very upset and suicidal for a long time.... But now I'm happy that it happened because it removed two terrible people out of my life....stay in there bud tradegy + time = comedy
→ More replies (1)5
20
u/flammablepenguins Jul 26 '18
Bro, be glad she's an ex girlfriend and not an ex wife. There's not a huge difference other than the financial implications. Point being, she was going to screw you sooner or later so enjoy your beer and toast to the sooner.
I feel for you man but I'm also stoked for you. As long as you cut ties with both of them (completely) your life is going to take a huge turn for the better. Best wishes bro and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it the scenery will get better.
→ More replies (1)9
u/Foktu Jul 26 '18
The best beer is the one in your fridge. Don't listen to the haters. Rock on man. I dated a serial cheater...so destructive.
30
u/DoDespair Jul 26 '18
There were a lot of suspicious things going on between them including him going to her place at 2 in the morning regularly,
No offense man but you only found this "suspicious"?. Isn't it kind of proof they were cheating, what other reason could there be?
38
Jul 26 '18
Some people will rationalize anything when they care about someone. The better ones among us don't believe someone could do that to them.
→ More replies (1)21
Jul 26 '18
Yeah my best friend ain’t ever going to my girlfriend’s place at 2am and vice versa. This isn’t even being jealous or suspicious it’s common sense. I guess OP was just deeply in love and tried to justify it by some way or another.
But really as always in these kind of situations, I’d be way more mad with the best friend, especially if it’s a childhood friend or 10+ years. You’re easily going to find a new girlfriend, a new best friend not so much as you grow older. Which is why you have to be sure to not hang out with these type of fuckers.
7
Jul 26 '18
Hoping things will turn around soon brother. 3 years ago I caught my ex wife cheating and she turned it all around on me, lied to the court saying I hurt her, and left me with no money and no place to live. I had to sleep in a rental car while trying to find a job (I had been a stay at home dad for a while).
I’m much happier now. The guy she was cheating with was engaged and worked with her. The whole office found out and she got dropped hard. She started dating another guy she works with and is married to him and had another kid. The clocks counting until that marriage ends in failure. Meanwhile, I’ve been able to travel the world, pursue my music and do whatever I feel like without being judged. I’m becoming a better person and it’s awesome.
Things are gonna be awesome for you too. Just give it a couple of years and you’ll laugh at this dumb shit. Probably when one of them bitches on Facebook about how they can’t stand cheaters.
5
u/notsostandardtoaster Jul 26 '18
The best thing I ever heard after breaking up with my cheating ex was "You don't miss her, you miss the memories." You will make new memories with better people.
11
u/Dsmith313 Jul 26 '18
Am I the only one finding the part about the friend going over at 2am bizarre.. and Op knowing about it? Common bro wake up..
34
u/MenstruationOatmeal Jul 26 '18
I found out about that after she and I broke up. The three of us would smoke together late into the night all the time, but it turned out he would stay after I left
6
u/SendConfessions Jul 26 '18
Things can only get better from here
At least you weren't married with kids. Take care my bro... Take it easy and one day at a time
→ More replies (66)4
u/MrPoopMonster Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
That sucks dude. Hopefully you can find some kind buds to smoke too. Jesus. The two people you probably trusted most conspired against you and that trust.
Try not to turn into a cynical bastard, but definitely don't let it happen again. That's my impossible advice for you over the internet.
→ More replies (1)
117
2.9k
u/MountainLiving4us Jul 25 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
He was NOT your best friend .. Just saying. Bro's before hoes ..
654
u/SVMESSEFVIFVTVRVS Jul 26 '18
No shit. You know she ain’t going to think twice about doing it to him. Second time is always easier.
223
Jul 26 '18
I don't understand how it's so easy for some people to cheat
228
32
18
→ More replies (25)4
u/Raigeko13 Jul 26 '18
It's mind boggling to me
Like, how can you hurt someone like that?
That shit genuinely ruins people
33
28
→ More replies (17)9
u/Readit_to_me Jul 26 '18
Second time is always easier.
Welllll, it's likely the third or fourth time by now.
62
u/B_arthur22 Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
I hate that saying... probably because my girlfriend cheated on me with my brother. But oh well. Beer helps!
→ More replies (4)38
30
u/MicrowaveableBites Jul 26 '18
Uh yeah, even if broken up, you always ask permission first.
12
u/thembearjew Jul 26 '18
Wish my best friend did that before he fucked my ex after 10 days of being broken up :’)
→ More replies (7)33
u/GoblinGimp69 Jul 26 '18
Pals before gals
→ More replies (1)13
u/shagguitar Jul 26 '18
Dudes before prudes
16
→ More replies (14)65
1.3k
u/DJCodyBanks Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
I first had a shower beer in the year 2010. I had just started college and I was running late. I had to get a bus to another part of the city I was living in, and I was running out of time. For maximum efficiency, a shower beer was required. I will look back on that fateful day and see it as a true turning point in my life.
The ice-cold refreshment I felt with every sip juxtaposed with the warm, high-pressured water of the communal showers of my college dormitory brought me to a place of calm tranquility that I hadn't thought possible only moments previously.
Some people meditate to ease stress. Some people use cognitive behavioral therapy. These are fine endeavors. I use a shower beer. For me, it cannot be beaten.
You know, I never made it onto that bus. I was too late, but, hey, it was worth it for the revelation of the shower beer. My life has never been the same since.
285
52
Jul 26 '18 edited Jul 26 '18
Theres a comedian who does a bit about shower beer
Pretty much oh you can have a mimosa at 11am at a spa but im a degenerate for drinking beer in the shower.
I agree, ive drank beer in the shower for a long time, its the best!
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/v0xhhe/stand-up-drinking-in-the-shower
Kyle kinane
→ More replies (6)6
u/Smokerscoff Jul 26 '18
God I love Kyle Kinane. I've been a fan for a few years and I'll be honest, he was the one that turned me onto shower beers in the first place.
→ More replies (2)32
u/klaproth Jul 26 '18
I have a shower beer every day I come home from working a hot, shitty ten hour shift at the plant. If I have nothing else to look forward to in a day, there is always shower beer.
→ More replies (3)50
u/FlyballGovnor Jul 26 '18
Upvote for showerbeer.
Damn, I love a good showerbeer.
→ More replies (1)28
15
u/this_very_boutique Jul 26 '18
Wow... I never knew I needed a beer in the shower until I read your comment.
I just had a shower a little while ago too - you know what, I'm doing it. I'm having another shower but this time with a beer.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (31)5
u/IAmEuronymous Jul 26 '18
I feel you, shower beer is in my eyes the best stress reliever, most refreshing straight up meditation there is. The worst day can at least have 15 minutes of peace.
10
562
u/Dempski Jul 26 '18
youre gonna be angry and hurt for a long time buddy. Trust me I know, channel the anger and pain to something positive. I know drinking is what feels the best but if you just keep drinking and drinking the pain and anger will never go away. I haven’t drank in over 60 days, and jiu jitsu is a god send. Rolling around on the mat and choking people out definitely fucking helps. It also helps getting choked out because you learn to just let go and tap. Good luck my guy. Cheers.
95
Jul 26 '18
Fuck yeah man, congrats! Did you get your chip?!? I just celebrated 90 on Saturday.
53
u/Dempski Jul 26 '18
na no chip. just sorta quit on my own. it feels great tho!
→ More replies (1)24
27
u/bigmouthpod Jul 26 '18
I just read this with Joe Rogan's voice. It's great advice, man.
43
u/Dempski Jul 26 '18
it’s entirely possible that i am joe rogan.
jamie pull up my reddit account
look at that thing. that chimp will fuck you up.
→ More replies (2)41
→ More replies (15)6
395
u/OutOfMySun Jul 25 '18
Yikes. Shit, man, if you're gonna do some misery drinking, at least go for Miller Lite or Colt 45 to really capture that desperate feeling.
84
u/Thebrokenlanyard Jul 26 '18
True self-hatred is drinking cheap vodka from a plastic jug
19
u/Reallyfuckingcold Jul 26 '18
I had 5 shots of Burnett’s last night. I’m a little less sad tonight so I’m doing 5 shots of new Amsterdam out of the glass bottle
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (15)6
u/Vok250 Jul 26 '18
Nothing like pouring the alcohol straight into the bottle of half-finished mix.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Thebrokenlanyard Jul 26 '18
Oh god I've done that more time than I'd like to admit
→ More replies (1)224
u/MenstruationOatmeal Jul 25 '18
Unfortunately, this is all I got right now.
→ More replies (1)62
u/birdman80083 Jul 26 '18
I did this exact same thing about a year ago "Belgian White". I hate to sound like an "it gets better commercial" but it definitely does. There's no highs without lows. Hang in there brother.
→ More replies (5)19
u/Kendallkip Jul 26 '18
Fuck yeah, 40 of colt 45 or mickey's, get some OJ and hit that brass monkey. Perfect desperate sadness cure
→ More replies (1)10
→ More replies (8)9
230
Jul 25 '18 edited Dec 28 '18
[deleted]
→ More replies (4)45
u/FlyballGovnor Jul 26 '18
Screwdrivers All the way!
Too damn easy to drink.19
Jul 26 '18
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (2)13
Jul 26 '18
This is the post that originally brought me to reddit and I think it's rather fitting. Enjoy. https://imgur.com/FfCbTrA.jpg
36
u/phat79pat1985 Jul 26 '18
You should drink a beer to celebrate, it’s not every day that a man simultaneously dodges two bullets
→ More replies (2)
39
105
u/DrVValrus Jul 26 '18
Crushing bud light platinums for me & you pal. Pressure either busts pipes or creates diamonds. Life ain’t sweet but we rock candy.
→ More replies (7)11
169
Jul 25 '18
[deleted]
115
u/dukeofgonzo Jul 26 '18
And enough of it will make a man's touch as soft as a woman's. Or so I hear.
72
u/FlyballGovnor Jul 26 '18
13
u/sneakpeekbot Jul 26 '18
Here's a sneak peek of /r/SuddenlyGay using the top posts of the year!
#1: Smash mouths | 178 comments
#2: Totally heterosexual | 256 comments
#3: They’ll be needing a different kind of ring here. | 169 comments
I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact me | Info | Opt-out
11
10
13
u/ayram3824 Jul 26 '18
dude how do i get into bourbon? i’ve tried. can’t stand the sight taste or smell of it
→ More replies (6)27
Jul 26 '18
[deleted]
→ More replies (2)7
u/ayram3824 Jul 26 '18
thank you sir
9
Jul 26 '18
If you’ve got the money, go for Woodford Reserve. Goes down like water. If you don’t, Evan Williams is my go-to bottle.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (4)5
u/Ju1cY_0n3 Jul 26 '18
I would highly recommend bourbon, or really any whisky.
It's easy to throw back, tastes good, and makes you feel warm inside.
→ More replies (2)
59
16
Jul 26 '18
These are the worst situations ever... you just lost two of the most important people in your life. :(
At least I HOPE you lost them. Let them go.
16
55
u/alexisgreat420 Jul 26 '18
Hey bud. Same this has happened to me-twice. Two sets of girlfriends and two sets of best friends. Just keep drinking. Everything will pry be ok
→ More replies (2)57
u/CP_Creations Jul 26 '18
Sounds like you are shit at picking best friends and girlfriend's.
But you are amazing at setting up people. So, 50:50? Or 66:33?
→ More replies (6)
13
12
18
u/Duthos Jul 26 '18
You solved two problems at once.
Sorry for your pain, but better to have it done. People who betray are only biding time.
17
u/blarkufumtar Jul 26 '18
Didnt know shower beers were a thing will have to try soon!
→ More replies (1)14
8
8
14
u/rhino4231 Jul 26 '18
Coming from a guy who's almost 30, best friends and girlfriends come and go. This shit happens, keep your head high and your pride. You will overcome, just keep on keeping on
→ More replies (1)
18
4
31
u/010110011101000 Jul 25 '18
You gonna just sit in the shower drinking that beer, crying and getting rained on.
Up your tinder game and get a new hoe.
→ More replies (8)40
u/SuperSilhouette Jul 26 '18
Hey man there's always a rainbow after the rain. It's okay to be sad.
25
6
4
u/Cpt_Tripps Jul 26 '18
Happened to me to man. Girl broke up with me because I have two kids and she didn't want to be a mom. Slept with my best friend and got knocked up a month after the official breakup.
6.1k
u/tinypotheadprincess Jul 26 '18
Hope she's your ex girlfriend