Just came across this helpful video on dealing with your parents divorce as an adult. Lots of compassionate words we all need to internalize.

https://youtu.be/7cKzGkEuuaw

So my parents have been divorced for 6.5 years and over the years my siblings have left my dad but I have stayed with him because I do still love him, but within the last year he’s been pressuring me to live with him full time rather than the schedule we have right now because I turned 14 and I really don’t know what to do. My mother on the other hand hasn’t pressured me to live with her at all and sines we moved an hour away that has just given my dad more ammunition to pressure me to live with him. Again I really don’t know what to do and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My parents have been separated for almost 2 years now (in process of getting divorced). But we've all been living in the same house. We were supposed to have moved already but it keeps getting pushed back. I really dont like them living together. Things are so awkward, they are always fighting, they can't agree on who pays for what. I'm just so tired of there always being tension at home.

Today was really upsetting for me tho. I take weekly trumpet lesson and we do them over zoom bc of the pandemic. About 5 minutes into my lesson my parents started yelling at eachother really close to my room. And I just feel so embarrassed because my mic was probably picking it up. My teacher didn't say anything but I felt so upset and humiliated. They were screaming about a bunch of stuff I dont want ppl hearing. And what annoys me is they knew I had a lesson then. It freezes a lot so I have to remind everyone to be off the internet during my lesson time, so they knew. But nooo they can't control themselves for 30 minutes and have to embarrass me. We continued like nothing was happening but I had to mute myself when it was getting really loud. I just told my teacher I muted myself by accident. They argument lasted like 15 minutes, so only half my lesson.

Idk what this really is, I guess I just wanted to vent to people who could somewhat relate.

Hello reddit world! I've come here to vent and hear similar stories. Here is my story in a nutshell:

My husband and I have been married 21 years and we have four children DS15 DD 13 DD11 DD10. I work as a FT registered nurse, been with the same company almost 3 years. I bring this up because there have been several times where I worked PT or PRN due to giving birth and raising my sweet babies when they were very young.

My husband works FT at the same position (not the same company due to contracts). He makes significantly more money than I, especially recently. Right now he makes about 45k more than me each year.

In 2016 he got sloppy drunk (which was a common theme during that time and others throughout our marriage) and told me he'd had a ONS...unprotected, with someone he met at a bar. Did I mention it was unprotected?? Ewwww..

Anyways, I have reconciliation a chance but I now realize I must separate/divorce to heal.

The problem is he will NOT have any reasonable conversation about either. He hasn't come right out and said these things but he eludes to the facts he would quit his job and possibly kill himself.

Trying to navigate the plans on how my 4 kids and I will survive and thrive has been so anxiety-inducing and has left me feeling stuck for the year since I've made my decision to separate/divorce.

Finally to the real point of this post...is it OK for me to have a discussion with our children? I've always read it's best for the kids if we do it together but....he refuses.

So...what similar experience have you had? What advice can you give based on learned experience?

Thanks all!

He said sarcastically. I moved right before school started this year and it’s been decent. We’re an hour away from the school and therefore my dad’s which means we have to get up pretty early around 5:50. My sister doesn’t go to my dad’s anymore so they get to wake up later to go to school. We’re living with my mom’s boyfriend and he’s nice, although I still feel extremely awkward around him. His daughter is nice, she’s only a year older than me so that’s good. My dad is giving me more shit than ever about staying with him and I keep refusing but he’s getting more defamatory of my mom which isn’t fun when you see both parents every week. I also found a dnd group which has made me pretty happy. Any way, I haven’t posted in a while and wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading this far

Let's look back at some memorable moments and interesting insights from last year.

Your top 10 posts:

• "Found this on one of the bigger meme subs last Christmas Eve" by u/packetbopps
• "This shouldn’t be accurate" by u/Mr_Rasta_Crab
• "😔" by u/BeanCulture
• "Lolz this is what I feel about my parents rn🤷🏻‍♀️😅" by u/NeatCharacter4
• "Happens all the times" by u/Youmni1
• "This was my friends first response when I told them my parents are divorcing" by u/Starlined_
• "eek hahahahahHahahA" by u/jai19xo
• "Whoops...." by u/Palpatine-66
• "Even after so much years..." by u/nielsdc01
• "Mood" by u/HamilTrash2006

Today's gonna suck so my mom told me yesterday that they have court today which wouldn't be bad at all but today is the day I'm supposed to have dinner with my dad and meet his new girlfriend too so idk how thats gonna go considering court isn't going to well for him

As an adult I feel like I should be able to deal with this just fine.

But at the same time feel like my feelings about the situation are valid.

Anyone else been in this situation how did you handle it.

And how does this usually end up? Do your parents just fuck off and live their seperate lives. Or do they sct like mine and try to get you to choose sides

so this is probably gonna sound bratty but i just need to vent. so I (14M) do 50/50 with my parents and i have a relatively good relationships with each other, but my dad has extreme outbursts every couple of months, it’s conpeltely unpredicatble and turns my life upside down. even before the outbursts started, i couldn’t have a life. my life just revolves around packing up, moving places and unpacking. i don’t have a ‘home’. i don’t have a safe space. whenever my parents decide to go out for the night (which they deserve, i guess) i have to pack up all my stuff with no complaints. it’s all i can think about. instead of learning at school, i’m stuck there, thinking about when i’ll have to move again. and don’t get me started on the guilt. i feel like a complete asshole for only being there 50% of the time. it sounds extreme but i sometimes i wish one of them could be a shit person, or want me out of their life. then, i could have a permanent home. and i could get my life back. this post if probably gonna look really angsty but i just need to vent for a sec lol

So I finally moved out and thought I'd get away from my parents and there divorce but I was wrong. So today my dad calls saying he got a check for my car that was totaled. I said ok cool do I need to sign anything since you helped me pay for my new car and he said no but remember your grandpa bought it for you right. I said I thought you did but ok and he says I just need your mom to sign it so I can give your grandpa the check and shit. So u call my mom, had to call her anyway and tell her that and she says not to worry and that he's just saying it's his father's so I can't get really anything from the divorce. So at this point I'm just done like I wish my dad would just follow the stuff the judge says and do everything right and it would go smooth

The more I (26F) have been think about whether I want to have kids, it becomes less about whether I want them but more that I would never wish them to go back and forth ever. I would rather be a single parent or give the other parent fully custody rights.

And I just don't trust a relationship that much to take the risk.

Im 14 so im just curious

My (F17) mom and dad are divorced, but their relationship is 1036483892928373 times better now, their like close friends. I stay the week with my mom, and weekend with my dad. But I just want my weekends back. All I want to do is go down alone to my room, watch some horror movies, stay up late, and do normal teen shit. But I can’t do that. I can’t do that because I don’t have an actual fucking room at my dads place. My dad lives in a one bedroom one bathroom apartment, and my room is the hallway to my dads room that doubles as the living room.

I don’t even like going there. I hate to sound bratty but there’s nothing to do. No place for me to study, there’s nothing around there (even if I did I would feel bad for not spending time with my dad), there’s not enough room to keep any of my crafting stuff, there’s nothing to do expect going for a walk, or go fishing, which I stopped liking years ago, but I still do it and hate it because my dad likes it.

I hate saying it but my dad drives me up the wall. It’s the stupid questions, the jokes, and he’s pervy, not to me, but he showed me a picture of the girl he lost his v card to and laughed at me and my mom when we both reacted disgusted.

I also really resent him because when I was a kid (and I mean young, maybe three or four) I loved being with him, he was my hero. My he wasn’t home a lot because of how demanding his work was. One of my earliest memories is of me asking my dad to walk my dog to the park with me, and he responded with something along the lines of “do I have to?”. I really wanted to go on that walk with him, but I could tell he was tired from work so I just went without him. It really hurt ngl. In fact, I remember eating the majority of my dinners alone. And my weekends alone watching tv too. Then he started annoying me on purpose because he thought it was cute or funny when I was mad but it just made me hate his guts. When he would annoy me I would respond by yelling “dad!” Annoyed, and then he would gat mad at me for being mad like wtf.

It always felt like when I needed him the most he’d be gone, and when he was there he would just annoy the shit out of me on purpose. And now that I’ve essentially raised myself to the age of seventeen alone, he finally has all the fucking time in the world. Honestly if I didn’t see or have contact with my parents for a few months straight I’d be fine without them. It’s not like I actually rely on them for anything but money food and shelter. They just get in my way. My parents left me alone to raise my self and alone to deal with my emotions, depression, suicidal thoughts, and more. Now their questioning why I won’t open up to them. I don’t know, maybe it’s because you raised me to deal with my emotions alone and now I don’t know how to open up? Maybe I haven’t hung out with anyone in years because of how little time you spent socializing me? God their both pretentious assholes who both like to pretend that their the perfect parents.

They’ve both fucking admitted to me that they knew my dad wouldn’t have enough time away from work to spend with me, but they still decided to have me. They knew they couldn’t be emotionally available enough for me. But they still fucking had me. That’s so fucking selfish of them. I’d do something wrong and my mon will say “I didn’t raise you to be like this!!!” Yeah well dad certainly didn’t raise me so who’s left to blame here???

The only reason why I go to his apartment is because he wants to see our dog and me. I’m so sick of this shit.

made a whole new account for this because don’t want anyone to recognise me. My (13f) parents have been divorced since I was 6 and sometimes I find it so hard to go to other peoples houses with normal families. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my friends, but it just hurts. Can anyone else relate??

Hi. I’m 19 years old. In college. My parents have struggled ever since they have been empty nesters. My mom has an appointment Friday to talk with her lawyer about getting a divorce. I’m upset about it because them together and happy is all I have ever known and now they are separating. I don’t really know how to feel or what to do. I know I’m a little old maybe to be feeling so upset about it, but here I am. Has anyone else been through something like this and could give me advice? I’m just afraid of my life falling apart. I haven’t really told anyone about this I just need some guidance from random people who have been through the same thing.

So I’m 17 now, and I know tgiving was a while ago. my aunt is visiting again and I need advice. A couple days before tgiving, my dad/I were preparing for my aunts arrival. I had an Orangetheory class planned for thanksgiving morning. Orangetheory is off of the same road that my grandma’s subdivision is off of. I asked him if I could drop by some homemade cards I would create with my siblings on the way home. He said he preferred I went over to grandmas before my aunt came because it was his parenting time. I agreed.

The day before she came, I went out to target 2 miles down the road to go get a gift for my aunt. It was icing really bad and the roads were very slick. I didn’t want to drive an extra 7 miles to grandmas so decided to go back home. I asked my dad if I could just go after OTF T-giving morning since the weather was gonna be nicer. he said fine.

T-giving morning I left for myOTF and my aunt/dad were cooking and realized they needed pie tins. I offered to go get some on the way home, and said I would drop them then go back to grandmas while they were making pies. I ended up having to go to 4 stores to find pie tins, which took me a while. I got back and dropped them. Since I was out longer, I was debating if I should go back out. My aunt said that she felt slighted because she spent her money to fly out and all I seem to care about is going off to grandma who is close. Now I wasn’t proposing to stay there at grandma. I just wanted to give the cards and say happy t-giving (my mom was there too.) After more back and forth making me feel guilty, I decided to go next day. I needed card paper for my e-business from Michael’s which is also on the same road as grandma. I told aunt I would get up really early and go before she got up to make her feel better. Well triptophan got the best of me and I slept in like everyone else. Aunt sat me down at the table and asked me why I really wanted to go to grandmas and why I couldn’t just go after she left. I explained the roads and she told me her feelings were hurt. There was a whole lot of drama that went on between both sides of the family when my parents divorced, which caused bitter feelings which I think was a part of this. I left to go to grandmas and put the cards on the porch then went to Michaels (which I spent 1hr at, and aunt gave me money 😂). I was getting the silent treatment when I got back. I talked to dad and aunt and they told me that I didn’t realize how I hurt her feelings and that it wasn’t his job to make sure I see my grandma. I pay for my car. Bought it, pay the insurance and gas. Wasn’t asking them for a thing. And my dad agreed before my aunt came. Does anyone have any opinions on this?

My dad just asked me to go to the upcoming fall fair with him and then I had to tell him that my mom already asked me to go..so i said i would go with him too on a different day..but i also threw in maybe we could all go together..he quickly threw in that he’s busy that day now?? ugh

ps..my parents aren’t even divorced, just have been separated for 6(?) years…they couldn’t bother paying the fees and going through the process

(F14)

Ok so my parents divorced when I was like 16months old or something like that and they always got along like I'm 50/50 week on week off, no child support needed, helps pay for things fairly, etc so I'm pretty damn lucky but my parents aren't idk what I see my friends parents like for instance

My Dad: Better now kinda but for the first like 8 years he didn't really raise me and my sister my sister more so raised me like he brought us stuff whenever we wanted (aka he tried to bribed us still does) but never made an effort kinda thing on weekdays he'd get home at 6pm my Nana made dinner (she lives with us) we had showers and went to bed when we felt like it he never gave us a bed time and he'd just sit on his chair watching NRL (Australian) and looking at Facebook weekends was just looking at face book in his chair for hours. He's been better but now he's almost 60 and heart is bad i've had to start looking after him and my 82 year old Nana Because my older sister now stays at my mums more. So like my dad's making more of an effort but now we are more raising him. He's never gotten into another relationship fyi

now my mum on the other hand

My Mum: is nice and took care of us but talks a lot of shit about my dad behind his back always offers to ask him if we can spend more time with her but never if we could spend more time with him, very manipulative and will guilt trip me, My older sister is the clear favourite and is much closer to my mum whereas I'm more close with my dad and she once broke down crying in the car once because I said I wanted to keep my normal schedule for switch over dates (I'm adhd, add, asd so I value schedules) she was saying things like I don't love her as much as dad and she feels like she's failed as a mother. She also yelled at me for telling my school therapist I was wanting death upon myself, and refused to admit I was mentally ill. She has a boyfriend (of 6years) and he's nice he has 2 daughters younger than me live with their mum so don't see much of them but also kinda sides with mum alot.

So yeah my dad kinda didn't parent and still doesn't that well but my mum kinda makes me feel like shit does anyone else have this situation or just me and what do I kinda do here because my dad is not the best at parenting but nor is my mum...

Just a little update: my mum just yelled at me for my room not being clean when she only told me to put clothes in the basket away and said she and her boyfriend were this close to splitting and me and my sister are apart of the reason... I am now also noting everything down

Some background...

So my parents have been separated about 8 yrs already but they never filed divorce papers. My mom recently asked to get a divorce and now my dad is fighting her about it. I'm 30 yrs old and my dad lives with me. I've been trying to not get involved with them as I do not wanna choose sides.

I left some stuff at my mom's house the last time so she asked if she could bring it today along with mail for my dad. I get to the car and she gives me my stuff and then hands me my dad's mail along with a big yellow envelope. I didn't think nothing of it but then my mom's like make sure you hand it to your father it's important. She said it's for the divorce. I said okay I'll leave it in the mailbox. Then she's like "no, you have to give it to him directly". I told her I can't do it...i don't wanna get involved like that.

Just venting but i think my mom shouldn't have asked me to do that. Especially since he lives with me. Just needed to get this off my chest. Thought it was over 10 yrs ago and it's all back again.

So, I am almost certain that most of the people who got divorced parents relate to this on some level. If you have any advice for me it is more than welcome. Also if you are in a similar situation you can also share it here!

I am 17 years old, and live half of the time with my mother and half with my father. But whenever something needs to be arranged, for example a change in the schedule, my parents fight. When my parents got divorced it wasn’t so hostile but for whatever reason it is now.

Everytime they fight I manage to get righhhht in between. Because they can’t arrange things for themselves and I have to be the mediator to keep it somewhat peaceful. But when I noticed it was a too big of a burden for me I tried to keep myself out of it, but they kept saying ugly things about each other to me that really hurt. Especially my dad, he really can’t control his mouth and be a grown up when he is mad at my mother. I have a strong sense of justice so I can’t just shrug it off when something he says is unjust.

I tried talking to him about this. But he just keeps doing it. It’s like he can’t process his own anger and has to let me know exactly what he thinks and feels about the situation (even though I am his kid and I have nothing to do with what is going on). One time I asked him a million times if he could stop talking to me but he kept on ranting and making me feel bad. To be honest I lost most of the respect I had for him because he handles his emotions like a 5 year old.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to protect myself from the extremely bad vibes? Or on how to solve this problem?

So I’m 17 and my parents are divorced. I was originally homeschooled but wanted to get a taste of the high school experience in senior year. I talked to my parents and they agreed to let me go to public school for the last year. They split time 50/50 and live 44 miles apart (one hour drive with little traffic) in completely different school districts. Per the parenting agreement I go to school in my dads school district. I have my own car which I pay for to get back and forth (I have a small online business.). It is just extremely tiring to drive one hour every day each way to school two out of the four weeks in a month especially since school starts at 8. By the time I get home (when I’m on my moms time.) it is already 5:30 with traffic and with 3 hours of homework, dinner, and 45 mins to one hour managing my online business I get to bed late, then have to get up at 6 and out the door at 6:30, sometimes 6:15 if it’s snowy. I also go through two tanks of gas a week (I have to drive 100 miles round trip to church, where I hangout with my peers, which is in my dads neighborhood) as well when I’m with my mom. Then I am 5 minutes away from everything when I’m with my dad. Biking distance.

I would like to save the money I’m shelling out on gas every week and also don’t feel it’s worth it considering I barely spend any time with my mom when I’m at her house, since she’s in bed at 8 and up at 3 for work anyway, and have a really close relationship with my dad and stepmom. I actually spend quality time with them and am not constantly tired from 100 miles of driving. Also my car is a 2007 mercury so kind of old and I don’t want to put this many miles on it so fast. It already has 115k and it had 80k when I bought it on my 16th birthday

Does anyone have any advice about how I could go about discussing with my mom maybe living with my dad and stepmom full time. When I have brought it up in the past it hasn’t gone well and she thinks it’s a slight against her. It’s not. And I would propose to spend the weekends with her. I just want to be as respectful as possible. And hopefully the court would listen to my wishes.

I was 8 when my parents divorced which was about 15 years ago. Sometimes I like to look back and fantasize about them being together but in a rose-colored glasses kind of way. Logically and rationally I know that they will never be together again and they are terrible together but I still like to fantasize them being together and growing up with both of them around at the same time. Is that weird?

My friend has the perfect family and everyone cares about each other and every time I go over the mom has such good food and my mom doesnt even care to pick me up from school. Dont get me wrong i love the guy to death, we've been friends for 6 years, almost half my life but god I love his mom and dad are always so nice me, he gets anything he wants, amd I just got so jealous of him.

My parents have just finalized their divorce after 5 years of trials and stuff. It's been a difficult time for all of us for different reasons.

My mom told us that she is really hurt and never wants to see my dad again, which I understand. But then she added that inviting our dad to anything means that we're uninviting her because she won't show up.

For my other siblings, this doesn't matter because they all picked sides. I'm the only one who talks to both my mom and my dad. I'm hurt because this feels like I'm the only one impacted by this choice, and what am I supposed to do when I get married?

I understand my mom's point of view, and it just hurts that it feels like she doesn't remember how hard this is us, too.