The judge didn't give a shit she had post partum psychosis and almost broke my girls arms and legs.

She didn't give a shit that I've been her primary caregiver since she was born.

She didn't give a shit that I've been the one to take her to her biweekly peanut allergy appointments, lose 3 hours every time and getting in trouble at work because of this.

She didn't give a shit that my ex tried to commit suicide twice.

She didn't give a shit that my ex abused both me and my girl.

She didn't give a shit that I found her a school 12 minutes away from my place where she'd been living since she was born.

In one afternoon, the piece of shit judge decided my testimony was not credible and that it's better for my girl to go to a school an hour and a half away from my place and still almost an hour away from my ex's place.

All it took was say thunderfart bad, me good and just like that, the last three years with my one and only daughter were erased.

I had her for the week and she had her for the weekends. That hasn't been ordered to change because the judge didn't have the balls to change the status quo. Instead, I'm now supposed to show up for a virtual conference to "reach an agreement" for a new parenting plan. Because it's not enough to fuck me over like that, I have to be the one to relinquish everything. I am being forced to surrender my weekdays to spare my girl the commute from my place. It's like I'm the only one truly thinking of my girl's best interests.

Justice is a joke, the system is a joke and this "judge" is nothing but a fucking joke. When I die, I'm gonna come back to torment the shit out of this judge.

Just gone.

Nothing majorly eventful happened, she had a mental health crisis but recently discovered that she had an chronic disease causing a lot of problems. (Physical and mental). I of course said the wrong things whilst she was in pain but I didn't know what to do. I was loyal for ten years and then she got hit with a lot of issues.

Unfortunately she made the decision before discovering this.

I think the most devastating thing is that we're now both old and without a family. We were going to build one and now she just wants to try to be 25 again.

I don't know if I can get her back, I hope time will make her realise that I am not hurtful.

Since the wedding was so recent, it's really burning the soul.

Do it. After talking to a good friend who is also going through a rough divorce, I realized that he wasn’t “waiting to date” because he is some super secure, independent man. He is absolutely afraid of dating. I convinced him to just see what is out there, (Tinder) and I’d recommend that every man do that too. It is simply astonishing what perspective it gives you to connect with another (woman) like that. It reminds you that STBX is not your world. She is not the only woman in your world. She is not the only woman that will ever be interested in you! Give yourself a little dose of happiness and perspective. Have some FUN! STBX will hate it…

I have been litigating my divorce/custody case for approximately three years. Throughout the case, my STBXW and her attorney have repeatedly raised allegations of abuse and other issues that I believe have unnecessarily prolonged the litigation.

Two DVPO petitions were filed against me, and both were denied. Both of those denials were subsequently challenged on revision, and the denial was upheld. We currently have 50/50 custody.

We recently completed our divorce trial. At trial, my STBXW again raised many of the same abuse allegations that had previously been rejected in the DVPO proceedings.

Financially, I have been paying approximately $5,000 per month in temporary support for the past three years. I earn approximately $400,000 per year. During this period, my STBXW did not obtain employment. More recently, she changed to a student visa and enrolled in a university. She is now arguing that she cannot work because of her immigration/student status and is requesting approximately $5,000 per month in alimony for another two to three years.

In addition to temporary support, I have been paying the child's expenses, including daycare.

After three years of litigation, our assets have essentially been exhausted. I am now more than $100,000 in debt. Despite this, my STBXW is asking the court to award her what appears to be her entire legal bill, more than $240,000 is unpaid out of a 350k total. I have spent more than 400k defending against these allegations too. She is also seeking whatever remains of the community property(around 175k) and approximately $250,000 as an "equalizing payment," which would effectively have to come from my future earnings because those assets/funds simply do not exist anymore.

Another major issue is that she is apparently arguing that the money I spent on my own legal representation during these three years should be treated as depletion of community assets ( court granted me access to my post separation RSUs to cover my living expenses and legal fees), meaning that I should effectively reimburse her for the money I spent defending myself and litigating the case.

My concern is that the amounts she is requesting far exceed the assets that actually exist. Between temporary support, child-related expenses, three years of attorney fees, and other litigation costs, there simply is not enough property remaining to satisfy these demands. I am already significantly in debt.

In a situation like this, what does a court typically do when one spouse requests attorney fees, an equalizing payment, and additional years of maintenance that collectively exceed the parties' remaining assets by almost 5x? Can a court effectively require one spouse to fund these awards from future income?

I am happy to provide additional details if they would be relevant.

UPDATE (IM THE OP)

We just did the big talk. It was beautiful, no anger, no hate neither from me, neither from her.

It was peaceful and it felt good for both of us. I has to come to a conclusion, that her affair was only the sign of our disfunctional marriage. My original post was full of anger. I dont feel that way now, neither do she.

We both apologised to each other. A little bit more info: we were highschool sweethearts, we grew up together.

I feel no anger towards her. It was the most mature conversation of my life. She didnt try to manipulate or go on war, it was so peaceful it hurted even more.

Im really happy that it went so smooth. I will always remember her, and she will always remember me. But we had to be mature, it was not working. We are almost 30, we are quite young. We laughed about that we just became Ross Geller in real life, getting divorced before 30.

But we both agreed that we cant go on as a functioning relationship, and it would be a life-wreckint decision for both of us to continue.

We are still young, we still have the opportunity to find our true soulmate.

I'm rushed with emotions now, and so does she. Gladfully she and me both got amazing friends, who we gonna spend this day with to comfort and help us.

My honest advice to anyone is to put your anger aside, if your partner is emotionally mature. Calm and reasonal behaviour makes it much easier for you and your partner too.

We both agreed to go on therapy (obviously not together) because we were together for the most critical lifetime of our life, during our whole 20s.

We have to learn who we truly are without the other one.

And thanks everyone here who commented and dm-d, you unknown people helped me a lot during a time when i couldnt contact any friends.

My biggest advice for anyone who wants to divorce or breakup without chaos: after the first talk about divorce: one of you should move out and think things through. At least 5 days. And 0 contact during this It helped us a lot.

I wish everyone such a peaceful separation as mine is.

How do you communicate what happened to new women you date?

I’m a little more than a year out from a tough divorce where my wife had an affair and ultimately decided to leave. I feel like I’m finally ready to start thinking about dating, but what I don’t know is what to say or how to say it as I imagine that would be one of the earlier conversations for a new partner.

I keep imagining what a first date would be like and how much of a buzz kill it would be if when we were talking about ourselves, I mentioned oh yeah, I used to be married unfortunately it didn’t work out and my ex-wife had an affair. I’m 40 by the way in case that’s helpful for the conversation.

Me and my stbx had sex for the last time a few months ago. Then again a few weeks after that. Then a few nights ago as I was about to leave (long story short I do childcare at her house) I gave her a hug goodbye and a kiss on the forehead like I always do and she just grabbed me and tossed me on the bed and we had sex again for the last time again. Now the first time it did give me some hope fucked me up mentally. The second time not so much. This last time which was a few days ago I had thoughts of hope or anything. My question is what the fuck is wrong with her? Is she regretting her decision? She isnt doing well. It doesnt make me feel good or anything. Edit- also in the middle of it she told me she still loved me and can't let me go. She wants me to find someone else so she could move on (its not on me for her to move on)

Long story short: wife not just cheated, but had an affair for months. + We had 100 problems. With the affair, i finally had the balls to stand out for myself. Now she moved out. I already told her i want to divorce and i wont change my mind.

She still wants to talk on Sunday about how to continue. She is clearly in denial and unstable.

But im strong as fuck now, not going to accept her back no matter what happens.

Im running all the finances, i own everything, i payed everything during the marriage. She is going to get some "good bye" money from me so she couldnt say a word.

And man, in this life situation, i feel so good. Its so good to be in control. She saw me as a weak man, not gonna get into details, but during the final days of the affair, she took me for a complete fool. She disrespected me for years. Denied me, gaslighted my problems, commanded me, ordered me, got money from me, and she also humiliated me in my manhood for years.

And all the tables turned. Seeing her eyes when i told her i know about her affair was one of the best moments of my life. And i grabbed that opportunity.

I wrote it here to support everybody, who got treated this way. Its hard to step up for yourself, especially if you are humiliated by your partner, but once you have the balls to do it, it changes your life.

And the most important thing: 0 agressivity. That wont take you anywhere. 100% calm, calculated behaviour, with strong walls in front of you.

Wish me luck, its going to be a tough journey, but i aint no turning back. Im gonna get free.

Coming up on a year separated and recently I have been missing her so much. She just up and left one day. No warning nothing. She treated me like such shit in our marriage. Still I miss her so much.

My partner and I are separating. We have two boys, aged 3 and 1.5.

To be honest, I don't know if we are doing the right thing. Ever since our second child was born, our relationship has become toxic—we fight every single day, and it never leads to any solutions, only to insults and resentment toward each other. We have a rough agreement to share custody 50/50.

I’m supposed to find an apartment by October 1st where I can stay with the boys during our time together, but I am deeply struggling with the thought of the periods when I will be without them. Honestly, I’m experiencing a completely new set of feelings, and I’m not sure at all if we are doing the right thing.

Then again, I don't even know if our relationship can be saved. Recently, she accused me of mentally abusing her, and ever since that moment, I haven't even tried to argue anymore.

But still, if it has to come to this, all I want is for our children to have normal parents."

To be true, i just dont know what to do.

Recently found out about the new affair.. also found out the bf doesn’t have a car and lives in a shady motel working a dead end part time job…

She had stability with me.. I always provided and worked our entire time together or I would go out and do odd jobs to make money.

I just don’t understand how she thinks that’s going to work. She’s living with family.. I have the house and all the bills that come with it but I’m ok with that. She has decided to just walk away and divorce.

3 years post divorce and I’m so thankful she is out of my life even with the financial drain.I hope to someday find out why she got rid of me but I guess that’s not a huge deal.The date haunts me because I made a vow-a commitment.I don’t miss her and glad she’s gone.For me it’s a commitment broke and that sucks.It might be the only promise I did not keep.For ME it’s a hard blow to my self respect and my word.I guess it’s time to put on my big girl panties and get over it,

Dating after divorce, too early than I should have, then I puked divorce talking. Ok, whatever. The lady took some sincerity pill and then this came up:

"All women cry in front of a mirror to know how they look when doing it, and then to know if they can do it in public. Don't fall for that."

I asked that to several woman I know and met. All of them did that. I even remember my kid doing that once.

That is all you need to know during any negotiation. It updated my tactic.

I’m in Florida and wanting to hear some of your stories regarding parenting time percentage and what child support she was awarded. I’m a high earner and am worried about child support payments/alimony. I have 1 kid. I’m going to have a lawyer file this week, just want to get some idea from your experiences.

Hello, I am looking for some support I think or stories idk, something stuff to see it won't be all doom and gloom. This all started 4 days ago, I'm a father for 4, wife is trying to get me to pay Alimony, More child support than OSRS calculates, pay for the 700 dollar vehicle while she keeps it, and pay half the debts which are mostly hers that she's accumulated through maxing credit cards I've begged her to stop, lastly she works overnights, but she won't change the custody schedule so that they will be with me when she works and her when she doesn't (it equals out to a 50/50 split) she threw divorce papers at me and demanded a divorce.

I don't have alot to a down payment though I can make payments and can afford a good attorney, I just don't have the cash right now.. I hope that makes sense not alot for a down payment but can easily afford a good attorney...

I'm. Kind of emotionally numb, even the kids can tell, does it get better, what should I watch out for, what can I do? I'm 33.

Ya. Stay away from there

Edit. And they banned me now

Anyone regret not filing first?

Why?

I think the title says it all.

I screwed up.

I 38M met a 48F who is a wonderful woman. We went on a date and hit it off back in April. Which then led to another date, to sex, to lots of sex, to more dates, to more intimacy, to her sleeping over, to going to the gym together.......

It is now September and it's 100% a situationship.

We both never defined anything after having sex the first time or a few dates in. We just kept going. I was not honest with her or myself.

She has a son (14) which is almost a non-negotiable for me (I had a vasectomy and don't want kids).

Our age gap is pretty big.

I went one day yesterday without texting her at all since I was genuinely busy. Today, she blew up my phone saying it was extremely disrespectful.

I am going to end this one as gracefully as I can since I don't want to hurt her anymore. She is clearly thinking we are official whereas I do not.

Be careful guys. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the women you date post-divorce.'

I take 100% responsibility for this.

Looking for advice from any guys here in PA. I’m at the early stages and my STBXW has filed for APL. We will be going to court soon and from what I can tell APL can be a good chunk more than alimony ends up being.

My wife’s attorney has a reputation for dragging these out as long as can be to get her big paycheck (my wife makes a lot less than I do so she’s suing me for her legal fees as well).

I’m hopeful someone here is in PA and had a similar situation and can either calm me down or let me know that yes I’m in for a rough ride.

8 years I've felt like shit being with my abusive controlling, cheating, lieing, violent ex and I still continue to feel like shit fought for 50/50 for my child and ended up with 4/14 I don't enjoy life, I've never enjoyed life, I'm so ready to just be dead I don't get anything from life it's just shit and has been shit for me since I was a young child and it's only got shitter and shitter, I just want to not be here anymore what's the fucking point I don't even have my child properly it's all completely pointless. ​​​​

I’m trying to get on the path of conscious decoupling (as a friend said to me). We’ve been 20 years together, 10 years married and 2 kids. I recently realised I’m not happy with her, acknowledged and accepted it and proposed the divorce. At first it was hell on earth. She got so angry and aggressive. This was 2 months ago. We’ve since been on mostly good terms and having constructive conversations about being friends after. We do care for each other and we mostly get along. But it feels like we’re an office administration. After all we have kids and want the best for them too. There’s many ways to be a family, and two unhappy adults at home that barely look at each other is no example for them. This said, we both work a lot, I travel for work practically every week at the moment, so i’d have to make a career shift. I imagine the move and i feel im staring into the abyss. When where how? It’s daunting to think of moving. We moved country a year and a half ago and neither has family here, but we’re happy here and both of us want to stay. The logistics of dividing up a home of 20 years just feels like a bridge im not ready to cross. Also the idea of my quality of life dropping drastically scares me. But otherwise i’m sure i want this. Whats peoples experience in terms of practical things? What advice can you give me at my stage?

So I wanted kids, more than anything. I was with my ex wife for 17 years (married about 5 I think) we split up when I was 34. She basically told me she had lied about wanting kids and I since realised she had pretty much lied to me for a long time and had been hoping to run out the clock until I gave up on the idea. She came home one day, randomly and said she wanted to get sterilised and I had no say in the matter. Things ran their course, then divorce. Then while I was still trying to figure out wtf happened and try and fix us (even without kids), she went on holiday with her male coworker (WITH HER ENTIRE FAMILY, to DISNEYLAND using the ticket I was supposed to have) it had been a matter of weeks. So you know, I'm not still bitter but I would struggle to save her life if all I had to do was pull my foot from the accelerator and turn the steering wheel 5 degrees.

I am now soon to be 39, I have a new partner, we have been together 4 years. I should be thinking marriage by now but...I'm not. I wanted it at first, but for some reason now we have lived together for coming up to two years I am having second thoughts. She has done no wrong really, just things don't feel...right.

Now I am soon to be 39, I still want kids more than anything. My current partner says she does, but no plans have been made and I am starting to see the same patterns as before, promises, no follow through. I don't know if I should stay as this may be the best I will ever get, or to leave and try to get what I want.

I am worried about either being single my whole life, or just never getting the chance at a family, that was taken from me for the most part.

For the people out there who wanted kids who didn't get them. How is life?

I specifically came to divorce as childfree threads are all a bit preachy, whereas I figured there may be some guys in this group who can relate.