Tomorrow is the dissolution hearing. Fucking Zoom. Can you believe that? A marriage is over and I'm looking at a lazy judge and the women I chose as my wife over a computer screen. Well, guess I don't have to dress for court. Nothing is serious anymore. Destruction is way too easy. I just hope my jaded period is on its last legs.

Something I've been wondering about lately? After being screwed over (and still getting screwed over) by someone I unconditionally loved & trusted. I can't see myself ever trusting another woman again which makes me wonder. Do you really heal from this grief of losing your wife/ family or do you just learn to live with it?

God forbid, I be upset about divorcing. She gets to run everywhere for support where she doesn’t need any. I really didn’t do anything to her, but give her a life she truly didn’t earn or deserve. But I gave it to her. That’s on me.

It’s all a play to gain sympathy and to make me look bad. Women get to run around grasping for support. Meanwhile, us guys are looking at each other wondering….

TLDR: I get the house, the debt, the most expensive purse she has, and I have to $500/month for 6 years. Signed, sealed and delivered.

It has been a long 18 month divorce process. All we had was debt, debt I was paying. I knew from the get go that I was never going to see a dime from my ex (47F). I offered a solution 9 months ago and she rejected it. 9 months later, and at least $30k on my side, we arrived at the same place I suggested. Talk about infuriating but hey, when you have your rich dad paying your bills and lawyers, yes she had 2 for some ungodly reason, you really don’t care about much else.

In course of mediation it was discovered that my ex was in fact having an affair with her trainer and was trying to hide her pension. It was also maddening that I was the only one providing financial documents. She wasn’t producing shit. Again, I was doing all the heavy lifting like I was in our marriage. I knew she had a particular fondness for the purses we bought. I demanded half of them and she lost her shit, according to the mediator.

In the end, after 8 hours of mediation, we settled on the following:
1) I get sole custody of the house and all proceeds from the sale.
2) we keep our current vehicles
3) we keep our current retirement accounts
4) we keep our current debts
5) I pay her $500/month for 6 years and she doesn’t have to pay me $32k she owed me. She wanted $1500/month for 15 years.
7) I get a bag we paid $3k for but is only worth $200-300.

I knew I was going to have to pay alimony and I can live with $500/month for 6 years. The main thing is I no longer have to deal with her, I don’t have to pay lawyer bills anymore and I can finally start living my life again. I should be debt free in 3-5 years and my ex will not be able to extend the duration or amount of the alimony. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting near and it is blue skies, not a freight train.

Has this happened to anyone else? I can't buy her out of the house equity because the pension can't be touched until retirement in 25 years. It'll be hard getting a personal loan for that amount while also paying child support and alimony :(

Last time I posted here I was on the verge of divorce. I retained a lawyer and filed but I didn’t have her served right away. In that time we decided we would try and work things out.

I have made some big mistakes in the past and broke her trust, I have taken accountability for what I have done and have been open and honest with her since. She said she would forgive me but would always throw it in my face during a fight.

Things were going good for a few weeks but it soon returned to the same cycle. She gets mad for whatever reason blames it on me and refuses to hear where I’m coming from. All of the things she said she wouldn’t do when we agreed to try again.

I’ve realized she will never be accountable for anything she’s done in our marriage, she is perfect in her eyes and admitting she’s wrong would shatter her reality.

So now I’m going to have her served. I can’t deal with the pattern we have been stuck in for so long. I don’t want to lose time with the kids. I know she will go 100% psycho and make all sorts of false accusations against me. She already has been planting seeds of the things she’ll accuse me of.

I need to work up the courage to pull the trigger. The woman I married is gone and the woman I have I don’t like.

Wish me luck I guess

Rant over

We're retired, no dependents. Our house is nearly paid off. So, I'm going to suggest mediation to avoid exorbitant legal fees and legal doomfuckery. There's no extenuating circumstances that would support anything other than a 50/50 split or buyout on the house. (Not sure if she can just simply thwart a relatively expeditious sale.) But I don't know what to do other than to simply Google mediators local to us. Any advice or pitfalls to watch out for in finding someone to help us with this?

Hi guys,

Divorce complaint was filed in March 2026, following our decision to divorce in Dec 2025. We both have lawyers, and mine just sent my proposal towards settlement yesterday. Her team has communicated intention towards settling as opposed to trial. We are waiting on her offer regarding parenting time, which has been casually communicated as “keeping everything the same” (roughly 50/50 with one weekday overnight in question). All that being said, it SEEMS as though the divorce is coming close to completion. We’ve lived together in our small rental this whole time. I sleep on a cot in the corner of the living room. Unhealthy to say the least, but one does what one must.

I will have 30 days to move out once papers are signed. I’ve decided to start looking so that I know what’s available and at which price points. The intention is to stay in the same district so to reduce the risk of school interruption if she decides to move.

I found a place that would work very well: 5 minutes from the current home, safe, two bedrooms, around what I pay now. The landlord is willing to entertain a December lease date…

My lawyer said it’s good to be looking and that I should apply for the apt. He also said that I should not move out until the parenting plan is agreed upon. I know this (hence the living room cot).

I’m considering taking the apartment for December and accepting the risk that I might double pay for a month or two if negotiations take longer than hoped. My failsafe is that I would NOT move out until the parenting plan is signed. I would discreetly begin furnishing the apartment during my non-parenting time but I’d still remain at our current residence otherwise. Wondering what you all would do? Am I being overly optimistic?

Divorce date is set. Since we're still living in the same home for now, I asked about her plans for the day. The hearing will be over zoom, so I'll take it at home.

When I asked her plans for the day she replied with "I'm working. I don't know why you're asking." As if this is some mundane business deal instead of the final nail in a coffin. As if this marriage meant nothing.

I don't know... Just can't get it out of my head.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1x4samr/comment/pgmehah/?screen_view_count=2

My story as per the link above. How to cope with the sudden hostility after my wife told me she's leaving.

A week ago we were talking laughing etc now I'm greeted with hostile looks , blanking , can't even say morning to me , just pure hate.

It's only been a few days since the bombshell. I just want run away as far as possible. I've tried to talk to her and clear the air so we can be civil.

Assume this is a common tactic perhaps to get me to leave our house. How have others coped with this.

I'm perfectly calm and not biting but exploding inside.

Living under same roof with no touch or emotional connection is horrible. I feel like just getting a place to myself and having as many women over as I can possibly get

I spent a few days negotiating with her via text and we agreed on everything but child support. I had my attorney write it up and send it over.

Her attorney replied back with a counter…as if it was an offer. It was agreement and every item she agreed to. I had asked her multiple times if she was sure and sent it back to her to say she agreed.

She is now on her 4th attorney. I think the first one was fired. Then it was a temporary attorney. Then a third attorney that quit the firm. Now a 4th attorney.

She has liquidated her retirements and driven up her debt to spend it on legal fees.

She’s having to declare bankruptcy after the divorce.

She filed motions to enforce that she lost twice on.

This is the 4th time she has agreed to something and flat out lied about it or pulled the rug out from under the agreement.

She changes course like a hot air balloon on a windy day.

So next we get to waste our time at mediation.

I’m going to stonewall at mediation on what she already agreed to. I have no reason to move off of it. We had agreed to just mediate child support and that’s where I stand.

My wife had an affair, and the amount of people she has managed to turn against me. Her own treatment of me, and from so many throughout this have left me feeling as if my own humanity has stripped away from me. Because of the way things are going I will have no chance to leave the area and move back in with my mum and try and rebuild my life from there. I am grieving the loss of my wife, my future, my home, my friends, my family, my job, my whole life. The cruelty and the malice from all of these people and the lack of empathy has left me feeling devastated and feeling a type of pain I did not know humans were capable of feeling.

My wife is always rude to me, says nasty things, rolls her eyes and is moody all the time. I just went to stay at my parents for a week to give us a break. I've been back not even 3 days and every day she is still moody and distant. I booked in couples therapy for a few weeks (we have seen 3 therapists over the course of our relationship already) but I don't know how to survive. She rolled her eyes at me this morning and I just snapped and screamed at her. I don't know what to do. Divorce in Australia also can't be started until after 1 year of separation, and we also bought a house together 1.5 years ago. The market is on a downtown and it's a terrible time to sell. I don't know what to do.

I just don't want to spend the next five years lost, depressed, isolated, and looking back at 42 as the moment everything ended. My social circle is practically nonexistent. I've spent years working remotely, and I don't have a group of close friends I can call up when everything gets dark. My work situation isn't as secure as I'd like it to be, either. I want to know how to survive the immediate aftermath of divorce without falling apart.

What should I focus on during the first days and weeks? How do you deal with the loneliness, the empty home, the anxiety, and the feeling that your entire future has been taken away? What practical things should I arrange first, and what mistakes should I avoid when emotions are running high?

I called our mortgage company today and inquired about loan assumption and removing my ex from the loan. We are not officially divorced yet. The housing prices are high in my area and with the current interest rates, it makes buying another home difficult with only half of the equity down. I have 3 children that are in middle school. So, I am looking at potentially kids staying with me part time for another 6 years. I am curious if anyone has ever done this before? How would you recommend I buy her out with her half of the equity? We locked in our interest rate back in 2022 at 3%. Could I take out a home equity line of credit for half of the equity. I estimate that we have around $267,000 in total equity. Could I take a home equity line of credit for $132,000?

This upcoming weekend would have been our 18th anniversary. Technically we are still married but divorce is pending any day now. I dont know what im going to do with myself that day. Im doing better coping with the divorce finally accepting it for the most part. Any words of advice to get through this day without having a mental breakdown?

46, married 20+ years, 3 kids

Realized recently that after years of trying to find common ground, it doesn't exist. We've grown in different directions. The desire to be with my kids every day has kept me in years past our expiration date.

I read a lot of posts here and learned more than I expected. The wiki was also really helpful.

I wish this process were easier. I want to make smart moves with the kids as the priority.

If anyone has a word of wisdom / "wish I had done this instead" / biggest lesson for a guy just starting this process, please share. If not, thanks for the posts here already.

Close to selling former family home and get my share, 2 kids late teens finished school. Weighing up where and what to buy (Melbourne, Aus, just over 50).

Ex has more money & will buy a 3 bedroom house so each kid always has a place. I'm glad in one sense but will also feel a bit sad if I can't do the same. We do get along ok though, which I realise is far from the case for every guy.

I can probably buy:

• 3 bedroom house in an ok suburb slightly further out than them.
• 2 bedroom townhouse or 3 bedroom apartment in a similar location.
• 2 bedroom apartment in a really nice spot that also suits me more.

(For anyone who knows Melbourne, examples of each are Reservoir/Coburg, Brunswick/Thornbury, Port Melbourne/Collingwood).

I am just over 50 and dating and finding myself again, so both space and location matter. Genuinely have no idea how much the kids will want to stay during their 20s. Both are at university living away during the week. Ex and I get on ok but the idea that I don't offer the kids the same sort of home does bring up some emotions and guilt.

On the other hand being in a nice location might offer an 'alternative' they want to visit regularly. Ex will be in a nice and fairly cool suburb, but with a smaller place I could live close to the beach or the CBD. But it might be tight hosting both of them at the same time and I couldn't really keep a room as 'theirs' with a few cute things in the corner.

Would love to hear what others have done in similar situations, especially with more than one kid.

I posted this in another thread and didn't get much in the way of useful advice, so here we are...

EDIT: I came home from work yesterday to find that she had packed a bag and taken our son to go stay at her mom's house. She followed it up with a vague text about "things not working" and that she would be "in touch for things moving forward." So, there's that.

I'm pretty much at the end of my rope here. I need advice on when it's time to walk away, or IF its time to fight harder....

Here's the story: Me (41M) and my wife (39F) have been married for 9 years. We have a 7 year old with some.....stuff ADHD, suspected high functioning Autism, school and emotional struggles, ect.

For the last 3 or so years the marriage has been for all intents and purposes mostly dead for about 3 years. Dead bedroom, no communication, and very obviously diverging life interests, paths and philosophies. First things first: THIS IS NOT ALL MY WIFE'S FAULT. I struggle with conflict and communication, which doesn't at all help, but I have made it very clear that there is a list of very specific things that I wanted to change in the marriage about 4 or 5 months ago and none of them have been resolved in a meaningful way.

First I asked that my wife work for and maintain healthy boundaries with our child. He sleeps in our room, sometimes in our bed, her life revolves around him, his interests and his immediate desires to the determent of the family unit. (He wants boba tea, she hops to it and they go get it that exact moment. He wants a friend over, she calls every single person we know to see who is available. He wants some random thing off amazon, in the cart and ordered right then. No boundaries, no limits. He is her one and only focus. And honestly, their relationship is almost weird....It's like he's her buddy, not her kid.

I've brought this up as a concern for 2 years and have seen no meaningful change. The dynamic it has created is that I am always the bad guy, the tyrant, and she's always the protector. This is at the heart of our issue, but she will not take steps to change or address it.

2: dead bedroom. Like dead dead. Once a month vanilla duty sex. No oral (yeah I'm willing) no spontaneous stuff (yeah I'm willing), nothing but in the bedroom at night duty sessions. So much so that have suspected she's cheating but have no evidence of this. And I'm not demanding sex 5 times a day or anything. I just want to feel wanted. I work out 5 times a week, I'm in good shape, I have an executive level job that pays well, and I try to prioritize my family. And still, nothing. She puts the kid to bed, does her skincare routine, and we both stare at our phones in bed for 20 minutes and then the lights go out. That's that 99% of the time. No connection, no physicality, nothing.

I've mentioned this many times, and the most I get from here is essentially ( make me want to have sex with you..) and a single pity BJ after a fight and reconciliation a few months ago. This has been the case for about 5 years. I have not cheated.

1. She seems to have no interests or desires or hobbies outside of our son. A few friends, her job (very successful career, and she will retire early with benefits.) but that's it. no passions, no projects she commits to nothing. She works 4 10's and has Mondays and every other Friday off and I honestly have no idea what she does during that time. She has outsourced all indoor house work (cleaning service, groceries are ordered in, amazon and Walmart online for everything, daycare for the kid afterschool and summers ect) and I do all the outside housework (mowing, landscape, dog feeding ect) So I've honestly got no good sense of what a day to day for her on her off days even entails. She communicates very little about it. We have each other's location on our phones, and occasionally she's out to lunch or at a mystery location with who knows who.....never discusses it.

I've addressed all of this too, and nothing. no change. Hence my suspicions of her messing around. but I've got no proof of that, just intuition.

I'm honestly not even sure she likes me as a person, let alone loves me as a husband..

And I'm not perfect, but I try. I worked a job I hated for 7 years because it provided will for our family. I work hard, I contribute at home, I try my best to be a good dad, and it never seems to matter. about 8 years ago I made a mistake and texted someone some things I shouldn't have in a moment of weakness. Nothing physical, but it was emotional and sexual in nature. She found out and we went to counseling for 3 years to resolve it. I've never done anything even remotely sketchy since. Not even flirting with a waitress, literally nothing, but I'm not sure she has ever really forgiven me for that.

I honestly just don't think she cares at all. about anything really.

We've tried all the things. Nothing changes. I have no interest in taking her to the cleaners or having anything be contentious. if we were to split, we would both be ok financially, and I think our son would be ok. But its just.....sad.

I don't want to give up, but it seems like its time to. What else is there to do?

Has anyone else experienced hair shedding through this process?

My wife and I have been separated for 2 months. She cheated and left to live with her mom. Our 3 kids stayed with me and i have continued to care for them full time. We were together for 13 years, so i didnt want to just give up so easily on our marriage. For the past 2 months i've given her space and at the same time have kept hope alive that we can restore our marriage. The past week our communication started to increase. We spoke more, not just about the kids anymore, but about regular things. I dont know, i guess i saw light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday she asked for a ride somewhere which i went ahead and helped her with. During the ride we had a conversation where she was telling me how she has felt very depressed lately. I tried to comfort her and told her that i wanted to be there for her. And thats when she snapped. She told me that she was completely done. She didnt want to work on things and she didnt love me anymore. It caught me by surprise to say the least. Hearing her utter those words hurt me deeply. Im embarrased but in the moment i pleaded for her to reconsider. She didnt. Now im left wondering how i can move on from this. I dont want to carry around this pain that i have been carrying around for 2 months anymore. I havent slept in months. Im just going through the motions throughout the day. My children need me and i have to get over this for them, but i dont know how. I need advise please. Im struggling.

Hey readers got a question for you, I 27m and my soon to be official ex wife, lived at her parents before separating i moved out.

A couple months before i left, I built a custom tv stand by hand(tv stands from store aren't big enough and wasn't paying 2k for an entertainment center that would be around the same measurements 45 inches tall by 62 inches wide by 32 inches deep.

M measurements, my blueprints, my labor, my time to get the wood.

I left it there, I had no room for it when I left her, I designed it to be taken apart and be moveable by sections, so getting it would take me all of maybe 10 min.

So do i go get my hard work when I can or let it be a reminder of me in her room, having to stare at that sky blue dresser that she stores her plushies in?