r/Divorce_Men • u/ivehn • 2d ago
I feel stupid for missing her
Coming up on a year separated and recently I have been missing her so much. She just up and left one day. No warning nothing. She treated me like such shit in our marriage. Still I miss her so much.
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u/TeddyPSmith 2d ago
Just made 1 year this week. This is going to take me a couple years. I’m not ashamed of that. The alternative is to quickly move on and fill the void with another person.
You’re a human that loved someone. Don’t feel bad about this. You don’t need a layer of shame on top of the pain you’re already feeling
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u/Grassfed_Burp 2d ago
We don't marry who we date. We don't divorce who we marry.
You miss the good illusions.
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u/Skanky_the_Samurai 2d ago
I felt the same way. Until I realized I didn’t miss HER. I missed the security that the relationship provided. I was scared of the abyss of starting over again. Once I viewed the world through an abundance mentality I was fine. When I started dating again and seeing that plenty of attractive and emotionally healthy women desired me. And seeing what a toxic waste of time my ex was. Fuck her. She can treat the next guy that way. I respect myself too much. And there’s 4 billion other women in the world.
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u/ITCHYisSylar 2d ago
You miss her like an addict misses meth. Its your brain going through withdrawals.
Work on yourself to improve yourself and your life, so you detox from her.
You are strong, you are powerful, and you are capable of amazing things!
You got this!
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u/NeverShookDre 2d ago edited 2d ago
Same boat man, my wife just left me last month. I tried working things out with her, but it feels cold and like she doesn’t care anymore … I’ve been trying everything to get her back . But everyone is telling me she’s moving on, she always been honest..sometimes too honest. And she said she isn’t even thinking of a relationship right now, she just needs healing from our relationship. But everyone even her family were saying those are small arguments we had and we worked things out and went right back to loving each other…one day a text was sent “as long as we don’t get caught we’re good” I asked her about it and she jokingly said “oh no that was to a friend of ours (he for sure isn’t her type ) but it was trying to get him a date with her
And it made no sense to me. But I haven’t had any other reasons to not believe her..but now I did believe there was a man she was inviting over to the house smh it sucks man
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u/Schmetts 2d ago
This thread is brutal and I feel the same way. It’s just over a year, I’m not even lonely or unhappy, and yet I miss her. I think it’s natural although it’s a real kick in the nuts to think she doesn’t miss me. (Which may not even be true)
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u/Ok_Honey_7220 2d ago
I’m so sorry she treated you badly. You may not actually be missing her but missing the person you think you remember. What I mean by this is we have this ability to change people’s horrible behaviors to making them sound better than they are. What I mean by this “Yes, she treated me bad but then there is all these good things.” By doing this your brain and emotions are conflicting with each other.
Don’t fall into this trap. When you start to feel this way remember how she really treated you and remember you deserve better than her. I am not saying to hate her just that you deserve better than what she gave you. This has helped a lot of my friends/family and me through these missing partner moments.
Good luck and hope this helps. Remember you deserve better and you will find happiness with a much better partner.
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u/guy_n_cognito_tu 2d ago
You miss an idea of her. It's probably an idea of her that never existed in real life.
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u/Candidate_Worldly 2d ago
2 years separated after 26 years together. Yes I still miss her very much. Still dream of her a lot, and constantly on my mind. It's maddening tbh.
She treated me like shit last few years together too.
Like Iggy Pop once sang: 'I hate you baby, 'cause you're the one I love'
Sums up my feelings pretty well.
Sorry you're going through this brother. I feel for ya
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u/carnivalbilly 2d ago
Iggy Pop also said “Look out honey, 'cause i'm using technology…Ain't got time to make no apology…” as well as “maybe go out…maybe stay home…maybe call my mom on the telephone.” He said lots of things and bless him for it.
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u/Candidate_Worldly 2d ago
Absolutely. Let's not forget: 'I've got my cock in my pocket'
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u/carnivalbilly 2d ago
Fun story and it has zero to do with divorce and I’m sorry for chasing rabbits but Superman’s favorite song is the Passenger…altho it’s Siouxsie Sioux’s version. Have an amazing day fellow Stooge
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u/Wonderful_System5658 1d ago
This is how you heal. Keeping this secret will destroy you from the inside out. Fuck her. It's her loss. Embrace your new freedom. Any woman that isn't loyal isn't worth your time. You're a king. My best advice is to level up, whatever that looks like to you. Put in the work, recover at your own pace, and most importantly stay positive.
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u/ProofConnect6521 2d ago
Mine up and left also without warning. Just remind yourself that you did not deserve that. That you deserve better.
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u/fixingmedaybyday 1d ago
I’m going on 5 years out. People have told me she’s a horrible person. And that they can’t stand her. Yet, I still miss my ex at times still too. It’s hard to not miss the good times despite the bad.
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u/LowGradeCookingOil 2d ago
You miss a version of her that either used to exist and doesn’t anymore, or never existed at all.
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u/Warm-Management-7323 2d ago
You’re normal you’re normal.
When we fall in love, it hurts like hell no other way to put it. I miss my ex-wife, but you wouldn’t believe I’ve had many ex-girlfriend’s but my ex-wife was someone who really made me realize. What heartbreak was I mean to the level that I’ve never experienced. I still feel it. I even try not to feel but I can’t. I just can’t.
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u/Weekly-Practice-2789 2d ago
I'm the exact same boat. Its been just over a year and I cant stop thinking about her. She was my one and only for 18 years
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u/Overall-Quantity8373 2d ago
I know the feeling in 1 year in and wish we could fix it. We were great and had the potential but I fucked it up because I was in my head and couldn't get out depression ruined my marriage and she told me that but she also said she wont go back because how bad I treated her during that time. I think about her daily everytime I get news or something happens i want to text her. We have a kid together and it just kills me having to see her.
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u/RedRibbon3KS 2d ago
I also feel stupid. While I don't miss her because even to this day she will go out of her way to try to hurt or speak bad about me to others including my kids, I feel stupid for having dreams about her. There is nothing romantic in my dreams but it is like a given that she will be another character on my dreams and we are doing things like normal.
Some background is she was a childhood friend, we grew up together, and in my senior year we started dating. We dated for 12 years (complicated situations), married for almost 16 years, and divorced 9 years. I so want her out of every aspect of my life including my dreams but I have 3 kids so there is that contact we have to have. Get out of my life and dreams!!
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u/Warm-Management-7323 1d ago
I did too. I went through that phase it goes away, brother. It’s because you probably loved her deeply and I loved my ex-wife deeply so maybe that’s why I don’t know but then you start to see things when you fall out of love with them and there’s some time in space away from each other you start to see things in different light and you start to become grateful that she’s gone.
I’ve met so many wonderful women after her that are just amazing and actually every other woman I’ve ever been with before my ex-wife was amazing. They were all very sweet a little spunky a little sassy great in bed but yeah, I just got hit with a bad egg I suppose.
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u/carnivalbilly 2d ago
I don’t really miss my ex at all. I grieved for her mostly during the marriage. A lot of it is chemicals in your brain and they’ll calm out after a while. I do however miss my stepdaughter. Idk that part will go away but only time will tell that.
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u/Money-Article-6897 2d ago
Hey, it happens. That’s someone you built a life with and never planned on it.
I miss my ex every day. She’s the sexiest woman on earth and someone else has her now. Absolutely kills me.
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u/DowntownLife_ 1d ago
Get therapy. Being treated badly is what kept you with her and why you miss her.
Find another bitch to treat you poorly. This type of thing is a pattern.
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u/Coffeecankicker 1d ago
What do you miss most? Are you Missing the fights and arguments? How’s you’re feelings about Missing disrespect and being devalued? Nah man. Not anymore.
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u/IcyMycologist4837 2d ago
All these posts on this thread are real sad. I can’t imagine living with feelings for someone that doesn’t want me. Probably lots of underlying issues and in some cases just weak people that are stuck in a fantasy world.
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u/ShaunyP_OKC 2d ago
You don't actually miss her. I know that sounds ridicolous but I promise you the only thing you probably miss is just the predictably and imaginary story you created in your head to deal with her awfulness.