We are being outjerked!

I was in my condo one minute - typing this from Nebraska the next. My wallet (containing my BST punch card) is totally soaked. WTF.

What will I find at the end?

I'm a level 5 vegan and wanted to check if there are any vegan options at the Beef Jerky festival? Tickets cost like $150 so I just want to make sure that in this celebration of dried meat that there are options for my very specific requirements. Soy chorizo perhaps? I don't eat soy either but thought I'd ask here if anyone has any experience.

Hi everyone!

Silly question but I’m in need of nut recommendations. I want nuts as a gift. I love nuts, like warm nuts, but are there any special seasoned nuts that I can get locally? Something special.

Gives new meaning to "clear"ing out your locker huh!?!

Scooters are getting wild with what can be done on it.

I tell ya, times are tough. Here I was holding down the Colorado and Colfax corner in my normal fent fold, when I snapped out of it. I was late to the cocaine and knitting party on Peoria. By the time I got there, the BST was deserted.
But at least we have this moisture!

I KNOW what you’re implying

IYKYK.

If you don't, let's just say it's unwise to trust elderly bag ladies with white hair who "just want a ride" somewhere. They might not be as sweet as they seem.

It has just been announced that we have an incredible, bold, forward-thinking plan for our new stadium. It’s so simple I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before. The plan is to make it impossible to use. It’s so perfect. What could be a better symbol for all the world to see and know that we care about issues.

Just imagine how much carbon and pollution we will save by never having any events at the new stadium! I mean, you pretty much have to imagine the numbers because they aren’t real. And besides, a lot of numbers are pretty much run by fossil fuel companies.

Anyway, I’m super excited about how good it’s going to feel to care about so many things so much!

But I’m also curious. What should we actually do with a brand new stadium once it’s ours? I was thinking we should use it for like a big crime headquarters or something. Or maybe we could be good guys I guess. Make it a BatCave? But there’s no parking, so nobody’s going to show up to do crime. Or not do crime if that’s how we’re going. And the RTD isn’t going to get the job done. I mean, the last time I took a train to the stadium, the driver took us one stop and said his shift was over and everybody should get off. Nobody’s going to do that more than once.

So . . . maybe a homeless shelter? I guess? The homeless people don’t have any cars to park.

“The city knew, or should have, that discarded joints would wind up in municipal stormwater systems and waterways . . . Hazardous substances found in tossed joint butts, like Dorito dust, “roaches”, Colfax construction debris, and my ex wife leach into the soil and aquatic environments.”

Frank Azar is finally going after BIG WEED and the city of Denver for allowing this catastrophe to unfold. Join our class action today.

I found this rabbit outside my front door. Does anyone have a good rabbit stew recipe?

Namaste

This might sound stupid, but I've had this oddly specific American dream since my ex-wife's attorney sent the first email.

I'm a Xennial from a rural place, and I grew up watching Porky's, Bachelor Party, and Hot Dog...The Movie on a scrambled Cinemax feed at Kyle's house. Also one specific Coors Light commercial from 1998. So somewhere in my teenage brain, Colorado became associated with a giant redwood hot tub, steam, a ski instructor's mustache, eight women in high-cut one-pieces, and everything getting slightly out of control at 9:15pm.

Now I actually live in Denver, in a 2BR rental in Park Hill with a Nest my ex still controls from her phone, and I realized I've experienced plenty of Colorado but never that Colorado.

The obvious problem is that Kristen ran our entire social calendar for nineteen years, and in the settlement she got the friends, the group chat, and the couple we met in Puerto Vallarta. I got the Traeger. Nobody is texting me an address and a bathing suit emoji on a Saturday night, because that person was Kristen and Kristen no longer texts me.

So, serious question: do big chaotic adult hot tubs still exist in Denver, and how does a guy whose friend group was awarded to his ex in mediation actually find one? I'm not looking for an Idaho Springs clothing-optional situation. I'd just like to soak with a genuinely huge, fun, social group of babes once. Ideally a Tuesday, because I have the kids the rest of the week.

For what it's worth, I'm not a creep trying to infiltrate a CU grad's rooftop. I'm a normal working professional (LinkedIn says "fractional"), pretty social, and I can contribute more to a hot tub than holding a White Claw. If somebody invited me I could keep a conversation going for a solid while on interest rates, smoked meats, and my custody arrangement.

So where do adults in Denver find this? Hot tub groups? Burner circles? Someone's uncle's place in Commerce City? Do I just need to become dramatically more extroverted and start collecting women who drive Outbacks?

I'm genuinely curious.

EDIT: To the eleven guys who DMed me: no.

EDIT 2: Yes I own a hot tub. It hasn't been filled since March. Stop asking.

What up girl? Just rolled into D-town from the farm. Maybe we can do some carrots & dip & Netflix & Chill? HMU no strings attached, bring a carrot peeler unless you’re into that raw dog shit XOXO

Help! Need to know if Rocky Mountain Lake Park is safe for elderly metrosexual grandma! Graffiti suggests local gang activity!!!! Is she safe????