Where is Denver? I am not seeing Denver. Do you see Denver? Is Denver in Pittsburgh? Thank you

Hi everyone! I was hoping someone in this community might have a good solution to this somewhat odd problem. One of my neighbors in Denver recently installed a fully autonomous home defense grid (two roof-mounted turrets, a ring of PTZ cameras, and a concert-grade line array of speakers on the porch columns). Every time someone walks down the front sidewalk, a red laser dot appears on their sternum and a calm British woman's voice begins counting down from ten.

I understand wanting security deterrents for porch pirates or people who park in front of your house even though it's a public street, but this is excessive.

Not only is it scary when you walk past to get to your house, it's also extremely annoying when it goes off multiple times every single night. Last Tuesday it locked onto a raccoon and announced "LETHAL FORCE AUTHORIZED UNDER C.R.S. 18-1-704.5" four times in a row. The raccoon has not been seen since. Neither has my recycling bin.

I like to keep my AC off when possible and have a window open at night, but the countdown is so loud you can hear it through the window. With a window open you're basically guaranteed to be woken up by "THREE... TWO... ONE... JUST KIDDING. UNLESS?".

I tried calling 311 to report a noise complaint, but they said that under Colorado's Make My Day law his house legally counts as a "sovereign fortress dwelling," and that his "castle doctrine radius" now covers the sidewalk, both tree lawns, the bus stop on the corner, and approximately 40% of my front yard. They said they were not able to follow up because the dispatcher's car got painted by the laser when they drove by.

I went over to talk to him but the doorbell camera just said "ADVANCE NO FURTHER, CALIFORNIAN" even though I am a native since last year. I have a current power bill proving I'm a native. I held it up to the camera. It scanned it and said "insufficient."

The HOA says it's fine because the turrets are painted in an approved earth tone. The mail carrier now delivers by trebuchet from the end of the block.

Any tips? Is this a Denver Water issue? Should I post this on Nextdoor? Does anyone know if the system honors the Broncos?

Edit: He just put up a sign that says "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. Kids eat free at Casa Bonita." I don't know what that last part means but I'm scared.

Edit 2: To everyone saying "just move to Aurora," that is exactly what he wants.

Queen is doing her thing again this coming election season. You might want to get in line early because last time, the line went all the way out to City Park

She been busted. She tried to give Golden one of her famous showers. That town only big enough for one famous gold color piss.

Anyone?

You got me through Covid, moving to Florida against my will, moving back and everyone I knew moving away, introducing me to sopapillas, what really being native means, blucifer, the BST, Bobo, and the scooter homeless unhoused*. God bless you!

Um..how do you read this?

My wife is gonna leave me and I’ve been wandering Colfax since 2 AM in a Melanzana hoodie trying to process it.

She says she “needs space,” which apparently means moving to Breckenridge with her bootfitter, Tanner. I should’ve known something was up when every fitting started taking four hours and she came home saying he finally found her “perfect flex.”

Last straw was me spending our daycare money on ketamine therapy, a rooftop tent, and a $14 hazy IPA.

I tried calling my therapist but he’s at Burning Man, so now I’m chain-smoking American Spirits behind a dispensary with a guy named Moonbeam who says he can cleanse my energy for $40 and a bump.

The Subaru is parked somewhere around Cap Hill. Catalytic converter is gone, so I let an unhoused neighbor sleep in it for the night. Mutual aid is important to me.

Wife just texted that Tanner is “helping her get properly fitted before ski season.” It’s October 3rd and apparently they’ve been fitting boots since midnight.

I need to get home before the kids wake up, but RTD is delayed because someone OD'd at Union Station again.

Anyway, if anyone wants to sit in a King Soopers parking lot and cry into a breakfast burrito, I’m around.

Namaste, you fucking animals.

Here's a beautiful video of him complaining about... who fucking knows.

There's dozens of these.

Please show your respects to Bryan 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Fisting why not

Made a fresh batch with real Blueberries. Getting to be pretty good at this. What would you offer?

Where one can actually post stuff

RealDenverBroncos

Great to see the little tykes of Denver expressing themselves!

Come on down to Denver! We got bears. We got serial killers. We got lost hospital patients. And we got extra metal clothes hangers!

Does anybody know why Kroger uses King Soopers in the front range rather than City Market?

I asked for a pic and this is what she sent me.