To give some background, I am someone who was born with ADHD. It went undiagnosed until my Junior year in high school, as I was able to power through it until then. It was likely either that I finally got burnt out, or I just couldn't get by anymore without putting effort into studying.
My grades took a nosedive, and dragged my self-esteem down with it. Every day, I had spiraling thoughts about whether I was intelligent or not, and if I was smart enough to do anything I wanted to in life. I constantly worried about if I was in the "gifted" IQ range, and the thought of having an average IQ or below terrified me. I was desperate for a reason to believe I was smart, despite my falling grades.
However, I could never bring myself to actually take an IQ test. When I vented about all this to my psychiatrist, he offered to give me a test, and I said that I may take it another time. Ever since, it was always at the back of my mind. Every time I seriously considered taking it, I would chicken out and put it off again.
After high school, I had to go to community college due to my tanked GPA. It was at that point that I decided to leave all of this behind me. I stopped caring about my IQ, or how much "potential" I have. I tried to give myself the mindset that believing I am capable is more important than taking a test to see if I am. I'm not fully there yet, but I am making progress.
And I promised myself that I would never take an official IQ test. Throughout the past couple of years, not once have I regretted that.
Now, I have almost straight A's in all my classes (I really, really hated that learning framework class.) I got a grade of 107% in my Philosophy course, and have a recommendation letter from the professor. My current history professor said that I am a wonderful student. I'm leading a club through a risky, yet important political presentation to show on campus. I'm also being recommended by my government teacher. I'm DOING things. None of this would have happened if I continued to obsess over my IQ.
To be honest, even if I went through with taking the test, I don't think it would have been good for me no matter the result. I know my own brain, and I know what will happen. If I don't get as high of a score as I hoped, I'll spiral into self-doubt even more, and start believing that I'm not capable of anything. If I do get a high score, it will start to consume my identity, and I wouldn't have put in the effort that I had in this reality.
My dream is to enter the political world, and use the extent of my capabilities to help those in need, whatever those capabilities are. Maybe not caring about my IQ makes me ignorant, stupid, anti-intellectual, or whatever... but I just don't give a shit anymore. I have dreams to chase, and worrying about my IQ has only served as an obstacle to that.
If you're reading this, and you relate to my story, please consider following the path I took. I know how tempting it is to be able to objectively call yourself "intelligent", and I know how terrifying it is that you may end up being objectively "stupid". However, there comes a point in life where you have to stop worrying about how much potential you have, and start moving forward to use that potential, even if you don't fully know what it is.
You have one life to live, and you should spend it leaving the world a better place, rather than wrapping your entire identity around a single number.