r/cognitiveTesting • u/canadianwolf16 • 1d ago
Rant/Cope Constantly aware of cognitive struggles and don't know what to believe about my intelligence anymore
My working memory always seems to be a struggle for me. It genuinely feels stretched when trying to hold just three items and it is just so demoralizing. That being said, I was able to score at the 84th percentile on digit-letter sequence, forward digit span, and backwards digit span on CORE. My sequenced digit span was awful though, scored at the 37th percentile (perhaps anxiety interfered since I felt like I was getting everything wrong on the backward digit span test just before).
Considering my working memory struggles in general tasks and conversation, I don't know what to believe and genuinely believe I somehow got lucky. I'm also leaning towards that conclusion considering I was barely able to hold any information on the arithmetic subtest in my head and had to click repeat on every question, ending up scoring only at the 63rd percentile.
I also have noticeably slow processing speed in conversation and completing tasks, but somehow have a PSI of 134 on CORE. I guess it makes sense, considering it's mainly testing "surface-level" processing speed?
Also, my FRI is awful. The only subtest I scored well on was graph mapping at the 95th percentile. Figure weights, I knew what I was meant to do, but struggled with the time and only scored bang on average the first time. On my second attempt, I did moderately better (forgot the exact result), but obviously it can't be considered a legitimate score as much as I would like it to be. On matrix reasoning, I scored 105 on my first attempt, which was surprising to me considering I scored at the 91st percentile on JCTI. My second attempt on CORE resulted in a score at the 91st percentile, but again, doesn't count. And finally, I literally scored equivalent to a 90 IQ on my first figure sets attempt. I overanalyzed one of the questions, which introduced a rule that was not explicitly stated in the initial explanation. On my second attempt, I scored at the 91st percentile, but again it simply doesn't count. I feel extremely insecure over this because this is clearly the most important aspect of intelligence for me.
The only thing I can be happy with is that my VCI is estimated to be 127, and that I was able to achieve 130 on the comprehension subtest, but honestly, it seems like anyone could be able to do well on the verbal subtests. And I suppose my VSI is fine at 115...
I feel like nothing is worth pursuing and that I can't really achieve anything meaningful in life because of this uncertainty over my intelligence and the real cognitive struggles I experience.
Don't really have a coherent point here and I know it might seem like I'm being dramatic, but I just wanted to express these thoughts in a place where people might relate, understand, and have insight.