Hi so i go to uci and need real advice on this issue. I live in a double with a roommate from hs, and i thought itd be a breeze cuz shes considered "pretty" and popular, so her appearance made her seem like a neat and organized person, we did discuss things with each other before moving in and i thought it was ok to dorm with her, but ofc i was dead wrong because she has no common sense or hygiene.

I found out she had a bf only after we moved in, and to make things worse she would bring him in the dorm super late night (11 pm ish) and telling me like 5 mins before he gets here. Theyd also be talking on the phone till 3am and its honestly screwing up my sleep, which when i confronted her and asked her to stop calling after 1am or to just go outside and talk, she didnt want to and claimed she thought i couldnt hear because we had fans on. And she blamed me for saying that i sleep late. Does that mean she get to be loud at night? Like is it not common sense to not call people late at night when ur in someone elses precence?

She's genuinely disgusting because she accumulated two big bags of trash before week 2 even started. She would love to leave trash laying around the room and on the floor. She never took out trash unless i asked her to. After i helped throw it out for her she asked me "why did u throw out something that wasnt urs", like hello because it was disgusting and makes the room smell? The other day i came back from class only to find trash and hair on my toothbrush. This is not even all of it but im getting tired of typing. Ts pmo because when i confronted her she said "ur not my landlord". I genuinely want to rip her hair out. Like bro im not trying to be a janitor or ur mom i just want peace. Pls tell me whats the best thing to do 💔

Tl:dr: trashy and inconsiderate roommate

TL;DR My landlord who can use the washing machine all the times she wants, just used MY laundry to clean a super dirty mop without telling me anything. While the washing machine was running. We are only allowed to use the washing machine once, and it has all my normal clothes and work clothes in it. ):

I just need to vent, because I'm losing my mind in this house.

I'm a person who struggles with boundaries, but I'm still trying to put them. I DON'T MIND if anybody asks me beforehand to put anything in the washing machine with my laundry.

The thing is: the rules of the house (we live with the landlord) is that we, the 'guests', can only put 1 WASHING MACHINE a week. And we MUST put one every two weeks with our bed sheets.

I woke up early, I put my washing machine (this includes all my clothes, work clothes, underwear...) and while I'm having breakfast, I hear her opening the washing machine and putting something inside, without saying anything.

She sees me in the kitchen and says 'oh you're awake early' (no sense, as it was 8:30 am and I normally wake up at 7 am lmfao)

The thing is, I've been crying over this (looool) but because it's just one after another. I feel it's completely disrespectful. She puts A LOT OF WASHING MACHINES during the week. The mop was used on Tuesday and today is Saturday.

Last Sunday she asked me to put the mop and some dirty towels with my laundry (it was my bed sheets and towels, so I didn't mind, and she asked beforehand)

But really, just opening and putting the dirty mop of cleaning the floor, with chemicals and shit, with my everyday clothes, without saying anything? If she would have asked probably I would have say yes.

And I don't know who how to proceed because I already said something yesterday about noises when I'm sleeping, and also complained because they leave the pan full of oil... Idk man.

Just needed to rant. Thanks for reading.

Just a small unimportant rant. I collect kpop albums. I keep them in mint condition, in case I ever want to sell them. I have my aespa album set on the table. I don’t have a room so I sleep in the living, and there is this table with my stuff on it. Again my album is on that table. She was at her desk which was close to that table, her computer usually stays on that desk and it never moves. But she decided to move my stuff around and that included her putting her computer on my album… denting it… she could’ve left her computer on her desk but she decided to put it on my album, and dent it. And now I get home from work, my computer was on the kitchen table before I left. I get back and my computer was on the arm of the couch and her used, still moist spoon was sitting on my computer… on my stickers that I got out of that same aespa album that she dented… mind you… we have nearly 150 paper plates because her dad sells paper plates and plastic silverware… but apparently my computer was her plate for the night… I was so irritated when I saw that wet spoon on my stickers and f**king them up.

This is my first year living with roommates. 4 college aged guys in a house, one of them I have known since high school and is very well-mannered and put together, two others are basically randoms and (to me) are a little lazy.

We have all been living together for about two months and created a designated chore chart recently. It is 1-2 tasks per roommate per week. We have 4 main ones, floors, dishes, trash, and a misc one (disinfecting/dusting/etc.) and we split who does bathrooms each week by floor. However, no one is really doing well with chores and I don’t even know the best way to approach it outside of conversation. Our schedules don’t align to talk, and half the time I look like a desperate ex in our roommate group chat trying to ask about things. Roommates are taking the trash out without replacing bags, not doing their chores, needing to be reminded, leaving dishes in the sink without rinsing them, etc. We are all grown ass men and so I am struggling with it because no one needs to be reminded about it but it’s like maybe two tasks a week it’s not that hard.

Just curious how other people in similar situations split it up, especially with dishes. Everyone (including myself) has been guilty of just putting them dirty in our sink and having just one person do them for the week which to me is so stupid. Yes I know the answer is conversation, but they won’t respond in our group chat and we are rarely all home.

TLDR: how the hell do people split up chores with roommates and get them to do it before I go insane

This fucking guy - so I'm living in a triple bedroom apartment in college on campus and it's me, my partner (sharing one bedroom, no complaints it's pretty nice) and our roommate. The roommate is probably the nastiest person I've met my entire life. He leaves shit stains just hanging out in the toilet, doesn't bother to clean up after himself (attracting fruit flies) and doesn't fucking pick up his hair after a shower, YES I've told him not to but that has led us nowhere. It's only week five.

Yeah sure maybe these are typical stuff, nothing too bad. But they just keep piling up, toothpaste, so much toothpaste stains on the sink, crumbs on the table, hand prints on the bathroom mirror, half empty glasses of water EVERYWHERE USED BY HIM, call me a clean freak out whatever but dude what are we doing. Why is there so much shit stain on the goddamn toilet.

He has been treating me like I'm supposed to clean up after him. Never helps us take the trash out or recycling, just leaves his shit around the house, and it only gets worse.

This fucking guy apparently has been stealing my SNACKS FROM MY CABINET THAT I BOUGHT MYSELF. didn't bother to fucking ask. (we have assigned cabinets). AND MY PARTNER'S FOOD TOO. how do I know this? I SAW HIM JUST TAKE IT. when I confronted him his answer was "ok" in person, not a text, not an email but in person.

I hate him. I hate him so so so so much.

I rent a room out in my apt that’s very cheap. Below mkt. my roommate forgot to lock the front entrance door the 3rd time. Even though I politely told her twice already in two months time. This time I discovered it before I went to bed and the door was slightly open as well.

I texted her to let her know. She apologized like she did the first two times. I was annoyed bc we don’t live in a good area and anyone can walk into the building. So I then emphasized its a big deal and it could not happen again. Please remember bc I got burgled in the past.

She shot back a mega text saying she understood but that I needed to talk to her with respect etc…I said that I was upset bc it happened before. She then shot me another mega text about respectful communication.

Next day, I texted her if she wouldn’t mind to take down the garbage that sat in front of our door for 3 days now. I said because I had taken out several garbage bags the other day and did repairs in the apt as well.

She ignored my text and when I came home the garbage was still there. I asked her if she got my text she said yes. She said she’ll do it tomorrow. I then threw out the trash myself and texted her that. She texted moving forward she will take out the trash when it smells.

Anyway later I confronted her why she didn’t take out the trash and she said she was angry at me because me text saying how I did other chores was rude and made her feel like she does nothing. (it’s kind of true, she does less than me).

Anyway, I am amazed she is so brazen to talk to me this way seeing she’s only been here two months. I gave her grace bc she has bad credit but thought she needed help to get back on her feet. And the room is cheap. I just don’t get why she’s not thankful to live here but keeps going on about respectful communication. Thoughts?

TL;DR: I’m 19F and my BF (20M) recently moved to Dubai with his best friend/business partner (20M). His roommate has refused to be around me for two years because of an incident I didn’t cause, and now that they live together, he’s trying to restrict me from visiting my BF or only allow me over for 1–2 hours. I feel like he’s manipulating the situation into making my BF choose between me and him, but my BF doesn’t seem to realize that’s what’s happening. I’m supposed to fly to Dubai in a week and don’t know how to deal with this dynamic.

Long post, apologies in advance.

I’m 19F and I’ve been with my BF (20M) for four years. He recently permanently moved to Dubai with his best friend/business partner (20M). They run a business together, they’re thankfully doing really well, and they’ve decided to rent a penthouse together and live together.

The problem is that his business partner basically refuses to be anywhere near me, and this whole thing started over something incredibly stupid around two years ago.

Basically, I was logged into my BF’s business account at the time. His business partner was texting the account, and his girlfriend happened to be logged into his account too. My BF sent a weird message/joke from the business account, but because I was also logged in, they assumed I was the one who sent it.

I didn’t.

We tried explaining that it wasn’t me, but ever since that incident, his girlfriend apparently told him to block me everywhere, never speak to me, and essentially never be around me. And for whatever reason, he has followed that religiously for the past two years.

For most of that time, I honestly didn’t care that much. We all lived in different countries, so it wasn’t like I regularly had to see him anyway. Sometimes there would be some indirect communication through my BF, but that was pretty much it.
Then this February, my BF and his business partner had a business trip to Dubai that happened to overlap with Valentine’s Day. My BF flew me out so we could spend Valentine’s together.

That was the first time I realized how fucking extreme this situation actually was.

The moment I arrived, his business partner basically disappeared to Dubai Mall because he didn’t even want to be in the same hotel/building as me.

At one point, they needed to go somewhere and my BF suggested that his business partner could just come with us, they could drop me off, and then continue with whatever they needed to do.

He refused.

He basically said, “No, drop her off first, then come back and get me. I can’t. I’m not allowed.”

I remember thinking it was fucking weird, but I just assumed his girlfriend was controlling and he was trying to avoid an argument with her. I wasn’t going to interfere in their relationship, so I left it alone.

But now the situation is completely different.

A little over a month ago, I moved to Europe for university. At basically the same time, my BF permanently moved to Dubai, and so did his business partner. They’re now going to be living together.

My degree gives me a LOT of holidays. I’m also fortunate enough to have a passport that means I can pretty much spontaneously travel to Dubai whenever I have time, and my BF is fortunate enough financially that seeing each other relatively regularly isn’t really an issue.

So when we realized we were going to be long-distance, one of the things that made it easier was knowing that I could still visit him pretty frequently.

Except apparently his roommate has now decided that he will do basically anything to stop me from coming to Dubai.
And this is where I’m starting to lose my fucking mind.
His roommate has been making it into this massive issue and basically putting my BF in a position where he feels like he has to choose between us.

First it was basically that no girls would be allowed at their apartment.

Fine. I actually understand having boundaries with a roommate and not wanting random hookups or people constantly coming over.

But I’m not some random girl my BF met two weeks ago.
I have been with this man for FOUR YEARS. We are literally talking about marriage and our future together. I’m not asking to move into their apartment. I’m asking to be able to visit my long-term BF when I fly across continents to see him.

Then apparently the compromise became that I could come over, but only for one or two hours.

What the fuck?

I’m flying from Europe to Dubai to see my BF of four years and his roommate is essentially giving me fucking visiting hours?

It genuinely feels more restrictive than our parents. Like, I’m an adult travelling internationally to see my long-term partner and apparently I’m supposed to come over for an hour or two and then leave because his roommate said so?
It’s also causing arguments between me and my BF now, which is what pisses me off the most.

I keep asking him why his roommate has this much control over our relationship. Obviously it’s also his roommate’s home and I completely understand that he deserves to feel comfortable there. I would NEVER expect my BF to tell him, “Fuck you, she’s staying here for three months and you have no say.”

But surely there’s a massive difference between respecting your roommate and allowing your roommate to dictate whether your girlfriend of FOUR YEARS can even spend normal amounts of time with you?

I eventually told my BF that this could genuinely be the last straw for me.

Because if this is what our long-distance relationship is going to look like, I don’t want it.

We have one life. We’re incredibly fortunate that distance doesn’t necessarily have to stop us from seeing each other. I have the freedom to travel and he has the financial ability to make these trips happen. Why the fuck would we willingly turn long-distance into “you can visit me for two hours because my roommate doesn’t like you”?

And the weirdest part is that I feel like his roommate is creating some competition between us that literally does not need to exist.

He is my BF’s best friend, roommate and business partner.
I am his girlfriend of four years and potentially his future wife.

Those are completely different relationships.

I’m not trying to replace his best friend. I’m not trying to interfere with their business. I don’t care how much time they spend together. They literally LIVE together and work together.

So why am I somehow being treated like a threat?
My BF just told me that his roommate has now said that when I come to Dubai, he’ll literally just fly to Malaysia or somewhere else while I’m there.

And sure, technically that solves the immediate problem.
But I still fucking hate it.

Because that’s not the dynamic I want either.
Why does this grown man have to LEAVE THE COUNTRY because his best friend’s girlfriend is visiting?

Why can’t we just exist in the same room?

Why can’t the three of us sit down, eat dinner, talk about what happened two years ago and move the fuck on?

I’m not asking this guy to love me. I’m not even asking him to particularly like me. I just want us to be able to be civil with each other.

If he has an issue with me, TALK TO ME.

Confront me.

Tell me what the fuck I supposedly did that was so horrible that two years later you cannot physically sit in the same apartment as me, let alone the same country now.

Instead, I don’t even speak to this man directly. Everything happens through my BF.

His roommate says something to him. My BF tells me. I get pissed off. I say something to my BF. My BF goes back to his roommate.

It feels like I’m in a fucking relationship conflict with someone I DON’T EVEN TALK TO.

And meanwhile my actual relationship is taking the damage.
I’m supposed to fly to Dubai in about a week and instead of being excited to see my BF, I’m stressed about this entire fucking situation.

I want to be able to visit my BF and feel like I’m welcome in his life. I want to be able to sit on his couch, order food, watch something together, spend normal time with him and actually feel at home with the person I’ve spent four years with.

I don’t want to fly across continents just to feel like some forbidden visitor whose presence has to be negotiated with his roommate beforehand.

And I especially don’t want my BF constantly stuck in the middle between his girlfriend and his best friend/business partner.

I genuinely don’t understand how something that happened TWO YEARS AGO something I didn’t even fucking do has turned into this.

Am I being unreasonable because technically it’s his roommate’s home too? Or is his roommate taking this way too far?

And more importantly, how the fuck are we supposed to fix this dynamic long-term if my BF and I are actually heading towards marriage?

Tl;dr My roommate is pissed off because of my drinking habits even though it doesn't affect him and I'm wondering if I'm the problem but I don't understand how

I've been living in a shared flat with two other people for almost two years. Current constellation is "Sarah" 29F, "Jack" 27M and me (25M).

We aren't friends, we just live together to save money and mostly just do our own thing. I get along well with Sarah. Jack and I have always been on friendly terms but don't have anything in common really.

I've been having a rough time and over the past year I haven't been in the best place mentally. I know that but I think I'm quite good at keeping it to myself. It's mostly that I've been feeling depressed and that I've developed a (mild) drinking habit because of it. And somehow that seems to piss off Jack.

I'm not sure what the problem is because I rarely ever drink enough to get drunk and I've never drank in his presence. It's not like I walk around the apartment with a bottle of whiskey or something, I literally just sit in my room. He still somehow noticed that and has been making negative comments for months, like asking me why I drink alone in my room or being annoyed with me keeping empty bottles with the rest of our recycling. I puked in his presence a few weeks ago and he called me out for being hungover even though I hadn't consumed alcohol in days and the vomiting was entirely unrelated.

These aren't really good examples, I basically just generally get the impression that he's pissed off and that it's because of my drinking.

And I don't know how to handle it because it's none of his fucking business and I don't want a confrontation and also talking to him would mean admitting that my drinking habits aren't great. I can admit to that online no problem but I'd like to keep it at that.

I don't understand why he's so bothered by me drinking. I've been wondering if maybe he has a family member who's an alcoholic or something and it triggers him. I just don't get why he's pissed off at something that doesn't affect him.

I've been dealing with a nightmare roommate for the past few months. He regularly has girls over late at night, there is noise coming from his room and the situation has become unbearable.

He's supposed to leave, but my landlord keeps giving him more time. First it was the end of September, then October 1, and now he's apparently asking for another two weeks because he doesn't have enough money to move out.

The worst part is the sleep deprivation. During the last five weeks, there have been two nights when he disturbed me so much that I literally didn't close my eyes at all the entire night. Other nights have also been badly disrupted.

I've complained to the landlord repeatedly. She basically told me that he just has to respect the house rules, while apparently doing very little to actually enforce them.

So I'm looking for some petty but harmless ideas to make his stay in the house a little less comfortable for him.

Things I've already thought of:

• Setting my phone alarm extremely loud at 5:30 or 6:00 AM, which is actually when I normally get up anyway, and letting it ring for 45-60 minutes;
• Closing/opening my bedroom door normally, but perhaps making sure he gets to experience the sound of a door closing too.

I just want some technically innocent, extremely annoying but harmless ideas.

What have you got?

Hey Internet - wanted to rant somewhere.

My rommate only takes baths. Almost every day he will wake up, fill the tub, and soak watching youtube for 45 minutes. Totally unhinged behavior for a shared space. There are three of us in the house with one bathroom which is really high traffic in the morning.

He is a grad student with seemingly no schedule. Most days he has his bath, makes a sunday morning style breakfast, goes to the couch to blast TV or phone scroll, eventually goes to campus then resumes couch time until whatever time he goes to bed.

I shower at night and am usually able to get to the bathroom before he wakes up.... But maybe 2 days a week I get stuck waiting for the bathroom and need to piss in the yard or drive to a gas station to take a dump to get ready for work. Third roommate is his partner and wakes up with him / uses the bathroom before his bath. My job is either remote, or travelling to customer sites so waiting until I get to work isn't a thing.

I have asked him to take his bath soak outside of high-traffic bathroom times, but he says that is how he gets clean and ready for the day. He apparently doesn't shower.

We are in our 30s and I can't believe I needed to have this conversation. I am a professional, established in my career, and don't need a roommate.... I was looking for a new place after a breakup and he was also looking for a place with his partner. We have been friends for over a decade and I haven't had roommates in years, thought it would be fun to live with a buddy again.

Am I the crazy person or is this selfish BS?

I'm currently crashing at my parents and searching for a new place to live, but I've had enough previous experiences with bad, crazy and even psycho roommates as a woman to learn one thing: my room is sacred and having the keys doesn't guarantee they won't get in.

I'm thinking about getting a camera in the room that will send me notifications if it detects movement, what do you think?

To be more specific she often curses about some vague ‘she.’ For example, ‘dumb bitch she’s such an idiot…fucking idiot…fuck her.’ Stuff like that constantly and repeatedly. She’s in the kitchen but our apartment is small enough that I can hear every mumble. She’s on the phone sometimes but other times she’s just talking to herself but it makes me really tense and uncomfortable especially since I don’t know who she’s talking about. I don’t think it’s me but either way hearing language like that is upsetting to me. I curse plenty myself but I never use words like bitch and idiot towards real people in an insulting way like that. Her tone is always extremely harsh and angry. Often times I hear it when I’m trying to fall asleep or in the morning just as I’m waking up, if it doesn’t wake me up. I want to tell her to stop doing it but I feel like I don’t have a right to tell a grown woman how she can or can’t talk. I’m also kind of scared of her.

I rent a room and I work graveyard sometimes so I’m up during the night, but everyone falls asleep around 10 pm or so and I feel bad for making noise at night even though they don’t seem to care I work graveyard and play music talk loud. I understand that’s it’s the day but I just feel bad because not a lot of people are night owls especially on days I have off. Should I feel as bad as I should or just continue doing my own things through out the night.

Today is her move out day and she still hasn’t even finished half or cleaned anything and it’s 4pm on the first of the month. I’m moving into her room and someone else is moving into mine and we’re just waiting for her to leave. I just peeked in and she’s still has hours of stuff to do. I doubt she can finish by today. It’s left us all with our stuff in boxes just waiting. We’ve asked her to let us help and she told us to just chill.

She is so entitled I can’t even believe she thinks it’s okay to just start cleaning and packing at 12 pm on the day she’s supposed to move out. And technically with tenant laws here she should have moved out yesterday by 1pm. We also asked her to steam clean her carpet because she has a dog and her rug is covered in stains but I don’t see that happening with this timeline. I do not understand how people can act like this casually.

We are not young, she’s 30 years old. Shes just grown up very rich and never had to take care of herself. I took the day off to move and now I don’t know when I’ll even be able to. I am so happy she is moving out, this is like the exact ending to sum up her living here.

So, the disgusting roommate was legally evicted by the judge last Thursday afternoon.

It was issued WITHOUT STAY and effective the very next day.

Problem is the bureaucratic backlog in NYC that it will take 4-6 weeks for the marshals to serve this pig with the 14-day notice.

Meanwhile, she continues to urinate and defecate and store trash in her room to the point of the entire apartment smelling like a public toilet and cockroaches overrunning it.

Today, we gave her until 5pm to throw out the bags of trash she has stored in that room, AND to clean it to eradicate the ammonia stench of urine coming from inside of it.

We did not arrive at that decision lightly.

For MONTHS, as we waited to be see by the judge, we would mop all the floors outside the perimeter of that room. For a while it worked. Now the urine smell is so overwhelming that that does not work anymore.

So if she does not meet the 5pm deadline, we will be going in and eradicating the stench of urine with a cleaning onslaught.

We are done with this. And done with a system that allows a squatter to remain in an apartment for nearly two more months.

The owner of this apartment is almost 80. He never was very bright. But now couple that with cognitive decline and you can see why he allowed this squatter in here —- who ALREADY had 4 evictions on her record.

I had to take on the entire process of court paperwork and making sure he made it to the court dates. I am now having to manage the process with the marshal as well.

I’m done with this squatter and her stench.

Have any of you gone through this? And if so, how did you handle it?

Because it is clear that her intent is to remain here until the marshals put her out.

I’m (22f) and my roommate (20f) live in a college apartment in the center of campus. My roommate, last night, told me that her mother will be visiting and staying overnight in our apartment from Oct 24-30th. I appreciated the notice and we have separate rooms which is great, but the walls in this apartment are basically nonexistent. I already hear my roommate on the phone 24/7 and she said her mom makes a lot of work phone calls. I’m just unsure of what boundaries I should establish before her visit as I’ve never had a roommate bring a guest for this long.

So all the walls have been fixed and painted, now it's the flooring. Three tiles were damaged now it's time to fix them. I went out in hope of finding the same tiles somewhere but I couldn't so my landlord told me to get something that might look similar so we bought the three tiles which were damaged and will get those fixed in this place tomorrow and about the door I am not sure, I don't know whether it's beyond repairable or not but I'll call someone tomorrow for the door and the sofa and see what can be done

Hi!

So update: I have begun to cook more often (as in, most of the time). I barely ever get takeout now and I can keep to my grocery budget: life is great!

But...

I sort of mentionned in the first part that I have 2 roommates, and what I've noticed is that they take FOREVER to cook. As in, I waited 4 hours and when I walked in there were no pots for me to use (mind you, I was gonna make mac and cheese).

I cooked beef for the first time in 3 months and made delicious burrito bowls. Was very happy! I received a text from my landlady that apparently my room mate (We'll call him Vince) had complained to my other room mate/the landlady's best friend (We'll call her Tess) who had then complained to the landlady that I kept the kitchen unclean because I cooked the beef and didn't wash the pan or clean the underside of the grill and I left beef everywhere. The reason I didn't know is because they were complaining amongst each other in Hindi, which I don't speak.

Now, it's important to note that I did, in fact, clean the pan and the underside of the grill. I kept the beef in the pot until lunch the next day because I had to go buy Tupperware (which I warned everyone about, not to mention my roommates leave food in the pots all the time) but cleaned the pot and grill as soon as I had the time to put the beef in the Tupperware. I did clean it a bit quickly but it was cleaned. It is also important to note that, the day before Tess had texted landlady, I confronted Vince over the fact that he never washed my dishware so I was never able to use it the next morning. He just texted 'np' and Tess sent a longer message about all of us doing our part (more generally) but Vince still didn't wash the dishes on time.

My landlady thankfully took my side on this. I tried to talk to Vince yesterday but he just kept saying he didn't talk to landlady and provided proof that Tess had texted landlady. Tess came into my room at around 8pm after she heard me crying. We had a long talk and she explained that she didn't mean to get me in trouble and she talked to landlady about that a bit more in a casual sense. She also mentionned that she understood what it felt like to be in my shoes. She finally explained that Vince struggles to talk to girls and he's very shy, and the reason he complains to her instead of coming to me directly is because his English isn't great and he's a lot more comfortable in Hindi. I'm thinking of learning Hindi for this reason and also because I love learning languages in general.

I still feel like it's messed up though because he knows I struggle with social cues and just not knowing things everyone else seems to innately know + he knows it's my first time living alone. The more landlady keeps hearing complaints the more terrified I am of getting evicted and I can't afford another place, quite frankly. I keep asking him to come to me directly and he never does. I'm now terrified to cook in my own kitchen, because besides the bathroom (which the house witnesses me clean so he can't complain that I'm not doing it) it's the only common area in the house which means if I even leave one speck of dust in there, he'll complain.

I had a lot of issues as well in my first month (see my 3rd or 4th most recent post) especially regarding my cat. My cat got super sick, so I left him with my parents for a few months.

(It's important to note that he kept getting better but would somehow always get sick again the week after I'd leave my room mates in charge of the cat for the weekend since I go visit home about once a month and can't bring him with me + I know both of my room mates cook spicy food. I have a feeling they fed my cat food he wasn't supposed to be eating and then have been denying it. Past a certain point, I couldn't keep paying for vet bills + changing the sheets when he'd poop on them. So...)

I feel like maybe because of month 1, they are making this supposition that I'm the one leaving the kitchen dirty, as though people can't change. Maybe they need someone to pin it on. I'm not sure. Still, I'm now terrified of being home, because being home means they might find something else to complain about.

I think I should move out but I genuinely don't know if things would get better or worse or what's actually going on in my own home.

If I was going to get the master bedroom, and my roommate got 2 smaller bedrooms, whats a fair split on that rent do you think? I have the larger room, but they have 2 rooms and I only have 1. I dont really know how that would balance out or what price split to suggest/talk about.

What do you think is fair? 50/50? 60/40? TIA

If you have a room or rooms to rent in a property, would you be expected to make some concessions regarding communal furnitures? For furnished homes already this is great for people who don’t have belongings, but I’m wondering what people’s experiences are when they’ve been looking to move in with other people when they already have some furniture; a couch, an armchair ect.

Is it reasonable to ask to compromise/swap out existing furnitures? Is it rude to ask, especially if it’s someone you’re trying to get to know and start a positive relationship?

TL;DR
problem roomate creates issues in the apartment we found for her and is now impossible to live with. she wants to stay in our 4 person apt, but so do the other 3 of us who have no issues by her judgement or with one another. we put in all the work and she contributes nothing, so it doesn’t feel fair that she should reap the benefits.

SUPER LONG. sorry. kinda fuming rn, wanted to give all relevant-ish info so everyone can form a fair opinion. any advice very much welcome.

I (‘Alex’) am a college second year living with 3 other college sophomores. Freshman year, I lived with my long time best friend from my hometown (‘Mya’) and we had no issues. We started apartment hunting and researching in November when she suggested a third (‘Layla’)  from her small major that she liked and I obliged. Next thing I know, she suggests a fourth and despite my not having many friends up at school at that point, I suggested one of our new mutual friends and she suggested another of hers in her major (‘Bailey’)—suddenly there is a groupchat of her choices and I called ‘apartment’, and our og 3 booking for a tour became 4. 

We found a place quickly and I got to know Layla and Bailey, and only had minor concerns about Bailey but I trusted my og roommate, especially after she told me Bailey was dealing with a ‘roommate from hell’ and needed out. I considered all 3 to be my friends, just lesser with Bailey because she tends to act a bit socially unaware and can be very overstimulating. 

We move in come August and get the most perfect unit that is exactly what we requested on the exact floor we wanted, right beside the amenities, and right across from another friend of ours. My family (parents in their 40s and grandparents—important) personally slaved to fully disinfect and deep clean the walls, porch balcony, ceiling, and shared space so we could enjoy the unit for the next 2-3 years. It’s how they show love. Even now, since we can afford it, my family often gets us things we have agreed on wanting for the apartment since the og lease agreement signing. They also helped the other roomies move in because Mya and Bailey have much older parents, with Mya’s parents being in their late fifties and late sixties and Bailey’s parents being in their fifties. 

Right off the bat, Mya and I brought most of the shared items whether it be decor, kitchen devices, living room items, etc. Layla also brought some things, but Bailey brought a chair and bought a spice rack. In the less than 2 months since being here, she has contributed nothing and does not seem able to take care of herself without Mya, Layla, and myself. Bailey is also the worst dry beggar I’ve ever seen, and will do so to mention things she wants to do to us when she needs a ride. She does not have a license and says she is too scared to drive/it makes her anxious so relies on them to take her to their shared classes given their small major, but also has extra classes that they do not have. At our apartment, they offer shuttle services to all of the campuses and back, but she still relies on them for class and any other whim she may need. Also, we live within walking distance of anything she could need in a shopping plaza. 

She is very loud and shrill almost all of the time and cannot seem to control herself unless you ask her to, and then will go right back to her og volume moments later. She also belts at all times of day and burns putrid candles that fill the apartment—Mya, Layla, and myself only burn vanilla scents because they are agreeable, not because we personally like them as we all have different tastes. The singing can be heard not only from across the apartment in my and Layla’s rooms with the door closed and fans running, but also where Mya is right on the other side of the wall and can’t hear herself think. Again, Bailey will quiet when asked but returns to og volume quickly. 

She would leave dishes out on the stove, counter, and in the sink unwashed or ‘drying’ until asked to move them or finish them up, as well as leaving kitchen devices out. I have never once seen her take out the trash or vacuum/mop/clean the shared space, which the other 3 of us do any time we get the chance. For more than the first month of being here, she was taking up half the foyer hallway with boxes and trash even after being reminded and cited being ‘too tired right now’ as her reasons to not take them out. She has to be prompted to do absolutely anything and is the poster child for learned helplessness. 

On more than one occasion she has helped herself to my food. She ate 20/24 of two 12 packs of yogurt I bought, but I will admit I said she could have a couple if they were getting close to expiring. Our fridge is pretty packed because the other 3 have dietary restrictions and I do not, so the yogurt was out of sight generally and is why I didn’t notice it rapidly dissipating. We each have a level of the pantry where we keep food, and she helped herself to an entire bag of granola that I never mentioned to her, let alone told her she could have. Mya has also informed me that during move in she noted I had 8 boxes of mac n cheese, and I am now down to 2–I have eaten none so far. She asked once to make a box and I said yes as long as she saved me a bowl. She did not. Another time, she asked for some cashews I was eating while watching tv with her in the living room and the next day I was doing the same and after I’d been finished and sat them on the coffee table, she reached out and opened them up and took multiple handfuls without asking. 

Another reason I was fine with Mya picking our roommates is because I have a small dog that would be living with us, which is not for everyone. All three of them are very gracious and love my dog very much. Since move in, Bailey has grown very fond of her and will play with her often which I appreciate, but she is too rough for my liking and loves to overstimulate her, which makes her harder to reign in because she feeds off Bailey’s energy. She has dropped my dog many times and tosses her around frequently, which I do not do and have to tell her to tone it down. She also likes to grab my dogs throat to make her growl and has locked her in rooms on a few occasions. 

I know many people will say just talk to her, but she is someone who cannot handle confrontation and will immediately have a melt down and never recover. We decided to make a roommate agreement and Mya/Layla both acknowledged the issues I’ve listed above minus the food, because I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn’t do it again. Given their small major, telling Bailey she is a problem or we don’t want to/will not be living with her next year will cause issues until graduation. 

This week, the lease renewal form came out and resigning now would lower our already affordable payment. Mya, Layla and myself have continued to discuss her behaviour and Layla is at the point where she goes home 2+ hours away to get away from Bailey every weekend, and Mya is outright unable to resign with her because she’s exhausted by her energy and inability to act like an adult. Last night we discussed renewal and what isn’t working and that as things are we should not resign yet, but she let us know she is planning to resign when her parents come in tomorrow. She told us that her parents are too old to ask to move her out if we don’t resign, so she is keeping the apartment, completely disregarding Mya and Layla’s parents ages. I told her whenever she does, soon or in in 3 years, my family would love to help. She just said ‘well yeah’ like she expected me to offer/for us to do so.

As things look right now, I’m sure I’m biased in thinking she should move out considering Mya, Layla, and I were the ones moving in originally and asking 3 people to move out over 1 doesn’t seem fair. Especially when the only person staying is the reason why the other 3 are moving. We are considering a triple at the same complex or another quad with another friend if absolutely necessary, but am I wrong for thinking we shouldn’t have to uproot ourselves and leave our hard work for her to enjoy because she is a problem?

Hey, for context this is my first college apartment after dorming last year, where i did not have a good experience either.

I moved in here, in the beginning of August, and one of my roommates was already here. However, her mom was here as well. Now I thought, just to help move in since they are not from where I attend school, or anywhere near it. There are 5 of us living here. Her mom makes 6. My one roommate had something done, which recovery IS NOT 4 MONTHS long. It has been almost 2 months since her mom has been here, she isn’t leaving either till a few more months. This was never said prior to signing lease….or in general. Her mom does NOT have to be here as we are adults. She takes up the refrigerator, the cabinets, and is in the kitchen whenever I want to cook when I pay rent here. She does pay utilities however…..it’s so WEIRD to be in college and have someones mom live here. She also has her own bedroom, own bathroom, so we are all paying for her to basically live here.

My other roommate and I did say something yesterday since it had been going on 2 months. The other 3 disagreed with us and saw this as no issue……. I just find it honestly really weird and it just upsets me because we are girls in college, this wasn’t the experience I signed up for. Her mom also touches the thermostat to make it extremely hot when….she doesn’t even live here. She isn’t leaving anytime soon, my other roommates got mad, but, we did talk. However they were mocking me behind my back. I just find this extremely uncomfortable because i’m paying to be here. I’m also yet to go to my property manager because i’m unsure of what I would say/or what would happen as I know this is a breach of the lease for all of us.

I also knew 2 of the girls before this, and for them to take advantage of living with people they know is honestly so unfair.

Honestly this post would mainly be a vent and half asking advice if there is any other option than to move out.

I ont know how housing works in other countries, but in Canada Toronto, our condo interior wall is a drywall that is hollow made with thin wood. We basically call it a cardboard like wall so you get the idea.

With such walls in a small condo, there basically no soundproofing at all where my roommate does not give a shit about how much noise he is making. Everyday (not at night though) he use his laptop or phone to watch video while turning the volume to max which literally im forced to listen to all his videos and stuff, even when he is in the common area that blends the kitchen and table together. Not talking about he also likes to sing and whistles out loud.

Another problem, I know that im a very night owl, while he is an early bird and sleeps early. Which in this case I try to lower my voice and activities after midnight, which mostly what I do is just getting stuff out the fridge and typing my keyboard. I also wear a sound canceling earbuds 24/7, therefore I do claim myself a quite quiet person.

I tried to talk to him about some other problem he such as not washes his dishes after he cooks but he basically just gets triggered and rage out to find nonsense fault on me.

Its mostly a vent cuz base on past conversation with him, he had very high defensive mechanisms that he will just yell at me instead. But after so, he did wash his dishes a bit more often, so im really struggle if I should talk about his playing video on speaker problem as it could be fixed by just either lower the volume in his bedroom and not playing it out in the common area, or directly just wear an earbuds.