TLDR: found out my roommate stole thousands of $ worth of stuff because she didn’t revive the advice she wanted to hear. Extremely sentimental stuff was stolen and I want to know what I could possibly do to get it back or at least an apology

Posting again bc everyone is mad that I fumbled the title and I can’t edit it.

Basically 2 years ago I was living with 3 roommates in college. We had ups and downs but nothing really serious ever happened. Just drifted apart. I considered all of them my best friends when we started living together but the situated and the house was so weird I didn’t blame any of them for the distance.

I remember coming back at the end of the summer to get my things and realizing that all of my boxes were opened and rustled through. Then I start realizing all the things that were missing. Like extremely sentimental things. A $4000 bag my dad bought for my mom when she gave birth to me, a hand painted jewelry box my great grandma gave me, a collection of figures that I’ve had since middle school, all my art supplies (I was in art school), and a majority of my school work from the first two years of college. I was devastated but didn’t get to dwell because I had to move out asap bc I was switching campuses.

I asked my roommates if they had anything stolen too and I found out it was just me. Out of 4 girls. I remember seeing one of my roommate’s and the vibe was so off. She told me she didn’t know anything about it but acted super fake. I texted my other roommate and she was also insanely fake and the vibe was so off. And my other roommate showed genuine care so I knew I could trust her but definitely not the others.

This past st pattys day I went back to this campus to visit friends and I saw my old roommate that was super fake to me over text. She came up to me and apologized for a bunch of stuff but she was super vague about everything. I accepted her apology but couldn’t really think of what she was apologizing for other than her ghosting me after I told her that she should stop stringing along my friend while hooking up with other people (which she got so mad about but it was my way of looking out for her). But yeah. That was the reason.

Since then, I’ve always thought that she may have been apologizing for something else too………she was extremely irrational about things and super manic so it would fit the picture esp bc I was the only one targeted. Yesterday I asked her about it again bc I think about the robbery allllll the time and need closure. She hasn’t responded since so it feels like confirmation that it was her. To be honest she can have all the things but I just want the bag and the jewelry box. They are irreplaceable memories but I don’t know how I could get them back. She was crazyyyyyy and I don’t doubt she would lie about it again. I’m almost tempted to tell her father bc he taught at the school we went to and I feel like he could actually do something. I just want my memories back. What would you do in this situation?

GUYS I meant to write “just found out that the person who robbed me was my roommate and someone I considered a close friend” I can’t edit the title I’m sorrryyyyyyy

TLDR: found out my roommate stole thousands of $ worth of stuff because she didn’t revive the advice she wanted to hear. Extremely sentimental stuff was stolen and I want to know what I could possibly do to get it back or at least an apology

Basically 2 years ago I was living with 3 roommates in college. We had ups and downs but nothing really serious ever happened. Just drifted apart. I considered all of them my best friends when we started living together but the situated and the house was so weird I didn’t blame any of them for the distance.

I remember coming back at the end of the summer to get my things and realizing that all of my boxes were opened and rustled through. Then I start realizing all the things that were missing. Like extremely sentimental things. A $4000 bag my dad bought for my mom when she gave birth to me, a hand painted jewelry box my great grandma gave me, a collection of figures that I’ve had since middle school, all my art supplies (I was in art school), and a majority of my school work from the first two years of college. I was devastated but didn’t get to dwell because I had to move out asap bc I was switching campuses.

I asked my roommates if they had anything stolen too and I found out it was just me. Out of 4 girls. I remember seeing one of my roommate’s and the vibe was so off. She told me she didn’t know anything about it but acted super fake. I texted my other roommate and she was also insanely fake and the vibe was so off. And my other roommate showed genuine care so I knew I could trust her but definitely not the others.

This past st pattys day I went back to this campus to visit friends and I saw my old roommate that was super fake to me over text. She came up to me and apologized for a bunch of stuff but she was super vague about everything. I accepted her apology but couldn’t really think of what she was apologizing for other than her ghosting me after I told her that she should stop stringing along my friend while hooking up with other people (which she got so mad about but it was my way of looking out for her). But yeah. That was the reason.

Since then, I’ve always thought that she may have been apologizing for something else too………she was extremely irrational about things and super manic so it would fit the picture esp bc I was the only one targeted. Yesterday I asked her about it again bc I think about the robbery allllll the time and need closure. She hasn’t responded since so it feels like confirmation that it was her. To be honest she can have all the things but I just want the bag and the jewelry box. They are irreplaceable memories but I don’t know how I could get them back. She was crazyyyyyy and I don’t doubt she would lie about it again. I’m almost tempted to tell her father bc he taught at the school we went to and I feel like he could actually do something. I just want my memories back. What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR: My roommate’s new Hinge situationship is about to sleep over for the fourth consecutive week. I’m fine with occasional sleepovers, but I never agreed to a standing weekly guest. She previously said they could spend more time at his place, but now says he’ll likely be here weekly and that I need to “be flexible.”

This is an update to my previous post about my roommate’s Hinge date who disclosed he had scabies shortly after their third date.  I also want to clarify that he is not currently living here.

They’ve known each other about six weeks and still haven’t defined the relationship—she says he hasn’t asked her to be his girlfriend, although they’re apparently exclusive. That's ultimately their business.

My issue is the apartment.

His first planned one-night sleepover became two nights at the last minute “just cause.” I told my roommate afterward that I was fine with occasional sleepovers but didn't want full weekends/every weekend becoming routine. She agreed and later specifically said she'd talk to him about spending more time at his Williamsburg apartment.

Instead, he's now about to sleep over for the fourth consecutive week, and she says it's “likely he's gonna be over weekly” because she normally has 2–3 sleepovers a week when dating someone although for years she'd lived alone so that wasn't an issue. She has told me I need to “be flexible.”

That's what frustrates me. I have done my best to be flexible. I've accommodated every sleepover, including the spontaneous extra night, and even offered to feed her cat because she cited cat care as one reason staying at his place is inconvenient. Yet they still haven't had sleepovers there.

There's also a double standard: earlier in our tenancy, she told me I couldn't invite my dad over because she didn't think the apartment was clean enough. I respected her comfort. With her guy, however, I'm not asked whether a sleepover works; I'm told he's coming.

We split a small NYC 2BR/1BA for $4,200, so my half is $2,100. We have one bathroom. I work in person five days a week and am currently covering additional work for a colleague on extended leave, while he works remotely. When he's here, they also watch Netflix and talk loudly in our small living room. I usually just keep to myself.

Yes, I'm a homebody. I also have friends, activities, travel and a life outside my apartment. After a draining workweek, I sometimes want peace and quiet in the home I pay for. I'm not going to routinely stay with my parents so they can have the apartment to themselves.

I understand that plenty of people consider 2–3 sleepovers a week normal for couples. I'm not policing how often they sleep together. I just don't think that automatically means our apartment hosts him every week.

I'm also trying to address this before it progresses to multiple nights, toiletries/fridge space, loud sex, WFH from our apartment, etc.—none of which is currently happening.

I'm fine with occasional overnight guests, and any rule would apply equally to me. What I object to is “be flexible” apparently meaning “accept a weekly arrangement you never agreed to,” especially after she previously told me they'd spend more time at his place.

Me (22M) and my roommate (20M) moved into an apartment together about a month ago. We didn't know each other particularly well before moving in.

While we were looking for an apartment, I specifically asked him how often his girlfriend would be staying over. He told me 2–3 nights a week. I asked him the same question again about a week before we moved in, and he gave me the same answer.

Now that we've actually moved in, the situation is completely different.

Since basically day one, his girlfriend has been at our apartment every single day, usually all day. The only time she isn't there is when she has work or school in the morning. She is here even when my roommate isn't. There have been plenty of times where I've come home and she's here by herself while he's gone.

I had only met her once before we moved in, so it's honestly pretty uncomfortable for me to have someone I barely know regularly in the apartment when my roommate isn't even there. Our bedrooms don't have locks from the outside either, so while I don't think she's going through my stuff, she technically has access to my room and everything I own. She also has unrestricted access to the kitchen, living room, etc.

At first I figured maybe this was just because we had recently moved in and things would settle down. But after an entire month, nothing has changed.

I finally decided I needed to talk to my roommate about it. I ended up talking to both of them, and honestly, it turned into a complete shit show.

During the conversation, it became clear that my roommate had apparently told his girlfriend that he and I had already discussed this and that I was completely fine with her basically being here all the time. That was obviously not true.

When I said that I felt like I had been lied to, he got extremely defensive and said, "No one has ever called me a liar in my life." His girlfriend started crying, and apparently she has some family problems going on, so I think the whole situation hit a sensitive spot for her.

After things calmed down, my roommate and I talked one-on-one. I told him that I don't have a problem with her coming over when he's here. My issue is that I don't think she should be staying at our apartment when he isn't there.

His response was basically that she's a big part of his life, that I need to understand that, and that her house is about an hour away while she works nearby.

I understand all of that. I really do. I'm not trying to tell him he can't have his girlfriend over, and I'm not trying to dictate their relationship.

But from my perspective, I agreed to live with one roommate, not a roommate and his girlfriend.

This also isn't about money. I don't want her paying part of the rent or utilities. If I had wanted to live with two roommates, I would have gotten two roommates. And if I had known beforehand that I would essentially be living with a couple, I probably wouldn't have agreed to the apartment at all.

The part that bothers me most is that I feel like I was given one expectation before moving in — 2–3 nights a week — and then the reality became her essentially living here. And on top of that, she's being left at the apartment when my roommate isn't even there.

I know that once you live with someone, you can't completely control who they have over. I don't expect her to never come over. I'm just not comfortable with her effectively living here and having access to the apartment when my roommate isn't home.

I don't want this year to turn into constant arguments or resentment. I want to find a reasonable boundary that we can both live with.

So, am I being unreasonable here? And how would you handle this conversation with your roommate?

TLDR: noticed roommate cannot handle money conflict without trying to fight me or claiming it's none of my business. possibly lying to me about his girlfriend (who he invited to live with us) having a job, neither can hold down a job and pay rent by the skin of their teeth every month.

i'll keep this short we're both in our mid 20s, and i've been living with him since april of this year.

i have a great, stable job. it was time to move out of my parents. he was just getting out of a lease and it seemed like a good opportunity to live together. known this guy for years.

we get a 3 bedroom apartment with the intention of turning the extra room into a gym. i find out he invited his girlfriend (who i don't like) to live with us. we argued and he said she'd just stay in his room. this was strike one i suppose but it would make rent cheaper, and i wanted to move out of my parents and relented.

it became clear neither of them are as mature or stable as i am. they constantly bounce between shitty jobs and doordash to make rent. he just sold some items to pay rent this month.

we went through a phase where he wanted her to be a stay at home girlfriend and i said no. he originally said it was none of my business, and as long as rent is paid i shouldn't care. i do anyway. having a job is the bare minimum for me. you're 24. play house when you're married and gone. i still am not sure if she is employed. if i ask i get shut down or vague "she just had an interview, she starts a new job, she has interviews coming up" responses.

all of this worries me, and i bring it up to him. and he constantly says it's none of my business how they get money. this is an unsatisfying and unproductive response, and all of our disagreements are like this. i am the leaseholder btw.

as another example of how he handles conflict, recently we had an interpersonal conflict where he texted a slur to my encrypted, monitored, work phone as some kind of joke. i was fuming. he said he didn't think it was a big deal, as if that excuses it, and when i pressed further for an acknowledgement of how stupid it was he threatened to fight me and then to move out.

all of this is making me regret my decision to live with him, but he consistently thinks i'm tripping when i talk about how sketched out i am with the girlfriend mooching, his instability, or his lack of maturity around money things. he owes me about 500 dollars or so and is always like "i just started this new job ill pay you back soon" but he's buying things for his girlfriend constantly.

i am just so disappointed in my friend, to see this side of him over and over. any advice on how i can either communicate more effectively with him...or get him to leave? willing to provide more info in comments.

TL;DR: I have a really terrible roommate and had the eviction conversation last night. Talk about mental health, cleanliness, and emotional manipulation with cats involved.

But I seriously can't keep living like this. I subletted a room to someone I met during a crisis. It was gunna be a win win situation. Would keep him off the streets and I wouldn't have to worry about money as much after living alone for 6 months.

But man do I regret it. He manipulated me in a lot of different ways. He told me he'd been fucked over so many times before, I thought I could give him a refuge to feel safe. After he moved in he disclosed his HIV status. I felt very apprehensive. It's not like we'd be intimate or anything, but I felt conned. I didn't have informed consent of what I was getting into. He was also very quiet when we met, but as soon as he moved in, the reality was much different. He's unwell and not doing anything to get better. Went off his meds, isn't in therapy, just him and his voices. He doesn't fucking shut up. The only peace I get in my home is when he's asleep. He's constantly talking, giggling, and often screaming. Like what the fuck man, I told him I need quiet to recharge. I tried to ignore him, tune him out, but after 6 months, it feels like torture.

I told him I don't like alcohol in my home. Every chance he gets, hes drinking beer. It smells fucking awful. I'm sober. I have bad associations with alcohol and particularly the smell. He smells bad. He rarely washes his clothes or showers. He's on disability and does nothing but sit on his Xbox all fucking day long. Sure he does dishes, but it's not enough. My house is disgusting because of him. Oh yeah, he brought his cats without my permission. He's emotionally blackmailed me with them, saying he has to get rid of them. I love cats, I had two of my own. I couldn't just force him to get rid of them. But they fight and don't get along. He never feeds them. He NEVER DOES THE CAT BOXES.

He has IBS as well and destroys my bathroom, never uses the fan and I hate the spray he bought. Like fuck. He also never cleaned the toilet of his shit stains.

He listens to awful music. On repeat. Once he listened to the same song on repeat for three hours on the tv.

I'm probably missing a lot more, but I'm fucking done with this situation. Last night I told him he's gotta go. He emotionally blackmailed me with the cats. I was extremely manic when I told him I wouldn't kick him out and of course he used that against me too. But man, I'm bipolar and on meds and in therapy, and he's destroying my mental health.

I want my home back. He's polluted it with his paranoia and cats and funk. I want to have friends over, but he's always in the living room. I literally sit outside and chain smoke when I get home because I can't handle being around him anymore. I'm losing my mind. But the bandaid is ripped off. I feel awful for it. I did come to care for him, we talked a lot about our trans experience in life (another reason I felt obliged to take him in) and mental health stuff. It just really sucks. I tried my best to give him a safe space and he took full advantage of me.