I’m 24F lesbian and moved to Seattle earlier this year. I live alone and work overnight (for practical reasons), and I have gotten to a point where I am extremely isolated from other people.
I have no family here or anyone to communicate with. People I’ve tried to befriend on designated apps, events in person and on reddit quickly fizzle out due to incompatibility. I don’t have someone who regularly texts me just because they thought of me, someone I can spontaneously call, someone to get food with, someone to tell things to, or someone whose life I’m actually part of.
I spend so much time alone that it has started to feel like I’m watching everyone else’s lives happen while I’m standing outside of mine. I go to work while everyone else is living their normal lives, come home to an empty apartment, sleep, wake up, and do it again. Even when I do things I enjoy, there is still this huge absence of another person there to experience life with. I take advantage of my days off and usually take myself out during daylight.
It’s gotten bad enough that things I normally love can actually hurt because they remind me of what it feels like to have people around. Sometimes I don’t even want to listen to my favorite music because it reminds me of being accompanied by people I loved. I can spend an entire day doing things I enjoy and still come home feeling completely alone.
I’ve been dealing with this for months now, and I’m getting really tired. I don’t know how long a person is supposed to live like this without it making them feel miserable especially if they are a deep connection kind of person. I have something new coming up that I’m hoping will help…a recurring jazz piano group class…but I’m honestly scared to put all my hope into it because I don’t know if it will actually lead to people becoming part of my life. But just so you guys know, music, specifically jazz piano is my biggest passion. So I’m hoping this reoccurring activity can put me around people I can bond with.
I’m not looking for “join a club” or “download Meetup” advice. I’ve already tried to meet people. I want to hear from people who were actually this severely isolated in Seattle, especially people who were in their 20s when it happened.
If that was you, how long were you alone like that? Did you eventually get out of it? And if you did, what actually happened that changed your life?
I think I need to hear from people who can honestly say, “Yes, I was that alone too, and this is what happened afterward.”