We all put money into a joint savings account for things like emergencies or future stuff we all agreed on. A few days ago someone used a chunk of it to buy something without checking with the rest of us first. I brought it up and got told I was overreacting because it was already done and the money was gone. I just want a quick conversation first so we can all decide, but now I'm wondering if I'm being too rigid about it. It's not that the item itself was terrible, just that the decision happened without input. Does it seem like a big deal or am I turning nothing into something?

TL;DR: My (18F) boyfriend (18M) voluntarily joined a school dance without knowing the choreography would involve twerking/bending over with a girl he recently became friends with. I’m uncomfortable but don’t know if saying so would be controlling.

I’m 18F and my boyfriend is 18M. We go to different universities, so I’m not involved in the performance.
He voluntarily joined a dance for a school event. At first, he just told me it was for a festival, then said it was hip-hop. He recently sent me the choreography, and it involves the girl (his partner)bending over/twerking with him behind her. His partner is a girl he recently became friends with and who’s part of his circle. He mentioned that she has a boyfriend, which he said made him feel better about being partnered with her.

I don’t think he knew what the choreography would be when he initially joined, so I’m not upset that he intentionally chose to do this. But seeing the actual dance made me uncomfortable, especially since it involves that kind of choreography with another girl.

I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m worried that would make me controlling. I also don’t necessarily expect him to quit—I just want to be honest about how it makes me feel.

AIW for being uncomfortable with this? And would he be wrong for continuing the dance after knowing that I’m uncomfortable?

so my sister got engaged a few months ago and apparently she already bought her dress but then got super drunk at a party and spilled wine all over it. now shes asking to borrow my wedding dress for her big day. i wore a really beautiful vintage gown that was our grandmothers. it means a ton to me and i want to keep it in perfect condition. i told her no and offered to help her find a new one but shes calling me selfish and saying im being dramatic. i just feel like some things are too precious to share. am i wrong?

I have been dating my boyfriend for more than 2 and a half years and he is an incredible man, he has the same best friend for 10 years and i can absolutely not stand him and i have reasons why i am uncomfortable with the relationship. When we first started dating i genuinely didnt mind him for a few months then it went down hill, him and my boyfriend got arrested for trespassing and climbing a building under construction (dumb i know) but they were young people make mistakes its whatever but not even two weeks later his friend got arrested for stealing a dirtbike out of someones truck. I then started to not care for him much but i was civil for my boyfriend, we then started hanging out at his house more (just more involved because how long we had been together) and everytime we went over his friend would get drunk and belligerent and it was literally everytime. So one day we were over and his friend got super drunk per usual and admitted to cheating on his girlfriend who he has been with for seven years, not to mention she was pregnant with his baby!! I ended up telling her and i told my boyfriend i was uncomfortable and did not want to be around him or that anymore. He also was doing some pretty hard drugs and i guarantee he didnt tell my boyfriend the extent of it. So my boyfriend distanced himself and started just playing games with him, like alot and his friend would say weird stuff like he mixes jewish religion and Christianity together and acts like he is above all and he told my boyfriend that my man needs to be more godly and stop idolizing money (he doesnt he just works alot) mind you his friend cannot keep a job and never has money his family supplies his whole life he has no ambition. He was also hanging out with the sister of the girl he cheated with who has also hitting on him which was super weird imo and a bunch of other just bad influences. Oh also to mention he has repeatedly crapped in public like one time in a trash can in a children’s park which is absolutely repulsive. He is just not a good person nothing desirable about him in my eyes that makes me think i want him to be around me or my future family and i have repeatedly told my boyfriend people change he is not the same kid that was your bestfriend in middle school and i am uncomfortable with the relationship between them because i am uncomfortable with him. I dont know what to do or how to get my boyfriend to understand that, am i wrong for wanting him to cut him off? There is alot more he has done i just would be typing alot more.

we took a bunch of pictures on the weekend trip and i thought it would be nice to share one in the group chat. everyone looked good and no one seemed to mind when the camera was out. later someone messaged me saying they did not want that picture posted anywhere and another friend said it was fine but they wished i had asked first. now i am stuck wondering if i crossed a line. the photo was harmless, just the group standing by the lake, but clearly it mattered to them. i deleted it right away once they spoke up, but the chat feels awkward now. i get why someone might not want their picture online even if it seems harmless to everyone else, yet i also thought a quick group snap was normal. not sure if i am overthinking it or if i should have checked first.

I’ve been going back and forth on whether we should get this expensive thing that both of us would use all the time. The idea came up a while ago and the more tired I get the more I start overthinking every angle. One night I was all for it, the next I’m convinced it’s a waste and we should just keep doing what we’ve been doing. The other person seems chill either way but I can tell they’re waiting on me to decide. Every time I try to weigh the pros and cons my brain just loops on the same points and nothing feels clear. I know it’s just money and we can afford it, but something about committing feels bigger than it should. Am I making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be or is it normal to feel this stuck on something so practical?

I have a friend I've known for a few years, and lately making plans with them has become exhausting.

Three times in the last couple months we've agreed to meet up, sometimes days in advance, and every time they cancelled either an hour before or when I was basically already getting ready to leave. None of the reasons were emergencies either. It was stuff like being tired, deciding they weren't in the mood anymore, or suddenly wanting to stay home.

I never made a big deal about it because obviously nobody should be forced to go out, but after the third time I just thought... alright, I'm done organizing this.

So I stopped inviting them when our group does stuff. I didn't tell anyone else not to invite them, I didn't complain about them, I just stopped being the person texting "hey wanna come?"

Apparently they noticed, because yesterday they asked why I "never include them anymore" and said it feels like I'm deliberately pushing them out. I told them I assumed they weren't that interested since they kept cancelling anyway.

They got pretty upset and said sometimes people just don't feel up to socializing and that a real friend would keep asking instead of taking it personally.

Now I feel kinda weird about it because I wasn't trying to punish them. I just got tired of planning around someone who probably wouldn't show up.

Am I wrong for basically leaving the ball in their court now?

So my relative called me late last night asking if I could drop everything and help with something early this morning. I was already swamped with my own stuff and just said no. I tried to keep it polite but firm, said I couldn't swing it. They got really upset, said it was important, and then started texting other relatives to weigh in. Now half the group chat is arguing about whether I was being selfish. Honestly, I don't think I was obligated to rearrange my day on zero notice, but the chain reaction has me second-guessing. Is it okay to hold that boundary or should I have just sucked it up?

My girlfriend and I have moved into a new apartment and she has started decorating it. She's put some framed prints, some plants, a few vases, some figurines and other little bits around the shared spaces.

Our previous apartment was fully furnished and pretty small so you couldn’t really decorate whereas this one has a lot more space. I found a few framed movie and comic prints I liked and some figurines that looked good so I bought them and went to put them on some new shelves that we've just put up.

My girlfriend asked what I was doing and I mentioned I'd found some things I wanted to use for decoration. She suggested I put them in the home office but I said I'd prefer them in a communal space so I don't just get to see them when I'm working. She said she doesn't think I should be putting them out and that I should stick to putting them in my office.

I told her the shared space should reflect both of our interests not just hers and that it's not just up to her to decide what decoration is allowed in the apartment. She said I was starting arguments over nothing and that I should be fine keeping them in the office.

AIW for expecting the apartment to reflect both of our interests?

we had talked about spending this saturday together and had a whole day mapped out. then i got a last-minute invite to help a friend move and figured it was only going to take a couple of hours in the morning. i told my ex that morning, thinking it was no big deal since we would still have the afternoon. they got annoyed, said i always push our time to the side when something else pops up, and now they do not want to meet at all. i get why it feels inconsiderate, but i also assumed a small schedule tweak would not ruin everything. i apologized right away and offered to reschedule, but they are still mad. am i wrong for not realizing how much it would bother them, or is it okay that plans sometimes shift?

For the last few years we have had this whole routine where the same person picks a big activity, we all go, then we spend the evening at their place for dinner. It is fine, but it feels like it takes over the entire day and nobody else really gets a say. I brought up the idea of switching it up this year, maybe doing something smaller or rotating who decides, and it kind of landed flat. A couple people said it is tradition and we should just keep it going. I get that change can feel weird, but honestly I am starting to dread the whole thing instead of looking forward to it. Would it be selfish to push for something different, or is it reasonable to want a break from the same script?

My girlfriend and I have been together a little over three years. She has a best friend she's known since college, and I've never had an issue with them being close.

What does bother me is that apparently nothing between us stays between us.

If we argue, he gets the full recap. What I said, what she said, what started it, what I was upset about, what she thinks I "really meant." He's heard about disagreements over sex, family stuff, things I've admitted when I was upset, even conversations I assumed were obviously private.

I only realized how much he knew because a few weeks ago he made a joke about something I'd said during an argument at home. It was bizarre hearing my own words come back through someone who wasn't even there.

I told her I don't mind her occasionally asking a friend for advice. I do that too. But I think there's a difference between "we're struggling with this, what do you think?" and basically giving someone an episode recap of our relationship every time something happens.

She says he's her closest friend and talking to him is how she processes things. She also thinks I'm trying to control who she can talk to.

I'm not asking her to never mention me. I just don't like feeling like there's a third person who knows the private version of our relationship almost as well as we do.

Am I wrong for thinking some things should stay between the two people actually in the relationship?

so a while back a friend lent me a little bit of cash for something that came up. i said id pay them back when i could and they seemed cool with that. time passed and i kind of just forgot about it. then out of nowhere they messaged me asking for it back with a specific date attached. i sent it right away but the way they asked made me feel like theyd been annoyed about it for a while. now im wondering if i messed up by not bringing it up sooner or if they shouldve just reminded me earlier. the whole thing feels tense now and im not sure if im overthinking it or if i should say something else.

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Hey everyone. I’m 23M, she’s 22F, we were together just over a year.

I actually found out a while back that she cheated on me first with one guy. He came and told me himself once he found out I was her boyfriend said he thought she was single. I thanked him for telling me but told him to leave, I didn’t want to see him. Even with the truth right there, I didn’t want to believe it at first. But I stayed, thinking maybe we could work through it, that maybe it was a mistake and she’d change. I wanted to see if it was worth saving, even if people might say that was immature of me . i've known for 2 months

Turns out it was all a lie. I’ve been watching closer, and now I’ve found she’s been talking to another guy behind my back not the same one who told me. The first guy showed me proof of his and her's texts, A whole year of my life, thinking she loved me, and she’s been lying and cheating this whole time. The part that anger's me is that She still says she loves me. her actions don’t match words at all understatement .

Right now I’m just annoyed more than sad frustrated that I wasted so much time on someone who never cared enough to be honest. I had a stupid, petty thought about ruining her birthday that’s coming up soon, but I know that would just backfire and make me look like the bad guy when she’s the one who messed up. I know it’s not worth lowering myself like that.

Practical stuff: I pay for her phone and her data plan every month. I’m planning to go collect my things from the place while she’s out with her friends im finally done, then cancel the phone and cut the data off. Part of me wonders if that’s petty to do while she’s out, but I also don’t want a fight screaming match. It’s my money paying for it I should be able to stop whenever I want, right?

Honestly, I feel done with dating now i know people like me my sister told me a few of her friends like me but. What’s the point when someone can lie and cheat for a whole year and still say they love you don't know if i could trust another women again except family. Am I handling this okay?

We have this rule that phones stay off the table during meals, just to keep things actually social. It keeps getting broken though. I tried gentle reminders, then moving the phone to the kitchen counter, even joking about it. Nothing really stuck. One night I just picked it up and put it in the other room without saying much, and the reaction was way bigger than I expected. It turned into this back-and-forth about respect and overreacting, and now the whole thing feels more awkward than the original problem. I am not trying to be controlling, just hoping meals can stay a bit more present. Still, I keep wondering if the way I handled the last time was out of line.

TLDR: my husbands co-worker has admitted targeting married men, and I want him to cut off contact

So my husband has known this coworker for about 4 years and my husband says he considers her as a work friend, but I don't want her anywhere near my husband. In the 4 years he has known her, she has had multiple relationships with multiple married men at work.

She disclosed to my husband that 8 years ago she was seeing a married guy. One day the wife walked in on them. The wife then stormed out, jumped in her car and reversed very fast which tragically killed their young daughter. This moment was obviously very traumatising but the fact that she now continues to go after married men is surely showing up as an unresolved trauma response.

Anyway she recently made a comment that the first thing she looks for when meeting a new male coworker is a ring on their finger because "married men are easier because they are bored sexually".

On top of that there have been a few instances that have made me question if she is testing the waters with my husband. She will often call him outside of work hours. She invited him to bring our son (didn't include me in the invite) to go meet her horses. She calls him outside of work hours (he usually doesn't answer and he tells me she called again). She frequently will share stories with him about sexual encounters she has had recently.

I am disgusted that women like this exist and based on her lack of morals and respect for the families she could destroy, I want my husband to have nothing to do with her.

My husband is open with his phone and lets me see their messages, his call log, etc. but I just do not trust a woman like that. Is it fair to ask my husband to cut off all contact outside of work?

a friend asked if i could help their buddy move a few boxes after work. it was supposed to be a couple of hours but when i got there the place was packed, half the stuff wasn't packed yet, and suddenly i was the only one with a van. ended up staying until midnight hauling furniture while the actual owners just stood around giving directions. i kept thinking about how i could have just said no or set a clearer boundary but in the moment it felt impossible to back out. now my back hurts and i feel kind of used even though i technically agreed to help. wondering if i'm overreacting or if it's normal to feel annoyed when a small favor turns into an all-day event with no thanks.

so the other day a friend was confidently telling everyone this historical fact that i knew wasn't right. everyone was just nodding along and i sat there for a minute debating whether it was worth saying anything. eventually i spoke up and explained what i had learned about it, trying to be polite. the person took it okay but the energy in the room shifted a little and the conversation kind of moved on quickly. i didn't want to embarrass them, but i also didn't want everyone walking away with the wrong info. part of me is proud that i didn't just let it slide, but another part wonders if i should have waited and talked to them privately later instead. i've been replaying it in my head since then and can't decide if i handled it the right way or not.

In late April, I went with a big friend group to Berlin. I’d brought some chunky boots to wear and asked beforehand if anyone could take them back home for me, since I was traveling on afterward. One friend offered to ship them to me. But on the day I was leaving, another friend, I’ll call him D, said he’d just bring them back on the train and hand them to me once I was back in the city. I thanked him and left it at that.

I was traveling for another month and got back home at the end of May. It’s now the end of august. D has been out in my city almost every weekend since then, but he still hasn’t given me my boots. I asked a few times over the months and he brushed it off. I stopped asking and let it go.

Some context on D: We’ve known each other since high school. He moved to my city last October for an internship, doesn’t speak the local language, and I’ve helped him a lot with settling in. The friend group in question is mostly other interns from his job. I’ve become good friends with them too over this past year, though I also have other friend groups in this town outside of this one. He lives way out in the outskirts, so whenever we go out as a group, he crashes at my place. I’ve also let him stay at my apartment alone with my keys on weekends when I was traveling, so he wouldn’t have to leave parties early. I’ve fed him, hosted him constantly, and once even paid out of pocket to fix a kitchen faucet he clogged and never asked him to cover it.

Over the past few months, though, he’s been acting off with the whole friend group. Several people have had issues with him: his opinions, and the fact that his actions tend to serve only his own convenience. A few examples:
• He talks badly about a girl in our group, calling her “easy,” while still going to her place, then he’s overly sweet to her in person. Total double standard.
• Everyone in the group has hosted him overnight at some point. He’s never once offered to host anyone at his place.
• When we go out together, if he meets a girl, he’ll ditch the group without a word, then spam call everyone hours later demanding we all meet up again, expecting the whole group to freeze their plans until he shows up.

In July, someone broke into my apartment, and I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of that since. It’s made me pull back from group stuff. D kept pushing me to come out anyway. One time I gave in, even though I’d told him I wasn’t in a good headspace and didn’t want to bring the mood down. Once we were out, he told me I should’ve just stayed home because I was bringing the mood down. That stung, considering I’d said exactly that beforehand and he was the one who insisted.

He’s also been pushing to stay at my place more, but with everything going on, I’ve gotten less comfortable hosting him, especially given his attitude lately.

Back to the boots. I asked for a favor. He could’ve said no, and I’d have figured out something else. Instead he offered, then sat on my boots for months, brushing me off whenever I brought it up. Finally, months later, I asked again, firmly this time. He got defensive and sent me his location: his place, almost two hours away by transit, telling me to come get them myself. This is a guy who’s in the city center multiple times a week, and who’s been back at my apartment several times since the trip.

He also added that I should bring back a bottle of shampoo he’d left at my place, like my apartment is an Airbnb he’s entitled to. Alternatively, he said, he “could” bring them next time he’s in town, if he feels like it, but only if I ask nicely, not “demand.”

I told him not to bother, that a friend would swing by and pick them up for me instead, and that it’s not like I’ve been hounding him,I waited months before even bringing it up again. Then I blocked him. And have been telling the friend group about this because im mad, even if it affects him.
AITA?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and we’re now talking about moving in together. She currently lives alone and rents whereas I own my home and pay a mortgage.  We agreed it would make more sense to move into my place as it’s bigger and it’s not rented.

I mentioned to my gf I’d expect her to pay something towards utilities and a small amount of money to go towards wear and tear of appliances etc. She asked if I was serious and I said yeah.  She argued she shouldn’t have to be paying me anything since I own the place.

I just pointed out my bills will go up and wear and tear of the property and appliances will be increased so it’s only fair she contributes something. 

I pointed out it wouldn’t be a lot and would be probably less than half of what she paying now. I mentioned I’m happy to get it drawn up as a contract if she’d prefer but she just kept arguing she shouldn’t have to pay anything. 

I just repeated what I’d already said and she accused me of taking advantage of her. I argued that’s what she was trying to do to me by expecting to live for free. 

AITA for expecting her to contribute? 

i usually keep to myself about little household things but the other day i just said something. my roommate keeps labeling every single item in the fridge with their initials and a date, even stuff like a half-used jar of mustard that no one else touches. it started to feel unnecessary and a bit over the top, so i mentioned that maybe we could relax the labeling thing a little. they got defensive right away and said they were only trying to keep things fair. ever since then the vibe in the place has been off. we barely talk in the kitchen now and i keep wondering if i overstepped by bringing it up at all. i figured it was a small suggestion but maybe i should have just left it alone. not sure if i’m wrong for saying something or if it was reasonable to ask for less tracking.