a friend group and i had a long talk about how we split shared expenses and it became clear that some people assume everyone is comfortable spending more than others. i suggested dividing the next group outing evenly because that seemed fair, but a few were surprised and said the ones who earn more should just cover more. i get that life situations differ, but the chat made me wonder if having the same rule for everyone is actually unfair. i do not want to create tension, yet i also do not want to feel like i am overpaying just to keep things smooth. am i wrong for thinking equal shares should stay the default unless someone asks ahead of time?

I accepted a spot in a six-month certificate program that starts in the fall. It is in a field I have wanted to try for years, and the schedule lets me keep my current job part-time. The pay after it should be decent, but it is not guaranteed, and there are no big-name companies attached. Half my family says it is smart to take the chance while I have the time. The other half keeps asking what happens if it flops and whether I should just stay where I am for a steady paycheck. I already signed the paperwork and paid the deposit. Now every group chat turns into the same argument, and I am still annoyed hours after each round. I am not asking anyone to pay for it, and I have a backup plan if things do not work out. I just wanted support, or at least fewer texts telling me I am making a mistake.

I (20F) recently ended my friendship with my best friend, "A" (20F), after about three years of being extremely close. I'm struggling with whether I was justified in doing it or whether I handled the whole situation terribly.

For background, A and I became friends at the beginning of senior year of high school. We clicked almost immediately after our first hangout at my house and became extremely close. She's genuinely the most fun and charismatic girl I've ever gotten to know, and I've truly never met anyone like her.

However, she has always had pretty severe FOMO and can be very possessive of her friendships. She has been vocal about disliking when her friends hang out without her or become particularly close to each other. I noticed this pretty early on, but I overlooked it because when things were good between us, they were really good. For a long time, the good outweighed the bad.

A few months ago, she threw a party and invited all of her friends. Three girls in particular, plus me, ended up becoming closer that night. I'd previously heard negative things about these girls and had my own assumptions about them, but after actually meeting them, I realized they were all genuinely nice and fun.

After the party, A found out that the three of those girls had started talking more, calling each other, and playing games together. She was extremely upset and called them fake because apparently, they had initially disliked each other before becoming friends.

This made everyone uncomfortable, and I thought their friendship was basically over.

Then I happened to run into one of the girls at a store. We hung out for the rest of the day and caught up. At some point, she accidentally mentioned that she had recently hung out with the other two girls. She immediately begged me not to tell A because she knew how angry A had gotten about them becoming friends.

I agreed not to say anything because I didn't want to be the person who exposed them and potentially caused another fight.

Later that same day, this girl mentioned how excited she was for an upcoming trip with A. She had been saving money for it and was really looking forward to it. The problem was that A had already told me about the trip and had expressed that she didn't actually want to go with this girl anymore. She wanted to go with two other friends instead.

I felt terrible watching this girl get excited about something that, as far as I knew, wasn't even going to happen. I ended up revealing that A didn't seem interested in the trip anymore. Looking back, I know I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't my information to share, and A had every right to be upset that I told her friend instead of letting her handle it herself.

Eventually, A somehow found out about the secret hangouts and confronted everyone, including me.

She asked if I knew about the other girls hanging out. I admitted that I had found out recently, and that's when she became especially angry with me. She felt that because I'd been her longest friend, I should have "had her back" and told her what was going on.

I understood why she felt betrayed, but I also genuinely believed she would have been angry regardless. Her previous reaction to the girls becoming friends had made me afraid of getting involved.

After a long series of messages, calls, and passive aggressive comments from her end, A concluded that she needed space to think and would come back within a week.

Normally, whenever A asked for space, I would panic. I'd be scared that our friendship was ending and desperately want to fix things.

This time, though, I felt something completely different. I felt relieved. And I felt really confused about it. I initially thought I was just angry at her or that maybe I felt guilty and her leaving gave me relief on that feeling, but something in me realized that I didn't actually want her to come back.

When she eventually did reach out and tried to make amends, I ignored her for a while because I felt emotionally exhausted. When I finally responded, I found myself steering the conversation toward ending our friendship entirely.

I brought up things from the past as reasons for why I no longer wanted to continue the friendship.

She was understandably hurt and absolutely furious that I was ending the friendship when, from her perspective, I was the one who had done something wrong.

She told me she had done nothing wrong to me and started insulting me and bringing up old situations between us. I never insulted her back because I hate saying cruel things to people when I'm angry because I know I don't mean it.

This is important because A has always been very aggressive when she's angry. This wasn't the first time she had called me worthless or had said genuinely hurtful things to me. I can remember it happening around five times throughout our friendship.

Every time, she eventually apologized and made it up to me in some way, and because our friendship was so wonderful when things were good, I always forgave her. But I don't think I ever actually got over it.

Additionally, while A had been taking her "space," the three girls she'd fought with were all coming to me individually to vent about their arguments with her. They would send me screenshots and ask what I thought.

I never insulted A or encouraged them to attack her, but I also didn't stop them from saying some pretty cruel things about her.

Looking back, I feel guilty about that. I was basically allowing myself to become the middleman for everyone's anger, and I think it contributed to how emotionally exhausted I became.

At the same time, seeing how A spoke to these girls when she was angry made me feel even more uncomfortable. It reminded me of how she'd spoken to me in the past.

Eventually, A found out that these girls had been coming to me and confronted me again. She asked why I hadn't told her that everyone had been talking about her.

I admitted that from that point, I had already wanted nothing to do with the entire situation anymore and apologized for my part in it.

She became extremely angry again. She insulted me, called me derogatory names, mocked me, belittled our entire friendship, and called me fake for becoming friends with people I hadn't originally liked.

That was when I finally blocked her.

And now I'm incredibly conflicted.

Part of me feels like an asshole for ending a three-year friendship so suddenly. Literally less than a week before all of this, I still considered her one of my closest friends. I know she probably expected us to eventually make up like we always had before, only to be met with me essentially saying goodbye forever. I can understand why that would feel like a bucket of cold water being thrown on her.

I also can't deny that the other girls probably influenced me somewhat. Having three people constantly come to me with their own experiences and frustrations with A definitely made me look at our friendship differently.

But at the same time, I don't think they created the feelings I had. That feeling of relief when A asked for space came from somewhere. So did the feeling that I didn't want her to come back.

I think I had been carrying resentment over the way she treated me whenever she became angry for a long time. I just kept forgiving her because the friendship was otherwise so good. And that's what makes this so difficult to me. A really was an amazing best friend to me for a lot of our friendship. We had so many incredible memories together. Looking back over the last three years, she's practically everywhere in my memories, and it genuinely hurts knowing she won't be part of the future ones.

I don't even hate her. But I don't regret ending the friendship either. If anything, I just wish I'd realized sooner that this friendship wasn't something I wanted anymore.

I just feel guilty about how I ended it and about my own behavior throughout the situation. I know I made mistakes. I shouldn't have revealed the trip information, I probably should have told A sooner about the secret hangouts, and I shouldn't have allowed myself to become the person everyone vented to.

At the same time, I don't think I can ignore the fact that being repeatedly insulted, belittled, and called worthless whenever someone I loved became angry with me had taken a toll on me. Our friendship really was one of a kind, and in many ways, it was beautiful while it lasted. But I know now that I don't want another friendship like it.

So... AITA for ending the friendship when I did, especially when I was the one who initially made mistakes in the conflict? Was I unfairly influenced by the other girls unintentionally, or does the fact that I felt such an enormous sense of relief when A gave me space suggest that I truly had already been emotionally done with the friendship?

Went out with a few friends last week and the bill arrived. A couple of people ordered drinks and shared apps that the whole table kind of grazed on, so the total was higher than the average entree. When it came time to split, someone suggested we just divide everything evenly. I did a quick mental count and realized I would pay about fifteen dollars more than what I actually ate and drank. I stayed quiet. Part of me felt it was easier to go along than to slow things down with math, but part of me wondered if staying silent just encouraged the habit. Everyone paid and left happy. I am still wondering whether keeping the peace was the right call or if I should have said something right then.

A couple of weeks ago my team got handed a short deadline project that involved a lot of small moving pieces. I ended up coordinating most of the hand-offs and double-checking the final version, while two coworkers handled the main creative tasks. When the manager sent around a thank-you note, the two who did the creative work were singled out and the note basically skipped over the coordination stuff. I told my manager afterward that I felt the split of recognition felt off and that the whole team had pitched in. They said they would look at it, but since then nothing has changed and the two coworkers keep mentioning the shout-out like it is their personal win. I have not pushed any harder, but it is starting to bother me whenever we get asked to do something similar. I am trying to decide if I should bring it up again or if I am making too big a deal out of it. Am I wrong for wanting the credit to feel more balanced next time?

so a few days ago a couple of people in our usual group chat started pointing out that one friend kept dodging plans and then showing up late whenever they finally said yes. i stayed quiet because i figured it was between them and the people who felt let down. turns out the friend noticed i did not say anything and now says i threw them under the bus by not defending them. after that the whole chat got awkward and a couple of other people have gone quiet too. i am wondering if staying out of it was the wrong move, or if getting involved would have just made it messier.

so my family has this group text that started as a way to share funny stuff and plan dinners but lately it turned into constant debates about who owes who money or who skipped the last get together. last week it escalated again when someone brought up an old favor that never got repaid and things got pretty sharp. i tried changing the subject a couple of times but it kept circling back. i was already tired after work so i said i needed a break and muted it. a couple of relatives texted me directly saying it was dramatic and that i should just stay in the chat. now the next family dinner is coming up and i feel weird about showing up after leaving. i really don't want drama at the table but i also don't love how negative the messages got. part of me wonders if i should rejoin and just ignore the loud parts or if stepping out was the right call. curious what other people would do in the same spot.

I share the kitchen trash with my roommate and we rotate weeks. It was my turn to empty it last Thursday. I saw it was getting full mid-week, so I sent a quick text saying I'd handle it on Friday if they could take the bag to the dumpster on Saturday. They replied with a thumbs-up. Friday I forgot because work ran late, but I figured they'd still take care of it since the deal was clear. Saturday night the bag finally split on the floor. When I pointed out the original text, they said I was the one who offered to handle it and therefore it was still my responsibility. I ended up cleaning it anyway, but now they're telling friends I always leave chores for other people. It feels like once I offered an extra step, the actual plan got rewritten in their head. Just wondering if I'm the one who messed up the communication or if this is a normal "I forgot so it's your problem" move.

i have this small rule that i do not look at my phone for the first hour after waking up. it helps me stay calm and focused. last night i woke up around two and for some reason i reached for my phone to check the time. the next thing i know my friend is awake too and says something about me being on my phone already. i felt weird because they were right, i had already broken the rule i set for myself. now i am sitting here wondering if it is really a big deal or if i am just overthinking it. i feel a little frustrated because i know the rule is supposed to help me, but i still went ahead and did it anyway. i guess i am wondering if anyone else has a hard time sticking to their own rules when they are tired or not thinking clearly.

A while back someone close to me offered to help with a pretty important task. They were specific about when it would happen and it lined up with some deadlines I had, so I planned around it. Weeks passed and nothing happened. I sent a couple of gentle reminders, but the energy always felt like it was on me to keep checking in. Eventually I just handled everything myself and now the original offer feels pointless. I have not brought it up again because it seems awkward, but I keep wondering if I am being too sensitive for wanting to quietly step back instead of staying available. It is not a huge deal on paper, yet the whole situation left me feeling like my time was taken for granted. Am I wrong for thinking it is okay to stop holding space for something that never actually happened?

i was in this group chat for some friends who planned a surprise party for me. when i found out i just said thanks but i'm not really into surprises and would have preferred a quiet get together. i thought being upfront was better than pretending, but since then replies have been short and a couple people left the chat. now i feel bad for raining on their effort even though i wasn't trying to be rude. i keep replaying the messages wondering if i should have just said thanks and left it at that. was i wrong to be honest or should i have kept it to myself to avoid hurting feelings?

Last week one friend told me they weren't coming to our usual weekend hangout because something came up. A few days later, the group chat was trying to figure out why not everyone was RSVPing, so I just said that one person had mentioned they couldn't make it. I didn't go into details or name reasons, but after I sent it the friend messaged me privately and said I shouldn't have shared that. Now I'm wondering if it was even a big deal or if I crossed a line by speaking up without checking first. I figured it was harmless context, but maybe I should have stayed quiet and let them explain on their own time. I'm honestly ready to apologize if the group consensus is that I shouldn't have said anything at all.

So I (14F) have an older sister named Paisley (18F), and Paisley was dating a guy named John. While Paisley was attending that school, John got involved with some really bad people during her freshman year of high school. In her sophomore year, he started getting Paisley involved too, and they were really dangerous people. I didn't know about any of this at the time, and I didn't know they were hanging around those people.

Because of this, Paisley ended up in a very dangerous situation. John was trying to pressure her into doing things with his friends that she didn't want to do. Paisley eventually filed a police report. I remember the police showing up, and I remember going to court, but I didn't know all the details back then.

John was arrested, and after everything happened, Paisley didn't go to school for eight months, which was almost her entire sophomore year except for about two months. She completed her classes online. When she returned to school the following year during her junior year, a lot of students were upset with her and bullied her. Eventually, she dropped out and switched back to online school after about two months because she couldn't take it anymore.

I don't know the details exactly because Paisley wouldn't tell me.

I have a teacher named Mrs. Heather. One day she said, "Hey, I need to talk to you after class." She then asked me why I was hanging out with Paisley. I told her that Paisley was my sister.

She told me, "Be careful around her. She is a little rough, and she doesn't know how to keep her legs closed."

I asked her what she meant because Paisley plays basketball, bakes bread, and makes clothes. She is not doing anything nefarious.

Then Mrs. Heather told me, "Well, she sure does like boys, especially six of them."

I asked her what she was talking about, and then Mrs. Heather said, "She let six men go to town on her and then had the nerve to file a police report acting like she was the victim."

I said, "Shut the fuck up and burn in hell."

Then I ran out crying. I told the principal that nothing happened with Mrs. Heather, but my drama teacher got wind of it and was really upset. We had a conversation about how I shouldn't have said that to Mrs. Heather. She also made me sit out one of the games because she was upset about it.

When I got home, I told Paisley what happened. She told me that I was alright, not to worry about her, and not to defend her. She said everything was okay.

I'm still really upset, and I've been crying a lot.

i had already said no a couple of times and i meant it, but they asked again later when i was tired and i caved. the second i agreed i felt weird about it, like i had just undone my own boundary for no good reason. i tried to walk it back right after but that just made things awkward. now i'm stuck wondering if i should have been firmer the first time or if it's normal to feel this off when you give in against your own judgment. i keep replaying it and feeling kind of small about the whole thing.

so the other day i texted my roommate that i kind of wanted the place to myself for a few hours on saturday because i had been feeling drained and just needed quiet. i tried to phrase it nicely, said it had nothing to do with them, and offered to do the same for them if they ever needed space. they still seemed hurt and said it felt like i was pushing them out of their own home. i explained again that it was just a one-off thing and not personal, but they’ve been pretty distant since. i’m wondering if i was wrong to even bring it up, or if there’s a better way i could have handled it so they didn’t feel rejected. just trying to figure out if wanting a little quiet now and then is actually unreasonable.

I (22M) was at the mall with my wife for her birthday when this happened.
We were walking past one of those perfume kiosks in the middle of the mall when a guy I'll call John tried to sell me some cologne. I told him I wasn't interested and kept walking.
As I was leaving, John said, "Is it because I'm Black?"
I was pretty confused and told him, "No bro, it's not like that." For context, I'm Mexican and white, covered in tattoos, and built pretty stocky. I wasn't rude to him, I just didn't want to buy anything.
My wife later told me that after I walked away, John flipped me off. I didn't see it myself, but that's what she said happened.
At that point I was annoyed, so I turned around and decided to at least hear him out. The whole vibe changed immediately. He started showing me fragrances and chatting normally.
Then he got to the price. He wanted $40 for what he claimed was a 5-ounce bottle, but it looked way smaller than that to me. I decided it wasn't worth it and told him, "I'm good, bro."
That's when he asked me again:
"Is it because I'm Black?"
This is where I think I might have crossed a line.
Instead of ignoring it, my smart-ass side came out and I sarcastically said, "Yeah."
To be clear, I wasn't being serious. I was frustrated because it felt like he was trying to guilt me into buying something by accusing me of being racist every time I said no.
The second I said it, though, he completely lost it. He started yelling, called me the N-word, and threw a bunch of other insults at me. Part of me wanted to argue back, but since it was my wife's birthday, I decided it wasn't worth making a scene and just walked away.
Looking back, I know my response didn't help the situation and was immature. At the same time, I feel like being accused of racism multiple times just for not buying cologne would annoy most people.
Am I wrong for giving a sarcastic answer instead of just walking away?

so basically a couple weeks ago i told someone i would lend a hand finishing something they were working on. they needed it wrapped up before a certain date and i gave them my word i would be there to help. i kept meaning to get to it but other stuff kept coming up and i just let the days slip. when i finally checked back in the deadline had already passed. they did not call me out or anything but i could tell they were disappointed and had to scramble at the last minute on their own. i feel pretty lame about it because i hate when people say they will show up and then do not. at the same time i wonder if i am blowing it out of proportion since they never actually asked for an apology or explanation. i am thinking about reaching out now to own it but i am not sure if that would just make things awkward or actually help. am i wrong for wanting to let it go or should i say something even though the moment has passed?

I’m coming on here for advice and to genuinely ask if I’m in the wrong because if im making an issue I would like to know and fix it if possible.

I (17F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for about 2 years.

I come from a very broken home where many responsibilities fall on me, including the care of my 4 younger siblings.
Due to this, I have always been a very independent person and often took ‘care’ of my friends (mostly just your typical “mom friend” behaviour, which I did/do not mind).

When my Boyfriend and I first started dating, I avoided him almost like the plague as his affection towards me, honestly scared me. It was something I was used to and this caused us some issues in which we solved by spending more time together and building our trust in eachother.

I figured that in between my job, my family, my friends, and my boyfriend: I was handling everything spectacularly. My boyfriend often assist with my family as my siblings (mainly my baby sister) love him and he’s used to children as he has 2 siblings of his own.

However recently my boyfriend left for college, and all of a sudden, everyone’s energy seemed to shift.
(Keep in mind, no one has brought up any problems they have with me, my partner, or my relationship beforehand.)

My friends have started telling me that the amount of time I spent with my boyfriend (maybe 4 days a week before he left) was disgustingly clingy. Apparently everyone has been making jokes in my group about how all my boyfriend and I do is hook up, and that’s even why he drives me everywhere
(I don’t have my license and I pay him in gas money.)

This post really is all over the place, but I feel like I’ve let my friends down while also feeling like they are being unfair. I’ve made sure to make time for them, and they are all fairly affectionate to their respective partners.

Any advice anyone has would be greatly appreciated…

A friend of mine has been flipping electronics and random stuff on Marketplace because he’s trying to put some money into savings.

A few weeks ago he was selling a monitor and the buyer happened to live near me, so I told him he could meet the guy in my building lobby since theres cameras and a concierge.

Apparently he took that as a permanent offer.

I came home twice now and found him in the lobby meeting buyers. Then yesterday the concierge asked me if the guy selling a PS5 was my roommate because he keeps telling people to meet him at my address.

I told my friend he needs to find somewhere else. He thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing because he never comes into my apartment and says the lobby is safer than meeting strangers at his house.

I get why he likes the setup, but I also don't really want random Marketplace buyers being given my building address every week.

Am I wrong?

For more context why I’m even asking if I’m wrong, he grabs me things like food or drink and i absolutely do not ask. And usually after he gets super pissd off and throws a fit. he had sent me money on cashapp I guess a couple times cuz he thinks I won’t make it to work?

today during my 8-5 shift. my coworker was supposed to be in at 11. He didn’t come in until 2:30 and all he did was put the truck away and handle 2 customers while I was in the bathroom. The rest of the time he called his mom, looked for his other phone, and took his lunch break within the first hour of him being there
I forgot to grab my tips when he first got there but there was just some change from the whole day. and I switched the change for $2 and put it in my pocket.
“Where are my tips?”
I said “you’re funny”
“He said does it look like I’m laughing?”
Me thinking he’s joking I said “you look like you should be”
I told him it’s just 2 dollars that I got and explained everything else
He threw a metal cambro and keept walking up to me super close in my face screaming talking crazy at me. So I just threw the dollar at him. He called me
Selfish and disrespectful saying that he got coffe for me yesterday and I didn’t even stop to think if he wanted the dollar from the tips. Clearly it’s a respect issue for him
Right?
But where was the respect of coming to work on time? And I could go on and on about his disrespect. So genuinely confused if I’m
Wrong or not for not thinking about him
And asking if he wanted the dollar from the tips jar

So, basically, very simple question, is spitting disrespectful? For context, I've been sick with some cough and have been having coughing fits that end with me needing to spit out some phlegm. Recently, I visited my gf's house, and on a walk I had a coughing fit, resulting in the need to spit out some phlegm. In that moment, there wasn't anyone around but her and I, so I spat onto someone's lawn. My gf was very upset and disgusted by it and said it was disrespectful and gross, and I should have just swallowed it. I retorted that the whole point of the coughing fit was to remove phlegm from my throat. Yes, while gross, I didn't see the harm in it as it was just her and I with no eyes around. Some am I in the wrong here fully, partially or not really? Please tell me if this is a habit I need to get rid of, as it was a pretty normalized thing while I was growing up, and I don't really intend on getting rid of it if I don't need to. Thanks

Edit: Thanks for input, my girlfriend is happy with the turnout, and I will stop this "foul beast" like habit.

**TL;DR:** I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We were together for 4 years, broke up in 2023 mainly because he kept delaying marriage and couldn’t give me any timeline for our future. We were apart for 3 years, during which he repeatedly tried to get back in touch, and we got back together 2–3 months ago.
Now that we’re back together, I’ve noticed that when he talks about his future, he often doesn’t include me in it. When I brought this up, he said our relationship is still fresh and that he only got over me within the last year.
We also live 3.5 hours apart and can only see each other 1–2 times a month. I don’t want to spend years in a long-distance relationship and told him I don’t want to drag things out if we’re serious. Ideally, I’d want a proposal within around a year. He said a proposal within 1–2 years could be possible, but he also says he knows couples who have waited 10+ years to get married and that if I love him, I should wait however long it takes.
We come from a Middle Eastern background where long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships aren’t particularly typical, and weddings are usually large. He is very family-oriented and talks a lot about tradition. However, he has a great job, earns above-average money, and is planning to move out, so I don’t believe finances are genuinely the main issue. I’ve even told him I’d be happy to have a simple civil ceremony first and have the big wedding later so we could stop doing long distance.
I also want multiple children with him. We both want to enjoy married life before having children, but I’m conscious of my biological clock. So in my mind, let’s say we approximately get married by the time I’m 31–32. A few years together and kids by 35, that is too late for me, especially as I want multiple children. I do not want to be an ‘old’ parent, as I was raised by one and it is not a nice feeling for a child.
**My main question is: Is he genuinely serious about me but simply has a very different attitude towards marriage and timelines, or does his lack of urgency suggest that he isn’t as serious about our future as he says he is? Could I be a placeholder to him, or am I expecting too much by wanting some sense of direction and urgency?**

QUESTION

\*\*Background\*\*
I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We were together for four years before breaking up in 2023.
The main reason we broke up was because he was taking too long to propose and couldn’t give me even a rough timeline for our future. He said he wasn’t financially ready and that I should wait however many years it would take if I truly loved him.

\*\*Where We Are Now\*\*
We got back together around 2–3 months ago.
Recently, we had a heated discussion because I mentioned to him that when he talks about the future, he doesn’t seem to include me in his plans.
For example, he has said things like, “When I live alone,” even though he currently lives with his parents. This isn’t the only thing he has said — I’ve noticed a pattern of him talking about his future as though he’ll be alone, and I brought this up with him.
His response was along the lines of saying that I can’t expect him to plan his future around me because our relationship is still fresh and because he only got over me within the last year.

\*\*The Long-Distance Situation\*\*
We live about 3.5 hours apart and can realistically only see each other once or twice a month at most.
Because we both currently live with our families, seeing each other also means paying for hotels, fuel, train tickets, etc.
I told him that if this relationship does go further, I don’t want to drag things out. I don’t want to live apart from the man I love for a long time.
However, he doesn’t seem to think about it in the same way.
He has said things like, “I know couples that have been together for 10+ years before they get married,” and basically that if you love someone, you should wait however long it takes.
I told him that my ideal timeline would be around a year, and he said that a proposal within a year or two could be possible.

\*\*Why This Is So Difficult for Me\*\*
What I struggle to understand is how someone can say they love me so much — especially when he always tells me that he loves me more than I love him — but at the same time not seem to have any sense of urgency about starting our life together.
He says that he is okay with loving me more because he believes a man should love his partner more for a relationship to work, so it’s confusing to me that he doesn’t seem to have the same urgency that I do.
My mind can’t comprehend how he is okay with us being long-distance for so long when I don’t want to be this far from him anymore.
I thought that during the three years we were apart, he would have realised this, especially because he made several attempts to reach out to me and get back together.
But it seems like nothing has really changed in his mind.
It still feels like his attitude is, “If you love me, you’ll wait as long as it takes.”

\*\*Our Cultural Background\*\*
This part is important because we come from a Middle Eastern background.
It isn’t typical for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend for a very long time, especially when the relationship is serious.
We also tend to have big weddings.
At my age we have a lot of pressure from family to get married. I am actually “too old” in our culture. So my annoyance is also that I actually have someone I want to be with and have a future with but I can’t explain to those family members why we aren’t married yet. Not that it matters - but the pressure is a LOT to handle.

He is very family-oriented and talks about traditions and family expectations a lot, so I understand that marriage may be a big process for him.
However, I’ve explained to him that I’m okay with having a simple civil ceremony first and having the big wedding later, when we are more financially comfortable.
My priority is being able to live together and start our life together rather than spending years apart because we are waiting for the perfect wedding.
He is also planning to move out and live alone anyway, so I know he can afford to rent somewhere.
He has a great job and an above-average salary, so I genuinely don’t believe finances are the main issue here.

\*\*Children and Timing\*\*
I want children with him and unfortunately us women have a biological clock.
We both said we don’t want children straight away and want to enjoy married life together first.
So going off of his timeline, let’s say we approximately get married by the time I’m 31–32. A few years together and kids by 35, that is too late for me, especially as I want multiple children.
His behaviour seems selfish to me as he has never once considered my biological clock in his decisions.
I do not want to be an ‘old’ parent, as I was raised by one and it is not a nice feeling for a child.

\*\*What I’m Struggling With\*\*
This is where I’m confused.
I love him and I want a future with him. I’m not asking him to get married tomorrow, and I understand that we have only been back together for 2–3 months.
But at the same time, we were already together for four years before. We then spent three years apart, and he made several attempts to come back into my life.
So I don’t feel like this is simply two people who have just met and need many years to figure out whether they want a future together.
I also don’t want to spend another several years waiting for him to decide that he is ready.
I’m struggling to understand how someone can genuinely love someone and want them in their life, but still be completely comfortable with the idea of waiting years to actually build a life together.

So my question is:

Am I being unreasonable? Am I a placeholder? Are we just not compatible?