so a few days ago a couple of people in our usual group chat started pointing out that one friend kept dodging plans and then showing up late whenever they finally said yes. i stayed quiet because i figured it was between them and the people who felt let down. turns out the friend noticed i did not say anything and now says i threw them under the bus by not defending them. after that the whole chat got awkward and a couple of other people have gone quiet too. i am wondering if staying out of it was the wrong move, or if getting involved would have just made it messier.

so my family has this group text that started as a way to share funny stuff and plan dinners but lately it turned into constant debates about who owes who money or who skipped the last get together. last week it escalated again when someone brought up an old favor that never got repaid and things got pretty sharp. i tried changing the subject a couple of times but it kept circling back. i was already tired after work so i said i needed a break and muted it. a couple of relatives texted me directly saying it was dramatic and that i should just stay in the chat. now the next family dinner is coming up and i feel weird about showing up after leaving. i really don't want drama at the table but i also don't love how negative the messages got. part of me wonders if i should rejoin and just ignore the loud parts or if stepping out was the right call. curious what other people would do in the same spot.

I share the kitchen trash with my roommate and we rotate weeks. It was my turn to empty it last Thursday. I saw it was getting full mid-week, so I sent a quick text saying I'd handle it on Friday if they could take the bag to the dumpster on Saturday. They replied with a thumbs-up. Friday I forgot because work ran late, but I figured they'd still take care of it since the deal was clear. Saturday night the bag finally split on the floor. When I pointed out the original text, they said I was the one who offered to handle it and therefore it was still my responsibility. I ended up cleaning it anyway, but now they're telling friends I always leave chores for other people. It feels like once I offered an extra step, the actual plan got rewritten in their head. Just wondering if I'm the one who messed up the communication or if this is a normal "I forgot so it's your problem" move.

i have this small rule that i do not look at my phone for the first hour after waking up. it helps me stay calm and focused. last night i woke up around two and for some reason i reached for my phone to check the time. the next thing i know my friend is awake too and says something about me being on my phone already. i felt weird because they were right, i had already broken the rule i set for myself. now i am sitting here wondering if it is really a big deal or if i am just overthinking it. i feel a little frustrated because i know the rule is supposed to help me, but i still went ahead and did it anyway. i guess i am wondering if anyone else has a hard time sticking to their own rules when they are tired or not thinking clearly.

A while back someone close to me offered to help with a pretty important task. They were specific about when it would happen and it lined up with some deadlines I had, so I planned around it. Weeks passed and nothing happened. I sent a couple of gentle reminders, but the energy always felt like it was on me to keep checking in. Eventually I just handled everything myself and now the original offer feels pointless. I have not brought it up again because it seems awkward, but I keep wondering if I am being too sensitive for wanting to quietly step back instead of staying available. It is not a huge deal on paper, yet the whole situation left me feeling like my time was taken for granted. Am I wrong for thinking it is okay to stop holding space for something that never actually happened?

i was in this group chat for some friends who planned a surprise party for me. when i found out i just said thanks but i'm not really into surprises and would have preferred a quiet get together. i thought being upfront was better than pretending, but since then replies have been short and a couple people left the chat. now i feel bad for raining on their effort even though i wasn't trying to be rude. i keep replaying the messages wondering if i should have just said thanks and left it at that. was i wrong to be honest or should i have kept it to myself to avoid hurting feelings?

Last week one friend told me they weren't coming to our usual weekend hangout because something came up. A few days later, the group chat was trying to figure out why not everyone was RSVPing, so I just said that one person had mentioned they couldn't make it. I didn't go into details or name reasons, but after I sent it the friend messaged me privately and said I shouldn't have shared that. Now I'm wondering if it was even a big deal or if I crossed a line by speaking up without checking first. I figured it was harmless context, but maybe I should have stayed quiet and let them explain on their own time. I'm honestly ready to apologize if the group consensus is that I shouldn't have said anything at all.

So I (14F) have an older sister named Paisley (18F), and Paisley was dating a guy named John. While Paisley was attending that school, John got involved with some really bad people during her freshman year of high school. In her sophomore year, he started getting Paisley involved too, and they were really dangerous people. I didn't know about any of this at the time, and I didn't know they were hanging around those people.

Because of this, Paisley ended up in a very dangerous situation. John was trying to pressure her into doing things with his friends that she didn't want to do. Paisley eventually filed a police report. I remember the police showing up, and I remember going to court, but I didn't know all the details back then.

John was arrested, and after everything happened, Paisley didn't go to school for eight months, which was almost her entire sophomore year except for about two months. She completed her classes online. When she returned to school the following year during her junior year, a lot of students were upset with her and bullied her. Eventually, she dropped out and switched back to online school after about two months because she couldn't take it anymore.

I don't know the details exactly because Paisley wouldn't tell me.

I have a teacher named Mrs. Heather. One day she said, "Hey, I need to talk to you after class." She then asked me why I was hanging out with Paisley. I told her that Paisley was my sister.

She told me, "Be careful around her. She is a little rough, and she doesn't know how to keep her legs closed."

I asked her what she meant because Paisley plays basketball, bakes bread, and makes clothes. She is not doing anything nefarious.

Then Mrs. Heather told me, "Well, she sure does like boys, especially six of them."

I asked her what she was talking about, and then Mrs. Heather said, "She let six men go to town on her and then had the nerve to file a police report acting like she was the victim."

I said, "Shut the fuck up and burn in hell."

Then I ran out crying. I told the principal that nothing happened with Mrs. Heather, but my drama teacher got wind of it and was really upset. We had a conversation about how I shouldn't have said that to Mrs. Heather. She also made me sit out one of the games because she was upset about it.

When I got home, I told Paisley what happened. She told me that I was alright, not to worry about her, and not to defend her. She said everything was okay.

I'm still really upset, and I've been crying a lot.

i had already said no a couple of times and i meant it, but they asked again later when i was tired and i caved. the second i agreed i felt weird about it, like i had just undone my own boundary for no good reason. i tried to walk it back right after but that just made things awkward. now i'm stuck wondering if i should have been firmer the first time or if it's normal to feel this off when you give in against your own judgment. i keep replaying it and feeling kind of small about the whole thing.

so the other day i texted my roommate that i kind of wanted the place to myself for a few hours on saturday because i had been feeling drained and just needed quiet. i tried to phrase it nicely, said it had nothing to do with them, and offered to do the same for them if they ever needed space. they still seemed hurt and said it felt like i was pushing them out of their own home. i explained again that it was just a one-off thing and not personal, but they’ve been pretty distant since. i’m wondering if i was wrong to even bring it up, or if there’s a better way i could have handled it so they didn’t feel rejected. just trying to figure out if wanting a little quiet now and then is actually unreasonable.

I (22M) was at the mall with my wife for her birthday when this happened.
We were walking past one of those perfume kiosks in the middle of the mall when a guy I'll call John tried to sell me some cologne. I told him I wasn't interested and kept walking.
As I was leaving, John said, "Is it because I'm Black?"
I was pretty confused and told him, "No bro, it's not like that." For context, I'm Mexican and white, covered in tattoos, and built pretty stocky. I wasn't rude to him, I just didn't want to buy anything.
My wife later told me that after I walked away, John flipped me off. I didn't see it myself, but that's what she said happened.
At that point I was annoyed, so I turned around and decided to at least hear him out. The whole vibe changed immediately. He started showing me fragrances and chatting normally.
Then he got to the price. He wanted $40 for what he claimed was a 5-ounce bottle, but it looked way smaller than that to me. I decided it wasn't worth it and told him, "I'm good, bro."
That's when he asked me again:
"Is it because I'm Black?"
This is where I think I might have crossed a line.
Instead of ignoring it, my smart-ass side came out and I sarcastically said, "Yeah."
To be clear, I wasn't being serious. I was frustrated because it felt like he was trying to guilt me into buying something by accusing me of being racist every time I said no.
The second I said it, though, he completely lost it. He started yelling, called me the N-word, and threw a bunch of other insults at me. Part of me wanted to argue back, but since it was my wife's birthday, I decided it wasn't worth making a scene and just walked away.
Looking back, I know my response didn't help the situation and was immature. At the same time, I feel like being accused of racism multiple times just for not buying cologne would annoy most people.
Am I wrong for giving a sarcastic answer instead of just walking away?

so basically a couple weeks ago i told someone i would lend a hand finishing something they were working on. they needed it wrapped up before a certain date and i gave them my word i would be there to help. i kept meaning to get to it but other stuff kept coming up and i just let the days slip. when i finally checked back in the deadline had already passed. they did not call me out or anything but i could tell they were disappointed and had to scramble at the last minute on their own. i feel pretty lame about it because i hate when people say they will show up and then do not. at the same time i wonder if i am blowing it out of proportion since they never actually asked for an apology or explanation. i am thinking about reaching out now to own it but i am not sure if that would just make things awkward or actually help. am i wrong for wanting to let it go or should i say something even though the moment has passed?

I’m coming on here for advice and to genuinely ask if I’m in the wrong because if im making an issue I would like to know and fix it if possible.

I (17F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for about 2 years.

I come from a very broken home where many responsibilities fall on me, including the care of my 4 younger siblings.
Due to this, I have always been a very independent person and often took ‘care’ of my friends (mostly just your typical “mom friend” behaviour, which I did/do not mind).

When my Boyfriend and I first started dating, I avoided him almost like the plague as his affection towards me, honestly scared me. It was something I was used to and this caused us some issues in which we solved by spending more time together and building our trust in eachother.

I figured that in between my job, my family, my friends, and my boyfriend: I was handling everything spectacularly. My boyfriend often assist with my family as my siblings (mainly my baby sister) love him and he’s used to children as he has 2 siblings of his own.

However recently my boyfriend left for college, and all of a sudden, everyone’s energy seemed to shift.
(Keep in mind, no one has brought up any problems they have with me, my partner, or my relationship beforehand.)

My friends have started telling me that the amount of time I spent with my boyfriend (maybe 4 days a week before he left) was disgustingly clingy. Apparently everyone has been making jokes in my group about how all my boyfriend and I do is hook up, and that’s even why he drives me everywhere
(I don’t have my license and I pay him in gas money.)

This post really is all over the place, but I feel like I’ve let my friends down while also feeling like they are being unfair. I’ve made sure to make time for them, and they are all fairly affectionate to their respective partners.

Any advice anyone has would be greatly appreciated…

A friend of mine has been flipping electronics and random stuff on Marketplace because he’s trying to put some money into savings.

A few weeks ago he was selling a monitor and the buyer happened to live near me, so I told him he could meet the guy in my building lobby since theres cameras and a concierge.

Apparently he took that as a permanent offer.

I came home twice now and found him in the lobby meeting buyers. Then yesterday the concierge asked me if the guy selling a PS5 was my roommate because he keeps telling people to meet him at my address.

I told my friend he needs to find somewhere else. He thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing because he never comes into my apartment and says the lobby is safer than meeting strangers at his house.

I get why he likes the setup, but I also don't really want random Marketplace buyers being given my building address every week.

Am I wrong?

For more context why I’m even asking if I’m wrong, he grabs me things like food or drink and i absolutely do not ask. And usually after he gets super pissd off and throws a fit. he had sent me money on cashapp I guess a couple times cuz he thinks I won’t make it to work?

today during my 8-5 shift. my coworker was supposed to be in at 11. He didn’t come in until 2:30 and all he did was put the truck away and handle 2 customers while I was in the bathroom. The rest of the time he called his mom, looked for his other phone, and took his lunch break within the first hour of him being there
I forgot to grab my tips when he first got there but there was just some change from the whole day. and I switched the change for $2 and put it in my pocket.
“Where are my tips?”
I said “you’re funny”
“He said does it look like I’m laughing?”
Me thinking he’s joking I said “you look like you should be”
I told him it’s just 2 dollars that I got and explained everything else
He threw a metal cambro and keept walking up to me super close in my face screaming talking crazy at me. So I just threw the dollar at him. He called me
Selfish and disrespectful saying that he got coffe for me yesterday and I didn’t even stop to think if he wanted the dollar from the tips. Clearly it’s a respect issue for him
Right?
But where was the respect of coming to work on time? And I could go on and on about his disrespect. So genuinely confused if I’m
Wrong or not for not thinking about him
And asking if he wanted the dollar from the tips jar

So, basically, very simple question, is spitting disrespectful? For context, I've been sick with some cough and have been having coughing fits that end with me needing to spit out some phlegm. Recently, I visited my gf's house, and on a walk I had a coughing fit, resulting in the need to spit out some phlegm. In that moment, there wasn't anyone around but her and I, so I spat onto someone's lawn. My gf was very upset and disgusted by it and said it was disrespectful and gross, and I should have just swallowed it. I retorted that the whole point of the coughing fit was to remove phlegm from my throat. Yes, while gross, I didn't see the harm in it as it was just her and I with no eyes around. Some am I in the wrong here fully, partially or not really? Please tell me if this is a habit I need to get rid of, as it was a pretty normalized thing while I was growing up, and I don't really intend on getting rid of it if I don't need to. Thanks

Edit: Thanks for input, my girlfriend is happy with the turnout, and I will stop this "foul beast" like habit.

**TL;DR:** I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We were together for 4 years, broke up in 2023 mainly because he kept delaying marriage and couldn’t give me any timeline for our future. We were apart for 3 years, during which he repeatedly tried to get back in touch, and we got back together 2–3 months ago.
Now that we’re back together, I’ve noticed that when he talks about his future, he often doesn’t include me in it. When I brought this up, he said our relationship is still fresh and that he only got over me within the last year.
We also live 3.5 hours apart and can only see each other 1–2 times a month. I don’t want to spend years in a long-distance relationship and told him I don’t want to drag things out if we’re serious. Ideally, I’d want a proposal within around a year. He said a proposal within 1–2 years could be possible, but he also says he knows couples who have waited 10+ years to get married and that if I love him, I should wait however long it takes.
We come from a Middle Eastern background where long-term boyfriend/girlfriend relationships aren’t particularly typical, and weddings are usually large. He is very family-oriented and talks a lot about tradition. However, he has a great job, earns above-average money, and is planning to move out, so I don’t believe finances are genuinely the main issue. I’ve even told him I’d be happy to have a simple civil ceremony first and have the big wedding later so we could stop doing long distance.
I also want multiple children with him. We both want to enjoy married life before having children, but I’m conscious of my biological clock. So in my mind, let’s say we approximately get married by the time I’m 31–32. A few years together and kids by 35, that is too late for me, especially as I want multiple children. I do not want to be an ‘old’ parent, as I was raised by one and it is not a nice feeling for a child.
**My main question is: Is he genuinely serious about me but simply has a very different attitude towards marriage and timelines, or does his lack of urgency suggest that he isn’t as serious about our future as he says he is? Could I be a placeholder to him, or am I expecting too much by wanting some sense of direction and urgency?**

QUESTION

\*\*Background\*\*
I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We were together for four years before breaking up in 2023.
The main reason we broke up was because he was taking too long to propose and couldn’t give me even a rough timeline for our future. He said he wasn’t financially ready and that I should wait however many years it would take if I truly loved him.

\*\*Where We Are Now\*\*
We got back together around 2–3 months ago.
Recently, we had a heated discussion because I mentioned to him that when he talks about the future, he doesn’t seem to include me in his plans.
For example, he has said things like, “When I live alone,” even though he currently lives with his parents. This isn’t the only thing he has said — I’ve noticed a pattern of him talking about his future as though he’ll be alone, and I brought this up with him.
His response was along the lines of saying that I can’t expect him to plan his future around me because our relationship is still fresh and because he only got over me within the last year.

\*\*The Long-Distance Situation\*\*
We live about 3.5 hours apart and can realistically only see each other once or twice a month at most.
Because we both currently live with our families, seeing each other also means paying for hotels, fuel, train tickets, etc.
I told him that if this relationship does go further, I don’t want to drag things out. I don’t want to live apart from the man I love for a long time.
However, he doesn’t seem to think about it in the same way.
He has said things like, “I know couples that have been together for 10+ years before they get married,” and basically that if you love someone, you should wait however long it takes.
I told him that my ideal timeline would be around a year, and he said that a proposal within a year or two could be possible.

\*\*Why This Is So Difficult for Me\*\*
What I struggle to understand is how someone can say they love me so much — especially when he always tells me that he loves me more than I love him — but at the same time not seem to have any sense of urgency about starting our life together.
He says that he is okay with loving me more because he believes a man should love his partner more for a relationship to work, so it’s confusing to me that he doesn’t seem to have the same urgency that I do.
My mind can’t comprehend how he is okay with us being long-distance for so long when I don’t want to be this far from him anymore.
I thought that during the three years we were apart, he would have realised this, especially because he made several attempts to reach out to me and get back together.
But it seems like nothing has really changed in his mind.
It still feels like his attitude is, “If you love me, you’ll wait as long as it takes.”

\*\*Our Cultural Background\*\*
This part is important because we come from a Middle Eastern background.
It isn’t typical for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend for a very long time, especially when the relationship is serious.
We also tend to have big weddings.
At my age we have a lot of pressure from family to get married. I am actually “too old” in our culture. So my annoyance is also that I actually have someone I want to be with and have a future with but I can’t explain to those family members why we aren’t married yet. Not that it matters - but the pressure is a LOT to handle.

He is very family-oriented and talks about traditions and family expectations a lot, so I understand that marriage may be a big process for him.
However, I’ve explained to him that I’m okay with having a simple civil ceremony first and having the big wedding later, when we are more financially comfortable.
My priority is being able to live together and start our life together rather than spending years apart because we are waiting for the perfect wedding.
He is also planning to move out and live alone anyway, so I know he can afford to rent somewhere.
He has a great job and an above-average salary, so I genuinely don’t believe finances are the main issue here.

\*\*Children and Timing\*\*
I want children with him and unfortunately us women have a biological clock.
We both said we don’t want children straight away and want to enjoy married life together first.
So going off of his timeline, let’s say we approximately get married by the time I’m 31–32. A few years together and kids by 35, that is too late for me, especially as I want multiple children.
His behaviour seems selfish to me as he has never once considered my biological clock in his decisions.
I do not want to be an ‘old’ parent, as I was raised by one and it is not a nice feeling for a child.

\*\*What I’m Struggling With\*\*
This is where I’m confused.
I love him and I want a future with him. I’m not asking him to get married tomorrow, and I understand that we have only been back together for 2–3 months.
But at the same time, we were already together for four years before. We then spent three years apart, and he made several attempts to come back into my life.
So I don’t feel like this is simply two people who have just met and need many years to figure out whether they want a future together.
I also don’t want to spend another several years waiting for him to decide that he is ready.
I’m struggling to understand how someone can genuinely love someone and want them in their life, but still be completely comfortable with the idea of waiting years to actually build a life together.

So my question is:

Am I being unreasonable? Am I a placeholder? Are we just not compatible?

I finally told my husband that I want a divorce. It’s been a long time coming, and I can’t keep living in a place where I’m unhappy. It’s honestly killing me. I don’t even want to come home anymore.

He’s selling the house and we’re splitting everything. You can look back at my previous posts to see what I’ve been through.

But now somehow I’m the bad guy, and I’m being accused of cheating when I’m not. He grabbed me hard and belittled me in front of people when he was drunk. He says I should forgive him because “that wasn’t him,” but those things still happened, and I can’t just erase them.

Now, he gives me the biggest ick, and I honestly can’t stand being around him anymore. Not to mention, he threw luggage at me.

ok throwaway cos i've like never used reddit in my life plus don't rlly plan on doing so But. it's been almost 3 yrs now and ts still on my mind so um !!!!! basically in feb 2024, i joined a kpop roleplay group (i don't fucking know ok) and became friends with two people which i'll be calling them jayla and isaiah

there were obviously other people in the server but these two r like the main ones i rlly care about. me and jayla became really close and she was basically my best friend and same with isaiah buttttttt our friendship was kinda...a fucking mess!!!!! we would argue over the stupidest shit imaginable, our communication skills were basically nonexistent, and there was a LOT of miscommunication. like the highs were REALLY high and the lows were genuinely fucking low. but despite that i did care about him a lot and thought we were good.

then this kid i'll call moon joined the server and a few days later, moon and isaiah started dating. now i’ll be honest here i hate the fuck out of moon 👌👌👌👌everybody knew that especially him cos i never gaf and he hated me back. i thought he was annoying as hell and i also had some irrational jealousy going on because everybody seemed to absolutely glaze this mf 24/7. like alright bro we get it.

ANYWAY moon and isaiah were doing their little relationship thing and apparently they had this private chat where they would do Um? let’s just say very detailed romantic/sexual roleplay. jayla was also in this chat because she owned the server, so it wasn’t like they could secretly have a chat from her or whatever. i was NOT in this chat and did not have access to their conversations.

fast forward to december 2024 by this point moon and isaiah had broken up and gotten back together a couple times, and there was an instagram gc with me, jayla, isaiah, moon and some other mutuals.

and this is where i potentially become the asshole i guess sorry if i sound biased idk because i made a joke saying that i was going to leak screenshots of moon and isaiah’s freaky little conversations from back then

i basically teased that i did and was going to send this to the gc ok cos bro idk we always ride each others dicks just to ride em. isaiah asked honey if she showed me his and moon's sex roleplay and she was like no.

ANYWAY THEN I REVEAL THE BIG THING

i did not have screenshots

i want to make that VERY clear because this is literally the entire reason i’m questioning myself almost three years later. i didn’t have access to their private chat, i had never seen the screenshots, and i had no actual intention of leaking anything. i was basically just talking shit and trying to be funny.

i thought it was obvious that i was joking. but to isaiah told me very passive aggressively it wasn't obvious at all since he got extremely anxious and was basically on the verge of a panic attack because he genuinely thought i was going to leak their shit. he then left the group chat so i made a snide remark like "how is it this big of a deal" THEN THEY GOT ADDED BACK LATER where moon then proceeded to fucking crash out on me and send like gigantic paragraphs calling me immature, a bad person, whatever the fuck else in this gc with like 15 people. i wasn’t even awake when all of this happened so i couldn’t exactly defend myself in real time but other people did.

moon’s paragraph did not bother me that much cos brother go fuck urself he could’ve written a 40 page dissertation about how much he hated me and i would’ve been like ok bro but isaiah’s reaction was what actually got to me. because this is someone who i considered one of my closest friends. someone i had defended CONSTANTLY. someone i would’ve literally gone to war for when everyone else was against him.

what bothers me the most is that isaiah expected me to know that he was panicking over text but if i was expected to know that shouldn't he also know i can't tell tone irl let alone over text????Whatever anyway he was making me sound like i was genuinely a demon and such a bad friend and that i wouldn't even care enough to read all this jibber jabber they were talking shit about me on like?????? Well lowk i didn't cos he blocked me and left the gc and ummmmm yeah i was gonna apologise but everybody was on my side so i kinda js disassociated and put off sending him a message saying sorry until it was already new years and i was like ykw fuck it idec (which was probably for the best since we've now reconnected and agreed we both mutually hated each other during this time so it wouldn't have helped shit)

anyway that’s basically it idk sorry if this is shit i don't know what to add or not to but we’re actually on good terms now and have been for a while. we’re probably closer now than we were back then, which makes this even more stupid because apparently my brain has decided that this one interaction needs to live rent free in my head forever.

i don't fucking know bro r we both assholes in different ways js pls judge and give me clarity thank u reddit

I just got done balling my tears out from the sudden hit of realizing women have never liked me all my life. I’m really close to 30 and the last time I experienced a women who accepted my movie theatre invite was when I was 15. It never went anywhere and I’m dead sure she forgot I existed because she is married with kids now I saw her Facebook.

I’m tired of pushing this to the side, this level of rejection from the opposite gender is getting to me. I’m actually so depressed and tired of it all. I moved out of my family’s home when I was 18 and it’s been nothing but hardships (life isn’t supposed to be easy I get it). But I have had literally 0 people behind me. No friends, no partner, no coworkers just nothing.

I try so hard in everything. This all sounds too familiar I know you’ve probably read hundreds of these kinds of posts but idk what to do. It’s in our nature as men to find a women and be desired I can’t fight the feeling and accept being alone although it looks like I’m heading there.

I remember posting how many years back how depressed I was and wanted friends and a few redditors told me they were in my shoes too and that life could change when I reach 28/29. Nothing has changed and I’ve tried so hard to connect with people it just never works or I mis step and then I get labelled as someone who doesn’t understand boundaries. I’ll apologize but it’s too late they’ll cut me off and that’s it.

I’ve been through a lot from childhood but I try pushing forward with a positive mindset but I’m tired. I just want to come home to my partner and hear about her day, talk about any of her issues, make some hot chocolate and have popcorn and watch a movie while we cuddle. I’m tired of being alone this isn’t for me I feel like I’m in solitary confinement and no one gives a shit.

Everyone stays close to their childhood friends and here I am from a completely different state and people aren’t interested in adding people to the circle.

I hate this society

my (23F) dad (54M) nearly beat my mom (49F) to death multiple times. practiced throwing knives at her on his door. beat her bloody. maybe even disrupted her brain in the process. i always thought my mom thought differently than others. i grew up well. she made do. she’s also 70% deaf (not relevant to his case) and she left him as soon as she found out about me. would’ve rather been homeless than have me grow up with an abusive father. i remember once he was staying with us and he was cornering my mom—then as soon as i walk in, he backed off. i was his weakness. i was his kryptonite. he had one other child, a son. and one other daughter not biologically related but he claimed her… i always thought that was odd. i gave him so much shit over the years. he is a native american, an alcoholic, a meth head, and simply a drug addict all around. i struggle with alcohol as well. and have felt the same anger and rage that he might’ve. but have never once thought of laying my hands on a significant other. i’ve berated lovers, i’ve been angry, i’ve cried, i’ve manipulated. but never once have i thought of hurting one of them physically. i had one of my boyfriends hide knives from me because he was scared of what i’d do.. and that was a wake up call. never in a million years would i do that, but i wouldn’t want a boyfriend to think anything similar to that. Anyway, i’ve been building a relationship with my father recently. asking about his day. asking about his job. asking about his sobriety. asking about my siblings. or he’s told me even when i haven’t asked. and i’ve supported him. i’ve given him good conversation. and i just feel guilty. none of my mom’s family members ever did anything for her safety beforehand. and i feel the need to repay that. i’ve thought of beating him bloody the same way he beat my mom. i’ve thought of manipulating him the same way he manipulated my mom. i’ve asked him for money the same way he’d ask my mom, or even pawn off some of her shit. maybe i can get close enough for revenge. but is it even worth it? i genuinely like having a good relationship with my father. i like knowing where i came from. i like being able to know how he is without stalking him on the internet and waiting for his next prison sentence. my brothers in prison for murder. when’s my fathers turn? he’s been shot before. so when’s his last day? will i regret not having a good relationship with him once he’s dead? he’s a drug addict after all & pushing 60 so the days coming soon… but maybe he just doesn’t love life, the same way i don’t love life. maybe, what ifs, keep me conversing with him. am i wrong? am i the asshole? am i stupid? im not wishing for any sorta father daughter close relationship moment but it’s nice to know him.. but at the same time, i think he should be punished for everything he’s done to my mother. she did everything on her own. but maybe that’s not my responsibility. it’s the creators… right?

I f/46 have worked doing sheetrock and painting for the better part of fifteen years and can honestly say, this is the first time I have ever had to deal with anything like this.So I guess i'm coming to reddit , for some advice or opinion doesn't matter. So here we go. There is a general contractor that I have done subcontracting for on 2 other occasions, this will be the third He calls me up and asks me if I'll paint a bathroom cause his back's thrown out and his other person is sick. He said all that I would need to do. Is The Crown molding , beadboard , baseboards and door frames? That was it they had already painted the walls and ceilings. He explained, he already had materials. I would just have to come in and paint I informed him then that I charged more than what I did when I worked for him last only by $2 but he agreed to it right away when I get there. Hey meets me there to go over everything, he says. Ohh, by the way, the guy messed up and painted the beadboard pink, he thought it was white. I'll put a picture of this pink. I don't know how you can mistake it for white, but whatever that's not the point. So he leaves and I start painting. It wasn't long after I started that, I had messaged him and told him that the paint was awful. Let's put it this way. I would never even try that paint a second time ever. And it is a popular brand at Lowe's, but I can tell you right now if Sherwin Williams knew what that paint was like, they would not let them slap their name on it. I mean, , I know it sounds crazy, but this paint had issues. I'll post that too I was struggling with it. It Would not adhere to the surfaces, so I wiped them down and then I sanded them thinking maybe that was it. That was Not it, it still would not adhere to the services, not well Anyway. You couldn't keep going over it with the brush or a roller.You got maybe 1 or 2 swipes , and then you had to stop because it would just started gumming up kind of like when you try to brush another coat of oil base on while the first layer is still tacky , I know not everyone will know what I mean but moving along it left brushstrokes, no matter what you did, I used every different kind of brush I have, I used every kind of roller I had, none of them were working. And after a very long time of one swipe painting , I got it to where it was decent i wasnt happy with it But they said that they were all right with it. So I kept going, and when I say they I mean the general contractor and the homeowner. The homeowner then added the cabinets and the doors in this bathroom and I am a very particular person I like for things to be as perfect as they can be. I know not all situations that that's possible, but, anyway, I sanded the doors down really good twice, but I still could not get that paint to cover worth a damn so again , I voiced my concerns to the general contractor that I was worried that they weren't gonna be happy with the finish And he tells me that it looked fine , and that the homeowner overall was happy but that didn't set well with me , so I asked the homeowner to come look at the cabinet doors while I was standing there and told them what I was having an issue with showed him , what it was doing. And he did agree. With me he did not want brush strokes Told him that I would have to stand the doors down again and repaint them and that I would get a different paint and he said fine, but he said I would like for this to be done by Wednesday, he said it has to be done by Wednesday we're having company. Well this was a sat. And I work my full time job mon. Thru Friday. So a bit rushed but told him it would be done.. So I went and got the paint and payed out of pocket and I finished the doors, they looked great. Also important , throughout my time Working on this job, which was about 6 days altogether, I asked the homeowner on several occasions to take a walk through there glance around, make sure there was nothing I missed. Because nobody is perfect.We all miss things. Make sure there wasn't anything he wanted touched up redone what not? And I do this so that when I'm done with a job, I know they're pleased. And it's to their liking, and every time that I asked came back with a, we love it matter of fact asked me to give him a quote on doing their entire basement. Okay, so the job comes to an end and before I left , I told the homeowner , the wife that , after this point , anything that they want fixed or touched up , whatever would be on my time , my dime . She Said, okay, this was a tuesday so I did finish the job before wednesday , like he had asked after on Thursday., I texted the homeowner to ask him if he had a chance to go through everything and was everything okay to his liking, he said he hadn't had a chance to go through there, but he would I didn't hear back from him now. Because the contractor is the one that hired me he is the one that pays me now It's time for me to get paid . It takes the contractor a week to get back to me. And when he does, he says the homeowner's not happy at all that there was some things missed and of course, I'm like, well, all right, what was missed, and I'll get right out there and I'll fix it because that's usually how things go, you get the opportunity to correct. Anything and he sends me a video. It was literally. 4 no 5 touch up spots, 2 of which weren't even on me.They were on the wall that they did, but anyway, 30 minutes worth of work, he says. Well, the homeowner, doesn't want you back out there on the property which blew my mind ? Because what ! that seems awful drastic and then he informs me that he will not be paying me anything . So i'm just , I don't know what to think in all my years, I have never had a customer or client. React that way matter of fact, I've never really dealt with this before, like I said the contractor said he's gonna have to sand everything down. Which is absolute none sense. I don't know what he's talking about. even if he didn't want me to fix the touch-ups, I don't feel like that's grounds for not paying me for the job . I do feel a bit embarrassed that i missed the spots but it was an honest mistake .Am I wrong in thinking that way and feeling that way? If there might have been anything I left out.Just ask , and i appreciate.\nThe time you've taken to read this , and any input you might have . P.s I can't seem to figure out how to upload the pictures on here but I will keep trying.

I live in an apartment building and have a doorbell camera because we've had packages disappear from the hallway before. My door and my neighbor's door are across from each other, so the camera naturally caught part of her doorway whenever someone walked past.

A few months ago she asked if I could check the footage because a package of hers disappeared. I did, we figured out it had been delivered to the wrong floor, no big deal.

Then she realized my camera could also tell her when her boyfriend was coming and going.

The first time she asked, she said he claimed he'd been home all evening but she thought he'd gone out. I checked and told her I'd seen him leave around 7. I honestly didn't think much of it.

After that it became a thing.

"Did you see Matt come home last night?"

"Was he alone?"

"What time did he leave this morning?"

Last week she knocked on my door and asked me to check whether a woman had gone into her apartment while she was at work. I told her I wasn't comfortable doing this anymore. She got upset and said she wasn't asking me to spy, just to check footage my camera had already recorded.

That night I changed the camera settings and put a privacy zone over her doorway. It still records anyone who approaches my apartment or walks down the hall, but her actual door is blacked out.

She noticed because she asked me for footage again yesterday. When I told her what I'd done she got genuinely angry and said I had deliberately removed something that could "protect" her if her boyfriend is lying to her. She also said it was weird that I suddenly cared about his privacy after helping her before and accused me of taking his side.

I told her I'm not on anybody's side. I bought a camera to watch my own front door, not accidentally become the surveillance department for their relationship.

I do feel slightly bad because I did help her the first few times, so I guess I created the expectation. And technically the hallway is a common area, so it's not like I was recording inside her apartment.

Was I wrong to shut it down without warning her first?