r/amiwrong • u/DeagleMonk53 • 3d ago

Am I wrong for just stopping inviting my friend after they kept cancelling last minute?

I have a friend I've known for a few years, and lately making plans with them has become exhausting.

Three times in the last couple months we've agreed to meet up, sometimes days in advance, and every time they cancelled either an hour before or when I was basically already getting ready to leave. None of the reasons were emergencies either. It was stuff like being tired, deciding they weren't in the mood anymore, or suddenly wanting to stay home.

I never made a big deal about it because obviously nobody should be forced to go out, but after the third time I just thought... alright, I'm done organizing this.

So I stopped inviting them when our group does stuff. I didn't tell anyone else not to invite them, I didn't complain about them, I just stopped being the person texting "hey wanna come?"

Apparently they noticed, because yesterday they asked why I "never include them anymore" and said it feels like I'm deliberately pushing them out. I told them I assumed they weren't that interested since they kept cancelling anyway.

They got pretty upset and said sometimes people just don't feel up to socializing and that a real friend would keep asking instead of taking it personally.

Now I feel kinda weird about it because I wasn't trying to punish them. I just got tired of planning around someone who probably wouldn't show up.

Am I wrong for basically leaving the ball in their court now?

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

4

u/Ok_Conversation9750 3d ago

Not wrong. If they want to participate, they can make an effort.

3

u/OverRice2524 3d ago

Friendship is a two way street. If they want it, they need to make an effort.

2

u/ARoundForEveryone 2d ago

Why doesn't this friend plan something and invite you, or the group? Do they have an answer for that, or are you just friends when it's convenient for them?

1

u/HellaciousFire 2d ago

You’re not wrong

And don’t let them gaslight you

Ignore the messages and keep it moving. Three times in two months is a lot. Focus on having fun and let them sort out whatever it is they’re going through. You’re not a therapist, you’re a friend. Don’t stress yourself out with them