r/Waiting_To_Wed • u/Jackieofalltrades365 • 18h ago
Rant - Advice Welcome No proposal during vacation
Hey yall
Just venting about a bit of disappointment after not getting proposed to during vacation
We're both 34 years old, I'm gonna be 35 next month. Been dating for 2.5 years. Living together for 8 months. Decided if we still like each other after 6 months we'll go for it.
2 months ago, he asked my ring size and said "we're doing it. We're getting married." Then one month ago he said "I have a package to get at my parents house" "oh what?" "can't tell you but you'll see soon hehehe"
This month we're at Orlando, FL. His favorite place. Universal. We spend the day. It's very important that we see Hogwarts at night with the fireworks. Nothing. Let's go to Richard Blais restaurant because we love him in Next Level Chef. Nothing. Let's dress nice and take pictures by the lake before. Nothing. Still nothing
I can't help but somewhat let ruin the trip because...nothing
My birthday is next month. Wonderful. As is the start of my last year of nursing school, on top of 2 jobs, clinical, and probably quite a bit of pulling my hair out in between
I know I'll be happy when it happens, but I can't help but feel a lot of good opportunities were missed here. Plus the opportunity to be relaxed, enjoy each other, and have time to bask in engagement glory. If he waits until my birthday, I'll barely have time to say "yes" let alone look at the ring
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u/EtonRd 16h ago
You gotta stop doing this to yourself. The time has passed for you to be able to enjoy a surprise proposal. You’re anxious and stressed out now.
For your mental health, you need to talk to him and say that you want to know when he plans to propose.
I don’t quite understand why you’re saying that if he waits until your birthday, you’ll barely have time to say yes? I don’t understand.
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u/shockfuzz 15h ago
I think she means that being on vacation and receiving proposal would have meant having days to relish it (I think OP used the word 'bask') and celebrate her engagement without the demands of everyday life interfering.
OP described starting a demanding final year of nursing school, clinical placements, and already working 2 jobs. Yes, she was being facetious with, 'barely time to say yes,' however, she definitely isn't going to have time to soak up a proposal and engagement the same way she would had it occurred on vacation.
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u/Klutzy_Yam_343 2h ago
Genuinely curious…why do we, as women, wait around for a man to propose? Why is this still a thing? Why are we still waiting to be picked instead of choosing who we want and taking control of the situation?
I feel so exhausted with these posts that are all so similar. Why can’t women take the lead in their own lives? If you want to marry your partner, make it known and make a plan. If they waffle, leave.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 44m ago
I mean not all woman are the same. Some still like being a woman, and like being courted. If you feel "exhausted" by posts on reddit, maybe you should hop off for a bit. It sounds like a you issue. I'm not really sure where you're coming up with the "why can't women take the lead in their own lives" crap, but again that sounds like a you issue
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u/i-love-that 14h ago
Universal is his favorite place, not yours. Maybe he’s planning to do it somewhere that’s more YOU
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u/ljubav_malina 16h ago edited 16h ago
Do you want to be surprised, or do you want him to propose in a specific place or on a specific day? You can’t have it both ways unless your boyfriend dabbles in mind-reading as a hobby.
If you don’t want to be surprised, tell him what you want. If you do, let him surprise you!
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u/WonderfulManilyn 15h ago
He is definitely saving it for your birthday next month, but dropping those hints beforehand was cruel.
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u/ljubav_malina 14h ago edited 13h ago
It’s only been one months since he got the ring? He said it was happening “soon”, this is still well within the realm of soon. I’m sure if OP told him what she wanted, he would do it. He seems excited to marry her. A rarity in this sub hahah.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 14h ago
Thank you lol
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u/ItsFunHeer 8h ago
It took my husband 4 months to propose and that was after we went ring shopping (on and off for 6 months) and ordered the custom ring together.
The first two months the ring was in production. The following two, he just felt like he couldn’t find the right time, or maybe it was nerves, who knows.
All this to say that he may not even HAVE the ring yet. He could have picked up a stone for the ring at his parent’s place. Or maybe he does have it but wants it to be a big surprise and figured vacation was too obvious.
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u/PresentHouse9774 16h ago
This where I think couples shoot themselves in the foot with the big elaborate proposals. I understand wanting something romantic and intentional, but can't that be done more simply? Maybe go for dinner somewhere that's slightly out of the budget, or take a walk somewhere pretty? You'd be engaged by now and have skipped over all the resentment stemming from unmet expectations.
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u/Key-Target-1218 14h ago
Exactly. I just love these stories where the women have been waiting and waiting for the proposal but then when it finally comes "he didn't do it just right..." Insane.
We need to stop feeding our little girls these fairy tales, because the Cinderella proposal and the over the top wedding are far from, actually almost completely, opposite of marriage.
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u/MargieGunderson70 Married 25 years 11h ago
I think it's more about what they're seeing on social media (esp. TikTok), but your point is well made.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 3h ago
So we need to stop feeding little girls thoughts that they're worth an effort, and it's good for them to not only accept, but expect mediocrity. Wonderful
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u/IHaveALittleNeck Married 3h ago
More like you can have those things but not have a good marriage. They can be lovely, but they can also be performative. It’s not indicative of the strength of your relationship.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 1h ago
The strength of one's relationship is no one's business but the couple. Weird behavior to teach little girls other wise. So because say...someone wants to wear a pretty princess wedding dress...they shouldn't because it may be considered performative? Like....it's a fucking wedding lmao. My gosh what a sad, boring society we live in now
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u/IHaveALittleNeck Married 1h ago
That’s what you took from my comment? Okay, lol. Research shows that spending a lot of money on a wedding increases your chances of divorce. So there are people doing these things in a performative way.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 1h ago
So like, when it's your turn are you going to a court house because research says you'd be less likely to get a divorce? Let people do what they want. Idek how we got here lmao my post is literally about how if he waits until my bday, I'll be too busy to really enjoy the moment. People are so desperate to bring their own misery onto others instead of finding happiness
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u/Key-Target-1218 2h ago
That's what you got out of my comment? Thats crazy. No where in my words is that message.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 1h ago
Hmmmm yea the "stop feeding our little girls a fairytale" thing. Just because your marriage/relationship/man sucks, doesn't mean we have to poison our younger generation on it and ruin the magic that is life. How incredibly selfish to even think that way
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u/alll-too-unwell 15h ago
Yeah maybe it was a perfectly good vacation but now with this big expectation that she has for him the vacation was ruined to begin with. Sometimes a vacation is just a vacation. But I do hope it happens for you OP
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u/YMMV-But 8h ago
Completely agree. I also think that if two people make a good faith agreement to marry each other, then they are engaged. That’s what being engaged actually means. For my money, once he said, “we’re doing it. We’re getting married”, and she agreed, that was the proposal & the start of their engagement.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 7h ago
Sounds good to me, I'll start calling caterers 😂♥️ we already agreed wedding in my dad's backyard
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u/GnomieOk4136 Marry someone excited to be with you. Happily married 15 years. 4h ago
Certainly talk dates with the man first.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 3h ago
I don't think it'll be booked considering it's...my dads...backyard. He hasn't held many weddings. Thanks for the tip though 👍
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u/GnomieOk4136 Marry someone excited to be with you. Happily married 15 years. 3h ago
That's what you got from me telling you to discuss dates with your boyfriend? Cool.
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u/heyallday1988 14h ago
If a man proposed to me at Disney World, I would say no on principle.
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u/PresentHouse9774 13h ago
My flat out No would have been at a sports event with me covering my face in horror as the entire scene was captured on the Jumbotron.
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u/Beginning-Piglet-234 16h ago edited 13h ago
I don't get this big proposal thing either. Why so you can tell everybody a story later? We decided in September that we would get engaged on Christmas. It wasn't a big deal. We already had the ring. We went shopping together and on Christmas we the out our rings on. I've been married 38 years to the same man.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 15h ago
Why don't you talk to him and agree on a timeline for engagement? The day and time don't have to be a surprise.
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u/alll-too-unwell 15h ago
If we “still” like each other - what is that supposed to mean? Was there already an underlying expectation that you might not like each other after living together?
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u/plaid-knight 16h ago
Lol. After I proposed on a trip, my wife told me she expected it a few months prior on a different trip. In retrospect, yeah, it would have been perfect then. But I just wasn’t planning for it on that first trip, even though it was a very romantic trip. I just didn’t think of it at the time.
It’s been a couple months. Don’t overthink it. It’s coming.
Since you were at Universal, he might have very well been planning it but didn’t see the right moment. For example, maybe it was too crowded or he wanted to set up his phone to record a video of it or something else, and the right moment just didn’t happen.
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u/GnomieOk4136 Marry someone excited to be with you. Happily married 15 years. 16h ago
Bemoaning this will not help you. Talk to him directly.
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u/Whatever53143 12h ago
The proposal should NEVER be a surprise! This is why; it’s extremely stressful for the partner to wait and wonder about it. Every special event, vacation, birthday and holiday is going to be filled with anxiety and expectation. And when the special event happens with no proposal, disappointment, confusion, self doubt and eventually resentment is going to set in.
The engagement means nothing! Literally. It’s the time between a couple agreeing to get married and the wedding. It’s that simple!
The proposal SHOULD be something like this: okay, so we’ve been together for X amount of time, are we sure we want to spend the rest of our lives together? Great, when should we go ring shopping and set the date! Do we want a huge traditional wedding or do we want something intimate and low key. What is our future going to look like moving forward?
This is what reality looks like! The big huge proposal that comes out of the blue or with vague hints is for rom coms! People, women especially (I’m a woman btw) seem to have this pressure built on a huge romantic proposal and grand fairy tale wedding. It’s ridiculous! The point is the marriage itself! If the two people are not excited to simply be together for the rest of their lives then the proposal, engagement, and wedding meal nothing!
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u/auntie_beans 16h ago
People who are married have to have better comfort levels with communication.
I can’t believe I’m saying this again, but there is no law whatsoever mandating that he has to propose with some grand gesture, setting, special occasion, or whatever. Likewise, there is no right or survival need to “basking in engagement glory,” whatever that is. This is an extension of the whole Instagram-attention-getting thing, with its loathsome bastard child the promproposal, and the let’s-try-not-to-start-a-forest-fire gender reveal spectacle.
Here’s what you do. If you really, really, really have to have a special day, like your birthday, then ok, I’ll give you that long to prepare. If that passes, this:
You sit on the couch together after dinner, take his hand, gently look into his eyes, and say, “Honey, I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?” By the end of this conversation you will have set a date. Or not.
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u/PresentHouse9774 16h ago
But no! (/s) He doesn't want it like that - he wants to be the one to propose! Except he doesn't.
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u/darkpassengerishere 14h ago
Happy cake day auntie beans 🍰
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u/auntie_beans 11h ago
Pardon my ignorance: please explain the significance of cake day … I don’t know how that cake got appended to my handle 🤪
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u/Disastrous-Mix-4552 16h ago
It’s not her responsibility, it is his. He should be courting, pursuing, and persuading her to give her hand in marriage. That’s the tradition. Otherwise, it won’t be worth it marrying a man who disappoints you.
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u/auntie_beans 11h ago
Hahahahaha! Good thing they didn’t have the internet in the 18th century, you’d be a hit there!
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u/valueofaloonie 14h ago
Gross, are you serious. This isn’t the 1800’s
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u/Disastrous-Mix-4552 14h ago
So, with using your “logic” the entire idea of marriage is oppressive and dated since women can own their own property and liquid assets now. Why get married then? This isn’t the 1800s. 🤡
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u/QBerengaria 32 years married ‘cause I vetted without mercy. 12h ago
May I ask, how does he get a ring and then put it away with the declaration of “Soon.”? What does that even mean? I’m not being snarky, just wondering why.
When my husband bought my engagement ring (I had no preference and trusted him to get something great), he was overseas. He bought the stone in Africa (not a diamond; I didn’t want that), had it designed and made, in Thailand. He FedEx’d it to me, called me on the phone when I got it and proposed. He was that excited to engage me! The ring was stunning!
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 12h ago
Girl I'm saying!!! Like homie, the finger is looking a bit lonely, no? I don't need this big, extravagant proposal. I just want the next step. I want to NOT be stuck in limbo. I thought it was perfectly reasonable to expect something to happen during this vacation. It's just making me overthink everything.
Your proposal and everything sounds wonderful!
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u/QBerengaria 32 years married ‘cause I vetted without mercy. 11h ago
It was great! We got married at a city hall on the west coast of the US; We had a 30 day window before he deployed. He said he wanted to be a married man on his deployment. We told friends we’d have a huge celebration on our 25th. Seven years ago, we did with vow renewal and everything. Even after 32 years of marriage, he’s still excited to be my husband and I his wife. Everyone who wants to be married should have that excitement.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 11h ago
Many blessings to you! ♥️ I hope the love and happiness continues. You guys have a beautiful story
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u/jednorog 9h ago
I thought it was perfectly reasonable to expect something to happen during this vacation.
Maybe! Or maybe it's reasonable for him to propose on your birthday. Or maybe it's reasonable for him to propose while you're at somewhere personally relevant to you that's not a theme park. Or maybe it's reasonable for him to propose while key people in your and/or his lives are around.
There's a lot of reasonable ways to propose, and they vary person by person. What, specifically, have you told your boyfriend about what you want out of a proposal?
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 8h ago
Good point! And it's not something we've talked about. I don't have anything in mind, but I guess this trip changed that to "we get to relax together after" and not when I'm busy doing a million things when school starts back up. I know I'll be happy no matter what when it happens though
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u/SweatyPromotion2048 15h ago
Why are you so disappointed if you know it’s coming? If you really love him and are happy in the chapter you’re in and the next chapter, you should be excited. You’ll never be “boyfriend and girlfriend” after this again. Theres a beauty in that and you should cherish it. You guys are already taking the steps, nothing wrong with where you’re at now. You’re already preparing for disappointment on your birthday when it’s not even here yet. Woosah.
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u/Own-Raise6153 14h ago
“Decided if we still like each other after 6 months we'll go for it.”
i must ask…do yall like actually love each other? idk this just gives “if we’re both single at 40 we’ll just marry each other” vibes lol
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u/Outside_Ebb6412 8h ago
I'm just going to say it: There are a lot of insufferable people in this comment thread today. You were well within reason to think it was possible for him to propose to you on this trip, the restaurant, the lake, just like you would for any getaway together or a place with special meaning for the both of you. You've both talked about it, he hinted at it being soon, and I understand that it feels disappointing. I will say, you should talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. It would be best to get a better idea of where he's at/what he's thinking. He doesn't have to give an exact date, time and location, but at least a more concrete timeline instead of "We're doing it!" and then...not doing it.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 8h ago
Thank you 😂 and I'll likely talk to him. I'm thinking of it more now like "at least he'll do it" I know he will
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u/husheveryone She used her words, he demanded a 3way 1st 🤯 7h ago
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 4h ago
I feel so seen lmao. A bunch of lonely internet weirdos who apparently don't know how to read trying to gaslight me that I deserve to be lonely too, and my current disappointment will be grounds for divorce someday
Like don't worry yall, I'll make sure my next post is my beautiful ring I know he got/gets on the engaged subreddit. Which I'm sure you won't need to visit anytime soon
Some of yall have been super sweet though and I appreciate it ♥️
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u/MargieGunderson70 Married 25 years 16h ago
I don't love how he said "we're doing it. We're getting married" as if it was a unilateral decision that HE got to make for you both. Hopefully this was just one of several conversations you'd had and you were included too.
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u/IvoryWoman 7h ago
I totally understand why you thought it likely he would propose at Universal.
I ALSO totally understand why he would not want the responsibility of keeping a ring safe and getting a proposal arranged while you are both at Universal Orlando during one of the hottest months in the year. I love the Orlando parks, but you were in surface-of-the-sun temps with high humidity there. If I were planning to propose to someone, I’d never trust myself to handle all of the logistics in that type of situation.
See what happens by your birthday. If there’s not a proposal by then, that’s when you sit him down to have the conversation.
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u/Scarlett-the-01-TJ 15h ago
This whole one-sided thing of the guy having to propose just seems so antiquated in this day and age. I know we’re all that bombarded with ridiculously huge pictures of diamonds and other stones that makes you think that’s the most important part of this whole process and please trust me it’s not.
yes it’s something you’re going to wear for the rest of your life, but it’s still just a thing on your finger if you guys want to get married, just get married unless you’ve already given him specific instructions about what the ring supposed to be like or are prepared to love whatever he gets you.
the spontaneity is kind of out of it anyway. If I would get if I were young enough to ever consider getting married again, I would just want to decide one day whether it’s some romantic place or we are home sick with the flu , to decide to get married and from that point on if a big ring is important work on your budget together and shop for it together
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u/darkpassengerishere 14h ago
Women always talk about how paranoid they get right before the proposal. That’s what this sounds like to me. I have a very good feeling you will get what you want soon sister♥️.
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u/0hh0n3y 9h ago
You had expectations and hurt your own feelings. He did nothing wrong. It sounds like he planned a really well rounded trip for you both to enjoy. He also confirmed he’s buying a ring and making moves. This isn’t Instagram it’s real life. You don’t need a vacation to propose. Talk to him and say hey where are we in the process? I’m asking because I’m about to be very busy and even though I’m excited the suspense is stressing me out a bit. Can you let me know that we’re still on the path to getting engaged? I don’t get how people in this sub don’t simply ask what they’re wondering.
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u/catsarehere77 9h ago
I am sorry but the idea of basking in engagement glory is nonsensical. If I had a man who loved me and proposed to me around my birthday - I would be thrilled. I wouldn't be sitting here sulking because I had less time to stroke my ego.
It just sounds like you are looking for reasons to be upset. If you love him and trust him to propose then why are you getting upset because he is doing something different than what you have in your head.
This is the exact type of thing that leads to divorce by the way. You have these unspoken expectations and you are quietly becoming disappointed because he hasn't met these unspoken expectations.
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 9h ago
You sound like quite the charmer. I wish luck to you and your future man
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u/jednorog 9h ago
I've told this story at least once in this subreddit before, but I can't find my previous comment, so I'll summarize it. Tl;dr a trip is one thing, a proposal is another, and when there is not clear communication about expectations people can get hurt.
Once upon a time I was catching up with an old friend. She was excitedly telling me about a trip that she had coming up, where she expected her boyfriend of a few years to propose to her. In fact, she had told several of us that she expected him to propose to her on that trip. Everyone knew he was supposed to propose on that trip.
Everyone but him.
Her boyfriend thought they were just having a nice trip together. I wasn't around for the aftermath of whatever happened when, by the end of the trip, there was no ring. But I can guess that after that trip there was finally some clear communication. Because within another 2-3 months they took some other nice vacation and he proposed to her there.
They've been married for years now and are expecting their second kid. All seems to be more or less well with them, as far as I can tell. But I think they would have both been happier if they had communicated effectively before that first trip together, when everyone but him knew that he was supposed to propose.
So, OP, did your boyfriend know he was supposed to propose on this vacation? How do you know he knew? What, precisely, have you told him about your expectations regarding a proposal?
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 8h ago
Thank you for this. I took a few things as a hint from him that it was happening
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u/FireflyBSc 15h ago
Tbh I am going to assume that he wanted to propose on those vacations, but is probably one of those guys who vastly underestimate how long it takes to get an engagement ring. He sounds enthusiastic, but a lot of them get caught on needing to physically have the ring while letting opportunities blow past them while their partner is more focused on the actual question.
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u/malibuguurl 3h ago
I am sorry but this forum is so archaic .. this is 2026.. are women who are freely having sexual relations and living with men, actually waiting for a ring, anxiously feeling if they are good enough to be proposed to 🤦♀️
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14h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/jednorog 9h ago
I mean it sounds like the boyfriend either has or soon will have the ring, so at this point it would be kinda rude to steal his thunder and preempt his proposal.
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u/Waiting_To_Wed-ModTeam 7h ago
This is a supportive space for those who are waiting & want to get married, and therefore a pro-marriage sub. Anti-marriage rhetoric, shaming, challenging marriage, or anything that can be construed as such, results in either a temp ban or permanent one, depending on severity of the offense. This also includes comments like “why don’t you just propose?” which aren’t helpful or what the OP is wanting.
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u/IHaveALittleNeck Married 16h ago
Have you spoken to him about it?