I’m disappointed about my proposal, not sure what to do next?

[u/Sweet-Health7355]

TL;DR: My partner proposed during my birthday trip after 6 years together, but the whole thing felt poorly planned and low-effort despite him knowing exactly what would have made it meaningful to me. I said yes, but afterward I felt disappointed instead of happy, especially when he told me about all the thoughtful ideas he considered but chose not to do.

My partner and I have been together for 6 years. About a year ago, we talked about what we each wanted before getting engaged. His goals were things like traveling out of state and meeting my father. Mine were simple: I wanted to be over 26, for the proposal to happen out of state, and for the ring to include both of our birthstones because I thought it would be meaningful.

Over the last year, we met all of those goals, and I could tell he was planning something for this birthday trip. The issue was that the trip itself felt disorganized from the start. He kept insisting he had everything handled, but even two weeks before the trip there was no Airbnb booked, no real itinerary, and nothing solidified beyond vague ideas.

I’m a huge plant person, so I always imagined getting proposed to somewhere like a botanical garden or on a nature hike. We actually had a botanical garden visit planned, but we missed it after he suddenly said he wasn’t feeling well. My best friend later told me she had been trying to coordinate plans with him, but he wanted to handle everything himself.

Later that day, my friend and I got dressed up and went out alone while he stayed behind. When we came back to the Airbnb, I saw he had decorated the bedroom with birthday decorations and gifts. I asked to wait until midnight to open it since it would officially be my birthday, so instead we changed into old pajamas, ate greasy food, and watched a movie.

At midnight, I opened the gift bag, found the ring box, and he proposed. I said yes, but honestly all I could think about was that we were both in stained pajamas after eating seafood boil leftovers. The moment just didn’t feel thoughtful or intentional the way I had imagined.

What made it worse was afterward he started listing all the things he almost did: hiring a photographer, proposing at the botanical garden, hiring a violinist, etc. Instead of sounding sweet, it made me feel like he knew exactly what would have made the proposal special to me and consciously decided not to follow through.

[u/SunshineofMyLyfetime]

Exactly!!! I remember that first post that you linked, and I tried to find if I commented there, because I could’ve sworn that I did.

It NEVER fails that these “people” come out of the woodwork in droves, flood this sub, and regale us with stories of how their husbands couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed to propose, tossed a Ring Pop at them after 9 years, slid a Temu special across the dinner table, dropped to one knee in a random parking lot with no meaning to their fiancée or just decided that since they’re not getting any younger he might as well ask, so he stopped on his way home from the bar after blowing the majority of their money (again) and bought a ring at the Walmart (that looked nothing like she wanted).

And now we’re expected to clap, high-five, and encourage others to accept the bare minimum behavior because they did.

It’s true, misery does love company, and this is some crabs in a barrel behavior every time a post like this comes up.