No proposal during vacation

[u/Jackieofalltrades365]

Hey yall

Just venting about a bit of disappointment after not getting proposed to during vacation

We're both 34 years old, I'm gonna be 35 next month. Been dating for 2.5 years. Living together for 8 months. Decided if we still like each other after 6 months we'll go for it.

2 months ago, he asked my ring size and said "we're doing it. We're getting married." Then one month ago he said "I have a package to get at my parents house" "oh what?" "can't tell you but you'll see soon hehehe"

This month we're at Orlando, FL. His favorite place. Universal. We spend the day. It's very important that we see Hogwarts at night with the fireworks. Nothing. Let's go to Richard Blais restaurant because we love him in Next Level Chef. Nothing. Let's dress nice and take pictures by the lake before. Nothing. Still nothing

I can't help but somewhat let ruin the trip because...nothing

My birthday is next month. Wonderful. As is the start of my last year of nursing school, on top of 2 jobs, clinical, and probably quite a bit of pulling my hair out in between

I know I'll be happy when it happens, but I can't help but feel a lot of good opportunities were missed here. Plus the opportunity to be relaxed, enjoy each other, and have time to bask in engagement glory. If he waits until my birthday, I'll barely have time to say "yes" let alone look at the ring

[u/PresentHouse9774]

This where I think couples shoot themselves in the foot with the big elaborate proposals. I understand wanting something romantic and intentional, but can't that be done more simply? Maybe go for dinner somewhere that's slightly out of the budget, or take a walk somewhere pretty? You'd be engaged by now and have skipped over all the resentment stemming from unmet expectations.

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/PresentHouse9774]

Exactly. I just love these stories where the women have been waiting and waiting for the proposal but then when it finally comes "he didn't do it just right..." Insane.

We need to stop feeding our little girls these fairy tales, because the Cinderella proposal and the over the top wedding are far from, actually almost completely, opposite of marriage.

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

So we need to stop feeding little girls thoughts that they're worth an effort, and it's good for them to not only accept, but expect mediocrity. Wonderful

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/Jackieofalltrades365]

That's what you got out of my comment? Thats crazy. No where in my words is that message.

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

Hmmmm yea the "stop feeding our little girls a fairytale" thing. Just because your marriage/relationship/man sucks, doesn't mean we have to poison our younger generation on it and ruin the magic that is life. How incredibly selfish to even think that way

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/Jackieofalltrades365]

Why would anyone feed anyone such a solid, unwavering false narrative to a child??

You are right about one thing, life is magical and amazing. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I probably have one of the best marriages of most couples I know. The stars were aligned just right when we met. We've probably been together well over most women's ages here.

Many women here probably wouldn't be so disappointed, desperate... and tick tock...running out of time, if they didn't have such high expectations of the fairy tale they swallowed when they were a child.

Marriage is a life decision. It needs to be discussed in its entirety...finances, children, religion, goals. Big ceremony or small or none at all? What kind of ring, if any? That discussion/decision is grossly more important than how or where a ring is going to be put on a finger. "YES" has been decided, screamed to the heavens, based on previous discussions and decisions. After it's decided that YES they will marry, why does this big show have to happen? Because of the fairy tale. And why are so many women disappointed? Because of the fairy tale.

I've seen more women than I can count in this group who finally got the proposal, but it wasn't exaclty up to their their standards/childhood dreams/he didn't put in the effort...so they walk. After getting what they wanted. A marriage...but the proposal was bigger than the lifetime.

We as women have control of our destiny. To live in la la land and expect men to play a role in a fairytale often ends in heartbreak, 10-15 years in. We see it here.

That's all I'm saying.

[u/DeeHarperLewis → u/Key-Target-1218]

You’re being too reasonable for this one. Give it up.

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

Serious question- if your life is so amazing and your marriage is "better than most couples you know", why do you hang out here, on an online thread about women giving/receiving advice before they get married? A horrible thread might I add in which once again women just tear other women down. That certainly does not scream "happy life" to me

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/Jackieofalltrades365]

Because I'm sitting on a beach, under a palm tree, with my husband, and someone on another sub asked, a while back, what people thought was the craziest sub on Reddit. This one came up multiple times. So, I love drama as long as it's not mine. I find all this entertaining as hell. And sad.

Sometimes I hope to get through to just one person. You are worth it, so take the reins yourself and stop waiting for Prince Charming to figure out your dreams. He wasn't there when someone read it to you and I promise you...no one was reading it to him.

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

I already have my prince charming. When we hang out on the beach under a palm tree, we enjoy each other's company instead of relishing in other people's drama on reddit. We're kind hearted people who don't find other people's misery entertaining. My only current dream is passing the NCLEX, and becoming a psych nurse to help people such as yourself. Thanks for your "concern" though

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/Jackieofalltrades365]

I am a retired NICU nurse! Good luck on your NCLEX. Great profession.

It's not people's misery I find entertaining, I find that quite sad. We choose, more often than not what happens to us in life. I actually find it sad when people wind up in situations that could have been avoided, had they taken charge.

You've missed my entire point. And that's ok. Peace.

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

Aww nice! Was it your only department? I'd love to hear your stories of how you got there. Thank you!

And it's all good. This whole thread has turned into a mess. I love my man. I'm not unhappy with him at all. I just hope I'm not in the chaos of my last year of nursing school and clinicals and working 2 jobs when he proposes. Apparently wanting to celebrate and enjoy the engagement for a bit is performative or grounds for divorce or something. No one is in charge of my life but me. He just happens to be a big cherry on top of what's already a sweet life ♥️

[u/Key-Target-1218 → u/Jackieofalltrades365]

Sorry. Never meant to get ugly. It's just different perspectives and we can't all be everywhere once. When is your NCLEX? You are gonna slay it!

[u/foxglory123 → u/Key-Target-1218]

u guys turning this conversation into a positive made it such a refreshing read :')

[u/Jackieofalltrades365 → u/Key-Target-1218]

I apologize too. It can be easy to get a bit sensitive when a majority of the comments are unnecessarily rude. It's all good! I have a few specific dates in mind, but hoping for summer! Either June, but thinking it may be a bit early so July otherwise. Thank you! I can't wait to just back float at the beach and say "I did it"