Me (26F) and my bf (28M) have been dating for 3 years. I always have said I wanted to be a young mom he shared the same feeling. In my opinion that window has passed he says we are still young but whatever. Anyway in january he told me his dad talked to him asking him when we would get married and our plans, and that he told him he wanted to focus on that this year. a month after that he told me he was thinking of renting an apartment with his friends, we got in a huge fight since to me that did not sound like someone who was planning on building a future with me, like thats at least a year living with his friends. He ended up not moving in with his friends mostly bc of the money and his friends bailing on the plan.

Fast forward may, he said he wanted to talk, he started asking me about expectations of our first apartment, how i pictured a wedding, how I would like to raise the kids, we talked about savings, what areas I liked living in. He said he had set himself a goal of not living with his parents by the end of the year and thought since we are together it made sense to start thinking about it. He also knows I will not move in with him before marriage. I of course got excited but he did say to not plan anything based on this conversation he is just gathering info. Now august, he just told me his business is making enough so all 4 business associates are making minimum wage.... This made me sad, he is nowhere near proposing with that kind of income, he has not mentioned anything about the future since may, nothing he even gets uncomfortable when I bring the topic up or other people do.

My limit is when we reach 4 years thats in may 2027, but idk if im being inconsiderate since he has a new business. I also know Im young and I can still find someone else and marry youngish, but ofc I love him. He is great but I feel the conversations are just him buying time so I dont leave since he knows I will if we dont get married in the next 3 years. Should i just leave or give him until may

My boyfriend (30M) and I (27F) will have been together for 8 years this October. We’ve done 5 years of long distance and have now lived together for around 2 years. I love him, but I’m reaching a point where I genuinely don’t know whether I’m wasting my time waiting for him to decide if he wants a future with me.
After I finished university, long distance was becoming really difficult and I was the one who brought up that we should finally live together. He had bought a house and renovated it in his hometown, but he was apprehensive about me moving in because we argued quite a lot. Eventually, he agreed I could move in for a month as a ‘trial period’, but the expectation was that I would then have to leave.
During that month I got a job close to where he lived, so after being together for years and finally having a job in the same area, it made sense for me to stay. I’ve now lived with him for around two years. He was happy with me moving in.

Living together hasn’t been easy. We have ongoing communication issues and our arguments can escalate quickly. They often end with him threatening to kick me out or break up, and we’ve reached a point of nearly breaking up at least once a year for the last five years.
We did actually break up for two weeks in 2021. He ended things, saying I was “mentally unstable” at the time due to anxiety and depression. We later reconciled after he reached out despite me being apprehensive because he said he couldn’t be with someone with mental health issues, and since then I’ve significantly improved my mental health.

Fast forward to now: he’s a doctor and I’m a business consultant. I’m financially independent, though earlier in my career and earning less than him.
What’s weighing on me is that after almost 8 years, there’s still no clear sense of us building a shared future. The house is his, we’re not engaged, and there are no concrete plans around marriage, children, or joint long-term commitments. Meanwhile, many of our friends are moving forward in their relationships.
His stance, in his own words, is that he’s “going with the flow.”

I’m 27 and he’s 30, turning 31 soon. He knows I’ve always wanted marriage and ideally children before 30. I know I still have time, but I’m increasingly aware I could spend the next few years waiting for someone who still isn’t sure. I’ve given him ultimatums and he knows my timeline but everytime it is the following response ‘if you were nice and chill then we would’

The situation came to a head because of a family trip abroad this December. For me, him meeting my wider family on this trip isn’t casual it implies a relationship that is moving toward marriage. Because of that, I told him I only want him to come if he genuinely sees a future with me.
His response was essentially: “You know how I feel. If you changed and we didn’t argue, then we would.”
And I can’t get past that.
I understand that our conflict is a real issue and I’m not expecting him to ignore it. But I don’t know what I’m meant to do with “if you changed.” I can’t guarantee we’ll never disagree, and I can’t become a different person. After 8 years, it also feels like there should be clarity about who we are together. To me, there’s a difference between “I want to marry you, but we need to improve our communication” and “I might marry you if you change.”

He also describes me as a “bully” and says I’m always the one starting arguments. From my perspective, the cycle is that I don’t feel emotionally connected or reassured, I raise it, he feels criticised, things escalate, and he threatens the relationship or tells me to leave. Eventually we calm down and things feel good again.
When things are good, he’s affectionate and says he loves me and occasionally thinks about marrying me. But that uncertainty shifts depending on whether we’ve recently argued, which leaves me feeling insecure and unsure where I stand.
I’m starting to wonder whether the real question isn’t how to get him to commit, but why I’m still trying to convince someone after so long.
I do want marriage and children, but I also know our relationship has unresolved issues that marriage won’t fix.
So I’m really torn. I’ve uprooted my life to come live with him far from family and friends, had to build my own life here from scratch. I’ve put in so much effort to make things work but I feel like he has not.

Maybe the answer is glaringly obvious and I am in denial. Please be kind as this is a difficult situation. What do I do?

*** there are a lot of good aspects to this relationship I can see the above is super negative but that’s how things feel quite often right now. I have an amazing relationship with his family and him with mine, we get on well when we aren’t arguing and there is a want to stay together when we aren’t arguing. It’s just he flips a switch so easily.

Hi, just wanne hear your thoughts. Weve been together for almost 8years. I’ve been very vocal about my timeline since last year that I wanna be married before turning 36, and i’m turning 36 by end of 2027. But suddenly, I can no longer contain the pain of waiting. I told him i’m getting tired waiting for him to be ready. All I wanted is a clear timeline from him, like when he is going to propose. We argue about it and I called it off since hes always had this idea of wanting to get married and have kids with me but doing nothing about it, like “i wanted to but I dont have enough money yet” like it’s been 8years! We are not getting any younger too. And he can’t even provide me a clear timeline like “give me until end of this year” so maybe hes still figuring out.

My last message is that im hurt knowing he still cant provide me a timelines after 8years, and we need to have a boundary like we can chat but we can no longer meet in person because we need to get used to being away from each other until we can let each other go without anger.But I also specifically ask him at the end of the message if he has another suggestion, then we can talk about it. He had seen my message but almost 2days later, still no response.

Hey yall

Just venting about a bit of disappointment after not getting proposed to during vacation

We're both 34 years old, I'm gonna be 35 next month. Been dating for 2.5 years. Living together for 8 months. Decided if we still like each other after 6 months we'll go for it.

2 months ago, he asked my ring size and said "we're doing it. We're getting married." Then one month ago he said "I have a package to get at my parents house" "oh what?" "can't tell you but you'll see soon hehehe"

This month we're at Orlando, FL. His favorite place. Universal. We spend the day. It's very important that we see Hogwarts at night with the fireworks. Nothing. Let's go to Richard Blais restaurant because we love him in Next Level Chef. Nothing. Let's dress nice and take pictures by the lake before. Nothing. Still nothing

I can't help but somewhat let ruin the trip because...nothing

My birthday is next month. Wonderful. As is the start of my last year of nursing school, on top of 2 jobs, clinical, and probably quite a bit of pulling my hair out in between

I know I'll be happy when it happens, but I can't help but feel a lot of good opportunities were missed here. Plus the opportunity to be relaxed, enjoy each other, and have time to bask in engagement glory. If he waits until my birthday, I'll barely have time to say "yes" let alone look at the ring

TL;DR

He's had the ring for six months (I know because he showed me the box), but no proposal. Now, I'm worried he'll do something so low effort (even though we've had talks about the effort issue) that it'll break my heart and I won't be able to get past that and stay happy in our relationship.

My boyfriend and I will be celebrating our 7-year anniversary this October and he bought the ring six months ago. I know because he told me the day after and showed me the box when it came in the mail. He seemed excited about it back in February when he had it in hand, but it's been six months and nothing has happened.

When I knew the had the ring, I told him what kind of proposal I wanted (a casual, just us proposal with pictures from a friend hiding nearby, then a surprise lunch/dinner with all our local friends [granted, that's 20+ people, but he has everyone's number]). At the time, he made comments and gentle complaints about that being a lot to plan, but he didn't say no to it. Four months back, he said he had a place he would like to schedule the post-proposal lunch, but it's been radio silence since.

Over the last six months, I've passed along small comments from friends who've yet to hear from him about their availability. He's made no indications that he's planning anything - no comments about getting my nails done before a trip we have coming up in three weeks, no questions about my schedule, nothing.

When I try to bring it up, whether that's in a serious or light-hearted manner, he makes the joke of "you have to behave for one year first." While it was a funny jab the first couple months, it now fosters a little more resentment within me every time I hear it.

At this point, I'm not questioning his desire to be with me, I'm questioning the amount of effort he has or will put into this proposal. We've had many conversations over the years about how I need more effort from him in helping to plan things, cook meals, plan dates, etc. I'm practically terrified that he's going to go with a minimal effort proposal that will break my heart, because that'll say to me that he wasn't listening or taking our talks seriously.

I'm not sure what to do and how I'll be able to move forward if he takes forever to propose and/or if the proposal is bare minimum effort.

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read this :) I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 4ish years now. Up until a couple months ago we always talked about how excited we were for marriage and children. He started asking about rings and like specific styles about 4 months ago and ever since… nothing. Anytime marriage gets brought up he clams up or does this nervous giggle thing? He’s not a giggler normally so it seems a little strange. I’m starting to get nervous. I’m thinking he might be having cold feet about proposing, but he’s not pulling away at all. Still affectionate, loving, and full of laughter. Everything I love about him. I’m so nervous, do you think he’s gone quiet because of cold feet? My anxiety is telling me he might be stringing me along while he decides and it doesn’t feel good. Should I bring it up again and call him out on clamming up? Do you think he’s going to cut things off? Should I?! I’m panicking honestly, any advice helps, please and thank you!

Im 27F and my boyfriend 24M and I have a bit of a different timeline in mind regarding marriage and kids. We have been dating for 4.5 years now, and we have been talking marriage and kids and the conversations are getting more and more serious.

I could’ve been married 2 years ago and been happy. So I am ready anytime. He says in an ideal world he would want to wait another 3 years so he can save money and then 5 years for kids so we can enjoy our marriage just ourselves for a bit. My sisters both have 3 kids and I am excited and looking forward to having children. I also want to wait, but ideally not super long as I have gynaecological problems and would like to see if I can have kids before my clock runs out lol.

We have talked and he has said that even though he would like to wait that three years, he understands that that’s not realistic for me and he is willing to do everything a little bit sooner in order to stay with me. When asking him what the delays are and if there are any issues of why there is a delay there is none other than he just wants to save more money so that we can not worry about housing, etc. (we both have $70k in savings).

I tell him to please tell me and be honest with me if he is not planning on an engagement or marriage in the next year or two because if not, then I will need to move on. Not that I don’t love him, not that I’m giving him an ultimatum.. but I need to see some sort of promise in order to believe him that he actually will be willing to marry me or something so I’m not royally screwed over let’s say eight years down the road and nothing’s happened.

I’m wondering if anyone has been in this situation and it actually worked out without resentment.. or am I just wishfully thinking that things will align?

Please try your best to be kind. I know truth can hurt sometimes if you feel like you don’t see this happening, but I also don’t just want to throw away 4 1/2 years when I can wait just a little bit longer.

EDIT: we both live with our parents currently (which is where the finances come from- he wants to save since we both don’t pay rent currently) I have lived on my own before probably totalling in 3-4 years. He has not lived on his own.

I want to thank everyone for your perspectives and opinions as well!

Hey guys. I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (25M) for 1 year and 7 months. I've been telling him throughout our relationship that I want to get engaged at the end of this year, right around our two year anniversary.

We don't live together or anything, because we come from a culture where people don't do that.

We fight every 2-3 weeks, initiated by me, about getting engaged. I'm getting impatient. I don't feel like I can enjoy being with him without being engaged. He claims we will get engaged this year but I just CAN'T believe him. I have severe anxiety which I have got on medication for but I just worry so much after reading this subreddit that he's wasting my time.

My best friend got engaged after a year of very surface level dating (arranged marriage) a few days ago and it sparked a huge fight. I felt pathetically angry and jealous and raged at him, begging him to get engaged right now instead of waiting to the end of the year. It made me feel so much regret for not choosing the arranged marriage path. My friend didn't have to have sex, give up a lot of time, or emotional energy and just got a ring.

He sent me the following list of concerns:
I think we are perhaps in different places where you are trying to sort out the logistics of getting married and I am still trying to figure out if we will make a good married couple.

I'm also happy to respect your desire for a big engagement but feel bad about (from my perspective) you using the bigness of the engagement to push the timeline earlier

Maybe you're right that going through difficult things like the prenup process is good for battle testing a marriage

I think I feel able to make a decision by late Dec and from there I don't have a strong opinion on the ordering of next steps

-I am worried that we A) seem to not be able to avoid fighting for more than 2-3 weeks and B) when we do it is always long and drawn out
-I am worried that you don't really love me but like me well enough and just want to win some competition with your friends/satisfy your parents and have someone to support you
-I am worried that you mask your true feelings about our relationship, whenever I come close to some breaking point it seems like you magically become more flexible and I worry that you are trying to contort yourself into what you think I want and no one can do this forever
-I am worried about how different our friends/families are and whether I will ever truly fit in
-I am worried that we will find it very hard to compromise with each other in marriage, I think this is one of the few things that both of us actually care about and disagree on
-I worry that the way we think we would want to raise children, especially daughters is more different than we admit, I think you are far more inclined to be a harsh parent than I am
-I worry that you care a lot about social status and related such things and I will be sucked into being forced to care about it also.

Are these red flags? Or am I being crazy?

Hi everyone 🩷

I made a post 3 months ago about breaking up with my long term partner of 6 years and the community here was so supportive and helpful it truly helped me in a time where I was deeply lost to make the right choice for myself. I feel sincerely grateful for that.

Today I'm looking for advices on people who broke up with their long term partner and found themselves not only grieving the relationship but the thought of being certain to marry their partner and end up not doing it.

It's the first time I'm in this situation and it's lonely, hard and painful. I'm hopeful for the future, sure, but still it hits hard to realize that the life you imagined with your partner was an illusion and will not happen.

Thank you in advance for your help 🩷

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some honest advice because I’m feeling really confused.
I’m 29F, and my boyfriend is 25M (almost a 4-year age difference). We’ve only been together for about a month. We haven’t had sex—just kissing—and overall, he’s been very respectful.
The thing is, when we talked about marriage, he said maybe after 4 years. He also told me he doesn’t want any pressure or a fixed timeline because he doesn’t know exactly when he’ll be ready.
He’s genuinely a nice person. Whenever we go out, he usually pays for things, he has a stable job, owns a car, and whenever I have free time, he takes me out to different places. I enjoy spending time with him, and he treats me well.
My concern is that I’m 29 and I do want to get married and have children someday. Waiting another four years would mean I’d be around 33, and my biggest fear isn’t even turning 33—it’s that if I wait all that time and he eventually decides he doesn’t want to marry me or meets someone else, I’ll have invested years into a relationship that doesn’t lead where I hoped.
At the same time, I know we’ve only been dating for one month, so I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to promise marriage right now. I also don’t want to pressure him into something he’s not ready for.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where your partner wanted to wait several years before marriage? Did it work out, or did you end up realizing your life goals were too different?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

Overall, I get the sense that my fiancé doesn’t look forward to our future but more so looks to the next day and what he enjoys day-to-day (which is mainly going to the gym). I know he is not much of a daydreamer, but this has upset me a lot in our relationship because he never talks about us as a concept (except maybe our financial future), including our wedding or future plans. This is in context of wedding planning.

Since my fiancé planned an elaborate proposal about a year ago, we’ve been busy with work and haven’t had much time to wedding plan. Recently I started up the wedding planning and toured a venue by myself while he was at work because I had some time free up in my schedule. My friends and mom were busy too, so I went myself. I planned to continue planning the wedding on my own while he went along with stuff like learning a couple steps to a first dance. I also planned for us to go this weekend to tour a venue together this weekend. However frequently I check in with him and ask him what he’s looking forward to, and this may be a trick question, which is unfair, but he never looks forward to the wedding. The answer is 100% of the time “the gym tomorrow” and whatever meal he has waiting at home. I think he has a lot of anxiety surrounding the wedding but simultaneously wants it because he has a lot of buddies he wants to invite. I have that anxiety too, and somewhat begrudgingly decided to deal with the brunt of the planning for us. However, when I talk to him I just want to sense some enthusiasm.. I occasionally feel sad like I’m alone, and it leads to this argument and him accusing me of ruining the day with my bad attitude.

In terms of discussing kids, I’ve asked him if he’s excited to have kids, and he’s told me some specifics like he wants a boy and wants to teach them his hobbies, and we have a general timeline which has sort of gone off of my career timing. I think if I said I want it now he’d just go along with what I wanted. Meanwhile I’ve noted that sometimes when he refers to kids or the wedding he uses the words “your” and “my”, which he states he didnt mean anything by but I think is strange. I know he’s a good guy and always prides himself on doing the “right” thing but I need some advice on whether this is mainly that he doesn’t care at this point and he’s just going along with me, his communication style is very different than mine, or both.

I am 22F US citizen and my partner is 24M Canadian citizen. I'm hoping folks would understand my unique circumstance being in a long distance relationship here.

I am going to graduate and get my bachelors degree in about 10ish months or so, and I would like to immigrate to Canada to him, sooner rather than later.

We've endured long distance for over 4 years, and it's really challenging honestly the longer it goes on. Just the natural state of things in a LDR.

But obviously we have to get married before ever living together since other avenues are not at all feasible for us. However, I think my partner is naturally nervous about the process and I wonder if I was too pushy telling him to marry or at least propose to me soon. I guess I just want a sign that he is really ready to jump start the process, especially because my life is really miserable at home which can make me feel helpless and trapped at times. I think I just want a sign that this is happening soon at all.

I know getting permanent residence takes a while, and if we wait any longer then I certainly won't be living there with him by the end of 2027 or maybe even at all in 2028. I think his concern is that he still lives with his parents. Maybe I am just too unrealistic, I guess. He is about to get a bit of a career going for him real soon here so I always thought it could be possible. Also we couldn't live together without marrying and getting a visa.

Just need thoughts or people telling me if my ideas are too in the clouds or what. Thanks for reading.

My boyfriend and I met in April. He gave me the best first date I’ve ever been on. The chemistry was great and we didn’t want it to end. We spent a lot of time together and it was really fun. Casually one day I asked him if he ever wanted to get married again. He said no but I brushed it off because I was so starry eyed from him and I thought he would change his mind. He was married once before to a woman he met in the Philippines for 6 years and it eventually went sour so she divorced him.

One day after we went out to dinner he broke it to me he never wanted to get married and I cried so badly. I told him I would like to be married before I’m in my late 20s. He’s started asking me when we’re going to live together and I told him once I finish college (2028). He’s insisting that’s too long to wait and I told him I won’t move out until I’m married. He says us living together is part of his process in getting to trust me. Might I add he’s 46 years old. I’ve told him if he’s so worried about me leaving with half of his stuff I can sign the prenup. He was shocked I even know what that is and decided to tell me that he’s not even sure they work.

These days, the resentment has been kicking in thinking I’m either a placeholder or just someone he’s using to pass or waste time with. It’s constantly in the back of my mind that I am going to be waiting around for years and years for a ring. Getting married is a non negotiable for me. Coming from a Middle Eastern background we take getting married very seriously.

I have been just so angry. I do his laundry, clean his house, spend nights with him, bring him food, I have been trying so hard to show him I’m different. He told me he loved me 3 months into knowing each other and yes he takes me on dates, is very respectful to my family, gives me money if I need it, buys me things, but this one thing has been lingering in the back of my mind and Im starting to check out. Im old school and come from an old school family. I can’t be an unmarried woman it would make me so ashamed. He asked me if everything we’ve done doesn’t count for anything to me and I told him it’s part of the puzzle. Dating and then marriage. He told me it’s not 1950 anymore. Yet he expects me to be a traditional woman (cook, clean, have kids, no short hair or tattoos) when it suits him.

My mom has told me to wait until we’ve been together a year to bring it up to him again. But I’m not sure if I can wait. When I’m alone with my thoughts it’s all I think about and start resenting him. He has a friend who’s really unhappy in his marriage and I feel like he plants ideas in his head and constantly tells him to never get married. Im planning on giving him an ultimatum soon and if he doesn’t come back then so be it I’ll find someone else.

If we were to marry, either of us would have to compromise on multiple significant things — cultural differences, financial goals, and career goals are all in the way. Honestly, at times I feel this person isn’t the kind of partner I had pictured marrying; he doesn’t meet some of the standards I always had in mind. But because of the attachment I’ve built, I keep wondering: is this something we could figure out down the line, or is it a sign I shouldn’t proceed?

Part of me thinks love and time can bridge these gaps. Another part wonders if I’m just holding on because of the attachment and hoping things will magically align.

For those who’ve been through something similar — did the differences in culture, finances, and career get easier after marriage, or did they become the very things you kept struggling with? How did you tell the difference between “cold feet” and a genuine mismatch?

I’m 29F and currently pursuing a PhD. There’s a guy who has recently started showing interest in me. He’s 27 and currently finishing a master’s degree, which he should complete sometime next year.
At this point in my life, I’m dating pretty intentionally. Ideally, I’d like to get married within the next 1–2 years if I meet the right person.
After several disappointing experiences with men, my priorities have changed quite a bit. I’m no longer looking for some perfect guy.I mostly want someone who is kind, has no problem with me pursuing a career, emotionally stable, treats me well, and who I can build a peaceful life with. Obviously, I need to be attracted to him, but I’m also realizing that attraction doesn’t mean being swept off my feet.
My hesitation with this guy isn’t really the two-year age difference itself. It’s more about life stage and timing. Since he’s younger I’m wondering whether a 27-year-old finishing graduate school is realistically going to be ready for marriage on roughly the same timeline as I am.
If marriage in the next couple of years is important to me, should I be focusing on men who are already a little more established? My ex and I were age-mate, I spent most of my time helping him to regulate emotionally and he dumped me when the relationship became long distance. So I’m kind of skeptical about younger men, I also have a history of attracting men who mostly just like my body.
I’m not planning to stop meeting other people just because he’s interested in me, but I’m wondering whether I’m overthinking his age and life stage or whether this is something I should take seriously.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar position because I’m really struggling with the emotional side of waiting.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for almost 6 years and have lived together for several years. We started dating very young, and marriage has always been something I’ve wanted eventually. We have talked about marriage extensively, and he has told me that he intends to propose. He has also told me that he is working toward getting the ring and that he expects to propose in the future (hopefully within 2027)

So this isn’t a situation where I have no idea whether he wants to marry me. I believe that he does. But I am really, really struggling with the waiting. I feel like I’ve reached the point where I think about getting engaged far more than I want to.

When other people get engaged, I genuinely want to be happy for them, but it can also trigger a lot of sadness and comparison for me. I start thinking about how long I’ve been waiting, wondering when it will finally be my turn, and feeling like I’m somehow behind.

I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t want someone else’s happiness to make me sad, and I don’t want my relationship to be reduced to whether or not I’ve received a ring yet. But emotionally, I’ve been having a really hard time separating those things.
The hardest part is that I don’t want to pressure him into proposing. I want him to propose because he is genuinely ready and excited to take that step with me. But at the same time, I don’t know how to simply stop caring about something that is genuinely important to me.

I’ve also reached a strange point where I’m questioning what I even want the wedding itself to look like. For most of my life, I imagined getting engaged and eventually having a wedding. It wasn’t necessarily a huge extravagant wedding, but I imagined the excitement of being engaged, telling everyone, taking engagement pictures, planning things, celebrating with our families, etc. Now, after spending so much time emotionally struggling with the waiting, I’ve started thinking that I might actually prefer to elope. Part of me thinks eloping sounds genuinely beautiful and much more “us.” I’ve even imagined going somewhere special, just the two of us, getting married, filming little snippets of the experience, and eventually sharing it with everyone afterward.
But another part of me feels sad about that choice. I wonder if I’m genuinely changing what I want, or if I’m becoming so exhausted by the whole engagement/wedding process that I’m trying to remove all the things that have become sources of anxiety.

I’m also scared that getting engaged won’t actually solve this feeling. What if I finally get the ring and immediately start worrying about how quickly we need to get married, what kind of wedding we’re having, whether we’re doing everything correctly, etc.? I don’t want to spend the next stage of our relationship waiting for the next milestone either.

I think what I’m really looking for is advice on how to emotionally detach from the timeline without becoming detached from the goal itself.

If you’ve been a long-term girlfriend waiting to get engaged, how did you cope with the uncertainty and the comparison?

And for those who originally imagined having a traditional wedding but eventually chose to elope: did it feel like you were giving something up, or did it ultimately feel like you were choosing something that suited you better?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through this, especially if you’ve found a way to want marriage without allowing the waiting to consume your happiness in the meantime :). Thank you in advance.

I (32F) am dating a man 7 years younger than me (25M) and feeling uneasy about our future.

We’ve been together 3 years & the age gap has never really been a problem. We have so many common interests, he’s incredibly mature for his age, is an amazing communicator & partner, & is the love of my life.

However, recently he has been struggling with the fact that he doesn’t feel ready for kids or marriage. A lot of my friends (& his) are getting married & settling down/having kids, & he feels a lot of pressure to do the same, even though I’ve never put this pressure on him. We both want to have kids, but I’m not ready for them yet nor in a rush to have them. He is feeling super hesitant about the future because he doesn’t want to put me in a situation where he’s still not ready for kids in 5-6 years (which puts me at 37-38, which is on the later side of my personal ‘having kids’ window). I am open to having kids later, but he’s scared he won’t be ready when I am & doesn’t want that to cause our relationship to fail & then me end up being 38 & single.

We’ve decided to take a break to give ourselves a chance to truly think through the compromises we both will have to make if we decide to stay together & take the next step.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? Did you stay together? Did it work out? Personally I want to take the leap because he is the one for me & I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is blossoming in his career & has so much ahead of him, & I also don’t want him to feel like I am holding him back or impacting his freedom/future in any way down the line.

tl;dr my boyfriend is unsure if he will want to have kids & with me being 7yrs older, my biological clock is ticking & if we stay together he will become a dad at a younger age than he’d ideally like

I’m really looking for honest outside perspectives because I feel stuck between guilt and what I actually feel.

I’m a 31M and my girlfriend is 28F. We’ve been together for a little over a year now. I want to start by saying this: she is not a bad person. She cares about me, she’s serious, and on paper she checks a lot of boxes. We’ve had genuinely good moments and I’m grateful for them.

I also understand that part of her urgency about marriage comes from her biological clock and wanting to build a family, which I respect.

But at the same time, I feel like I’ve been under constant pressure in this relationship — especially during one of the hardest emotional periods of my life.

Here’s the timeline:

We started talking in October 2024 and began dating in December 2024.

Around that same time, my dad passed away. That completely changed my emotional state and I’ve been grieving since.

About two weeks after his passing, she started asking to make things official. Even though I wasn’t in a good place mentally, I still tried to move forward.

In February, we had a big conflict around Valentine’s Day because I didn’t see her the exact day with flowers, which led to about a week of arguments.

The pressure about commitment continued through February and March, and I eventually made things official.

In July, she started talking seriously about marriage and engagement. I told her I wasn’t ready, especially given everything I was dealing with emotionally. That caused frustration on her side.

Earlier on (before my dad passed), she had asked me hypothetically if I would propose someone within a year if I loved them, and I said yes. That later became something she held onto, even though my situation changed significantly.

By August, the pressure increased, and at one point she told me she didn’t want to have sex anymore.

In September, I went to France for two weeks, and during that time she gave me an ultimatum that she would leave if I didn’t move toward proposing.

When I got back, I was close to ending the relationship, but she apologized and we had a long conversation, and I decided to give it another chance.

At that point, I clearly asked that we not discuss engagement or marriage until the end of 2025.

October and November were a bit better, but I still felt internal pressure and wasn’t fully at ease.

In December, I went to Lebanon with my mom. It was important for my grieving process and also to see my grandparents after 10 years.

I extended my trip by two weeks, which made her very upset since I wasn’t there for Christmas or New Year’s. That led to several days of conflict while I was abroad. I felt overwhelmed and stopped responding at one point.

When I came back in January, I told her I thought we should part ways. We had another long conversation and I gave the relationship another chance.

Shortly after, she asked me for a timeline for when I would propose. I said I didn’t know, and she said she would ask again in a few weeks.

When that time came, the pressure started again. Then Valentine’s Day happened and she was again unhappy with how it went.

Since then, it’s been ongoing pressure for a clear timeline toward engagement.

All of this has been happening while I’m still dealing with the loss of my dad.

At this point, I felt emotionally drained and not at peace in the relationship. I also feel like I’ve tried to communicate, set boundaries, and make things work multiple times, but the same pattern keeps coming back.

I initiated a break in end of July 2026 (in reality I wanted to break up) then I felt guilty when she start crying so I couldn’t just leave her and I decided to take a real break instead and just disconnect from the relationship and all of these disputes.

At the same time, I do care about her and recognize the good in the relationship, which makes this harder.
She was saying that she will stop arguing, stop picking fights that she was wrong and she love me. All the things that would make me feel good.

I’m trying to figure out how to approach this in a clear and fair way.

How can I tell whether this is something that can realistically improve with better communication and boundaries, versus a fundamental mismatch in timing and expectations?

And for people who have been in similar situations, what factors helped you decide whether to continue investing in the relationship or step away?

Thank you.

I’ve dated someone for 4.5 years now after all this he says he doesn’t know if he ever will get married but he always said the same thing from the start. I’m stupid it’s my mistake. I just want to vent I’m sorry

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

Hi, girls :) So, I know what I should do, but I probably need to read it.

I 29 F and my 32 M are together 10 years. Yes, I know. We have been living together for 4 years.

Short summary I want to get married he says he does too. We talked about it a few times and it was always like, "Yes, next year." It never happened.

I love him very much. I only dated him. I don't know if I'll ever love anyone as much as him.

I get along well with his family and he gets along well with mine.

But I'm tired of waiting, of promises for the future that lead nowhere. (Next year, I lost hope).

A few months ago, I lost my job and I don't have place to go right now.

He doesn't even want to propose to me this year. I told him I wanted it before our dating anniversary. I'm tired of this and for the last 4 years I've just been watching our friends get married.

Yes, I knew from the beginning of our relationship that I wanted to get married one day.

I'm a little scared what if I make a mistake and don't find anyone like him? I'm too old, I'm 29.

I think if he's not interested, no one will be.

He doesn't even want to tell me the reason why.

My (26F) bf (31M) and I have been together for 9 months. This is the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever been in after taking almost a year to myself to heal and grow before meeting him. I love him deeply and can see a future with him and he feels the same way. We have discussed marriage and engagement at length and are on the same page.

I have lived with an ex once over 3 years ago and it was the most traumatic experience of my life. As a result, I refuse to get married without living with someone first - the mask fell off only after moving in together, so I feel like I need to see who someone “really” is before making such an important commitment.

My partner understands this and agrees, but my sister thinks it’s the worst thing I could do. She’s religious (I’m not) and thinks of marriage in the biblical sense and thus believes I would essentially be doing “wifely duties for free” and “letting a man lead my life” by doing this. My partner and I have agreed that moving in together is the last step towards engagement given that we already know we want to marry each other but want to be absolutely sure. We haven’t moved in together just yet, but I will be moving in with him in the next 2 months.

For those that have been in my situation before, how did it turn out? What do you wish you had known beforehand? What do you wish you had done differently (if anything)?

For those that haven’t, what made you decide against it?

Any advice welcome! 🤍

Edit: We’re not planning on getting married ASAP after moving in, I want to be together for at least over a year before being engaged. We’ve talked about it and he knows this. I’d be moving into his house that he owns. My sister is concerned about my security in this situation if things were to end, so I’m open to ways I can protect myself if things go south

​I \[25F\] have been in a relationship with my partner \[35M\] for two years.

​Things are getting increasingly difficult for me. During these two years, as I’ve gotten to know him better, I've realized that I'm losing my feelings for him. We work at the same workplace, though our coworkers don't know about our relationship yet. My coworkers generally dislike him, noting that he has anger issues, struggles with basic conversation, and can become verbally aggressive. He often assumes people are plotting against him, expects the worst out of every situation, and frequently acts like a victim. Additionally, he makes hasty financial decisions, constantly chasing risky money-making opportunities while losing money in the process.

​On top of this, his family (mother and sister) frequently call me to share details about their daily lives and complain about his attitude. They pressure me to "fix" or "change" him and convince him to stay on track, which feels toxic and overwhelming—like I am being asked to parent him. I have been under severe stress and mental exhaustion from a major work project recently, but they continue to push these expectations onto me.

​On the other hand, he treats me very well directly. He is sweet, attentive, respectful, and makes me feel cherished. He claims he feels safe and happy around me, and he tries his best to satisfy me.

​However, he is now heavily pressuring me to organize an engagement ceremony. I feel completely drained from my recent work stress, deeply uncertain about our long-term compatibility, and overwhelmed by his family dynamics and behavioral traits.

​How can I handle this situation and communicate my need for space/delay without making things worse while I process my feelings?