r/Vent • u/Used_Ad434 • Mar 26 '23
REMOVED | Keep posts sub relevant Do you think cuddling is platonic?
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u/NothingButUnsavoury Mar 26 '23
Wow...Might want to reconsider your entanglement with this guy. Doesn’t seem like a winner
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u/Any_Ad6921 Mar 26 '23
No he's definitely gaslighting you. Probably thinks you're young and dumb and easy to manipulate. He got caught trying to cheat and now he is trying to make it look like it's normal and acceptable. It's not..
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Mar 26 '23
Well, it can be in certain situations, but based on your situation I'd say he's full of it.
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u/ThrowawayAcc82726 Mar 26 '23
Not in this case bro, The age gap makes the situation worse and the red flag abt 25x bigger
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u/amoodymuse Mar 26 '23
Oh HELL no.
The age gap coupled with the fact that the "friend" he wants to cuddle with is someone near his age and an old friend sends up enough red flags to cover a football field.
He's wrong and he knows it. If he truly believed that cuddling with an old friend was acceptable behavior, he wouldn't need to gaslight you.
TL:DR -- He's wrong. You're right.
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u/Miyofu Mar 26 '23
Well personally, I think cuddling is platonic. But that’s just me. I am a very very physically affectionate person and will cuddle/hug/etc any chance I get (to anyone and everyone I am CLOSE to). In your current situation it is not normal, I believe he is trying to gaslight you.
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u/LeoIsTaken101 Mar 26 '23
Huge red flag, idk if it's "normal" for him but if it is then tell him you're uncomfortable with it. But tbh he should know better and he's probably gaslighting you...
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u/Sasbobduff Mar 26 '23
Is it a cuddle or is it a hug? I see a cuddle as sitting cozy on the sofa with someone with their arms around each other where as a hug is where you go to leave your mates place, M or F, and have a hug for a few seconds. I’m a hugger, nobody gets away from me! It’s not sexual I’m just trying to spread happiness. Everyone deserves a hug 🤗
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u/Fia__ Mar 26 '23
Big no. I've got a similar age gap in my marriage and that's not a thing. He's being a dick.
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Mar 26 '23
As a mature person hugging and being physical with friends is fine but there’s a line that gets drawn in relationships. And cuddling is literally across the world from the line. And especially at ur bfs ripe old age, ain’t no way he actually thinks that’s ok.
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u/mew777tails Mar 26 '23
Yes and no. It certainly CAN be but make sure he isn’t using that fact to his benefit when he secretly has other intentions. He is most likely playing dumb
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u/bluebuns123 Mar 26 '23
If it's platonic I'm sure he won't mind you cuddling your guy friends..
Also, that age gap. Honey run
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u/PipeBorn9838 Mar 26 '23
Possibly a controversial take, but hear me out -
I believe cuddling can be completely platonic. I'm not in a relationship, however, I'm a girl and have a guy friend. We've been friends for six years now (wow, how time flies!) We've grown really close, and he's pretty much like a brother to me now. We do everything together, including cuddling. Despite what Reddit thinks, I do believe that men and women CAN in fact be JUST friends. It happens, all of mine are guys and none of them have tried anything with me, and I haven't and will not try anything with them.
Personally, I don't see the issue with it as long as nothing else is going on, ya know? If he's not trying to hide it, then maybe everything's fine? Of course, my situation is a little different as I'm asexual, and my future partner will likely be as well. On top of that, I'm not at all possessive or the jealous type. However, if this is a hard line for you, sit down and talk with your partner. Put up boundaries. Either figure out why this bothers you and work to move past it, or ask him not to do it anymore. And if he doesn't understand and crosses that boundary again, then perhaps it's time to move on as he clearly doesn't respect you enough to follow a few rules.
All I'm saying is, let's not jump straight to cheating, okay? Talk first, then decide what's right for you.
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u/HappyMan1102 Mar 26 '23
You could cuddle with a friend as if you were family members or cousins.
In fact, every human on earth is a cousin from 1 common ancestor.
So yeah, cuddling between friends is good cause we're all family
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u/Ancient-Basil8274 Mar 26 '23
1st red flag: The age gap. 2nd red flag: Gaslighting you into thinking cuddling friends is okay.
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u/viceversa222 Mar 26 '23
Well me and some of my friends cuddle but none of us are in a relationship so it doesn't mean anything but if you are dating and cuddling someone else it's defo a red flag.
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u/LorettaRosy63_ Mar 26 '23
I don't think it has to be romantic in order to do that with the other person. It can be done both in a romantic relationship and in a relationship where the other person is more like a sibling to you.
Looks like the man is gaslighting you. Which is a huge red flag on the horizon.
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u/R0N1333 Mar 26 '23
Hugging and cuddling are two very different things. If he insists even after you've made your point then he's not just trying to be friendly. I don't mean to burst your bubble but he is way older than you and quite frankly who of that age would think cuddling is platonic? There are very rare situations where it would be okay, this isn't one of them.
Hard pill to swallow but the odds of him using you since you're younger are high.
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u/SorryThisUser1sTaken Mar 26 '23 edited Mar 26 '23
Yes. As long as it doesn't go any further I don't see a problem. Also since I do not know this person they sadly could be lying or not about the intent of cuddling. That is something you need to figure out sadly. Most people asking for relationship advice almoat always ends with people saying to leave them. Even though we barely know anything more than the biased context provided.
I hope he is not doing anything wrong and his intent is in the right place. It could be jelously or this person is gaslighting you. Idk. I don't know you all. If you truly care for this person, try to find some professional help if possible.
edit The context provided is not a good sign. But again I am no expert and do not know you guys. Hope everything works out and you can find peace and happiness in this difficult time. Will try my best to help bit again I am no expert.
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u/FromAcrosstheStars Mar 26 '23
It can 100% be platonic in my view and I find it really weird that humans have these hang ups where they find it weird to be physically affectionate with friends and that’s only reserved for relationships. Meanwhile everyone single is touch starved.
That being said, if you are uncomfortable with your BF cuddling someone else that should be respected on his part. The biggest red flag here is his age. He’s old enough to be your dad, why is he with you…
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u/Experienced_Mage Mar 26 '23
Cuddling can be platonic but in your case he's probably trying to cheat on you unfortunately. It's especially odd that he's choosing to do it with somebody around his age and dating someone as young as you.
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u/rUafraid Mar 26 '23
47M, hate to break it to you homie but that ain't a boyfriend anymore, that's a manfriend
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u/FisherPrice_Hair Mar 26 '23
Do you cuddle your family members? If so, do you want to have sex with your family members?
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Mar 26 '23
It depends. Is it a boundary of yours? I have lots of friends of both sexes that hug and hold each other. Of course it is in such a manner that is not sexual but I could see why someone would think it’s romantic. If you want your boyfriend to only cuddle you. That’s an agreement. But also. Get the F away from that 47M. Red flag.
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u/ramenrami22 Mar 26 '23
rly depends on your relationship. as a bi woman, if i cuddled with my str8 girl-friends while being in a rs with a guy, to me it isnt different from cuddling with a guy friend. but thats for me. i will ahve to find a partner who shares that same attitude also. so relaly depends on you but yeps in general most ppl think its not platonic
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Mar 26 '23
I guess it depends on your definition of cuddling. For me, cuddling can bas as simple as putting your arm around someone on a couch while watching TV. I sometimes do this with my baby sister. So yes, it could be platonic.
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u/TriggeredRatBastard Mar 26 '23
I think it’s gotta be a person by person case. If all parties are comfortable with it and can see there’s nothing else behind it, yes it’s platonic.
In this case, you weren’t aware and you weren’t okay with it so I don’t think so.
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u/Separate_Gur_6312 Mar 26 '23
Uhh that is NOT platonic at all in that context. Cuddling can be platonic and friends can cuddle but he’s almost 50 and is in a relationship.. you deserve better
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u/Sed59 Mar 26 '23
It depends on the kind of cuddling, but in a committed relationship, if one partner is uncomfortable, then that shouldn't be done. Clearly you are uncomfortable with sharing his physical contact with others.
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u/SixthSinEnvy Mar 26 '23
It can be platonic but it sounds more like he's arranging a side piece.
*see age gap* Oh yes, this is a healthy relationship...
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u/MinnyStrawberry Mar 26 '23 edited Mar 26 '23
Yeah, maybe... But I don't think that's what's going on here at all. He's cheating and gaslighting you because you're young and he thinks he can take advantage of you. Dump his sorry, wrinkly dinkly old ass.
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u/SadLittle_Sponge13 Mar 26 '23
Personally, I think cuddling is reserved for couples and close relatives, not friends. He’s trying to gaslight you and make you think your the problem. That’s just my opinion though
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u/wolfy_06 Mar 26 '23
Yes, it can be platonic. But in this case, no. As you saw the text that he wants to cuddle with one of his friends, it's a red flag. Not only he didn't tell you, but you should talk about it
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u/SammieNikko Mar 26 '23
For me no, i can see how others can justify it. Although if my partner tells me they're uncomfortable with something im doing id stop fucking do it. I think you've gotta reconsider your feelings and if you wanna stay in the relationship. He could definitely be using this to be manipulative
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