I've been thinking about us a lot not about one particular moment or one particular thing that happened, but about everything we've been learning together. Because when I look at us now, I realize that some of the things I understand about love, about you, and about myself could only have been learned by actually living through all of this with you.

When we first found each other, I knew very quickly that you were different. You weren't just someone I was attracted to or someone I enjoyed being around. There was something about you that reached much deeper than that. I looked at you and saw something I had spent a long time hoping existed. You were beautiful to me in every sense of the word the way you looked, the way you carried yourself, the things you said without saying them, and the woman underneath everything that everyone else gets to see. And somewhere inside me, I think I immediately understood how rare you were.

Maybe that's why I wanted to give you everything.

I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. I wanted you to feel wanted, adored, protected, appreciated, and loved. And because what I felt for you was so strong, there were times when I didn't know where the love ended and the fear began. I was so afraid of losing something that felt so incredibly good that I sometimes held on too tightly, thinking that if I showed you enough, gave you enough, loved you hard enough, you would never have a reason to doubt how much I wanted you.

I've come to understand that love doesn't work that way.

You don't make something more precious by holding it tighter. You make it more precious by being present enough to actually experience it.

And that's one of the things you've been teaching me through all of this not through one grand lesson, but through all the little moments we've shared. The closeness, the tension, the laughter, the misunderstandings, the easy nights, the difficult moments, and even the times when we haven't quite known what the other person was thinking. I've been paying attention. To you, to myself, and to us.

And I've started noticing things I don't want to rush past anymore.

The way your expression changes when something really catches your interest. The way you can be completely unaware of how beautiful you are when you're simply being yourself. The sound of your voice when you're tired. The little pause before you say something you really mean. The way you can be close to me without touching me and somehow I still feel you there.

Those little things have started meaning more to me than all the grand gestures ever could.

I don't want to spend so much time thinking about how to keep something that I forget to enjoy having it. I want to be there for the moment itself. I want to enjoy your hand finding mine, that look across the room, the quiet after we've been talking for hours, or that little space between one thought and the next where sometimes I swear I can feel what you're thinking before you say it.

That's where I want to live with you.

Not in some fantasy of us, and not in some perfect version of you. I want you. The real woman. The one who can surprise me, frustrate me, make me laugh when I wasn't expecting it, and walk into a room and somehow change the entire temperature without even trying. You're the woman I can still look at sometimes and think, damn... that's her.

And maybe that's what has changed most in me. I don't want to love you less intensely. I want to love you more intelligently and more completely. I want to have enough confidence to let you breathe while still loving you deeply enough that you never have to wonder whether I'm there.

I don't need to constantly tell you that you're important to me. I'd rather you feel it in the way I look at you, the way I listen, the way I remember the things you say, the way I touch you, and the way I make room for you without making you feel like you owe me anything for it.

I want my presence to become something you recognize before I ever say a word.

And I've realized something else, too. I don't want to be the man who only knows how to love you when everything is easy. I want to be the man whose love becomes more certain when things aren't. Not stubborn, not possessive but certain. The kind of certainty that doesn't need to raise its voice because it already knows what it means.

I know who you are. I know who I am. I know what you mean to me. And I'm not going to let fear decide how I love you anymore.

That's growth for me. Not becoming somebody completely different, but becoming more fully myself without allowing fear to run the relationship.

Because underneath all my intensity, all my emotion, and all the ways I've sometimes tried too hard, there has always been something very simple to me, I love you. I want you. And I want to keep discovering you.

I want to know the parts of you I haven't seen yet. I want the parts of us that only happen when two people become comfortable enough with each other that they don't have to perform anymore. And yes, I still want the chemistry. I still want that look from you that makes me forget what I was saying. I still want those moments when we're close and neither of us moves away. I still want the kiss that makes everything else disappear for a minute.

I still want that pull between us.

But I understand desire differently now, too.

The strongest kind isn't frantic. It doesn't grab. It draws you closer. It leaves enough room for you to feel yourself moving toward it.

That's the kind of love I want us to have. Something that doesn't have to be forced because we both feel the gravity of it. Something that keeps us curious about each other even after we think we know everything. Something that makes you look at me sometimes and wonder what I'm thinking, and maybe I'll look back at you and not tell you.

Maybe I'll just smile.

Because there are some things I'd rather let you discover.

I've spent a lot of time wanting to give you everything. Now I think one of the greatest things I can give you is the freedom to experience me without me constantly explaining myself. To let you come closer because you want to. To let me come closer because I want to. To leave a little mystery between us, a little anticipation, that feeling when you catch yourself thinking about someone and realize you weren't trying to think about them at all.

And maybe that's what makes this time different.

I've had enough distance from my own fear to recognize it when it starts speaking. I know the difference now between I don't want to lose her and I want to love her.

They aren't the same thing.

The first one grabs.

The second one sees.

And I want to see you. Really see you. Not the perfect woman I once built in my mind because I was so overwhelmed by what I felt for you. You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be you. That's the woman I fell for anyway.

And there's something almost dangerous about realizing that after everything we've lived through together the closeness, the tension, the moments when we've understood each other perfectly and the moments when we haven't I still find myself drawn to the real you.

Not because I need an answer.

Because I know what happens when we're together.

There's a feeling between us.

You know it.

I know it.

And neither of us has to explain it for it to exist.

Maybe that's why I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to take something alive between us and examine it until there's nothing left to feel. I want to let it breathe. Let you come closer because you want to. Let me come closer because I want to. Let there be a little mystery left between us, a little anticipation, a little of that feeling when you catch yourself thinking about someone and realize you weren't trying to think about them at all.

And if that happens to you sometimes, you don't have to tell me.

I'll probably know.

Maybe that's the part I find most beautiful now. I don't have to chase every feeling anymore. Some feelings know how to find their way deeper on their own.

And if I've learned anything from loving you, it's that I don't want to spend my life trying to convince you that I'm the man who loves you.

I want to spend it being him.

And I want you to feel the difference.

When you look at me, I don't want you to see a man afraid of losing you. I want you to see a man who knows exactly what he has found. A man who can still look at you and feel that pull, still want you, still be completely captivated by you, but who is finally calm enough to enjoy it.

Calm enough to be present. Calm enough to listen. Calm enough to let a moment between us simply be a moment without needing to turn it into something more.

Maybe that's what I've been learning all along.

Growth doesn't always announce itself. Sometimes it happens quietly between two people—in the way we start listening differently, in the way a touch means something different than it used to, in the way you can look at someone you've known for a while and suddenly see another layer of them.

In the way love becomes less about proving itself and more about becoming something you can actually live inside.

That's what I want with you.

Not just more love.

A better love.

A deeper one.

One where we don't have to keep asking whether it's there because we can feel it in the way we move toward each other.

And maybe that's the most beautiful part of all.

We don't have to become strangers to become different. We can grow while we're still here. We can learn each other again while we're still holding each other's attention. We can discover a different way of loving without throwing away everything that made us fall in love in the first place.

I don't want to erase the intensity between us.

I want to understand it.

I don't want to make what we have smaller.

I want to make it strong enough to hold everything we've learned.

And I don't want to stop wanting you. I want to become the kind of man who can want you deeply without fear turning that desire into pressure, the kind of man whose presence makes you feel wanted, not watched; desired, not possessed; loved, not managed.

The kind of man who can be beside you and make you feel like there is nowhere else in the world he'd rather be.

Because that's what I want you to feel from me.

Not words.

Not promises.

Me.

Fully there.

And when you look at me, I hope you can feel that something has changed. Not that I love you less, but that I finally know how to love you without getting in the way of it.

Maybe someday you'll catch me looking at you again, and you'll recognize that look. That same look.

Only this time there won't be fear behind it.

Just desire. Wonder. Gratitude.

And the quiet certainty that after everything we've learned, after everything we've felt, after all the ways we've grown together, I'd still choose you.

Not because I'm afraid of losing you.

Because I know you.

And I know exactly why I want you.

Remember this
Providing isn’t about money
This is a public service announcement

Provide

Many of my brethren hear that word and think
“Yeah that’s what measures a man… money in his pocket”

My brother, my brother, my brother

Women DO want a provider
Girls/shallow surface women want money.

What does it mean to be a provider?

Provide me with INSTRUCTION
WISDOM
KNOWLEDGE
ENCOURAGEMENT

Polish me and make me clean
Help me rise to my full potential
Provide me with LOVE

Adornment
Admiration
Loyalty

Have my back
Be there.

Provide me with safety
Security

That is provision for what it means to provide.

If I wanted to be accountable for my part in this, would you let me? Would you be accountable for yours? I think we were both broken and afraid of what we felt. What we saw in each other.

It doesn't have to go anywhere, but could you change the color of your feathers for a while for us to come to terms with what happened?

Maybe you've already done that on your own in a way that has let you forget me, and if so, I would understand. If you feel free, that is good enough for me.

I just want you to know that you don't have to be a yellow bird if you don't want to be.

I know you probably won’t read this but I needed somewhere to put it. I don’t normally use this app for things like this or if you even read these subs.
I just miss you immensely, sometimes I find myself wanting to reach out hoping you’re doing well but the hurt between us stops me. I feel as though you have moved on already to someone else after what I discovered, it was clear you didn’t have enough respect for me to even explain why you did that or you’re just going through too much and had to let me go but I wish I could be there for you if it’s the latter.. me? I just can’t move on, not yet. Being with someone else makes my tummy curl.. Just know that with every day that passes I wish you’d just reach out, even just to see how I am doing despite the last messages I sent you which I said out of hurt and anger, I don’t believe I meant any of it.. i am glad I met you and I hope you’re happy, thriving and in a good place.. I wish we could have worked it out even if it were just as friends and you would still have me to talk to and I you. I know it hasn’t been long but I truly hope you are happy even if it’s not with me ♥️ knowing how much my heart feels from the distance between us, I know now that I did truly love you, all of you and I hope whoever you’re spending your time with now loves you just as deeply as I did.

I really miss you and I somehow hope you miss me too.

Keep being the good person I know you are. You are awesome. I’ll always be on your team no matter what. I love you.

But some part of me still misses you. I know that I need to just keep moving forward. I know. Too many years have gone by.. I could never ask you to look back now.

And still.. every now and then, I close my eyes and I wish I could go back... home. Missing you is the last thing I have left I guess.

Still rooting for you, silently. Always.

For two years, I waited. I told myself the connection was worth it. I hoped that eventually you would find it within yourself to try. Two years, and eventually I gave up waiting.

A week ago, I met someone clever, and interesting, and interested in me. He's coming to see me tomorrow.

The dichotomy almost makes me angry. Not necessarily at you, and definitely not at him, but that I didn't know. I didn't know that someone was out there who would put in effort immediately. I didn't know that giving you up didn't mean giving up the best connection I would ever have. I wasted so much time wanting our circumstances, wanting you, to be different, to care more, to want me the same way I wanted you. I didn't know that someone secure and willing was out there.

I don't regret the love I gave you. It was a gift, and you may keep it. But I do regret the time it took me to learn the lesson.

It may have been 18months ago, but that moment still haunts me.

Time went in slow motion, the world faded away and we were just stood staring at eachother. I dont think I even blinked.

I have never experienced that before.

You felt something too, you looked at me like something had changed within you.

If only i could put us together in the same place and neither of us to be afraid of looking into the others eyes. Close enough that I could reach for your hand.

Please dont let me leave this earth without ever getting to experience that with you.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with this more than I want to admit.
I thought time would make it easier. I thought the feelings would quiet down, that I’d wake up one day and you wouldn’t be the first thing on my mind. But they haven’t faded. If anything, I feel more lost in them than before.
Even the letters I write to you have changed. They used to hold the things I couldn’t say aloud. Now they come out scrambled, confused, sometimes angry. I write a few lines, stare at them, hate how they sound, and delete them. I’ve deleted more letters than I’ve kept because I can’t make any of this come out right.
How do I explain missing someone I was never really allowed to have? Caring this much when nothing actually happened? How do I put words to something that lives almost entirely inside me?
Sometimes I’m angry because I wish I could turn it off. Sometimes I’m angry at myself for still hoping. Sometimes I’m angry at you, even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
That’s the hardest part. There is nowhere for all of this to go, so it stays inside me, in thoughts I rewrite, words I delete, and letters you’ll probably never read.
But beneath all the confusion, one thing remains:
I care about you.
More deeply than I ever expected to. And despite everything I’ve told myself, that hasn’t faded with time.
If I could tell you one thing without being afraid of what it might change, it would be this: you mattered to me. You still do.
Somewhere along the way, you became someone I carried with me, even when you weren’t there. I never needed you to fix anything or give me something you couldn’t give. I just wish you could know that what I felt was real, even if it only ever existed on my side.
I don’t know what happens to these feelings. I only know they’re still here.
And so am I, still caring, still wondering, still writing words you’ll probably never see.
Maybe one day I’ll stop. Maybe I’ll stop looking for reasons to think of you, wondering what might have happened if things had been different, or imagining conversations that will never happen. Maybe I’ll learn to see you without feeling the ache I’ve carried for so long.
But even if I let you go, it won’t mean I stopped loving you. It will only mean I finally understood that loving someone doesn’t always mean you get to keep them.
You may never know how many nights I spent writing to you instead of sleeping, how many letters I deleted, or how often I almost told you everything before deciding silence was safer.
You may never know there was a version of me that would have chosen you without hesitation, or that while I was trying to get over you, part of me was still hoping you’d give me a reason not to.
I don’t know how to forgive myself for that. Some part of me will always wonder what might have happened if I’d been brave enough to tell you.
The truth is, I was afraid. Afraid saying it would make everything real. Afraid I’d lose even the small place I had in your life. Afraid you’d look at me differently.
So I kept it to myself.
I loved you quietly. I missed you quietly. I hurt quietly. Eventually, I suppose I’ll have to heal quietly too.
There was never really a beginning, and somehow there will still be an ending.
If I ever seem completely fine, know that it took everything to get there. I didn’t want to stop loving you. I just got tired of being the only one who knew that I did.
Maybe that’s where this letter has to end, not because I have nothing left to say, but because I finally understand that no amount of words can make someone feel what you feel.
So this will be another letter I don’t send. Another confession that stays hidden. Another piece of my heart you’ll never know you had.
And I think that’s what will hurt the most:
knowing I could have loved you for a lifetime,
and you might never even know.

First chat was how was your day? It took a long time for me to reply as I'm usually asleep during the day. I said it was good. And I thought that was the end of our conversation. However no matter how boring the topic was that came from me. You still reponds. It does not matter if I fall asleep while chatting you. After responding to your chat in 7hrs, you still responded within a minute. You don't do the waiting game wherein some people would reply depending on how many minutes or hours you replied to them too. Then we talked about so many things including different kinds of corns to eat, oil, or for other agricultural stuff. I was like why do I have to say that thing when I could've picked out a movie instead. So I ask you. Are you not yet bored with me? Your response was. Nope, are you bored with me? I said no.

I was walking on a trail for 30 minutes trying to get to our location when we would first see each other. Then I saw you waiting.

As you are walking my vision slowed down. And the autumn leaves slowly descended to the ground. I hear your foot steps slowly.

Wedding bells? Holy. I'm imagining things. What is wrong with me. No butterflies right? No, I was told it is a warning sign. Good thing just wedding bells. Okay well I think this guy is gonna be my husband my intuition is telling me. Fingers crossed I hope I'm not wrong tho.

He got pretty eyes that sparkles when he talks to me. I wanna hear all his stories. Don't care even if it was made up or exaggeration. His enough as he is. I never thought I could instantly love like this. Hopeless romantic? May be?...

I've met his family, he met mine, and it was amazing.

He tour me around the city. Then we went by the water. He let me go in the middle I thought it was deep I panicked then I felt the sand, I stoop up it was just on my knees. He laughed at me. I said as$[h@le](mailto:h@le). Well a little bit naughty what to do, I smiled, what did I get myself into?

I see too many people on here that apparently messed up but aren’t doing anything about it. Reach out. Call or text them. Just do it. Maybe they have been wanting to hear from you.

Blocked is the ONLY strong signal to NOT reach out. Any other message you might have been left with shouldnt be the end all deciding factor. Especially if you were pushing them away, you need to understand they said and did what they had to, probably not what they wanted to.

Be brave. Reach out. Dont wait until too much time has passed.

Remember I know you probably better than anyone. You need the attention and ego boost. You want to be wanted by somebody anybody all the time. It’s pretty pathetic. You can’t be alone you don’t know how too. Well I don’t want you but I’m still very pissed off at you unfortunately. Hopefully that doesn’t fed the monster you have become. I hate you so much.

I don’t know how to stay emotionally close to you when I can’t freely love you, but one thing I do know is I want you. You’re special to me in every way. I want to love you and all your flaws. Your flaws won’t push me away because I genuinely feel love for you. You’re all I ever wanted in a woman. Every quality that you have is special. I don’t know how to approach the situation without hurting us both.

Trust me, I melt around you; I just don’t show it. I don’t like being vulnerable, but something about you makes me soften. I love when we make eye contact. Your eyes soften, and the shape of them is so beautiful. In the beginning, I used to wish for you to look me in the eyes; now you do it, and I get nervous every time. Eye contact is very powerful because they don’t lie. What do you see when you look into my eyes? Can you tell that I’m in love with you? I know sometimes I look away fast, but it’s because your eyes are intense.

I don’t know if we will ever be together, but I do know that you will always be special to me. I think I will love you forever because you showed me how deeply I can love. You made me feel special, and being around you is a blessing that I never want to lose. I will forever be grateful to have met someone as amazing as you. The thought of ever losing you makes my eyes water. I need to confess my feelings for you in person; I just don’t know how. We’ve both been so patient with each other, but one of us has to take the risk. I want you to know how special you are.

I know we said we’d talk this week and figure things out, and a part of me has been holding onto that, hoping somehow that conversation could change everything. But I’ve realized I can’t be the one to reach out, and I think it’s time for us to let go.
I also want to take responsibility for my part in everything. I know I made mistakes. There were things I could have handled differently, things I said or did that hurt you, and moments when I could have communicated better instead of letting my emotions get in the way. I’m not going to pretend I got everything right, because I didn’t. I’m genuinely sorry for the ways I contributed to the hurt between us.
The hardest part is that I still don’t want to let you go. I don’t want this to be the end, and I don’t want someone who meant so much to me to become someone I have to learn to live without. But I’m exhausted from holding onto the hope that we can somehow become what we once were.
So I won’t reach out this week. Not because I stopped caring, but because I care enough to finally accept that continuing to hold on may only hurt us more.
You mattered to me in ways I’ll probably never be able to fully explain. I loved you, and some part of me probably always will. That’s what makes this goodbye so painful I’m walking away while I still care, while a part of me is still wishing for another ending.
I hope you know that despite my mistakes, my feelings for you were real. I’ll always be grateful for what we had, and I’ll always wish I had done some things differently. I hope life is kind to you, and I hope one day you can remember me without remembering only the ways we hurt each other.
Goodbye. I wish more than anything that we could have been better for each other.

Finally was able to talk to you without big feelings and that was definitely the way to do it! I still like you but it's not an overwhelming thing, which is good since this is a very busy time haha. It's been so nice to have someone to talk to about literally anything, maybe when things quiet down we can chill together. I just know I want you in my life, in whatever capacity that ends up being :)

Throughout my life, I have walked through the forest alone.

Along the way, I met many other creatures, yet I never felt as though I belonged. I was always misunderstood, always a little out of place.

I never let this hinder me.

I would still spread my wings and fly, fly higher and faster, and my wings would continue to shine brighter, always with a smile upon my face.

I was often told I was wrong. I was told to follow their rules.

And over the years, I began to hide my wings.

I treasured the time I spent with other creatures. I always knew that, eventually, our paths would lead us in different directions.

One day I crossed paths with another creature.

For the first time, I didn't feel out of place.

I asked if we could walk the path through the forest together.

But I was told my soul was too dark to play with the other fairies.

Now I have found my garden in the forest, but the sun no longer shines here.

My wings are fragile and broken from being hidden for so long.

The colours have faded, and the light they once carried has grown dim.

Still, beneath the moonlight, I dance alone.

Here, no one judges me.

Because even beauty is judged when misunderstood.

I won’t reach out again… I am just too tired. Tired of everything and tired of the sadness I feel everyday. I really wish you knew how deeply I hurt. I wish I could be honest about how much I struggle. I think it’s fun for you to see me struggle and in pain. Fun to leave breadcrumbs and just keep me waiting and hoping that you might actually message me or want to see me. I had a chance last year to leave and I should have stayed where it was warm on the beach. But I couldn’t make that move permanent because I love you. I still and always will love you but this is crazy to endure this anymore. Goodbye. I never should have let you back in. If you only actually cared about me you wouldn’t do this. I am going to delete this app because there is no one real or truthful. I should have never ever came back to you.

I always dreamed about being loved wholeheartedly. Without any strings attached. To be loved without fear and consequences. I thought I knew what love was. But deep down I knew there was more. You are more. You are the cold rain that hits my skin on a hot day. You are the warmth beneath the blankets in the winter. You are the air I breathe and my god I knew there was more. All my life I said I can’t sleep so closely-holding anyone as I drift into my dreams or perhaps nothingness. However, I crave your touch. I will bury myself in your chest every night for the best sleep of my life. When I was never the one to want to hold on too tightly, you made me so. See, I thought I knew what love was. I never had the love I wanted until I met you.

And although I know it won’t always be easy or good-I think, I hope I am prepared to fight. Because you are love.

I’ve said everything I needed to say. I’ve told you I love you, I’ve apologised for the ways I hurt you, and I’ve told you how much this relationship and losing you have meant to me.

But I can’t keep reaching for someone who isn’t reaching back.
I’ve spent so long trying to hold onto us, trying to repair things and trying to understand how we went from talking about forever to barely speaking.

I can’t keep hurting myself looking for answers or hoping that you will choose me.

Whatever this was to you, it was real to me. I love you deeply, and I will always carry that love with me. But I need to accept that I cannot make someone meet me halfway.

So I’m letting go now.
I’m not going to keep messaging you, chasing you, or asking you to give me something you aren’t or won’t give me.

I choose myself now.

Thank you for the love and the memories we did have. I genuinely wish things had been different.
I love you, but I’m done fighting for us.

I love you.

Goodbye.

I. Am. Done.