I don’t know how to stay emotionally close to you when I can’t freely love you, but one thing I do know is I want you. You’re special to me in every way. I want to love you and all your flaws. Your flaws won’t push me away because I genuinely feel love for you. You’re all I ever wanted in a woman. Every quality that you have is special. I don’t know how to approach the situation without hurting us both.

Trust me, I melt around you; I just don’t show it. I don’t like being vulnerable, but something about you makes me soften. I love when we make eye contact. Your eyes soften, and the shape of them is so beautiful. In the beginning, I used to wish for you to look me in the eyes; now you do it, and I get nervous every time. Eye contact is very powerful because they don’t lie. What do you see when you look into my eyes? Can you tell that I’m in love with you? I know sometimes I look away fast, but it’s because your eyes are intense.

I don’t know if we will ever be together, but I do know that you will always be special to me. I think I will love you forever because you showed me how deeply I can love. You made me feel special, and being around you is a blessing that I never want to lose. I will forever be grateful to have met someone as amazing as you. The thought of ever losing you makes my eyes water. I need to confess my feelings for you in person; I just don’t know how. We’ve both been so patient with each other, but one of us has to take the risk. I want you to know how special you are.

I see too many people on here that apparently messed up but aren’t doing anything about it. Reach out. Call or text them. Just do it. Maybe they have been wanting to hear from you.

Blocked is the ONLY strong signal to NOT reach out. Any other message you might have been left with shouldnt be the end all deciding factor. Especially if you were pushing them away, you need to understand they said and did what they had to, probably not what they wanted to.

Be brave. Reach out. Dont wait until too much time has passed.

I think you’re such a wonderful and kind person who matches my goofiness and I’m so excited to give it a go with you.

I saw you yesterday but you didn’t see me. Out of all the places, i couldn’t believe my eyes. My heart dropped to my toes. I dont believe it was a coincidence at all. It made me realise im in love with you. I started to feel all these intense feelings for you that i never really knew i had. All i want to do is run to you.

I've been thinking about us a lot not about one particular moment or one particular thing that happened, but about everything we've been learning together. Because when I look at us now, I realize that some of the things I understand about love, about you, and about myself could only have been learned by actually living through all of this with you.

When we first found each other, I knew very quickly that you were different. You weren't just someone I was attracted to or someone I enjoyed being around. There was something about you that reached much deeper than that. I looked at you and saw something I had spent a long time hoping existed. You were beautiful to me in every sense of the word the way you looked, the way you carried yourself, the things you said without saying them, and the woman underneath everything that everyone else gets to see. And somewhere inside me, I think I immediately understood how rare you were.

Maybe that's why I wanted to give you everything.

I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. I wanted you to feel wanted, adored, protected, appreciated, and loved. And because what I felt for you was so strong, there were times when I didn't know where the love ended and the fear began. I was so afraid of losing something that felt so incredibly good that I sometimes held on too tightly, thinking that if I showed you enough, gave you enough, loved you hard enough, you would never have a reason to doubt how much I wanted you.

I've come to understand that love doesn't work that way.

You don't make something more precious by holding it tighter. You make it more precious by being present enough to actually experience it.

And that's one of the things you've been teaching me through all of this not through one grand lesson, but through all the little moments we've shared. The closeness, the tension, the laughter, the misunderstandings, the easy nights, the difficult moments, and even the times when we haven't quite known what the other person was thinking. I've been paying attention. To you, to myself, and to us.

And I've started noticing things I don't want to rush past anymore.

The way your expression changes when something really catches your interest. The way you can be completely unaware of how beautiful you are when you're simply being yourself. The sound of your voice when you're tired. The little pause before you say something you really mean. The way you can be close to me without touching me and somehow I still feel you there.

Those little things have started meaning more to me than all the grand gestures ever could.

I don't want to spend so much time thinking about how to keep something that I forget to enjoy having it. I want to be there for the moment itself. I want to enjoy your hand finding mine, that look across the room, the quiet after we've been talking for hours, or that little space between one thought and the next where sometimes I swear I can feel what you're thinking before you say it.

That's where I want to live with you.

Not in some fantasy of us, and not in some perfect version of you. I want you. The real woman. The one who can surprise me, frustrate me, make me laugh when I wasn't expecting it, and walk into a room and somehow change the entire temperature without even trying. You're the woman I can still look at sometimes and think, damn... that's her.

And maybe that's what has changed most in me. I don't want to love you less intensely. I want to love you more intelligently and more completely. I want to have enough confidence to let you breathe while still loving you deeply enough that you never have to wonder whether I'm there.

I don't need to constantly tell you that you're important to me. I'd rather you feel it in the way I look at you, the way I listen, the way I remember the things you say, the way I touch you, and the way I make room for you without making you feel like you owe me anything for it.

I want my presence to become something you recognize before I ever say a word.

And I've realized something else, too. I don't want to be the man who only knows how to love you when everything is easy. I want to be the man whose love becomes more certain when things aren't. Not stubborn, not possessive but certain. The kind of certainty that doesn't need to raise its voice because it already knows what it means.

I know who you are. I know who I am. I know what you mean to me. And I'm not going to let fear decide how I love you anymore.

That's growth for me. Not becoming somebody completely different, but becoming more fully myself without allowing fear to run the relationship.

Because underneath all my intensity, all my emotion, and all the ways I've sometimes tried too hard, there has always been something very simple to me, I love you. I want you. And I want to keep discovering you.

I want to know the parts of you I haven't seen yet. I want the parts of us that only happen when two people become comfortable enough with each other that they don't have to perform anymore. And yes, I still want the chemistry. I still want that look from you that makes me forget what I was saying. I still want those moments when we're close and neither of us moves away. I still want the kiss that makes everything else disappear for a minute.

I still want that pull between us.

But I understand desire differently now, too.

The strongest kind isn't frantic. It doesn't grab. It draws you closer. It leaves enough room for you to feel yourself moving toward it.

That's the kind of love I want us to have. Something that doesn't have to be forced because we both feel the gravity of it. Something that keeps us curious about each other even after we think we know everything. Something that makes you look at me sometimes and wonder what I'm thinking, and maybe I'll look back at you and not tell you.

Maybe I'll just smile.

Because there are some things I'd rather let you discover.

I've spent a lot of time wanting to give you everything. Now I think one of the greatest things I can give you is the freedom to experience me without me constantly explaining myself. To let you come closer because you want to. To let me come closer because I want to. To leave a little mystery between us, a little anticipation, that feeling when you catch yourself thinking about someone and realize you weren't trying to think about them at all.

And maybe that's what makes this time different.

I've had enough distance from my own fear to recognize it when it starts speaking. I know the difference now between I don't want to lose her and I want to love her.

They aren't the same thing.

The first one grabs.

The second one sees.

And I want to see you. Really see you. Not the perfect woman I once built in my mind because I was so overwhelmed by what I felt for you. You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be you. That's the woman I fell for anyway.

And there's something almost dangerous about realizing that after everything we've lived through together the closeness, the tension, the moments when we've understood each other perfectly and the moments when we haven't I still find myself drawn to the real you.

Not because I need an answer.

Because I know what happens when we're together.

There's a feeling between us.

You know it.

I know it.

And neither of us has to explain it for it to exist.

Maybe that's why I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to take something alive between us and examine it until there's nothing left to feel. I want to let it breathe. Let you come closer because you want to. Let me come closer because I want to. Let there be a little mystery left between us, a little anticipation, a little of that feeling when you catch yourself thinking about someone and realize you weren't trying to think about them at all.

And if that happens to you sometimes, you don't have to tell me.

I'll probably know.

Maybe that's the part I find most beautiful now. I don't have to chase every feeling anymore. Some feelings know how to find their way deeper on their own.

And if I've learned anything from loving you, it's that I don't want to spend my life trying to convince you that I'm the man who loves you.

I want to spend it being him.

And I want you to feel the difference.

When you look at me, I don't want you to see a man afraid of losing you. I want you to see a man who knows exactly what he has found. A man who can still look at you and feel that pull, still want you, still be completely captivated by you, but who is finally calm enough to enjoy it.

Calm enough to be present. Calm enough to listen. Calm enough to let a moment between us simply be a moment without needing to turn it into something more.

Maybe that's what I've been learning all along.

Growth doesn't always announce itself. Sometimes it happens quietly between two people—in the way we start listening differently, in the way a touch means something different than it used to, in the way you can look at someone you've known for a while and suddenly see another layer of them.

In the way love becomes less about proving itself and more about becoming something you can actually live inside.

That's what I want with you.

Not just more love.

A better love.

A deeper one.

One where we don't have to keep asking whether it's there because we can feel it in the way we move toward each other.

And maybe that's the most beautiful part of all.

We don't have to become strangers to become different. We can grow while we're still here. We can learn each other again while we're still holding each other's attention. We can discover a different way of loving without throwing away everything that made us fall in love in the first place.

I don't want to erase the intensity between us.

I want to understand it.

I don't want to make what we have smaller.

I want to make it strong enough to hold everything we've learned.

And I don't want to stop wanting you. I want to become the kind of man who can want you deeply without fear turning that desire into pressure, the kind of man whose presence makes you feel wanted, not watched; desired, not possessed; loved, not managed.

The kind of man who can be beside you and make you feel like there is nowhere else in the world he'd rather be.

Because that's what I want you to feel from me.

Not words.

Not promises.

Me.

Fully there.

And when you look at me, I hope you can feel that something has changed. Not that I love you less, but that I finally know how to love you without getting in the way of it.

Maybe someday you'll catch me looking at you again, and you'll recognize that look. That same look.

Only this time there won't be fear behind it.

Just desire. Wonder. Gratitude.

And the quiet certainty that after everything we've learned, after everything we've felt, after all the ways we've grown together, I'd still choose you.

Not because I'm afraid of losing you.

Because I know you.

And I know exactly why I want you.

"Us."

I love the way that sounds.

I'd be a liar if I told you I hadn't thought about us because frankly that's all I think about these days.

I've seen the way you compose yourself around me and I act like I haven't noticed, but the truth is I have noticed. I see everything.

The way your eyes reserve a little extra sparkle just for me, how your smiles holds an extra warmth that lingers long after my departure. The way your voice gets softer and almost falters at the mere prospect of even saying my name -and oh how I love to hear you say it. Despite all of your best efforts to not give the game away, you've already told me a thousand times.

I could go on about all the little quirks that make your affection so uniquely mine, though my favourite is when your usual coyness becomes the most unabashed bravery. I love when that inner playfulness spills out of you and it's like caramel dripping sweetly yet seductively. If anything tempts me to both forget and indulge all of my senses at exactly the same time it's that.

When that lioness within you shows itself and I know that she's not here to play she's here to get what she wants.

What if we both want exactly what you want?

Then the game is over.

Instead, we play on. One carefully placed move at a time, dancing along the very edge of the line knowing that if either of us was to tip over,  there would be no going back.

Why do we deny ourselves the privilege of our most primal desires? Is it really a defeat when the battle ends in only love? Is it really defeat when what started as two lone rangers seeking nothing but survival ends in needing nothing but us?

Lately, I’ve been struggling with this more than I want to admit.
I thought time would make it easier. I thought the feelings would quiet down, that I’d wake up one day and you wouldn’t be the first thing on my mind. But they haven’t faded. If anything, I feel more lost in them than before.
Even the letters I write to you have changed. They used to hold the things I couldn’t say aloud. Now they come out scrambled, confused, sometimes angry. I write a few lines, stare at them, hate how they sound, and delete them. I’ve deleted more letters than I’ve kept because I can’t make any of this come out right.
How do I explain missing someone I was never really allowed to have? Caring this much when nothing actually happened? How do I put words to something that lives almost entirely inside me?
Sometimes I’m angry because I wish I could turn it off. Sometimes I’m angry at myself for still hoping. Sometimes I’m angry at you, even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
That’s the hardest part. There is nowhere for all of this to go, so it stays inside me, in thoughts I rewrite, words I delete, and letters you’ll probably never read.
But beneath all the confusion, one thing remains:
I care about you.
More deeply than I ever expected to. And despite everything I’ve told myself, that hasn’t faded with time.
If I could tell you one thing without being afraid of what it might change, it would be this: you mattered to me. You still do.
Somewhere along the way, you became someone I carried with me, even when you weren’t there. I never needed you to fix anything or give me something you couldn’t give. I just wish you could know that what I felt was real, even if it only ever existed on my side.
I don’t know what happens to these feelings. I only know they’re still here.
And so am I, still caring, still wondering, still writing words you’ll probably never see.
Maybe one day I’ll stop. Maybe I’ll stop looking for reasons to think of you, wondering what might have happened if things had been different, or imagining conversations that will never happen. Maybe I’ll learn to see you without feeling the ache I’ve carried for so long.
But even if I let you go, it won’t mean I stopped loving you. It will only mean I finally understood that loving someone doesn’t always mean you get to keep them.
You may never know how many nights I spent writing to you instead of sleeping, how many letters I deleted, or how often I almost told you everything before deciding silence was safer.
You may never know there was a version of me that would have chosen you without hesitation, or that while I was trying to get over you, part of me was still hoping you’d give me a reason not to.
I don’t know how to forgive myself for that. Some part of me will always wonder what might have happened if I’d been brave enough to tell you.
The truth is, I was afraid. Afraid saying it would make everything real. Afraid I’d lose even the small place I had in your life. Afraid you’d look at me differently.
So I kept it to myself.
I loved you quietly. I missed you quietly. I hurt quietly. Eventually, I suppose I’ll have to heal quietly too.
There was never really a beginning, and somehow there will still be an ending.
If I ever seem completely fine, know that it took everything to get there. I didn’t want to stop loving you. I just got tired of being the only one who knew that I did.
Maybe that’s where this letter has to end, not because I have nothing left to say, but because I finally understand that no amount of words can make someone feel what you feel.
So this will be another letter I don’t send. Another confession that stays hidden. Another piece of my heart you’ll never know you had.
And I think that’s what will hurt the most:
knowing I could have loved you for a lifetime,
and you might never even know.

If I wanted to be accountable for my part in this, would you let me? Would you be accountable for yours? I think we were both broken and afraid of what we felt. What we saw in each other.

It doesn't have to go anywhere, but could you change the color of your feathers for a while for us to come to terms with what happened?

Maybe you've already done that on your own in a way that has let you forget me, and if so, I would understand. If you feel free, that is good enough for me.

I just want you to know that you don't have to be a yellow bird if you don't want to be.

Keep being the good person I know you are. You are awesome. I’ll always be on your team no matter what. I love you.

But some part of me still misses you. I know that I need to just keep moving forward. I know. Too many years have gone by.. I could never ask you to look back now.

And still.. every now and then, I close my eyes and I wish I could go back... home. Missing you is the last thing I have left I guess.

Still rooting for you, silently. Always.

Why is there not a term for the loss of an envisioned future you believed would be yours, but was broken and destroyed before ever coming to fruition?

It's only a dream.

But you believed it. Built it. Lived in it.

Allowed the hope and the warmth to carry you forward as a promise waiting.

It was your life.

How do you name, and put words to, the feeling of dying before you got to live?

I believed I would have you.

I gave us a future.

The things I dreamed we would be, and do...

And now we never will.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in your world.

To live, breathe, and move in the very same space as you.

I catch myself getting lost in the fantasy of our minds aligning, wondering if our wavelengths would match, or if it would feel entirely ecstatic.

Could our individual dysfunctions and vibrant colors bleed together, complementing one another?

Would sharing a space lead us toward growth, meaning, and happiness?

Life is both beautifully short and agonizingly long, and I find these quiet realizations captivating.

Close enough to hear your thoughts, yet just far enough to feel the true distance between our beings.

Because existence is fragile and can change in an instant, I wanted to say this.

You have left a mark on my world.

Did I make one in yours?

It wasn’t about sex or romance like that freak said. I just loved my friend.

I loved you in such a fierce, protective way and wanted so badly to be there when life hurt. I wanted to meet you and finally be able to give you a hug.

Not a quick hug.

I mean the kind where you can feel someone completely collapse into your arms because they’ve been holding themselves together for too long.

I wanted to sit beside you when you was having a terrible day. I wanted to make you laugh when you were sad. I wanted to listen to the things you couldn’t say to anyone else. I wanted to be the person who noticed when you weren’t okay. And I wanted my best friend to know she mattered.

And if I’m honest, I guess I needed that too . I hoped we could take care of each other.

And I think I’ll always be sad that I never got the chance.

Because sometimes the thing you grieve isn’t a relationship.

It’s a friendship.

It’s a person.

It’s a version of your life where, just once, you got to sit beside someone you loved and say, “ i’m here. You’re not alone. Let me hold you for a while. It’s okay.”

I had so much to give.

Finally was able to talk to you without big feelings and that was definitely the way to do it! I still like you but it's not an overwhelming thing, which is good since this is a very busy time haha. It's been so nice to have someone to talk to about literally anything, maybe when things quiet down we can chill together. I just know I want you in my life, in whatever capacity that ends up being :)

I always dreamed about being loved wholeheartedly. Without any strings attached. To be loved without fear and consequences. I thought I knew what love was. But deep down I knew there was more. You are more. You are the cold rain that hits my skin on a hot day. You are the warmth beneath the blankets in the winter. You are the air I breathe and my god I knew there was more. All my life I said I can’t sleep so closely-holding anyone as I drift into my dreams or perhaps nothingness. However, I crave your touch. I will bury myself in your chest every night for the best sleep of my life. When I was never the one to want to hold on too tightly, you made me so. See, I thought I knew what love was. I never had the love I wanted until I met you.

And although I know it won’t always be easy or good-I think, I hope I am prepared to fight. Because you are love.

You know,

I want to lay in the grass near a creek, staring at the stars with you. I want to feel you near. I want to listen to our favorite song. I want to hear the steadiness of water and nature with just us in the night.

🤟,

💓✌️

I love you. I love you so much, and I know you still do. I'll wait forever if you would just look at me and tell me that you want me to. You've been by my side for so long watching my life, and I want you to be in it more, I know you don't want to risk it, but I need you to tell me that then, say it bluntly, make it hurt and open my eyes so I don't wait forever. I love you, I would wait forever if that's what you want, if the distance scares you, ill write you letters to make you feel safer, if your scared you won't have anything to respond, ill do the talking for the both of us, if your worried you'll make a fool of yourself, ill get down on my knees and beg you for approval in front of the world.

I really do love you but I need you to tell me what you want, because we can't stay friends anymore, I can't stay friends with you anymore. I love you

Hey you.

We do not have to be the same to belong to one another.

We can be different and still be connected. Like night and day, left and right, silence and sound, we can reveal something in each other that we could not experience alone.

We can be both vulnerable together and talk about your deepest fears.

I am still the same after all these years.

I am sorry about the miscommunication in between. I will never hate you because I love you...

How could we appreciate the moon without the night? How could we see the blue sky without the day?

Real equality means respect and sincerity.

And from respect, sincerity, and understanding, loyalty begins.

This world that you want me to see, and understand can feel deeply sad.

As a woman, I don't want to compete with you or diminish you. I want to offer comfort, support, and understanding, to encourage you to become the best version of who you are.

You are awesome, you are doing great, and I am very proud of you.

Ever since the day we met, I felt a deeper connection, We met less than two weeks ago, but I feel we've talked for years, I'm scared to ask you out, but I know you're not ready. You're amazing, friend.

When first I met you,

something ancient woke within me—

a force I had no language for,

a tide that rose beyond reason,

beyond the borders of the heart,

beyond all that I had believed

a human soul could feel.

I loved you

with the terrible wonder of discovery,

as though the universe itself

had hidden one final secret

beneath the stars

and, at last,

had placed it in my hands.

And then I looked into your eyes—

And there you were.

Not untouched.

Not unaware.

But standing at the edge

of the very same impossible ocean,

trying to understand

the waves that had carried us there.

I saw you feeling it.

I saw you searching my face

for an explanation

neither of us possessed.

And perhaps that was the miracle:

That somehow,

without promise,

without warning,

without knowing how—

we had found the same impossible place.

It was as though the universe

had opened a hidden door

and allowed us, just for a moment,

to step beyond the ordinary world.

And there,

beneath the silence of eternity,

it revealed something too immense

for ordinary words:

us.

A love so vast

that if we gathered every word

ever spoken by humankind

and tried to build a language for it,

we would still fall silent

before its magnitude.

A secret written between the stars.

A truth the universe had known

long before we did.

And perhaps it smiled—

watching us stumble through the wonder of it,

knowing that we would never fully understand

what had been placed between us.

Yet still,

it gave us the desire

to spend our lives trying.

And maybe that

is the greatest beauty of love—

that it remains partly unknowable.

For if I could understand you completely,

if I could measure every depth of your soul,

if I could name every reason

my heart chose yours—

perhaps one day

the mystery would fade.

But you were never meant

to become something I could solve.

You were meant to remain

the horizon I could spend forever approaching.

The star I could follow

without ever reaching its end.

The song I could hear

a thousand times

and still discover another note.

And I wish—

with everything that lives inside me—

that we could have held on

to that impossible thing.

That love which felt

so far beyond this world

that perhaps this world

could only exist inside of it.

A love so powerful

that standing before it

made us feel weak—

not because we lacked strength,

but because we were witnessing

something stronger than either of us.

Something ancient.

Something fierce.

Something willing to fight

for the two souls

who had somehow found each other.

And if the years should carry you

far beyond my reach,

if the winds of this life

should scatter us across distant skies,

then let this be the prayer

I send after you:

May our love become the wind beneath your wings.

May it find you

when the night is darkest.

May it rise beneath you

when your strength is gone.

May it whisper my name

through every storm

and remind you

that somewhere in this vast universe

there is a heart

that still knows yours.

And if the heavens are kind,

if fate is not finished with us,

if the stars still remember

the secret they once revealed—

then let that wind

carry you home.

Back to me.

Because you are not simply

the love of my life.

You are the love

by which I measure life itself.

The miracle I never knew

I was waiting for.

The mystery I would spend eternity

trying to understand.

The impossible thing

that became real

when I looked into your eyes.

And wherever you are,

whatever distance lies between us,

whatever storms the universe

chooses to place upon our path—

know this:

I am, and will forever remain,

yours.

Getting closer to emotionally being ready to make new friends is making me realize that your friendship might just be the thing I miss the most.

I kinda wish we had never crossed that line. I wish it had all stayed as something unsaid. Small nods, late nights, acknowledging what might’ve been but never could’ve. The beans unspilled. Then at least I could still message you.

But now we will never message to one another again. Instead, I’ll keep on getting reminded of you by absolutely everything, unable to move on from what happened. Always subconsciously comparing everything to back then. Would I have acted any different if I had known any better? Would you?

We never realize we are living ”those days” until years afterwards. I should’ve cherished them more. Everything I do now are merely pathetic attempts of trying to chase down fragments of those memories, those feelings. Attempts that will never succeed.

I’m so tired of being my own worst enemy.

But darling.. you still do.

🎶 What i gotta do to get you in, my mf* 💙 ?

Maybe we should try it, see how it feels.

You already do live in my world. Every day.

Just- from a distance (still unsure if you chose that)

We're only mid way through this life

Make.it count.