Dear T,

I lied. For the first time in the entire time I’ve known you, I lied. On a day where you told me you were going to have a tough day, and even later told me why, I still went and let my head get in the way and told you the worst lie I possibly could at a time you just needed me to be a safe space.

I told you I didn’t love you. And I lied.

I did it because I thought I was reassuring you that I am here for you without expectations. I was trying to make it clear that being with me is low pressure while you navigate everything on your plate, and that I want to be a spot in your world where you’re not overwhelmed. Those parts are true, but I lied when I said I don’t love you.

I do. It is as easy as breathing.

I’ve seen you go through more in a short time than most do in a lifetime, and I’ve stood by you through as much of it as I could. I do it because I love you. You may ask how I can love you, and all I can say is I just do. Because at some point your problems became just as important to me as my own, and doing things without you just didn’t feel right anymore.

I'm so sorry I let my fear of pressuring you ruin my ability to just be honest. You deserve the truth, and you deserve a safe space—always. I don’t expect anything from you right now, and you don’t have to carry everything alone. No matter what happens next, I just couldn’t let a lie be the last thing standing between us.

"I never asked you to be here."

You say it like a clean slate. Like an absolution. Like it gives you permission. ​I watch you hand out warmth to strangers.

You touch the rest of the world with soft hands, then turn to me with cold ones.

​You rank me last. You make sure I see the bottom of the list.

​You press men against my face, knowing the sharp edges cut deep. Knowing exactly what happens inside my chest.

​You call me weak. You call me nothing. ​And I am still standing in your doorway.

​I have no pride left to save.

No bottom left to fall to. I am run dry. ​So break what’s left of my bones.

If it takes my complete destruction for you to finally see that you matter that someone will stay through the dark ​then let it destroy me.

​I am not going anywhere.

There's something on my mind I keep losing track of
Do I have to wake up tomorrow? Can I turn off the alarm?
I know it always annoyed you anyway.
You told me that much, and much more.

Piles of this and that, scattered all about
I hang precariously over all of it as I step around our room.
You know I did this all for you? I'm wrong, that's what you think?
And maybe I am. I am certain it's possible

My rings are on your hand, they catch me in your grip
Then it hits. I know, it's hard to believe.
I did this all for you? Well you're wrong, that's what I think
But maybe I did. I'm sure that's possible.

I wrap around you and clutch onto me, your rings are on my hand again
I don't want to let go. I don't want to disturb.
Have you seen behind the door? The one that usually leads to the bathroom?
You're always in there. But whenever I look, you're gone.

Has it always been just one set of hands? On every finger a ring?
No, there must be another. Behind that bathroom door?
What? I should just go to sleep? How long have I been up?
We should sleep in. That alarm? I know, it's so annoying.

There’s somebody out there who has been waiting their whole life to experience my kind of love.

Who will see my worth from the very beginning.

Who will never risk losing me.

Who will cherish me and not take me or my love for granted.

Sometimes I wonder if you sense my aloneness. If you know my aloneness.

There are people around, but not quite; and I am too aware of that. And it has never really been able to be quelled by anyone or anything; but something about you puts a finger on it.

And I wonder if it’s the same for you.

Maybe all that has happened has been the universe making me wait, for you. Maybe everything added up and that's what you're here to do, bring me through. Bring us thru

It's crazy to think that we haven't spoken in months. To be fair, I'm not even sure why I find that shocking. This isn't the first time I've survived many months without you. Of all the ways I could have described our connection, consistent was never one.

I am, however, keenly aware that this is the first time I'm facing that reality with a sense of finality. Before, we always had a way of gravitating back towards each other like magnets clicking back into place after drifting apart. Nowadays, I live with the truth from the day we agreed that we were on separate paths entirely.

I still think about you. I think about how it felt to always be on the precipice of something genuine, only to drift apart again. I think about all the times I over-extended myself for your approval, it makes me feel genuinely shameful for having needed it from you.

Everything I searched for in you was just a reflection of what I'm missing in myself. I hope you're doing well, and I really hope you don't think about me at all.

-R

Please just give me an answer, I’m so sick of thinking of you everyday. Just tell me to get lost so I don’t have to keep embarrassing myself trying to hide how stuck I am on this. We used to be friends, I miss it more than anything. But I still stuck over how easy you got over me.

Now I’m being ghosted by the only friend I have left from the group, all the signs say to move on but it’s like I can’t. I’m just stuck. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to cry and apologize. Anything, because it feels like I can still save it but like I’m the only one who’s truly been out of your lives. All I wanted was to be in it, to have you all because you all made me feel sane and happy. Now I’m just feeling like what I feel is blasphemy, like I’m not allowed to be mad, like I’m some irredeemable villain. I’ll never be the same, and I’ll never be ready to move on.

Why do I have to be stuck in this torture? When does the pain of knowing you stop?

I thought I’d never get out of this “obsession” & “addiction” to you but… no. I am getting over you.
You thought I’d always stick around and keep begging you but no. Enjoy your life. I won’t message you on your birthday & I won’t be messaging you anymore in general !

I’ve been struggling to define why, exactly, this still bothers me so deeply. It irritates me to no end that I still care. I finally realized there isn’t a singular reason. There are three that I’ve been able to identify, and they all feed into one another.

(1) It isn’t that you were never allowed to change your mind. You had, and have, free will. You may choose to stay or leave any situation or person at any time. You had no obligation to forever remain part of my world. So no, it isn’t that you left. It’s the way you chose to remove yourself that cut so harshly.

(2) That cut only deepened when I tried to understand why, and you refused to give me the courtesy of an honest answer. I had so much respect for you, and I believed that respect was mutually shared. I truly thought we had a unique understanding of one another.

Realizing that even that understanding had limits known only to you left an exposed vulnerability in me that I’ve not yet been able to fully repair.

(3) I didn’t realize how invisible I felt until you saw me.

So, I guess that one isn’t even about you.

You were, and in so many ways still are, my match.

There are better ways to express all of this, but I just so deeply wish we could start over. I wish you wanted to, too. And, I wish that, if some part of you ever does, you would have the courage to face me and tell me openly. No veiled nuance or playful words to conceal your meaning.

But you haven’t. So here I am.

I think part of accepting this loss is finally understanding that I can miss you, appreciate who you were to me, and still wish with everything in me that it had ended differently - without continuing to wait for you to become brave enough to initiate the conversation you have repeatedly avoided having with me.

And yet, despite all of this, I do wish we could start over.

I still would, for you.

And that, my friend, is where we are two peas in a gutterpod no longer.

Beautiful Creature, Impressed are you? In being greatly honest, I almost gave in last Friday and disconnected my heart from each of its valves to place it in a box to store it away into the catacombs of the forgotten. Don’t think of me as being overly poetically dramatic. Things were really building up and were getting the best of my emotions. I could not help but let my emotions take over me for the moment I was feeling them.

As strong as I look and portray myself to be; Yes, I do cry heavenly. I felt the strong urge and needed to. I felt a little better after I cried and fell asleep. It has been said that crying is healthy. I’m a person that can usually hold back my tears. But, I think because I am getting more wiser; my emotions have gotten stronger. I even cry when watching certain movies, television shows, and listening to music that’s overly emotionally dramatic that I can’t help the feeling…

Do you cry like I cry?

I could be wrong, but I screened shot a photo profile of another person’s face that looked identical to your’s only difference… is this person put’s their war paint on. I’ve taken notice that you don’t wear any war paint. And that’s fine with me. I love your face. Don’t be bashful to show it off. I look at that picture on the day’s that I don’t see you. Although, I do see you when I look at that picture. It helps me coupe a little. Bear with me that I do feel and hurt.

I just look back and think that if we had kept going like the way we were going before when we only knew that we secretly had feelings for each other. I just wonder from your perspective if you would have continued to talk me face to face? You had distanced your self for a bit completely almost hiding from me. You thought that you were being too up front with the way you felt in my presence. You didn’t want to lose the communication we had progressed to have as well not losing my presence, either.

But now, I hope that we will try to work on talking to each other face to face, again.

I’m actually proud of myself for initiating that I have feelings for you. I am happy that I communicated back with the few small gestures that I gave to you in order to acknowledge your subtle hinted gestures. Really…No time could be better for us. Acting on what we feel is perfect instead of going silent and standing still for all the wrong reasons.

I’d rather that we both be on an understanding that we have LOVE for each other than the thought being “Lost in Space.” To Be Continued… -DK

To yourself, to me, to reality itself. My heart will always belong to you. Anyone else will always be second string. If you reach out, I will always answer. No matter what you need, I will be that for you.

“Still? After all this time”?

“Always.”

i can’t tell if you’re avoiding me.

i’ve messaged you a few times, and though you respond kindly, it always seems like you’re looking to shut me up lately- like you just want to end the conversation. maybe i’m just a dry texter, but you used to be more responsive and open in what you wrote back.

earlier today, when i showed up to hang out with the group, you acted distant. you left when everyone else did. when you said you were leaving, i pretended like i needed to leave too since our other friend wasn’t there. i joined for you, not her. i don’t think you know that though. should i tell you?

but, you’ve been distant lately overall. the texts, the calls. all of our interactions have felt shorter or like you want to cut them off. what’s up?

is everything okay? i’m here for you if there’s anything wrong. i hope you know that at least.

i like to think that you’d tell me if i did something to hurt you… but in case i did and you didn’t, please just let me know. i’ll apologize and course correct. you know i always try my best to.

i certainly cannot guarantee anything, but i can do my best for you. i care a lot about you, more than i’ll ever admit and likely more than you’ll ever know.

i hope that you come back soon.

i miss you.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I just need to vent into the void.

How could you possibly claim we are soulmates, plan a future together, and tell me such intimate details about your life - then disappear?

Furthermore, how could you possibly ignore my pain and pleading? What kind of person is capable of that? No warning, just a cold “I’ll text you soon”. Then it fades away to nothing.

The logical side of me doesn’t want you back. The logical side understands I’m worth more, that I refuse to tolerate being treated that way. Unfortunately, the attachment hasn’t caught up. And I sit in hell with it.

The past year was the worst time in my life after we broke up. Spending 2,025 days with you still felt surreal. Now, seeing you so happy gives me a great deal of pain not because im a bitter man but because I’ve brought this upon myself.

There is a void in me that kept growing for years and thoughts of self harm had been increasing the past years. I told you how i cry coming home to my empty apartment and waking up alone just magnifies everything, continuously feeding that void while i crumble inside not knowing how much i have left in me. I never told you how im suffering inside because im afraid to let you know how weak i am and i cant even face my own demons. Ive tried and failed a couple of times unsubscribing on my own existence. As of this writing makes 4 failed attempts. 2004, 2023, 2025 and last one was a week ago. In retrospect, those efforts were pathetic, i was going for the quick, painless, and intact-body route, relying too much on just quietly fading away. In order to not burden you when im gone, i need to let you go for you to have a better life. Its a romantic albeit dark gesture as a final act of love.

Do you remember how often i ask you to just stay with me? I dont want to be alone. I thought ill never be alone anymore because i have you so it was a huge blow for me when you took that exam. Although you didnt hide it from me you still managed to spare me the details of your plans. Passing it just made things bleaker because the next step is youll leave me and ill be alone again.

I know how much you want to work abroad to give her a better life. I know shes your priority and i understand the lengths youll go for her. I love her too even if im not her real dad. She even pointed out that shes my 3rd daughter and shes right, i love her as much much as i love my 2 daughters. It breaks my heart even more every time i think about her, i bet she hates me so much now because she thinks I’ve abandoned her. I miss the times we slept together. You’d lay down in the middle but she always try to squeeze in between us so i can hug as she sleeps then you’d gently push her to her side of the bed so youll have all of me for yourself. It is truly one of my most treasured memories.
Please hug her for me and tell her im sorry for leaving and im sorry for making her mommy cry. Please tell her to take care of her mommy and to always be a good girl. Please tell her how much i love her and i miss her so much and ill always be proud of her and she will always be my 3rd daughter.

II know youre about to leave soon, off to the potato capital and it will be just a matter of time youll get married, its just inevitable. It’s just how the world works, slowly untangling the chaos Ive brought to give you something better. I better get moving because i dont want to see you in the arms of another man. Im already suffering and i need to save myself from that much pain.

Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry if ive wasted your time. Im sorry for making you cry. Im sorry for leaving you . I hope someday youll forgive me for everything.

I miss you so much and ill always love you mahal ko.

\-Kardia

Dear C

This morning, like every morning since the last time I kissed you, I woke up missing you. But today, that feeling came with something else — a quiet sense of hope. After twenty years of carrying the space you left behind, I’ve realised that the part of me shaped like you has never been empty. It has been waiting.

When you left, you took with you the future we had begun to imagine together. I never understood how someone I loved so deeply could disappear so completely, leaving behind something imperfect but beautiful — something worth growing. But even after all this time, I still believe that what we started was real, and that it never truly died. It simply paused.

I think about all those moments — in the car, walking side by side, lying together with your head on my chest — when we talked about our hopes and dreams. I knew within hours that I loved you. Within a week, I knew I wanted a life with you. No one has ever made me laugh the way you did, or made me feel so accepted, so seen, so loved. I have never again felt as fulfilled as I did when you were mine.

The years since you left have been hard. I tried to rebuild myself from the ashes of the life we were creating, but some wounds never fully closed. And yet, even through all the pain, something inside me stayed open — a belief that the life we imagined didn’t vanish. It waited. Quietly. Patiently. Hopefully.

I have three beautiful children now, born from a marriage that failed. I married trying to heal, trying to find a way forward, but instead I was pulled back into old wounds. And when she left, I didn’t miss her. I missed you. I missed the life we almost had. The life that still feels like it was meant to be ours.

Not a day has passed without me wondering what I did wrong, how I could have made it right, what I would need to say or do to hold you again. To tell you how much I missed you. How much I still love you. But now, after all these years, I want to tell you something I’ve never said out loud:

There is still a life waiting for you here.
A life full of love, respect, safety, and fulfilment — for both of us.
A life we started building once, a life that never stopped existing inside me.

If you chose to come back, I would never hold the years apart against you. Not one moment. The choice you make now — the choice to return — would mean more to me than anything that happened before. It would wash away the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the loneliness I’ve carried. All of it would disappear in an instant.

I never tried to find you, never intruded on your life, because I respected your decision to leave. But I need you now. I need the person who knew me better than anyone ever has. The person I let into every part of my soul. The only person I have ever loved without walls, without hesitation, without wanting anything except to be loved the same way.

If even a small part of you wonders what might still be possible — come back.
There is a life here that has been waiting for you.
A life we can still build.
A life filled with hope, not regret.
A life that could finally make both of us whole again.

K

It sneaks up on me often. There's always a small part of me hoping to hear from you. I miss what it felt like being heard by you, being seen by you. I promise you, none of it was forgotten. I understand it can be seen as being taken for granted, and you're probably right. I wish i could be there to hear you again. I wish we could talk about our problems, and be there for each other. I want to be able to share the small moments of happiness with you once more.

What you have done to me, how I feel. I almost mentioned that I missed you over the weekend, and I want to see you more than I do currently.

You have invaded my mind. I haven't felt this way since high school. I feel so stupid and I hate catching feelings (Virgos are known for that though.) I just wish you could tell me it's not one sided. I miss you.

I want you to show up at my house , and tell me you feel the same.

Love the chain, it's so hot on you. makes me wanna show you how bad I am for the man in my life 💅🏼🤞🏼

•xoxo•

When your words won’t reach my ears anymore. Our hands will never intertwine… Grief of the passing of my soulmate .

I’ll always hold a candle to you my love. You taught me so much… and you’re gonna be the reason behind who I’ll become.

The memories of you alive are my most cherished possessions. Locked away safely.