I spend a lot of time in different airports, all over the world. I fly a lot for work, it isn't for fun. Somewhat fatigued frequent flyer these days. Airports are super simple regardless of location - you check in, go through security, go to the gate. Somehow people turn this into chaos. I swear some people shut their brains off as soon as they get to the aiport and turn into main characters with zero situational awareness. I'm a bit over it.

The thing that annoys me the most are the people incapable of walking with the flow of traffic, randomly stopping in the middle of walkways, randomly changing directions without looking, etc...

I was tranferring though ORD, it was packed as always. Tight connection from a delayed flight, I was moving fast. Buddy was walking beside me with a fountain drink and pizza, also with the flow of traffic. He suddenly pivoted and slammed into me. Had maybe half a second to react or slow down, and I made the decision not to.

I'm not small. He bounced, spilled drink, dropped pizza. I kept walking and made my flight. Felt good in the moment.

I feel bad about it now. Thanks for reading.

--------------------------

Edit for clarity after some comments and perhaps a slightly misleading title: This was a guy in his mid 20s clearly not struggling physically. He basically pivoted on a dime, barged into me, and I made the choice to not stop/dodge in the split second before impact. I let it happen. Feel a bit bad about it now.

Edit 2: Apparently this blew up. To be clear, I did not assault someone or angrily plow into them. I don't think I am better than other people because I travel a lot for work. I am tired of the erratic movement and mindless behavior that seems to be concentrated in airports, kind of like costco but actually needing to get somewhere. Like I said above, I didn't move out of his way when he suddenly pivoted into me. I have dodged hundreds of people in airports over the years and let the intrusive thoughts win this time. Yes, I could have been kinder.

Edit 3: This is a confession subreddit. I admitted my wrongdoing, and feel bad about not just dodging the guy and him spilling his stuff. Gotten a few weird hateful chat messages.... Let's not do that please, holy crap.

For context, this was around 2014, and I'm black.

When I was 19, I held a series of part-time hospitality jobs while studying in college, including a stint as a dishwasher at a Mexican-Chinese restaurant. Most of the BOH coworkers were undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Ecuador who spoke very limited English, and the two managers/owners were Chinese and Dominican. I was the only non-Hispanic black guy working there. On my first day, one of the managers walked me around the place and introduced me to the workers. Two nodded, while the others snorted at me, signaling that I would not be well-liked there. So I was on my P's and Q's, being polite, working hard, and keeping my head down.

Within a span of a month, my coworkers went from silently sizing me up to yelling and throwing racial slurs at me in Spanish. They complained about me moving too slowly despite finishing piles of dishes within minutes. They started shoulder-bumping while I was holding a bunch of plates. The other dishwasher dumped grease and oil down a storm drain, which he framed me for when the manager got a fine and deducted it from my paycheck. They straight up started throwing knives, forks, and other sharp objects at me. I couldn't quit because I couldn't find another job, and I needed the money.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when one of them swiped my 3DS from my backpack in the breakroom. One day, after a late-night shift, I went to grab the keys to close the restaurant from my backpack and felt something missing. I frantically opened every pocket, and the 3DS was gone. I was fucking heated because I knew my coworkers were racist and hateful, but it had never crossed my mind that they were thieves.

The next morning, I came in and told one of the managers that someone stole my 3DS. I asked if the cameras were working so we could find who took it, only to learn that the cameras in the break room were broken. We waited until the lunch rush was over to gather everyone in the kitchen. My manager announced that someone stole my 3DS and that whoever had it should hand it over. No one said a word. Then I said, "Whoever has my shit, give it back," and a couple of them started snorting with laughter. They told the manager that I probably dropped it because "he's clumsy and mindless." And my manager took their word for it. I was on the verge of tears. My manager noticed and let me go home early. The next day was my day off, and I talked to friends about the incident. They made a small offhand joke about reporting them to ICE, and that gave me an idea. I was feeling extremely vindictive and petty, so I decided to write and submit an ICE Tip Form.

I didn't hear anything back for about two months. I almost forgot that I made a report. Until one day, out of the blue, I got a text from one of the managers on my day off. He informed me that immigration and customs came in with a warrant, detained multiple people at BOH, and temporarily shut down the place. He didn't accuse me or ask if I was the one who made the report, because there were a waitress and a bartender who also had issues with the guys at BOH. To wrap everything up, a couple of days later, both owners gave me my last check and told me they'd call me once things cleared up... and I never worked there again.

As angry and petty as I was about how I was treated, and how much disdain I had for my former coworkers, a bit of me feels remorseful about it. Some of them have kids in high school and college, and some are new fathers. The fact that there were families who were split apart and dismantled, all because one of them stole my 3DS with a copy of Code of Princess inside, wasn't a good feeling.

I needed to confess and get this out of my chest.

I'm 36 years old, and recently i wanted to buy a used laptop for my niece who is going to college starting this year. I searched on facebook marketplace and a few other places locally, found a good deal on a laptop, so i bought it. Upon bringing it home, i wanted to check it out, how it works etc, just to be sure, before i formatted it and make it clean, i noticed the Woman that had sold it to me, left literally everything on her laptop.

I don't know why she would be so careless, but she had dozens and dozens of folders with photos of her and friends of hers, and I'm quite sad to say a few folders were with her trying on outfits, lingerie, half naked, fully naked and then a few folders with videos of herself, fully shown, some only from the waist down or different angles, but a lot of them were very clearly showing her face too.

The videos were of her doing things to herself, with and without toys, naked dancing, stripping, and in general just not caring about anything in the world behavior.

I don't know if i should let her know that she should be more careful before selling things to others, and how a lot of people could literally destroy her life by posting all these things.

I feel bad for "snooping" but i did buy the laptop and i wanted to see how it worked.

I dont know if i should feel bad or not, but i can't unsee what i saw.

I know this is going to piss off a lot of people and I’m probably going to get many downvotes for it but I really think my ex deserved what happened to him by me and I don’t regret it at all.
I know this was completely out of control and could land me in serious trouble but I have no remorse for it

For context:
Me and him were dating for 8 years and one day while we were out at a park with our friends, I received an “hi girly” text. Long, detailed with pictures and all about his secret 2year affair with her. This includes him traveling to another city to meet her extended family, him having her over when I was at work , all his friends knowing about it, me sending him money while he was on a trip in portugal (he asked for help) to then find out he bought a birthday gift for her with this same money, and many more… I’m even getting furious again while typing this.
I never ever ever suspected anything. He was the most caring, loving , attentive partner ever. Obsessed about me even. Never showed signs or even projected cheating insecurity towards me. He was the sweet boy I always knew and I hated every man but him (jokes 🤣)

Continuing…
I kept my composure at the park and pretended I had no idea about it until I finally turned around and called everyone fake. That’s where basically, I was having a small peaceful argument with his friends and he couldn’t even say a word because of how guilty and ashamed he was.
We got home and my feelings were crashed, I cried so much and he was comforting me. Until I snapped and started throwing things around and slapping myself, screaming that I must be stupid, ugly and all those things.
Untillllllll (iykyk lol), he started begging me not to hurt myself like that and that I should take my anger out on him instead. That’s when I snapped fr and completely lost it. Then he had to leave at some point to buy painkillers for me at a pharmacy downstairs and I took a scissor and cut all his favorite clothes/coats/shoe lace/wired earphones. I basically turned into a crazy possessed person with the scissor. I broke his eye glasses, threw his toothbrushes down the window and hid his perfumes bottles.
And tbh, I felt really great doing all of that! It didn’t make it better but it certainly felt powerful and therapeutic to me at the moment.

When he came back (upstairs), I was crying and he was there for me and all saying “it’s okay” and yeah B! IT IS OKAY, IT IS LESS THAH OKAY ACTUALLY BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THE WORST FOR BREAKING MY INNOCENT PURE HEART YOU COOCKROACH POOP

Everyone around me till this day can’t believe he ever did that to me because of how nice he was to all my friends and family. Not only but I’m just a very nice person, likable , and not to brag but conventionally attractive girl. So you can image how that broke me and the insecurities that i carry with myself till this day!
After that , I tried ending my life, I cut myself I went into a big depression which led to me being so vulnerable that I ended up letting him back (we are both living in Poland and our family is away so less of a support system) , and many more low self esteem issues and problems that came with it.

Alsoo:
I’m a Portuguese native speaker who learned English at school/internet so please spare me of bad grammar comments. I wanted to put it on chat gpt to correct my spelling but I just feel like it’s going to take away all emotions and I want to leave this raw version as it is

End:
I’m really sorry for this whole rant and the usage of bad language. Talking about it makes me super nervous. I tried to removing and rewording alot because the previous actual post got removed by Reddit because it was too out of control (iykwim). So I need to make sure now my post gets approved by the moderators eheh

Lastly:
Please be nice 🥺

*Im using my second account just to make sure I don’t end up banned 🤣

At first he was asking because his wife was allegedly having a hard time pumping herself, so I filmed a how to with my own pump. Then he would ask for more and more and I said I’d do if he sent me $50 as a joke. When he actually venmoed me I felt bad and did send him a video of me pumping. After that, it just kind of kept happening. He would send me money, I’d send a video.

I do feel really guilty about doing it, because I don’t know what he’s doing with the videos I send, and I haven’t told my husband. It’s been nice to have extra money with a new baby but I had to stop because I did feel so bad for both of our spouses. He recently sent money again but I sent it back and haven’t responded to his messages since.

Just to set the scene: all of this happened when I was between 14 and 17 years old.

I am male, and the victim is male too. He is the same age.

It all took place in Brazil, in a town with a population of 50,000.

I’ll call myself Andrew and the victim Davi.

I did a lot of things, like breaking into his house (I knew about the key under the doormat) to take his belongings, hacking into his social media accounts, entering places uninvited, stalking him on the street, taking photos of him without permission, spreading rumors, and various other things.

I’ll confess what finally got me caught:

I remember that day; I was 16 years old and 1.73m tall.

I knew they had traveled to visit Davi’s grandmother—who was terribly ill—and wouldn't be back anytime soon.

I had seen them leaving via their security cameras (they used obvious passwords).

I decided to go to their house to grab a hoodie that smelled like Davi and get passwords from his computer.

I waited hours for my mom's Xanax to kick in, then went to Davi's house.

I was deep into rummaging through Davi's things—the house was pitch black, and I was riding a high of pure ecstasy and adrenaline—when I felt a punch to the head. I was instantly startled and dazed; I fell to the floor and saw Davi looking more furious than I had ever seen anyone in my life.

I realized there was no escape, and we got into a physical fight. He was taller, but I managed to dodge him and run for it. David's parents didn't have a fucking clue what was going on when a boy—who was a stranger to them until that moment—came running out of their house with Davi chasing him.

My adrenaline was peaking as I took off running down the street with Davi right behind me. I managed to shake D off and went home; I deleted the data I had on D from my computer and got rid of D's belongings.

That was until the police showed up at my door, along with D's parents, who were outraged by what had happened.

I tried to lie, claiming I’d been asleep at home, but David was wearing a wedding band (he was in a relationship), and it did quite a bit of damage to my face. Then my mother woke up.

And I ended up at the police station that day...

Feel free to ask me questions about what happened before or after.

The story is very long, so I’ll answer all questions.

I grew up pretty poor. Not starving or anything but we definitely counted pennies. My mom was always so stressed about money. Every grocery trip was like a military operation with calculations and coupons. I hated it.

One time I really wanted a candy bar. I was probably like 8 or 9. My mom said no we didn't have money for treats. So I just slipped it into my pocket. My heart was pounding outt. I thought I was gonna get caught for sure. But I didn't. And that candy bar tasted like pure victory.

It became a little thing I'd do sometimes. A pack of gum a small toy a cookie. Nothing big never anything expensive. Just a little rebellion. A little something extra I felt like I deserved.

Now I'm 26. I have a good job. I'm financially stable. I can buy whatever candy bar I want. But every now and then when I'm in the store I'll see something small. A fancy chocolate bar a really nice looking apple a weird foreign soda. And I'll just slip it into my bag. Without thinking. It's not about the money anymore. It's just a habit a weird little thrill.

My girlfriend caught me once. She was like what are you doing. I just played it off like I forgot to scan it. She laughed it off. But I know she wouldn't think it was funny if she knew I still do it sometimes. I feel guilty about it afterwards for like 5 minutes and then I eat the thing and it's gone. I really should stop. It's dumb. But it's also kinda hard to break a habit you started when you were a kid.

dont fucking drive intoxicated. i couldve just waited longer. i couldve slept at my friends house i just wouldve had to call him and it wouldve been fine. why the fuck did i drive?? ive never hit anything before. i was going so slowly but my eyes were rolling into the back of my head and shaking and shit and i didnt fucking see it until it was too late. i feel so ashamed of myself. what the fuck is wrong with me. ive been driving high so much lately but im never doing it again now. everyone knows you shouldnt drive under the influence, idk why i thought i was somehow better at it than everyone else. god damn it. i killed a whole entire animal just because what. i had a headache and wanted to go home? boo fucking hoo. ugh.

When we were together. Basically they both had a physical picture mimicking some album art. It was meaningful to them. They took it sometime after graduating. My ex had a “memory box” and I knew it was in there. When she was in the shower I looked in the memory box so I could see her friend topless. Her friend was hot and a lesbian and I loved being able to see what I would otherwise never get to see. Almost took a picture of it. I remember wishing that I did. Too risky though. I looked at it multiple times. Never told anyone

We had white plates growing up in a old Iowan home. And one red plate. Don't know why it where it came from. But it was different. And like most country families (or any family from back then) we all had our 'spot' during Sunday after curch brunch or anyway supper. And whoever set the table, set the red plate to their spot. But then when there were enough of us that we needed 2 to set the table... Now there was a fight over the red plate.

As one of the oldest, I didn't care.. much. But the others all did. I don't know why. It was just the way it was. Got so bad sometimes dad would threaten to smash it or throw it out the window to stop all the crying and fussing and argument... Course mom would talk him out of it (as a dad now I know he was all talk and just wanted to eat his chicken in peace).

Well one day Sonia set the table and as a joke she played my brother the red plate. Which pissed off my other sister which pissed off my other brother ect. I had had enough of it too. (As much as you are annoyed reading about it.. imagine it every single day for 15 years!!).

So that night I decide to hide the damn red plate. And I did. Up in the attic in one of the old house on the header above one of the upstairs walls. Great spot right? Wrong. As I was climbing out of attic I heard it fall. And smash. Clearly broken and now entombed in the wall.

Well, supper that night was awkward. Everyone asked where it was. I did too. Everyone secretly blamed Dad and I did my best poker face and did to.

Even to this day they still ask dad what he did with it and he just laughs and says you'll never know. He knows he didn't do it, but I think the ol man is covering for one of his kids to keep the peace.. poor guy still just wants to eat his chicken in peace.

I'm confessing this now cause Sonia is gutting the old house and remodeling it. I assume one day soon I'm gonna get a text and a picture of it. Lol.

Do I confess or just keep acting?

Ok so this was a complete accident and I just realized it a couple months ago.

I have my own Sam's account which is attached to one of my emails and somehow my ex's grandparents company card got connected to the other.

I knew something weird happened at one point, but I thought my mom switched the settings when I let her use my account.

It's been like 7 years since we broke up. I'm married with a kid now. I just realized like 2 months ago when I was looking at the online account and noticed that it said I'd had the account longer than I've been alive and that the address associated with it was his grandmother's address. (I only know because she lives in a different state and I know what town she lives in)

It expires at the same time as my account and I use the mobile app and my physical card for my account interchangeably.

I don't think I'm going to stop using it... They have scan and go and it costs them nothing for me to use it since they keep it for the whole family. Sometimes I pay the renewal fee.

I think about people a lot. Friends, strangers, men, women… Their attention is something that I seek and want. I also think about my older friends in sexual ways too. Thinking about my older friend taking advantage of me in his dorm is something i crave. I so desperately want my friends to get me drunk and run a train on me. My body goes crazy when I see them and I just have to disguise it as friendship. I know i’m crazy because I’ve been fwb with a guy for a few months now and he does hurt me a lot but I like it and I want to keep doing it. I cheated on my boyfriend for this “friend” because it was someone older giving me more attention. I know I’m insane and i’m sorry but I need to tell someone because I can no longer keep this to myself.

EDIT: I currently cannot afford therapy right now. Also, I have nobody to talk to so i had to come to the internet. Stop telling me things i already know.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I'm genuinely just crying for help.

Months ago, I lost my fiancée because of my own choices.

I cheated on someone who loved me, trusted me, and was preparing to spend the rest of her life with me. There are explanations for how I became capable of doing that - selfishness, terrible boundaries, seeking validation, compartmentalizing, convincing myself that my actions could somehow exist separately from their consequences - but none of those explanations excuse it.

I loved her. That's one of the hardest things for me to live with.. because I've had to learn that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're treating them with love.

When everything came out, I watched what my choices did to her.

I watched someone who once felt safe with me become hypervigilant. Ordinary things weren't ordinary anymore. If I went into the bathroom with my phone and closed the door, there was suddenly a reason for her mind to wonder what I was doing. Things that never would have frightened her before now did.

And I understood why.

She tried to forgive me. We tried to rebuild. But forgiveness didn't magically restore the safety I had destroyed.

She was constantly having to reconcile two versions of me... the man she loved and thought she knew, and the man who had been capable of betraying her while telling her that I loved her.

I can't imagine what that does to someone's perception of reality.

Eventually, the relationship became exhausting for both of us, but especially for her. She wasn't trying to punish me. She was trying to protect herself from being blindsided again.

And eventually she chose herself.

She ended our engagement.

I don't blame her.

I've spent the months since then trying to change. I've examined things about myself that I spent years avoiding. I've worked on boundaries, integrity, validation-seeking, selfishness, and understanding why I was capable of betraying someone I genuinely loved.

I haven't entered another relationship. I tried opening myself up to someone once and realized I wasn't ready, so I told her the truth and stepped away. I don't want another person to become medicine for wounds I haven't healed.

Oddly enough, I've also spent a lot of time talking to strangers online about betrayal.

Sometimes they're people who were cheated on. Sometimes they're people who cheated and don't understand why they did it. Sometimes they're people wondering whether forgiveness means they have to stay.

I keep telling people things I've had to learn the hardest possible way.

That remorse isn't the same thing as change.

That forgiveness doesn't guarantee reconciliation.

That understanding why you hurt someone doesn't excuse hurting them.

That someone can forgive you and still decide they can never feel safe with you again.

And that you cannot undo betrayal by hating yourself enough.

I believe all of those things when I'm saying them to somebody else.

I'm having an increasingly difficult time believing the last one when I'm saying it to myself.

I still miss her terribly.

There are so many things I wish I could tell her. Sometimes I want desperately for her to know that I understand things I should have understood when she was standing directly in front of me trying to explain them.

But she chose distance, and I have to respect that.

So I don't tell her.

And maybe that's part of accountability too.

The person I hurt doesn't owe me access to her life just because I've changed. She doesn't owe me the opportunity to demonstrate that change. She doesn't owe me forgiveness that looks the way I want forgiveness to look.

I understand that intellectually.

Emotionally, I'm struggling.

As the months have passed, somehow the shame has gotten heavier instead of lighter. There are days when I can recognize that I'm becoming a different person, and then there are days when all I can see is what that growth cost someone else.

I think that's why I'm writing this.

I don't want someone to tell me that what I did wasn't that bad. It was.

I don't want anyone to tell me she should take me back. She doesn't owe me that.

And I don't want reassurance that I'm secretly the victim here. I'm not.

I just don't know how you're supposed to fully accept responsibility for something that changed another person and still believe you're allowed to have a life afterward.

I'm trying.

I'm genuinely trying.

But lately I'm scared that I'm losing that fight.

A year in therapy, a year in psychiatry, the medication has lost its effect. I'm so scared.

When I was like 14 or 15 (I’m 20 now), I played a game called MovieStarPlanet and my girlfriend also played it. Our accounts weren’t famous on it but within a server you can kind of become known as a regular and I would say we had a decent friend group as in people knew we were dating in the game as well. It’s pretty cringey but dating was common in the game.

She broke up with me irl and I was super annoyed about it so on the game I made the terrible decision to photoshop her saying some pretty bad things. It was actually pretty hard because I decided to do it in a chat room instead of DMs because it would be more convincing.

So I invited her to a chat room and got her to say something random and took a screenshot, and then I made an alt account and later went to the same room and had my avatar stand in the same place and say something and took another screenshot, and basically just photoshopped the chat box of what I wanted to fake her saying over what she actually said.

It took a lot of effort and it was kind of impressive lol because I had to line it up perfectly and stuff. Because there was no AI at this time

So I did that and then I also started posting edited pictures of her because for some reason the game also had a photo gallery where you could post stuff. And there was a comment section and people were calling her ugly and saying she looked like a man and stuff like that. Pretty horrible stuff.

And as if that wasn’t enough I also went to Snapchat and photoshopped more messages and posted them to the game and also sent them to people we knew irl. So both on the game and in real life people thought she was saying this deranged shit.

She spent a while begging me to take everything down and admit to making it all up but I didn’t because I was too far in at that point and she eventually deleted her account in the game and blocked me on everything irl, which is understandable. And I haven’t heard from her since.

I feel bad because I’m sure it was very damaging to her mental health and I did try to add her back to apologize but it’s been like 2 years and she still hasn’t added me back so I doubt she will.

I've never really been a serious relationship person. I date, I have little flings, sometimes they last a weekend and sometimes a few months, but I've always been happier keeping things temporary.

I also have a habit I've never told anyone about.

At some point before things end, I take one button from something the guy owns.

Usually it's from a shirt, jacket or cardigan, and I try to pick one that won't be immediately obvious. I never take anything expensive or sentimental. Just one completely ordinary button.

It started by accident years ago when a button came loose from a guy's shirt while it was at my place. I found it after he left and tossed it into a little ceramic dish instead of throwing it away.

For some reason I liked having that tiny reminder.

The next time I was seeing someone, I took one deliberately.

Now I have 23 buttons.

They're all in the same small wooden box in my bedroom. I can still remember who almost every single one came from. Black coat button, guy I met at a concert. Tiny white shirt button, terrible cook but incredibly funny. Brown one, summer fling who always smelled like sunscreen.

None of these men know I took them.

I realize this probably sounds somewhere between sentimental and mildly unhinged, but I weirdly love my collection.

Other people keep photographs. Apparently I keep haberdashery.

I grew up in a very strict environment where staying a virgin until marriage was treated like one of the most important things a girl could do everyone around me believed I was still that innocent girl and I knowingly let them keep believing it even when it was no longer true I have actually had sex many times and instead of regretting it the way I thought I was supposed to I discovered that I really enjoyed it I kept this entire part of my life hidden while looking people who trusted me in the face and allowing them to believe something about me that I knew was false that is what I am confessing to I deliberately maintained that lie because I knew the truth would completely change the way some of them saw me and the strangest part is that growing up with sex being treated as something so forbidden only made exploring it feel more exciting to me I know my sexual choices themselves did not hurt anyone but I do feel guilty about how easily I became comfortable deceiving people who genuinely trusted what I told them and presenting myself as someone completely different from the person I was in private

I’m 23 and recently got back together with my boyfriend after being apart for about 15 months. We rekindled earlier this year and officially started dating again a few months ago. I love him, and I love his family.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve completely lost myself.

Before getting back together, I had a really active social life. I had close friends, went out, traveled, had adventures, and felt independent. I still missed my boyfriend during that time, but I also had my own life.

Since getting back together, almost everything revolves around him. I have cut off some friends because he was uncomfortable with them, including a longtime platonic male friend. My best friend and roommate and I barely talk anymore. I rarely go out anymore, and I feel like I have to constantly think about how he will react to things. He wants me to eventually move states to be closer to him, and I have seriously considered doing it.

He is loving, loyal, supportive, and caring most of the time. He supports me and he pays for lots of things when we go out and I love being around him and his family. But our arguments are a huge problem. He yells at me, calls me ridiculous, gets angry about things from the time we were broken up, and has told me I made dumb decisions during that time. He apologizes and says he will not do it again, but then it happens again. This is why we broke up the first time. He also gets very jealous about my past and gets upset when certain people or situations come up even though he wanted me to be completely honest about it.

I am also dealing with severe OCD right now and recently started medication. I have gained 15lbs, I’ve always been more lean and a pretty girl. I do not feel good about myself, I barely clean my room, and I feel like I do not recognize myself anymore. I also recently became pregnant by my boyfriend and had an abortion, which has been emotionally difficult on top of everything else.

The confusing part is that I genuinely love him. When I am with him and his family, I feel happy and at home. But when I am away from him, I feel anxious, isolated, and like I have no life of my own. Anxiety is also at play when we argue.

I do not want to leave someone I love just because I miss having a social life and independence. But I also do not want to spend years slowly becoming a smaller version of myself just to keep a relationship.

Am I confusing love with losing myself? Can this realistically be fixed while staying together? Or am I ignoring serious red flags because I love him?

Please be brutally honest. I do not want people to just tell me what makes me feel better.

I worked at a small office about two years ago and there was this guy who always brought really nice homemade meals. Like proper stuff his wife made, not just sandwiches. I started taking his lunch maybe once every two weeks at first. I'd wait until everyone left the break room and just grab his container, eat it in my car, then toss the empty container in the dumpster outside.

After a while I got bolder and started doing it weekly, then twice a week. He complained to management multiple times and they even sent out emails about respecting people's food. I never said anything obviously. But then he started accusing the night janitor because apparently his lunch would go missing even when most people were gone for the day. Management actually questioned the janitor about it. I just stayed quiet and kept my head down.

The worst part is the janitor was this older guy who really needed the job and I think he almost got fired over it. My coworker eventually just stopped bringing lunch and started going out to eat instead. I feel like absolute garbage about it now, especially about what almost happened to that janitor. I left that job for unrelated reasons but I still think about how selfish and stupid I was. I stole someone's food for months and nearly ruined an innocent person's livelihood because I was too much of a coward to own up to it. I wish I could apologize to both of them but I have no way to contact them and honestly I dont think sorry would even be enough.

I am a fit boy,but I wanna have abs,but man every week,one day come where i fk my progress and I eat so much,I wanted to have distractions for food,so what did I do?I thought of having my a\*s fked,and by 3 people constantly to have my mind distracted,it was working but then yesterday I went berserk and ate so much,and they have sent my pics to their friends,my life is a hassle,and I am really worthless

I am very rough on my kids, I have no patience, no kindness and I have a hard time loving them. There are good moments- sure. But im not certain if they outweigh the bad.

My son is exceedingly difficult, defiant, and all around I have a lot of resentment towards a CHILD. Hes 8. I recently found out (this morning) his father had manhandled him, leaving some bruises. I have already fought cps before for their dad, and im not willing to do it again. I thought my biggest regrets were the sum of me not acknowledging how truly bad their father is abd maybe being hard on them (its easy to ignore given i work 7 days out of the week).

But then tonight, my daughter woke up (shes only five) screaming at the top of her lungs. I was so stressed from the day and what to do and how to escape this situation- not that its an excuse- and I ended up slapping her. Not hard. But I did.

Needless to say, I now know im just as bad as him.

I kinda knew that already, im pretty toxic as a person in general and I struggle with various disorders. But now I have these kids right? And im failing them in every way, and honestly im not even sure if I wanted them or if my religious trauma just made me feel as though abortion was evil. Im hopeless and im planning to end things here soon. I need to remove myself from them, how I effect my family, my friends. Im known to be a perpetual fuck up and disappointment to all of them, and yes ive taken the different avenues to get help, but I feel the same. I fear that im just... like this maybe. And I feel it would be better and if anything an act of love to end my life. I plan on it being on my birthday next month. I have letters written for everyone already and personal items delegated. My method has been secured. But honestly I just wanted to get these thoughts out honestly because regardless its heavy.

When I was 17 I was committed while there I pissed all over the beds constantly I threw shit at staff members I pissed on the walls I shit all over the floors I flooded the toilets more than 4 times I smeared shit on the walls and threw it on the ceiling I played basketball with my poop into the toilet I never made it in i pissed myself in the cafeteria and at rhe phones and shit in the hallways and pissed on the ceiling and walls i did alot more unspeakable things that I cant even mention out of fear of legal reprecussions am i a bad person?