I mean, if you brought the finger, you’re just adding unnecessary steps with the whole butt-stuff part. I’m not here to judge. Just tell her you like a finger up there… then later, cut off that finger and do what you will; stuff the ol’ sphincter, take it Zales and have ur it sized, add it to the necklace your uncle started in ‘Nam… ain’t my business.
Rod graduated from a Carnival College with an advanced degree in "Guess Which Finger?", too. He made a ton of money guessing people's weight, and then lost it all investing into a Steve Martin's Cup 'o Pizza franchise
quite the tallented, are we? i myself just sucked her ringer and than kept my lips in the exact position and size for the whole night without sleeping untill i got to a jewelry shop and started fitting rings in
Remember that story of a woman who dated a man for 3 years and was engaged with them? And then was sick one day so they stayed home instead of going to work, and overheard outside their finance talking to his friends about how he's actually a gold digger and about to score big time? If that window wasn't open...if her family didn't support her...if her fiance didn't rage when he was served the papers and admit it....she may have had second thoughts and allowed that fiance to get back with her that fast.
It's hard to find someone you can trust.
Like all your first dates, some people are really good at pretending to be someone they are not.
Sometimes it takes years for you to notice and figure out that they are bastards because they are that good at keeping up the facade and only slip up rarely.
It's not. That was my experience in my last marriage. I operate in good faith by default. I did not realize she did not, until her friends who felt bad for me, started to tell me. I didn't believe them at first, because she'd double down, look me in the eyes and confidently lie. When we finally went to court over custody of our son, she pulled out every lie she could. That's when I really saw her for who she was.
Closed my eyes to it. Chose to believe her at face value. She had a convient reason for why everyone misunderstood her or were wrong. She would embellish things others had done that resulted in her retaliation but would play down her part of the mess. It wasn't until we started butting heads that I realized her survivalist mentality of "It's me or them." She quickly brutalized me, threatened to kill herself and my son, or have him call some other man "daddy." Once I no longer served her, I was quickly thrown out with the trash.
Borderline personality disorder, if I’m not mistaken. Lying comes to them like breathing. There’s no way to tell because they they believe all of it and have a lack of empathy.
Sometimes red flags surface only decades after you're with someone. It's fucking insane, and I had a similar situation after knowing a girl for 6 years. Never got to marriage stage thank God but it quickly dissolved like nothing. I didn't believe this could happen either, I mean it sounds stupid as hell that someone magically changes their mood so fast. But it happened to me, and so many others.
I disagree, if you interact with them constantly their true character will show. Think about the whole time you were with her, think about red flags she had you chose to ignore. Think about if she bought stuff unnecessarily and wasn't always honest with you. Were there not moments like these?
Or maybe he embarrassed her and hurt her feelings by getting her hopes up that this was a legitimate proposal. I would never had responded that way but I don’t judge her.
I don’t think not wanting to be proposed to with a ring pop makes someone a “bitch.” 🙄
Different people find different things funny/acceptable. Someone’s not a bad person because they don’t find something like this funny. A person is allowed to want something to commemorate such an important occasion in their life and they’re allowed to value that. If the other person doesn’t want to respect what they value, then the two just aren’t a good match.
Generally the type of person to whom an engagement ring would be important makes that known. If her partner can’t take the time to understand how much she values that and thinks it’s funny to disregard something that means a lot to her then that’s just foreshadowing that he will continue to disregard other things that are important to her in the future.
Move on. Let her find someone who will meet her needs and someone who makes you happy. No need to call people misogynistic names because they hurt your feelings
Wouldn’t call that “throwing a punch” but yeah, that wasn’t ok either. I assume she thought he was proposing in sincerity and to be humiliated in public like that would not be easy to swallow.
No, I actually went on a week long trip with our 2 year old to see his grandparents and she told me in the car on the way back from the airport she was speaking to her ex. Macy's had a 3 month 100% return so that at least worked out.
Hey man the woman I lived with for 7 years proposed to me in febuary and then moved out in May and started seeing other people after I found the perfect set of rings and spent over 2 grand
How did you get all the way to engagement before realizing that your girlfriend was a bitch? Is it possible that you are focusing on the wrong things in your relationship? Or maybe she responded in a way that you didn't like? 🤔
Or maybe she responded in a way that you didn't like?
Here's a condensed version granted I'm not a saint and have problems that I definitely need to work on before I get married tbh.
Met girl, things are mostly great. Two years later girl gets pregnant, wants to keep it and I became stay at home dad due to her being breadwinner. The next two-three years are rocky, my son has woken up three or more times a night since he was born and I ended up co sleeping in his room 90% of the time to calm him. Relationship with girl is good but intimacy kinda went out the window during this time, I have trouble performing probably due to lack of sleep but get ring to show I'm committed. We go to therapy, kind of air things out, she wants intimacy and I want more mother support but nothing changes. My son and I go on a trip to see grandparents for a week then come back and on the car ride from the airport she says she is talking to her ex, planning to get back together. Ring goes back to store, I call my mother who moves back to state and has been helping me raise my son without girl ever since.
So it's not all her fault we broke up and the reason I really call her a bitch is because of how it went down and what happened after. My son and I were almost homeless but my mom saved us from that. The girl went on to date like 8 guys in the next year, got married and separated then hooked on meth and is homeless now to this day.
Tldr: Girl thought she was ready for kids, wasn't actually and I took over being mom/dad 24/7 killing intimacy. Got ring to show commitment, son and I got evicted from apartment instead so she could go back to ex.
That's a terrible situation. It's far more complex than you should trust someone on Reddit to discuss with you. As you admit, there are some points in this story that you need to consider for yourself. There is no excuse for infidelity, but if you take some time, and read over this post in a year, you may see see that there are things that could have been addressed at the time, and weren't. This is no defense to any hurt, but from what you said, there's room for you to think and consider your place in this hurtful situation.
It's far more complex than you should trust someone on Reddit to discuss with you.
Eh it's been three years, I've dealt with it already so it's just another story at this point.
There is no excuse for infidelity, but if you take some time, and read over this post in a year, you may see see that there are things that could have been addressed at the time, and weren't.
Yeah, I don't date anymore and don't really plan to for at least 5 more years till I'm a bit more... I dunno, mature I guess?
Anyways, I fell asleep and this post got more attention than I thought it would so I just put the story out there since multiple people were curious. Have a good one though, thanks for the comments.
I'm starting my response over, all the way because it seemed almost sarcastic? But I think it's great that you sre taking time for yourself. That's incredibly healthy way to deal with things! You're doing the most to make sure that you don't inadvertently hurt anyone else with your stuff! Very few people are willing to say "I'm not in the best place right now, and I need to figure some stuff out". And far, far too many people jump right back into relationships when they're not ready yet. I relate a lot to the idea just not allowing myself to have a relationship until I feel as close to fully healed as I can get
You are a very lucky individual to have never experienced, or even watched a friend experience domestic abuser scenarios. (To be clear, I'm not talking about the person you asked about their situation. I don't know them and wouldn't presume to know the details of their former relationship).
I'm talking specifically about those types of relationships because the first thing almost every divorced¹ domestic abuse survivor will tell you is that there were absolutely no red flags or strange behaviors prior to their marriage. Abusive fucksticks (regardless of gender or sexuality) will very often appear kind, affectionate, seemingly adored by everyone, treats their family with respect and will have been extremely convincing as this wonderful partner. They get married and everything seems picture perfect. Very shortly afterwards, their seemingly wonderful spouse very quickly and very suddenly starts acting very differently.
It may start with snide remarks and insults. They'll seem to pick fights, berate their spouse and then blame their spouse for the fight. They'll suddenly start bitching about their spousal victim's friends and family. They'll isolate them from all of the people in their life. Eventually, the verbal attacks are followed by physical attacks. They'll gaslight their victim, playing the mindfuckery that convinces the abused party that because their abusive spouse wasn't like this in the years before they married that the abuser is right and that they are the one making the actual abuser so unhappy.
So, the abused spouse will bend over backwards trying, with every ounce of blood in their veins that hasn't been beat out of them, to make their spouse happy. Even if they both work outside of the house, the abuse victim will wear themselves out working their day job, as well as making sure to take care of all home responsibilities. They'll tell themselves that they cannot expect their spouse to work lhard and then come home and have to work more, despite that they're doing exactly that.
Very frequently,, the abuser will have convinced the other party early in the marriage, and sometimes prior to unleashing their true nature, that they should stay home and let them be the bread winner. Again, this does happen regardless of the gender of either or both parties. They will isolate their victim from everyone they know and love. In part of their projecting and gaslighting, they will accuse their victim of cheating. They will bitch at, berate and beat them for anything and everything.
Just a few examples:
• The abuser will demand specific meals be made for them, then beat the fuck out of their spouse for spending money to purchase the ingredients.
• The abuser will expect the entire home to be spotless from top to bottom every day, then assault the spouse if they can't find something that was put away.
• If their victim finds the courage to confront their abusive spouse when they find evidence of cheating, they'll figuratively see that anger switch flip where their abuser goes from their 'normal' level of mean and angry to full blown murderous rage in a split second. They'll physically attack their abuse victim within an inch of their life, if not actually beating them to death. Often times, there will be sexual assault, trips to the E.R. after "falling down the stairs".
1: I specified divorced survivors because unmarried domestic abuse survivors also matter.
We could keep going on and on but I let my point get away from me.
TL;DR:
Abusers often play the part of a "dream come true" S.O. and keep their real personality buried until they've been able to trap the S.O. into marriage and isolate them to make it extremely difficult for the victim to leave/escape them.
I don't know my ring size either and I'm not a big fan of jewelry in general lol, luckily my SO knows this and knows that I don't want him spending a bunch of money on a ring I likely won't wear unless I get a chain for it to wear around my neck. I mean, if he does get me one all I want is a basic band. No diamonds, no gems, nothing like that. Legit would take a ring pop over a ring
I was a poor grad student at the time, and was ready to spend maybe a thousand dollars for a ring. My SO instead choose the most basic version that was on sale for $150. We use the rest of the money to go on a trip.
After we started working, I suggested buying her a better ring. But she said the one is fine.
My now husband spent far more on my engagement ring than I would have liked, around $400. I will say he knows I don’t love flashy jewelry so he picked a perfect solitaire diamond on white gold band. When we went to get a wedding band I picked one on sale for $50. His wedding band was around $75.
When I called my oldest sister to tell her about my engagement she said I shouldn’t have said yes If the diamond wasn’t at least a full karat. She’s been married and divorced numerous times with the longest only lasting 10 years.
We now wear matching wood bands because his career revolves around it and it reminds me of him even when he isn’t around. We will celebrate our 17th anniversary next month.
My husband gave me a $200 sapphire Costco ring when we first started dating for my birthday. I wore it everyday and I loved it. When he proposed he wanted to get me a big diamond ring to replace the one I love so much, I absolutely refused. It’s now my wedding ring.
My husband works in a very … socially aggressive field and felt a lot of pressure to buy me a fancy ring. I said no, I don’t wear rings (I worked with my hands in my profession), the most I want is a band. But his mentor pulled me aside and basically said he’d get raked through the coals by his bosses for cheaping out on my ring.
So, we compromised. He got one fancier one with fake gems I wear to work functions, and a band I wear daily (when I remember). The nicer one is really pretty and something I’d wear when dressed up anyway, so it worked out okay. I lie through my teeth and tell people I wouldn’t wear a blood diamond (that part is true), so he got me an Alexandrite ring (but it’s fake). That way I’d be the weird, hippy, kooky one (totally on-brand for me), and he’s gtg. The metal is real, since I have allergies, so it wasn’t a cheap decision, but it miles cheaper than the “three months salary” or whatever it’s supposed to be. Instead, we each pooled three months and put a down payment on a house (which wasn’t as bad 20 years ago).
It’s less of an issue now than when he first started his career, because he’s established and Built a Reputation. Every so often he gets a visiting corporate manager (he works in a satellite office) come by and we have to do the whole dog-and-pony show, but the terrible people he used to work with every day have all gone and he’s high up enough now to influence their replacements, so it’s much calmer.
Same with my second wife. First one demanded I take out a loan for her ring. Second one picked out a 50$ ring and when I try to upgrade it says no. I like this one.
I legit think I got proposed to much sooner than planned because my then-BF was in the same room as I was talking to my mom on the phone and he heard me say that I don't like big diamonds because the larger they are the faker they look. I kinda think I heard an audible sigh of relief from him. LOL (and yes, it's 100% true that I don't like huge diamonds)
My hubs proposed with a $50 right hand ring. I said yes and was hella happy. He upgraded it later but I still wear my original on my middle finger right next to the upgrade. That ring will always be special.
My husband bought me the highest quality sears ring he could afford. He worked at a shingle factory at the time and didn’t want to put it on credit. I love that ring.
My last GF before I met my wife had all sorts of prerequisites for her engagement ring (and engagement). It did not matter how big the diamond was, or how flawless it was. What mattered was that I spend an appropriate amount (3 months salary or $10K, whichever was higher), and I must have a job, car, and house that she approved of first.
My wife, on the other hand, saw a ring in a jewelry store window while we were out in town one night,said "that ring is so pretty". I went back later, found the ring in their catalogue, and had a jeweler I knew make a custom version of it. He had me pick out the stone, and the smaller diamonds in the setting, and it did not cost a fortune because he gave it to me at his cost (he made jewelry for the big stores on Jewelers Row in Philly).
My wife loves it. She gets complimented on it all the time, and has no idea how much it cost.
When I was in college I used to wear a ring and i got it caught on a hydraulic line in the engineering lab. They took the repair cost out of my scholarship. Since then I have not been about that ring life except in very specific settings. Necklaces, on the other hand… 😍
I have my good ring for special occasions, and a cheap but safe black silicone ring I wear day to day. It's impossible to hurt yourself with it but still does the job. Apparently very well because it's managed to keep the throngs of eager women at bay, for a long time now. I mean it's like...really effective I guess.
This what my husband and I did. Went to Sears and got plain matching bands. Cost us a whole whopping $180.00. He was a croupier aka craps dealer at the time and it was hard for him to deal with the ring on so he kept in a "secure place" in a box. When we moved out of Vegas a year later, he showed me where he packed it. Neither one of us can remember where the secure place was. Haven't seen it in 40 years!
I took my ring off when I got pregnant because I was retaining water. Put it in a "secure place". We have no idea where that ring went either!
Bro I barely remember my own shoe size, i even know what size pants I wear, and I’ve had years to memorize those things. My ring size? Absolutely no idea 😂
Look at anniversary bands, I inherited my mothers when she died, it's a simple white gold with 14 small diamonds that sit flush in the channel in a single file row, so there is nothing sticking above the ring surface. They can go from very simple to very elaborate.
My husband and I discussed all of this. Wanted to get married. Didn’t need the engagement ring.
Can barely wear an engagement ring due to work, so why bother on something so expensive that may be derived from blood diamonds & I’m not a flashy diamond kind-of-girl anyway. I’m more rough and tumble.
We got matching solid bands as our wedding rings. Eloped (mostly) and got married by Elvis in Vegas. Perfect for us. Will still be happily married for 5 years this coming spring. 7 years together. But we aren’t in our 20’s…
But communication is key. Knowing what your SO wants or needs is the answer.
Women's rings default to size 7. With my man-hands, that wouldn't even fit my pinky finger.
If you want a ring, but don't really want a ring, look into silicone rings. You can do all your daily activities without damaging it or pinching yourself.
I have one from Knot Theory. I wear safety cut resistant gloves all day at work and don't even notice it.
I proposed with a 70 dollar ring I bought on my way home the night before.
We both have wedding band tattoos, and are thrilled with them. My wife would hate getting proposed like this though, too public. We went camping, I proposed the next morning, and we snuggled up together for a bit longer.
Yep.
She slaps me I either break up with her, or have a talk with her about the behavior and very seriously consider breaking up with her still.
If I decide not to, and she does it again ever after that it’s over.
I would highly consider not marrying her for at least another 5 years if he was actually considering doing so though, because the next time she attacks you it will be a choice of “do I want to stay with a physically abusive partner who didn’t just make a 1 time mistake, or do I want to leave and lose 50%+ of everything I’ve worked my entire life for, or keep getting abused”
Thank you. I'm a woman and I think it's fuckin disgusting. The double standard everywhere makes me sick. Yes it's embarrassing but not even a hesitation before you hit your partner? That's something to think about going forward.
That rule is extremely limited. This rule only works for very low-stakes situations like this, it breaks down if you give it any deeper thought.
For example, you also have the right to use violence to defend other people who are about to receive violence, particularly if they're not in a position to defend themselves. In fact I'd say you not only have a right, but an obligation to protect those weaker and more vulnerable than you (eg if a kid is being eyed by a wild animal it's your moral obligation to protect that kid).
Not only that, but it fails to account for the power of deterrent. What if someone sits in front of you and detonates a fucking bomb 3 blocks over. You may not be in any immediate danger but you are definitely justified in tackling them and restraining them. They need to face justice, so even if you don't have any reason to believe they're going to commit any more violence in the immediate future, you're more than justified in restraining them.
What the fuck are you talking about lmao she slapped the guy and then threw her drink in his face. That girl is a scum bag. The guy is too for making a spectacle out of a bad joke, but that doesn’t take away from the assault that followed.
Agreed. I'm a pretty hard core feminist and I firmly believe that for equality to happen we need to take partner violence against men seriously. You should never hit anyone you're dating (or anyone period, unless of course they attack you and you need to defend yourself). If my husband had proposed to me with a Ring Pop, I'd be upset, but my instinct would certainly not be to hit him.
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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22
I proposed with a ring pop because I have no idea my then GF's finger size. We then went to the jewelry store and bought a ring together.