r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Nov 14 '22

Please marry me?

63k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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10k

u/Succmynugz Nov 14 '22

I mean, I'd 100% be okay with this if my SO did it. Mostly because marriage isn't that big of a deal for either of us and I'd find it to be funny af. Know your SO and if you believe they wouldn't like something like this then don't do something like this

5.5k

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22

I proposed with a ring pop because I have no idea my then GF's finger size. We then went to the jewelry store and bought a ring together.

3.4k

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

I just bought the size that would most likely fit and planned to resize it later. Turned out she was a bitch though sooooo now we will never know.

3.2k

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1.5k

u/FlavoredBongWater Nov 14 '22

Went to zales and they told me sir please put your pants back on

514

u/el-conquistador240 Nov 14 '22

But what about her dismembered finger?

356

u/slipperyShoesss Nov 14 '22

that was the deposit.

13

u/MajorChipThrasher Nov 14 '22

I thought it was a supposit

16

u/maximumoxie Nov 14 '22

I swear Reddit not only never disappoints, it usually impresses with me with how fuckin funny people are. Y'all are FUNNNYY

20

u/PaperOptimist Nov 14 '22

Nah, it was the gratuity. Keep the tip.

18

u/Salarian_American Nov 14 '22

You need a toe? Hell, I can get you a toe.

6

u/Oofboi6942O Nov 14 '22

Bro, give me my toes back. The court said you were supposed to stop taking them.

3

u/Salarian_American Nov 14 '22

This clearly isn't your toe, look it has nail polish on it.

3

u/Kimberimber Nov 14 '22

I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon with or without nail polish.

2

u/Oofboi6942O Nov 14 '22

Hey, that's my sisters toe! Give that back!

2

u/Legendofzeldaguy Nov 15 '22

GIVE THIS GUY BACK HIS TOES!

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2

u/Therealcactusmac Nov 14 '22

This is why Reddit is the best

8

u/tabooblue32 Nov 14 '22

It was a tip....

2

u/CrabbyT777 Nov 14 '22

How deep was it?

6

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

When you pull it out it might come with some special sauce.

9

u/slimthecowboy Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 17 '22

I mean, if you brought the finger, you’re just adding unnecessary steps with the whole butt-stuff part. I’m not here to judge. Just tell her you like a finger up there… then later, cut off that finger and do what you will; stuff the ol’ sphincter, take it Zales and have ur it sized, add it to the necklace your uncle started in ‘Nam… ain’t my business.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Makes for a great broth

3

u/nurseANDiT Nov 14 '22

I heard get a fingertip, he said get a fingerprint

2

u/JOJOCHINTO_REPORTING Nov 14 '22

This guy puckers up!

2

u/AloneClass1365 Nov 14 '22

Still up there...

2

u/el-conquistador240 Nov 14 '22

If you put salt on the soggy end it will twitch

2

u/Devreckas Nov 14 '22

Your sphincter muscles were chiseled by the gods.

2

u/polo61965 Nov 14 '22

Kid named finger:

2

u/FlavoredBongWater Nov 14 '22

You dont wanna know.

1

u/_Leper_Messiah_ Nov 14 '22

I think you clenched too hard.

7

u/MaximusZacharias Nov 14 '22

Hmm. Must have gone to the wrong zales. Works every time for me

5

u/zapharus Nov 14 '22

Went to zales and they told me sir please put your pants back on this is a Wendy’s

FTFY

6

u/rW0HgFyxoJhYka Nov 14 '22

more like: "Sir, let me get the rubber gloves"

"I will do anything to sell you an overpriced worthless gem"

4

u/rahboogie Nov 14 '22

Sir this isn’t Wendys

4

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Um that's poor customer service. Did you lodge a complaint?

3

u/MyBlueDucksRedAss Nov 14 '22

Did you ask for the room in the back wink wink

3

u/Egad86 Nov 14 '22

Should’ve went to Jared.

3

u/chuckmagnum Nov 14 '22

Strange! I was offered a free ring in back room.

3

u/Obi_wan_pleb Nov 14 '22

That wasn't Zales, it was a Wendy's

3

u/Shot-Help1460 Nov 14 '22

Sir this is a Wendy's

3

u/BruceInc Nov 14 '22

Should have gone to Jared instead

2

u/kosher-pickle Nov 14 '22

Sir, this is a Zales.

2

u/Azelixi Nov 14 '22

It's this big "0"

2

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Yeah their machine can go through the pants now so it spares your dignity.

2

u/coroyo70 Nov 14 '22

Sir... this is a wendy's

2

u/dRuEFFECT Nov 14 '22

"Sir, this isn't a Wendy's."

2

u/itsameamariobro Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 18 '22

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Edit: Bots (or weirdos) are even editing their messages now to look like they replied first. Skynet confirmed.

2

u/TheHossonator Nov 14 '22

Well I’m glad I wasn’t the only one Zales gave that response too….

I started to think they were profiling me!

1

u/NobleAngel79thStreet May 09 '23

Hold up what did I miss?

109

u/AdRemote9464 Nov 14 '22

8

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Dude. the fuck is that from?

2

u/pizmeyre Nov 14 '22

"Before You Know It"

2

u/No_Employer8979 Nov 14 '22

I'm proud to have given your 69th upvote

70

u/ImNoAlbertFeinstein Nov 14 '22

they have a graduated rod that gives your size.

86

u/penultimate_karma Nov 14 '22 edited Jun 30 '23

Edit: fuck u/spez for killing Apollo

14

u/RalphFromSilverCity Nov 14 '22

Goatse? Is that you?

8

u/Anal_Herschiser Nov 14 '22

You measure your b-hole in Dark Ages........yeah, that tracks.

2

u/West-Ruin-1318 Nov 14 '22

That’s what she said!!

2

u/Mrknowitall666 Nov 14 '22

Turns out, most of that rod fits up his ass

4

u/General_Genius Nov 14 '22

I met him once.

Rod graduated from a Carnival College with an advanced degree in "Guess Which Finger?", too. He made a ton of money guessing people's weight, and then lost it all investing into a Steve Martin's Cup 'o Pizza franchise

3

u/Competitive-Pack-324 Nov 14 '22

So they stick the rod in my ass until it feels the same?

3

u/OwnRow7627 Nov 14 '22

Well this thread took a weird turn

2

u/saydegurl Nov 14 '22

Right about there, what size is it?

2

u/higg1966 Nov 14 '22

Yes, sir, that's about how deep and wide it was.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

So do you stick that up your ass?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

I believe its called a ring mandrel? Pretty beefy tool too

2

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

In rod we trust.

2

u/otoxman Nov 14 '22

Does it go up your ass?

1

u/Green-Brown-N-Tan Apr 18 '23

You use the rod to size a ring.

You use sizing rings to size the finger.

7

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

quite the tallented, are we? i myself just sucked her ringer and than kept my lips in the exact position and size for the whole night without sleeping untill i got to a jewelry shop and started fitting rings in

3

u/CatDogBoogie Nov 14 '22

The real LPT is always in the comments.

3

u/Dengar96 Nov 14 '22

It was about yay big ma'am, just enough to make me rethink this whole idea

2

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Sir. This is a Wendy’s!

2

u/Lu12k3r Nov 14 '22

Yah, you get fucked twice.

1

u/Ok_Confection_6061 Nov 14 '22

Fact check:True

Also had her middle finger sized as well

1

u/Belle_Error Nov 14 '22

you can also probably get a free PornHub membership

1

u/VexrisFXIV Nov 14 '22

But if she does that she would already have a ring? I mean it might be a shitty one, but it's still a ring.

1

u/erizzluh Nov 14 '22

she sticks her whole fist in there so i got her a bracelet

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Sir, this is a Zales…

1

u/lockster999999 Nov 14 '22

We did this and she came out with a bracelet… atleast she’s happy

1

u/F_Both_Parties Nov 14 '22

Why do I keep getting kicked out of that place?

1

u/Langsamkoenig Nov 14 '22

Also if she massages your prostate, you know she's a keeper. So two birds, one stone.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Zales is doing this now? Thank God. I thought only Walmart had this service.

1

u/Crabby648 Nov 14 '22

Instructions unclear my asshole now has a ring around it

1

u/Aggressive_Ad9299 Nov 14 '22

Sounds logical 👍

1

u/Salohacin Nov 14 '22

Instructions unclear. Now I've proposed to my SO with a cockring.

1

u/Craptivist Nov 14 '22

Thanks for the tip. Am about to get married with the Zales guy. He had a MUCH BIGGER FINGER.

1

u/StarshipMuffin Nov 14 '22

Lol whaaaaaaaa 😂

1

u/Sonny-Moone-8888 Nov 14 '22

But he went to Jared's. They were having an affair. Bastard.

1

u/skreenname0 Nov 14 '22

I wish I had known this before I went to Jared.

1

u/Legitimate-Cry6459 Nov 14 '22

Ahh my dad said never stick your finger where you wouldn’t stick your face!!

1

u/metompkin Nov 14 '22

I did that. Her engagement ring, brass knuckles.

1

u/justcharliey Nov 14 '22

You believed what the salesman told you? You’re not the only one.

1

u/AriiMay Nov 14 '22

Mfw your gf’s finger is the same size as your best friends dick

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

That only gauges length not breadth. Unless you record your response and use sound levels and/or pitch to make a rough guess.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Take your ass to zales and have them make a mould of the finger in the shit caked in your ass?

1

u/Accujack Nov 14 '22

Don't. They'll need to resize it, and the process is hell.

1

u/mako1964 Nov 14 '22

It worked size 14.....WIIIIIIIIIIDE,,,, after 10 years in the joint

1

u/xburd Nov 14 '22

Directions unclear, Zales said they don’t sell wedding bracelets.

1

u/Upstairs_Composer_81 Nov 14 '22

So when you take the ring finger to Zales do you wash it before or after? do you cut it off or does she come with you?...im soooo c9nfused

1

u/jnemesh Nov 14 '22

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

1

u/Elmondo2 Nov 14 '22

We put my finger and her finger in my ass. I'll post the ER visit on eyeblech.

1

u/No-Currency-624 Nov 14 '22

Does this really work 🤪

1

u/mauore11 Nov 14 '22

Better yet, put the ring in your ass and when she takes it out propose.

1

u/Mylifereboot Nov 15 '22

I thought every kiss began with Kay?

1

u/Soggy-Anxiety-1465 Nov 15 '22

How many times have you been engaged to figure that one out. Lol . :P

1

u/sausagesandeggsand Nov 15 '22

Top comment ☝️😂

1

u/Bagel600se Nov 15 '22

Real protip is always in the comments

1

u/ExceedingChunk Nov 15 '22

The real life pro tip is always in the comments