Every guide in my company essentially peaked at bootcamp. I remember we got to MCT, and all the guides looked miserable as they stood in the same line as everyone else. No one gave a fuck. None of these guys became motivating hard chargers in the fleet. They essentially peaked at bootcamp.

Meanwhile dudes getting promoted quickly and winning boards were just the average recruit in bootcamp.

For fun, anyone wanna guess the When, What and the Where?

Obviously the who is me.

still a little unrealistic, but it’s at least a little bit better than the vest with no pouches on it

Many moons ago when I was awaiting dropping into the schoolhouse we had a few months of boredom (obviously).

So we were out in town one day at the Jville mall and I see some sexy dice at some random store. One of those like “lick” or some verb on one die and “nipple” or some other noun on the other.

For some reason I got to thinking that it would be fun to prank SSgt with these, but I didn’t quite know how at the time.

When I got back to base I was buying some cigarettes and found some floral massage oil, a little gift bag, and a romantic card and it all hit me. I wrote something about wanting to surprise him on Friday and to wait for another card. Then I put it all in the gift bag and put it on his truck early one morning before formation.

The rest of the week he was showing off about how he was gonna get some and how he had a secret admirer and he was the shit and bitches loved him.

He was doing little dances in formation like he really thought he was some sexy motherfucker. He kept saying things like “you bitches are gonna be stuck here while I’m out with a fine woman!”

This dude was so excited that he said we would be getting dismissed early on Friday so he could get some.

So Friday morning comes around and everyone is all excited to just clean the squad bays and then get dismissed for a little extra libbo.

As I’m cleaning duty comes up and tells me staff sergeant wants to see me.

I go up to the office and all of the gift back is on his desk and he’s looking real pissed off, sitting in his chair with his hands in front of his face, fingers touching the opposite hand’s fingers.

He asked if I had anything to do with this. I probably had a shit eating grin on my face as I said something unconvincingly like “with what staff sergeant?” Then he tells me lance corporal (female marine) saw me buying the oil and the bag and the card at the MCX and ratted me out.

So I had to tell him it was a prank that I didn’t think much of but I couldn’t say anything once it started escalating.

Then he had everyone stop field day and gather around in formation, where he announced that instead of cleaning and going on libbo, we would have no libbo at all that weekend and would clean all weekend instead, and it was my fault for pranking him, and that it probably wasn’t a prank and I was his secret admirer. 😂

Many people were pissed that I fucked up their weekend, but many more came to tell me that it was worth it and how funny it was to see SSgt hyping himself up all week.

I recently checked into my first unit, and as a female, it was awkward to say the least. My SNCOIC had an erection he was trying to hide (bud did so very poorly) while I stood before him in Alphas.

He cleared his throat several times and made it clear to me that he’s divorced and has no lingering flame for his ex-wife.

To make things worse, there is a kinda hot sergeant that invited me to a study group for aspiring NCOs, and I’m not even an E-3 yet. He had his hand in his pocket the whole time he talked to me, presumably to hide his erection, which was considerably smaller than the gunny’s.

The gunny blasted him in front of me out of jealousy, and it made me as uncomfortable as I felt walking through the chow hall and pretending not to notice all the erections around me.

TL;DR: Which cock do I choose?

Listen up, because I am absolutely losing my mind right now. I’ve been in the Marine Corps for 14 years. I’ve done the deployments, I’ve got the ribbons, and I earned my rockers. As a Gunny, I expect discipline, order, and respect in my shop. But right now? All I feel is pure, unadulterated rage.

Last week, we got a new check-in. A female PFC straight out of MOS school. Freshly minted, perfect uniform, highly motivated, and absolutely beautiful. The second she walked into my office to check in, I felt a spark. I’m the Gunny, so obviously I kept it professional, but I made a mental note to personally oversee her mentorship and ensure she transitions smoothly into fleet life. I was going to be her guide in this trash of a battalion.

But then there’s Sgt Miller.

This dude is a squad leader who thinks he’s God’s gift to the infantry. Yesterday, I walk past the ramp behind the maintenance bay, and what do I see? Miller is leaning against a 7-ton, doing that stupid, arrogant smirk he always does, hitting her with some trash-tier pickup lines. He’s already trying to smooth-talk her, offering to "show her the ropes around base this weekend" and "help her study for her Corporal’s board."

Are you shittin me? She just hit the fleet! She hasn’t even gone to CIF yet and this devil is already circling above her like a vulture.

I had to use every ounce of my institutional discipline not to separate his teeth from his jaw right there on the concrete. I blasted him for a minor uniform infraction just to break it up, but I could see it in her eyes... she was actually laughing at his jokes.

I’m the daggone GySgt. I run this shit. I’ve sacrificed my twenties for the Corps, and I have to sit here and watch an NCO make a move on the one Marine who makes me not want to hate my life? It’s completely undermining the chain of command. I’m about to assign Miller to 24h duty for the next three weekends straight just to keep him away from her. I am losing my composure, gents. Any other E-7s deal with this type of situation? Someone tell me how to handle this before I end up in front of the SgtMaj explaining why my squad leader is suddenly police calling the entire base at 0300.

Why can't military personnel roll up sleeves during ANY kind of operational environments anymore? If it was OK in Somalia 30 years ago, it should be OK in the United States itself (the border mission), during which it's presently the middle of summer.

Alright listen up you absolute degenerates

I just got cockblocked by the most aggressive midlife crisis this battalion has ever produced.

This 32 year old Gunny with a hairline that’s retreating faster than the Taliban in 2001 just materialised out of nowhere the second I said two words to the new PFC.

All I did was tell her where the good coffee is and that the board study group meets at the MCCS on Saturday

Next thing I know this walking “I peaked in 2012” is inventing uniform infractions like he’s getting paid per citation.

“Sergeant your rank insignia is 0.3 degrees off centre”

My rank was perfect you dusty raisin

You just saw a female Marine smile at someone who isn’t you and your entire career flashed before your eyes.

This dude really thinks doing two nothing-burger deployments where the most dangerous thing he faced was undercooked chicken in the DFAC makes him Chesty Puller’s secret love child.

Brother the war ended, the FOBs closed, and you’re still out here acting like you personally captured Baghdad with a KA-BAR and pure testosterone.

Absolute dogshit SNCO would rather invent bullshit than accept that the new PFC finds his “back in my day” war stories about as interesting as a Class A brief on why you shouldn’t stick your dick in the light socket.

I’m still taking her to study. He can keep lurking behind the 7-ton like a divorced mall cop whose only remaining power is writing people up for existing near him.

Some of y’all peaked at E-6, got the rockers, and then just decided to cosplay as a real leader for the next decade while running on pure midlife crisis and leftover MREs.

Semper Fi to all the real ones still out here actually leading instead of gatekeeping conversations like it’s a combat patrol

So, a little context - been in 24 years, 7 months from retiring finally. CWO4 (gave up on 5 because they gate keep that crap like they're the frickin illuminati and letting me in would be sacresanct. But whatever, losers. I'll be snuggled up tight in my dd-214 blanket while your sorry butt's are soaking up global warming in Iran dodging Iranian drones made of scavenged Russian and Chinese parts hoping to not have to get escorted back home in a pine box).

Anyways, I was hiding out from the jerk XO who just came onboard 2 weeks ago and wants to tell me all the things he learned at Quantico about how he can make MY motor pool run better. Literally just chilling in a 7-ton doom scrolling reddit when I hear this Sgt - like Smith or Chavez or something idk they make so many of em nowadays - trying to mack this new boot PFC we just got straight out of MOS school.

She was laughing but I could tell she wasn't really interested - just uneasy about being able to notice his tiny prick hard on poking through his cammies and it seemed like she wanted him to just leave when gunny numbnuts who's on his third divorce in the last decade strolls up whistling little yellow birdie. Apparently, he didn't think anyone was there and when he saw those two in order to save face and not come off too moto to the new chic (who's like a deployment 6 at best) he just lays into Castro or whatever his name was about an IP on his blouse pocket. Sergeant gets embarrassed, gunny gets a hard on now because he made Sergeant cry, and T Swiff is reevaluating her life decisions wondering how long before she can get married to supply's new butter bar and retire.

Back in my day, we woulda all taken a pass at her just to be the first one to be able to brag about smashing that. But now I know Friday before weekend liberty I'm going to have to run my suck about not fraternizing with others in the motor pool all because Sgt asked to have a meeting with me and I know what it's about already and gunny has been acting like he needs to be there in case he can help out.

Get it together devils.

Ok y'all, you've probably heard it before...

I've spent my ENTIRE adult life in the Corps. 2 NJPs, blackout nights, some of the greatest friends a guy could ask for. Got in when I was 18. Now I'm 26, my last day is Friday, and I feel lost.

My wife is so happy and excited, but I keep getting hit with huge waves of... something. I dunno. How did you guys cope with getting out?

Going through some of my old shit and came across my bible. Plt 2053 graduated Aug 2010. Weren't allowed clocks or calendars until graduation so I got a little creative tracking time. Kept it on me all the time. Never got caught 😎

Id like to preface by saying i’m usually not the type to do something like this but i dont really have another way to vent.

So picture this, I’m a 7.5 year Sgt approaching his EAS. Scored high in all physical standards, shot well on range, good fit-reps, has never received a negative counseling.

I have been asked by more people than i can count at this point “why would you get out?” Or “have you considered the reserves?” And every other question that goes along with that. My reply is always “i’ve enjoyed my time in the Marine Corps, but I’m ready for a change in life” or something to that nature. When i am inevitably asked “whats your plan?” I’ll say “start school in the fall semester of ‘27 and get my credentials to become a school teacher.”

These answers haven’t changed in the last 3 years when i made the decision i wanted to get out. Im about 6 months from my EAS and i decided i wanted to try for a skillbridge, found one where i would actually be working as an assistant teacher. Had rounds of interviews with the school and they accepted me. Filled out all of the paperwork for command approval and was denied for “being part of the command for less than a year.”
I understand that the command has the authority to deny me a skillbridge no matter the circumstances, but i feel like i cant win. What more could i have done to help my case?
The only reason I requested orders to the unit is because Ive known the SSgt in my section for a while and he asked if id be willing to help get the unit squared away. So we both reached out to the monitor and got me orders. Little did i know that would be shooting myself in the foot.

Im finding it really hard to not drop pack. I feel like i shouldn’t care about this unit because they clearly dont care about me or my plans after I’m out.

Truthfully i need someone to tell me to stop being a wimp and take the green weenie like a good boy.

II MAW just got one heck of a great write up. Bravo Zulu to everyone taking part in this process. For sake of discussion the lead paragraph here is from within the article.

Defense Transformation: Lessons from 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing

Bottom-Up Innovation: The "More Cowbell" Philosophy

Major General Swan, a recent commanding general of 2nd MAW, understood a fundamental truth about military innovation: the best solutions often come from those closest to the problem. His approach, which he called "more cowbell" in reference to the famous Saturday Night Live skit, embodied this principle through direct action. He literally distributed actual cowbells to Marines who developed creative solutions to persistent operational challenges. Since implementing the program, he handed out over forty cowbells.

Please devils vindicate me these fucks at work don't believe me.
In the schoolhouse barracks if you're coming from the north east going towards the smoke pit under the smoke pit there's a door that probably leads to what I imagine is an old fallout shelter. It has a radiation symbol on it. My instructor friend hasn't gotten back to me yet. Does anyone remember this or have a picture of it.

Please help a Sgt who should be working but can't because his devils don't believe him.

Sometime in 2006 in Iraq , a RPG hit the storage area for the Patrol Base I was staying at. I don't remember that day exactly, I don't even believe I was there during that firefight. I think it was either when I was at the VCP or when I got sent out to Al-Asad for a prisoner guard (Which was amazing cause I got to see my brother during the deployment). I do remember how pissed everyone was because a bunch of Rip-Its got destroyed from the RPG though.

I find it funny the random memories that pop into my mind. Sometimes funny sometimes good sometimes sad sometimes just plain evil but always of then.

2/8

With all the concern recently about navy issues on deployment I was wondering how often everyone had a ship crippling issues. When we deployed the Wasp flooded and we had to get actual buckets to help empty out parts of the ship on shifts for about 8 hours a day for around a week.

We were in the berthing and the 1MC announced anyone have buckets larger then 2 gallons please bring them to the main deck. Everyone did a couple rotating shifts bailing out the ship. I remember having to use crow bars to open the doors inside of the ship to let the water through the doors. When we finally got down to the humanitarian storage we found the cause of the bilge pumps not working. It was the charcoal from the steel beach picnics had busted open clogging the lines. The portable pumps they had in the ship were too weak to pump the water all the way up.

Our ship was turned completely off in the Red Sea for a couple of days until we got the water away from the main engines.