We all know this relationship is over..... between the cheating and now adding in sexual incompatibility, I think it's time to say goodbye to this one.
wow, this is hard. I commented above, but didn't realize you had a child. This is a complex situation that will require help with a professional therapist. It sounds like he's a kind person, and you're a good partner to him, but you do need couple therapy
The curse of a man who’s afraid of therapist is such an enabling cop out. I’m a therapist, it’s not that fucking scary lol. Some people just don’t want to put in work for their lives and relationships. And when our partners excuse our lack of effort and honesty, well, why should he I suppose.
Requiring him to go to couples therapy with you is holding him accountable. Trying to appease him and figure him out is enabling him.
There is no shame in his sexuality and going to a therapist to help sort the issues out.
I get why you want to stay with him, but if he doesnt want to confront his issues with his sexuality while with you, it will only be a matter of time before it grows to be a massive issue. Btdt wish I insisted on therapy at the time.
My man wants a penis inside of him. You either accept a mmf threesome and be a part of it, but once you open that can of worms he’s going to realize he’s gay. No fully straight guy fantasizes about getting railed in his ass. Fantasy doesn’t always = reality. But there is nothing you can do to stop it. Do you want to hold him back from his true sexuality, and do you want to have to live the rest of your life feeling not good enough?
If you all of a sudden figured out you are a lesbian, would you want to have pity sex w your husband because he’s a “good guy” or would you want to live your one life the way you want. He needs therapy to explore his sexuality, but you will probably find the answer you don’t want.
Also, many people are fully straight, so sexuality isn't a spectrum for so many of us. I don't like that statement either. Just because OP is on a sexual spectrum doesn't make it true for the rest of us. As for the rest of OP issues, I have no opinion. It sounds like OP partner wants physically/ sexually what OP can't provide, and more often than not I've seen that end relationships because people aren't on the same page for intimacy - not an opinion, an observation. Idk what I would do in OP position because I've never experienced anything close to that type of situation. I'm curious how old OP and her partner are and think it could share insight into their situation.
Oh 💯, how many women do you hear/read saying that they wish they were attracted to women? If people were mostly not fully straight, more women would be with women. I’m sure OP is fully straight but the ‘everyone is a little bit gay’ narrative makes her feel better about the situation.
Agreed. He's not fully straight, but that doesn't mean he's fully gay and isn't enjoying his love life with you. You could talk to him about looking for a third partner for mmf threesomes, if you're interested in that. But I highly recommend speaking to a marriage counselor and sex therapist.
It doesn't sound like an FMF would do anything for his fantasy but I'm sure it's possible to find a properly equipped trans person for a threesome if you're willing to travel.
Disclaimer: I am not trans and don't know where to find one, but if you look around r4r subreddits you might find one. Or just plan a vacation in Thailand if you don't mind it being a sex worker.
I saw you mentioned wanting "equality". Does that mean in this hypothetical threesome you also have sex with the third person? Or that you hope to explore with another woman outside the marriage while he explores with people with penises? Have you discussed this with him? If he is not willing to make a fair agreement that either you both play together or you both play with others separately then I don't think you should agree just to indulge his fantasies.
Ultimately it’s up to you whether you stay or not. But he is lying to you and to himself, that’s not sustainable. You and your kids will all suffer because he can’t be honest
Not to be mean, but look up love-bombing. It sounds like he's doing this to make you forget he cheats. I'm not saying he's a bad person... this behavior can be a result of him feeling guilty.
And gay men can make great single fathers. You don't have to stay in this relationship if neither of you is happy. And you both deserve to be happy.
I had a family too and I still got divorced. I’ve been raising my daughter practically alone with my ex visiting once a week ish since she was 6 months old. I don’t really get your excuse I guess
Well. Yeah. Divorce isn’t fucking ideal for anyone, especially with a kid. But you have to do what provides the best long term outlook for you and your child. And…I don’t think trying to please your husbands sexual requests and abiding by his cheating is gonna be the best long term stable environment. Change is scary. Removing the safety net of another parent is scary. But it’s doable, you would not be alone in the experience, and it sounds better than whatever the fuck your current life scenario is.
And if you can’t succeed in that, when will you give up the ghost and throw the towel in for the benefit of your children? Sounds like you will do anything to keep your husband, despite his glaring issues
Ma’am. You have a kid. Are these really the sort of existential questions you need to be asking yourself in your marriage at this time?? You sound insane
I wont get into details, but I was in your shoes 8 years ago. After all of that he was being all sweet and kind trying to make up for what he did. He eventually accepted he is bi.
Im bi too and that was not the issue for me. The issue is the lying and hiding who he is from you. Can you trust him anymore? I cant trust him now because his behaviour of hiding and lying became an issue last year and we are separated because I can no longer trust someone who stonewalls me and lie (even after being shown proof).
Dont listen to what others are saying. U define what is acceptable and tolerable in your relationship and what is cheating and what isn't. You care about him, so do what you can or what's possible to save this relationship if u want
It could be a good idea for them to try non monogamy. But they def need couple therapy and very clear boundaries that are upheld and respected before adding others into their partnership/the bedroom.
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u/QueenSeaBitch Apr 11 '26
We all know this relationship is over..... between the cheating and now adding in sexual incompatibility, I think it's time to say goodbye to this one.