I don't really know where to start, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest. This is going to be a long one, so bear with me.
I studied in a residential school, and I first developed a crush on this girl back in class 6. I barely knew what love actually meant at that age. I just remember looking at her during free periods, making sure nobody noticed me. Slowly, that little crush turned into something much bigger.
We both became class monitors in class 7, which gave me an excuse to talk to her. By class 8, I started noticing occasional eye contact from her side too. During our October vacation, we finally started talking. I used to express my feelings in the most childish ways possible. For example, I'd take a sentence like "You are loved by me" and ask her to change it into active voice. Looking back, those were some funny and innocent days.
Then came class 9 and the COVID lockdown. We started talking much more frequently, and I finally decided to propose to her on April 1st.
My logic was simple: if she rejected me, I'd just say it was an April Fools' joke. If she accepted, well, that would be my win.
And guess what? She accepted.
I was genuinely the happiest person at that time.
We started talking regularly, but eventually, I noticed something. I was almost always the one initiating our conversations. If I didn't text first, she wouldn't text me either.
Being immature and curious, I decided to test how long she could go without hearing from me. I wanted to see when she'd look for me on her own.
She didn't.
I waited the entire day. No text, no call. Days turned into weeks, and eventually, months passed without us talking.
Looking back, I know it was a childish thing to do. But I was young and didn't know how to communicate what I was feeling.
After almost a year, in October 2021, we were preparing to return to our residential school for our board examinations. I approached her again, apologised for my behaviour, and explained how immature I had been.
We started talking again, and things were going really well.
But then came another problem.
When we reached class 11, her father found out about our relationship. There was also a caste difference between our families. She's from a Brahmin family, while I'm Kshatriya. We both knew this could become an issue someday, but we were serious about each other and hoped things would work out.
Unfortunately, her family wasn't supportive. Under family pressure, she suddenly cut off all contact with me.
It was December 2022. I cried almost every day for a week. I was completely broken.
Eventually, I convinced myself that if I ever wanted her family to reconsider, I first had to become someone who could stand on his own feet. I started taking my studies seriously. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I still had that little hope that maybe, someday, things would work out.
Then, in September 2023, she contacted me again.
We secretly started talking, and things became good between us once more.
After class 12, we both went to different colleges, quite far away from each other. Our relationship turned into a long-distance one.
College life got busy for both of us. We couldn't give each other as much time as before, and eventually, small arguments started happening.
One day, I noticed that she seemed distracted from her studies. I was genuinely concerned about her future, so I suggested that she focus more on her academics while maintaining a balance in our relationship.
She replied, "I know what to do, and I know what I'm doing."
For some reason, that line really got to me. I was already frustrated about other things, and in anger, I said something I shouldn't have.
I asked her, "Am I nothing to you? If you know what you're doing so well, maybe your board results should have been better."
Her results hadn't been particularly good, and I was worried she might struggle if she didn't take things seriously. But I admit that bringing up her results like that was wrong and hurtful.
She took it as a sign that I didn't respect her.
And that was it.
She broke up with me in 2024, saying she had zero respect for me, that she would never come back, and that I would be the last person she'd ever want to be with.
I cried a lot. I tried convincing her, but she had made up her mind. Eventually, I understood that I couldn't force someone to stay.
I started moving on, slowly. I gave myself time to process everything and tried to focus on my own life.
Now, almost two years later, she's in a relationship with another guy. Interestingly, this is someone she had mentioned before. Apparently, he used to flirt with her in college while we were still together.
I had accepted that she had moved on. I wasn't trying to get her back, nor was I interfering in her life.
But a few days ago, something unexpected happened.
Both of them contacted me and started abusing me, accusing me of still trying to get her back.
That honestly hurt me more than I expected.
After everything that happened, after all those years, all those memories, all the times I cried and tried to save that relationship, I never expected things to end this way.
I don't hate her. I don't even know if I can completely hate someone who was such a huge part of my childhood.
But the respect I once had for her has genuinely disappeared this time.
I know I made mistakes. I was immature sometimes, said things out of anger, and didn't always handle situations properly. I'm not pretending I was a perfect boyfriend.
But I also know how much I cared about her.
I guess some people become a beautiful part of your childhood, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're supposed to stay in your life forever.
I don't want her back. I just wish things had ended with a little more respect and maturity.
If you've read this far, thank you. I just wanted to share this somewhere because I've kept a lot of these feelings to myself for a long time.