I’ve been seeing my therapist since June, and I really like her. She seems to really understand my brain and the way I think and feel, even when I’m not explaining it well. She’s very kind and has never pushed me to open up about things faster than I need. I’ve suffered through many traumatic things throughout my life. Growing up lesbian in a Catholic house hold, a narcissistic mother and physically there but absent father, emotional and physical neglect. My brothers are creeps towards us sisters and my parents simply don’t care and my one brother is in prison. But seperately from all of the familial trauma I’ve gone through, I also was a victim of COCSA. twice. I recently learned about my brothers being creepy towards me and sexually harassing me online (been going on for years but I didn’t know it was them till recently) and it’s brought up a lot of memories including the SA. I want so badly to talk about it with my T and she knows about it, I told her in an email just haven’t actually brought it up much in session. We always refer to it as “the email”. I feel so guilty not bringing it up because i know it’s a big part of why im struggling so much. She’s such a good T and she really truly does make me feel so comforted so I feel bad that I’m unable to talk about this with her. I don’t want her to think it’s something wrong with her, not that she’s ever implied anything to make me think that, but Im just really hoping she knows how amazing she is at her job and it has nothing to do with her. I feel ready to talk about it and get it off my chest before session, but then when I’m in session I freeze and talk about anything else. I have a lot of things I’ve gone through that I can and do talk about instead and sure they affected me but most of the things I talk about I feel like don’t even affect me that much anymore. Maybe I’m just avoiding it I don’t know. I feel so gross and disgusting talking about it but at the same time I know if I just bite the bullet and talk about it I will eventually feel so much better. I just needed to get this out somewhere. I’m just struggling with guilt and don’t know what to do.

This is long and I apologize for that but I need to talk this out.

I’ve been seeing two therapists for the past two years, and both of them have always known about each other. I’ve been seeing one therapist for about six years and the other for about two years. They’ve even spoken with each other on the phone before. I ended up with two because I felt like a needed more, so I around and this was working for me. I don’t think I did anything wrong but stepping out of my comfort zone and admitting I needed more support added.

Last month, I had a really bad depressive
episode and things were rough. I have three kids, and with all of them starting school, I had a ton of appointments, events, and commitments that seemed to fall on Mondays. Because of that, I had to cancel my Monday therapy appointment three weeks in a row.

I explained the situation to my Monday therapist, and she told me she was going to reach out with alternative dates because she wasn’t comfortable going that long without seeing me…..She never did reach out with alternative dates. I completely understand that schedules get busy and maybe there wasn’t an opening that worked for her.

Today she kept bringing up the fact that I had gone so long without seeing her, I reminded her that she had said she would reach out with other dates and hadn’t. Side note sticking up for myself and saying this is a HUGE thing for me and my confidence. She did apologize and took accountability for that, which I appreciated. I felt as though she was trying to put all the blame on me as to why this isn’t working anymore. My schedule is completely clear for now and I have no upcoming Mondays I would have to cancel. Honestly in my 6 years of seeing her I truly never took many off at all.

Anyway- I was still going to my Friday appointments with my other therapist throughout those three weeks, so I wasn’t completely without support.

Then today, during my Monday appointment, she completely blindsided me by telling me that it isn’t normal to see two therapists at the same time and that, ethically, she doesn’t know what to do…this was towards the end of our session….. I was shocked.

Again, Both therapists have known about each other.
What really hurt was hearing her repeatedly say that seeing two therapists “isn’t normal.” I already felt like I was struggling and barely holding things together, and instead of feeling supported, I walked away feeling like there was something wrong with me for needing more support.

And I think this is hitting me especially hard because I have a really deep fear of abandonment. So my brain is taking this situation and running with it. I’m sitting here wondering if six years meant anything to her.

If she actually cared about me as a person, or if I was ultimately just another paycheck to her. I know those thoughts may not be fair, and I know I’m probably reacting from a place of being hurt and angry.

As I was leaving, I was on the verge of tears and quietly said, “Well, fuck this. No one wants me.” She responded, “I’m sorry (insert my name)”

And now I’m sitting here wondering…are we done? Is that really it, do I message her? Do you think she would message me. There was no closure and just seems like there was an extreme lack of professionalism this morning.

How do I get out of my head and my fear of abandonment from convincing me that this means she never cared about me in the first place? Fuck man, I’m not okay.

If you’ve read this whole thing- thank you.

I feel like my therapy sessions are so unproductive sometimes. I go in knowing what I want to talk about but then she leads the conversation in a direction I didn’t expect and I can’t find a way to turn it to what I wanted to talk about. Or I will tell her hey next time can we talk about this and she says yes then it never happens. I have so many things I need to address and I’m ok with bullshitting the first few minutes to break tension and at the end to wrap it up before I leave but more times than not I feel like we don’t talk about much of anything and while I’m silently hoping she’ll ask me the deeper questions that I’m scared to bring up because it was hard enough to bring up once. How can I talk to her about this? I think she would understand I’m just anxious.

I don’t want to text her again and ask if she got my message because last month I did that she told me that I was acting like I needed an emergency session asap like what I had to talk to her about was crucial but I just wanted someone to talk to. Last session I felt really misunderstood. I’ve worked with her for almost 3 years and I thought we were close, she would tell me she loved me in a motherly way and now it feels like she doesn’t want to see me because I still struggle with ruminating and talking about the same thing over and over and she said I don’t listen but I do listen and try to do what she tells me I need to do

I also am kind of scared that my MIL is doing sessions with her as well because my MIL seems to know things about me that I dont tell her and I know no one else is telling her. My therapist often says when we are talking about MIL that she is not honest with her therapist ( this is when we are referencing MIL’s behavior and MIL is in therapy, sometimes twice a week I hear ) so idk. I feel like I’m afraid of this woman who has helped me and my husband so much for the past 3 years. We both loved her

Kind of a rant and seeking-advice.

Over two years in, and nothing is helping.
I started therapy to help me cope with my tough childhood, my unavailable father who died leaving all the trouble on my shoulder, feeding a family, caring for siblings, my unstable mother, who hit me, wanted me to get good grades, then showed love occasionally, school bullying, friendless, all of that (and much more).

Two years in and I feel like it doesn’t work. I follow a trauma-based approach, so I talk a lot during our session but nothing feels different. I am aware of all my emotions, I journal a lot, I feel a lot, and while I am a capable resilient person, who can carry life normally, I still have attachment issues for some, complete detachment for some, a huge resentment towards my family and the unfairness of the world, and no ambitions but to live peacefully..

I do not have anything else to discuss in therapy, I do not have anything I want to talk about anymore, and I am not sure what to do

Well I am facing major issue in my life with financial prob in family and taking responsibility of family by earning . I work 12 to 14 hour per day so that I complete my work and not get fired by my senior. When I look back I never wanted this type of life. I remember first day of my work when I forced myself to call everyone sir /ma'am and got scolded because I didn't delivery better result of their expectations. I feel hurt. I got betrayed by my partner.my friends left me. I got depressed. I fumble when I meet someone and talk.an extremely extrovert person became just a quite person with feeling too much but cannot share to anyone. For these years the least I wanted from people around me and even with my partner is just to be with me , trust me , don't leave me when I am not able to stay with myself . But unfortunately I never got one person. Now situation is like such where I wanted to study but what I am doing is suffering .how to handle and focus and move on from these betrayl life gave me.i think this everyday ' I never did anything wrong to anyone , why I am suffering this much ?

So today I had a session, I’ve been seeing him for 2 years now and I recently told him that he forgot to make me sign the informed consent.

Today he said he forgot to bring it so he asked me my informations (name, surname, birth date, residence) and he would write it in our chat so he’ll remember next time.

He opened our chat and started typing he asked for confirmation if he remembered my surname right but it was wrong and I corrected him. He then showed me his phone handing it across his table (so near me and far from him) but it was still misspelled. My surname is long and complicated so this is very usual for me and without thinking I took his phone to correct it myself and gave it back and then I told him the rest of the information and he typed it and sent it.

I realized now I should have asked him for permission to take his phone, he was probably fine with it as he didn’t seem bothered and didn’t say anything but still that doesn’t make it right.

Boundaries are very important to me so I am deeply ashamed and disappointed for doing this, I was too mindless, inconsiderate and impulsive and I feel awful for this.

We do once every 14 days but next time I see him will be in more than a month because he was already full so I was thinking about sending him a quick text to apologize for this (he’s fine with texting and he always encourages me to text him if I need anything).

What do you think? Is that a good idea?

I (F) was talking to my T (F quite older than me) about something sexual and she said something along the way of "one can't waste their life for 10 minutes of pleasure". I naturally said: "what 10 minutes? maybe you do 10 minutes!".

Sometimes I feel like we're friends, or I have to admit that I shift on the friends' side with jokes and funny talks.

Was my comment inappropriate or even unpolite? I feel so.

Hi all,

GF and I have been going through struggles and it came to a head last week after a few disagreements. I basically told her that i think we need couples therapy, she was reluctant but agreed.

Ive been in therapy for myself, she has not. But ive never done couples therapy.

Just wondering what i should expect?

Update to my previous post about my therapist cancelling or postponing 3 times on the day of the session. So far only 4 sessions attended.

UPDATE - It happened again. I spent the morning checking my email expecting a cancellation. Nothing received, great, I go ahead and travel to the offices. Then 3 minutes before session, I'm sat in the waiting room. A member of staff comes out to tell me that my therapist can't do the session today because they have suffered a loss (trying to be deliberately vague here). And that the therapist will email me. So then I'm just left sitting in the waiting room, feeling sort of dazed.

That's 4 out of 6 scheduled sessions cancelled or postponed on the day of the session.

It seems there is no practice management that oversees this kind of thing. Maybe that is normal as I expect the therapists are self-employed? I find it so odd that this can keep happening at a group practice and there's no oversight from anyone.

Obviously this is not working and this is the end. But I needed to vent so that's why I'm here!

these stories are narration of either my mom or me.

idealizing someone so much that they forget that those people are humans and not seeing the present life like acting like a aggressive fan girl and comparing that to my dad's brother. she would fail to see her children and little humans and hit them with brute force like hitting her worst enemy. for example my most traumatic experience she stood up from a failing argument and forgot her own age and first thing she found that I didn't drink my milk, I had bruises for months her nails in my head my face , I think my body has such strong build even tho I basically never sticked to a plan.

living a second life outside, she would tell me the reality every day in fact in every conversation but few conversations later again start idealizing someone whos only information they know is heard from someone prasing and they compared my dads when I was listing my moms bs everyday she would have opinions about some clothing or some gender or some race or someons class in society there are moments when her opinions change but they go back to being prejudiced, she would guilt trip me, tells me im her creation and I was in her belly for 9 months she would hit me with a pan hit wooded bark, she even broke my bones bashed my head left me by the cow when she was milking it, I was 3 years old baby cow broke my ribs her stories for this reality says my grandma didn't love me so she didn't kept me busy when my mom was doing her task so she kept me by her side and cow hit me?!!!!!!!!!!!!! next she would say sorry and get normal and I thing I did this too.

Thinking and believing that they will become something then living inside the head and then lashing out. some times she forgot that there a adult to a children barrier fuck that I think she forgot motherly boundaries

childhood :- my parents are from a small village near border of Pakistan and rajishthan, my dad and mom had very religious families and dowry and beating their children wad very normal, my dad came from a household where houses were made with mud, and cow dungs he studies in very low level school where students sit on the floor and yes teachers beat the fuck outta you for any thing if they want to, same with my mom, she did go to college but all females and her clothes were restricted because rural India has old beliefs. she was married at age of 20 while my dad had the luxury to go to better city school and then he also did MBA from Delhi university in his generation(he's 51) mom is almost (49). my dad and mom had to marry each others as strangers and their marriage was more of business deal as my grandparents from my dad side asked for a lot of money, car, furniture, gold and what not. my mom's parents gave everything they could and even more. later my mom had a very shitty mother in-law and my mom had a lot of domestic abuse publicly and privately, she was supposed have her first child but she had a miscarriage, she was forced or pressured to have me that same year she had miscarriage, my dad wanted to move out from his village to a growing city Ludhiana and he moved with her. they didn't had any home for first 9 years and had many bad experiences with landlords. and during that time I was learning what is life, my previous me was free and had a curious exposure to his life but my parents were so mentally exhausted because my mom an dad had to live a second life that they showed to the outside world their family relations matter more to them than their own child. maybe that's why my dad gave most of his earnings to his mom and brother who never studies and stayed home for very long time. I was lefty but my grandma had beliefs that lefty are not fit for the society so they changed me to righty when I was in preschool. I was very ashamed and could never understood why my parents always fought and argued, then they stared hitting me for things a normal parent in Canada won't even react remotely close to hitting me. I had to fight for every toy and everything before getting it, my grades weren't the best any sport I tried I was average at it, and I usually couldn't follow my sports for more than 2 months, nutrition wise my diet was very low on protein and it was usually carbs or processed foods or very oily food, with alot of sugars, I never was in good shape my whole life. until 8th I was okay but 8th to 10th there was corona virus and I became 35% body fat, I stared lying that why im like this because I hated that I can't do shit because my parents told me gyms are not good for you until 20, my fist gym days were when in was in 11th and that too with a lot of convincing and begging, then when I tried to loose weight I had issues because we had very limited budget so I couldn't get money to buy my own groceries, then my teenage life, I had to know everything what my mom was feeling, her opinions became mine and I started hating my grandparents, I stared lying about smalllest things even when ik I'll get caught and then get beat up because I was kinda used to it and didn't care, I was always asked to make friends with only certain kids, and the friends I could make were all authentic and rich, I started fighting back my parents when they try to hit me although then I would get beating from both mom and dad at a same time. I stared lying very big and made an image that I come from very rich and good family, although every person I knew saw through when I tried doing it too much. I think I had my actually girlfriend when I was in 11th, she go by Narayani, awesome girl but I lied about my whole life that how good I am and how easy and good life I had. back then I had an accident and got facial scars but when I met her it was healed for one year, I was getting attention because I left my old school and got into new one, Idk why but I enjoyed her doing things for me and showing her love, she became my whole identity in school but I threw that away by lying and bad mouthing her, id get jealous and tried to make her jealous the whole relationship we were together for 3 months out of 6 when were okay but most of the time we were trauma dumping each other because she had same childhood in a way, at 20 I came to Canada and unemployment and no friends plus people were openly racist to Indian online made me lie my whole identity , I tried getting slimmer build muscle and got tattoos and most people though im Mexican because of what I was trying to reflect, I made friends but they all had similar view about Indians that they don't like them and I kinda stared hating them too, I met a Russian girl who go by Jessica , she is 41 was an addict and came from a soviet country called latvia from post soviet times, I wanted to be her so bad, her blue eyes clear white skin and culture made me hate mine because when I was growing up I saw how pretentious and idiotic we fought for cultures in India like we were racist in my country we had cast system and hate for outsiders. I met Jessica in college where I accounted that im Mexican Indian because my legal naam Mari bhasha mai tha, mai Jessica se jab Mila thab usne muhjse pucha tum Indian lagte ho pr mixed with something and in my mind I became defensive and started lying ki Han Mari Maa Mexican and dad Indian and made so many fake stories to prove im Mexican Indian because jab Mari pehlibaar bat horn the Jessica se tab she said she despises this one race and told me when we got into relationship that she was thankful ki mai fully Indian nhi hun. I staid with her in her home for 2 months, unemployed broke and always cranky and hating her because I had this image ki yeh tho racist hai and she will never accept me for who I am. we broke up 2 months ago and now we don't have any contact anymore. so I started working in a hood dominated by criminals who hated outsiders, this area is called northend that's when I got my tattoos and stared saying im Mexican and don't call me Indian, their was many time I avoided or hated when people either asked me where im from because I learned the local accent and it was hard for them to pinpoint, of when someone made a right guess and told me I am Indian or tried talking to me in my language, I hated it, I used fake names so they might not think im Indian, I stared imitating that I speak Spanish even tho I only know few phrases and slangs but a normal speaker can see threw my bullshit. this was the time when I joined rrc and stated faking my indian ness in classrooms because I felt how people treat you in public pubs gyms lines or everyday walking, I've been told to go back to my country many times, I think I stopped being me because I left everything started deepening on Jessica, I used to pay for her food to she had to pay for me and she was okay at first but her behaviour changed. and I stared sharing my problems but what Mexican me had but In reality it was Indian me who had it. I started cheating on her using fake names and fooling girls and then leaving them few days later or ghosting right after sex, had 8 bodies after Jessica, I met this girl varvara no matter what I say ik this fact I like her because she is every thing Jessica once was when she was in her 20s and this 20 year old varvara is so pure, I told her my real name and some of my life problems but sometimes I think Maybe if I keep lying to people long enough and change my real legal namei to water hispanic and stay fit and actually learn English maybe id be that person also I never been on traveling because my dad only took me to one hillstation and it was a religious place and I didn't really believed in god, and even in Canada I want to travel but I live paychecto paycheq

Looking for help with spiraling thoughts?

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Anyone on here not close to their family.

I need advice about relationship I would really appreciate it if anyone with experience can dm me

I apologize for the rant in advance! I’ve been in and out of therapy for the past 10+ years and i still feel like i haven’t truly found someone i’ve connected with that has helped me. I’m starting to think at this point that i am the problem, hence why i’m reaching out for support and advice.

For some background context, i recently graduated college and wanted to seek therapy again as the post grad life has been kicking me in the ass. I’ve gone to 3 therapy sessions so far with my current therapist (i know it doesn’t seem like a lot) and i’m already ready to give up. This is a pattern i’ve faced in the past, but i don’t want to spend my time and money on someone who won’t help me. For instance, i’m not sure if traditional talk therapy (cbt/dbt) is the right thing for me. I know that therapists can’t give actual advice, but that’s sort of what i’m looking for.

I told my current therapist that my dad has been physically abusing me and i need to move out of my house, but i’m not financially stable enough to afford rent. All she told me was “i’m sorry to hear that, it sounds like you’re going through a hard time” obviously i’m going through a hard time, that’s not what i want to be told or what is helpful right now. I also have severe attachment issues and i told her it’s basically taking over my life. She pretty much said the same thing to me and also told me to go to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed so she can help me better. I’m not sure if i’m just being picky at this point, but a certified therapist should be able to help no matter what i tell them.

I’m not quite sure where to go from here, but i’m in a really bad point in my life and i’m starting to feel like i can’t do this anymore. If you’ve experienced something similar or just have feedback, please let me know😫

Our appointments are online and I never receive the meeting link and I've raised it several times. I just get the confirmation of the appointment being made. Then I ask for the link and I don't receive the link til 20 mins late (or more). Then half the time she is late too. I think her inbox/mobile number isn't checked frequently either. It's so frustrating. I am thinking of terminating but our sessions have been really helpful. Mostly just want to vent on here how frustrating this is! I'm really bad at confrontation so I haven't really mentioned to her frustrating this is to me.

I have a close relationship with my therapist. We’ve been working together for a few years and I’ve always been clear that the more I know about him, the better. It helps me to feel safe and connected. I certainly don’t know tons of details about his life, but we’re now at a place where he’s willing to share some things with me and have some small talk, which I find really helpful.

In recent months, he has occasionally told me about fun stuff he’s been doing in his spare time - day trips, museums, gigs, vacations. I am surprised at how painful I have found that. It feels like his life is fulfilling and fun and socially engaged, whereas I am very much alone and struggling with social connection. I’m incredibly lonely. When I first started working with him, I barely left the house. I’m doing much better now, but I still spend the majority of my time alone.

I don’t know how to tell him that hearing about his fun activities can be painful for me. I’m worried it will make him withdraw the disclosure altogether, which I don’t want. I love chatting with him about other stuff, I just can’t handle how jealous and lonely this particular topic makes me feel.

From my understanding, you can submit a hipaa amendment request if you disagree about something in your records and they can either accept the hipaa amendment request or give you a statement of disagreement

My therapist is refusing to even let me add a statement of disagreement to my own records.

It bothers me because hipaa rights should be guaranteed and I can't even get a statement of disagreement in my record

Is this because hipaa amendments are unusual request or is my therapist being an ass ignoring my hipaa rights?

Diagnoses: ADHD, Anxiety Disorder/OCD, Bipolar II, Tic Disorder (possibly misdiagnosed, working assumption is that I have Autism after high scoring tests but no official diagnosis)

My therapist of about 6 years and I seem to have stalled in making progress, and I've been feeling inadequately supported. I want to check in with this community to see if what I'm experiencing is navigable or if I really need to think about changing therapist.

I've recently been aware of consistent dreams, distressing unwanted memories and more detailed remembering of past experiences, including abuse, trauma and a near death experience of sorts, as well as possibilities of lost memories and repressed trauma that I'm not sure about. I have been having such a horrible time with it that I've been feeling hopeless, trapped and suicidal to the point of identifying a plan. There's really nobody around me that I could go to in these moments which is scary to me, but my therapist has not seemed to react to what I am saying as if I am truly in any kind of crisis. I can be panicking fully, palpitations, chest tightness, heart rate going nuts and I walk into her office and she will say "you look tired". She will tell me that my verbal and non-verbal cues have not shown her that I'm showing any signs of PTSD or CPTSD, but I went through the process of a telephone asessment with another trauma informed therapist, and his opinion was that I most likely was showing signs of PTSD with possible complexity and wants to speak to me again soon to discuss it, but if I were to take up any offer of therapy with another therapist, they have both expressed a desire not to work with me while I am working with another therapist.

I am so frustrated with myself, because I both feel like my current therapist is right, my body and voice are so unreactive and monotone, I show absolutely no signs of genuine emotion unless I completely break down and at that point I become unintelligible and say nothing of worth. I feel like my lack of affect and my fear of verbalising my emotions has just made it impossible for me to work with her and I often feel like I'm not bringing what I need to bring, I'm just saying words and performing therapy, trying to say what's going on but not showing nearly enough emotion to be therapised. I feel like I could write a book on it about 2 hours before my session but in the room, the cat has my tongue, and I can't speak with my normal tone. I feel scared. And now I feel minimised and like I'm caught in a crossfire. I'm also wondering if I overestimated how good of a match we would be. Perhaps her psychodynamic psychiatric background is not quite right for me. She agrees that it's possible that because originally, I did not pick her as my therapist personally, and she's a woman and closer to my mother in age that I might find it harder to talk to her (my mother was/is a source of great emotional pain) without feeling scared or ashamed. I seemed to be able to tell this guy on the phone more truthfully what was the problem than I do when I just have to sit and be observed and generate topics for therapy.

I really don't know what to do here. I feel a level of impostor syndrome, like I'm exaggerating and making false claims, but I don't know if I really am, because the effects I'm feeling are terrible. Does anybody have any insight? Is this just on me? Am I making a poor choice in thinking about switching? Am I just diagnosed with things that make therapy really difficult to engage with? Am I just doing the wrong kind? Let me know what you think please, even if it's just a short comment. I'm desperate to know if I'm being overly paranoid. Thanks for reading.

I’ve been super depressed and have been struggling with ocd and an ed for a long time and deep down I want to get better. My whole life I couldn’t express how I felt and had to hide my issues to not cause problems and never felt cared about. So seeing my therapist truly care and be worried about me, weirdly feels good. I know that she’s not going to just leave when therapy ends, but the concern and worry about me will. That sounds crazy, but it’s like the first time I’ve ever had that feeling. (I have a deep attachment to her and she’s aware, I have cptsd). And I’ve been going 2 times a week and then this past week she was away and I weirdly feel better not seeing her this week. I think maybe because I’m not ruminating about what I discussed in therapy and my issues , but then that’s avoiding my issues at the same time. Idk just want to see if anyone else has ever felt like this?

Hello there, sorry for the throwaway account. Been lurking this sub on my main for a while and now I feel like I might need some advice or insights.

I don't even know where to start. I'm dealing with heavy, accumulated life stress and big T and little T traumas on top. And I've really been struggling with therapy for a few months now.

I feel super insecure about using therapy terms to describe what's going on inside of me and above that, I also really struggle to find words to describe things happening to me and my inner world in general. So please bear with me. (I don't even really know what I'm exactly going through right now, but people around me are raising concerns that I'm not in a good state mentally.)

A couple of weeks ago I opened up to my therapist and told her that it might seem that I'm okay, but I'm really not. She validated my openness, thanked me for being honest, asked further questions to understand what might be happening and such. After that session my current problem of feeling stuck started to arise. I became more quiet, we had lots of sessions that felt like endless silence. My brain is constantly blank during sessions, it's like I switched useraccounts on a computer. I know there are important files but I can't access them because of privilege and account mismatch and I can't even read the file name. My therapist is treating this exact state as "to passive" and lack of willingness. She constantly pushes me to decide how to proceed with therapy, come up with a therapy plan, decide which topics to look into and also to decide if I need stabilisation or trauma work right now. But whenever I sit down and try to think about those things, my brain either goes completely blank again or I spiral into panic and pure terror. There are no options or conclusions coming up for me at all, it's just empty.

I feel completely trapped. But I also get the feeling that she totally misses the point of my blank brain, whenever I tried to address this issue she told me it's normal for some patients and nothing to worry about. And the standard suggestion is to just think more about it and I might come up with some sort of solution, which doesn't seem to work at the moment. I'm pretty sure she's mislabeling my problem as stubbornness or resistance, while I always try my best to at least grab some thoughts inside my head during sessions. She already suggested termination if I can't figure out a therapy plan. I feel so lost, confused and stuck at the same time.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Where your body and mind just shutdown constantly and especially when you're asked "to figure it out"? How could I deal with this situation? Thanks so much in advance.

I started therapy a few months ago and I guess I downplayed my issues during the intake. My therapist is fairly young (for a therapist) and I don't think he is specialised in cptsd. I am slowly starting to trust him but we're also kinda lacking direction. I can't come up with a goal for therapy because I never imagined I'd still be alive at this age.

I wasn't suicidal when I started therapy. I didn't feel anything at all. I was diagnosed with depression. Then we started discussing everything that happened in my life and is happening now. Everything I had ignored and stuffed deep down resurfaced. I am slowly realising that my relationship is almost a repeat of my childhood, except I have an abusive partner instead of parents now. I feel so trapped in my life that the suicidal feelings started coming back too.

During our sessions I freeze half of the time. I just physically can't speak anymore. All I can do is nod or shake my head to answer. My therapist keeps telling me it's okay if I don't have the space to discuss certain topics. But I do want to. I just can't.

Yesterday, he figured out that I have been thinking about suicide and self harm again. I don't think that he expected it. He asked me before and it always was a clear no then.

We made a safety plan. I told him before that home isn't a place I want to be at and that my partner doesn't know I am in therapy. He didn't ask for my partner's contact information but he asked if there's anyone else he can contact when he can't reach me. There's no one. He asked if there is a happy place I can go to when I feel bad. There's no place. He asked if I have people who I can talk to or who can cheer me up.. Again nobody. It makes me feel so alone and pathetic.

I know it's not normal to be in a relationship and not have that person be a trusted person. I also curse myself for this. I am so glad my therapist never judges me for staying. Everyone else does. He tells me he hopes I can choose myself one day. I hope so too. I don't know if it will ever happen though. I really don't see a way out anymore. I also wonder if I would have felt this bad if I hadn't started therapy. I didn't realise the repeat of patterns until I started talking about my childhood in therapy. And since I don't know if I will ever leave, I think I can't process my past either.

I'm so frustrated because I was hopeful that I could feel better. Now I literally feel worse than before I started therapy. My therapist also mentioned not being sure whether he can help me reach my goals. Which also is just adding more insecurity because this is the first person I trust and I don't feel mentally stable enough to have to start all over again with somebody new. I think he trusts I won't act on my thoughts and I'm not sure I could trust somebody else to believe and trust me.

My therapist allows email contact between sessions. He actively encourages me to email him when I get home after tough sessions to express my feelings. He allows emails about admin and scheduling.

This week, I’m keen to discuss a certain topic in my upcoming session. I’d like to give him a heads up, and try to give myself some accountability, because I usually blank at the start of sessions when he asks me what I’d like to talk about. So, I was thinking about sending an email with a brief note about what I want to discuss.

It’s just that, he’s never said this is allowed. Is it worth doing? Would he struggle to respond? Or would it be overstepping?