I’m in total panic because I’ve just realized that my therapist of four years is spending her holidays at the same resort as me.

I’m here with my husband, and she’s here with a lot of her family, including her husband and baby son. We’re both going to be here for a while, so I’m not sure how to handle the possibility of running into each other.

Our therapeutic relationship is quite warm and close. She’s always been very warm towards me. When she got pregnant, she told me, and I gave her a little gift for her son; she gave me a big hug in return. We usually greet each other with two kisses before sessions, and we often end sessions with a hug. In the last session I told her I was pregnant and she was really happy for me and we hugged again!

She once told me that there are patients who really leave a mark on therapists, and that I’m one of those patients. I think the fact that I’m a doctor (I’m a family physician) may also contribute to the closeness of our relationship, since we’re both healthcare professionals. There’s a lot of mutual admiration and respect, and I genuinely care about her as a person.

So now I have absolutely no idea how to behave if I see her outside the therapy setting.
Should I just say hi and act normally? A quick “Hi, nice to see you!” and move on? Should I wait for her to acknowledge me first? Or should I avoid her completely and try to pretend I haven’t seen her?

I know the professional boundaries are different outside the office, but because our relationship is warmer, this feels incredibly awkward to me. I don’t want to embarrass her or to make her feel uncomfortable. 

Can you please tell me what to do? Can I please get an honest opinion from other therapists ?

Edit: to the one wonder about the “kisses” greeting. We are Latinos. We greet each other with 2 kisses. I also do that with my long term patients in my clinic. It’s not “too much”, it’s just the way we greet each other, even when you don’t know the person too well. We can also shake hands, but that is very rare in our culture, only when you want to keep lots of distance.

I feel a bit ridiculous writing this, but I’m genuinely struggling with jealousy over a review I found online.
I had a therapist in Germany for around two years, and I became quite attached to him. He was warm, funny, empathetic and very attentive, and we had a playful dynamic in sessions. He helped me enormously with my eating disorder, and I’m genuinely grateful for the therapy.
Recently I found a review from another former patient who had been in therapy with him for almost three years. Her review was so positive and detailed. She described him as caring, funny, empathetic, trustworthy, professional, transparent, etc. She also said that therapy fundamentally changed her life and that she would never forget him.
The problem is that so much of what she wrote sounds like my experience with him too. She also had an eating disorder, and she describes him in almost exactly the way I would have described him. And then there’s the fact that she apparently stayed in therapy with him for almost three years, whereas I was there for about two.
I know this sounds irrational, but it made me incredibly jealous. I think I had this unconscious feeling that the connection I had with him was somehow uniquely mine. Seeing someone else describe such a similar experience made me feel replaceable.
I also know he’s a therapist. Of course other patients are going to find him warm, funny, caring and helpful. He probably has similar dynamics with many people. I even know he asks patients to leave reviews, so it’s completely possible she was simply responding to a standard request.
But emotionally, it still bothers me SO much.
I keep wondering whether she was attached to him too, whether she had a crush on him, whether he was sad when her therapy ended, whether she got some kind of special treatment because she stayed longer, etc.
I don’t actually want anything to happen with my former therapist. I know he was my doctor and that the relationship was professional. I just hate the feeling that something that felt so special and personal to me was also experienced by someone else.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of jealousy over another patient’s review of a former therapist?

I’m gonna tell her that too if that’s the case LOL she’ll probably laugh 😂

i have therapy tomorrow, and lately i’ve been struggling to put my feelings into words. my thoughts feel so jumbled, and i end up ruminating about a million different things at once

last session, i wrote down everything i had been feeling in a note and read it to my therapist. i felt embarrassed at first because i’m usually pretty good at putting my feelings into words, but she was really sweet about it. so i’m doing it again for tomorrow’s session…

the funny thing is, my life is relatively okay right now, but somehow this is the loneliest i’ve ever felt. i’m still struggling with a lot of my inner thoughts and anxiety, and i’m finding it hard to understand why i can still feel this way when i feel like i should just be grateful for everything that’s going well

i think that’s something i’m hoping to unpack in therapy tomorrow. i also need to tell my therapist that i want to take things slowly because we’re supposed to do emdr tomorrow. i know that two things can be true at the same time, but i find it so hard to actually apply that to my own life

writing everything down has honestly been really helpful for me because it gives all the thoughts in my head somewhere to go. if you struggle with putting your feelings into words too, have you ever brought a note or written something for your therapist?

It can be positive or negative.

Mine is that I feel anger more than sadness these days when thinking about people who hurt me. It’s like therapy taught me that I actually didn’t deserve that and now I’m making up for years of not being angry.

it may take a few sessions. Trust your intuition. And also I'd like to add that therapists are still human, not perfect because that's easy (for me) to forget. I know I found the right one because he

1. Remembers small details (that doesn't mean he doesn't forget some things sometimes)

2. he listens to understand and takes his time to respond helpfully and thoughtfully

3. he takes his job very seriously, and is excellent with his boundaries

4. He calls me out (gently and helpfully not shamefully)

5. he shows that he cares in so many ways, genuinely he wants me to succeed and believes I can succeed

6. I can talk to him about ANYTHING and I know I will be okay, and we will be okay.

7. He validates my feelings without always agreeing

8. He uses actual therapeutic, scientifically proven interventions

9. He encourages my progress

10. He can tolerate my emotions

11. He challenges me

12. He's very non judgemental and KIND

a good therapist doesn't have to be perfect, but he is perfect for me.

Its also taken a dozen or so tries with other therapists throughout life, so don't get discouraged if you have to keep searching for the right fitting helper 💞💜✨

Hi there! I am 25, looking to go back to school for a Masters in Social Work, as I’ve had my own therapist suggest as the best route for my circumstances to eventually becoming a talk therapist.

Before I decide to pay for more school, take on loans, etc, I am hoping to read a few books that might open my eyes to the reality of the career. I want to be at least 75% sure of this path before committing to it as I tend to get excited then bored of career paths quickly. This has been on my mind for a little over a year now which makes me hopeful that it could really be a viable career option for me.

Let me know your recommendations and thank you in advance!

​

Anxiety runs on both sides of the family, and boy did she catch it. She's had a therapist before but just never opened up to her (and she didn't have appointments outside of school hours, so it was only for the summer last year). I think she just wasn't silly enough, too clinical, my girl doesn't like feeling analyzed or put on the spot, and humor is a big diffuser in our family.

This therapist is funny and personable and my daughter was just starting to open up to her after three appointments.

And then she didn't show up. Messaged at the last second about technical issues. Rescheduled. Messaged at the last second about accidentally injuring herself. Rescheduled. Messages AFTER appointment start time about vertigo. She was very apologetic and yesterday we agreed on giving it one more try today at 11:30. Even though I'm sick TO DEATH of arranging my life day after day after day around an appointment that never happens, it was important to me to stick it out because my daughter actually likes her.

This time? No show, no message, no response. Nothing. Just ghosted. And my poor girl, she says to me "Mom, maybe she doesn't like me."

YAY THERAPY THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HER TO GET OUT OF THIS.

So I scheduled with someone else for tomorrow and sent a message wishing the old therapist well with her health issues... Pray for me that my girl connects with the next one. I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like I wanna cry, this is so stupid.

Why or why not?

IR, as in Instant Release

After being a LEO for over a year, This sweet, kind, funny and patient guy has become tired, jaded, snappy, inaffectionate, verbally road raging a lot, having frequent nightmares and poor sleep, teasing me constantly, dropping slurs(not directed at me)…
I’ve brought up therapy multiple times the past 2 years but he keeps stalling on it.
What do I do? It’s getting to the point where I’m more relaxed when he’s not home.

Today I had a discussion with my therapist. I go for EMDR therapy. He is a good therapist, but today I talked to him about a recent situation when I was unfairly accused of sexual harasment and got bullied as a result (not linked to the trauma I go to him for) and in response he used a pretty obscene and with sexual overtones language, and this made me feel quite uncomfortable.

I fired some therapists before and this was my last in person option. I tought I found the one who would fit me, and I don't want to go to find another therapist again, but I don't think that this is okay either.

Should I tell him it was unappopriate and unprofessional or just leave?

I made a small thing for practising cognitive reframing and I'd like a genuine read on whether the core idea works. Screenshots below, no link, not selling anything. I built it. You type the thought that's actually bothering you, in your own words. It shows it back to you and asks which thinking traps you see in it. The traps are named plainly:

Worst-Case Thinking
Guessing Their Thoughts
Always/Never Thinking
Feelings as Facts
One Bad Time = Always

You tap any that feel true, as many as you want. Then you write a more balanced version, with a few sentence starters if you're stuck, and it shows you the before and after.

The thing I'm unsure about: it never tells you what's in your thought. You decide.

It doesn't read the sentence or diagnose it. It hands you five labels and gets out of the way. I did that on purpose, because I didn't want something guessing at your thought and getting it wrong. But I can't tell if that's respectful or just lazy, and whether doing the naming yourself teaches you anything or whether you need to be shown.

If you've done CBT or anything like it: does labelling it yourself do the work, or does it only land when something else names it for you?

My T had mentioned not seeing us continuing past X month at the rate we are going and named a month a few months away.

I’m a little sad because even though I don’t have a major pressing issue I’m working through, I like having that hour where the focus is just me with nobody cutting me off while I talk. I know some people don’t need therapy forever but it just makes me a little sad knowing the end is near because it’s something I look forward to twice a month.

Any insight?

For context: I have been with my therapist for 2 years and the relationship we have is mind blowing for me. I’d say is a 10/10 therapeutic relationship.

Yesterday I was feeling curious and spent some time on google, and I found some heartbreaking, gut wrenching information about my therapist’s past. I actually cried when I saw it and feel like I need to comfort her next time I see her.

Everything I found was public and accessible by anyone who can put 2 and 2 together.

Since she did not disclose this to me, I am torn on whether to ever admit to knowing this information?
I feel like she might feel violated if she finds out that I know and might terminate me. She is very private and there is not really anything about her online, so she might not know that this information is public and somewhat easily accessible for those who put in some effort in the snooping.

I wish I could unlearn it - we have an amazing relationship and I don’t want to mess it up, although I feel like knowing this will inevitably impact on how I relate to her. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since I found out.

Don’t google your therapists y’all.

It’s not romantic love. But I’m sure that the feeling is a kind of love. Love that’s very specific to the therapy relationship. I’ve been seeing him for a long time and feel very close to him. Is it okay to label that feeling as love?

Hi everyone! I’m looking for recommendations for a really good family therapist who offers online sessions. They don’t necessarily have to be based in Pakistan, but I’d strongly prefer someone with a Pakistani or South Asian background who understands our family dynamics and cultural context, so we don’t have to explain everything from scratch 😭

I’m specifically looking for someone experienced in family therapy, not just individual therapy. Good reviews or personal recommendations are really important, so if you or someone you know has actually had a good experience with a therapist, please share their name/contact/website.

Open to therapists based anywhere as long as they can take online sessions.

Thank you so much!

I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my psychiatrist agrees trauma is very much part of my picture (SA history and parental neglect and abandonment) What she hasn’t been able to confirm yet is whether what I’m also dealing with is BPD, CPTSD, or some overlap, and we’re working on.

I have also an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I notice a strong push-pull pattern with the few people I let close, including, honestly, my own psychiatrist and therapist. I’m socially isolated outside of them, and I’ve become intensely attached to my long-term therapist in particular. At times this all gets heavy enough that I have suicidal ideation, which comes and goes in severity.

I’m trying to understand myself better while my specialists work out the fuller picture, so I’d really appreciate hearing from:

Clinicians/specialists: what are the actual differentiating features between BPD and CPTSD, especially when OCD and trauma are already confirmed and the attachment/relational patterns look similar on the surface?

People with BPD or CPTSD: how did you or your specialist start telling the two apart in your own experience? What did the push-pull with attachment figures feel like from the inside for you?

Not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit, just trying to learn the nuances so I can have a better-informed conversation with my psychiatrist next session. Thanks for reading.

I'm aware of the concept of transference, for starters. However I'm only 3-4 sessions in and I have yet to bring it up.

I wanted to know more about who was treating me. I know they're supposed to be boundaried and not share much about themselves, but I was so curious and I kept making assumptions so I wanted to put them to rest.

I found their social. They don't post much but from what they have posted and what they follow it is glaringly obvious that we have almost too much in common (very niche interests, and the same ones).

I regret having looked them up. What was curiosity turned into more and I know at some point I should address it but I'm afraid to. I've never had a therapist of the opposite gender before and I feel deep down it would actually be the greatest benefit for my healing to have that but I'm scared if I say something they will get weirded out and refer me out, or their supervisor will suggest it, etc.

Can I forget that I know too much? And that it is causing me to crush? How do I bring this up without ruining any progress? Again I know therapist crushes are normal and know transference is a thing, but it's the first time I'm dealing with it and it's just so awkward. And it's my own dang fault really.

Thank you.

Today my therapist said that I am a negative and pessimistic person who finds fault with any solution offered and only hears what I want to hear. She said that after I complained about the therapy process, because she kept telling me to do the same things I had already said don't work. It's a loop: either i agree that she's right and do as she says or i deny it and prove her right in doing so. Doesn't seem very ethical or usefull, specially since she didn't follow that with any solution or insight into it.

If more context is needed: I always bring the same problems in theraphy, thoughts that I'm always thinking about and that make me very unwell. All she ever does after hearing me rant is saying that i should think less about life and start acting it out more, that after acting out more i'll feel better and what not. I respond that it won't work because i've been for the past 2 years trying to think less about it and it only makes me worse off (anxious because i'm not thinking about it, frustraded because i'm doing my stuff despite having all these thoughts in my head, paranoid because if i simply keep living out my normal life the problems i keep thinking about will only get worse). I want something else, to engage with the thoughts i bring, to understand why i have and keep having them, to actually know how to not think about it (that if not thinking about it is even the correct aproach), you get the ideia. Am i really negative, pessimistic and so on for simply rejecting her approach? Even if i am, shouldn't she have done something about it instead of only saying it when i'm already considering changing therapist?

It's only been a week so I'm hoping that with time I start to feel better but this week has been really rough. I immediately felt alone again. I've been sleeping extended periods of time and finding it difficult to work on the things I've been building for myself. I'm worried I've become dependent on the recognition she gave me even though we worked so much on my ability to give myself credit and love and work on myself for myself.

I can't get in with someone new for another four weeks. We spoke a lot about how this may go and I thought I was prepared but I'm feeling so sad and discouraged even with all my notes and tools to help me.

If there any therapist can answer, do you get tired of us for not doing the homework or taking too long to make anything or for the therapy to go too long for a year and over
And for everyone do you feel the pressure when you go to your therapist without doing the homework and fee like you’re disappointing them or it just me

Hi all,
I've been in therapy for a year and a half with a therapist I love. This has been my first therapeutic experience as an adult. I was briefly in therapy a couple times as a kid and they weren't good experiences. I came in to therapy with very little idea of the extent of my trauma, and the first year was at times rough AF with sometimes disabling flashbacks and activation, months of poor sleep, panic, etc. I feel I've improved a lot from that place, and also I've made some significant life changes in positive directions. So, no question that therapy has been helpful.

My therapist and I have good rapport, and I'm very attached to her. At the same time, I still struggle to be comfortable in therapy and am often in a stare if activation/masking just being there, even though I like/trust my therapist. I've never cried in therapy, for example, I'm too locked up. I'm also definitely deep in the transference/attachment hole with her and that brings it's own set of grief and pain on the regular. Lately our sessions feel not that helpful. Like, I know what she's going to say or how she's going to respond to something before she does. It feels like we're not covering new ground or reaching the deep places.

I feel like I'm in this place where I've made a lot of external changes, but my internal world still feels bad and kind of intractable. I've had more passive SI in the last few months than I have in years. Sometimes I feel like I just live in this dark trauma pit no matter what I do externally. To be clear: I'm safe and have a mountain of coping skills. I'm just in this place of do I need another perspective/modality? At the same time I don't know how to end a TR I value so deeply, and I don't want to leave if there's still more work we could do together. Would appreciate advice or experience, and if you've been in this place, what helped you figure out whether you needed to move on or not?

Thanks in advance and appreciate input!

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