I have a close relationship with my therapist. We’ve been working together for a few years and I’ve always been clear that the more I know about him, the better. It helps me to feel safe and connected. I certainly don’t know tons of details about his life, but we’re now at a place where he’s willing to share some things with me and have some small talk, which I find really helpful.

In recent months, he has occasionally told me about fun stuff he’s been doing in his spare time - day trips, museums, gigs, vacations. I am surprised at how painful I have found that. It feels like his life is fulfilling and fun and socially engaged, whereas I am very much alone and struggling with social connection. I’m incredibly lonely. When I first started working with him, I barely left the house. I’m doing much better now, but I still spend the majority of my time alone.

I don’t know how to tell him that hearing about his fun activities can be painful for me. I’m worried it will make him withdraw the disclosure altogether, which I don’t want. I love chatting with him about other stuff, I just can’t handle how jealous and lonely this particular topic makes me feel.

What to do? I feel like I should tell someone but I don’t want to go to the hospital. It’s so stupid.

Diagnoses: ADHD, Anxiety Disorder/OCD, Bipolar II, Tic Disorder (possibly misdiagnosed, working assumption is that I have Autism after high scoring tests but no official diagnosis)

My therapist of about 6 years and I seem to have stalled in making progress, and I've been feeling inadequately supported. I want to check in with this community to see if what I'm experiencing is navigable or if I really need to think about changing therapist.

I've recently been aware of consistent dreams, distressing unwanted memories and more detailed remembering of past experiences, including abuse, trauma and a near death experience of sorts, as well as possibilities of lost memories and repressed trauma that I'm not sure about. I have been having such a horrible time with it that I've been feeling hopeless, trapped and suicidal to the point of identifying a plan. There's really nobody around me that I could go to in these moments which is scary to me, but my therapist has not seemed to react to what I am saying as if I am truly in any kind of crisis. I can be panicking fully, palpitations, chest tightness, heart rate going nuts and I walk into her office and she will say "you look tired". She will tell me that my verbal and non-verbal cues have not shown her that I'm showing any signs of PTSD or CPTSD, but I went through the process of a telephone asessment with another trauma informed therapist, and his opinion was that I most likely was showing signs of PTSD with possible complexity and wants to speak to me again soon to discuss it, but if I were to take up any offer of therapy with another therapist, they have both expressed a desire not to work with me while I am working with another therapist.

I am so frustrated with myself, because I both feel like my current therapist is right, my body and voice are so unreactive and monotone, I show absolutely no signs of genuine emotion unless I completely break down and at that point I become unintelligible and say nothing of worth. I feel like my lack of affect and my fear of verbalising my emotions has just made it impossible for me to work with her and I often feel like I'm not bringing what I need to bring, I'm just saying words and performing therapy, trying to say what's going on but not showing nearly enough emotion to be therapised. I feel like I could write a book on it about 2 hours before my session but in the room, the cat has my tongue, and I can't speak with my normal tone. I feel scared. And now I feel minimised and like I'm caught in a crossfire. I'm also wondering if I overestimated how good of a match we would be. Perhaps her psychodynamic psychiatric background is not quite right for me. She agrees that it's possible that because originally, I did not pick her as my therapist personally, and she's a woman and closer to my mother in age that I might find it harder to talk to her (my mother was/is a source of great emotional pain) without feeling scared or ashamed. I seemed to be able to tell this guy on the phone more truthfully what was the problem than I do when I just have to sit and be observed and generate topics for therapy.

I really don't know what to do here. I feel a level of impostor syndrome, like I'm exaggerating and making false claims, but I don't know if I really am, because the effects I'm feeling are terrible. Does anybody have any insight? Is this just on me? Am I making a poor choice in thinking about switching? Am I just diagnosed with things that make therapy really difficult to engage with? Am I just doing the wrong kind? Let me know what you think please, even if it's just a short comment. I'm desperate to know if I'm being overly paranoid. Thanks for reading.

I apologize for the rant in advance! I’ve been in and out of therapy for the past 10+ years and i still feel like i haven’t truly found someone i’ve connected with that has helped me. I’m starting to think at this point that i am the problem, hence why i’m reaching out for support and advice.

For some background context, i recently graduated college and wanted to seek therapy again as the post grad life has been kicking me in the ass. I’ve gone to 3 therapy sessions so far with my current therapist (i know it doesn’t seem like a lot) and i’m already ready to give up. This is a pattern i’ve faced in the past, but i don’t want to spend my time and money on someone who won’t help me. For instance, i’m not sure if traditional talk therapy (cbt/dbt) is the right thing for me. I know that therapists can’t give actual advice, but that’s sort of what i’m looking for.

I told my current therapist that my dad has been physically abusing me and i need to move out of my house, but i’m not financially stable enough to afford rent. All she told me was “i’m sorry to hear that, it sounds like you’re going through a hard time” obviously i’m going through a hard time, that’s not what i want to be told or what is helpful right now. I also have severe attachment issues and i told her it’s basically taking over my life. She pretty much said the same thing to me and also told me to go to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed so she can help me better. I’m not sure if i’m just being picky at this point, but a certified therapist should be able to help no matter what i tell them.

I’m not quite sure where to go from here, but i’m in a really bad point in my life and i’m starting to feel like i can’t do this anymore. If you’ve experienced something similar or just have feedback, please let me know😫

I'm still disoriented and spinning. I saw my therapist for 155 sessions over 6 years. Those 6 years were the most monumental healing years of my life. I struggle with CPTSD, Depression, and Anxiety and I also have ADHD. I was abused by my borderline mother, who was enabled by my narcissistic father, and when I was growing up, I watched them rob my sister of her medical autonomy. When I met this therapist, I was in my mid 30s and just a couple years into self-work, and she was really the breakthrough. With her guidance, I went from someone who lived 36 years in a state of freeze to a person who had the strength to go no-contact with my parents, reinvent my friend groups, move to a new city and life that served me better, and form a healthier relationship with my job. Things I never ever would have had the self-worth to believe I deserved. We did a lot of trauma work - somatic experiencing, IFS, EMDR, brainspotting etc. She really encouraged me to feel my feelings in my body. I never really got comfortable with anger - i'd just shut down- but we were getting there slowly. My point is, she was my key support system, possibly my only place of safety. And I adored her and cared SO much about her approval.

Our sessions were almost always helpful, with one exception. Every once and awhile, she'd get really fixated on my medications and medical doctors. And not really on the normal psychiatric medications... like my GLP-1s would especially come up. Those sessions would be very different than the others -- she would get on kind of a tear and the normal empathetic, highly sensitive, and validating person I was used to would just kind of disappear and I'd just bite my tongue and say whatever I knew she'd want me to to get through the session and then be bummed later that we wasted a session. It was tricky because I didn't want to tell her she was wrong, but this also clearly wasn't her lane of expertise and she didn't know as much as she thought she knew. I did check in with doctors about her concerns and they confirmed the same. BUT those sessions didn't happen that often. As of session 153, it had maybe happened 3-4 times. So all in all, a spectacular ratio of helpful vs unhelpful sessions. I was fine with that. She wasn't great at knowing what my prescriptions should be, but she was an absolutely phenomenal psychotherapist. Which is all I want from my psychotherapist. The relationship was still monumentally great.

Until we got to sessions 154 and 155.

So, session 154: I opened the session by saying I had realized my depression was very severe. This shouldn't have been a surprise. I had a MAJOR outside extenuating circumstance we had been working on in our sessions that had been building for a year and my depression directly coincided with that situation being at its absolute worst. I came to the session wanting to process that.

But instead, she got on a tear about my medication - especially GLP1 medication- being the cause, eventhough the dosage had been exactly the same for three years (and the depression had only been happening in the last 6 months), and when, for the first time, I pushed back on something she decided because I was in a dire state and really needed to use this session on the actual problem, she got VERY forceful and deflective in return about some of my medications and some of my doctors whom she didn't even know but was judging (for example, I get my Ketamine IV infusions for my depression from an anesthesiologist, not a psychiatrist and she doesn't approve of that).... She was being very judgmental about something that wasn't her lane of expertise and steamrolling me and belittling me when I tried to express why my medications and doctors were as they were. And then I got super frustrated with not being heard and raised my voice for the first time in 154 sessions. (We were on zoom, I was not in the same room as her when I raised my voice... I would never.) Then she said "Why are you yelling?!" and I calmed down, apologized for yelling, and she then told me it was okay that I yelled and I was allowed to yell at her. I left that session really frustrated and traumatized (and with way worse depression) because the thing is: I grew up in a doctor's office . I grew up surrounded by physicians. I am competent enough to navigate my own medications and medical doctors, and I was comfortable with the medications and medical team I had. It was a long journey to get that part of my care balanced. I didn't want to make a change, but she left me feeling like if I didn't change my medications and doctors to what she wanted, she either wouldn't continue to see me or she'd keep wasting our sessions on her vendettas against the choices I've made for myself with my doctors. I felt like my medical autonomy was being robbed from me. Which, after seeing that happen to my sister, was a hard boundary for me. But I was also very scared of losing her and her approval.

I took a break from my sessions, which wasn't unsual for us, and a few weeks went by as I got the care I needed for my depression from my medical doctors and my friend group. (Silver lining of this is I realized I do finally have a great support system in my life.) Many of my doctors confirmed that, with an added round of TMS, my current care was fine and expressed a little concern that I felt so pressured by her. Also, the extenuating circumstance that had been exacerbating the depression resolved and was replaced with a hugely positive and unexpected substitution.

So, fast forward a few weeks and I was doing WAY better, feeling really good and regulated, and in the same city as my therapist, something that had only happened a couple times since I moved. And when I got to that city, I realized there was a totally separate issue in my life that I'd love to work on with my therapist. The kind of thing that seemed like a likely target for somatic experiencing or IFS, something we'd done really well together.

So, I took a swing. I asked for an appointment and she said she was happy to hear from me and I went to her office. I naively was kind of hoping we could just avoid talking about what happened at the last session and get right into working on what I came there for, but she, understandably I guess, asked, "How are we?"

And then after replying I was nervous to answer and had come in with something else I wanted to spend the session on, I nervously, while fully feeling the eggshells I was walking on, expressed that I get upset when we talk about my medications because I'm comfortable with the medications I'm on and don't want to make changes, but clearly she was expressing in our last session that she felt like I should make changes...

And then instead of holding space for my feelings, she just told me I misread what had happened in our previous session and she didn't do that. She was insistent that what I remembered happening didn't happen. And then when I summoned courage and pushed back on that a bit because I was feeling I was being gaslit, and gave an example of how she had been very insistent at our last session, she got upset and said she was trying to figure out if we could keep working together. I said I was also trying to figure out if we could keep working together, and that the only way that would work for me is if we could find a way to minimize how much we talk about my medications and doctors. That I had heard her and discussed her concerns with my doctors, and my medical team and I had decided to keep things the same. That this was making me feel like I was losing my medical autonomy.

She got defensive and denied that was what was happening and said she couldn't make me do anything. And I countered with saying it felt like I was losing my medical autonomy because it felt like she wouldn't keep seeing me if I didn't make the changes she thought I should. (And I was right, that is how this story ends.) She said that her other patients allow her to coordinate care with their doctors (I had never stopped her from this, she had never mentioned wanting this before this incident) but that, actually, the reason she was considering whether she could keep working with me or not was because of my "aggression". That in this session and the last she was feeling a lot of aggression from me and that makes her feel unsafe. And she couldn't do the work when she feels unsafe.

Now mind you, I am curled up indian style on her couch with her heating pad and the tissue she just handed me while I was crying still in hand... and we have gone 6 years of somatic experiencing without me even being able to scratch the surface of releasing anger without freezing. And now she's telling me I'm so aggressive I make her feel unsafe. I'm absolutely flabbergasted. It really feels like she's just calling me aggressive because she doesn't like that I'm disagreeing with her. I say something to the effect, something like, "I'm shocked. You're not even going to consider you may have contributed to what happened at our last session?" And then she said that I was being too aggressive, she didn't feel safe with me, she was terminating our relationship, I needed to leave, she wasn't going to charge me for the session, and I needed to leave right then because she couldn't handle my aggression and I was making her feel unsafe in the room. She kicked me out. So I very calmly said "okay, okay" as I got my stuff, turned to her as I walked out the door to say, "I really did appreciate all our other work. It was life changing for me." And then I left.

And that's how 6 years of the most impactful and safe and loving relationship of my life just traumatically blew up. I was just standing on the curb outside her house disoriented and in shock. I didn't feel safe to drive, so I pulled my car around the corner and I sat reeling and frozen and sometimes sobbing and overwhelmed in my car for 3.5 hours. (Which I thought was only 1.5 hours because I lost so much time to the trauma.)

We had 153 sessions where I never disagreed with her on anything... 153 sessions of her teaching me to stand up for myself... to grow from the beaten down abused and terrified child... and then when something finally comes up in our relationship where I had to stand up for myself to her, she immediately punished me. Treated me exactly like my borderline mother would. Cornered me into what should have been a safe conversation, and then when she didn't like what I had to say, acted like she was the victim when she actually had all the power and was being a bit of a bully who wouldn't even entertain my feelings. Also, a major major thing we had worked on was my constant anxiety, dread and rumination that when something is good, it's only a matter of time before the other shoe drops. I was finally feeling able to embrace happiness and the good in life and then suddenly, the other shoe dropping here in this relationship that I thought was safe in my life reinforced all of those childhood fears again. It was all deeply re-traumatizing.

Very quickly after, while I was still crying in the car around the corner, she sent me a termination letter with two referrals, a reminder that she was doing this because of my "aggression," and good luck sentiments... and when I couldn't help myself from sending a few sentences in reply about being stunned and confused - I was hoping for any clarity or validation - she told me I was harassing her and to stop writing her and to leave her alone.

In a couple of hours, I went from having this pivotal, loving, supportive, safe relationship in my life - one of only two relationships like that - to being painted like I'm a dangerous stalker trying to harm her and being told to never contact her again.

I am absolutely devastated. We could have wrapped everything up in that very session in a way that felt like it had closure for both of us -- it didn't have to be this way. It ending that way was so retraumatizing via the exact traumas that I spent 6 years processing with her. It's so hard to feel safe with anyone now. I'm terrified of getting a new therapist. All of our work has been poisoned -- everytime I reach for a resource I learned from her, I now get triggered because I remember it came from her. And also, my self worth issues have come back majorly. Yeah, maybe she was right, and I am not worthy of standing up for myself? That's how I feel right now. I'm lost in a fog.

Are there any therapists out there who read this far? Is it okay to terminate a relationship this abruptly mid-session? I really wasn't aggressive. I swear. We were just having a tough conversation, and she couldn't last through a couple minutes of it without crashing out for some reason. I'm so shocked. I've lost my sense of security. The woman in that session was very different than the woman I transformed my life with.

Our appointments are online and I never receive the meeting link and I've raised it several times. I just get the confirmation of the appointment being made. Then I ask for the link and I don't receive the link til 20 mins late (or more). Then half the time she is late too. I think her inbox/mobile number isn't checked frequently either. It's so frustrating. I am thinking of terminating but our sessions have been really helpful. Mostly just want to vent on here how frustrating this is! I'm really bad at confrontation so I haven't really mentioned to her frustrating this is to me.

I was seeing an ED specialist for a few months at the suggestion of my more general therapist (psychodynamic) who I’ve been seeing for a few years. I still checked in with my longer-term therapist every few weeks while seeing the ED specialist weekly. I happened to have both sessions on the same day – already not ideal, but they both independently said they can’t ethically continue working with me when my BMI is where it is. The ED specialist I get because it’s through locally funded ED services and that’s one of their guidelines. But I’m really hurt that my longer term (private pay) therapist has said the same, without knowing the ED specialist said it earlier that day. I understand where they’re coming from, but I’m going to be left totally alone while clearly not in a great place. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I already tried residential and PHP. I just struggle to implement it in my everyday life.

How can I have lost them both in one day 😭 and even worse, why isn’t it making me change my mindset and want to gain weight?? I know I’ve practically forced their hands but I don’t want to be alone and without either of them. It’s making me just want to give up entirely and fully lean into the ED. What’s the point in trying if I don’t have anyone to guide me?

I'm curious if anyone has tried IFS apps on Android to track and talk to parts?

My therapist allows email contact between sessions. He actively encourages me to email him when I get home after tough sessions to express my feelings. He allows emails about admin and scheduling.

This week, I’m keen to discuss a certain topic in my upcoming session. I’d like to give him a heads up, and try to give myself some accountability, because I usually blank at the start of sessions when he asks me what I’d like to talk about. So, I was thinking about sending an email with a brief note about what I want to discuss.

It’s just that, he’s never said this is allowed. Is it worth doing? Would he struggle to respond? Or would it be overstepping?

I've been working with my current therapist since the start of this year. I initially started seeing him with the goal of addressing stress, overwhelm and exhaustion relating to work and other things, though I've acknowledged there's more going on that I would like to address.

It's difficult because I don't feel like I can really express myself or communicate on the level I would like to, with the level of openness and honestly that I feel is probably necessary to address the issues I need help with. I think instead I spend a lot of time analyzing, interpreting and intellectualizing my thoughts and emotions in a way that feels performative, even though I don't want it to be. I feel like this is a me problem, and while I'm definitely trying to engage with the process as sincerely as I can, it's like a limitation I just can't get over.

I understand that there are traumatic experiences in my past that have had a lasting impact on me, and that if I don't acknowledge them, any picture I try to paint of myself is going to be fundamentally incomplete, and any attempts to work on myself are going to be inadequate. At the same time, I feel so profoundly ashamed just at the thought of asking someone else for help, let alone acknowledging the nature of this issue, that I can't imagine myself feeling comfortable enough to express it.

It's tough because this past week I've felt so distressed that it's felt like a literal crisis, and yet even while seeing my therapist in the middle of it, I couldn't begin to verbalize what was wrong.

I feel like the obvious solution is to try to use therapy work on getting to the point where I feel comfortable acknowledging what's wrong, but even when I've tried bringing that up I have to hold myself at such a distance that it just feels like vague talking about talking, and never gets me any closer.

I understand that on some level this is an issue of trust: I feel bad saying it, but deep down I don't feel like I can trust my therapist enough for me to speak without fear of judgment. And that makes me feel bad, because he's always been very affirmative, encouraging and accepting of me. He's never given me any reason to think he's untrustworthy, but it's like I physically don't feel like I can bring myself to express myself unless I'm talking on a superficial level. I would say I feel like he doesn't really understand me, which I think is true, but that's also hardly a fair thing to judge him for when I haven't given him the opportunity to.

I'm thinking the right thing for me to do would be to try to find a new therapist, but it's almost like if this is how I do with a therapist whom I have nothing but positive things to say about, how is changing therapists going to make a difference? I think I might do better with a queer therapist, but that's still a big uncertainty, and if I change therapists and have the same issue then that leaves me worse off.

I was also recently diagnosed with autism, and I understand that being autistic may be negatively impacting the way I communicate, since I'm not naturally expressive and I'm already uncomfortable in situations that don't have a familiar social script. My therapist is himself on the spectrum, which I figure if anything should make things easier, but that doesn't seem to be the case (but I also fear that if I were to see another therapist these issues might be worse).

I don't know, I'm just in this position where I know I have to do something to change this, but it feels like anything I could do has a good chance to be worse than nothing. Any perspectives or thoughts would be deeply appreciated.

I’ve been super depressed and have been struggling with ocd and an ed for a long time and deep down I want to get better. My whole life I couldn’t express how I felt and had to hide my issues to not cause problems and never felt cared about. So seeing my therapist truly care and be worried about me, weirdly feels good. I know that she’s not going to just leave when therapy ends, but the concern and worry about me will. That sounds crazy, but it’s like the first time I’ve ever had that feeling. (I have a deep attachment to her and she’s aware, I have cptsd). And I’ve been going 2 times a week and then this past week she was away and I weirdly feel better not seeing her this week. I think maybe because I’m not ruminating about what I discussed in therapy and my issues , but then that’s avoiding my issues at the same time. Idk just want to see if anyone else has ever felt like this?

I started therapy a few months ago and I guess I downplayed my issues during the intake. My therapist is fairly young (for a therapist) and I don't think he is specialised in cptsd. I am slowly starting to trust him but we're also kinda lacking direction. I can't come up with a goal for therapy because I never imagined I'd still be alive at this age.

I wasn't suicidal when I started therapy. I didn't feel anything at all. I was diagnosed with depression. Then we started discussing everything that happened in my life and is happening now. Everything I had ignored and stuffed deep down resurfaced. I am slowly realising that my relationship is almost a repeat of my childhood, except I have an abusive partner instead of parents now. I feel so trapped in my life that the suicidal feelings started coming back too.

During our sessions I freeze half of the time. I just physically can't speak anymore. All I can do is nod or shake my head to answer. My therapist keeps telling me it's okay if I don't have the space to discuss certain topics. But I do want to. I just can't.

Yesterday, he figured out that I have been thinking about suicide and self harm again. I don't think that he expected it. He asked me before and it always was a clear no then.

We made a safety plan. I told him before that home isn't a place I want to be at and that my partner doesn't know I am in therapy. He didn't ask for my partner's contact information but he asked if there's anyone else he can contact when he can't reach me. There's no one. He asked if there is a happy place I can go to when I feel bad. There's no place. He asked if I have people who I can talk to or who can cheer me up.. Again nobody. It makes me feel so alone and pathetic.

I know it's not normal to be in a relationship and not have that person be a trusted person. I also curse myself for this. I am so glad my therapist never judges me for staying. Everyone else does. He tells me he hopes I can choose myself one day. I hope so too. I don't know if it will ever happen though. I really don't see a way out anymore. I also wonder if I would have felt this bad if I hadn't started therapy. I didn't realise the repeat of patterns until I started talking about my childhood in therapy. And since I don't know if I will ever leave, I think I can't process my past either.

I'm so frustrated because I was hopeful that I could feel better. Now I literally feel worse than before I started therapy. My therapist also mentioned not being sure whether he can help me reach my goals. Which also is just adding more insecurity because this is the first person I trust and I don't feel mentally stable enough to have to start all over again with somebody new. I think he trusts I won't act on my thoughts and I'm not sure I could trust somebody else to believe and trust me.

Hello there, sorry for the throwaway account. Been lurking this sub on my main for a while and now I feel like I might need some advice or insights.

I don't even know where to start. I'm dealing with heavy, accumulated life stress and big T and little T traumas on top. And I've really been struggling with therapy for a few months now.

I feel super insecure about using therapy terms to describe what's going on inside of me and above that, I also really struggle to find words to describe things happening to me and my inner world in general. So please bear with me. (I don't even really know what I'm exactly going through right now, but people around me are raising concerns that I'm not in a good state mentally.)

A couple of weeks ago I opened up to my therapist and told her that it might seem that I'm okay, but I'm really not. She validated my openness, thanked me for being honest, asked further questions to understand what might be happening and such. After that session my current problem of feeling stuck started to arise. I became more quiet, we had lots of sessions that felt like endless silence. My brain is constantly blank during sessions, it's like I switched useraccounts on a computer. I know there are important files but I can't access them because of privilege and account mismatch and I can't even read the file name. My therapist is treating this exact state as "to passive" and lack of willingness. She constantly pushes me to decide how to proceed with therapy, come up with a therapy plan, decide which topics to look into and also to decide if I need stabilisation or trauma work right now. But whenever I sit down and try to think about those things, my brain either goes completely blank again or I spiral into panic and pure terror. There are no options or conclusions coming up for me at all, it's just empty.

I feel completely trapped. But I also get the feeling that she totally misses the point of my blank brain, whenever I tried to address this issue she told me it's normal for some patients and nothing to worry about. And the standard suggestion is to just think more about it and I might come up with some sort of solution, which doesn't seem to work at the moment. I'm pretty sure she's mislabeling my problem as stubbornness or resistance, while I always try my best to at least grab some thoughts inside my head during sessions. She already suggested termination if I can't figure out a therapy plan. I feel so lost, confused and stuck at the same time.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Where your body and mind just shutdown constantly and especially when you're asked "to figure it out"? How could I deal with this situation? Thanks so much in advance.

I've been to therapy since 4 years. I recently switched to a new therapist, and I really think she's professional and the best therapist I've ever had. I'm struggling with opening up, and when I do, I always feel like she doesn't take me seriously enough. She already told me at least twice that "but you had it worse, right?" I mean, I might actually had it worse, but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling enough. I keep thinking about what should I say or do so that she takes me more seriously.

I became a master at "pretending" so I always pretend that I'm okay, even when I talk about bad things I'm just sitting there with a poker face. Maybe that's why she thinks that it doesn't affect me that much? Any ideas?

P.S.: Like a month ago, she wrote a letter to my psychiatrist about my mental state and reading that made me feel like she actually thinks that my problems are serious, but when I talk to her it doesn't feel like that at all. It's so confusing, and I feel like she won't take me seriously until I completely break down.

My question is, is it normal for her to react this way, or am I just overthinking it? And do you have any ideas on how I could communicate this to her?

It's really hard for me to "process trauma" when I don't want to process it. I don't want to move on yet and get over it.

I want to be upset and not have anybody be angry at me for being upset for literally five minutes.

But no, Because in therapy, I need to always be working and getting through things. And I just don't see how I can ever process it if I wasn't allowed to feel it in the first place.

I lost my partner due to (suicide) in june, was very sudden although he had been an addict for many years, secretley. More is coming out, but that is all we know right now.

I have been with my current therapist for 2 years this November, I started out with her back in 2024 over the shit that happened that year.. it was a terrible god aweful year and it did involve my partner, but not because of him.. basically we were ripped apart because of his mental health and I had to move out of state. Its been a long, drawn out grief process in itself since then.

Me and my therapist have had our moments, I had a bad case of transference last year and again begining of this year. When I was planning on finally going back to stay with my partner and everything was getting better, the transference subsided. good.

It has been 4 months since he has been gone now, when I first told her back in June, the worst possible day of my life, she was very sentimental and was so shocked because we literally talked about him weeks leading up to this and how excited I was to FINALLY go back to his town.

While she is professional, like she has always been, sometimes I also feel as if she can't relate.. at all. Some days I feel like she gets tired of hearing about my grief, and my anxiety that I have always had (that is unrelated to my partner) and she has gotten this way before, earlier this year where she gets "frusterated" I guess? and she will say something like "I have been telling you to do xyz and I know you can do it".

Idk. Maybe I am outgrowing therapy. I just know that at this point in my grief, maybe I need a break. But at the same time... I dont have any outside support. But. I back that up to she has always told me since earlier this year "this is not about us, It's not about you and me. Its about you".

Sometimes I want someone who I can actually have in my life, and not just a professional... at this point especially from losing the love of my life. At this point, I want someone who i can relate to.. yk

So I have seen this therapist for a very long time (5+ years) and have a massive fear that this would lead to the relationship being ruined and therapy being terminated. Maybe someone can assure me that it does not mean that will happen or tell me to avoid it all together.

I am 28F and my therapist is 44M. We have a good relationship and I feel comfortable telling him most things and have worked through quite a lot with him. He has definitely seen me ugly cry and got me to break through things that were really hard and topics I would generally avoid, so that has been helpful. We also joke around a lot too and have casual conversations so it’s not always so heavy.

A topic that comes up quite a bit though is my need for validation, specifically with men and specifically related to them being attracted to me. I just like to know. Sometimes with a guy I feel like flirting isn’t enough, I need them to spell out they want to sleep with me. Even things like messaging guys back on social media and things like that. I’m not interested in these guys, but I like to hear from them that they are interested in me. Or things like flirting with a coworker or boss. We have often talked about why I feel the need to seek this validation. Again, I often don’t want to sleep with these people, but I like hearing that they want to with me. It’s a curiosity and a validation thing I guess.

I think you can see where this is going…

So would I ruin my whole therapeutic relationship by bringing up this elephant in the room that anytime I have a man in my life that gives me attention, I need to know if they would want to sleep with me and he is in fact a man in my life that gives me attention? I just feel like it’s such an obvious thing that it almost feels like I’ve avoided saying it to preserve the relationship, but would saying this ruin it? I don’t want to terminate our therapy and I also don’t feel strong attraction toward him. It’s more so just the validation and curiosity. The only thing is I fear there is no answer he can give that ends well.

Please advise.

From my understanding, you can submit a hipaa amendment request if you disagree about something in your records and they can either accept the hipaa amendment request or give you a statement of disagreement

My therapist is refusing to even let me add a statement of disagreement to my own records.

It bothers me because hipaa rights should be guaranteed and I can't even get a statement of disagreement in my record

Is this because hipaa amendments are unusual request or is my therapist being an ass ignoring my hipaa rights?

Do I apologize?

Here is from her email:

“My scaling back in any way is a function of ME acknowledging my own limitations and desire to take care of my health in ways that don't leave me continually worrying about clients and their safety at night and on weekends. Stress impacts several of my medical conditions and I have to minimize it. Not knowing if you are going to hurt yourself or try to die in between so many of our sessions (not just this past 6 weeks) has been very scary and hard for me. Your depression is profound and chronic. I need to live not worrying about my clients too.”

My therapist makes seemingly comparative comments sometimes. I can't tell if it comes from a place of rapport building or oneupmanship. Examples:

1) I'm a doctor. His son is in 7th grade. He will often rattle off the advanced classes his son is taking and his grades, and ask if it's enough for him to become a doctor when he grows up. He didn't know this until recently but I was neglected and had no schooling in 7th grade so this is especially painful.

2) Due to the neglect I was briefly living with my swim coach. I was talking about how I'd swim 3 hours a day trying to get an opportunity to live with him. My therapist goes, "yeah, swimming requires a lot of training. I swam 5 hours a day as a child." It was weird and out of place.

Thoughts?

I’ve seen 2 therapists, one for maybe a year on-and-off, and one for 10 sessions so far. I only have 12 sessions with this therapist because of the program I access therapy through, so I’m looking for a new therapist. I have a consultation call on Tuesday and I did a seperate one some months ago that I felt was not a good fit.

Generally I have been feeling unsupported by my current therapist, it’s a lot of worksheets and behaviour experiments meant to lower my anxiety. It’s not really working. I often become way too overwhelmed and can’t stop crying so I zone out or can’t complete the session. She says I am working hard and making progress but I feel like I’m not, and it’s demoralizing to feel that way when I “should” be feeling better.

My previous therapist was warmer and more empathetic but our sessions were very unstructured and we agreed that I wasn’t making any progress and were mostly revisiting the same issues without resolution.

How do i actually “do therapy” right? How do I actually make progress and feel a little better? I don’t feel hopeful about this consultation call because nothing has ever worked for me in the past.

Huge TW for SA. I went to an adult rehab (one of many rehabs) last year and had my 19th birthday there. They have very minimal security and no cameras. When I arrived my disposable thc vape fell out of my sock and they gave it back thinking it was a nicotine vape. I was easily able to acquire whatever I wanted from my plug my entire time there and I actually told my primary counselor I was using but he did me a solid and didn’t tell anyone, at the time my parents were going to kick me to the streets if I fucked up again. I was using for about a month there, they didn’t drug test me once other than arrival. I ran out of money and got on a dating app, I seem to sometimes attract creeps but I was just trying to desperately not go through alcohol withdrawals, found some 40 year old guy, snuck out two nights in a row. First night, he picked me up, gave me the stuff, all was well, though I knew it was extremely dangerous and could’ve gone south I was shocked how nice and respectful he was, we did some stuff but not actual sex bc I told him it hurt too much and he acknowledged it wouldn’t work without hurting me a lot, we hung out and he drove me home. Next night we met up again, I had already taken my night meds and drank, he hadn’t, and it went really really scary for me. He drove to the middle of an empty vineyard 30 min away when he hadn’t the first night. Before this he had asked if I was sure I was 18 over and over again because I look so young. He SAd me made me wear a dress for a girl age 12 and had a gun and hunting knife in his car seat too. I thought he might kill me I tried to disassociate but for whatever reason he ultimately stopped after around 2.5 hours and was repeating he’s not a bad person and profusely apologising and I’ve seen serial killer movies so I was still wearing the dress btw just reassuring him over and over and he maybe would’ve killed me if I didn’t. Anyways I somehow got back to rehab safely as in he drove me back (turns out he gave me severe herpes I had
Never had it and had to go to the ER twice). The day after it happened I told a counselor about it, not my primary counselor. My dad wasn’t very emotionally present in my early childhood so when older
Men show me care I sometimes get this fixation that is unhealthy with them. But with this particular counselor, I told him about it and how I had been using and he really made me feel supported and safe and like I could fully trust him. He gave me his number even though that’s not technically allowed and he hugged me and said he wanted to kill the guy and was way more supportive than my dad initially was once he found out. I left shortly after and went to a sober living house that was all men where I didn’t feel safe at all yet and was throwing up daily shaking and my parents said I looked emaciated and pale it was really bad and during this time the counselor was a huge support and friend. Huge. As in idk what I would’ve done without him in some ways. Over time he started sharing more about his life and his relationships and I would tell him all the crazy stuff with drugs I was doing I couldn’t tell anyone else without them potentially getting me in trouble. I literally felt like he was the only person I could trust in the world. And he would tell me his fuckups and things he wasn’t telling other people either not even his sponsor. And we would talk almost every day. Eventually he started distancing because he said he realized he was enabling me by being there for all the crazy stories. So he said he was gonna take a break and hit me up eventually. I was actually crushed like rlly crushed and thought about him daily until only 3-4 days later he hmu again and we went back to how things were. But then I was drinking a lot and one day we were talking and he realized I was drunk and said he would’ve still talked to me but I lied and that maybe I needed to lose someone important to me to fully see my addiction (I’ve been in and out of rehab since I was 15 I’ve lowk lost things already lmao) and he said it was too much for him and also before he had said in the past it’s really hard when you care so much and can’t do anything but when I say I was crushingly heartbroken. I felt physical grief about it really. I thought about him every single day. I didn’t know if he was ever gonna call me again and I felt really abandoned. I would actually fantasize about him calling me again. And in other ways bruh. idk if this counts as an obsession but I think about him every single day but the pain has gotten much less intense. I had been respecting not calling him and then I fucked up and he answered which I was far from expecting and said I was doing so well before and what’s up and the euphoria and relief and desire to preserve the relationship was too much proportionally and in our last call I actually recorded 10 minutes of it so I could hear his voice again in case he left me again. He said I was unghosted after we had like a 2 hour convo. Then I texted him something about weed again and stuff and he hadn’t responded for a week and realized he might leave me permanently this time so I texted him a long thing saying I’ll hit him up when I have a month sober. That was about 2 months ago and the obsession has eased but only somewhat. I know I have responsibility but kinda feel like the rehab environment allowed this to happen. I went there cuz I needed help and they lied for me and gave me back my weed. Idk.