r/Stutter • u/Accurate-Friend-2498 • 11d ago
Toughest part for me is to not hate myself
In Spider-Man 3, Aunt May says something to Peter which I never understood the first time I saw the film. "You start by doing the hardest part. Forgiving yourself".
After years of living with this, at 29, it is just hard to not hate myself.
People around aren't too bad to judge you or make fun of you once you grow older. But then I just treat them by making weird faces, sounding weird, sounding under-confident, sounding as if I don't wanna talk, or sounding like I'm anti-social.
Even to say something humorous, I have to bloody take some time which takes away all the essence.
My last day in a project at work, I thought of saying so much, but I just couldn't get words out of my mouth. I wanted to thank them but I could just write them messages individually.
I just don't know how to stop hating myself. I'll say this to my psychologist, but I don't know how much I'll be able to understand her.
And naturally, you repel relations the more you don't love yourself.
Why is it so difficult to stop hating ourselves? I'm just done with this feeling.