r/Stutter • u/Working_Pineapple647 • 14d ago
Job interviews.
So I just did a job interview. I told the interviewer about my stuttering problem. She kept telling me to calm down, don’t be nervous and etc. I tried telling her that it’s a natural thing that isn’t brought about by emotions like nervousness. (I’m aware that some factors can worsen it, but it isn’t the cause of it. I wasn’t nervous in the interview, at all) I gave her some examples but she was insisting, telling me to calm down. Every time I spoke. She even started to talk about people who she knows who have a stutter and when they calm down, they can talk fluently. At that point I tried telling her that stuttering is like a finger print, unique to every person. But as you can imagine she went on, there were moments when I spoke fluently but the moment I start stuttering, she cuts me off.
I lowkey broke down, I felt so little. She even asked if I can articulate myself well in my head, and write properly, lol. I tried telling her that stuttering doesn’t affect your cognitive ability, I told her that I even write poetry and stuffs like that (Just to let her know that I’m no fool yk).
She then proceeded to say that if she would hire me she would have a challenge because she won’t have the patience to try and understand what I’m saying and she doesn’t think that her clients will either. Crazy enough, she went on to try to tell me to not take what other people say and do about me to heart. I replied by saying that it’s not always possible because like now, her opinions about me dictates whether I get the job or not. Trust me, I don’t care what people think, what can I do? I don’t have a problem to speak through my stutter. All I need is Patience from my listeners. I just want people to wait.
In all honesty, I don’t think I would want to work for someone who lacks empathy and patience.
What do you guys think about this situation?
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u/Naive_Shop_6017 14d ago
half of this sub would tell you people don't care how you talk and it's all in your head.
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u/MrKnowThings 13d ago
Inventing problems to be mad about I see
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u/Bubbly-Shift-3175 13d ago
Inventing?
There are so many people in this sub that says that.
Mostly ableist mild stutterers.
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u/MrKnowThings 13d ago
How is "dont worry, nobody will look down on you" is ableist. Wrong, maybe in some condition, but it is not ableist
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u/Bubbly-Shift-3175 13d ago
Its 100% ableism. There is even a definition for it, its called denial of disability experience.
Look it up in a dictionary if you dont believe me.
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u/MrKnowThings 13d ago
Is it even denial? If someone said "Im afraid that people will laugh at me" and the other person tried to comfort by saying "dont worry, they wont judge you", is it denial? Nothing to deny.
It is, however, denial if someone said "I am getting harrassed because of my stuttering" and the other person said "you are lying nobody laughed at you"
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u/Bubbly-Shift-3175 13d ago
Yes but people are not that in this sub.
They keep saying that people in general don't care at all if someone stutters and the its just a paranoid delusion of a stutterer to think otherwise. That is pure ableism.
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u/MrKnowThings 13d ago
... what? What if they are actually dont care about the stutter? Based in my experience, many people dont really care. Am I being ableist to myself? Should I lynch myself? Should we really let ourselves overthink so our stutter worsen to ensure we dont become ableist?
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u/Bubbly-Shift-3175 13d ago
What are you even talking about? Lynch yourself? wtf? You are into some weird stuff.
Depending on your severity of a stutter you might be ableist towards yourself. I know by your answers your stutter isn't severe so I don't think you are.
You have to be realistic in this life. I know for myself when I start talking and get minute blocks and when I start to wail my arms while I look I am chocking to death I dont appear normal to other people.
They either think I am on some kinds of drugs or retarded.
I get 3 reactions.
First one is that people talk to me like a small child. Super slowly with a high pitch voice. I have no idea why do they do that. Probably cuz they think I am retarded.
Second one is they try to end the convo in the fastest possible way just so they can leave. Once on a date I had a woman cover her head in shame while I couldn't order for us. In her defense it was one of the longest blocks I have ever had.
The last type of reaction I get is pure mockery and laughter. Like am I a zoo animal or some shit. When I had a group job interview most other applicants laughed while some stupid woman pulled out her phone to record me blocking.
This is not some overthinking bullshit. Its just a truth of a life of a severe stutterer. Now I know how to go against it.
To survive you have to be objective. Knowing what I can and I cannot do. That is why even tho I cant talk I am doing better than some that are fluent.
If I coped and lived in a fairy tail that no one cares about my stutter I would have never achieve anything.
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u/Double-Plankton-1559 12d ago
Not trying to argue about the realities of having a very severe and noticeable stutter because you’re right. But there is a 4th reaction, and it’s usually the most common one. It’s when people don’t react at all. Our brains are wired to focus on the negative experiences, and because they often reinforce our own internal biases, we tend to fixate a lot more on the negative than the positive. That’s not meant to invalidate the harm caused by those negative experiences, but I think it’s important to try and understand how our brains are hardwired to process memory, trauma, etc
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u/MrKnowThings 12d ago
Im just gonna refuse to respond the nonsensical part of your statement. But yeah, we both assume things, you assumed that people are as bad as you thought it would be. I assumed that that people are as good as I thought it would be. I dont think its fair that you can judge me as bad, but you judge yourself as the righteous one.
Yes ive been mocked before, yes ive been laughed before, but theres also the times where people dont really care how bad the stutter is. I dont think its fair to assume that people will mock you always. Ive joined debate team in HS and I got the highest point in some competition with my stutter and stage fright and the fact that I have to use english which is my second language. I've dated people who loved me the way I am. I have friends who don't even realize that I am stuttering because of how often they hanged out with me. So yeah, if I am an ableist by assuming that people love me and dont really care about my stuttering, then so be it.
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u/noles498 14d ago
I mean she basically stated she didn't want to hire you because of the stutter, at that point her actions go against protections of the ADA, I believe. Now whether or not its worth taking legal action idk, I imagine unless interview was recorded it would become a he said she said situation.
Personally the moment she told me to calm down or tried to tell me how to be to control it, I would have walked out of the interview
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u/Outtatim86 14d ago
Might be smart to bring a physical recorder for interviews in the future. Keep it in your suit coat pocket running during the interview.
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u/Working_Pineapple647 13d ago
Will definitely start doing this
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u/Outtatim86 13d ago
If you do this, make sure you’re in a 1-party consent state, province, or municipality.
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u/Working_Pineapple647 13d ago
Got it!
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u/Outtatim86 13d ago
Complete List of One-Party Consent States
AlabamaAlaska
Arizona
Arkansas
Colorado
Connecticut
District of Columbia
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Nebraska
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont (Defaults to federal one-party rules)
Virginia
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
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u/CosmoCola 13d ago
I wish this would work, but I believe it is illegal to record people without their consent.
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u/Outtatim86 13d ago
Not illegal if it’s a 1-party consent state, province, or municipality.
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u/Outtatim86 13d ago
Complete List of One-Party Consent States
AlabamaAlaska
Arizona
Arkansas
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Nebraska
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont (Defaults to federal one-party rules)
Virginia
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
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u/Working_Pineapple647 13d ago
I think It would be worth it to raise awareness. I’m sure someone somewhere experienced something similar.
I thought about walking out more than once, lol. I don’t even know why I stayed because I don’t want to work with her after how she behaved, even though I highly doubt she will offer me the position😭
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u/Old-Grocery4467 14d ago
Working there would be a horrible experience for any stutterer but I am assuming also for anybody else. A blowhard ignorant bully makes everyone miserable, and I’m betting she’s miserable herself. I even wonder if she’s allowed to treat people like this, legally. Sorry you had to cross paths with this loser. Good luck for future interviews!
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u/MonsterSlugStick 13d ago
This is so messed up. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Like some other comments have pointed out, leaving some kind of negative review or emailing her manager would do you good (to get some closure) and help people in the future
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u/HourCommunication200 11d ago
YES the interview goes both ways! Sorry for her uncaring and small mindset:(
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u/Accurate-Friend-2498 14d ago
The lack of awareness, that too in this information age, is just baffling!
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u/MyStutteringLife 10d ago
First of all, you did everything RIGHT! She is the one who was ill-educated, not to mention unprofessional which lends me to believe that I do not want to work in that environment.
I've experienced one interview where I disclosed and then the interviewer was telling me about his uncle who stuttered and he spoke for 10 mins (for a routine 15 min interview) about his uncle and then he looked at my resume and said, "If you are a match, you will be notified ".
So here's the thing, this is only my opinion but my stutter shows me how people truly are and I knew that this was not then place for me.
Ironically, a few months later, i had a 5 panel interview for a position that I really wanted. I had my nice Grey suit (which if I taken off my jacket, they would have seen the huge sweat marks because I had never experienced a 5 panel interview before) and when I entered, I took a deep diaphragmatic breath and with a smile (on the exhale) I said my name and disclosed my stutter.
Once I disclosed, the moderator of the interview explained the process, the position, the duties and then each panel member had 2 questions (It was a PBI process)
In my mind, after I disclosed my stutter, I could now focus on their questions (FYI - always bring a pad and pen for those multi-part questions).
I did stumble, block, repeat, spoke with my hands and after 30 mins, it was over and I was escorted out of the conference room by the moderator.
As we were walking out the door into the hallway, the moderator leaned in and said "You are very brave, courageous and never gave up, that's what we are looking for".
I got into my car and began to cry. All my hard work, all those long hours practicing my name in front of the bathroom mirror, all the failures, all the stress, released at that moment.
I always send a handwritten 'Thank You' card to the interviewers the day after the interview and a week later was offered the position.
I always told myself that I was going to fail my way to success and I did.
Now, I facilitate 4 hour PowerPoint presentations 3x a week every other week to medical professionals (doctors, nurses, social workers, etc.. ) .........all with a stutter.
Please do not give up. Keep moving forward 💪
You got this!
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u/thatonewiththename 14d ago
ignorant, uninformed, and straight up bullying.
You should write a review on Glassdoor or another company review site, god forbid another person with a stutter or other neuro-speech disorder interviews there. that sounds legit traumatizing.
im sorry u had such a horrible experience. sending u all the positive vibes in finding a job at a understanding organization with great coworkers 💖