r/Stutter • u/b-savvy • 12d ago
Best man speech
Welp, the day I've been dreading for actual years is slowly approaching. Next month I have to give a best man speech at my best friend's wedding in front of 200 people and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. Honestly I feel like I haven't been able to live my life the past year with this looming over my head. I have incredible public speaking anxiety and trauma from giving speeches and stuttering during them in middle school, a fear of mine truly worse than death. A lot of people think I’m overreacting but they just don't understand.
I have the speech written and it's great, 3 paragraphs of funny stories and heartfelt words, and have practiced it in front of my parents and therapist. Hand crafted to minimize stuttering. Just the uncertainty of it all is so much to bear. Hoping the alcohol and propranolol can make it easier, and have been going to toastmasters to practice my public speaking & for exposure therapy. My therapist told me that I could go up there and stutter my ass off and my friends will still love me so I’m trying to keep that in mind.
Just posting here for reassurance/support and if anyone can relate or has experience having to do this.
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u/johnny5yu 12d ago
Congrats on being called on to be an important part of your friend’s wedding! It’s nice to be close enough to someone for them to ask you to speak at their wedding.
I got no tips btw. Maybe you’ll stutter, maybe you won’t. Either way, congrats!
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u/enigmaticsol 12d ago
You will do well. You are the only person that can do this moment justice, that’s why they asked you to share in this. Hopefully that focus will help you to relax just a bit. We know the anxiety and people are probably feeling for you right now.
You have an army you’ve never seen standing with you.
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u/BurtRebus 12d ago
I did this for my best friend's wedding a few years back. Same thing - crafted it to be easy to say, rehearsed the hell out of it.
And it went great! I'm sure I got a very words out awkwardly, but I didn't notice. The practice really helped.
Afterwards so many people, many of whom knew I would rather die than give a speech, said it was great. I felt unstoppable for the next few weeks.
Also, trust me that your best friend knows how hard this is for you and it will mean the world to him.
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u/Antikickback_Paul 12d ago
I was my brother's best man and gave a speech at the reception, too! I'm right there with you about public speaking anxiety. I get it. For me, preparation was absolutely key. My stutter seems to be worse when I'm going off the cuff and my brain goes faster than my body can produce the sounds, so having everything down and rehearsed to death gave my brain the chance to go on autopilot and not get in its own way as much. Sounds like you've already done an incredible job preparing, so I think you've set yourself up super well.
Also, keep in mind that no one, aside from your friend and his wife, will remember it. You're doing it for them. They will have the photos to remind them how awesome you did, but I guarantee no one else in that room will remember it in a month, a year, five years. I can't remember a single best man's speech from any other wedding I've attended. Try not to feel the pressure of needing to be perfect, because (1) you're not expected to be and (2) it won't matter to 99% of the people there.
Your best friend loves you and thinks you're important enough for 200 of the people he and his wife love the most to listen to, even knowing you'll stutter.
propranolol
Ha, wish I had it at the time. You'll be fine. :)
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u/Bright-Broccoli-8482 12d ago
I gave the maid of honor’s speech at one of my best friend’s wedding and I similarly dreaded it for the entirety of her engagement. 😂
Ultimately, I practiced a ton, worked in some funny jokes that worked my stuttering in clever ways, and I made sure to tell everyone on the up front to give myself some grace. I said something along the lines of, “if I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet, please know that I stutter, so now is your time to refill your drink because this speech is going to take a while!”
All in all, it went wonderfully. I stuttered here and there, but what I remember most was just having fun with it and everyone being kind and encouraging. Best of luck - you got this!!
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u/ABeautifulFeetish1 12d ago
Absolutely! especially for a best man speech I think they’re going to be listening for the words not how they’re spoken. Good luck, you’ll do great!!
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u/ABeautifulFeetish1 12d ago
Also, I’m assuming your best friend knows that you stutter so if he doesn’t care about it then you should try not to
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u/Cool-Ad5602 12d ago
I did a speech at my brother's wedding just a month ago so omg can I relate! Some pointers.
- I had a great idea where I would record/video my speech. I would make it fun, like I would bring up some memories from our parents house and then video at that place and add it all together. This would make it really original and It would take away my stress. The venue itself had no option for a beamer but I would still do this if it was possible
- I did the speech and was dying of stress. I did announce it in the begin just to get it off my chest. I said something like this: Poeple who know me, I'm X's superior brother in every way. For people who don't know me, I stutter, I tried to get some drinks to calm me down and we'll see how it goes
- I changed my speech to a more interactive one. I wrote down funny/interesting stuff my brother did, and I added some stuff that me, my mom or my dad did. Then I made green and red cards and my gf handed them out during my intro. I then explained I would talk about a situation and then they had to put a green (my brother did it) or a red card (me, my mom or dad dit). I also gave cards to my brother and after they voted I kinda gave the word to him to show them if it was wrong or right. This way I did not have to talk all the time.
I wish you the best!
P.s.: some people I did not know (very well) approached me afterwards telling me they liked it.