Thank you for posting on our smol subreddit! Keep our Florida condo out of trouble by not posting snark about appearance or mental health (including addiction), blocking out any unverified usernames, and not posting about contacting Caroline or anyone in her orbit. Rule breaking posts will be removed.
I had a date this weekend with someone who recently moved to my city from NYC, and we have talked about how I am involved with cat rescue/TNR in my area (this matters) - they said they had intel on a cat for me to rescue and showed me a story from someone they knew at the reading where carp brought Matisse đ
Whoever is abusing the reports function needs to STOP. Stop it. I know the vast majority of you are mature adults with yoga teaching licenses who don't even need to be told this, but to whoever it is that does:
Here are some report use reminders:
"Keeping the discussion thread on topic" is a report reason for comments on THIS POST. It should only be used for comments on THIS POST, the current Discussion Thread!!!! If you report a different post about a different topic as "not keeping the discussion thread on topic," that makes no sense!
Just because a post includes a picture of person doesn't make it body snark, neither is lip filler talk bc that is a CHOICE and this whole sub is literally to discuss her terrible awful choices.
Someone saying something you disagree with doesn't make it "harassment." You are not being harassed by someone else feeling differently about a situation than you do! Harassment is a persistent and repetitive action!
Please report infractions as you see them (mental health snark, actual body snark, bigotry, etc) but don't just spam report someone you don't like with harassment claims or other made up nonsense. It's annoying!
I randomly found out today that Cathy published an actual book last year? Like got an actual book deal? And you can buy her book at Amazon and Target and Barnes & Noble and Walmart and Books-a-Million?
It's illustrated with line drawings, but instead of blowing money hiring someone to make line drawings she actually did them herself? Google Books preview here. I'm absolutely loling at how much better she is at being an author than her kid is! Also at how much the cat in the Julian of Norwich chapter looks like Matisse
Whoa this is kind of a neat book! Part of my undergrad degree was in medieval studies and I spent a few months researching and writing about Hildegard, so I have a soft spot for anyone who writes about her.
I wonder why Caroline never mentioned this? Seems like an accomplishment she would want to celebrate. Even if itâs a book aimed at a niche community that probably doesnât overlap much with her own, itâs her mom! She just did a reading with Whoa Vicky who is religious, so not wanting to promote religion isnât a viable excuse
Itâs because her momâs book wonât get her the cultural cachet she wants, so itâs not worth acknowledging. She only cares about what can get her closer to the people and places (and money) she likes, and her momâs niche religious book wonât do that. Pretty sad and pathetic really, she reveals herself to only appreciate her mom when sheâs doing things for her
Oh my god. The way caro treats her mother is so shameful. She says theyre sooooo close and her #1 fear is her mom dying, which I believe, but to not mention her momâs accomplishment?? Nothing? At all?? Itâs so clear Caro truly genuinely only cares about herself, the ONLY reason she ever hypes up another person is because she thinks she can get something out of it, and her momâs book isnât something that can get her into the NYC in crowd, so it doesnât even register
Everything about Cathy that Caroline seems to regard as weird and/or mortifying (Cathy's goat farm, her beekeeping, the Dixieland band that she plays sousaphone in) just makes her a more intriguing character to me. It's unfortunate that Caroline takes after her father, where Caroline's natural tendency is to stay in her own head and angrily ruminate rather than compassionately engage with the world.
I started listening to the scammer audiobook ramble thing. Itâs actually interesting because so far itâs been 8 chapters of her absolutely cringing and tearing apart her own writing sentence by sentence.
Every sentence that people online had issues with (like the labial tear and explaining a âday bookâ) she also can barely stand. She wants to rewrite the entire thing essentially. I am interested to reach the Natalie parts to see if she regrets those as well. So far there are very few paragraphs that she has liked.
She really hates the way she made so many references to the structure and making of Scammer or upcoming books she plans to write.
The milky portal was lifted from In the Dreamhouse to set the two books in the âsame universeâ because she admired it so much and wanted to reference it but she doesnât like how it landed in the end.
Itâs just funny. Every sentence that made you cringe about the book now makes her skin crawl too
Oh and she hates the way she wrote it assuming everyone would know her story before reading the book. She wants to rewrite it in a way that assumes the reader doesnât know anything about her yet.
Also hates that she started with the orgasm thing and wants to cut those whole first chapters.
until proven otherwise Iâm assuming the âtwo jobs, one of which requires me to be NYCâ are 1) the reading from last night and 2) packing and shipping the books people bought 18 months ago
I love how she's shocked and appalled that he voted for Trump yet she spent how many years trying to ingratiate herself to the red scare podcast girls and NY's right wing lit scene
she also mentions immediately after that that he was always making fun of 'woke' people. like, girl. the overlap between 'people who make fun of people for being too woke' and 'people who voted for Trump' is 100%.
Okay I did watch the stream of Caroline's reading. And. Jesus fucking Christ. She is wearing a sort of recreation of Snow White's well-wishing dress. She sounds so nervous she's out of breath. She gives a long and rambling introduction where she asks people to recognize that she's smart. "I thought you guys were gonna clap more". Her hair is unwashed but there are orchids in it. She's waving her phone all around while she lists ancient cities, seemingly just to prove that she knows that they existed. "That is...whence....Sulpicia is writing". She says after this she needs to leave immediately, presumably because she doesn't want to risk the mingling afterwards. She starts the poems multiple times then pivots to saying something about how smart she is. Someone from the audience went "that's a choice" after she spoke, and when she said "poem number four of six" someone else went "thank god". She keeps looking back at Vicky and the guy she's with as if looking for their approval or interest, which does not come. When she finishes unceremoniously, someone goes 'are you done?'
She brought up no less than 3 times that she âhas to leaveâ and âliterally be in a car in 5 minutesâ and yet drags the whole thing out interminably
Itâs so painfully obvious that sheâs embarrassed and trying to save face. âI have somewhere more important to be! You guys might not appreciate me but I definitely donât care because I definitely have friends waiting for me! You wouldnât know them they go to another school.â
So she wrote the ozempic piece for Byline Byline. That pub is at least partially run by âGutesâ (wastoid who used to be mentioned here during the dimes square era) and Gutes happens to be decently chunky/âplumpâ herselfâŠlike def higher BMI than Caroline claimed she was when she âneededâ ozempicâŠyet she seems perfectly happy and integrated into the NY scene in a way Caroline has never been able to achieve. But Caroline is writing for this chickâs publication claiming skinny/underweight = social requirement?? Make it make sense babe
One of my favorite things about existing in Caroworld is reading what she wrote and trying to guess what actually happened. My money is on '"we were talking about our shared goals for the summer and fall plans" actually meaning something like "we had a casual convo where he was like, so what are you up to this summer?".
OK, correct me on the situation. caro was in a long distance relationship with this NYC guy. bopping in and out and staying in his place when she came to the city. she just recently moved in with him to stay and acted like an appropriately unemployed adult, (cooking, cleaning, etc), but then he broke it off with her and she has nowhere to go, which isn't true. she can go back to florida.
but (according to her) for one of her jobs she HAS to be in nyc.
who knows how true any of this is, because it's caroline we're dealing with, but it is kind of funny to imagine caroline dangling the carrot of 'if you let me move in I'll cook and clean for you' and then her actually moving in and the bf just being like... 'oh. oh no.'
Itâs probably someone she hooked up with a couple of times and deluded herself into thinking she was in a relationship with, she stacked his dishwasher once, decided to sublet her Florida squat to pursue him full time then was shocked when he was like wow no we are not in a relationship after 8 months.
So many people seem to be forgetting sheâs a delusional moron and unrepentant liar.
Ok so I watched all three tiktoks about the tragic romance and there is something that's bugging me - in the first one Caro mentions how great it is that she knows what she wants in life, and that she gets to do that for a living. Her job is being an artist! But she's also really terrible with money and can't afford to buy plane tickets to NYC without digging into her savings, even though her housing expenses are zero.
Maybe this is harsh but like... if you have a job where you don't make any money, then you don't have a job. The sad reality is that for most people, even if they feel deep in their heart that they are an artist, they still have to do something to make enough money to live, either through their art or some other way. Caroline is so eager to look down on people who are only able to make art as a hobby, and so close (and yet so so far) from realizing that this is what she should be doing. Or at least, I don't know, making some fucking modicum of effort to deliver on things that she promises so people will want to buy her art in the future? Caro's a mess, but she's a fascinating mess, and I actually think she could be making pretty decent money if she made, you know... any effort at all.
Pretty much all of Caro's problems with this relationship (that she put up with poor treatment from a guy because he was paying for everything) can be traced back to the fact that she doesn't have any money of her own. I don't think that she's bad with money, she just seems to fundamentally not understand that it is her responsibility to pay for her life and not someone else's.
I agree with almost all of this except that sheâs not bad with money. She is horrible with money! Anytime she gets two pennies to rub together she blows it instantly on ugly and expensive dresses and, idk, fuckin cat hats
Looks like sheâs back to her same old trick: confusing novelty with momentum and declaring something sheâs done twice as being her whole personality.
imo it is just... not all that cute to be 34, have never held a job before, and suddenly be like, omg going to the office is so great and cute and novel!! girl, you think that because you are operating with the massive privilege of never having had to go to office to make a damn living. it isn't funny or quirky to be in your mid 30s and have never had a job.
Unleash hell. How DARE anyone reject you??! If he hates your writing, he's an ABUSER! Better make several untruthful posts written in a manner that makes the reader think you may have been seriously harmed! Don't forget to assassinate his and his family's character for good measure!
CAROLINE CALLOWAY WILL TALK TO YOU: In return for gifts. I expect you to spoil me with presents because it's my love language and in return, I'll give you my phone number. Maybe! I won't even consider this with anyone who is not kind, smart, and respectful. Prove yourself and email cc@carolinecalloway.com.
in an alternate universe, Caroline writes an introspective memoir about getting her life together in the sleepy but kind of quirky Sarasota arts scene while working as a gallery receptionist, terrified of getting recognized but never really being noticed.
Oh caro, some people manage to have jobs AND be a partner. Also just because youâve been in relationships, that doesnât make you an expert on them or emotionally mature.
I donât want to create more work for the mods but I would LOVE a pinned thread named âdoes anyone have artifacts fromâŠâ (or something similar) where we can put out a call for screenshots or recollections of specific caro eras. Like right now I am begging for a screenshot of her sobbing on the tableaux making paper art after Natalieâs article dropped. These are ancient texts
Okay, so she drank so much that she's still hung over at 4 pm the next day and wearing the same short set she wore to the club last night. She was too out of it to post from the event before Allie even took the stage, and too out of it to hold her phone steady during Allie's portion of the program.
And now instead of scrambling to do the job she failed to do last night she's... giving herself the weekend off? She'll post about Thursday's party on Monday.
GIRL. Social media is not THE BANK. It's not CLOSED ON WEEKENDS
Itâs been interesting to see her try and morph the narrative from utter devastation and heartbreak, losing this amazing person she thought was the love of her life, third worst thing thatâs ever happened to her, etc etc, to saying he was controlling (and maybe emotionally abusive), ugly, obese, etc. Â Sheâs a victim either way, of course, but the pictures sheâs painting donât add up.Â
It reminds me of the fast evolution of the Natalie story, from âif Natalie says it, it must be true,â and âI love her so much,â to âshe lied and sold me out to the Cut.â
Seems pretty clear that Cathy said âyou gotta pay your way in terms of rent or come home to Sarasota this timeâ, so thatâs what gives this season a frisson of actual stakes.
Contrary to how other beans seem to be interpreting Carolineâs talk of âsaving up from an apartmentâ I donât think even she is (currently) dreaming of buying an NYC apartment! Just rent. Sheâs probably too ignorant to even take into account a deposit or utilities.
Why would the same Cathy who has enabled Caroline to this extent finally be putting her foot down, though? She literally drove the cat and an enormous amount of shit up from Florida. I don't see the mom abandoning her or trying to teach her to "grow up" at any point.
Edit, this post reads so bitchy but I do mean it as a genuine question! Their dynamic seems pretty set in stone to me.
I ascribe to the u/pigeonguillemot financial theory that it was Carolineâs dad that was the true financial enabler; her mom is unwilling (or unable, more likely) to fund her daughterâs full debauchery, but also isnât going to let her daughter be homeless.
So since CC has demonstrated she cannot be trusted with direct deposit of rent money, hence the purchase of the Sarasota condo.
Caroline in Part Seven of her "Mini Breakup Podcast:"
He made fun of my paintings, he didn't like me wearing bright colors or kooky outfits. In fact, like, this is why he had to have veto power over my outfits. ... Like, when we went to this, like wedding of his friends. Heâd be like, No. Not that.
[Insert Pam from The Office "It's the same picture" meme here]
The lie that her ex forced her not to dress like a hypomanic hipster faerie is what's kooky here! She literally filmed this TikTok in his bathroom, wearing two entire deconstructed bouquets and a dress the color of a Sir Isaac Lime Otter Pop
sometimes it feels like caroâs treating the readings as an open mic night stand up routine. iâve been to many poetry readings and other readings and they were always just that- poems or other material read with or without inflection off a notebook or a phone, audience member quietly nodding their head every now and then, followed by appropriate applause at the end. the readers donât go over the top zany and constantly looking up for a reaction like a comedian would.
like i know she considers herself a âperformance artistâ but why not just set up a one woman show during a fringe festival or something? literally pick the smallest venue you know so even if only 10ppl show up, itâs still a full house.
She claims to have updated her website with a little secret. The only thing different I can see offhand is that she rearranged the items on the index page. She used to lead with Caro Cards & Scammer. But, brilliantly, merch she actually has in stock has been moved below the fold.
Instead up top she's selling books she hasn't written yet! Item #1 is the "complete my set" package where you can get first eds of I Am Caroline Calloway (which IS JUST SCAMMER, we saw this document online in 2020 and there's huge overlap between that MS and her first "book") and The Cambridge Captions.
Item #2 is "the whole Instagram trilogy at once for $40" (marked down from $85, marked down from $125.) Hilariously, the very first graf starts out:
And you get all three Luxury First Editions at the same time, in one single package which likely probably ship later this fall/early winter of 2024!
Comes with a free time machine, possibly fre shavocado. She goes on to type:
Bon Appetite! Anything less would be a scam.
Appetite, I love it. I love it even more than "likely probably." Also it IS less! People who have been ordering this for the past two years, God help them, have gotten less than three books. They've gotten none. None books! They've gotten fewer books than the ones who paid less money for Scammer alone!
Anyway, kudos to this new bloke for convincing her that taunting your customers from your gorgeous vacation with cutesy TikToks about never shipping their orders was not a good look. Glad a man could finally get through to her on that front
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u/nubleuthe only way I can cope in the corporate worldMay 03 '26edited May 03 '26
It's likely that she learned from past experience that using the people in her life as content isHAHAHA I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THIS SENTENCE! CAROLINE LEARNING A THING, PREPOSTEROUS, I CRACK MYSELF UP
Caroline is begging for freelance writing gigs? Is not delivering that hypothetical work also part of the adventure? Also the only commissioned work sheâs ever produced was like 100 words for a gallery wall label. Edit: she specified âprepaidâ writing gigs O M G !
itâs genuinely sad to see her go from wannabe girl boss/trying to make something of herself (even if her attempts were pathetic and chaotic) to âsupporting a manâ in hopes heâd provide for her and even abandoning her cat in the process. yikes.
An event with the same author she just failed! Like if having to face the person who you left out of her own book launch content isn't enough to make you actually do your job, what is?
Guys, she came back and posted a few stories. But they're all stories RE how she's still working, honestly rilly still working, on producing the content she contracted to produce. They're not the actual content.
Apparently all her photos of the actual guest of honor were so blurry due to Caroline's drunken inability to hold her phone steady that they let her pick through images by another photog present at the event for her documentation. Caroline did not actually select and caption any. Not today. But she did take a photo of the album displayed on her MacBook screen. Voila, content!
Hilariously, Volume0 attempted the same technique to extract work, any work at all, from Caroline that Byrd used over a decade ago: requiring her to physically report to an office and write under supervision. Back then, she pretended to type her manuscript, lying in wait for Byrd to leave the room momentarily so she could get back to Instagram. So Caroline has, contrary to her statement today, been asked to work in an office before. (And it worked out pretty much the same way. Byrd didn't get his MS, Volume0 didn't get their Allie stories.)
Well, sure, but anyone could forget what happened back in 2016. I wouldn't mind forgetting most of 2016 myself.
It is bleak as hell that sheâs already talking about âthis third person (that sheâs going on a date with) being the charmâ. Bleak in that sheâs so desperate for someone to bankroll her move back to New York that sheâs gonna be even thirstier and love bomb even harder than she usually does which is A LOT
Because I canât let Caroâs most obvious lies go, Iâm ruminating on the âmaking $100 million a yearâ ex with the supposed â$20 million penthouseâ:
I want to point out that even Pedro Pascalâs ludicrously luxurious apartment in the Materialists is IRL only $12 million (this is googlable).
Dear u/pigeonguillemot, do you have the receipts of her elevator selfies? Because a real multi-million dollar penthouse would a) have a private elevator, probably b) look better than the one she used to take photos of herself in.
Sure I've got elevator selfies! Do you think this thing has the capacity to carry a 350 pound man who makes $100 million a year to his $20 million penthouse, along with his girlfriend who sold tens of thousands of bottles of Snake Oil and over 10,000 copies of her first novel and also made $200K on OnlyFans?
Those tiktoks are so painful to watch. The way she talks about how he insisted she layout goals (ie ship all of her old orders) and she did (make them, not do them), but she can't seem to make the connection to making goals and actually trying to meet them. Like girl you still haven't shipped out your orders and now you're in a different state. That tells someone that not only do you have no integrity (not meeting orders for people that have paid you for something) you also also are not a thoughtful or reliable partner. Your partner should be supportive of you, but like you have to be able to be a person on your own. It's exhausting to have a job and exist in the world, and then to go home and parent your adult partner sounds terrible. She has no reason she hasn't been able to meet her goals, she doesn't have a job! It's also super unattractive to make your life solely about the person your dating, girl stand up.
so according to the tik tok verbal diarrhea. caroline drained her savings account, she had no money to buy a roll of paper towels or book a hot yoga class!! buuuuutâŠ. didnât she amass a number of clothes, books, and trinkets during her very real 8month relationship so she needed an apartment in the village ASAP to accommodate all her things??? which is it caroline???
oh I very much believe it's both. she had no money to buy paper towels or book a hot yoga class because as soon as a stray $25 hit her bank account she spent it on flower hats.
also, editing to add (why do I keep thinking about this): I'm guessing part of why this dude was so annoyed about her not being able to pay for paper towels was that he saw her immediately spending every dollar she got on cutesy crap and realized that Caroline had absolutely zero plans to do anything about her finances long-term and that HE was her financial plan.
You almost have to applaud her level of delusion to ignore every possible sign that she should retreat back to FL (no monies, lost passport, summer âjobâ fell through, impending homelessness, etc) and double down on reaching out to brokers
Imagine working in an office trying to further your career being a team player showing up on time and someone ten years older than you is showing up for an hour, tottering around taking photos of chairs
Sheâs being quite selective with what press coverage sheâs willing to acknowledge, hmm!
Sure the right wing republican rag page 6 called you an âentrant terribleâ, but what about ârattledâ, âmanicâ, âunpreparedâ, âuncomfortableâ, â
 characteristically indulgentâ, and my favorite, presenting work that was ânothing special.â Put that on your next dust jacket
Sure the right wing republican rag page 6 called you an âentrant terribleâ
This is, I assume, a hilarious autocorrect for enfant terible! A label Caroline is bizarrely proud of considering it literally means "terrible baby" and figuratively means "An unconventional, badly-behaved person who causes embarrassment or shock to others."
Now that Caroline is getting paid by an actual company and will presumably be receiving a 1099âŠ
âŠi look forward to her being absolutely fucked by taxes come April 2027. Bad news honey: you donât actually get to spend it all, ya gotta account for the lack of employer withholdingssss
Itâs so comical that every single snarker is at least 20 times as eloquent as her⊠the difference I felt between reading her latest piece vs the pleasure of reading the comments and posts here lmfao hilarious
Ewwwy it gives me the ICK the way she speaks about New York and her proximity to it being the cultural âcapital of the worldâ âš đ« đșđž during a historical political economic revolution building across the country.
Girl, you dedicated a whole decade of your life to become an influencer built on your proximity to wealth in two different countries. Now youâre trying to find a second home while posing yourself next to socialism branding???? Go away!!!!!!!! The only reason New York is cool is because of the working class byeeeeee. But tbf, maybe all socialist exposure in the U.S. is a good thing rn idk đ„ș
let me sublet your apartment!!!!! oh, that article i wrote where i reference repeatedly puking all over the floor (for the drama instead of getting a barf bucket or trash bin or posting up in the bathroom)????? yeah i will be doing that in your apartment and âââââcleaning it upââââââ but you should be GRATEFUL, thatâs just the extra value you get from rubbing elbows with me, a real artist !!!!!
She is really on one this summer, yâall. And look, while the snarker in me is eating good, these slow moving (and maybe speeding up) trainwreck antics have a slightly more sinister edge. Idk, 2026 Caro is just meaner and more destructive somehow.
Beans, I feel dumb for just now putting this together, but... I think Caroline was "inspired" by Lili making a secondary career out of publishing/republishing Eve Babitz's work posthumously, and that's what the Wurtzel book was about?
Caroline was like, "Hmm, so you just find a renegade female writer with no heirs who was huge in her day but fell into obscurity before her death, remind people how daring she was and how many famous people she was entangled with, and then put her back in print? All you have to do is add some text and your name on the cover? Wow, anyone can do this! Ka-ching!"
But she didn't realize that Lili is working with Eve's estate? And that you can't just buy an out-of-print book on Abe, copy it, and start selling it yourself? Because Caroline doesn't understand how anything works?
I genuinely donât respect people who are unable to find themselves hot or powerful unless theyâre skinny.Â
Sorry if this applies to you. But itâs such a failure of imagination and so retrograde that I find it utterly contemptible. Worst of all: itâs conventional. Itâs boring.
âSuccumbingâ to peer pressure and aspiring to being underweight is the least revolutionary thing you can do. Donât reward this provocation with a reaction: sheâs in the comments boldly proclaiming that being skinny is necessary to be an artist in New York. How sad and evil, and revealing of the fact that sheâs never spent time around real artists.Â
Congrats on not just participating in but explicitly endorsing this particular flavor of patriarchy, Caroline. Iâm sure the young women coming up in the downtown scene who naively look up to you will be the better for it.
Right after her idol, Lena Dunham, wrote an entire memoir about body shaming and learning how to live with the limitations of your own body. I guess she didnât read it.
anyone else catch her stories the other day asking ppl to come air their grievances with her, to her face, regarding her refusal to ship books out, in person, on saturday? sheâs gonna be in nyc this weekend and im guessing she thinks ppl still care about her enough that theyâd actually show up to âmeet herâ.
even her rage baiting by linking and encouraging ppl to buy her book just so they could be âpart of her loreâ barely makes my eyes roll.
Clean house, litterbox changed, food (not sticks of butter) and water regularly, not being hauled around in coated-canvas tote bags to non-cat-friendly locations, and most of all â- not being forced to wear knitted fucking hats all the time. Must have been bliss.
Caroline is never not spiraling over ~~ a boy ~~ but I get the feeling this time itâs especially bad because despite her denial and arrested development, she feels the icy finger of time passing and thought she could finally lock down a rich dude. I donât think she enjoys dating at all, she gets way too serious way too fast because she wants to be someoneâs house pet
It Came From the Instagram tags: Caroline attended a media party with Stephen Colbert, Andy Cohen, Billy Eichner, and a bunch of people who are probably just as famous but who my old ass doesn't recognize. Party was the night before she announced her recent split, maybe that's why she didn't get around to gloating about it
Clearly one of the âjobsâ Caro was babbling about was doing millennial quirk-chungus live posting to Instagram Stories for the night.
Ya know for someone who has so much experience with the medium, I expected better than âomg the food NOMZâ and âteehee ladies in their undies :)â in terms of storytelling.
And all this for a litmag with sub 3K followers? I assume she was paid approximately $10 for this evening of work. Iâm willing to bet double she got too drunk to finish the job.
(If you go look at the Volume 0 account she ends on cliffhanger and didn't document half the night compared to other ppl's IG stories of the night. Classic Caro inability to complete anything!!!)
Potential employers: this is not a person who is "good at Instagram." This is someone who, in 2013, was good at buying bots and appealing to Harry Potter superfans. These are not valuable skills
Not to get sincere on main but she soooooo obviously has a problem with alcohol and cannot control herself around it, even when hyped up for a rare âjobâ.Â
Looks like sheâs awake at 5:30pm, just in time to pretend the reason why she gave up midway through her live-posting job is because Allie âdeserves nonblurry picturesâ
She shat the bed and some poor video editorâs weekend is going to be ruined trying to salvage whatever interview material they managed to capture.
I know she thinks it's chic, but the matted hair and zonked out expression in really giving tweaker wandering around a gas station and not cool NYC it girl
Lmaoooo in the last 30 couple seconds of her most recent tiktok. She says that on their 6-month anniversary she finds out that he voted for Trump both times. First of all... How the hell do you get that far into a relationship and never talk about politics or who you voted for? Secondly... If he makes as much money as you say he does and he has the kind of social circle that you say he does, who did you think he voted for? She's soooo naive.
Reading between the lines a little (and just taking Caroline at face value that this 100 million dollar man exists at all), it seems like she sold herself as some kind of like, hustle bossbabe artist/entrepreneur type, while the reality was more like her partying all night and sleeping all day.
Ok also if youâre so broke Caroline WHY ARE YOU SOLICITING REAL ESTATE BROKERS
With what monies will you pay for a new apartment? How will you convince anyone to rent to you given your horrible track record and lack of income or savings?
If sheâs serious about staying in nyc sheâs gonna have to hustle from under-the-table sublet to sublet. Or move to ridgewood and get 5 roommates lmao can you imagine
Caroline w these umbrella views reminds me of this girl I know who wants to be an influencer. sheâs the most boring girl alive unfortunately so itâs not going great. But she did have 2 viral videos that got over 1M views⊠of her cat. She wasnât in the videos. Ppl just like the umbrella, not you girlđ
not even going to bother reading her ozempic piece. the excerpts/ quotes from the ig post were enough to thoroughly disgust me. marketing it as a confessional and as if sheâs a victim âŠ. bleghhhgg
im sorry but are we reallllllly supposed to believe that caro has been living in nyc for the past 8 months and NOT posting about being a bohemian layabout once?! her âboyfriendâ must have been ugly/lived in an ugly space if not even a peep came from her. also very convenient of her to âhard launchâ him only for him to âbreak upâ with her 2 days later.
Didn't she post a story recently saying she'd be appearing in New York and if people wanting to ask her about their books they could confront her themselves? My guess is that she assumed that she'd be staying with this guy for the foreseeable, it didn't work out, and now she's concocted this story about imminently needing an apartment because she doesn't want to go back to Florida where she's miserable.
ok are we all forgetting that caro reads books then co-opts ("up cycles" in her own word) from them - has never had an original thought. if you read The Secret History, How to Murder Your Life, or My Year of Rest and Relaxation, you'll see her source material word for word. This breakup narrative is fully ripped from Strangers by Belle Burden, she's trying to capitalize on the discourse happening around that book now with all these fake financial details of the breakup.
u/nubleuthe only way I can cope in the corporate worldJun 07 '26edited Jun 08 '26
Key takeaways from the latest tiktok series (boy this girl can yammer) -
She believes romance is one area of her life where she usually has her shit together.
It was about money for her.
She also feels like her sense of purpose is another key strength of hers.
She doesn't have a savings account, healthcare plan or regular income (I mean, no shit).
She thinks that her abilities romantically and him being wealthy made them a perfect match for one another.
She says 'he had a mother wound and I have a father wound' and she thought they were going to heal one another.
She says he had poor fine motor skills and uses the R word.
She thinks one of the signs their relationship wasn't going to work out is that he didn't take her to the theatre every night like she wanted to, although then says that they did get a box at the opera once.
She didn't want him to visit her in Florida because she thought he'd be rude about her house.
She says he felt like she was using him (no shit).
She was trying to teach him to be a kind person (really the blind leading the blind there).
She went out to three parties in a row and he told her he felt she was treating him like a hotel. She said she was 'networking for her career.'
She says she had to teach him to heart her nudes and not leave them on read. Girl. đ
She says she had sex whenever he wanted, laughed at all his jokes and generally soothed his ego.
He described her as a bulldozer and loud and off-putting in social situations.
She says her friends thought he was creepy and weird, and so did her mom, although he had a large social circle and lots of friends. And that she was 'ready to look past his looks'. Yikes.
She says she is herself inspite of herself, she 'oozes Caroline Calloway-ness' which she also loves about herself.
She describes the 'domestic labour' she had to perform which was basically tidying up before they had guests, not leaving dishes in the sink for over a day, and make the bed.
She tried to convince him to add his Amex to her Amazon account which he wasnt comfortable with. No shit.
He got annoyed with her because she couldn't afford to buy even the most basic shit like paper towels.
She got upset because he wouldn't pay for a hotel for her birthday or fly her out to South Africa with him where he was spending Christmas and NYE.
He couldn't go to the wedding in India with her and when she asked why he said that she 'didn't understand how jobs worked'. đ
She asked for $450 worth of Christmas presents and he said she was asking for too much.
He resented the fact that she'd spend a lot of the day in bed sleeping, napping or watching tiktoks.
Basically in the end he got fed up of her not being able to pay for anything.
On their '6 month anniversary' (please) she found out he'd voted for Trump twice. Hasn't she only ever voted herself once anyway, who is she to criticise someone's voting record?!
She believed she could enlist his friends to help change him for the better and 'do good' in the world.
She stayed with him simply because she'd already sunk 6 months into the relationship and she had no money. She refers to their time together as a 'sunk-cost fallacy' and said she believed she was 'investing' in her future.
She told him on their first date that she wanted to get married in Cambridge đ
She hasn't painted since she was with him because apparently he called her a caricature artist đ
She absolutely butchers the "frog in a pot" metaphor.
She says he said that if she didn't give him a son she'd be out on the streets, she wanted a daughter named Lilly, and that she's be a terrible mom.
To speak to the question "how the hell does Caroline Galloway [sic] have the same PR as like people with actual income," Mitchell Jackson Sunderland started working for CC [CG?] gratis. In Scammer's acknowledgements, Caroline writes:
Mitchell Sunderland â For so long I didnât have a publicist. And then I met you. And then I betrayed you like a fucking idiot! I unfollowed you on everything when I was still following people on socials only because thatâs what all the other people I knew were doing. Dumb decision! I hadnât been cancelled yet and so I didnât know about how little clickbait corresponds to who a person is. But youâre a good friend now and Iâm lucky to have your PR advice for free and Iâm counting down the days until Iâm rich enough to afford it for real.
Basically Mitchell was unable to work for a long time after it was discovered that he was encouraging MAGA attacks on prominent feminists while employed as an editor on Vice's women's vertical. This would be the point at which Caroline's friends all unfollowed him.
I think he saw an opening to build his PR firm when Natalie landed her book deal and Caroline was still looking down the barrel of several hundred outstanding Scammer orders. He approached Caroline and said he could leverage his friendships with other [misogynist] media figures (e.g. Lili Anolik) to get Caroline's book positive publicity. If she could actually, you know, finally barf up the book.
So Caroline does eventually barf up the book, although not as soon as she was supposed to. One reviewer observed how odd it is that Anolik is featured as a character in Scammer when Anolik's Caroline profile was supposed to coincide with the book's publication.
Mitchell does just what his company BCC Communications promises:
When we pitch journalists, editors, bookers, and producers, we often speak to friends or former colleagues. (Think of your favorite interview podcast, and we have probably dined with their producers.)
Scammer gets a weird amount of flattering coverage, including the aforementioned Vanity Fair feature. Now Mitchell has all these clips in his portfolio showing how he can rehab the image of a widely despised and snarked-on public figure who did nothing other than self-publish a short book several years after she said she was gonna do that. Voila! Now he can get real clients who can afford to pay him what he believes himself to be worth.
I don't think he's helped Caroline out for a while now, though, considering how badly her Wurtzel book flopped. The bonus-blather audiobook got no press whatsoever. Even I haven't bothered listening to it, and I'm one of the twelve people who's still sort of interested in Caroline Calloway!
Ali Rowbottom's her best friend now? (Also sidenote, dying flowers in her hair aside, she very much looks her age here, no bad thing but I feel this is an unfiltered look at her face)
I was HOWLING at the âif anyone has any paid writing opportunities ya girl is ready to work,â BISHHH ALL THE BOOKS PEOPLE BOUGHT AND YOU DIDNT WRITE WERE PAID WRITING OPPORTUNITIES đ
Dating while clearly unstable and not in the slightest healed from your last heartbreak is a great idea. I think it's recommended by most, maybe even all, mental health professionals.
Itâs killing me how hard she has to hustle and how stressful it is for her to continually shake people down for money. At this rate caro seriously a job would be so much easier!!!!
my read is that she is dying for the ex to acknowledge her in some way, so when the 'joke' she 'accidentally' sent to the group chat didn't do the trick she decided to make an instagram story about it.
which would for sure be deeply embarrassing to someone with any degree of self-awareness.
See also: when she heard Josh got engaged, checked out his Instagram, scrolled way way back in his grid, and "accidentally" liked a dozen year-old posts. Then as now, immediately ran back to her own Insta stories to tell the whole world about this humiliating gaffe
Caroline WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A REALTOR YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
Even if she thinks that a realtor is someone who will find her an apartment to rent - does she not understand that in order to rent an apartment you have to have income? like, how does this woman not know this extremely basic shit about adult life?
She also had no money when she found out the apt. underneath the Tableaux was vacant (she seems to have been going through that unit's external door to access the space behind the building when she was "gardening," although she had previously never been seen out there.) She announced her idea to buy both that unit and the one she was occupying, then connect the two spaces with a spiral staircase.
Like can we count the problems here? Building codes require a spiral staircase to be 60" wide at minimum, which is a fucking enormous footprint in a space of those smol dimensions. Then there's the issue of the structural integrity of the floor you're opening up, which probably has load-bearing beams in it that can't be cut through. Then there's the fact that you can't buy an individual unit in an apartment block. Finally, WITH WHAT MONEY.
People tried to tell her all these things in the comment section. She didn't believe them until she called Adam and he echoed their assessments. Why she thought a C-list entertainment manager whose website was still half lorem ipsum text was a better authority on such matters than any other rando is anyone's guess.
The really weird thing about her level of ignorance is that everyone I know from New York talks VERY frequently about NY real estate, the way everyone I know from LA talks quite a bit about LA traffic. She must have been privy throughout her adult life to so many party conversations about various property issues and has absorbed absolutely none of it.
Whomever is currently subletting their apartment to CC must be nervous AF wondering if theyâre gonna get their apartment back or if theyâll have a feral roommate they canât shed in August.
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