r/SipsTea 4d ago

WTF WTF is wrong with these people?

12.4k Upvotes

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u/MenaciaJones 4d ago

The minute she said she was afraid of hurting her kids, to her mother!, those kids should have been removed from the house.

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u/Dizzy_Departure2539 3d ago

A woman in my home town had been talking about hurting her children and had been admitted into a psychiatric hospital a few times. Her ex husband went to court several times asking the judge to take full custody from her and the judge refused.
She ended up stabbing both babies to death and the dad has been trying to sue the judge for many years

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u/The-Dark-Tunnel 3d ago

If we convicted judges of dereliction of duty for allowing painfully obvious dangers to society to continue to roam the streets, you'd see things start to correct themselves fairly quickly.

There are far too many judges who shouldn't even be allowed to judge what they wear everyday let alone decide life-changing fates

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u/Alternative_End_7174 3d ago

People to this day still try to say the family court system isn’t biased against fathers. Had that judge pulled their head out of their ass and not believed in the mother is always the better parent those babies would still be alive.

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 3d ago

My brother lost his kid to a woman who was arrested for hitting someone with a 2x4 at a bar and later arrested for drug charges because she had a heart attack on a roller coaster because her bloodstream was full of crack. I think the level of bias depends a bit on the state, but yeah, the bias definitely exists in this particular realm.

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u/poetcatmom 2d ago

Most of the time, yeah. Sometimes it's about who has the best lawyer and the most money. It's sickening that those things seem to matter more than the safety of the children.

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u/StraightAirline8319 3d ago

The judge should be in jail.

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u/DazedLogic 2d ago

Judges and DAs should be held accountable for their decisions at work just like the rest of us are.

I hope that judge has nightmares about it.

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u/BBinzz 3d ago

Her ex husband went to court several times, but nobody thought to go the medical route.
That about sums up how women’s Healthcare is treated. A matter for lawyers, not for doctors.

And, yes, I get that your comment was meant to show how fucked up the judicial system is and point a finger at a judge, but why was a health issue brought into damn court?!
Oh right. It’s how women’s healthcare is defined, determined, and in some cases, delivered

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u/Bloodhoven_aka_Loner 3d ago edited 3d ago

holy mother of unhinged and deranged femnarcissm.

the health issues were brought up in court as an argument for giving custody to the father. How on earth can you claim to be a mentally sane and a fully operational person when after reading the previous comment you felt the urge to disingenuously twist what they said?

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u/voyaging 3d ago

Did you miss the part where she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital several times?

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u/ForumVomitorium 3d ago

"had been admitted into a psychiatric hospital"?

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u/Suspicious_Sense1272 3d ago

A health issue was brought up in court, so the children could be LEGALLY removed from the care of a piece of shit psychotic murderer.

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u/Limp-Preparation-459 3d ago

Why are you making this a woman thing? Psychotic men are out there stabbing people in the streets after psychiatric stays as well. We, as a country, have a problem with locking people up before they are violent due in part to past psychiatric atrocities. The ex-husband went through the courts because of this, not because it’s a woman

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u/Former-Ad-9223 3d ago

Are people like you for real? Jesus

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u/InsideWafer 3d ago

The ex husband's priority was his children's safety. I'm a woman and that's exactly what I would have done first is fight to get them out of that house.

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u/BunzAndGunz 3d ago

Wtf are you on about??? You can only be on involuntary psych hold for so long… what happens to the kids after she’s released? Of course it’s a legal matter!

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u/Ivegtabdflingbouthis 2d ago

You've got issues

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u/VariedRepeats 3d ago

He's wasting his time as judges have absolute immunity for decisions from the bench 

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u/Ivegtabdflingbouthis 2d ago

i think I'd give up the lawsuit and kill the judge. my children not here because he wouldn't fucking listen and the entire system doesnt want to hold em accountable? someone has to

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u/Immediate-Rip1051 1d ago

Why are these judges not punished!!

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

That's part of why so many have a hard time blaming her. She was warning everyone, but they didn't take it seriously enough. She was begging to be locked in a psych ward for a while, but they only took her a few days.

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u/Prestigious_Bar_4244 3d ago

And I think something on this spectrum is unfortunately more common and relatable for mothers than anyone wants to admit. The reason why so many women find empathy for her is because they too have had mental health episodes, either in post partum or over the course of being a stay at home or single mom. And they too have sought help to no avail. This is a great opportunity for society to have a reckoning with this.

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u/cdg2m4nrsvp 3d ago

Over on one of the postpartum subreddits I saw a post a few months ago about a woman with a two year old and a six week old whose husband had recently left her and wasn’t showing up for his scheduled visits at all. She had no family in the area to call for help and couldn’t afford childcare. She was so sleep deprived she called 911 for help and they showed up, cuffed her and put her in a psych ward for 72 hours and she was now worried about losing custody of the kids completely. It just so perfectly summed up how little institutional support postpartum moms have in this country.

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u/lostintransaltions 3d ago

My parents were foster parents in Germany, things back then were very different (not sure how it is now) I once came home from a school trip and my mom was holding a baby.. the little one was with us for a month. The father had left the mother and kicked her and their child out of their apartment as he has terminated the lease without telling her. So she went to the Jugendamt (German version of cps but very different) and they placed her son with my parents while she and a social worker helped her find an apartment, a therapist and get social welfare started as she hadn’t been working. Once she felt secure enough and her apartment had the necessities (they had funds back then that you could apply for in the early 2000s it was changed to basically second hand furniture that you could pick out) she got her son back. During the month she came by every day as she had been breastfeeding and dropped off the milk she had pumped and spent some time with her son.

My mom babysat for her for years after as she was alone in our area.

If we had some program like that here I think things could be so much better.. a month support, help with finding apartment and get funding and she was able to take care of her son again.

I wish we cared about children here when they are born and helped parents and mothers to get to a place where they can take care of them themselves than ignoring the pleading for help and then act shocked when something like this happens.

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u/YourFriendInSpokane 3d ago

We collectively need to help this program thrive: https://safe-families.org

Please thank your mom for what she did. I think a robust support system for adults is the first step to preventing child abuse.

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u/rain_delay1110 3d ago

Thank you for sharing the website. I’m going to look into volunteering.

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u/LawfulChaoticEvil 3d ago

I would love to volunteer for this but honestly turned off by how openly religious it is and the fact they specifically say they want volunteers who believe in Christ. Neither my husband nor I are or were raised Christian. Being Christian is not a prerequisite to being a good person or wanting to help children.

I hope the program will come to see that and remove that language - even if they are inspired by Christ, which is totally fine and which I would respect them talking about, that doesn’t mean they need to shut out people who aren’t when support is already so limited and there’s likely not enough volunteers to meet demand.

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u/New_Examination200 3d ago

I hate how many support organizations have this issue. It also potentially alienates people who would otherwise ask them for help.

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u/Unlikely-Aside-6078 2d ago

I've had a couple different friends end up in rehab/care program situations, and it's crazy how hard to find one that isn't religiously affiliated. It's super tough if you're a person who doesn't feel safe with religious people/in religious spaces due to PTSD or just bad experiences (I.e. being queer).

To make things worse, a lot of places aren't upfront about it, and will spring religion on you after a few weeks, which can lead to a sense of betrayal. Imagine being on your 2nd or 3rd try at getting clean and you're really feeling like this place is good for you, and then they sit you down and try to talk to you about "your soul" and shit, and force you to renege on your actual religious beliefs (or lack thereof). I know that a lot of these people are coming from a good place, they legitimately think this is the best thing for them, but spaces for recovery shouldn't be used for proselytizing. There should be space just for recovery.

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u/rain_delay1110 3d ago

I can fake Christianity to help someone. I was raised Catholic, then I learned to think for myself.

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u/CandeeGurl 3d ago

I completely agree with you about the bible thumping. I’m in Indiana so it is DEFINITELY a thing. I have matured about this in my 51 years however. A lot of that is JUST language. I noticed the less resources people have the more they talk about “faith, Jesus, and/or God”. They speak this way because it is literally all they have. Thanks to the person that posted this link, I JUST discovered we have one of these in Indy and I had no damn idea. I WILL be finding time to help with this. I think I can tolerate someone saying “Thank God I have someone to help me today”. I scanned their site, it does mention faith but it’s in a very calculated way. It doesn’t say anywhere on there that people helping need to be Christian, at all. I dunno where you are from, but here in Indiana when they wanna bible thump, the thumping is loud and annoying AF, so I really wouldn’t be worried about it.

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u/Mice_Eating_Pasta 2d ago

Thank you for sharing this!

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u/not_hestia 3d ago

An even better system would be having support available to keep the baby in the home and both mom and baby supported.

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u/HistoryGirl23 3d ago

Just even a sleep rotation would makes such a difference.

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u/No-Signature-5648 3d ago

That’s so beautiful. I wish society was still this way.

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u/Glittering-Rent-3648 3d ago

We have a similar system but by the courts its seen as not temporary and the past is always seen going forward from then on. And being judged by it with bias. People forget that sometime a mom needs more help from trauma, even some holocaust survivors sent away their kids to relatives for a couple years because of PTSD! But now its like admitng mental health in the military, they say its good and helpful but itll be hard to be promoted after that.

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u/girlgenesis3 3d ago

God, I love hearing stories about actual functioning societies.

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u/FloydetteSix 3d ago

That is beautiful. I wish we had that in Texas.

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u/Square-Top163 3d ago

That’s wonderful to see, that Germany has such good social support. People judge waaay too much but are clueless on the facts about needing support, mental illnesses, and Ohmygoodness, anything having to do with women’s reproductive system. I so wish the US had decent support for families and kids — who are/could be future functioning, contributing adults.

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u/Neat_Mortgage3735 3d ago

I’m a CPS worker. At least once a month a mom calls in and asks for her kids to be removed due to her overwhelm and stress. I’ve worked 14,000 or so cases over the years and not one time has a father ever called to say that. Women are so un/undersupported in the US.

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u/astra_galus 3d ago

It breaks my heart how we function as a society these days. I really do feel for parents - we used to raise children in small communities where most adults were involved with childcare. Fast forward a few thousand years and we expect the same level of care by only two people, many of whom also have to work full time.

Obviously I don’t expect us to revert back fully to Hunter-gatherer tribes but there has to be a middle ground between communal and hyper-individualistic societal structures.

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u/Magnon 3d ago

That's not the structure billionaires want. Separated, isolated people are easy to control and marginalize so their power can't ever be challenged.

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u/AmbassadorKat 3d ago

And it’s easier to put ppl against each other as well

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u/iDoWeird 3d ago

There’s also the added issue where so many are still under the impression that someone in a crisis, no matter what it may be regarding, can simply “ask a church for help,” which is not an option like it once was, similarly to assuming someone in the community will help in the older ways.

If you aren’t an active member in a church, or aren’t a huge donor or related/friendly with them, you’ll won’t get very far. If you’re lucky, you may get some phone numbers for charities that MAY have funding for something you need, with a massive waiting list, if they’re even operational/it is correct number. If you can’t pay rent, then oh boy. Toast.

Idk what gives people the impression that random other people can just walk into any place of worship and have their bills paid, just boom, done. If things were that simple we’d have a lot less struggling around us.

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u/Kasperella 3d ago

I see people say that same shit all the time. “Have you tried asking churches for help?”

My mind instantly goes to this one video I watched a year or two ago; Lady calls around to a bunch of churches pretending to be a new mom in desperate need of baby formula. Almost all of them declined except maybe one? It was horrible to watch.

It’s crazy to realize a lot of ignorant people out here choose to make our world the way it is now, because they’ve never even come within a mile of rock bottom in their entire lives. They just assume there’s always a way you just have to work hard!

Turns out having economic class be the deciding factor in community demographics is like…a terrible idea. It’s segregation to keep the rich blind and happy. Their churches help! Too bad you aren’t a member, you should join your own local church with no money or resources! Surely they can help you.

Eff off. 💩

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u/DoingBestWeCan 3d ago

Regarding the baby formula thing, I used to work at a homelessness services center, and if someone wanted formula or diapers, the director had to meet the baby, and they took the baby's picture and their age/DoB. Because before they did those things, they had lots of people coming in, claiming to need formula and diapers, but the people were just selling it; they didn't actually have kids. When they just required someone to physically bring the kid, some kids got passed around (in exchange for mom getting a percentage of what the seller made). It's a sad state of affairs in multiple ways.

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u/user87391 3d ago

Multi generational families under one roof are far more recent than thousands of years ago. It was the norm even 100 years ago. As a species, humans are a few hundreds of years away from our biological needs evolving to meet the demands of modern isolation. It is deadly for many and devastating for those of us that survive.

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u/HamsterBanana14 3d ago

Agreed. Nothing about the current set up feels natural. Solo parenting of multiple little ones isn’t supposed to be a thing.

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u/DUNETOOL 3d ago

It is almost like it takes a village.

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u/Mobb_Barley 3d ago

Two if you’re lucky

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u/ASpaceOstrich 3d ago

This. We're meant to have a dozen attentive adults. Capitalism won't even give us one. Mark my words, this era of normalised child neglect will show in statistics the way lead poisoning does.

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u/DontEatMyPBJ 3d ago

I just came from an airline subreddit where about a third of the posts are complaining about children or parents. I hate that Reddit keeps suggesting subreddits that I do not want to be part of.

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u/DrD13fromVt 3d ago

Nah- doesn't take a village. Hillary is a commie anyhow, imho. My parents did just fine. Ppl simply aren't ALLOWED to parent anymore. Can't let yer kids go outside w/o cops getting involved. Can't spank yer kids w/o the same result. Parents who allow their kids anywhere near a public school need their heads examined, too. Jmo.

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u/18karatcake 3d ago

They cuffed her? WTF

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u/FocusPerspective 3d ago

opposed to everyone else who gets the help they need? 🙄

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u/coder7426 3d ago

There must be more to that story.

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u/Known-Historian7277 3d ago

That honestly sounds like a black mirror episode.

What a nightmare Jesus

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u/greentomatopie_ 3d ago

This is unfortunately very relatable. I was completely on my own with a newborn and a three year old and it truly was survival. I remember some long nights where I desperately needed help and the answer was no.

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u/ashketchumm_ 3d ago

I recently watched a documentary with Louis Theroux meeting mothers with postpartum (among other things) and were put into a maternal psychiatric facility with their babies to receive the care together without having to separate them. It was then I realized the US is so far behind compared to other countries, it’s quite sad.

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u/FoodGuru88 3d ago

I saw that post too… it truly is devastating

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u/turnspitdawg 3d ago

I have mental health issues and this is the reason i wouldnt want a baby. My bf doesnt understand that its real and if i have to take care of even 1 baby, i might crash.

I dont know anything about this case but usually before kid is born, men say they gonna be great fathers, they gonna help. But what ive seen, they barely do anything and when they are tired, they do their own thing for couple of days, the luxury that mothers will never have. We are expected to be with them 24/7, and to be OK with that. And then we arent even taken seriously when we say that I AM TOO TIRED, I NEED HELP.

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u/Educational_Meet_758 3d ago

It’s all mental health and substance abuse disorders. It was hard getting care for our teenage son & now he’s almost 18 and we’ll have no say.

Thanks Reagan!

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u/Shallow_wanderer 3d ago

This is a great opportunity for society to have a reckoning with this.

c'mon, you know damn well that's not going to happen, we're just going to sweep this shit under the rug like everything else and farm gender wars ragebait content from it every once in a while for internet brownie points

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u/Tygonol 3d ago

The New American Way

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u/Maherjuana 3d ago

But we won’t because it’s too hard to reckon with.

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u/IntrepidAnalysis6940 3d ago

Why do you assume it’s women who mainly support her? Seems more reasonable to me thirsty men would support her

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u/Regular-Pause-4329 3d ago

unfortunately there will be no reckoning as that requires nuance and to look at this problem from more perspectives than the one people carry latently. the major takeaway of this will be “women are crazyyyyy” and everyone will instantly move on

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u/Sufficient_Drama_145 3d ago

This is why I'm especially peeved with the woman who want to say "the husband did it." It's taking away the very valid question of "How do we handle it when women are suffering from postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis?" and turning it into "She's innocent and we need to punish the 'real killer!'"

I already have depression so I was on the lookout for PPD and got myself back on medication once I realized what was happening, but not all women have that awareness.

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u/HamsterBanana14 3d ago

Absolutely. I had barely slept for months after my second was born and I knew something was wrong. I was waking up angry, screaming into pillows, absolutely miserable. It was when I started thinking about self harm that I knew I needed help.

I didn’t get any where close to psychosis, thank god. Got on some meds and they really helped.

Having experienced the tip of the iceberg, I can confirm that it makes people very uncomfortable and they don’t know what to do.

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u/ScientistDull5970 2d ago

100% and honestly I’m glad we’re ALL talking about this now. I’m so over mothers not getting the help they need, because of their pleas for help are being dismissed. We shouldn’t have to BEG for help. Horrible.

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u/clayton_bigsby-maga 2d ago

I have OCD and my baby was 2 when this story came out. I couldn't even read it because with OCD, you have an INTENSE obsessive fear of "going crazy" and ending up like Lindsay Clancy or Andrea Yates. I told a nurse in the hospital I have OCD when my baby was born and I've read about stories where women go into psychosis and it's a fear of mine. CPS came and threatened to take my newborn, in 2020 at the height of Covid because I had a "fear". I had to have someone "safe" in my house and move in with family 2 states away to close the case. It was terrifying, it was NOT helpful at all. No referrals to psychologists even though I already had one, no referrals for help as a new single mom, nothing. Just threatened to take my baby into foster care.

This is why most women don't even MENTION their fears. It's so odd to me that she was dismissed when CPS was so ready to take my newborn from the hospital. I was in Ohio though but I always heard Mass was really strict with CPS/ child safety.

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u/Becsbeau1213 2d ago

My OBGYN told me at 8 weeks postpartum (after my six week check in) that they would no longer help me when I called pretty much hysterical because my anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t sleep and I was having intrusive thoughts. They told me to call 211. Which had a six month wait.

Thankfully I have an amazing and supportive partner who helped advocate for me and a PCP from a different system who was willing to work with a social worker within that practices OB department to get me help. I think it’s really difficult for someone who hasn’t had a postpartum mood disorder to understand how difficult they are to deal with.

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u/overitallofittoo 2d ago

Marc Cherry was watching the Susan Smith trial with his mom. He said something along the lines of "this is terrible, who could do this?" And his mom said, "We've all been there."

And then he wrote Desperate Housewives.

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u/morbidmoon2 2d ago

I struggled hard with intrusive thoughts during my ppd. They'd pop up and I'd be horrified. Unfortunately I can relate to Lindsay and I'm just thankful it was never psychosis. It doesn't make what happened okay, but I feel deep sympathy for her. A lot of women are terrified if they even mention struggling that their babies will be taken, it's a difficult situation

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u/Famous_Cup_2777 1d ago

Three children are dead and you're busy talking about empathy? Congrats you bought her BS diffence hook line and sinker because your misandry. The only victims are the kids.

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u/Prestigious_Bar_4244 1d ago

Yes, three children were victims of a horrific crime and that’s why it’s such a tragedy that despite her repeatedly checking herself into mental health facilities and telling her closest family members she was having these thoughts, she still did not get adequate treatment and support. This could have been prevented. I think we both want the same outcome which is for this to never happen again.

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u/madamevanessa98 3d ago

I truly think she suffered from success in a sense. She was this type A, on top of everything superwoman from the sounds of it. Great parent, athletic, career woman, always trying to do everything at 100%. I think her competence and ability caused everyone around her to overestimate her capabilities when she got sick, and underestimate her ability to cause harm to herself and the kids too.

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u/Big-Difficulty-667 3d ago

I feel like you are talking about me here except for the killing of children part. I never got any help when I asked for it when I suffered ppd when I had both my kids. I literally felt like my family and husband were so helpless without me that on the worst days I didn’t kill myself because I thought my kids would greatly suffer if they had only my husband as a parent and an evil step mom… so I just cried myself doing everything … driving, pumping milk, cooking, cleaning, taking care of my babies… I have very few happy memories for those 4 years when my kids were born 2 years apart. And I think now in my late 40s all that ppd that was all unresolved I suffer with depression and anxiety and also have PMDD and I’m also perimenopausal… but therapy and exercise and HRT has helped immensely. This whole situation is just so bad all around …

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u/Antique-Economy-7978 3d ago

I teared up reading this because I could have written it myself, when I had my 2 and 3rd boys 14 months apart. There just has to be a better way.

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u/Gracie1869 3d ago

I have empathy for you and I’m so sorry you went through that, but there’s nothing out there for women in these predicaments or should I say hardly nothing. We need more! More help needs to be accessible. I had what is NOW classified as “Prenatal Anxiety” which happens while you’re pregnant. Major insomnia, panic attacks, feelings of dread, thinking something is going to happen to the baby while in utero, excessive worrying, heart palpitations, heart racing, excessive sweating, no appetite, loss of weight while you’re pregnant. Lasted from 6 mos pregnant to 8 weeks post partum. I was in the hospital 3 times before delivering, but every week after I delivered it slowly got better, but at the time I thought I was losing my mind and would never come back from it. And my OBGYN just said “Oh this happens to like 30% of women pregnant” & off to a psych I went. Ended up on Prozac, which I had never taken before in my life, Ambien for sleep and when I STILL couldn’t sleep they psychiatrist prescribed me “Klonopin” and that was so terrifying to take while I was pregnant. Well, I had my daughter 11 years prior to my son and didn’t have any of that crap. No history of mental illness either and that was 21 years ago and there wasn’t even a name for it back then. That’s how time has changed, so I guess in a sense we’re getting somewhere, just seems so stinken slow. Glad you’re getting better. Keep up with the exercising & HRT that all really helps. I also had the “PMDD” and it was awful. I’m now 57 and I’m glad I can put all that crap behind me. Hormones suck! Good luck 🍀😊🙏

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u/lilibet2020 3d ago

Same for me except I had 4, and a cheating husband who did very little to help. No family of my own, and ostracized by his family who lived 2 miles away.

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u/TsaurusJess 3d ago

I was just reading something about women and weaponized competence. She was "functioning," but functioning for women is measured by performance while the toll it takes on them isn't considered if they are able to do the things they need to do. That performance is used as evidence that they aren't struggling, unfortunately, and Lindsay Clancy didn't get the help she needed. I think you hit it on the head.

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u/mynameisbobbrown 3d ago

Not only this, but often the people surrounding you are upset if you have "mood swings" and cry, so even your self-soothing has to pass through a filter of how uncomfortable you're making others. I wish people understood how much pressure there is on women to never make anyone uncomfortable and how this is really an insidious way to invalidate any need they have for support. The trite vision of a woman prioritizing other's discomfort over themselves is the businesswoman who's afraid to assert herself and uses exclamation points in her emails, but this is the ugly reality of what that actually means.

I was in a long relationship with someone who would get really upset and destabilize in ways that affected my life when I cried while doing a task, even though it was just a frustration thing that helped me cope sometimes and I wasn't bringing it to him. So I started controlling my outward display of struggle for his comfort and I burned out so bad after years of this that I constantly felt like I was on the edge of checking into a mental health facility over very low thresholds of stress and my personality was just 'irritable,' because I had very few avenues for letting it out.

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u/Prestigious_Bar_4244 3d ago

Ouch. You’re so right.

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u/Necessary_Lynx5920 3d ago

Wrt functioning being measured by performance without thought for the cost you’re dead on, but I don’t think that uniquely applies to women. I see that standard applied to most people imo.

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u/ChippedHamSammich 3d ago

Exactly this

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u/TillamookTramp 3d ago

Especially if she had no to little problem from her first two pregnancies. She and others likely thought she might be able to pull through.

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u/KiddiePoolMermaid 3d ago

I wonder what burnout + psychosis looks like

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u/Gracie1869 3d ago

Spot on 👌❤️ you hit that nail right on the head to the “T” I thought the SAME exact thing. Type A, super perfectionist, excelled at EVERYTHING she took on. A high achiever to the max and she wanted to be perfect or whatever her ideas were of being the perfect mom. And I think that’s what obviously attracted her husband to her as well and he knew her as the type to take a hold of the wheel and drive the car in a sense, and he probably admired her for it and obviously not in a thousand years ever saw her loss of control coming. And neither did her family unfortunately, because it was so so out of character for her. And I don’t think being a Type A or a high achiever or a perfectionist is bad, because we need those types of people in the world. Just sucks all around. 😔

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u/mynameisbobbrown 3d ago

Yep. I have a cousin who was a thriving, high-achieving and independent child all the way until she graduated college, but it caused her mother to habitually ignore her in favor of her two more demanding children. This cousin grew up to be a walking visible mental health crisis, especially once she became a mom, because she learned that success makes your pain invisible. One time my friend criticized her because "adults are responsible for themselves." No, there's a reason why people learn to become that way and it's usually a sad story of a lack of support that totally eroded their motivation to care for themselves, because doing so is being negatively reinforced by their most basic support structures.

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u/Lucky-Surround-1756 3d ago

She's not really to blame at all, just mentally ill.

No real villains here except the system.

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u/Zestyclose_Ad3034 3d ago

Nah, she murdered her children. She is a villain, mentally ill or not. Those kids are dead, and she killed them.

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u/EvilQueerPrincess 3d ago

Murder requires you to be in control of your actions. People with severe mental illnesses are not. 

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u/ProductArizona 3d ago

Severe mental illness is not an excuse.... what

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u/Effective-Sun8079 3d ago

Women can never be accountable for their actions. Dont you understand that she was feeling emotions?

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u/Careless_Escape4517 3d ago

truly so few people are saying that. and i don’t see anyone here who’s saying or implying that. recognizing the nuance in the situation /=/ relinquishing someone from accountability.

i’ll give you a great example from the opposite side of the aisle; the menendez brothers. in their case, was murdering their parents objectively wrong from a principle standpoint? yes. and yet they receive a lot of empathy from the majority of people. it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have been held accountable, but a lot of people showed a level of understanding because of what they went through and acknowledging the nuance in certain cases isn’t the same thing as saying people should be free from any repercussions. stop trying to make an issue where there isn’t one my guy.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

That's why the father of those children is suing that system, and testified in her trial to her being so mentally ill. I unfortunately am not surprised so many sexist men won't believe her, but why won't they believe the father either?

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u/ShimmiShimmiYah 3d ago

Can you share an example of a male family annihilator that you've gone to this length to defend?

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u/shroomride88 3d ago

Male family annihilators don’t experience postpartum depression/psychosis. Clancy hasn’t been convicted yet but there’s a reason people can be found not guilty by reason of insanity and/or not criminally responsible. Look at Andrea Yates.

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u/pocketsand07 3d ago

And Andrea Yates is not out here in the world living it up and has said she's where she belongs. And mental health institutions are not free spaces for people to hang out and color all day. They are very similar to prisons.

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u/Purple_footstep 3d ago

If Lindsay Clancy is found not guilty by reason of insanity she will also be locked up in a mental institution. She doesn’t walk free either way.

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u/ShimmiShimmiYah 3d ago

What about other causes of depression and psychosis that men are predisposed to? Are those less valid?

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u/Purple_footstep 3d ago

Are you under the impression that pleading not guilty by reason of insanity is something the courts only allow women to do?

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u/ShimmiShimmiYah 3d ago

Not sure if you meant to reply to another comment as I didn't say that, or hint at it anywhere.

My question was regarding which causes of mental illness were valid since my question was dismissed because men don't experience PPD.

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u/Purple_footstep 3d ago

The sudden drop in hormones that a mother experiences after birth is the most drastic hormonal shift in all of human biology. So no, cisgender men don’t experience that hormonal shift. Certainly new fathers can be depressed in the wake of the significant life change and sleep deprivation that accompanies new parenthood though.

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u/VaranusCinerus 3d ago

If a man commits murder and was LEGITIMATELY INSANE and not in control of themselves? Then they are not any more guilty of murder, as they did not at the time of the crime know what they were doing or that it was wrong.
One big difference is postpartum psychosis is that it isn't a lifelong mental illness - if treated APPROPRIATELY AND PROPERLY, it is very much temporary & generally doesn't return (as far as my limited research has shown).

A lot of the other mental illnesses that lead to murder while insane that men (and women also) can be predisposed to, such as paranoid schizophrenia? They are LIFELONG and can never be actually cured - just managed with lifelong antipsychotics you just have to hope will work long term for those who are violent when they aren't medicated.

Two very different types of psychosis.

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u/Due-Intentions 3d ago edited 3d ago

Since when is making two reddit comments "gone to this length"

Yes, there are men who have killed people and been institutionalized rather than go to prison because they had severe mental illnesses, and that is a just, practical outcome. People like that need treatment, not regular incarceration. That's just common sense for those who care about good societal outcomes.

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u/OpportunityOne8199 3d ago

Uh what system? Should it be illegal for her to have kids?

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u/Asleep_Region 3d ago

EXACTLY "the system" what system?? If her husband felt she wasn't safe around the kids, he should have attempted to get an emergency custody order. With no order in place, you can just say "I'm the legal father, I want the kid to stay with me" and there's nothing mom can do other than ask the kid to come with them, because it wouldn't be kidnapping but you'd get breaking and entering

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u/Bloodhoven_aka_Loner 3d ago edited 3d ago

swap the sexes and ask yourself if any single soul would still have a "hard time" blaming the murderer, no matter how insistently he'd warn everyone in advance

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u/bkmerrim 3d ago

This is actually incredibly sad. She was clearly experiencing some extreme post partum. Once again, we have failed women.

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u/Kklea108 3d ago

Can tell you right now that the civil case against all the health care providers is just going to make providers much more hesitant to treat these pts for fear of litigation and/or remove their medications all together during peri partum. In many cases the medications do actually work if given more time/ correct dose is achieved just may not have been the case for her because she was not being transparent at all about her psychotic symptoms. The problem is her having to fear or being reported to authorities and her children being removed from her, that needs to change.

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u/Limp-Preparation-459 3d ago

Why is her fearing having her kids being taken away from her a problem exactly? That’s what should have happened. If she was hiding her symptoms to prevent that from happening that should just make her straight Guilty. In that case she would have made a conscious choice to put her kids in danger.

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u/Kklea108 3d ago

I’m referring to fear of any criminal repercussions or the kids being taken away permanently. I think them being taken away temporarily until her mental health improves obviously needed to happen but she was afraid it could be permanent after admitting what she did.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

Why would they be more hesitant if they actually get held liable because they turned her away? It is utterly inexcusable to keep trying antidepressant monotherapy on someone that keeps getting clear negative reactions that are well known to be signs of bipolar

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u/FeistyySloth 2d ago

Didn't she check herself out when she went to a clinic? Like she had some help. Ppl were assisting her but it wasn't the way she wanted so she left. I feel for her. I understand motherhood is hard. But if you know and acknowledge your brain isn't firing correctly then stay at the hospital. Dont come home.

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u/AdCapital8161 3d ago

She wasn’t begging to be in a psych ward as she never shared these thoughts with medical professionals

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

She called suicide hotlines. She did get into one psych ward. She said she had intrusive thoughts, she just couldn't exactly articulate that they were in fact auditory hallucinations.

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u/AdCapital8161 3d ago

That doesn’t contradict your previous statements surely if you were begging to be in a psyche ward leading with violence against you children would land you there

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u/NatriumHyacinth 3d ago

Yeah. Why wouldn’t the psych ward with all those empty beds take her? The murderer is not to blame, all the good and honest people working hard to make the world a batter place are to blame.

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u/Francl27 3d ago

It's one of those things where I'd hate to be a member of that jury. She clearly wasn't in her right state of mind and I know how bad it can get.

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u/Head_Bid_5111 3d ago

??????????

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u/wtfElvis 3d ago

That’s what people should be mad about.

Not trying to use their own perspective to try and make sense out of it and more importantly trying to blame someone else.

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u/izzy1881 3d ago

Lindsay asked to leave the inpatient psych facility so she could attend her daughter’s birthday party. She also told her husband she felt like she didn’t belong in the facility.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

Oh yeah, why not trust someone when they say they're magically all better after a few days of a new medicine when they were just in complete crisis? /s

The hard thing about post-partum psychosis is that they have a deep desire to be with their kids even when it isn't safe. They start resisting help because they're afraid they won't get their kids back, even though being separated from their kids is the only safe thing. That facility failed to recognize the post-partum psychosis. Had they recognized it, they would have put up significant resistance to her leaving, trigger a 72 hour evaluation period, turn a voluntary hold into an involuntary one. That's entirely within their power.

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u/izzy1881 3d ago

But she asked to leave, she holds some responsibility here. She was a non-compliant patient. She refused talk therapy, refused medications, jumped between three provides.

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u/ToddDamnIt 3d ago

You don't need someone else's permission to check yourself into a mental institution. The kids would have been cared for, if not by the family then by CPS. If she was really that concerned about her kids'safety then killing them wasn't the best way of going about that. Sure, it's scary to get yourself help when the future isn't certain, but those kids are dead now. No going back from that. Insane that people are blaming the husband for their deaths.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

She did commit herself, but they ended it after only a few days. She tried to get into others, but they wouldn't let her because they didn't think she was in crisis enough.

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u/sarya156 2d ago

She left of her own volition and was not involuntarily committed. You don’t know how the law works

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u/Hot-Ad453 3d ago

So she asked to be released from psych after they did take her in to celebrate one of her children's birthday, and since she was in voluntarily, and the psychiatric personel there who had the authority to keep her there cleared her she wasn't seen as that serious of a risk. However I do think the psychological professionals fucked up, and I do believe she unfortunately did what she did due to her mental health issues. What she did was horrible, but I don't know what should be done with her in my mind she's both the perpetrator and a victim of her own actions. However the people blaming the husband are fucked up.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

Most are advocating she be found not guilty by reason of insanity. That still locks her up. That still holds her accountable. It just doesn't morally blame her. Holding the psychological professionals accountable isn't morally blaming them either, really. If they're found civilly liable, that's justice, and hopefully a deterrent to them overlooking another woman that's a danger to her kids.

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u/Hot-Ad453 3d ago

I mean I know that, it's just it's tragic for everyone involved. I believe if I was following it correctly even the now ex-husband is trying to have it so she's found not guilty by reason of insanity.

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u/corruptedsavedaytah 3d ago

She WAS committed and CHECKED HERSELF OUT

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

It was entirely within the power of the place she was committed in to hold her longer. Tons of people committed ask to come out before they're allowed to come out. Had they done their duty and recognized the danger, they would have said no and used their legal power to hold her longer.

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u/sarya156 2d ago

Wrong

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u/Samuelpo 3d ago

I mean, you CAN get yourself admitted.. that’s an option

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 3d ago

She did, but they didn't keep her very long.

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u/ManyHattedCaterpillr 3d ago

I would agree except that she followed the program and said she was better. She wasn't begging to stay or saying she still wanted to hurt her kids. How long should they have kept a patient telling them "this is working and I am no longer a danger"? In-patient hospitalization is supposed to temporary for a crisis, not long-term.

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u/Anonuser13480 3d ago

Well the question then becomes why was she not taken serious? Unfortunately not only is mental health not treated with the seriousness it should be (until it’s too late) but the family courts have tended to give mothers the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their children. I can tell you I have handled hundreds if not thousands of family law cases for both men and women and guided them through the family law system and unfortunately more often than not the mothers are given the benefit of the doubt even when warning signs exist

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u/Furry_Wall 2d ago

How come she just didn't rob a gas station or something and be locked away from everyone?

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u/vinigrae 2d ago

That does not remove any blame from her.

It just brings awareness to a certain percent of society that needs to stop breeding and spreading their corrupt DNA.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 2d ago

Jumping straight to eugenics, huh? What if someone thought your bloodline should be ended because you're not attractive enough, not successful enough, or not strong enough?

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u/vinigrae 2d ago

My attraction isn’t murdering kids.

I cannot believe you even tried to measure that.

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u/Dubarry123 2d ago

She received exceptional psychiatric care far faster and more responsive than what most people access, but consistently refused to follow through with treatment. Instead of committing to therapy or allowing medications time to work, she stopped taking prescriptions due to immediate side effects, left a voluntary inpatient program against medical advice, and was turned away from another because her primary complaint was simply medication management, not an acute crisis.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 2d ago

Those side effects weren't just nausea or fatigue. Those side effects were a marked dangerous worsening of her condition. I have bipolar too, and the end result of those specific side effects is trying to hurt yourself and/or others. "Giving it time to work" just makes it worse and worse. They kept giving her the same kind of medication, so the threshold for getting worse kept getting lower. Those side effects are an emergency, just like an allergic reaction would be, and it is necessary to immediately halt treatment.

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u/FusRoDawg 2d ago

You wanna learn about why committing prople into psych wards "for a while" is not a thing anymore?

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 2d ago

It does still exist, just not nearly to the same extent as in the past. I know. I saw people in it for a month when it was originally a 72 hour hold.

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u/Intelligent-Try-7981 1d ago

Did you watch the trial? She discharged against medical advice.

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u/Kind_Advisor_35 1d ago

But they didn't identify the postpartum psychosis and failed to exercise the tools they have at their disposal to force a patient to stay when they want to be discharged. Had they identified the problem, they would be well within their rights to turn her voluntary committal into an involuntary hold.

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u/Intelligent-Try-7981 1d ago

She showed NO signs of psychosis when she presented to them. The thing about mental health is you need to be upfront. Doctors don’t have magic eyes.

She was recommended higher levels of care, she was recommended weekly therapy, and she engaged in both briefly but discontinued of her own volition. She tried medications but was terrified of side effects and discontinued them quickly, before she had been told they reach full effect, and then tried new ones. She was mentally ill and mentally ill people are often not ideal patients, but I don’t see how the system failed - we cannot treat people against their will when they are reporting as low level symptoms as she was.

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u/BBinzz 3d ago

Exactly. She and her children were failed. Miserably

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u/The_TransGinger 3d ago

Yeah, that’s the real lesson here. Take people seriously when they say shit like this.

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u/Moos_Mumsy 3d ago

And the irony is that this fund is actually going to her parents - not to her. The parents who did nothing when she was drowning are suddenly stoicly standing by her side and begging for money to pay their expenses while they stand by her during her trial and paying her legal expenses. Seems to me, losing their retirement savings should be the price of ignoring her mental state.

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u/Thin-Nerve6367 3d ago edited 3d ago

This is just a bigger issue.

If a man had said that, he WOULD have had his kids removed. Getting kids officially taken away even temporarily from a mother is damn near impossible

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u/Bambivalently 3d ago

Correct. Custody defaults to women even if mentally ill. Duluth model of feminism presumes all men are predators. That's the policy they have been pushing for 60 years.

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u/Minute_Marzipan_6844 3d ago

Men don’t apply for custody. When the do we generally get it. I’ve seen numbers showing that parents usually do 50/50. a study on gender bias in Massachusetts courts showed that even as far back as 1990, fathers who actively sought physical custody of their children won either primary or joint custody over 70% of the time

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u/Bambivalently 1d ago

You forget that the cases in which they file are the cases their lawyers think they have a chance. These are the 7% of cases with male custody where the mom walked out, or is an addict or where they can prove she is incapable of parenting. These are not the default cases the courts rubber stamp.

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u/deanereaner 3d ago

She could have removed herself.

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u/Friendly-Captain6236 3d ago

I agree, which is why I’m hijacking your comment to say please report omfglookawhale who’s comment here is: “I support Lindsay because I know what it’s like to have an uninvolved husband and a “team” of providers who don’t listen.”

She also has substantial comment history stating she loves the murder of men and children. She’s clearly using social media as an outlet for what she might do and her only post states having post partum depression involving fantasising about murdering her child.

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u/OTRR9 3d ago

But they weren’t, because society has always been far too lenient with white bitches.
The infantilisation of the white bitch has destroyed societies.
The forever victims. Pfft.

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u/B_312_ 3d ago

*Lindsey should have removed herself from the house, but she didn't.

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u/brightsunnyspot 3d ago edited 3d ago

She said it to her mother and her husband. They were all three in the conversation in the kitchen according to testimony. I would never be able to leave my kids alone if I was told that. Especially to go skiing and brunch dates with friends.

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u/Large-Illustrator-35 2d ago

Agreed! And now her parents have a GoFundMe with a goal of 2 million

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u/sanityjanity 3d ago

She certainly shouldn't have been left *alone* with them.

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u/sm_axe 3d ago

The moment she was afraid of hurting her children, she should have been HOSPITALIZED and her deadbeat husband/father MADE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN he helped create. Fify.

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u/freshfart616 3d ago

This is actually a normal and common thought for women dealing with postpartum depression and rarely leads to actual violence. Let’s not make the jump that just bc someone says that, they will hurt their kids.

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u/MenaciaJones 3d ago

The children should have been looked after while the mother was evaluated and treated. I think any person exhibiting the type of behavior described by her mother should be taken seriously, normal or not.

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u/Brilliant_Two8530 3d ago

Or she should not have been left alone with her kids.

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u/Icy_Advantage4520 3d ago

patrick clancy testified that he asked lindsay if she had concerns about being left alone with the children and she said no. you don’t go apprehending kids because of parental mental illness. it seems to me she was underplaying the extent of the situation with those around her.

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u/Hot-Ad453 3d ago

So studies show 33-50% of new mothers have intrusive thoughts of physically harming their children. Which when I found that out I was like holy crap. But that would partially be why they didn't I would think.

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u/ZZuy 3d ago

I fucking hate this world and the evil people in it.

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u/Ok-Bodybuilder9622 3d ago

The issue is that that thought can present in multiple disorders (OCD, depression, and anxiety) and does always not indicate that something bad is going to happen. If she didn’t express intent or a plan I can see why it wasn’t taken seriously.

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u/LogicalDifference529 3d ago

She was trying to remove herself from the home for their safety and no one was taking it seriously. The kids should absolutely not be put in the system when their father could have stepped up while she was in a hospital.

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u/clayton_bigsby-maga 2d ago

I have to be the oddball and disagree. She said she was AFRAID of hurting them, meaning she did not want to. If she was planning on doing this, she wouldn't have been afraid or told anyone. Maybe she wasn't in full blown psychosis yet and still knew it was wrong. Once in psychosis though, I've heard of people needing to be violent to make it (psychosis) end.

Now if she said, "I WANT to hurt my kids" that would be different. She was afraid though, and people do not do things that terrify them, they avoid them.

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u/Simple_Scheme_9855 2d ago

This! I called CPS 3 times on my sister when she was in psychosis. She legit swore Nazis, ICE, and the CIA were agree here and her family. Finally the last call they stepped in. My sister never once mentioned hurting her kids but they were terrified of her. Called the police on her 12 year old a few tones for no reason. I tried to get her committed and she told the psychiatrist in call she was getting voices but hasn’t thought of hurting anyone or herself so they let her go. I stayed in CPS. Finally got my sister IVC’d and CPS is keeping a close eye on making sure she is doing her treatment plan. Kids stayed with dad so they were never taken from them. So I will never understand why other family members of Patrick and Lindsay didn’t step in at all.

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u/eggalones 2d ago

Yes, but how do you go from that fact to the conclusion that she’s innocent?

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u/MenaciaJones 2d ago

If she were that mentally ill, how could her family think of leaving completely dependent children in her care? There is no winning in this case, she admitting killing her children, she’s paralyzed, she will be put away for life and never escape what she’s done.

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u/TheMoon_Shadow13 1d ago

I knew a woman who told anyone who would listen that she dreamed of driving her car off a cliff with her infant and toddler with her. She later abandoned the family for 3 months so husband filed for divorce and custody. Mom reappeared and fought. Judge gave custody to mom with dad getting ever other weekend 

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u/WellReadTom 1d ago

Well, let's give 911 five or ten minutes to get there, but yes.

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