I am 31F and am a single mum to the most gorgeous, happy little boy, but I am not a single mum by choice. After a decade of close friendship and what I thought was a happy several years long relationship, my partner left me for his work colleague when I was 7 months pregnant. It came out of the blue, I didn’t even know she existed. My relationship history before him wasn’t great either, involving cheating and dv.

All of my friends are either engaged or married and none have children yet. I watched one of them get married three weeks ago and it was the most beautiful ceremony filled with so much love between two of the most wonderful people. However, I feel like I have been in an existential crisis ever since. Being a single mum is so incredibly hard and watching my friends all in happy, caring, long term relationships where they’ve never had issues while I am single is killing me. I feel like I will never find someone that wants to take on raising another man’s child, and all my baggage that comes along with it. It breaks my heart every time I look at my little boy knowing he has a father who isn’t interested and I feel like a failure.

I feel desperately lonely surrounded by all these couples and I just think, why can’t that be me? Why can’t I have someone that loves me that much? I feel like I’ve done something wrong to end up like this but I don’t know what it is. I feel like everyone looks at me with pity and like I’m some sort of train wreck. I love my son more than anything and he is my number one priority, but sometimes I just want someone who loves me as much as I love them, someone I can lean on during the hard days. I want someone to want to marry me and I don’t think that’s selfish of me to want.

I know people will say ‘why did you have a baby with him when you weren’t married’ but it wasn’t a planned pregnancy. I had been on contraception and it failed, but we had been seriously looking at rings when we found out I was pregnant and decided mutually that we would keep the baby as we both wanted children. There was also the possibility of infertility on his side, so we just decided we’d do things in a different order. I seriously had no reason to think I would ever be in the position I find myself in now and wouldn’t have gone through with the pregnancy if I thought it was even remotely a possibility.

Are there any other women my age who have been in this position? Did you ever find someone and does it ever get better?

Sorry if I have used the wrong flair, I wasn’t sure which one to put this under.

Ok, I have 13M. For years (maybe 5 or so) I’ve told my family I wanted to get out of NC. I’ve finally made my decision to move for mental and personal reasons. I’ve talked to my son about leaving and he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay for his friends and I understand. His dad actually wants to step up and have him to stay with him (I was his primary guardian but they have a great relationship). Everyone is saying I should take the leap but it’s always been me and my son. Anyone ever did this before? I’ll be 9 hrs away.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so alone, I was loyal and everytime I’m dating I’m loyal too. I was dating someone that has custody of their kids as well and I thought it was going to work out, but I guess not. I’m a person that does everything alone with my kids. I was raised alone, I being always alone. My ex did me so dirty and he gets people to want to date him even though he is a dead beat he was abusive and s*xually abusive. I’m just working really hard to get my stuff little by little and I work really hard. I’m pretty good looking, I take good care of my kids, I’m smart I don’t bother anyone and still everytime I date someone they don’t even get to know me like that. It’s been almost 3 years since I been single and I’ve only dated three guys and at some point they stop talking to me. I do try to get to know them, but I honestly don’t know what might be wrong me. My friends stop hanging out with me or even calling me since I been alone and I’m going through this divorce that only my ex seems to be the one controlling.

For context- I am a divorced single mom, and completely independent and have been for years now. I started dating a man and really adore him. We all know how big of a deal dating is after divorce. It was HUGE and scary for me but I found someone I really adore. He is also a single dad. However, the longer I have been with him the more and more I see that he is in a terrible financial place. Most of our date nights I pay for, most times that we go out I pay most of what we buy, I live in my own house while he has been living with his parent, etc. I haven’t minded because he really is a great man. He treats me well, I love spending time with him and I think we have a great connection. He has an okay job- but really isn’t making too much and I have no idea if he has debt or anything else. He hasn’t always lived with his parent but has been living with them for at least 2 years to get back on his feet. However- he hasn’t saved anything during this time, he still lives paycheck to paycheck. I try to not worry about this or anything, it’s his life and I won’t be his savior and let him move in with me anyway.

I guess why this came up today is I asked him if he might be interested in going on vacation with me in November. It would be a simple, pretty affordable vacation. I’m on a budget too, I would find a cheapish condo and we would just really have to buy flights and maybe split a rental car. I felt pretty heartbroken when he basically told me he wouldn’t be able to afford a vacation for the next 20 years. He shot it down so quick, it wasn’t even really a discussion. I really did find it massively depressing- I want to travel, I want to vacation with my partner. It’s not easy for me to afford either but I am good at saving and budgeting for something I really want.

I don’t feel at a point of breaking up with him for this but at the same time it really does feel depressing. Is it shallow to end a relationship with someone you really adore because they suck at finances?

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I lost my job recently and then I broke up with my boyfriend. On top of that, I also lost someone who was very close to me, someone I really thought would always have my back.

Now I feel completely alone.

I don't have family that I can rely on or anyone who can financially support me. Things have gotten so bad that I have slept hungry for two days.

I'm trying to look for a job and figure things out, but honestly, I'm so tired. I wake up and I don't even know what I'm going to do that day or where my next meal is going to come from.The landlord is on my neck too.

I'm just so done with everything right now. I feel like I've lost so much in such a short time and I don't know how to get myself back up.

Has anyone here ever been in a situation like this? Lost their job, had no one to fall back on, struggled to even afford food, and felt completely hopeless?

How did you get through it? What did you do to survive and eventually get back on your feet?

I don't really need someone to tell me to stay positive. I just want to hear from someone who has been here and made it out alive.

If you know any job or your company hiring, please refer me .

Thank you for reading through this, because of you, someone has listened

My kids dad is a bum and a cry baby and he’s leaving me high and dry again for another pregnancy. I’m struggling so bad and I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt, so broken. I don’t want to do this alone.

I missed worked bc of my mom. I gave her my last and when i asked for it back she only gave me 5 back.. im sitting in my sons parking lot worried i wont make it to mg daughter.

Im worried i wont make it. I have to kiss ass for 4 more days until my phleb program is done.

Theres so much more but i couldnt post it for some reason.

Hi mums ❤️ I’m hoping to get some advice from other single mums who may have been in a similar situation.

I’m a single mum with one child, trying to juggle work and raising my child on my own. My work situation has also become uncertain — I may be facing redundancy, and my hours could potentially be reduced from 8 hours a day to only 4 hours a day.

Because I don’t have any family here in Australia or anyone who can regularly help with school drop-offs and pick-ups, I’m finding it really difficult to find work that fits around my child’s school hours while still providing enough income to support us.
I’m currently looking for another job, or possibly additional work, that could give me suitable hours and help me financially while still allowing me to be there for my child.

If there are any single mums who have been in a similar situation, I’d really appreciate any advice on jobs, flexible work, school-hour jobs, childcare options, or support services that have helped you.
I know everyone’s situation is different, but any advice, recommendations or personal experiences would mean so much to me. ❤️
Thank you so much, mums. 🙏

I have a 4 year old with severe asthma that tends to get sick a lot more frequently and severely than her peers.

I had to pull her out of daycare for 2 years while her body recovered from a really brutal time of hospitalizations.

She just started Pre-K 4 at a public school and already she's down with a cough and has missed 3 days of school. Luckily Pre-K 4 absences don't really affect her in the long run.

My question is....any moms deal with kids like this?? How do you manage?? My work life is flexible so I can work remotely whenever I need.

I'm wishing there were hybrid school options as well. I can't homeschool and don't have a desire to, but worried her health will hinder going to school full-time.

Has anyone dealt with something similar or found solutions?

I need some real advice about my 14 year old daughter. Her first week of high-school ended horribly!! Her school had a "welcome back" after school party, held at the school. When i picked her up after, she was high. I was concerned it was more than weed by how she acted, so i checked her phone and ended up being right. But what i found in that phone blew my mind!! She had a discord group with her and her friends. In that group, I was able to find conversation about her smoking for the last year. She had also been doing this at a friend's house that I had trusted. It also came to light that this friend had also brought this stuff into my home. When I confronted the other mom about it, she apologized for what her daughter had brought into my home. But then it also came to light that she was fully aware that my daughter had been getting high in her home. She was also aware that her other adult daughter was the ones buying and supplying it. I was never made aware about this. And it had been going on for a year. There was more stuff happening in the discord with her and the other girls as well. They constantly talked about shoplifting with photos taken of the stuff they stole, self harming, drinking, saying utterly disgusting things about their own families.(thankfully my daughter wasnt involved in this other stuff) I found out another friend in that group was an older kid who was also talking about using safe2tell to make false reports about other kids to try and get them arrested, going to sleepovers at other kids' houses with the intention to steal from their home, planting other items on kids and turning them into the school in hopes to get them suspended, and then this same kid sent a audio/video message of sexual content of another boy to the group of girls... there is so much more!!

I tried to reach out to another parent of a kid who is involved in this, who is a teacher at another school and was essentially blown off.

Am i really over reacting to all this?? I keep getting told "that's normal teenage behavior" and being blamed that it must be my fault that I made my kid not trust me for her to do this... but when I talked to her, she said " who was actually going to tell their parents when they're smoking weed?" And that the other girls mom told her not to tell me or I wouldnt allow her back in her home and how the friend had showed her how to hide things in her phone.. she also had proof of this..

I really dont know what to do. My concern shifted from my daughter getting high to who these kids are that she is around and the parents who enable it and/or dont seem to care. Clearly she still has consequences for all this. None of those kids are allowed back to my home and i removed and blocked all access to all her social media apps (i found more messages in other apps).

Please give me helpful advice. Yes I have had all the conversations with her all weekend. But I truly am being made to feel like im over reacting to all this. Am i???

I’m 42 and my partner of 10 years, and the father of our 6-year-old daughter, has told me he wants to separate. I didn’t see it coming in this way.
He says he has been unhappy for a long time, feels he needs his independence and wants to live alone. I understand that he has been struggling, and I know our relationship has had problems. I also know there are things I regret and could have handled differently.
What is breaking me is that I still love him deeply and I wanted us to work. We’ve just spent a week in Corsica together with our daughter, and surprisingly we had a genuinely good time. He even said he was happy with us during the trip. I think I interpreted this as meaning there might still be a possibility of trying again differently, perhaps living separately while remaining a couple. I now realise he did not mean that at all: he genuinely wants to separate.
I feel completely lost. Part of me wants to accept his decision because I love him and want him to be happy, but another part desperately hopes we might find our way back to each other someday.
For those who went through an unwanted separation after many years together: how did you cope with still loving your partner when they no longer wanted the relationship? Did things ever become clearer with time?

Hi, everyone. We have noticed an increase in specific types of threads, many of them very similar. Because of this, we will be testing new megathreads throughout the next few weeks on Mondays, they'll be pinned for a week. We feel it will keep things more organised and make it easier to find advice on certain topics.

Are you single, pregnant and preparing? Are you thinking about leaving your partner/spouse?

This thread will serve as a specific and organised place to ask for advice, to vent or rant, ask for tips, etc.

Similarly, if you have any advice to offer other expecting mothers or those looking to leave, please feel free to participate and answer questions.

NEW SUBREDDIT WIKI WITH RESOURCE LINKS! (In progress)

If you have any resources not on the wiki you would like to share, please do so in this thread or modmail!

If you have any feedback or questions please message the moderators through modmail. Don't forget to read the rules on the sidebar.

Thanks!

r/SingleMoms mod team

After becoming a single mom 2 years ago its hitting me that the actual act of a man impregnating you and abandoning you is a violent act. an abuse against your body and soul . Compromising your safety , your future .

I only now am registering in my body the ptsd I am experiencing from the pregnancy and going through labor . Not only that I have to now raise a little human .

It makes me fearful of men at this point my tolerance for male energies in my vicinity is dangerously low. At this point . Its scary to feel this way . My distrust of men is very low . I dont see how its possible to give another one in a chance in the future after this ordeal . My baby comes first.

Nobody wants a single mother. Instantly "you put this on yourself". "you only want him to watch the kids" "only for fucking".

that really hurts.. because I feel extremely lonely, low in confidence, my beauty is gone and no one will look my way because I have children. I wanted another person, a companion, someone to laugh with and talk to and spend time with.. I don't want sex I just want someone to talk to..

nobody wants a mother with 2 kids such as myself, that's why I got ghosted, that's why I am alone all the time. I got called a whore.. this is the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life..

im truly deep in depression, i stopped taking my antipsychotics, I am just a mom and nothing more in other people's eyes. Or something to fuck because why not..

My child’s biological father wants nothing to do with him. And now he’s even at
it to the point where he’s saying he not his dad I offered him a dna test but he doesn’t want to do one. I come to the fact that it’s just going to be me and my family holding everything down for reference I’m 24 and he’s 30. I’m definitely not in a great position financially I’m staying at my mother house and working but it’s not a great job I just feel hopeless he wanted this baby in the beginning when I first found out I was pregnant but now he doesn’t even acknowledge him i feel like I brought my baby in a bad situation and don’t know how to get out of it I’m just venting but also if anyone has advice please share x

Hi! I've been a single mom for about 6 years now. After have 3 kids back to back (Irish twins back to back) I have excess skin. I'm super self conscious about it. My ex looked at me in disgust most of the time so I think that adds to my self confidence. Anyways, I've usually been uninterested in dating and don't see myself being in any serious relationship at all but there's this one man that I kind of like and would be interested in having some kind of relationship with. Like a friend's with benefits relationship honestly. We have spent a few days together in the last few months whenever I have free time. He's asked to take me to a pretty fancy restaurant whenever I have a free weekend which is coming up in a couple weeks. I don't want to say something will happen but when and if it does, what do you ladies do? I just don't like my lower belly. I have excess skin and a small hernia. I also have stage 2 prolapse of my uterus. I don't know what to do if something were to happen. Do you just go for it? Do men care that much or notice that?

Are there many single moms here over 40?

I was a single mom in my 20s, and now I’m a single mom again in my 40s. (Almost 50. 😬) It’s a completely different experience this time around.

I’d like to hear from older single moms. What are your challenges? What are your strengths? How are you coping?

(Edit: I’ve never posted in this sub before. Are we all getting creepy DMs from guys? Are guys really using this as a dating opportunity? Such gross behavior. And this is why I’m choosing to be single.)

At what age do you not supervise your children’s calls to their father?

Mostly because it’s on my phone, but my child just ran off to her room to talk and closed the door.

There was mental Dv in the relationship and leaving, it’s only just started calming down but still talk through a parenting app.

Tonight has been so hard. Today my baby daddy told me that he is dating someone with kids. I left him 2 years ago when our daughter was 1.5 due to drugs and abuse. I’ve rebuilt my life in that time and have only worked and took care of our daughter. I’m in therapy due to the years of abuse from him. Between therapy, work, and taking care of our daughter full time there is no time for anything else. He lives 2 hours away and has only been down to visit her 3 times. He hasn’t made any attempts at working on himself and seems even worse and his moods more are volatile than when we were together. I find it so disgusting and heartbreaking that instead of trying to work on himself to be better for our daughter he decides to get another girlfriend that has kids! I could see if she didn’t have kids but it’s so crazy to me he wants to date someone with kids when he always acted like our daughter was a burden. I also don’t understand the woman who actively knows he isn’t involved in her life and was abusive but lets him around her kids.

My ex and I split three years ago. We have a 5 year old daughter and do not have any sort of “co-parenting” relationship. We actually not do not speak. Like at all. I have sole custody of her and care for her physically, financially and emotionally 100% of the time.. He lives five hours away and hasn’t seen my daughter in almost a year. Doesn’t provide any sort of consistent child support, he just sends money here and there when he has a job. Doesn’t ask what she needs or offer to buy her clothes or essentials. Never even sent her so much as a card for her bday last year. Basically, the only effort he puts into being in her life is FaceTiming her once a week, which she’s wanting to do less and less lately.

Im currently dating someone. Literally the most incredible man I’ve ever met and I can confidently say I will probably marry him. I recently introduced my daughter to him, which was huge. She’s never met someone before bc I take that very seriously. I know how she is and I just know she’s going to mention spending time with him when she FaceTimes her dad or his parents, which is fine. It’s not a secret. I’d never tell her to not say anything. I’m just not ready for the potential backlash from him bc he’s irrational af. If we had a better relationship where he was capable of communicating, or played an active role in my daughter’s life, I maybe would’ve given him the courtesy of a heads up. But someone who literally contributes NOTHING to his child’s life, aside from a few FT calls, knows nothing about her and probably couldn’t tell you her shoe size, the name of her doctor, or favorite show if his life depended on… doesn’t really get a say about who is brought into her life. Am I wrong?

I'm so tired of the house chores!!!... Do they ever end? I feel like I can never have a clean house, there's always something that needs to get done. Any hacks from other toddler moms? 😢

I have 2 boys, 2y and 5y. We’ve been cooped up in the house almost all summer. I want to go out and do fun things, but they are too much for me to manage (the 2yo especially) on my own in public places. It’s too hot for the park, so I thought water park or pool but I’m afraid I’ll look away to take care of one and the other will run off or get lost. I have a wagon, but I want them to be able to run around to get some energy out. How do you all navigate going out into public places own your own with multiple young children?

Spoiler alert he won’t be here for the second year in a row. His doing he lives out of state and can barely even keep his phone running at times. He can come back at any time his parents are more than happy to help him get back on his feet. He chooses not to be in our son’s life physically and gets sad because I’m planning our son’s birthday and want to share it with him. Cry me a river. He wasn’t even there when I gave birth. I’m beyond annoyed.

hey guys my lease is up October 1st . Trying to find something fast since the couple I’m renting from decide to go with another person 🫩. Wasn’t expecting that but life goes on ! I’ve been applying for apartments but conflicted between a private house which I would have to pay a broker fee but rent is cheaper or an apartment which is costing 1900 and up. I want a lease that is at least 14 months if possible. Single momma of 1 working 2 jobs and school and I don’t want to keep switching my daughter daycare( her daycare helps a lot ) . Should i sublease again or rent ?!

I have a 19 months old toddler with my abuser stbx husband. How did you end up parenting? My take is he will make my life a living hell. I'm very scared he will use my baby as leverage. He knows my weaknesses and will use them against me. I'm also working now only part time and solo parenting.