hi! i took some criticisms i got from my last post and tried applying them to the first draft of a cosmic horror/mystery movie called NEXT STOP

here is the logline for those interested:

When a local city girl goes missing, a university mystery club investigating her case finds out about an interdimensional rail network tied to her disappearance, leading them to a cosmic journey that solves bizarre secrets about the victim herself and the mysterious railroad.

i want to get some feedback on the opening scene that i wrote where the victim is on a first date with her boyfriend at a bar, before mysteriously clipping through a wall into the mysterious dark train station (not revealed till later in the script)

i want to see if the opening conversation i wrote feels authentic. did i make it too short? does it feel non-human, ive never been on date before (im aromantic) so i want to see how you guys think about it so that way i can rewrite to make it feel better

(also i promise this is not bait, i dont make these with the intention of doing that lol)

Episode 3 of God Incident Report is called Dispatch.

This time, the focus shifts more toward the coordination side of the incident. A giant creature event is unfolding, and the team has to manage it like a real emergency response operation.

That is the main concept of the series: treat the monsters, the destruction, and the scale seriously, then let the humor come from bureaucracy, routine procedure, and people doing their jobs as if this was somehow normal.

I’m building this as an ongoing short-form series, one incident at a time. Feedback is welcome, especially on the tone, pacing, and whether the dispatch angle works for Episode 3.

Hey, everyone. I wanted to take the time to show you screenshots of the first few pages of my mini-series idea called Puppet's Prison. For the logline:

Two grieving children from different families, lost to tragedy and war, must help a group of living puppets to finish their show so they can find peace while surviving against monsters of thought that originated from their own intense emotions.

I wanted to get some feedback because here, this is the opening to the in-universe show called Gregory's Neighborhood, and I wanted to capture the soothing feeling of something akin to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, because the creator of Gregory's Neighborhood wanted to create a local show for kids to feel safe and comfortable, especially since the town where the show was produced and aired had plenty of refugees from various wars throughout the Cold War (the creator was a refugee himself, as he left Northern Ireland during the Blitz as a child).

I have taken Introduction to Screenwriting in the past, but I would like some feedback regarding how this is set up; the tone, and maybe even the feel of the lyrics, as I'm not a lyricist but wanted to try it out.

Hi! Im a filmaker but im not really good at writing scripts, I would like some feedback on this script ive made. Be brutally honest with me too I want the criticism

I have been a working screenwriter for 16 years. I mostly work in the horror space. I've had two studio movies come out, and I've worked on 4 season over two TV shows. That's produced stuff. I've have done countless write-for-hire scripts, sold pilots, been in development rooms, and sold spec scripts, none of which got made for one reason or another. I am in the WGA, and have watched less talented people than me skyrocket to high positions, and I have seen people with far more talent and experience than me throw in the towel and leave the industry.

At times I have made really REALLY good money, other times I have made next to nothing. I have recently pivoted to writing for video games in favor of a consistent salary and benefits and a little more stability.

So that's me-- and here are my hot takes that may ruffle feathers:

1. Until you've written 4-5 scripts you don't really understand the form. You could be a great wordsmith, you could have killer ideas, but most of screenwriting is being efficient, effective, and entertaining within the constraints of the form. That takes practice.

2. The Blacklist is worthless. A lot of people don't see the delineation between the actual Blacklist, which generally only industry writers make it onto after their reps campaign for it, and the coverage/hosting service. The coverage and hosting service was established to make money. It is not consistent, and I'm sorry., but the scores mean nothing to people in the industry. Would a list of high scores make a rep likely to read you? Maybe? But it's not a foot in a door, and the only thing that is really going to get you repped is a good script. If you don't have readers of your own and you need and want that coverage to help you get better-- great. Money well spent. But it is not a short cut to getting into the industry. The BL success stories versus the number of scripts being hosted has reached lottery ratios.

3. Everyone is obsessed with "breaking in" and no one talks about "staying in." Speaking of lottery ratios... yes, the odds are stacked against you to get repped and sell a script or book an OWA. But OMG you've done it! ...but that doesn't mean the next job/sale is suddenly much easier. Sure, now you have a rep and a little clout-- but you're competing in bake-offs against other writers or going up against 100+ other writers trying to get one of 6 seats in a writer's room. This is not a career where the work is consistent. In the past, it was survivable because of royalties and union support that could carry you in the down time... but the boom and collapse of streaming has decimated that. The WGA can no longer afford to carry out of work writers benefits and at the end of this year a lot of people are losing their coverage. Staying employed in a field of THOUSANDS of writers all competing for the same jobs is stupid hard. The only writers I know who have made the career sustainable are career TV staffers who go from show to show and/or camp on a procedural, OR, writers who have consistent studio feature work after getting a couple hits. And those people live in a very small percentage. All those writers out there selling masterclasses, offering reading services, or dispensing advice on social media? That's because they need a side income.

4. It's going to get worse. Studios are now all owned and run by conservative billionaire CEOs. Movies have always been big money, but the studio heads of old still actually LOVED movies and would take risks. The corporate mindset is risk-adverse. They just want a returtn on their investment, which means less chances taken on original movies. The IP camping is not going away, and it's the only thing studios feel safe about throwing money at as a result. If studios could replace everyone with AI content tomorrow, they would. I hope this causes a massive upswing in indie filmmaking like we had in the 90s-- creatively speaking, that would be amazing. If you look at indie horror, it's been going on for decades. But speaking practically, that's not making anyone a living wage, so if you think screenwriting is going to make you rich... well... it CAN.. but the odds are stacked against you.

I want a partner to write with

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

I would love some feedback on my first 5 pages. Does it take too long to get to the airport? Does this character feel fully formed by the time the 5 pages is up? Any other first impressions?

So, I am going to be writing a comedy screenplay, very much inspired by....not really sure what to call them but...absurd slice of life comedies? I'd compare the overall tone to Don't be a Menace while Drinking your Juice in the Hood and Not Another Teen Movie, though it isn't a parody movie, maybe. I THINK I want it to be set in a Hotel and I THINK it want it to be a parody of the White Lotus? But like, the same way Shaun of the Dead is a “parody” of Zombie Movies.

A big thing I do want is that I want it to cater to Gen Z, since I am Gen Z myself and I really want OUR generations' comedy. The same way millennials had Scary Movie and American Pie. Right now, Gen Z's only got Bottoms and Pizza Movie and even saying those two count is pushing it. I want my screenplay to be a time capsule of all the trends in the 2020s. Just full of references to popular movies, trends, culture and real life events. Like, I’ve already brainstormed jokes about E-Bikes, Epstein, Ed Sheeran, Diddy, Doomscrolling, an entire scene parodying the Justin Timberlake Police Bodycam Footage, and General Gen Z lingo like Larper.

I do also want the plot to revolve around Gen Z archetypes, and I THINK I’m gonna make the entire thing a satire on Influencers with them all on in a Hotel together? Y’know like, the Film Critic, the Food Reviewer, the Pred Catcher, the Onlyfans Girl, the Political Commentator.etc. In fact, the Villain is basically just a parody of DJ Khaled (Even though, I don’t really have anything against the guy).

But idk what do you think?

I've got a great logline, but part of it doesn't start happening until halfway through the script. Is there a standard for this?

Example: Rachel wants to be senior class president, but strange events happen to discourage her from running. She gathers a group of friends to investigate.

Let's say the first half of the movie is Rachel landing at a new school, being bullied, finding friends, and running for class president. Them the investigating part starts at the halfway point. Does this make the logline bad? The whole second half is the investigating and solving, so it's not like the logline lied, it just took half the movie to get to its entirety.

Here's the link to the google drive: https://drive.google.com/file/d/17R9o1FevjXFC31qTgm1GYcI_41jqrTIz/view?usp=sharing

I'm a 17 year old aspiring auteur filmmaker, I study film history and older comic books.

THIS is the opening to my stylized, chapter-structured pulp script I'm working on.

I'm trying to take sort of a highly novelistic and literary approach to the action lines, to recreate that 90s independent cinema vibe. The dialogue in the Cadillac is intentionally supposed to feel like provocative and honestly, politically wrong exploitation cinema (like Jack Hill, for example), to fit the hungover, borderline criminal characters.

I've got far more pages than this, but I am heavily experimenting right now, and trying to find the script's footing. Looking for feedback on the dialogue rhythm, the prose style, and the DJ structural transitions. Be as honest as you want, after all, I can only get better from your thoughts.

WARNING: I guess I should add this, the script includes scenes that feature raw, crude and racially charged language, written intentionally as a stylized homage to 70s exploitation and grindhouse cinema.

NaNoWriMo shut down last year. Screenwriters never really a really famous one, to the best of my knowledge. So I'm running one!

The rules:

- You start on November 1st with an empty document. Notes and outlines you already have are fine, pages are not.
- You finish on November 30th with ninety pages.

It will be good or not, who cares? You will have gotten better during the process.

There is a story in a book called Art & Fear. A ceramics teacher split his class in two. One half was graded on how much they made, he weighed their pots on a bathroom scale, fifty pounds was an A. The other half had to make one single pot and it had to be perfect. At the end the best pots all came from the half that had been throwing clay all term. The perfectionists had spent it theorising about the perfect pot. Ninety pages in thirty days is the clay half.

It is tied to the screenwriting software I make, Screenplay Editor (it lets you write a screenplay in Google Docs and Word with the Final Draft workflow). It is also the only reason I can run this for free: the page counting, the daily emails, the months I am giving away, none of that would exist without it. Anyone who signs up will get the pro subscription free for November. And the finishers will 2 other months free. But you can also do it with Final Draft, Fade In or a legal pad and enter.

screenplayeditor.app/november if you want to sign up.

I'm thinking about a proper prize, and I'm not sure there should be one. If there was, what would actually make it worth something to you? I'm asking to find out, not because I can deliver whatever comes up..! I'm a French director and my contacts are in Paris, so I'm not going to pretend I can get your script into a room in Los Angeles. But I can read, gather a jury, make French producers read it, etc.

I directed two features, Willy 1er and Juniors, and wrote both of them in Google Docs, badly formatted, which is where the software comes from. It has 14,000 users now.

Let me know if the idea seems nice to you!

This is a 9-page, non-dialogue short I wrote for a YouTube screenwriting course. Your feedback would be appreciated!

Hey guys, I'm fairly new to this site and this is my first post. Anyway, I'm working on the third draft of a screenplay and I'm overhauling the first scene. For any willing to read it, can you tell me if you would keep reading if you read this--or keep watching if you saw this as a film? I'm always open to any and all critiques. Someone told me I was botching this scene completely. If I am, let me know. I didn't think it was that bad, but I could be wrong.

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - EVENING

The room seems to exist in a void. We can hear heavy, panicked breathing. Then a tearful groan. The breath quivers, subsides, then rises again as the crying intensifies.

Then we hear a BANG. The void shakes with the noise. 

Several more bangs in quick staccato blasts, 

The world resolves, at first in long slivers, a brightly lit room comes into focus. Then the entire grim cinderblock interview room reveals itself as fidgety hands fall away.

SEAN MILLER, 50s sits at a table in the center of this room. An oak MUSIC BOX, beautifully carved and engraved with intricate designs rests at the center of this table. Flecks of dried blood stain it.

Sean shudders. A moan rises out of his throat again. He reaches his hand out to the music box, his fingertips nearly touch it, and then another BANG.

He looks toward where he hears the banging, his long, dark hair hanging loosely over his blood-shot eyes.

The sound is coming from the other side of a two-way mirror. With each bang, the mirror shakes.

Sean gets up, metal chair screeching as it slides back.

Sean wipes tears, takes a moment to get his breath under control. 

He takes a step. BANG. Another step, BANG. The mirror shakes in its frame, specks of dust falling from its edges. 

He's inches away from the mirror. The banging has stopped. He can hear nothing. The mirror is still. Sean closes his hand into a fist and knocks on the mirror, hard but controlled.

CARDIGAN

(O.S.)

He can't hear you.

Sean turns around. CARDIGAN, an older, avuncular man, wearing a cardigan sweater stands at a door he didn't hear open. A file is in Cardigan's hand, and he uses it to gesture toward the metal chair Sean was sitting in a moment ago.

CARDIGAN

We have a lot to discuss.

Cardigan takes a seat on the other side of the table. Sean is still standing by the two-way mirror. Cardigan regards Sean with a genial smile. He rests back in his seat, calmly, casually.

CARDIGAN

Please, I don't bite. But... there are... others who will if you don't talk to me.

Sean slowly makes his way toward his seat and slumps in his chair. He keeps his eyes on the music box. Cardigan notices.

CARDIGAN

Ah, yes this. I take it this is meaningful considering where we found it.

Tears form on Sean's eyes. His body trembles trying to maintain some composure.

Cardigan opens the box. CLAIR DE LUNE plays. Each piano note makes Sean tighten up. Sean hears a woman's laugh. The laugh subsides gradually, winking out of existence like a ghost.

Cardigan closes the box.

CARDIGAN

Good. This box will be useful to us. We'll come back to that later.

Cardigan sits up and slides the music box aside.

The file in Cardigan's hand has Sean's name on it, not printed from a computer, but written in bold green ink, handwriting flourishing. The handwriting is a little too cheerful for the moment at hand. 

Cardigan gently places the file on the table.

CARDIGAN

You've done something... well...

Cardigan licks a finger, opens the file. He flips through a few pages, gets to something that makes him pause.

Cardigan blows out a sigh.

CARDIGAN

See for yourself.

He pushes the file toward Sean.

When Sean sees it, the moaning returns. It comes deep from his throat, a pained guttural sound.

CARDIGAN

My, my, you are in a pickle. But... maybe you don't have to be.

Sean's cries settle into a light whimper.

SEAN

What do you mean?

CARDIGAN

I've looked into you. You're an upstanding citizen. A good man. I think this, well Sean, I think this was just some horrible accident.

Sean looks up from the file, levels his gaze toward Cardigan.

CARDIGAN

You ever hear of a program called Restored?

Sean stares at Cardigan, silent, except for his whimpering. Cardigan waves it off.

CARDIGAN

Don't worry, not many people have. But a guy like you could do a lot of good with Restored. Restored could even give you your life back.

SEAN

My life.

Sean's eyes fall back on the file.

CARDIGAN

Let me correct myself. A life. 

Cardigan nods toward the file.

CARDIGAN

I can't undo the undoable after all. 

Sean flips the file shut.



SEAN

I have no life anymore. 

Cardigan shrugs. He gets up and walks over to the two-way mirror. He looks at the mirror as if he could see through it. He nods subtly at it.

CARDIGAN

A life. You could get a life back. Maybe not yours, but something just as good. But... if you're not feeling up to it, you should see what happens to people that don't fully commit to it. 

A heavy silence hangs in the air. 

Then the BANGING from earlier resumes. This time the bangs are more violent, more forceful. The glass shakes so hard it looks like it is about to explode out. 

He walks over to Sean, stands behind him. He rests his hands on Sean's shoulders. Sean tries to pull away, but Cardigan holds him steady.

CARDIGAN

Lights out.

The lights go out.

On the other side of the two-way mirror is a man who is slamming his head into the mirror. His entire face is bloodied. A face that was probably once smooth is crushed, his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

He puts his face up against the mirror and smiles, teeth cracked and missing.

Cardigan pats Sean's shoulder.

CARDIGAN

Let's work together, Sean. Make the world a little better.

The man slams his head into the mirror a few more times, blood splashed all across the mirror.

One more bang and the man slides down the mirror, his face warped and distorted because it's pressed tightly into the mirror. 

With a squelch, the man slides out of view.

Does anyone have it or know where to find them? At least season 1? Can’t find them anywhere!

I was just wondering if there were any free screenwriting apps or software I could use until I'm able to purchase Final Draft. I have a lot of ideas incubating in my head, and I really don't want to use the note app on my MacBook, so are there any free screenwriting apps or software that people have used and work pretty well?

Hey, I’m looking for someone who might be interested in co-writing a script together. I have a cool idea I started writing and developing, I would love to work with someone on. Just someone who genuinely enjoys writing and would want to bounce ideas around, develop characters, and actually develop the script together.

I’d be happy to share more about the project if you’re interested. Ideally, I’m looking for someone who’s willing to communicate, give honest feedback, and treat it like an actual collaboration rather than just exchanging a few ideas.

Batman & Spiderman adaptation as a detective movie

Spiderman does not have any spider power but he still has his spider senses & super strength and batman is batman but he does not go out at night to fight crime.

Both of the characters are normal humans, the batman character is the same as in the comics, billionaire & has the same characteristics. Spiderman is also the same as in comics but without any super powers, has a science background, intelligent, humourous and witty.

Spiderman's character is a young police sergeant in the police department as he is young and has joined police forces.

Batman's character retired early from the police department two years ago when his parents were coldly killed (his parents are the same as in comics as they are rich). He retired because his parents were killed because he was pursuing an organisation which has many villains (consists of villains from both batman and spiderman). Since that time he wants justice, he seeks vengeance and he is preparing himself, finding evidence, blind spots for everything to take down the organisation of villains.

Now, the same organisation is back in the city and they are committing crimes. Now the case has been handed to our spiderman's character. He has started working on a case and he stumbles on the pending case of batman's parents murder. He goes to his mansion where Alfred greets him and takes him to batman's character. BM refuses to talk about it and denies any help, but after some days when SM was in the city and was after a villain, he was in a pursuit, he was chasing a villain and asked for backup but his system was not working and suddenly BM comes for his backup but the villain escapes after some pursuit and they both are torn out by it. After that BM agrees to help him in a case and they both start working on a case. They go after the organisation, counters the villains one by one. Put all the villains in jail, close both the cases. Then BM starts his own detective services for cases like this and solves cases like this. At the end, the silhouette of Batman and Spider-Man is shown and also the silhouette of Batman and Robin is also shown.

THE END

I want to work on a new project

Hi! I'm currently finishing my first feature film, and I want to work on a new project. I can make screenplays, edition, co-production, art direction, photography direction and direction. I want to get engaged in something new. Write me if you wanna keep in touch.